- 2 giorni fa
I film horror sono pellicole pensate per suscitare paura, tensione e suspense attraverso storie di mostri, fantasmi, serial killer, demoni, creature soprannaturali o eventi inspiegabili. Il genere comprende numerosi sottogeneri, come slasher, paranormal, zombie, thriller psicologico, found footage e survival horror, con classici intramontabili e produzioni moderne che hanno segnato la storia del cinema.
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00:00:09Grazie a tutti.
00:00:47Grazie a tutti.
00:01:00Grazie a tutti.
00:01:15Grazie a tutti.
00:01:48Grazie a tutti.
00:01:59Ciao.
00:02:42Ciao.
00:03:11Ciao.
00:06:14Dock?
00:06:15No, thanks.
00:06:16Dick?
00:06:18No, no.
00:06:49No, no.
00:06:52No, no.
00:06:53No, no.
00:07:03No, no.
00:07:07No, no.
00:07:11No, no.
00:07:12No, no.
00:07:14No, no.
00:07:15No, no.
00:07:17No, no.
00:07:18No, no.
00:07:21No.
00:07:42No, no.
00:07:45just a minute
00:07:51just a minute
00:07:56I said just a minute
00:08:14I
00:08:15I
00:08:15I
00:08:16I
00:08:17I
00:08:20I
00:08:43I
00:08:43I
00:08:57Almost overnight, this man has emerged as the hottest star on television. Known simply as Geronahue, his Talk to Your
00:09:06Friend show has skyrocketed to number one. Who is he? Where does he come from?
00:09:12America's newest celebrity is insane
00:09:15And it really doesn't matter to his legions of adoring fans
00:09:19Igor!
00:09:23...has become the talk of the town
00:09:25Every town, if one believes the latest ratings
00:09:28Broadcasting from his secluded studio high atop Crystal Mountain
00:09:33Geronaghi gives America what it wants to see
00:09:36And then some
00:09:38Mr. and Mrs. America
00:09:40Perversity or simply a desperate misguided stab at the ultimate
00:09:46Geronaghi, color him brash, bold, controversial
00:09:51And very, very successful
00:09:54Geronaghi, the new lord of tabloid television
00:09:58Reporting for entertainment ad nauseum
00:10:01Lord of tabloid television, not bad
00:10:05Hear those overnight ratings, Dr. Gangrene?
00:10:09Told you never to call me that
00:10:10I'm sorry, Geronimo
00:10:11Not Geronimo, Geronaghi, Hugh Downs, Hugh Hefner, Hugh Mungus
00:10:16Excuse me, Geronaghi, Ezra
00:10:19Told you never to touch me
00:10:21It's Geronaghi, don't ever touch me
00:10:25Oh, ratings are up all across the board
00:10:31John, bold, and we're killing them
00:10:34The 18- to 35-year-olds who never graduated from junior high school markets
00:10:38Oh, my plan is working perfectly
00:10:41Flawlessly
00:10:41Who are the guests today, dweeb?
00:10:43Three heroes
00:10:44Heroes? Well, that's good
00:10:45Talk show audiences love heroes
00:10:47Who are they?
00:10:48Dr. Kennedy Johnson, big-time tomatologist
00:10:50Wilbur Finletter, former government agent and hero of both tomato wars
00:10:54And fuzzy tomato
00:10:56F.T.?
00:10:58Yes, he's famous
00:11:00Of course he's famous, you don't
00:11:02You were there, don't you remember?
00:11:05What a grateful little fuzzball came from my laboratory
00:11:08I made him
00:11:10And then what happens?
00:11:11He joins that boob Finletter and foils my most recent plan to rule the world
00:11:16I was that close
00:11:18And Finletter and that little mutant stumbled in and ruined everything
00:11:22I'm sorry, Professor
00:11:23What? I mean, Jeronahue
00:11:25I'll cancel the show if you want me to
00:11:26No, no, no, no, no
00:11:27Wait
00:11:29This may be the perfect opportunity to throw everyone completely off my trail
00:11:34Look at him, Igor
00:11:37Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
00:11:43He's gonna be channel five
00:11:45The captain's on
00:11:47It's time for America's Man of the Hour
00:11:51Jeronahue
00:11:51Today Geronahue welcomes Captain Wilber Fidletter,
00:11:55Tomatologist Kennedy Johnson,
00:11:57and famous vegetable, Fuzzy Tomato.
00:12:00Hey Rude, get a load of this.
00:12:04Tomatoes, love apples or hate mongers?
00:12:07Tell us Captain Fidletter, how do you feel about tomatoes now?
00:12:11How do I feel?
00:12:12Well, Geronahue, I've been fighting killer tomatoes for over 13 years.
00:12:16I know what they're like.
00:12:17Tomatoes are, they're, tomatoes are...
00:12:22Disgusting, nauseating, incorrigible, odious, loathsome, repulsive, hideous, contentable, antisocial.
00:12:29That's it!
00:12:29So you really believe teensy-winty tomatoes are dangerous?
00:12:33Well, not all tomatoes.
00:12:36I believe what Captain Fidletter means is that there are bad tomatoes,
00:12:40and there are good tomatoes.
00:12:43Ah yes, the famous F.T.
