- 1 day ago
First broadcast 8th December 2017.
Sandi Toksvig
Alan Davies
Jimmy Carr
Sara Pascoe
Colin Lane
Sandi Toksvig
Alan Davies
Jimmy Carr
Sara Pascoe
Colin Lane
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Goodbye, okay. Thanks for coming to IQ. Tonight we're in opposite world where everything you thought was right is either
00:11wrong or left and vice versa. Or it might be the other way around. Anyway, up in reverse order. These
00:18are not my guests. On the contrary, Sarah Pascoe.
00:25No way, it's Jimmy Carr.
00:32It definitely can't be Colin Lane.
00:38And I can't believe it's not Davis Allen.
00:42But it is!
00:49So, because we're doing opposites tonight, every time you get something wrong, you get a bonus.
00:55That's good, isn't it?
00:59Alan's big night.
01:01Let's listen to the buzzers.
01:03Sarah goes.
01:04Night and day.
01:07That's a lot of things.
01:08Beautiful.
01:09Very nice, isn't it?
01:10Colin goes.
01:12Beverly and Ivory.
01:16Oh, I want a drink now.
01:18Jimmy goes.
01:19Love and marriage.
01:21Love and marriage.
01:23They're not really opposites, are they?
01:26What, love and marriage?
01:27Yeah.
01:27If you're doing it right.
01:28Oh.
01:30And Alan goes.
01:31In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out.
01:34Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:36Shaking all about.
01:47I'm sorry, base-level kama-sufra there.
01:52E-now, e-now, e-now, check it all about.
01:54You'll be fine.
01:56Anyway, rather than getting to business, we should do the opposite and have some fun.
02:00So, I've got some alka-pops like this.
02:03I've got some, look at these.
02:05There's your balloons.
02:07I've got suns, chocolates.
02:11There's another balloon for you.
02:13OK.
02:14So, here's the thing.
02:15Sorry, I'll drop by and I'll drop by.
02:16It's party time.
02:17Oh, you dropped your balloon?
02:19Jimmy's going to be a singer, Billy.
02:20No, no, don't.
02:32Yes.
02:34Yes.
02:35If you just, could you hold up the red balloon for a second there, because it'll look like a Banksy.
02:48It's party time, OK?
02:50Oh, yeah.
02:50Here we go.
02:51You are driving home from the shot.
02:53You are so excited.
02:54That's good, isn't it, Colin?
02:55Well, that's me.
02:56Oh!
02:58You're so excited that, unfortunately, you crash into a tree.
03:01Oh.
03:02Yeah.
03:02And that's why you use my face.
03:06In Australia, they drive right-hand drive, right, Carl?
03:09Yes, they do.
03:10What's that?
03:12So, it's technically wrong?
03:13And in that photo, I'd probably miss the tree, if you see the perspective.
03:18Let us imagine, you crashed into a tree.
03:20I want to know what happens to the helium balloons.
03:23Well, I'm more worried about him.
03:25Yeah.
03:25What about me?
03:26Yes.
03:27Yeah, that's quite hard.
03:28If the helium balloons pop, and then you ring the ambulance, they won't believe you.
03:32They'll think you're doing a prank call.
03:34That's right.
03:35Imagine you sound like a silly boy.
03:36Yes.
03:36Alan, what were you going to say?
03:37Are they going to keep going?
03:39Which way?
03:41Uh, up.
03:42Were they...?
03:48Is there something to do with the airbag?
03:51Because the airbag's going to get released, and then there's another gas in the car.
03:55So, do they fall in love?
03:57And run away together?
03:59You look like a snooker player on a night out.
04:03No.
04:08No.
04:09No.
04:09I'm going to do the airbag.
04:10So, helium, less dense than air.
04:12Yeah.
04:12All right.
04:13So, everything else is going to get thrown forward.
04:14The Alka-Pops is going to get thrown forward.
04:15The Chuck is going to get thrown forward.
04:16They stay still.
04:21This is a stupid show.
04:24They go down.
04:25They go down.
04:25They go down.
04:25They go down.
04:25They go down.
04:26They go down.
04:26They go down.
04:28They go backwards.
04:29They go backwards.
04:30They go backwards.
04:32They go backwards.
04:33They go backwards.
04:34They go backwards.
04:34Then, when you accelerate, what's going to happen to the helium balloon?
04:37Because the helium balloon's gone backwards.
04:38They go sideways.
04:40They go sideways.
04:40The same.
04:41They go forwards.
04:42They go forwards.
04:44Exactly
04:46Okay, so enough part time let's put things away. This is a limit the amount of fun. You're allowed. There
04:50you go. Okay
04:53Then the set will gradually
04:59It's going well so far
05:08Maybe a bit washed up things aren't so good I
05:12I used to be someone now. I just pay for cash in pubs
05:17I'll be happy
05:18Like a really ambitious porn star
05:28Like I would know
05:30Okay, so we're doing opposites. What's the opposite of Monopoly?
05:35Fun
05:40Extra point okay, the actual word Monopoly
05:43Panapoli is what you think it's gonna. That's like a display of pineapple is it?
05:48So what does a monopoly mean?
