- 2 days ago
First broadcast 11th November 2016.
Sandi Toksvig
Alan Davies
Jeremy Clarkson
Jason Manford
Sara Pascoe
Sandi Toksvig
Alan Davies
Jeremy Clarkson
Jason Manford
Sara Pascoe
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:05Welcome to QI, where tonight it's a lot of noble rot with knobs on.
00:11Nibbling at the upper crust are the incomparable king of comedy, Jason Manford.
00:21The quintessential queen of quips, Sarah Pascoe.
00:30The peerless prince of pleasantries, Jeremy Clarkson.
00:37And lordy lordy, it's Alan Davis.
00:46Right, please ring down for service. Jason goes...
00:55Sarah goes...
00:56Jeremy goes...
01:01And Alan goes...
01:03Ring-a-ding, ring-a-ding, ring-a-ding, ring-a-ding, ring-a-ding, ring-a-ding, ring-a
01:07-ding, ring-a-ding, ring-a-ding.
01:09Let's start off by hobnobbing with a top knob.
01:13Name a nobleman who invented a hot drink you might enjoy with a hobnob.
01:18Coffee and then.
01:22That's a drink and a snack, I think it'll be.
01:25Aaron Horlicks.
01:27Hobnobs, of course, are an imposter and no nobleman would have had a hobnob.
01:32No, that is true.
01:32They have the air of a classic.
01:34They do. And yet it's a PR invention.
01:36They're a kind of 70s hallucination.
01:38Okay, so this hot drink is also a kind of PR invention.
01:43Which we call by the name of a lord, but it isn't really.
01:45Earl Grey.
01:46Earl Grey.
01:47It is Earl Grey.
01:47It is a black tea which has been flavoured with bergamot oil and it is named after Earl Grey.
01:52Almost certainly nothing to do with it, even though I think it continues to say so on the packaging.
01:57What about Lady Grey?
01:58I like Lady Grey.
01:59That's lovely that one.
01:59Well, you and me both, but erm...
02:02It's not a euphemism, it's an actual tea.
02:04Oh, I see, it's all right, yes.
02:07I'm not into Earl Grey.
02:08Why is that?
02:09It's like someone's melted some potpourri.
02:13The fact it smells exactly like it tastes is weird.
02:18You do know you're drunk at a party if you're eating the potpourri, don't you?
02:22Potpourri?
02:23He started this with...
02:24Potpourri?
02:24Potpourri, so it's said, isn't it?
02:25Oh, why?
02:26There's another pronunciation of it.
02:27I'm going to say potpourri.
02:28Oh, I see.
02:29Potpourri.
02:29I don't know, we don't have it in our house.
02:32Have you eaten it?
02:33We just have a magic tree.
02:34Not a car.
02:37It's all over your shirt.
02:38It's all over your shirt.
02:41But do you know why it's been named after Earl Grey?
02:44I have no idea.
02:45No, and indeed that is correct.
02:46He insisted.
02:47No, he was probably dead 40 years when somebody first came up with it.
02:50Oh, like Jesus.
03:00If I said that, I have been in so much, he probably will be.
03:05Anybody know what Earl Grey is famous for?
03:07When was he alive?
03:09Well, I can tell you when he was in government, which is from 1830 to 1834.
03:13Was it a law?
03:14Was it a movement?
03:15It is a law.
03:16It is a law.
03:181832 there was an important law.
03:20What was that one?
03:21Yes.
03:21What was that one, Jeremy?
03:221832.
03:23Corn laws.
03:24It's the Great Reform Act.
03:26That's it.
03:27It's the Great Reform Act.
03:28Yes?
03:29The Great Reform Act.
03:36Yes, so the reforming government extended the right to vote and got rid of the rotten
03:41boroughs when there were maybe only nine voters returning a member of parliament.
03:45So it helped to re-establish the authority of parliament.
03:47But it was also that he led the most nepotistic government in British history, okay?
03:55It was described as the most aristocratic administration that has ever been formed.
04:01All but one of his 13 cabinet members were either peers or heirs to a peerage.
04:06And in the lower ranks, large numbers of his own family.
04:09Did they call it Fifty Shades of Grey?
04:11They should have done it.
04:13It would have been ahead of the game.
04:14And pretty sexy.
04:16I don't know.
04:19But tea, of course, is the Great British cure-all.
04:21And there are some historians who consider that tea ought to take credit for the fact that the
04:25Industrial Revolution happened first in Britain.
04:27Why might that be?
04:28Caffeine.
04:28For keeping you awake.
04:30Yeah.
04:31No, it's not that.
04:32What was the question?
04:35No, it was.
04:36I'm a bit deaf.
04:36So glad you joined us.
04:38You're lockingly afflicted.
04:40Not at all.
04:40That's my job.
04:41Some historians take a view...
04:45It's last Tuesday.
04:48There are historians who take a view that tea is responsible for the Industrial Revolution.
04:52Why might it be?
04:53Why might tea be?
04:54The determination to get tea here quickly?
04:56No.
