00:00Send them in, dearjohnjansen at gmail.com.
00:03Today, it's a question of time to move on,
00:06a question about murder,
00:09and the wife spending too much money.
00:11All right, I'm going to kick things off.
00:12This is the time to move on question.
00:14Dear John, I've been with my boyfriend for six months
00:17and it's getting pretty serious.
00:19He's been divorced for four years,
00:21but still has his wedding photos and family photos on display.
00:24It seems kind of weird that he still has them out.
00:27Is this a sign he's not that interested in me,
00:29that he's still holding on to his relationship with his ex-wife,
00:32or should I just accept it and it's not a big deal?
00:37It's awkward.
00:39I mean, you said they've been divorced for four years?
00:42That's what this says.
00:43He's been divorced for four years.
00:45I mean, I've been through that,
00:48and I mean,
00:51I would not have any pictures up with my ex,
00:58especially if I have a new girlfriend that is coming over.
01:02I would like to think that I'm considerate enough for her
01:05that I'm not going to throw any of my past relationships in her face.
01:08Obviously, she knows I was married.
01:10She probably even knows who it was.
01:12She's seen pictures of them,
01:13but I don't have to have those out.
01:15If there's kids,
01:16and you mentioned family photos,
01:18I had plenty of pictures with me and just the kids,
01:21and they were all on display.
01:22If you want to see your mom,
01:23go over to her house.
01:24If you want to see pictures with you and your mom,
01:25go over to her house.
01:26I don't,
01:27I would,
01:28it would be weird.
01:29Now, here's the other thing.
01:30Dudes,
01:31it's kind of a different thing,
01:33because how many times do you actually change the pictures in your picture frames?
01:38She probably put,
01:39his ex-wife probably put those pictures up,
01:41and he's never touched them since they got divorced.
01:43Right, yeah.
01:44Or if they packed,
01:45if he had to pack up and move,
01:47like,
01:47just put the same pictures out.
01:49Like,
01:49so I think there is part of that.
01:52Here's what I would say.
01:53Bring it up.
01:54And say,
01:55hey,
01:55we're starting to get pretty serious.
01:58Maybe,
01:58can we have some pictures of you and I in your house instead of your ex-wife?
02:04It's probably that he's lazy,
02:06but on the off chance that he's not over this relationship,
02:09huge red flag.
02:10It's been four years.
02:11Why is the wedding photo still up?
02:14Right.
02:14The ones with the kids and the mom maybe is a little more palatable.
02:18Yeah,
02:18do they have kids?
02:19Does he have kids?
02:21I wonder.
02:22Like,
02:22that changes it a little bit.
02:23Is this woman still alive?
02:25That also changes it.
02:26It is different.
02:26If you're a widow.
02:27Well,
02:28no,
02:28he's not widowed,
02:28but they got divorced four years ago.
02:30If she's passed away,
02:32I can understand it a little bit more,
02:35because it's a little different.
02:37But it's weird.
02:38Take it down.
02:38There's no going back at that point.
02:40It's weird.
02:42The wedding photo.
02:43She's in her wedding dress still in your house?
02:45Let me ask you this.
02:46You're divorced four years.
02:47How long have you been married,
02:48Jim?
02:48Five years.
02:49All right.
02:49Do you have any wedding photos that are still on display?
02:52No.
02:53You don't?
02:54I've been married almost 12 years soon.
02:56We've got lots of wedding photos on display.
02:58Really?
02:58I love pictures,
02:59you guys.
03:00I've got,
03:00yeah,
03:01I've got lots of,
03:01we've got,
03:01I've got a huge wedding photo in our hallway.
03:04I've got several wedding photos on our big shelf in our family room.
03:08Oh,
03:08yeah.
03:08So we only have one picture up from our wedding.
03:13We got married,
03:14what,
03:14seven years ago,
03:15going on seven years?
03:16And actually that wedding photo is of me and the kids.
03:20And Lisa's not in.
03:21We took that one before and that's one that we have up,
03:23but we don't have those on display anymore.
03:26I've got some on my nightstand.
03:27I've got,
03:27we have wedding photos everywhere.
03:29Huh.
03:31Yeah.
03:31That's one of the best days of my life.
03:34Murder.
03:35Murder.
03:35Oh,
03:35we're going from to murder.
03:39Are these two related?
03:40Dear John,
03:41I bought a home out on the lakeshore with my wife and we loved it.
03:45Oh,
03:45loved past tense.
03:47Been there about three months.
03:48It's a bigger home with not one,
03:50but two garages,
03:51one attached in another that we can use as a workshop.
03:55Oh,
03:56the area is great.
03:57And so are our neighbors,
03:57but recently one of them was acting kind of weird about our home.
04:00So we ended up going down a rabbit hole and it turns out there was a
04:03murder suicide that took place and it wasn't disclosed.
04:07We even now know where it happened,
04:09the laundry room and it has us all shaken up.
04:12We can't afford to turn around and sell it this quick.
04:15Can we go after a realtor?
04:16And if we're stuck here,
04:17how do I settle my wife's nerves down at the very least?
04:22Um,
04:23that's a,
04:23that's a tough one to answer because it wouldn't bother me.
04:27Like,
04:28you know,
04:29people die all the time.
04:30Yeah.
04:30People die all the time.
04:31Like wash it and repaint it and you're good to go.
04:35Like people die in homes all the time,
04:37but they're not murdered.