05:50One single
05:52Supplier single supplier. Okay, so Monopoly. It's what we long for in the railways again. Yes
05:59So Monopoly a single supplier holding consumers to ransom so what we're looking for is a single consumer who can
06:04hold suppliers to ransom
06:05It's called a monopsony and is the opposite of Monopoly. I love the way you kept going with that question
06:09and that never in a million years
06:14So I did the economics a-level for a year and that's what it felt like
06:18So what's an example so the BBC for example has a monopsony on radio drama right lots of people want
06:24to write it
06:25Lots of people want to be in it, but a pretty much the BBC are the only people who produce
06:28it
06:28So there are lots and lots of suppliers, but there's only one consumer and one listener
06:43She won't be seeing this
06:46So a single passenger say disembarking from a train and there's lots of taxis waiting that would be another example
06:52There's only one consumer and everybody is vying for their customers. So it's a monopsony
06:56So monopsony is the opposite of Monopoly, but nobody ever uses it and there are lots of words called orphaned
07:02Negative so these are words that have the opposites, but nobody uses them. They're now obsolete. So what would be
07:08the opposite of?
07:10ineffable
07:13Nobody uses is a perfectly good word. I've heard people say that if a bolt enough effable. Oh, he's got
07:18nice trousers on today. He's totally effable
07:29Funny and thank you
07:32I really appreciate it. They're very roomy
07:35There are lots of good ones incessant so cessant nobody talks about cessant anymore
07:40What is the weird thing about this word? Okay?
07:42What it tells you in the dictionary is that cessant hasn't been used since 1701
07:46What happened that year? They thought you know I'm done with that word
07:49What about for you? What about disdain?
07:51Oh, yes, the opposite of being a good Dane. Yes, a disdain
07:57Disdain
08:20Disdain
08:27Innocent
08:27Innocent
08:28Innocent
08:28Innocent was a criminal
08:29Innocent
08:30Until about the 17th century, so nocentum Latin meaning to harm
08:33He's nonchalant
08:35Shallent
08:36Shallent
08:37Shallent
08:37Yes
08:38I'm going to refer to you as shallant. I like that. I think that sounds rather good
08:41What shallant?
08:42Yeah, shallant and effable
08:47Stopping you
08:48To be fair jimmy. I had to have it pointed out to me
08:58The only downside to that with jimmy is he does have to keep one foot on the floor at all
09:02times
09:05Someone has to keep one foot on the floor everyone falls over
09:12Take that away with you
09:16Inflammable
09:17Oh, I hate the
09:18Inflammable and flammable same thing
09:20It is exactly the same thing
09:21It's not an orphan negative at all
09:23In fact, the opposite of flammable is non-flammable
09:26Explicif
09:27I beg your pardon
09:28Just reading
09:29Oh, exclusive
09:31It used to be in flammable because it comes from the Latin in flammere
09:34But they adopted flammable deliberately in the 20th century because honestly in flammable seemed ambiguous
09:39So that is one of the reasons why we now say flammable and then non flammable
09:43Anybody know what a contronym is oh, so it says like synonym yeah antonym
09:49Yes, somebody who's constantly contrary
09:52So it's a word that is also its own opposite so screen which means to show like screen a film
09:59and screen also means to hide
10:00Another example bound so fastened to the spots and also heading somewhere
10:05Oh
10:08Fast so moving quickly and stuck and unable to move is also
10:12I always thought the fast food the fastest not to eat and then also to eat loads really cheaply. Yeah
10:17There you go
10:19I think we may need marijuana for this
10:22It used to be like this should be a conversation that happens at like yeah, man fast
10:26Yeah
10:29Fast food
10:30I love that your impression of someone on drugs means you've never taken them
10:37You can have stoned
10:38Yeah
10:39As in stone yeah, and stoned as in what happens to you in some places if you're stoned
10:50Antigrams anybody know what an antigram is it is the opposite of a gram
10:55So these are our words where if you do an anagram the anagram itself has the opposite meaning to the
11:01original word so
11:04Dormitories tidier rooms is one there's one customers. I like this one the anagram is store scum
11:15There's a few people out there working retail
11:20There's another one an antigram a volunteer fireman I never run to a flame
11:28And 45 is an anagram of over 50
11:33It's just a woman lying basically
11:37You need to sort the sheep from the gates, so let's play
11:44Sheep or goat
11:47Oh
11:49This is really dumbed down
11:50This show used to be something
11:56What is the difference between a sheep and a goat?
11:58I think it's something that they do rather than what they look like
12:02Okay, what do you think it is?
12:03Jumping
12:04I think I I love that clip so much where people are doing yoga and the goats are jumping on
12:09them
12:09And I've never seen a sheep
12:13Seriously
12:14You've not seen this
12:15Basically, there's all these people and they're doing downward dogs and then tiny goats
12:19I'm going to stop you right there
12:23They're doing yoga poses
12:24Oh, I see
12:25With their bums in the air
12:26Right
12:26And goats are just jumping on them like they're hillocks
12:29From person to person
12:30It went crazy
12:32What kind of a class is that?