04:57So industrialisation, what happens is you get a concentration of the population in cities,
05:01and that usually leads to epidemics.
05:03However, in Britain, the health got better rather than worse in cities.
05:07Oh, because they were boiling the water.
05:07Because they were boiling the water to drink tea.
05:10Exactly right.
05:10So other foods associated, I don't know, more or less plausibly with eponymous nobles?
05:16Baron Kit Kat.
05:17Baron Kit Kat.
05:18Sounds like one without chocolate on it, doesn't it?
05:25Beef Wellington.
05:26Beef Wellington.
05:28Good one.
05:29Which I find too rich.
05:30Do you like Beef Wellington?
05:30I like it, me.
05:31Do you?
05:32Yeah.
05:32Yeah.
05:32We didn't get it much at school.
05:33Did you not?
05:34But I've grown into the taste, yeah.
05:37Battenberg cake, which was created especially for the marriage of Prince Louis of Battenberg in 1884.
05:44Oh, yeah.
05:44Are we looking for title people who give their names to food?
05:47Uh, well, yes.
05:48That would be ideal.
05:50Wellington.
05:52I will catch up with you in about five minutes.
05:57It's a new thing.
05:59Honestly, if you tried being deaf, it's bloody difficult.
06:03You can't, I don't know why.
06:04It is.
06:06It's all just like I'm underwater.
06:09I'm going to lean forwards like that and I can stay in tune.
06:12If you say so.
06:13Anyway, moving on.
06:15One way to get a good job is to be a nobleman's nephew.
06:18But how can you improve your job prospects by getting nicked?
06:23Is this Duke of Marlborough type stuff?
06:25No, not particularly.
06:27We have to think about other words for...
06:29Oh, so if you're trying to get a job and it would be good if you got nicked,
06:32maybe the job is like testing how sharp paper is.
06:35Okay.
06:35And are people going to get paper cuts?
06:37That would be...
06:38That would be a great job.
06:39I like that.
06:39Yeah, you just work with paper all day, like those ones are too sharp.
06:42Yeah.
06:43That one's lovely.
06:44Yeah.
06:45What about when you lick an envelope and cut your lips?
06:47Oh, yeah.
06:48That would be like for the boss person to do that when the tongue is involved.
06:51Yeah, like half your face falls off.
06:53Okay, weirdly.
06:54That's how the Joker got like that.
06:55Weirdly.
06:56Like an envelope.
06:57Accident.
06:58You are in the right area.
07:00Excellent.
07:01Of cutting your face.
07:03Shaving.
07:03Oh, shaving.
07:05Shavers.
07:06No.
07:06Razors.
07:07Barber.
07:07No, it's nothing to do with shaving.
07:09It is until the Second World War, the tradition of duelling with swords was absolutely woven into the fabric of
07:17life at a higher echelons of society.
07:18We are talking about the German speaking world actually to be specific.
07:22And the professional classes, they wore the resulting scars on their cheeks as badges of honour.
07:26And even today, there's about 160 student duelling clubs.
07:32We can have a look at them fighting here.
07:33So, one of the things is you mustn't move.
07:35You're not allowed to move your feet at all.
07:37You have to keep your left hand behind a cup.
07:39Are they beekeepers or...?
07:42But they're a bit like Freemasons.
07:43And so the old boys of these duelling clubs, they absolutely dominate lots and lots of the jobs in big
07:49business.
07:49And you can see it's very ritualised and they have these extraordinary get-togethers.
07:53They sing patriotic songs and they have such prodigious beer drinking contests that they have special puking basins.
08:01Is this before the fight?
08:03I'm very much hoping it's afterwards.
08:05That would be great.
08:06Drunk duelling.
08:07I'd like to see that.
08:08I think you did that on about Series 16 of Top Gear, didn't you?
08:14And the scars, they're known as schmisse.
08:17Or renommie schmisse.
08:19And they're known as bragging scars.
08:21Oh, I was really drunk.
08:24There were terrible injuries.
08:251566, the Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe lost his nose to a fellow student.
08:31Sorry, he was an astronomer.
08:32He was the famous Danish astronomer.
08:33So I'm trying on each show, Jason, to put in a random Scandinavian fact.
08:37I like that. That's good.
08:38Which I call my Randy Scandi.
08:39And he lost his nose and he had to wear a brass prosthetic for the rest of the time.
08:45Brass?
08:46Brass, yeah.
08:46He'd look a bit ridiculous going through airport metal detectors.
08:50Yeah, that's right.
08:51They couldn't get a better nose replacement than brass, but there were aeroplanes.
08:54Yeah.
08:56He can't hear.
08:58This is the best moment in the world.
08:59We can say anything we want about Jeremy and he can't hear us.
09:11But Jeremy.
09:12Yes.
09:14Well, I want to go back to his nose.
09:16Yes.
09:16Why did they fit a brass one?
09:18It's a talking point, isn't it?
09:19They had chewing gum in those.
09:20And how did they fit it?