04:38Okay.
04:39Yeah.
04:39But murder suicide is different than,
04:41um,
04:41she was 98 and passed away up in the bedroom on her.
04:43Right.
04:44But obviously the murderer is still on the loose because it was a murder.
04:48It wouldn't bother me at all.
04:49It wouldn't bother me at all either,
04:51but I'm just saying it is different.
04:53In regards to like,
04:53okay,
04:53but I understand the wife's perspective of like,
04:55she's a little unsettled.
04:56Like somebody died here.
04:57Are there ghosts here?
04:58Like,
04:58I don't believe in ghosts either.
04:59So that's why probably why it doesn't bother me.
05:01Um,
05:03I don't know.
05:05Uh,
05:06the only shame is they didn't get the dead person discount.
05:08Exactly.
05:09They go up to their realtor.
05:10They had to pay more.
05:12I,
05:14boy,
05:14I'm stumped on this one.
05:15I don't know how you would settle your wife's nerves down.
05:18Like,
05:19does she not even want to go into that part of the house anymore?
05:22Maybe you could say,
05:22let's save some money and we can.
05:25We can tear off that part of the building and,
05:28you know,
05:28put a laundry room in another area.
05:30We'll remodel.
05:31Yeah.
05:32There you go.
05:33Not bad.
05:34Um,
05:34okay.
05:35Last one.
05:35Wife spending money.
05:36Dear John,
05:37I go on a fishing trip every year with my friends.
05:39It's a pretty rustic setting.
05:41So the biggest,
05:42biggest expense is the gas we use getting there.
05:45I love the trip,
05:46but one of the reasons we go on this is because it's manageable,
05:50manageable expense wise for all of us.
05:53My wife and I are comfortable financially,
05:55but we still keep a close eye on our spending.
05:57Every year when I come home from my trip,
05:59my wife has bought something for herself.
06:01For example,
06:02last year when I came home,
06:03I noticed she bought an expensive purse.
06:05The year before it was an expensive pair of dress shoes.
06:08I don't really care,
06:10but it seems like she feels or has a license to buy herself a gift because I'm leaving for a
06:15week with my buddies.
06:16She goes on a yearly,
06:17a yearly girl's trip that costs lots more than my fishing trip.
06:21Should I ask her why she does it or just accept that it's part of the cost of the trip?
06:26At first,
06:28I would say,
06:29yeah,
06:29have a conversation.
06:31And if,
06:33if she feels like she gets something because I'm going on a trip,
06:37I think there's an issue there.
06:39I don't think that that should be a part of the expense of your trip.
06:45On the flip side,
06:48do you disclose everything to your wife that you buy?
06:51Right.
06:52And while the trip may not cost anything,
06:55rods,
06:55reels,
06:56lures,
06:57all of that stuff does.
07:00And hey,
07:00if,
07:01if she just says,
07:02yeah,
07:03you're going on this trip,
07:03so I'm going to go and get,
07:05get myself something special.
07:06Then next time she goes on her trip,
07:08get yourself a couple of new rods,
07:10a couple of new reels.
07:11And I guarantee you,
07:12it's not like hers.
07:15She's not going to notice.
07:17Is she allowed to give herself a purse at all during the year?
07:20It just happens to coincide with the trip.
07:22Is that what bothers him?
07:23Well,
07:23I think it's that it's every time he goes on the trip,
07:26that's when he comes back.
07:27And all of a sudden there's something new that is a little pricier.
07:32Maybe it's just coincidence because of course she is allowed to go buy a new purse.
07:35She probably needs new shoes.
07:37And it just happens to be that she does those things.
07:39Maybe she's got time to shop when he's not around.
07:41So it happens to just,
07:43she can get out there and go,
07:44go find what she wants.
07:46I would say if it bothers you,
07:48have the conversation,
07:49but if you're doing fine financially,
07:52that's the key here.
07:54Don't sweat it though.
07:55She's probably going to buy it at some point in time.
07:57Right.
07:57I don't check and look at everything that my wife buys and she certainly doesn't check and monitor what I'm
08:05doing as well.
08:06So I think at the base of it,
08:08get over it,
08:09dude.
08:11It's dear John.
08:12I wonder how many of these,
08:13the advice could just be,
08:14get over it,
08:15get over it,
08:16dude.
08:16Yeah.
08:16I don't know.
08:17Yeah.
08:18I mean,
08:18I go back to the first one and it kind of took a turn for the worse when Heather said,
08:21well,
08:21is she dead?
08:22Well,
08:22okay.
08:23Cause I can accept that.
08:24I can accept that.
08:24Okay.
08:26Maybe it's a,
08:27even though you're divorced and maybe you have kids and if she's no longer with us,
08:30you want to have something to remember her by.
08:32But if she's still alive and the wedding photos are out and let's just say she's a total smoke show.
08:38He's got to take him down if he's got a new girlfriend.
08:40You should not have your wedding photos.
08:41That's the one I would say.
08:43You don't have to quote.
08:43Just get over it.
08:44Yeah.
08:44The dead people and your wife spending some money.
08:47You're going to have to get over it.
08:48They're already dead.
08:50Get over it,
08:50dude.
08:50We can rename the segment.
08:51Get over it,
08:52dude.
08:52It's dear John.
08:53Send them in.
08:54Dear John Jansen at gmail.com.
08:56It's 97 one.
Comments