12:33But the problem is
12:34So you're supposed to be so focused on your yoga
12:36You ignore the goats
12:37And the goats are just like having a crazy great time
12:41This is everything I hate about yoga
12:45There's goats jumping on your ass and you don't go
12:49That's craziness
12:50You can but then you're bad at yoga
12:54Can I just say
12:55Where is the sheep?
12:56Yeah, don't go to yoga
13:00I've never seen a sheep jump
13:02That's my point
13:03I think goats are very agile
13:05She can jump
13:05She can jump
13:06They can jump
13:06Yeah, they can jump
13:07In your dreams
13:07Because sometimes they jump for no reason at all
13:10Can I just say
13:11My game has not gone where I was expecting
13:15The simplest way to tell them apart is that goats' tails point upwards
13:19That is the easiest way
13:20It's almost like they're asking for it
13:25Don't listen to him, he's a bad man
13:29That's the whole point of the horns
13:31Don't listen to him either
13:33They're both terrible men
13:37I'm so sorry
13:38You've ruined the yoga class
13:40How are these ruined?
13:42So another clear distinction is kind of a martial arts style
13:45So rams back up and charge in order to butt heads
13:49Whereas billies will rear up
13:51Look at that, that's fantastic
13:52They'll rear up on their hind legs and try and nut their opponent there
13:54Okay
13:55And when the two species fight each other
13:57The ram style gives them an advantage because he hits the billy in the middle in amidships there
14:01But also another difference between them is
14:04They look different
14:07Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, Alan, slow down
14:09What are you talking about?
14:10One's a sheep and one's a goat
14:12Look different
14:14Sculpt differently
14:16They have different names
14:18Different names
14:19Okay
14:20Let's find out whether you're right
14:22Whether it is in fact because they look different
14:24As we play sorting the sheep from the goats
14:30Sheep or goat?
14:33I'm telling you, Jimmy, you're going to be hosting this before long
14:38Okay, here we go
14:39First picture
14:41Goat
14:44In your face
14:46You heard it's a sheep
14:47The giveaway is the long floppy ears
14:49There's definitely a sheep
14:50And the fact that it's a sheep
14:52All right, next one
14:55Oh
14:55Sheep
14:56That's a sheep
14:57Sheep
14:57Sheep
14:57Sheep
14:59Sheep
14:59Wow
15:00Say the opposite of what it looks like
15:04I think it's the game
15:05Dog
15:07It's an angora goat
15:09Next one
15:10What are we going for?
15:11I'm saying sheep because it looks like a goat
15:12Okay, the main reason we know it's a sheep
15:14Because the tail is down
15:17Okay, next one
15:18What do I reckon about this one?
15:24It is a pig
15:26It's a curly-coated mangalitza
15:28From Austria or the borders of Hungary
15:30Actually the really interesting thing
15:32I talked about sheep's tails hanging down
15:33So about a quarter of the world's sheep are what they call fat-tailed varieties
15:37So they store fat in their tails
15:40They've got booties
15:41Yeah
15:42Just like a camel
15:43Stores fat
15:43Can we show that?
15:47I'm not sure
15:49That feels like
15:50I mean I'm not sure how our researchers come up with this stuff
15:52But that feels like that was quite a specialist search
15:54And they went, you know what, that could be in the show
15:57So they store fat in their tails rather like their camel stores it in their hump
16:01And there are various sources
16:02So Pliny the Elder
16:03Right up to Bruce Chatterin
16:05They state that some of these sheep were actually fitted with a wheeled trolley
16:08To carry their tails around behind them
16:11They are so much fat
16:12The Kardashian sheep
16:14Yes
16:17I'm familiar
16:19It's a picturesque notion
16:21Okay, now that we've all become experts in animal identification
16:25Can you tell me what this is?
16:29Awww
16:29Has someone drawn a face on my testicle?
16:34I love that you're not sure
16:37I hope they have drawn a paw on your testicle as well
16:41The paw's always there
16:42That's all
16:45The paw's on one of my testicles, the other two don't have one
16:49It feels like it's a hedgehog without his spikes
16:52You're absolutely right
16:53That is exactly what it is
16:54Oh
16:55It didn't grow them from birth
16:57This is so sweet
16:58Presumably from some kind of trauma
17:01We don't know
17:02It's a
17:03It was technically
17:04Oh, you've really got this one bad, haven't you?
17:08Awww
17:09Awww
17:11Awww
17:12Awww
17:13Awww
17:15Awww
17:16Awww
17:16One spinous hedgehog and you'll lose it
17:19Sends it's country up if you ask me
17:23Let's check out the next one
17:24This one's an awww
17:27Awww
17:27Awww
17:28What is this part of the show?
17:31Kills me
17:32He looks quite cross though, doesn't he?
17:33It's like
17:34Yeah, what'd you say?
17:35What'd you say?
17:36Well hang on, are all birds doing that the whole time?
17:38Maybe
17:39And we've just seen what they're really like?
17:41Yeah
17:41Cos you look at birds and go, oh he's adorable
17:42But they're actually going, come on then
17:45I can't get my hands on my hips!
17:50Damn you, evolution!
17:54What happened there? Was he allergic to peri-peri sauce?