09:21It was an adhesive, but he is said to have had a green line on his face where the adhesive
09:26and it's possible
09:27He also had a special gold or silver one for parties. He's an interesting guy because he was really concerned
09:31About the look of things and it is possible that he died from extremely good manners
09:37So 1601 he was at a banquet and it wasn't the thing when you were at a banquet to excuse
09:42yourself to go and
09:43We and he may or may not have died of a burst bladder
09:47It is all maybe he was doing coke
09:51It would probably be really tricky with a brass nose. Yeah, I think I'd have denim
10:00Or gingham for parties
10:03Kitchen curtains. Oh
10:08You'd have a miniature sword
10:16Look madam look at my Olympia
10:25Sorry
10:26They've lost their nose as well and they had a little shield
10:28And that's how you'd know they were made for each other
10:31Literally been made for each other
10:34Dueling scars were so valued that people sometimes inflicted them on themselves
10:38Or they would stuff horse hair into the wound or they would pour red wine onto it
10:42They wanted it to be as prominent as possible and having a manly scar was once thought to make one
10:48good marriage material
10:49So would you be more or less likely to go out with somebody Sarah who had a scar
10:53Particularly, you know on the face
10:55I'm not scarist
10:56No, I mean
10:57I would like to say I'm not that shadow at all
10:59And I go for like personality
11:01Yeah, but
11:02Love a man of a scar
11:05Well, there's been recent research on this which is really interesting which suggests that women do indeed favor men with
11:11scars
11:12But for short-term relationships
11:14Oh, yeah women tend to change their tastes when they're ovulating
11:16So you know about these studies
11:17So and they think it comes from our multi-partnering history where essentially we pair up with guys who would
11:23make if we're straight good fathers
11:25But when we're ovulating we fancy something a bit bigger and rougher
11:30The one with the scar?
11:31Yeah
11:31Oh
11:32Well, it depends how we got the scar really
11:34Yeah
11:34My scar is from a clutch pedal going through my leg on a lorry
11:38No, that's not interesting
11:39But I'll have to
11:40It's time to
11:41It's time to
11:43It's time to
11:43This is why we've sent you too far apart
11:47If we're going around saying no no this scar was from saving a school bus full of children and a
11:52tiger cane
11:52That would be quite good
11:53That's a good scar
11:54But I mean well I had an accident in a lorry and the clutch pedal went through my legs dreary
11:58Don't you think?
11:59Well you say that but I'm actually ovulating at the moment
12:00And that's kind of
12:03LAUGHTER
12:05APPLAUSE
12:09Anyone think women did duelling or just a boy's thing?
12:12Oh, have you been to the big market in Newcastle on a Saturday night?
12:16LAUGHTER
12:17I hope that women did do duelling as well
12:19Yeah, they did
12:19It was called Petticoat Duels
12:21And possibly the most famous
12:23between
12:26LAUGHTER
12:28LAUGHTER
12:31Had a snatch and grab
12:34LAUGHTER
12:36I never thought of hiding a pistol there
12:39So the most famous one in 1892 in Austria
12:42It was a topless duel
12:44Oh, that's brilliant
12:46Channel 5
12:47Where are you?
12:49LAUGHTER
12:50Between Princess Metternich and Countess Kielmenzig
12:53And what I love about it
12:54It's said to have been caused by a disagreement over a flower arrangement
12:58LAUGHTER
12:59The excuse that sounds like
13:01Yeah, well I don't like the flower so get your top off
13:05LAUGHTER
13:07I'll duel you
13:10Apparently both the women were worried that if they were wounded
13:13and some fabric got into the wound it would get infected
13:15It's the very first emancipated duel in that
13:19every single person who took part, all the seconds, the two duellers
13:22and indeed the medic were all women
13:24Ah
13:24It's hard to say who won
13:25The Princess, she was injured first on the nose
13:28so the Countess got first blood as it were
13:30but she was then injured on the arm which is a better wound
13:32So if there's points for the, where you cut the person then, that's what the face wants
13:36Who does better?
13:37OK
13:37As long as you come out with both your nipples, I'm sure you'll be all right
13:41LAUGHTER
13:41Oh, I can't
13:43LAUGHTER
13:45LAUGHTER
13:48It's milk everywhere
13:51LAUGHTER
13:52Boobs aren't full of milk
13:54LAUGHTER
13:55That's not why we have, like, that's not...
13:57Do you suppose that there's milk all the time?
13:59LAUGHTER
14:00So we've got a baby in the house, there's milk
14:01LAUGHTER
14:05Boobs are sometimes full of milk
14:07OK
14:08Possibly not those four
14:09Perhaps they were at the time of the duel
14:11Pfft, pfft
14:13LAUGHTER
14:14LAUGHTER
14:16Stop it!
14:18LAUGHTER
14:19Stop it!
14:20LAUGHTER
14:21You are perforated!
14:24LAUGHTER
14:26LAUGHTER
14:27I often wonder how we get to where we do
14:30The rule for German businessmen is you scratch my cheek and I'll scratch yours
14:35How can you tell a knob from a yob?
14:39So we were talking about potpourri and potpourri
14:41How would you know your upper class from your not-so-upper class?