00:12:46are good tomatoes.
00:12:49You're not dangerous, are you?
00:12:51Danger?
00:12:52You wouldn't turn your back on a former friend, would you?
00:12:55Friend?
00:12:56You're not the type to betray a friendship,
00:12:58double-cross a confidant,
00:12:59turn against the very person who created you.
00:13:03Tomatoes.
00:13:04Basically sweet, harmless creatures.
00:13:07With one notable exception.
00:13:15That's not fair.
00:13:17Everybody loves F.T.
00:13:19And that exception is F.T.
00:13:22And the low-life humans who make a living from people's irrational fear of red vegetables.
00:13:35There are no killer tomatoes.
00:13:38You got that right.
00:13:41I'm glad you could join me today because I'm your friend.
00:13:47And you can always talk to your friend.
00:13:57You tell him, Geronica, he's my friend.
00:13:59Yeah, right.
00:14:00Wait until I try to borrow his lawnmower.
00:14:03Lance?
00:14:04Haven't you got anything better to do?
00:14:06Oh, sure.
00:14:07While the captain does the talk show circuit,
00:14:08I get all the best cases.
00:14:10Like this woman who claims that Martians invaded her house
00:14:13and reupholstered her furniture and pink corduroy, no less.
00:14:1723 reported sightings of Elvis at the Bolarama
00:14:19and the swell tomato murders.
00:14:22When am I going to get a real case?
00:14:27Let's face it, Lance.
00:14:28Your image isn't the best.
00:14:29Hey, I'm as good a cop as anyone in the city.
00:14:31Maybe, but you got to prove it first.
00:14:33Now, these tomato murders might be a big break.
00:14:36Saw them, and you become a hero like F.T.
00:14:39Tomato murders?
00:14:40Ha!
00:14:41There's no such thing as a killer tomato.
00:14:44There's a logical explanation here,
00:14:45and it doesn't have anything to do with vegetables.
00:14:51Detectives, Boyle.
00:14:53What?
00:14:54Yeah.
00:14:56Well, I'm off to save the world
00:14:58from another vicious, unprovoked produce attack.
00:15:01Told you I should have gone into
00:15:03the Midas Muffler Manager training program.
00:15:07Au revoir, Mr. Big Shot.
00:15:08All right.
00:15:09All right.
00:15:11All right.
00:15:12All right.
00:15:21All right.
00:15:23All right.
00:15:24All right.
00:15:27All right.
00:15:27All right.
00:15:27All right.
00:15:27All right.
00:15:27All right.
00:15:28All right.
00:15:28All right.
00:15:29All right.
00:15:29All right.
00:15:31All right.
00:15:32All right.
00:15:35All right.
00:15:45oh my god you should have seen it i was driving along and i turned the corner
00:15:49oh it was terrible boy i'll say you'll never get this stuff off of seat covers
00:15:54oh it was awful they robbed me now i sent a call for help and then they took the whole
00:15:59moose crew hostage who did tomatoes a whole gaggle of them gaggle giggle goggle gurgle gazillion
00:16:05a herd a horde a litter well a whole lot
00:16:18oh lads what do we have in here ah good work boys good work
00:16:37war fertilizer you already had plenty plan for what you got get out of here
00:16:48here's cal worthington and his dog's butt
00:16:51if you need a car come go see cal
00:16:53if you want to save a buck go see cal
00:16:56if you want a random dodge in your driveway or garage go see cal go see cal go see cal
00:17:01if you're a little sure to catch go see cal
00:17:04troubles over in a flash go see cal
00:17:07power really bad television
00:17:11it's universal
00:17:13this time i shall not fail
00:17:18if you need a car come go see cal
00:18:16live in the kitchen
00:18:17and
00:18:17the
00:18:18Sì, sì, sì.
00:18:50Sì, sì, sì.
00:19:18Sì, sì, sì.
00:19:22Sì, sì, sì.
00:19:30Sì, sì.
00:20:00Sì.
00:20:01Sì, sì.
00:20:25Sì, sì.
00:21:32Sì, sì.
00:21:58Sì.
00:22:01Sì.
00:22:02Sì, sì.
00:22:14Sì.
00:22:17Sì.
00:22:18Sì.
00:22:19Sì.
00:22:20Sì.
00:22:47Sì.
00:22:57Sì.
00:23:24Sì.
00:23:25Sì.
00:23:27Sì.
00:23:40Sì.
00:23:46Sì.
00:23:51Sì.
00:24:00Sì.
00:24:03Sì.
00:24:05Sì.
00:24:10Sì.
00:24:14Sì.
00:24:15Sì.
00:24:17Sì.
00:24:21Sì.
00:24:50Sì.
00:24:51Sì.
00:25:03Sì.
00:25:05Sì.
00:25:35.
00:25:36Sì.
00:25:37Sì.
00:25:44Sì.
00:25:47Sì.
00:25:49Sì.
00:25:52Sì.
00:25:52Sì.
00:25:52Sì.
00:25:57Sì.
00:25:57Sì.
00:25:58Sì.
00:26:00Sì.
00:26:00Sì.
00:26:00Sì.
00:26:00Sì.
00:26:04Sì.
00:26:07Sì.
00:26:07Sì.