17:58Is he essentially upset because somebody's prodding him in the back with a bendy sausage?
18:05Yeah, that's not bad
18:06That's unfortunately the weirdest part of that photo in my opinion
18:10That is a cockatoo, a Moluccan cockatoo who has lost his feathers
18:14He is
18:15He is
18:15I would describe him as plucked
18:20Now, what's the opposite of a plant-eating sheep?
18:24Sheep
18:25A plant
18:26That grows sheep
18:31See, just when I think what I've said is really clear
18:36You now sound like a vegan who's really hungry
18:39What did the plant-eating sheep would be a...
18:41A sheep-eating plant
18:42Yes
18:44Well done, Colin
18:53Colin, I'm just going to remind you, I said at the beginning
18:56Yes
18:56The more you get wrong, the more points you get
18:59I don't know if that's going to affect you in any way
19:03I've been on this show about six or seven times and I still don't know what the rules are
19:07Oh
19:09I have no idea
19:10So, there is said to be a sheep-eating plant
19:13It is called the puyachillensis
19:15There it is, same family as the pineapple
19:17And what it does
19:18It sounds like...
19:20This is someone that's stolen a sheep
19:21And his friend's gone, where's my sheep?
19:24And he's gone, well, you're sheep
19:25I'm a bloody plant, mate
19:28Bloody...
19:29Don't take your eyes off that pineapple
19:32So what happens is, the sheep gets entangled in its spiny leaves
19:37And then the sheep starves to death
19:40Then the animal decays and it takes the nutrients as it decays into the soil
19:45It's described as a proto-carnivorous system
19:48So some naturalists think that that suggests the plant is on the evolutionary path towards being a carnivore
19:52And other people don't think that's right at all in terms of evolution
19:55There is one in Surrey, the Royal Horticultural Society in Wisley
19:59In 2013, it bloomed for the very first time in 15 years
20:03The spokesman said, we keep it well fed with liquid fertiliser
20:07As feeding it on its natural diet might prove a bit problematic
20:12I like the idea of all those smart women going to the Royal Horticultural Society in Wisley
20:16And going, my God, that plant's got a sheep
20:19So there's nearly 600 species of carnivorous plants
20:22So anybody know what this one is?
20:24Is that the Venus flytrap?
20:26Yeah, so let's just see if we can get it to think that I'm flying in
20:35I mean, I'm not the toughest person on the planet
20:37But it's quite strong
20:39It is quite strong
20:40So it's nearly 600 species of carnivorous plant
20:42About 300 of them are proto-carnivorous
20:45And they have a different range of approaches
20:46So the Venus flytrap, obviously, it actively traps insects
20:49But there are others which might trap an insect
20:51And then feed on the faeces left by other bugs which come to eat the trapped insects
20:56Oh, OK
20:56So the one on the right there is a South African plant called a Roridula
20:59And it does just that
21:00Isn't that odd though, right, that we're all familiar with the Venus flytrap
21:04So when we sit here and watch a plant go
21:06Like that, we'll just shrug that off
21:08Yeah
21:08But that's actually really frightening
21:09Yeah
21:09It's just slightly different
21:11If it was massive, it would do it to us
21:13It's only a matter of time
21:15Well, it could also be
21:16Especially for you, Sandy
21:17Let's face it
21:17That's so true
21:20I'm just going to give you that
21:22If you could just keep it away from me and that would be lovely
21:30There's also a story of a man-eating tree in Madagascar, 1874
21:34New York World wrote about this
21:36Supposedly a woman had been eaten alive
21:37In fact, of course, it was a hoax
21:39But it became a sort of enduring myth
21:41And as late as 1925, there was a book called Madagascar Land of the Man-Eating Tree
21:46It was written by a curious man called Chase Osborne
21:49He was an ex-governor of Michigan
21:51He did genuinely search for the tree
21:53But it's a myth
21:54Or is it?
21:56Now, this is a human optogram
21:59What does it prove?
22:02I always thought optograms was that thing where they could look in your eye and see who had murdered you
22:06What now?
22:07This is like before, like, DNA and stuff
22:10And they were like, oh, no
22:11Oh, no, we always had DNA
22:13It's really
22:15More like before we knew about it
22:17Yes, okay
22:18I'm a Victorian policeman
22:19This woman's died
22:21I know
22:22Well, get her eyes out
22:23Have a look on the retina
22:24The last thing she's seen
22:26That will be the killer
22:27Was that like a commonly held?