14:45Would they say he's a yob?
14:47LAUGHTER
14:48There's a noob and a you?
14:50It is absolutely to do with what you say
14:52So in 1954 there was a linguistics professor at Astin University in Birmingham called Alan Ross
14:57And he devised the terms you and non-you to distinguish speech patterns of the English upper classes
15:04And what we unfortunately call the lower social strata
15:06For the following year Nancy Mitford the extraordinary one of the Mitford sisters
15:10There she is on the right there with her sisters Unity and Diana
15:14She picked this up in an essay and she said that nowadays you couldn't tell the upper classes
15:18Because they were no longer cleaner richer or better educated than anybody else
15:21It was principally by language and this caused tremendous anxiety in the middle classes
15:26So the question is would you use loo paper or toilet paper?
15:29Bog roll
15:33Well do you know that it really is an interesting question
15:35I was away last week and he was in Namibia and I went up to the man because we were
15:39camping
15:39I said you've got any bog roll and he went what like it obviously doesn't work in Namibia
15:44And I was actually flummoxed thinking now what do I say?
15:48What did you do mime?
15:49Yes I did
15:51Rather than say loo roll which is just annoying
15:58And women used to that's the whole thing with powder rooms wasn't it
16:00So that women never had to say like where's the bathroom or where's the toilet
16:02Well the best I ever heard for that was I had a girlfriend years and years ago
16:05I went to see a very very posh friend of mine
16:07And his mother when she got there his girlfriend of mine said would you like to look in a mirror?
16:13Which means would you like to go and have a piss but
16:16How mean do you want a line of coke?
16:18No
16:22Depends what party you're at
16:24Here's an interesting fact about wiping your bum
16:26Yes
16:28So half
16:29I've worked this out on the last tour of mine right
16:31But half the population right when they're wiping the bottom right
16:33They uh they stand up and hand goes back and they wipe right
16:38And the other half they stay sat down and reach in and have a wipe
16:42And the weirdest thing is one half until I just said it now didn't even know the other half existed
16:49How did you get inspired to start this survey?
16:51Yeah
16:51How did you know about the other people?
16:54I think I just walked in on someone
16:56And I was like what are you doing?
16:59This is how you wipe your bum
17:00I went it isn't watch this
17:04So this is a survey based on two people
17:07And then I started mentioning it on tour
17:10I started mentioning it
17:10And I noticed that
17:12We'll do it now
17:12Okay
17:13Right
17:13Come on then
17:15If you if you stand up after you've finished and wipe your bottom
17:19Yeah
17:19Give me a cheer
17:22If you stay sat down and reach in and wipe your bottom give us a cheer
17:2750 50
17:28It's weird
17:36I thought the ones who sit down were slightly camper noise
17:41When you go to a festival or any outdoor event
17:44What is it that causes somebody to sit down on the lavatory and then completely mess up all the rest
17:51of it
17:52You know what I'll do with that
17:53I'll throw that on the floor
17:54Then I'll completely unravel all the rest of the blog
17:57And then somehow I'll get all that blue stuff all over the sea
18:01Do you think
18:02Do you do that at home?
18:03I mean
18:03How do you?
18:04I'm doing it
18:05LSD
18:05They're on LSD
18:11I'm going to go blue
18:23I'm more suspicious
18:24I think they might have known that you were behind them in the queue
18:30Every single one you ever go
18:32They can't all imagine I'm in there
18:33Although somebody did once push one of those things over when I was in it
18:37Yes
18:38They did know it was me
18:39Did they?
18:40At least you can stand up
18:41So for women it's really difficult because you sort of have to hover
18:44Don't you
18:44And I remember one time I went to the ladies and the lock didn't quite work
18:47This is a very tricky moment for a woman because you have to sort of hover
18:53And I'm so obsessed with not making a mess on the seat
18:55I thought oh sorry I'll just sit down
18:56And as I sat down the door burst open and a woman came straight in
19:00And she went oh I'm so sorry
19:02And then she shut the door again
19:03And then she bursted open again
19:04And she went you're Sally Toxvy can I?
19:12Give us a minute
19:15Let's find out which side of the tracks you were born on
19:18Let's play Posh or Bex
19:23Are you going to be Posh or are you going to be Bex?
19:26Okay question you get a bit squiffy at a do
19:29What's the one thing you shouldn't do?
19:31Don't mention your allegiance to the Nazis
19:34It depends which sister you're out with
19:38Is it anything to do with being ill?
19:43No it's to do with being argumentative
19:46So don't have an argument
19:47What Nancy said was when drunk gentlemen often become amorous
19:50Or maudlin or vomit in public
19:52But they never become truculent
19:55So when you're drunk next time think I'm not doing truculent
19:58Truculent
19:58Truculent not happening
20:01So tell me what you can see here
20:03And make sure you watch your P's and Q's
20:05So let's start on the left
20:06What do you see?