00:26:07Sì.
00:26:10Sì.
00:26:10Sì.
00:26:11Varsity field hockey co-captain, sorority 16-ounce Budweiser chunk champion.
00:26:16Maybe you've heard the expression, we ain't leavin' to her even.
00:26:18Well, I wrote that.
00:26:20That's right, Detective Boyle.
00:26:21I possess more than a couple of things in my favor when it comes to credibility.
00:26:25So many of you think that you can just wolf into my house and question my veracity.
00:26:29Well, you've got another thing coming, Mr. Hotshot Superfuse.
00:26:35Are you listening to me?
00:26:39Oh, I have been attacked without provocation twice.
00:26:46Now, you are a public servant, so serve.
00:26:54The hell has got me?
00:26:57Let me struggle.
00:27:11Piece of cake, boss.
00:27:16I locked them all in the brainwash room.
00:27:18Perfect.
00:27:20Flawless.
00:27:21Reporters.
00:27:23Hairspray.
00:27:25Let me tell you about a kid, Igor.
00:27:27An eight-year-old, insecure, fragile child who rose from obscurity to win.
00:27:34Yes, win!
00:27:35The second grade spelling bee of Washington Elementary School.
00:27:42Was that good enough for the evening news?
00:27:45No!
00:27:47So I despised the media.
00:27:49But I had a plan to rise above it, to become the best media personality ever.
00:27:56And when the public started to support me, the rest of the media snubbed me at every turn.
00:28:01You're not a journalist.
00:28:03You're a talk show host.
00:28:05I can't even get a press pass.
00:28:07Did I get an invitation to Jane Pauley's baby shower?
00:28:11No.
00:28:12Does Willard Scott announce my birthday on the air?
00:28:15Uh-uh.
00:28:17Did I go to the Shriver-Schwarzenegger wedding?
00:28:19No!
00:28:20Why, Ed McMahon never even sent me a sweepstakes entry!
00:28:26Well...
00:28:29If you can't join him...
00:28:31Beat him!
00:28:38Step one is complete.
00:28:40Now comes the good stuff.
00:28:47It's okay, you can laugh.
00:29:01Well...
00:29:01Sir?
00:29:02How's that investigation coming out of those tomato attacks?
00:29:05Oh, I'm sure I'll get to the bottom of it just as soon as I crack that Bowling Elvis mystery.
00:29:10You still think this is a joke, don't you?
00:29:14Not at all.
00:29:15I'm fully prepared.
00:29:16Tomato be gone.
00:29:17Economy size.
00:29:19Listen, Buster.
00:29:20This is no joke.
00:29:21Reports of criminal tomato activity are on the increase.
00:29:24I want you to go down to the university and pick Dr. Johnson's brain.
00:29:28I'd do it myself, but I'm doing Oprah this afternoon.
00:29:36Good thing you didn't see my can of Captain B gone.
00:29:38Anne.
00:29:49Everyone.
00:29:53Bye.
00:29:55Hey!
00:29:55Hey!
00:29:57Hey!
00:29:57Hey!
00:30:00Hey!
00:30:02Hey!
00:30:03Hey!
00:30:03Oh, yeah!
00:30:05Mños y.
00:30:07Hey!
00:30:07Hey!
00:30:08Hey!
00:30:08What the?
00:30:08Hey!
00:30:21Oh, neat.
00:30:38From our expedition, we found that the tomato was our friend.
00:30:47Brother, tomato pods.
00:30:56Anybody home?
00:30:57Well, well, well, Detective Boyle.
00:31:01I see we survived the banana attack.
00:31:04I'd like you to meet F.T., Fuzzy Tomato?
00:31:06This is the detective I was telling you about.
00:31:09All right, the TV star.
00:31:12Don't eat me, okay?
00:31:14F.T. is a good tomato.
00:31:16Man's best friend.
00:31:18Really?
00:31:18Man's best friend?
00:31:20Play dead, Fuzzface.
00:31:21Tomatoes aren't born bad.
00:31:23Some are just grown that way.
00:31:25Eat him, right.
00:31:27Hey, detective!
00:31:30Watch, watch this.
00:31:32In this tank are five piranha fish from the Black Sea,
00:31:35the most dangerous predator known to man until now.
00:31:50Impressive, but hardly convincing.
00:31:52You'd be convinced if you'd studied tomatoes the way I have.
00:31:56They can be very dangerous.
00:31:58And they despise humans.
00:32:01When are you going to get it through your head
00:32:03that there is no such thing as a killer tomato?
00:32:06Fine.
00:32:08If that's what you believe, then why are you here?
00:32:11The captain made me come.
00:32:12So sorry you're put through such torture.
00:32:15Well, that's what they pay me for.
00:32:18Glad to see my tax dollars are going to such a good cause.
00:32:22You stay out of this.
00:32:24I'm leaving.
00:32:26Good.
00:32:28Good.
00:32:28Good.
00:32:30Good.
00:32:31Good.
00:32:32He's amusing, I'll give him that.
00:32:36Tomatology!
00:32:38Uh-huh.
00:32:40Oh, one moment.
00:32:42It's for you, the zoo.
00:32:44Hello?
00:32:56Sì!
00:33:31Grazie a tutti.