22:29Well, it began in the 17th century
22:31So there was a priest called Christopher Scheiner
22:33And he claimed he had seen the image of a flame on the retina of a frog that he had
22:38been dissecting
22:38So then you get the development of photography, so that's about the 1840s
22:42And that seemed to provide a sort of theoretical basis for this notion
22:45There was a German physiologist called Wilhelm Kuhlen
22:491878
22:49He immobilized a rabbit and forced it to look at a window for three minutes
22:54Then he decapitated it
22:56Cut open the eye
22:57And the next day he said that the retina dried and revealed an image of the window
23:01That was the last thing that the rabbit had been staring at
23:03Oh shit
23:04So he was able to
23:05So hang on
23:07So he was able to reveal that he killed the rabbit
23:10Yes
23:12That's a bit of luck
23:13I could have saved him a bit of time then
23:151880 he decided to repeat this experiment
23:17With the head of a guillotined murderer
23:19A man called Erhard Gustav Reif
23:21And his left eye was dissected ten minutes after he died
23:24And the resulting optogram is that picture that I saw at the very beginning
23:28And it has been suggested it's the blade of the guillotine
23:31Seems very unlikely he was blindfolded at the time
23:36The last bit of toast he had
23:39Unfortunately all we have is that sketch
23:41We don't have the actual image
23:43So this idea about optograms was taken up by fictional writers of Jules Verne
23:46And some of the popular press
23:47And it appears because this was widely believed
23:50That some killers took the precaution of taking their victim's eyes with them
23:54To make sure there was no
23:55They seem really principally to be concerned with her hat in that picture
23:59Yes
24:02Where does that happen? I think it's over there
24:06I can't reach it
24:09Take a step nearer
24:11But there's been research into this idea, optography
24:14As recently as 1975
24:17Evangelos Alexandris of the University of Heidelberg
24:19He produced a number of images from
24:21What was the eyes of dead rabbits?
24:23Oh
24:23It's not nice
24:24You've got such big eyes maybe
24:26Bright eyes, famously bright eyes
24:28They eat a lot of carrots
24:31They eat a lot of carrots
24:31Did you know that carrots are not dead?
24:33Yeah, okay
24:34Not dead when you eat them
24:35Carrots are not what? Where?
24:37They die in your stomach
24:38They don't die when you bite into them
24:39They only die from the stomach
24:40That's why they say delicious
24:42But no, it's worse than you think
24:44Because I've been eating
24:45Baby carrots
24:50I'm a monster
24:55I'm a monster
24:56This guy from the University of Heidelberg
24:57Did manage to produce some images
24:58So there may be some underlying scientific faces for this notion
25:02But we're not really sure
25:03Do you know where Albert Einstein's eyeballs are?
25:06They weren't buried with him
25:07No, 1955
25:09They were removed during his autopsy
25:11And they were given as a gift
25:12To his personal physician Henry Abrams
25:14Oh, and they made the first one of those desk toys
25:25As far as we know they're in a safe deposit box in New York City
25:28But there's quite a thing of it
25:30Do you know where Napoleon's penis is?
25:33Is it Wellington's house?
25:35Is it?
25:36Absolutely
25:36Again, we're not entirely sure
25:38We think it's in a special box in New Jersey
25:41In a special box
25:42What do you like?
25:44I'll do the filth
25:45It was taken off at the autopsy
25:47And then it was sort of displayed around the world
25:48And much mocked for its size
25:50Yeah, yeah
25:54And in the end a urologist in New Jersey
25:57Called Dr John Latimer
25:58He bought it
25:59And he was so upset at people teasing Napoleon's penis
26:02Weird
26:03He had a special box made
26:04And it's in the family home in New Jersey as far as we know
26:07There's a penis for sale in London
26:09Sorry?
26:09I was looking into it
26:12Thought I might get an upgrade
26:15I was in a very strange store in the East End of London
26:17And the last man that was hanged in Britain
26:20They have his penis
26:21Is for sale
26:22How much is it?
26:23Yes, there is
26:25And was he hung?
26:27Thank God
26:35Anyway
26:36An optogram won't prove you're guilty or innocent for that matter
26:39Here is a simple one
26:41Who's the opposite of Tarzan?
26:47Yes
26:48Nasrat
26:58So it's going to be a wild, like an ape, raised in the city
27:02So Wayne Rooney, Liam Gallagher
27:06They shave and they walk upright but it's not good is it?
27:09They should be with their own kind
27:10Well
27:11In a way you're right
27:14The opposite is an ape brought up as an English gentleman
27:16And there was such a thing
27:17It was a lowland gorilla
27:19Oh my God he looks so human
27:23It was a lowland gorilla orphaned by hunters in the Gabon
27:26It was put up for sale in the Derry and Toms department store
27:28It was known as John Daniels
27:30It was bought in 1918 for £300
27:32So that's about £20,000 today
27:35It was bought by Major Rupert Penny
27:37And entrusted to his sister Alice Cunningham
27:39And he lived in a country house in Gloucestershire
27:41Why not?
27:42He was brought up as a boy
27:43Not as a gorilla
27:43Although I'd say a boy fond of drinking whiskey and port
27:47He was fed on children
27:49Fed on children
27:49And he went to the finished school
27:52How'd he do?
27:53Well, this is the thing
27:54He was quite good at making his own bed
27:56He was quite good at doing the washing up
27:58He could use light switches on the lavatory
28:00Oh, was it when there was Montessori schools?