20:08Tutu
20:08It's not to do with the clothing it's to do with the
20:10Ballerina
20:10There are boys and there are
20:12Girls
20:13So if you are posh you pronounce girl to rhyme with hell
20:17Gale
20:18Gale
20:18Gale
20:19Or hell
20:19Gale
20:20Not to rhyme with curl
20:21Not the girl
20:21That's a Bridgestone tire that's probably not relevant though is it?
20:25It's a different point
20:29Nothing wrong with your eyes Jeremy
20:33So what's the next one next to the gal
20:35What's the next one?
20:36That would be a golf ball
20:37It's a goth ball though
20:38It's a goth ball
20:38I don't want to be technical as well
20:40But golf balls aren't usually that big
20:43No it's really more for the purposes of illustration
20:45It depends where you're stood
20:47Yeah
20:48You're stood down the fairway
20:49It probably does look like a big
20:52It's it is without the L if you are posh
20:54It's goth
20:54Goff ball
20:55Goff ball
20:56Yeah
20:56Well they're saying it wrong
20:58I mean that's not posh and common
20:59That's right and wrong
21:01Yeah
21:03I heard somebody the other day refer to the Alps as the Alps
21:07What's this person I've ever met?
21:09What about the next one?
21:10What about the Bridgestone?
21:11What about uh
21:11A tar
21:12A tar
21:12A tar
21:14A tar
21:14A tar
21:15Tar
21:15And the next one?
21:16A tar
21:16A tar
21:17Lar
21:18Lar
21:18Lar
21:19So you basically have to say these things
21:20As if you have goth ball in your mouth
21:23Yes
21:23Yeah
21:24Anyway
21:25What's so darn shocking about this map?
21:28Is darn important
21:30Dan's very important
21:31Yes
21:31So is there to do with knitting?
21:32Knitting
21:32No
21:33Not a kind of darn where in the United States
21:35What uh
21:35It might darn be for
21:36Darn
21:37Darn
21:38Darn
21:38People who say darn
21:39Yes people who say darn
21:40It's a euphemism for damn
21:42From 1781
21:44And uh
21:45This is it's
21:45It's jizz school
21:47Okay
21:51It's statistics people
21:53Okay
21:55There was an analysis
21:56Done of nine billion words
21:58Nine billion
21:59In American
22:00In American
22:29Ejaculation
22:29It's at the very least
22:30Is that Kansas
22:31Right in the middle?
22:32Yes
22:33Oklahoma's the bum
22:33With the sticky outside bit
22:35Yes you've totally got the hang of America
22:37I know some of these
22:39Utah
22:39I'm quite good at this
22:41But we don't know where you're pointing
22:43Pointy round
22:43Pointy round
22:43Pointy round
22:44New York
22:45California
22:46Florida
22:47We've got more
22:48We've got more
22:49We've got more
23:05We've got more
23:11Goss
23:11There's another American swear word
23:13Golly
23:14It's
23:15You're close
23:16It's gosh
23:16Gosh
23:17It's gosh
23:17Gosh
23:18So heavily used around Texas
23:20You can see where the red is
23:22And hardly at all up in New England
23:23They don't use gosh
23:24Very much
23:25I like these ones
23:26Is this words that people use when they jizz
23:28Is that what it is?
23:31Gosh
23:31Gosh darn it
23:37I'm sorry
23:38I tore that man
23:40This show's changing isn't it?
23:43I'm just trying to wrestle it back
23:45So have a look at this one
23:47Very heavily used in New England
23:48Hardly used in the southeast at all
23:50God damn
23:51It's asshole
23:52Asshole
23:53Yeah
23:53Oh
23:54That
23:54And who thought there was a
23:55Why do they not use it though?
23:56They don't say
23:57Asshole in Arkansas
23:58Georgia
23:59Or the Carolinas
24:00Yeah
24:01Not used in Florida
24:01It's not used in Montana
24:03Because there's nobody there
24:04That's true
24:06It's not often you see a map of the jizz score for asshole
24:08Is it?
24:09It's not often
24:10Right now Steven's gone
24:11No
24:16So here's the question is
24:18Do you think that people who swear a lot are more articulate or less articulate?
24:24More
24:24Why?
24:25Because they've got more words
24:26That's exactly right
24:27That's exactly right
24:28Like wank and bloody and things like that
24:31People who don't swear haven't got those words
24:33You were doing so well and now you're going to hardly appear in the program at all
24:40They're just going to be you going what?
24:44Since I started wearing cardigans my ears have gone wrong
24:47Is that what it is?
24:48I think you're putting them on wrong
24:52No there's a swearing fluency test and if you do the test and you ask people to write down
24:56How many swear words they can think of in two minutes
24:59The people who will succeed best are the people who are the most articulate
25:02Although it depends on what language you speak
25:04So Japanese very very few swear words
25:06Dutch bar G's
25:08They can swear uninterrupted most of them for two minutes without repetition or hesitation
25:12Can they really?
25:13Yeah Dutch is really good
25:14They've got uh what's that word?
25:16Schwaffling
25:17What does it mean?