00:33:50Grazie a tutti.
00:34:15Grazie a tutti.
00:34:49Grazie a tutti.
00:34:52Grazie a tutti.
00:35:33Grazie a tutti.
00:35:49Grazie a tutti.
00:35:51Grazie a tutti.
00:36:03Grazie a tutti.
00:36:04Grazie a tutti.
00:36:44Grazie a tutti.
00:37:08Grazie a tutti.
00:37:35Grazie a tutti.
00:37:38Grazie a tutti.
00:42:19Grazie a tutti.
00:42:26Grazie a tutti.
00:42:57Grazie a tutti.
00:43:44Grazie a tutti.
00:44:29Grazie a tutti.
00:44:49Grazie a tutti.
00:46:51Grazie a tutti.
00:48:53Grazie a tutti.
00:49:23I collect all the dead cats I can find, take them home, and, oh, I don't know, put them in
00:49:28a circle.
00:49:30And for a few precious moments, I am the leader!
00:50:09Lance, I'm being attacked by a swarm of vicious tomatoes.
00:50:14If you never see me again, it's been swell.
00:50:18P.S.
00:50:19Tell Captain Finletter he's a good-for-nuff.
00:50:22That's it.
00:50:23Oh, my God, that's awful.
00:50:25I'll say there's one, two, three punctuation errors, he misspelled vicious, and what's a good-for-nuff?
00:50:32Look!
00:50:33There's more.
00:50:36If you want to see Root again, stay away from Kennedy Johnson.
00:50:41Signed, your friend.
00:50:45Now, that's penmanship.
00:50:47Look at his case.
00:50:47What are you going to do?
00:50:49Well, I guess the first thing we'd better do is check out that bar Captain Finletter told me about.
00:50:55We?
00:50:57You mean you're inviting me to come along?
00:51:00Huh?
00:51:00Uh, sure.
00:51:01I mean, uh, I am assigned to work with you, and...
00:51:04Anyway, I guess I don't mind you hanging around.
00:51:07Why, after last night, I didn't even think you liked me.
00:51:11Well, like is a pretty strong word.
00:51:19Don't stand to go so you'll catch on fire.
00:51:22She only wants to be tonight, cause I...
00:51:25She's gonna tear a hole in the sky tonight.
00:51:29The wind's gonna howl, you'll hear her cry.
00:51:32Look out.
00:51:34The sky's gonna crumble.
00:51:36Look out.
00:51:37You ain't no way.
00:51:39She's a...
00:51:39Actually, I...
00:51:41I think I've fallen for you.
00:51:44Don't feel the pain.
00:51:45What?
00:51:46I said, I think I...
00:51:48Throw your heart in and fall.
00:51:51I get a little bit.
00:51:54I...
00:51:55I think I...
00:51:56Don't feel the pain.
00:51:59I think I...
00:52:01Make a...
00:52:04Go away!
00:52:08What was it you were trying to say?
00:52:11Uh, somebody ought to close that window over there.
00:52:13It's a little drafty.
00:52:14Oh.
00:52:15Come on, we better get going.
00:52:17Right. I'll get my coat.
00:52:20Good for nuff. Bush for the booger.
00:52:39This could get dangerous, so try not to act conspicuous
00:52:43and do exactly what I do.
00:52:52What are you doing for? These debaters are killers.
00:53:22There you go, bro.
00:53:23I see it.
00:53:27Yeah!
00:53:38Oh, here we go.
00:54:07Don't get me too late, you type.
00:54:09What's in here?
00:54:10What will it be?
00:54:12Um, plenty merry.
00:54:15Make that a club soda.
00:54:17Me too.
00:54:18That's good.
00:54:21See you later, Bush.
00:54:33Oh, I don't know the best man.
00:54:51Cut that out.
00:54:53Sorry.
00:54:54Are you sure we're in the right place?
00:55:03Kind of gives new meaning to the term salad bar, doesn't it?
00:55:06You too, looking for someone?
00:55:08No.
00:55:09Yeah.
00:55:10No.
00:55:12Well, actually, Captain Finletter sent us.
00:55:17Finletter.
00:55:17I kind of figured you had something to do with this.
00:55:21Check out the booth over there.
00:55:26Hey, you!
00:55:28Stop chewing on the table!
00:55:30Stupid tomatoes.
00:55:36Nice hat.
00:55:39What do you say?
00:55:41He likes yours, too.
00:55:42I'll handle this.
00:55:55He needs a hundred bucks.
00:55:57A hundred bucks?
00:56:08He needs the other fifty.
00:56:11Get it!
00:56:18Uh-huh.
00:56:21Right.
00:56:24Got it.
00:56:25Thanks.
00:56:26Come on.
00:56:26Let's get out of here.
00:56:30Well, well, what did he say?
00:56:32He said, follow the stars.
00:56:34Follow the stars?
00:56:35A hundred and fifty bucks for follow the stars?
00:56:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:56:39Well, I don't know.
00:56:40You're the cop.
00:56:40Start acting like one.
00:56:42Come on.
00:56:43Let's rock and roll.
00:56:48I see stars.
00:56:51Don't want to fall for you.
00:56:56You drive me crazy.
00:56:58I don't even have a clue.