28:02Yes
28:05He preferred the company of women
28:06When there was a group of men he would urinate on them
28:08Which is not
28:09Oh
28:10And he would walk into people's houses and help himself to cider
28:14It's actually kind of a sad story
28:16Because eventually he grew to being and Alice couldn't manage him
28:19And she sold him to an American for a thousand guineas
28:21And she thought he was going to have a wonderful life in Florida
28:23But in fact he was made to join the Barnum and Bailey circus
28:26And was displayed in a zoo
28:28Oh
28:28Yes
28:29Let's try and focus on the positive
28:31Show business
28:33He's going to show business
28:34His health deteriorated and Alice was sent a telegram
28:36To say that John Daniel was pining for her
28:38And she set sail for America
28:40But very sadly he died of pneumonia before she arrived
28:42It's just four and a
28:43Yes, it's a really sad story
28:45And he was given to the American Natural History Museum
28:47Where you can still see his body displayed
28:49But he did for that brief period of time
28:51He was a boy in Gloucestershire
28:53Growing up
28:53Good living as a boy
28:54Good living as a boy
28:55Yeah
28:55A chimpanzee is alright until they get to about a year old
28:59And then they'll rip your arm off
29:00Well here's the trouble
29:01And tigers are like that
29:02We had a tiger on Jonathan Creek
29:04And they brought this tiger in with a chain
29:06And about three handlers
29:08And they said
29:09Will Alan do a photo with the tiger?
29:11I was a bit apprehensive
29:12And I said
29:12Is it?
29:13You sure?
29:14I mean it doesn't know me
29:15Yeah
29:15I said oh no it's fine
29:16They're not really a danger until they're about 12 months old
29:19I said oh good good
29:20How old is this one?
29:21And he goes it's 11 months
29:25Now we're going into orbit
29:27So here's the thought
29:28We have all this nuclear waste
29:31Stinking the place up
29:33Instead of keeping it underground
29:34Why don't we do the opposite
29:36And just fire it into the sun
29:38And forget about it
29:40I've only just started recycling
29:44If you fired it all at the sun
29:45Yeah
29:46Wouldn't Rupert Murdoch be upset?
29:50Suddenly it seems like a good idea
30:00Maybe because it would be very dangerous
30:02And the sun would explode
30:03And we'd all die
30:04I think the sun could go
30:05Would it make it more powerful
30:06And send it back?
30:07Oh
30:07So the first thing is that it's unbelievably dangerous to put nuclear waste in a rocket
30:12Right?
30:12Because if the rocket explodes then you'd have the most world's biggest dirty bomb
30:16But the major objection to this superficially attractive idea
30:19Is that counterintuitively it is extremely difficult to get something to fall into the sun
30:24So you would think it would be easy
30:26Oh
30:26So imagine that this is the sun
30:27Yeah
30:27And we are travelling around
30:29But we are constantly drawn
30:30Aren't we?
30:31Yeah
30:31Towards the sun
30:32But we're also travelling really fast around the sun
30:36So we're travelling at 30 kilometres per second
30:38So that's 67,000 miles per hour
30:41So we might miss the sun and hit ourselves again
30:44Well no we wouldn't hit ourselves
30:45But in order to get something to go into the sun
30:47What we actually have to do is slow it down
30:50Until it's not going sideways anymore
30:52Because even with a tiny bit of sideways speed you would miss the sun
30:55And it would just whip round
30:56And in order to get our object to fall into the sun
30:58You need to get the speed down to zero
31:00So that means thrusting the rockets backwards
31:03That's 67,000 miles per hour
31:05Have you seen the documentary about this
31:06Where it happens?
31:08It is visible
31:09I'll refer you to Superman 4
31:11Oh sorry
31:14Because he took all the bombs
31:15And he threw them at the sun
31:17And it was fine
31:18Well he had the power
31:19The trouble is we don't have a rocket that's powerful enough
31:21NASA's new horizon craft can go at 36,000 miles per hour
31:25That's 53% of the power that we actually need to get the rocket to fall into the sun
31:29It's called a sun dive
31:30So weirdly, rather perversely
31:32It would actually be easier to send our cargo of nuclear waste out into deep space
31:37Than it would be to drop it into the sun
31:40Because we actually need less power to get out of the solar system altogether
31:44Okay, here for the audience ready?
31:46By a cheer
31:47Who's fed up with austerity?
31:53Me too
31:54So time to take the opposite tack I reckon
31:55Let's have a bit of ostentatious consumption
31:58So I've got some menus here for you
32:00From a Chinese restaurant
32:01Chinese takeaway
32:02There you go
32:03Chinese takeaway
32:04Now the Kangxi Emperor who ruled China around 1700
32:07Was the most ostentatious eater of all time
32:10So here is my question
32:12Which of his eight mountain delicacies do you fancy?
32:16Leopard foetus
32:17Yeah
32:17And these are...
32:18These are...
32:19I can't...
32:20The vegans can't talk anymore
32:21She's having a panic attack
32:23I don't think there's anything here for me
32:26What?
32:27The problem is...
32:28I have any seaweed
32:30There is vegetarian stuff here
32:32There's the boar's testicles
32:33You don't necessarily have to kill the boar for those
32:35That isn't how veganism works
32:38There's an actual menu from the birthday of the Kangxi Emperor
32:42Who was on the throne from 1661 to 1722
32:44Why do you be so thrilled to get an invite to the Emperor's party?
32:47I know
32:47What are we having?
32:48Is there going to be cake?