25:18Well you certainly couldn't say it on Dutch television
25:21It means to bang your penis against the Taj Mahal
25:37Jeremy when I finish this show if I get in trouble for googling that I'm coming after you
25:44How many swear words roughly do you think we have in English?
25:46Oh
25:46Two hundred
25:47Forty-eight
25:48I'd say a hundred and seven
25:50Yeah, but you invented about half of them
25:53All from the Dutch
25:54Alan's the closest
25:55It's actually only about twenty
25:56It is actually not as many as you think
25:58The people who had the most swear words were the Romans
26:01They had about eight hundred
26:03So if you compare that to our twenty
26:05We do that
26:06We use swear words sort of between point three and point seven percent of the time
26:09Actually, it's not all that common
26:10I think Jeremy's listing swear words
26:12Are you?
26:13I'm way past twenty
26:14Are you Jeremy?
26:15Press the red button now to see what they are now
26:23Can you make sure that for the next recording
26:26Yeah
26:26This book's thrown away
26:29It's just that anyone who opens it up is going to be a bit surprised by what I've written down
26:33now
26:34You could just sign it Jeremy and then nobody be the least bit surprised
26:39Oh
26:42Anyway, moving on
26:43What can't you have knobs on in Canada?
26:47Furniture
26:47Sort of
26:48It's against the law in some places
26:51Oh
26:51Isn't everything against the law in Canada really?
26:54They're very polite Canadians
26:56They're like America with manners
26:57Incredibly nice
26:58Vancouver always wins the best place in the world to live because nothing ever happens there
27:02Okay, so it is Vancouver that we need to be in
27:04Oh
27:05And it was a law passed in 2014
27:07Oh
27:09Doorknobs
27:09Yes, you cannot have doorknobs at all in Vancouver
27:12Are they trapped inside?
27:14They all, they can't get out
27:15They can't get out
27:15No
27:16No
27:17Not portless through
27:17Has anyone heard from anyone from Vancouver in the last year?
27:20Yeah
27:21You think you've got this bus to live in the world and won't let you out again
27:24No new buildings domestic or commercial is allowed to have doorknobs on them
27:27They can only have levers why might that be?
27:29Oh is it when he gets caught in your pocket as you wander past?
27:32It's really annoying
27:33No, it's to do with the elderly and the infirm
27:36They can't turn the knob off
27:37Frisic hands
27:38Yes
27:39So the idea is to make all buildings work for everybody so that you don't have doorknobs anymore
27:43Anyway, a year before the ban was introduced there was a pro knob lobby
27:49We're up in arms about the incursions of the nanny state
27:53And the president of the antique doorknob collectors of America
27:58Alan Jocelyn said to say that when I build my private home and nobody is disabled that I have to
28:03put levers on
28:03Strikes me as overreach
28:05And they do have one rather telling objection because the advantage of door levers is not restricted to the old
28:11and the infirm
28:11So operating a doorknob requires
28:14Pronation and supination of the wrist
28:16Yeah, a dog can get in
28:17That's the point
28:18I mean to be fair that that dog deserves to be able to open a door
28:21Yeah
28:21That's true
28:22That's the skills he's got
28:23But they prefer levers to knobs because you haven't got an opposable thumb
28:26You can't possibly work it
28:27However, there is a county in Colorado
28:30Pitkin County which has gone the opposite way to Vancouver
28:33It's banned all levers and you can only have doorknobs
28:36Why might that be?
28:37Bears
28:37Absolutely right it is bears
28:39Oh look at them we can't get in
28:41What are we gonna do?
28:43I'll pick you up you go through the window
28:48If you want to keep bears and old people out of your house hang on to your doorknobs
28:53And now to one of nature's aristocrats
28:55Alan would you say you were nice and natural?
28:58Yes
29:03You're doing yourself down that's the trouble
29:06Oh i'm not nice or not look at that idiot
29:10So the word nice has completely reversed its meaning
29:12It used to be an insult
29:13It's a nasty thing you'd say to somebody
29:15Yeah it's right from the latin for ignorant
29:17And it originally meant foolish or silly and up until 17th century to call somebody nice was always critical and
29:23negative
29:24As well it could also mean wanton and then 17th and 18th century you begin to get the modern sense
29:28of the of the word as being a nice
29:31We started to appreciate wanton people a bit more
29:33Exactly
29:33She's nice
29:36Yes she is
29:37And an earlier meaning of a natural was a born fool or idiot
29:41That's our family at christmas
29:48So it used to be a natural idiot or a natural fool that used to be the thing
29:51Now a natural is usually a person who's naturally talented you say he's a natural at doing something
29:56Do you remember the term the necessary?
29:59Lavatorial
30:00Yes so a necessary woman was a lavatory attendant somebody who worked in the loo
30:04But there seems to be a tendency for words meaning fool to start with an n
30:09Now have a look at this list of words and see if you can spot whether any of them don't
30:13mean fool
30:16Great
30:16Which one do you say not?
30:20Well, noddy
30:21No, there's only one that doesn't mean fool
30:23What did you say?