00:57:03I could have fought for a ship like you.
00:57:06Who's trained in figures and in brass' eyes.
00:57:10I see stars.
00:57:11I'm trying to fall for a ship like you.
00:57:13I'm sitting on a train for what's a girl to do.
00:57:16I see stars.
00:57:18And it's you that's by my side.
00:57:23I see stars.
00:57:25We're looking through your eyes.
00:57:30I see stars.
00:57:32I see stars.
00:57:33It's earth until you find.
00:57:37I see stars.
00:57:39We're looking through your eyes.
00:57:45This is ruthless.
00:57:47That astrologist told me I had a future in car parts.
00:57:50Do you see any car parts in there?
00:57:51Will you stop?
00:57:52We have been at this all day with nothing to show for it.
00:57:55I know really worried about Root.
00:57:58It's just not like him to be kidnapped and held hostage.
00:58:02Think follow the stars.
00:58:05It has to mean something.
00:58:19Wait for me.
00:58:24That's it.
00:58:25Toronto Hughes Camp Broadcasting School.
00:58:28Not affiliated with CBS Incorporated.
00:58:30Of course.
00:58:30That place up on Crystal Mountain.
00:58:32A better spot for a hideout.
00:58:33And it's only a half mile from where we found those bodies.
00:58:36Kennedy, grab your Charlie's Angels lunchbox.
00:58:40We're going back to school.
00:58:56Oh.
00:58:59Oh.
00:59:01Oh.
00:59:02Oh.
00:59:16This place gets me the creeps.
00:59:18What did you pack in a suitcase?
00:59:20Why is it so dark in here?
00:59:23Maybe we should come back later.
00:59:24There's nobody here.
00:59:25We're all the...
00:59:26Good evening and welcome to Camp Broadcasting School.
00:59:29Not affiliated with CBS Incorporated or the Columbia School of Broadcasting.
00:59:32It's a great night for checking in.
00:59:34I'm your clerk, Charles White.
00:59:36What can I do for you?
00:59:39Uh, we'd like our room, please.
00:59:41Rookies?
00:59:42Great.
00:59:43Just sign right here and you're in.
00:59:45Don't use our real names.
00:59:47What name am I supposed to use?
00:59:48I don't know.
00:59:49Think of something.
00:59:50Is there a problem?
00:59:51Uh, no.
00:59:52We just got married and can't decide which name to use.
00:59:57Well, how about Farfignugan?
00:59:59It's my favorite.
01:00:02Thank you.
01:00:03Bellboy, please show Mr. and Mrs. Goodwrench to their room.
01:00:21Looks heavy.
01:00:23Uh, birdwatching equipment.
01:00:27Thanks anyway, pal.
01:00:29I got it.
01:00:32Does that bellboy look a little familiar to you?
01:00:35Uh, I didn't notice.
01:00:37Wait a minute.
01:00:37I reckon you know now.
01:00:39That's F.T.
01:00:40I knew that shaggy beach ball was up to something.
01:00:42No, you've got it all wrong.
01:00:43F.T. is our friend.
01:00:44I asked him to come here and snoop around.
01:00:46I thought maybe he could help us.
01:00:48Well, I hope he has a day job.
01:00:57Ah, newlyweds.
01:01:07Birdwatching equipment.
01:01:09Goodwrench.
01:01:10Yeah, I think that astrologer put a car hex on me.
01:01:13Lance, let's get started.
01:01:15Right.
01:01:16We've got to find Roode.
01:01:24I thought I told you to pack binoculars.
01:01:27We'll see much farther with that.
01:01:29Now, we need a password or a secret knock.
01:01:33Secret knock?
01:01:34Yes.
01:01:36Yes.
01:01:53See?
01:01:54No, no, that's not it.
01:01:55X-L-C.
01:01:57No.
01:01:58Z-L...
01:02:00X-Y-L-O-P-H-O-N-E.
01:02:01Xanophon.
01:02:02Big deal.
01:02:02So you can spell.
01:02:03There's no reason for you to go kidnap brainwashed reporters.
01:02:05They irritate me, Mr. Roode, just like greedy politicians, lazy sales clerks, and nosy cops.
01:02:13But all that is about to change.
01:02:18It's time for a worldwide attitude adjustment.
01:02:22Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:02:23Starting with you.
01:02:24You mad.
01:02:25No, I'm not mad.
01:02:26Just angry.
01:02:28Why, man?
01:02:29Why?
01:02:30Don't you just hate it when you're in a movie theater?
01:02:32And the person behind you says, oh, watch this.
01:02:35This is where she gets killed.
01:02:37Hey, that happened, brother.
01:02:38Damn.
01:02:38That's nothing compared to when you order a salad with a dressing on the side.
01:02:42The waiter brings a salad 40 minutes later with a huge glob of dressing all over it.
01:02:48That's not the worst thing that happens in a restaurant.
01:02:50How come the food you order never looks like the food in the pictures?
01:02:54And how come you have to ask for a lousy glass of water?
01:02:59Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:03:00Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:03:12Why does it have to be so dark in here?
01:03:15Shh, we can't turn on the light or somebody might see us.
01:03:18Can you see anything?
01:03:19Yeah, a big tree.
01:03:22Wait a minute.