32:50No, better than that
32:51Monkey break
32:52He called it the Manchu Han Imperial Feast
32:55So it's kind of like a fusion style blowout really
32:58Because he was trying to reconcile rival factions
33:01So he was showcasing both the Manchu and the Han cuisine
33:03The meal lasted for three days
33:05There were six successive banquets
33:07124 starters and 196 main courses
33:11Look, there's that hedgehog
33:17That looks like the brain of something in that middle one
33:19Is that the brain of something?
33:20Yeah, it is a brain
33:21Monkey brains
33:22I wonder what it's thinking
33:26Seafood platter included sea slug, fish tripe, swallows' nest, shark's fin and fish bones
33:31But it was the mountain delicacy that really pushed the boat out
33:33That was your leopard foetus and your camel's hump and so on
33:35But that kind of opulence is extraordinary
33:38There's a marvellous story about the first Earl Spencer
33:40So that's Princess Diana's great great great great grandfather
33:44In the 1750s he had the finest house in London
33:47He was especially proud of an innovation
33:49Carpets
33:49But he could only afford three of them
33:51So he had this system whereby as the guests move through the house
33:54The doors were closed behind them and they would roll up the carpet
34:00And there was a guy called Henry Padgett
34:03He was the 5th Marquess of Anglesey
34:04So 1875 to 1905
34:06He modified his car so that the exhaust pipe sprayed perfume
34:11Wow
34:11That's like those new pants you can get
34:13Have you seen them?
34:15There's his new pants
34:15No, it's true, it's true
34:18It's like you and I live in a parallel universe
34:20There's pants that if you fart it smells of mint
34:25Well actually that sounds very sensible
34:27Yeah
34:29Now, what is this guy's problem?
34:33Oh, he, he
34:33Oh
34:34Oh, yes
34:35Goats
34:36Goat yoga
34:39Goat yoga
34:40Goat yoga
34:40I think he's
34:42Goat yoga
34:42I think I know this
34:44Goat
34:45I think I know this
34:45Yes
34:46I think he was asleep and he's farted
34:49He's farted with quite some force
34:52So much force he's lifted himself up and his cock's fallen off
34:55He does appear to have no genitals at all, doesn't he?
34:59Well, sometimes from a distance, Sandy, it looks like that
35:01Yeah
35:02Sometimes they're moving so fast they become a blur
35:09I don't want to know whether that's true or not at all
35:11They're both lying
35:12Oh, okay
35:15Colin, what do you reckon?
35:16He's having a fetish good upward dog
35:18Upward dog
35:19So I do have a theory
35:20So, um
35:21In the olden days they thought people used to be
35:23You know like the exorcist
35:24Because they thought the devil was in you
35:25Mm
35:25And they now think it's a kind of encephalitis?
35:29Well, it is a medical thing
35:30It is a depiction of the effects of a tetanus
35:33Oh, tetanus
35:33It is quite a famous painting, 1809
35:35Of a condition called Opisthetonus
35:38By Sir Charles Bell
35:39The interesting thing about it is
35:41When you get the fossils of dinosaurs
35:42Particularly Archaeopteryx
35:44So things with long necks
35:46They are often found in the same death pose
35:48You often see them with the head thrown back
35:50And the tail extended, the mouth wide open
35:52And nobody really knew why
35:54So there were lots and lots of theories about this
35:56And in the end they began to decide
35:59Well, actually most of them must have died of tetanus
36:01Because the pose is exactly the same
36:03So rusty nails were around in those days
36:08But then two guys, Achim Reistov
36:10And Michael Wuttke of the University of Basel
36:13In 2012
36:14They did a really practical experiment
36:15To see whether it really was tetanus
36:17Did they give birds with long necks tetanus?
36:19No, no
36:19What they did was they bought a load of chicken necks
36:22From the butcher
36:23Nobody wants those really
36:24It's fine
36:24And they dropped them in water
36:26And immediately the necks all bent backwards by 90 degrees
36:30And then three months later
36:31After they had rotted some more
36:32They had twisted further backward to 140 degrees
36:35And what they concluded is that the neck ligaments
36:37They're normally weighed down right by the chicken's head
36:40Were freed by the buoyancy of water
36:42To assume their default position
36:43Their default position is sharply upwards
36:45That's such a good experiment
36:47Isn't that correct?
36:48So clever, yeah
36:48And so simple
36:49So that is your consignment of general knowledge for this week
36:52Now it's time for the opposite
36:53General ignorance fingers on buzzers, please
36:55Ah, too easy
36:56Come on
36:56This is a telescope called Amanda
36:59She's at the South Pole
37:01So first of all
37:02What constellation must she be pointing at?
37:04Ah, I don't think I'm
37:05I don't think I'm
37:06I don't think I'm
37:06I don't think I'm
37:07I don't think I'm
37:28Southern Cross
37:31The South Pole
37:31She is pointing towards the northern sky
37:33So she's pointing towards
37:34What would we have?
37:35Ursa Major
37:37Polaris
37:37The same is true of an even bigger one
37:39The Ice Cube Cosmic Neutrino Detector
37:42So the thing about this is
37:44Although she's at the South Pole
37:45She's actually pointing down
37:48Into the ground
37:49So she is pointing towards the northern skies
37:51Why didn't I just put it
37:52The North Pole?
