00:00And Clarissa has a problem.
00:02She said her husband travels a lot for work.
00:04He's gone for days at a time, about half the year.
00:07That is a lot.
00:08So while collecting their year-end financials,
00:11Clarissa found a credit card charge from last September for a very expensive dinner.
00:16She said when I asked him about it, he admitted he went out to dinner with a woman
00:20that he met through work, but insists it was just a meal, nothing inappropriate.
00:25Clarissa says, I was upset.
00:26I wanted to understand why.
00:27And he said, there's nothing wrong with our relationship,
00:30but he can't explain why he chose to have dinner with another woman
00:33and why he never mentioned it to me.
00:35I want to believe him, but even if nothing physical happened,
00:39I don't know if I'll ever see our relationship the same again.
00:43Am I overreacting?
00:45Or is the secrecy itself a real breach of trust?
00:49Well, you know, Andy, when I read this before,
00:51my first thought was breach of trust, always put everything on the line.
00:55Like, I'm a classic oversharer.
00:57I do the same thing.
00:59I want my wife to know where I am.
01:01She has my location, of course, but like none of the, I overshare.
01:04If something happens at work, if something happens with friends,
01:07I want her to know what's going on in my life.
01:09Right.
01:10And I'm kind of like that with Leonard too,
01:11only because I like to share,
01:14like, I don't feel like I need to share everything because he's worried,
01:17but I like to be like, oh my gosh,
01:19and I'm going to go out for dinner tonight.
01:20And this is where I'm going to go.
01:21And here's what I'm going to go with.
01:23And I'm going to send you pictures of my food because we're foodies.
01:25And we love doing fun things and sharing it with each other.
01:29Like he does the same thing when he's away.
01:31And, but in the rereading, listening to you read it,
01:34she's all talking about this secrecy.
01:36You asked him about something.
01:38Yeah.
01:38And then he told you what happened.
01:40Right.
01:40He told you the truth of it.
01:42He got dinner with a woman he met at work.
01:44Yeah.
01:45He didn't, he could have easily, that was what, a year,
01:48almost a full year ago.
01:50He could have been like, oh, I went out with Bill.
01:52No way of confirming that.
01:54Right.
01:54He could have just said, I went out for drinks and I got three drinks
01:57and you know how expensive those can be.
01:59So maybe the fact that he was so honest is why you should trust him.
02:03And so, yes, us men tend to leave details out.
02:08Our buddy's getting a divorce and you get home and go, what happened?
02:11I don't know.
02:12Right.
02:12We're right.
02:12Who did divorce do?
02:13I don't know.
02:14I didn't ask.
02:15But we talked a lot about sports.
02:17Yeah.
02:17The point is sometimes we forget to add the details,
02:20but this was his chance to be like, if he, if there was a lie to be had,
02:24he could have lied right there.
02:25Yeah.
02:25I don't like the fact that it was a very expensive dinner and it seems like
02:30he probably paid for her.
02:31Oh, clearly.
02:32Like that's what it seems like he paid for her and it's a woman that he
02:35met through work and he paid for her and this wasn't on the company bill.
02:39This was so that, that maybe that is worth the conversation.
02:43But if this is just the first time this has ever happened,
02:46maybe give him the benefit of the doubt.
02:48Right.
02:48Or are there red flags that we're missing?
02:51Well, now you're red flagging because if he's on a work trip and it's with a
02:54coworker, it is a meal that should be paid for by the office.
02:58Yeah.
03:00And then I know, at least in our experience,
03:02like you can't cover alcoholic drinks.
03:04Right.
03:04And so like, I always would like split the bill.
03:06Right.
03:06I'll pay for my alcohol and then I'll charge the receipt back to the company.
03:10You know what I mean?
03:11Yeah.
03:11Yeah.
03:11There's ways to do it.
03:12Maybe he just forgot.
03:13I don't know, but that's not part of it.
03:15We just, we don't know.
03:16What we want to know is what you think.
03:18But there are flags.
03:18Now there's some yellow flags.
03:20What do we do, Jeff?
03:21Because both of us were kind of thinking, oh, this is not a big deal.
03:23He kind of just told the truth and it was, and you mentioned it's only the first time.
03:27Kind of is a big deal though.
03:28Seems like maybe it's a big deal.
03:30I don't know what Clarissa thinks is a big deal.
03:33So she asks, am I overreacting or is the secrecy itself a real breach of trust?
03:40Or is the secrecy itself a real point?
03:41You
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