01:03:23It's a nose hair.
01:03:31Shh, look at this.
01:03:34Bingo.
01:03:35That's rude, all right.
01:03:37Come on.
01:03:39All right, one more time now.
01:03:41Action.
01:03:42Now, hatching for the Padres.
01:03:44Pitching for the Padres.
01:03:45Look, just relax.
01:03:47If you say it right, he will come.
01:03:50Okay.
01:03:51Now pitching for the Padres.
01:03:53Number 11, Craig Lepperts.
01:03:56Uh, go get him, Craig.
01:04:01Hey, all right.
01:04:02Hey, you'll be the broadcaster, yeah.
01:04:04You think so?
01:04:05I think what you can do for the real drive?
01:04:07You can get in the pain of love.
01:04:09Remember, food is the secret.
01:04:11Food.
01:04:12I try again.
01:04:12Well, all of a sudden, the mighty Jets have fallen apart.
01:04:16You guys have allowed 236 goals in the last three games.
01:04:19That's abysmal.
01:04:20Atrocious.
01:04:21Trumming.
01:04:22Disastrous.
01:04:22Despicable.
01:04:23Exegrable.
01:04:24God awful.
01:04:24Morrible.
01:04:25Ignominious.
01:04:25Hey, we'd be doing a lot better if our goalie wasn't dead.
01:04:29All rise.
01:04:30Rude and obnoxious.
01:04:32Very good.
01:04:34Of course, that's it.
01:04:35The dead goalie from scene one.
01:04:37I knew I'd seen him somewhere before.
01:04:48It's locked.
01:04:49No kidding.
01:04:51We need a lockpick.
01:04:52We've begun your purse.
01:04:53Nothing like a lockpick.
01:05:08You're right.
01:05:09Nothing like a lockpick.
01:05:10Well, they were out of mace.
01:05:12The girl's got to protect herself.
01:05:13Now, what would you like to try first?
01:05:14How about opening sesame?
01:05:24You see, every time I fly commercial, my bags are the last ones off the gear belt.
01:05:29You're lucky, man.
01:05:30My bags never even get there.
01:05:32Wait.
01:05:33Sometimes, people drive me crazy.
01:05:36Yes, yes, yes.
01:05:38And why does the tallest guy at the ballpark always sit right in front of me?
01:05:41Yes, and he's the only one in the whole damn section smoking.
01:05:44And why is it that a five-minute wait in the restaurant is more like five years?
01:05:48Yes.
01:05:48Is time different for restaurant people like it is for dogs or something?
01:05:52Precisely.
01:05:53And have you ever had to stand in a buffet line behind some old lady picking over the fried chicken?
01:05:58You'll starve to death.
01:05:59Yeah.
01:05:59Why doesn't somebody do something about that?
01:06:01And it drives me crazy when I ask, is it Monday today?
01:06:04And some idiot says, yep, all day.
01:06:06Or did you get a haircut?
01:06:08No, I got them all cut.
01:06:10Aha.
01:06:10Now that you're in the mood, Mr. Rude, how about some television?
01:06:14It's the Universal Home Shopping Network.
01:06:27There's cubic zirconia wheat tremor attached to it.
01:06:30Can't you see I'm brainwashing?
01:06:32I'm sorry, Professor.
01:06:34I mean, Geronahue, the door downstairs has been opened.
01:06:36Someone has entered the secured area.
01:06:38Some.
01:06:39A 19th century French pastry can't...
01:06:42Oh, help me.
01:06:43And speaking of pastry...
01:06:46Rude!
01:06:47Snap out of it!
01:06:48Lance!
01:06:49Dr. Johnson!
01:06:50Boy, my greatest singer, that lunatic was starting to make sense!
01:06:55Heaven, you go get the captain.
01:06:57I've got that maladjusted mastermind right where I want him.
01:07:02Ma'am, I think you are crazy.
01:07:04But I have always thought you were crazy.
01:07:06You know, you make a decent cop yet.
01:07:14Let's go!
01:07:15Right.
01:07:16The dark, plastic pineapple centerpiece, which may bring to our spouse.
01:07:23First thing we've got to do is get rid of that telescope.
01:07:25Why?
01:07:27Do you think they're onto us?
01:07:31Possibly.
01:07:45That was close!
01:07:47More than close!
01:07:49Look at my pajamas!
01:07:50Now, I'm angry!
01:08:01Help!
01:08:10Vintage Tomitos!
01:08:12That does it!
01:08:13Ah!
01:08:16Ah!
01:08:21Ah!
01:08:41Ha!
01:08:45A piece of broken bark.
01:08:48Must be getting close.
01:09:10Hostages!
01:09:10Good or bad, rich or poor, foreign or domestic.
01:09:15Do they have a purpose?
01:09:16How much money do they make?
01:09:18Today we welcome two hostages to our show.
01:09:21One's a former hostage, one's a hostage now, and maybe some of you can become future hostages.
01:09:29On with our show.
01:09:34Today's guests include former hostage Sherry Coke, author of the bestseller, The Hostage Diet, How to Beat the Cravers.
01:09:42And our other guest is a current hostage. We're not going to reveal her name to you right now. We'll
01:09:46wait and see if you can guess who she is by the end of the show.