37:53Because she's designed to detect neutrinos
37:57These are really, really small subatomic particles
38:01They don't interact with matter
38:03So they normally pass straight through the planet
38:05Me neither, to be honest
38:09They're teeny tiny particles that travel at near light speeds
38:13They are really an important part
38:15They're one of the universe's essential ingredients
38:17I think I got one
38:18Well
38:18If you held your hand up to the sun
38:21A billion neutrinos would pass through your hand
38:24As you held it up to the sun
38:26I have a question
38:27Yes
38:27It's related to this
38:28The constellation on the right there
38:31Is that called the rat slowing down?
38:40I've gone way too quick
38:41I think he's gone out of that spin in the middle
38:43And gone whoa
38:44So these have almost no mass and no electric charge
38:47And they're incredibly difficult to detect
38:50Basically we need to know
38:50It's one of the great building blocks of the universe
38:52Why do we need to know?
38:54Because it's one of the fundamental questions in physics
38:56How are things made?
38:58It's the thing with science, Jimmy
38:59We don't know what we're looking for
39:00Yeah
39:00But we have to look
39:01Also, once we know we can time travel
39:04It's really for better episodes of Doctor Who
39:06That's why we're doing it
39:09Now, there are cat lovers
39:11And there are cat haters
39:13But whose lap will the cat sit on?
39:17Cats always go to the people who don't like them
39:19Or who are allergic
39:21Oh
39:23Yes, they do
39:24No
39:25They do
39:26Well, the only scientific study that we found
39:28In fact finds the opposite
39:30So
39:30I've only done one
39:31What are they spending their money on?
39:33You know the cat on the right there?
39:34The cat on the right that's been kissed by the lady
39:36Is...
39:36I think that cat's married
39:39Just from the expression of
39:40Oh my God
39:41Sounds like a picture
39:42How am I going to explain this?
39:45So people who believe the perverse cat theory
39:47There are various explanations
39:48Of course cats don't like being stared at
39:50Is one of the reasons that they give
39:51They perceive it as aggression
39:52So they prefer people who ignore them
39:54Cats pick up hostile body language
39:56And they act to try and placate it
39:57That's one of the things
39:58Yeah
39:58In fact there's only one small study
39:59Been done by the
40:00Anthro Zoological Institute
40:02At the University of Southampton
40:03And they were unable really
40:05To find much effect at all
40:06They had eight cat lovers
40:08Eight cat haters
40:09And the cats didn't seem to be bothered
40:10Who they're meant to
40:11Not exactly a wide study
40:13It's not a massive study
40:14Yeah
40:15Felines don't make beelines
40:17Towards people who hate cats
40:19This painting
40:20Have a quick look at this painting
40:22What is it?
40:23The Scream
40:24Yes
40:24The Scream by Edvard Munch
40:26What does it depict?
40:27Anyone
40:28Looking at London house prices
40:32It's...
40:33Now I know this
40:34Yes
40:34I think
40:36But it's someone who is hearing
40:38Screams from a hospital
40:40Or something
40:41You're nearly there
40:42So it is actually
40:43Not somebody screaming
40:44It is
40:45Somebody hearing
40:46Scream of nature
40:48Is what Edvard Munch said
40:50So it's a figure of indeterminate gender
40:52She or he
40:53They're not screaming
40:53They're hearing a scream
40:54So it's the opposite
40:55Of what we might think it is
40:56The Scream of nature
40:57In German
40:58Der Schreier der Natur
41:00So his account
41:01Of the inspiration
41:02For this painting
41:02Further bears this out
41:03I stopped and looked out
41:04Over the fjord
41:05The sun was setting
41:06And the clouds turning blood red
41:08I sensed a scream
41:09Passing through nature
41:10It seemed to me
41:11That I heard the scream
41:12I painted this picture
41:13I painted the clouds
41:14As actual blood
41:15The colour shrieked
41:16This became
41:16The Scream
41:17Sounds like a bloody great laugh
41:19Doesn't he?
41:20The Scream in Monks
41:22The Scream is heard
41:23And not seen
41:24And that's your lot
41:24For tonight
41:25Let's have a look
41:26At the scores
41:27Well
41:28With a
41:29Rather magnificent
41:30Minus 47
41:32Colin
41:32Oh
41:33Oh
41:33Oh
41:33Oh
41:33Oh
41:33Oh
41:33Oh
41:34Oh
41:34Oh
41:35Oh
41:36Oh
41:37Oh
41:37Oh
41:46Oh
41:52Oh
41:54Oh
41:54Oh
42:01That means, Colin, that you are the winner, and as you would expect, tonight's prize is
42:09the very opposite of an objectionable object, it's this extremely tasteful QI mug.
42:14There you are, congratulations.
42:20It only remains for me to thank Sarah, Jimmy, Colin and Alan.
42:24I leave you with this quote that is definitely apposite or maybe just the opposite of opposite
42:28from the economist J.K.
42:30Gulbraith.
42:30Under capitalism, man exploits man.
42:33Under communism, it's just the opposite.
42:35Thank you and goodnight.
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