30:25Ning-nang
30:25Ning-nang
30:26It was a useless racehorse
30:28Oh gosh darn
30:29Ning-nang
30:31In the old days nice and natural meant stupid twice over what should have won a nobel prize but didn't
30:39Rosalind franklin
30:40Ah, well people do say that because of dna but in fact the absolute case of it is that they
30:46never awarded them posthumously
30:48And she had already passed away
30:50But it's somebody unbelievably famous
30:53scientific discovery
30:55Einstein
30:55General relativity
30:56It is absolutely Einstein
30:57And it's the theory of
30:59Relativity
31:00The theory of relativity
31:01What are you doing?
31:03What are you doing?
31:03What are you doing?
31:04What are you doing?
31:04I apologise
31:05Deafness is a cruel mystery
31:10He did win the physics prize but it was for his work on the photoelectric effect
31:14He just didn't get the one
31:15He won the prize for rubbing balloons on your head and sticking in for this
31:20So, Einstein was nominated every year for a decade for his work on relativity
31:24Oh, wow
31:24It's like the Leonardo DiCaprio of his day
31:27Yeah
31:28And he really needed to win because he had promised the prize money as part of the divorce settlement to
31:33his wife
31:34That's a brilliant one to tell the lawyers
31:36Yeah
31:36I'm going to win the Nobel Prize
31:38That'll be all right
31:39Yeah
31:39You're going to have absolutely fine
31:40But because there was no experimental confirmation of his theory
31:44And also because there's possibly there was an anti-semitic faction
31:47They just excluded him every single year
31:49Then in 1919 a man called Arthur Eddington measured the deflection of light during a solar eclipse
31:55And he proved what Einstein had been saying four years earlier
31:58And even so they cast Eddington's measurements into doubt
32:02And then they gave him the physics prize for something completely different
32:05They just didn't want to give it to him for theory of relativity
32:07Anyway, what's great is that when news of Eddington's experiment broke
32:12The New York Times sent their only reporter in London to meet him
32:17And it was a man called Henry Crouch
32:19And he was their golf correspondent
32:22And he hadn't the faintest idea
32:25What Eddington was talking about
32:27So he filed the most classic bit of, you know, hope for the best
32:30Journalese
32:31He wrote
32:32Lights all askew in the heavens
32:34Men of science more or less agog over results of eclipse observations
32:38Einstein theory triumphs
32:40Stars not where they seemed or were calculated to be
32:43But nobody need worry
32:48That was very good
32:49That was very lively journalism for the period
32:52That was great, wasn't it?
32:53From a golf correspondent
32:54It is very good journalism
32:56The theory of relativity never got a Nobel Prize
32:59Because it was only a theory
33:01What did the royal families of Europe wear under their uniforms during the 19th century?
33:07Potpourri
33:08They were naked
33:10Er, no
33:11They weren't naked
33:11Nothing, nothing
33:14They had rather fine underwear
33:15Whale bones
33:17What was the question?
33:18I've forgotten this one as well
33:19What?
33:20What did royal families of Europe wear under their uniforms during the 19th century?
33:25Silk undies
33:26It's closer to the skin even than your underwear
33:29Lice
33:34Just had loads of lice moving around
33:37That's even a thought in your head is a worry
33:40No
33:41Decorative?
33:42Tattoos
33:43Tattoos is exactly right
33:45There was a craze for tattoos
33:46According to the hamsworth monthly pictorial magazine
33:50The grand duke alexis of russia
33:53Was most elaborately tattooed and there were lots of them
33:56Prince and princesses valdemar of denmark queen olga of greece king oscar of sweden
34:00Er the grand duke constantine and in fact also in the uk king edward the seventh
34:05And his son george the fifth edward the seventh had five crosses which he had done on a visit to
34:10jerusalem when he was the prince of wales
34:12When he was 20 and then george
34:14His son had the same design done by the same artist 20 years later
34:17And my favorite story features a random scandinavian a randy scandy of sorts
34:22uh napoleon's marshal jean baptiste jules bernadotte
34:26He was a revolutionary firebrand and he rose to become king of sweden and norway
34:32And it turned against napoleon and he reigned for 26 years after bonaparte's deposition and while he was king
34:39He never allowed doctors to see his naked torso
34:42And there is a reason that became apparent after death when he was found to have a tattoo
34:46From his revolutionary days that said death to kings
34:52And his heirs are the royal family of sweden to this day wow
34:55Ah i mean a lot of people do regret tattoos don't they have you got any tattoos i haven't no
35:00I've never really liked my body so much that i thought oh i'll decorate that
35:07But i did see a guy in our local pub once that had a tattoo here
35:10That said it was like sarah and then it was crossed out and then underneath it said chloe
35:16Oh i remember him
35:22Chloe can have him
35:25Some people are very passionate vegans and they get a tattoo about their veganism and um tattoos are made
35:33from burned animal bones so themselves not vegan
35:38So you can go in and say like a vegan tattoo please yeah i'll go to like a special one
35:42Please tell me there aren't vegan tattoo places there are really yes that's very funny
35:49There's 1200 words in the sunday times next week right there
35:59All life is material generally basically basically anyway lots of kings have had tattoos but we can't show
36:06You any for regal reasons