01:10:01It's a booger bush. I'd recognize it anywhere.
01:10:15It's a booger bush. I'd recognize it anywhere.
01:10:42Great job, professor. They love you.
01:10:45Ah, scary, isn't it?
01:10:46Quickly! It's almost time!
01:10:50Yes, sir. The satellite uplink is ready. In 30 minutes, the world will be ours. Yours. I get the...
01:10:58You get East Lansing and the Kmart in Rutherford, New Jersey. The tomatoes are assembled?
01:11:04Yes, they await you at the Temple of Food. Onward! To destiny!
01:11:54Oh, my God.
01:12:19No, no, no.
01:12:34No, no, no.
01:13:08No, no, no.
01:13:25No, no, no.
01:13:46No, no, no.
01:13:53No, no, no.
01:13:55No, no, no.
01:14:05No, no, no.
01:14:15No, no, no.
01:14:27No, no, no.
01:14:56No, no, no.
01:15:06No, no, no.
01:15:36No, no, no.
01:15:46No, no, no.
01:16:17No, no, no.
01:16:45No, no, no.
01:16:59No, no, no, no.
01:17:17No, no, no, no.
01:17:24No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:17:57No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:18:19No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
01:18:28no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:18:47Sono completamente hipnotizzato da questo commerciale!
01:18:49E quando você compra...
01:18:50That's it!
01:18:51They've been reprogrammed with bad television!
01:18:54...ehhhhh!
01:18:55...all-weather compass,
01:18:56...compatible backscratcher,
01:18:58...heavy-duty tire gauge,
01:18:59...plus the fabulous Flash Show,
01:19:01...nashel for night slicing!
01:19:03...take your Chop-O-Matic anywhere with this custom display!
01:19:05Attention zombies!
01:19:07Cancel the intruders!
01:19:08Repeat, cancel the intruders!
01:19:10This has been a public service announcement.
01:19:13Oh!
01:19:13Do something!
01:19:14Uh!
01:19:16The Ronchko Super Amazing Cap Baffler!
01:19:18Opens anything!
01:19:19In a GIF!
01:19:21Ah!
01:19:22Um!
01:19:22And that's not all!
01:19:23If you enjoy gardening as much as I do,
01:19:25...and I know you do,
01:19:26...then you'll love the revolutionary new Ronchko Garden Gopher!
01:19:29This super aluminum cast construction ensures years of worry-free operation!
01:19:33And it's a breeze to clean!
01:19:35Simply spray it off when you're finished!
01:19:37It's working! Keep going!
01:19:39Um!
01:19:39Ah!
01:19:40What would you pay for all this?
01:19:41Don't answer!
01:19:42...because if you order before midnight tonight,
01:19:43...we're going to throw in absolutely free!
01:19:45A copy of K-Smell's biggest selling album!
01:19:46Mike Tyson's greatest hits!
01:19:48March 7th!
01:19:49Bone Crusher Smith!
01:19:51June 27th!
01:19:52Michael Spinks!
01:19:54August 1st!
01:19:55Robin Givens!
01:20:00Didn't know you were a fight fan!
01:20:01The Sweet Science!
01:20:03Look!
01:20:03Worldwide television special!
01:20:06The show guaranteed to make a brand new you!
01:20:09Quick!
01:20:09We have to stop them!
01:20:17It's gotta be one of my all-time worst days on the job!
01:20:21Retention!
01:20:22Use the hammer!
01:20:24Just do it!
01:20:29Pour it on me!
01:20:30Now is not the time to get kinky!
01:20:33Tomatoes will eat their own kind!
01:20:34If we smell like tomatoes, we'll be safe!
01:20:36Okay, you're the expert!
01:20:39Ow!
01:20:40It would have to be the good stuff!
01:20:42Ah!
01:20:44Ah!
01:20:45Okay!
01:20:46All right, now you!
01:20:48Quick!
01:20:49What are you doing?
01:20:49My mom bought me this coat!
01:20:51You know, we are beginning a food fight!
01:20:53I want you on my side!
01:20:54No!
01:20:54Come on!
01:20:54We've gotta stop for running you!
01:20:584...
01:20:593...
01:21:002...
01:21:021...
01:21:02You're on!
01:21:03Good evening!
01:21:05I know you'll enjoy tonight's program on how to become the perfect you!
01:21:14I think it's time for a few film clips!
01:21:17You'll find them in-
01:21:17Detective Lance Boyle!
01:21:18The city police!
01:21:19Ladies and gentlemen, this man is a fraud!
01:21:21You're now watching a promo for next week's show on police brutality!
01:21:25Don't listen to him!
01:21:26He's trying to brainwash all of you!
01:21:28Pay no attention!
01:21:29Our boyfriend is a type of cop who ducks donuts while crying the bounds in the community!
01:21:33Listen, people out there in television land!
01:21:35This man hates human nature!
01:21:37He's bent on total world domination!
01:21:40And he's using subliminal TV mind control!
01:21:45That's right!
01:21:46That's right!
01:21:48Subliminal TV mind control!
01:21:53Nothing will prevent me from reprogramming the entire human race!
01:21:58Oh, yeah?