36:10All right that's enough thank you
36:13And now let's look at a noble gas what gas is being used to light up this sign
36:18it's neon sandy
36:26What were you going to say what were you going to say oh i was actually going to say oxygen
36:33I thought i was going to get through my first ever qi with that one of those things
36:38Sorry about that no anybody else i was going to say argon it is argon you're absolutely right
36:43Yes
36:47So it depends on what color you want that's the thing not all neon signs contain neon neon of course
36:52one of the noble gases
36:53So called because they don't react with our elements so they they rather build themselves
36:58Aloof from other compounds they do not become truculent no matter how much
37:04And some of the noble gases are used in lighting so if you wanted to use neon that would give
37:09a very distinctive red light
37:10But there are other colors produced by other elements you could just color the glass of the tube that would
37:15be the other way
37:16I suppose you could manage to do this
37:18Now we descend from the airy mansions of the nobility to the bleak basement that is general ignorance fingers on
37:24buzzers
37:24Please what was this person's first name
37:28Victoria it is queen victoria
37:35But it isn't her first name oh she was born on the 24th of may
37:39Brian
37:39And christened brian
37:46Something gertrude or something german it's alexandrina
37:50She was named both after her godfather alexander the first of russia and of her mother as well when she
37:55was a child
37:55She was known as drena you're writing that down as well
37:57Yes
37:58He's got swear words and you're writing down bits of history which i like very much
38:01And when she became queen so 1837 the official documents she is originally alexandrina victoria
38:06And then she decided that she wanted her first name removed and never to be used again
38:10But i think it was part of her wanting to be her own person because her very first royal act
38:15when she was 18
38:16And she became queen was to have her bed moved out of her mother's bedroom and to have her own
38:20bedroom
38:20That is quite old to still be sleeping in your mom's room it's it's
38:24I'm in charge now
38:27It's weird when you get to know the nicknames that people have for each other so in 2000 nancy reagan
38:31published a collection of letters between
38:32Herself and ronnie who's her husband for 52 years and the pet names are just excruciating uh little mommy
38:38You're in love gov first papa prexie and my favorite mommy poo pants oh that was one of the later
38:46ones yeah
38:50I've got a little bit of sick in my mouth
38:54The victorians were nearly the drinians under the emperor diocletian the roman empire had four capitals please name two of
39:03them
39:04constantinople
39:05ah no
39:08anymore anymore
39:10not constantinople
39:11Rome
39:11what had four capitals
39:13the roman empire
39:14london
39:15and not rome
39:17not london
39:19right
39:19keep going
39:20i don't think i'm gonna guess
39:21venice
39:21tripoli
39:21florence
39:23germania
39:24when he came to power so 284 a.d the roman empire was threatened to collapse and he did this
39:29brilliant thing
39:29he decided to do a tetrarchy and that is to be ruled by four emperors and so he had four
39:37capitals
39:38they were nicomedia which is in modern-day turkey
39:41sermium in modern-day serbia medialanum which is modern-day milan and augusta trevororium
39:48modern-day tria and actually it worked so well that diocletian was the very first emperor to be able to
39:54retire and he retired to the dalmatian coast so that's modern-day croatia and he grew vegetables
39:59so there's a real moral about outsourcing
40:02yes you don't get too stressed give other people your job
40:05franchise
40:05yeah exactly yeah
40:07just delegate man
40:07yeah
40:07chill out
40:08now which is the bbc's most popular television export
40:18doctor who
40:23doctor who is the most popular drama so the bbc's most popular export yes the bbc's most popular
40:29television export i can tell you it's more than any other series in the last 40 years it's not
40:38amazing okay yes that gentle comedy of social snobbery how do you know that i just remember
40:45reading it very popular in scandinavia yeah and eastern europe in fact denmark have just placed
40:51another order for the show that's subtitle they also have dubbed so they make it because no one dies
41:00very different to the game of thrones in that regard it really is
41:04attenborough is very popular with monkeys because of his wooden cock
41:15i do my best to steer this show even then even then you couldn't hear very well look here you
41:22go what
41:24people's hair has been blown out of my ears it also looks like billy piper's looking at it
41:29yeah doctor what is it it's attenborough's wooden car
41:36all of which brings us to the scores well a fantastic and outright winner in first place with
41:44eight points it's jason
41:51with minus five it's jeremy
41:59in third place minus 21 sarah
42:05and with a commendable minus 64
42:09alan
42:19it only remains for me to thank sarah jason jeremy and alan and finally in case you're
42:25feeling envious of the nobility spare a thought for lord ivy the head of the guinness family in the 1980s
42:31was injured in a traffic accident in dublin and taken to hospital under the irish system people earning
42:37more than 11 000 pounds a year had to pay for their treatment so when he arrived they asked him
42:41do you earn 11 000 pounds to which he replied some days i do some days i don't
42:47do you earn a bit
42:48do you earn a bit
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