01:21:59Well, I, as a member of the human race, and damn proud of it, challenge you, self-appointed
01:22:03supreme being, to a duel!
01:22:06Mono?
01:22:07A mono!
01:22:08That's right!
01:22:09Paint guns at 10 paces!
01:22:11The person with the least splotches wins!
01:22:13Choose your weapon, madman!
01:22:15When I finish with you, you'll look like you were on the wrong end of a Wagner Power Painter!
01:22:20We'll see, won't we?
01:22:23Ready!
01:22:26There!
01:22:28I didn't say go yet!
01:22:32Bad guys don't wait for go!
01:22:35Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
01:22:37Igor!
01:22:39I think it's time we pop this boil!
01:22:43No!
01:22:50Ow!
01:22:53That's tea!
01:23:02The guy's got a glass jaw!
01:23:05Non proprio.
01:23:07Oh, oh, it's, it's fertilizer.
01:23:12Oh, oh, no, I'm smelling!
01:23:15I'm smelling!
01:23:20Leon? No!
01:23:23No, Melvin?
01:23:24We know each other.
01:23:26I, I'm your friend.
01:23:29It's reasonable.
01:23:31Talk this over.
01:23:33Let's do it!
01:23:37Not there!
01:23:39I, I created you!
01:23:41No!
01:23:51You get the feeling you've seen this somewhere before?
01:23:57You're a mess!
01:23:58I'm a mess? You should see yourself!
01:24:00Oh, pretty bad, huh?
01:24:02Oh, awful.
01:24:03Too awful to kiss?
01:24:08I suppose I could give it a try.
01:24:34Hello, everybody, and welcome to the NFL Post Film Show.
01:24:37I'm Charlie Jones, live in the winner's locker room, my broadcast partner, down the hall in the loser's locker room,
01:24:43and we'll be going down the hall in just a moment to visit that scene.
01:24:47But here is Bella, first, Steve Pease, here's Steve Pease, the executive producer.
01:24:50Do you have a moment to visit with us?
01:24:52Absolutely.
01:24:52What are your thoughts at this time?
01:24:53Well, we're pleased to have it in the can, and it was a little scary there for a while, but
01:24:59in the end came through.
01:25:00We were only 43 weeks over-scheduled, but that's the business, and in the end, it's all these folks, it's
01:25:05these people, it's this crew, it's to their credit.
01:25:08In fact, there go the credits right now.
01:25:11Oh, yeah.
01:25:12Let's get the director, John DiBello, the director, John.
01:25:16Can we get you in here, John?
01:25:18There's something, there's something, all right, there's something that I'm really dying to ask for.
01:25:22Yeah, we're number one.
01:25:22Yes, that's right, but let me tell you something, in all of the months of shooting, the long hours, and
01:25:27all of the overtime, how many times did you yell, cut?
01:25:35Okay, okay, that's fine, that's fine.
01:25:37This has to be a thrilling moment for you.
01:25:39Oh, yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, anytime you make a movie, I mean, it's something, I mean, the cast
01:25:44was great, the crew was great, I mean, the movie's over.
01:25:49Over, over, yes, okay, well, thank you, our time is over here, let's get Rick, Rick, where's Rick, Rick, can
01:25:55we break in there, can we break in there, just for a moment, Rick, you have to be very proud.
01:26:04Thanks, and thank you, Charlie, I mean, heck, I'm just glad to be here.
01:26:08Let's go to the videotape, the monitor here, we have a scene that was cut from the film, why don't
01:26:12you take us inside the action here?
01:26:14Okay, that's Kennedy, ah, I remember this scene, I really had a lot of fun making this scene, I'm sorry
01:26:23they cut it from the film, but.
01:26:24Oh, it had to be a thrill.
01:26:25It was a real thrill.
01:26:26Where's Kennedy, Kennedy, Kennedy, can you get, Kennedy, how are you, congratulations.
01:26:33Thank you very much.
01:26:34You have to be thrilled.
01:26:35Oh, really, I am, I am.
01:26:37And what are your thoughts about this scene that we just saw on the monitor?
01:26:40Well, Charlie, um, I worked out for two years to prepare for this role, and I was a little surprised,
01:26:45frankly, when they cut that scene, but I hope to get to do a movie real soon where I take
01:26:50all my clothes off.
01:26:51Well, we're all wishing you the very best, and we hope that that happens very soon for all of us.
01:26:55Now let's go down the hall to the Loser's Locker Room, and here's my broadcast column.
01:26:59Charlie, I'm here with Dr. Mortimer Gangrene, a.k.a. Geronahue. Geronahue, tough loss today.
01:27:05Yeah, we had them, Chuck, but we gave it away at the end.
01:27:09Got to give them credit, though.
01:27:10They got us out of our game plan.
01:27:12We made some mistakes, but I'll be back.
01:27:14You can count on it.
01:27:15I'm sure you will be.
01:27:16Charlie, back to you.
01:27:18We're back here in the winner's locker room, and you know, these credits are hard to read backwards.
01:27:23Oh, I'm sorry, Charlie.
01:27:24Here.
01:27:25Oh, thanks, Rick.
01:27:27Hey.
01:27:29That's it from here.
01:27:36Am I too late?
01:27:38Am I too late?
01:27:39Grazie a tutti.