From Broken to Whole Arthur Jernigan's Transformation Story

Yaya Diamond TV

Amazon link: https://a.co/d/03PwbpTW “Even broken men can be rebuilt.” Reclaiming My Peace is a powerful, unflinchingly honest memoir about a Black man who refuses to stay silent, even when silence is what nearly destroyed him. Raised to be steady, dependable, and unshakeable, Arthur O. Jernigan spent years carrying emotional weight in a marriage that looked whole from the outside but felt suffocating on the inside—until the breaking point forced him to confront who he had become, and who he was called to be.  Moving from unraveling to awakening to reclamation, Arthur shares the end of his marriage, the loneliness of starting over, and the deep spiritual work of healing with God’s help. He writes about masculinity, emotional truth, the “Boss Chick” dynamic, weaponized feminism, and what it really means to be a Black husband trying to lead with integrity in a culture that often misunderstands him. Through raw storytelling, reflection questions, and faith-centered insight, he invites other men who “stayed silent to keep the peace” to find their voice, their boundaries, and their way back home to themselves.  For anyone navigating divorce, church hurt, gender conflict, or the quiet grief of losing yourself in a relationship, Reclaiming My Peace is both testimony and toolkit. It is not a sermon from the pulpit of perfection, but a journal from the journey of becoming—a witness that peace is not passive, it is a practice, and restoration is already underway.  ⚡ VidChapter AI generated these chapters, try it out https://vidchapter.com/?affiliate=yayadiamond Recommended podcast platform get 10% off: https://podopshost.com/register/?ref=yaya   Tools and Services I use: Appsumo has the best lifetime deals ever!!! I love this site.  appsumo.8odi.net/yayadiamond The easiest way to make your graphics: https://buff.ly/2RTQLn0 Best website for musicians. Try it for free on me: https://buff.ly/2GMYugG Make money with Fiverr.com: https://buff.ly/2KjTVvV   Our Amazon store: https://buff.ly/34RYNlm DISCLAIMER: Links included in this description might be affiliate links. If you purchase a product or service with the links that I provide I may receive a small commission. My affiliate links usually provide either a free trial or discount so go try them out on me! Thank you for supporting DreamChasersRadio.com  so I can continue to provide you with free content each week! Privacy Policy: https://buff.ly/2XSrflS ™Yaya Diamond Red Hot Reality Ent. LLC

Transcript

00:11Hi, how you doing today? My name is Arthur Jernigan, and I'm here with Miss Yaya Diamond,

00:16and I'm actually going to talk a little bit about my book called Reclaiming My Peace.

00:51Be good. Be very good.

00:56I'm being good. I'm being good. I swear I'm being good.

01:00I don't know. I'm trying to be good, but I'm telling you, this program is amazing, and it has saved

01:06me,

01:07and we have real people with real dreams and real results right here at Dream Chasers Radio,

01:11where we are inspiring you to go after your dreams and your goals by showing you people who have gone

01:18before and done it,

01:19and it's doable, and you can do it. Yes.

01:22So I have Mr. Jernigan on the show today, and he's going to be talking about his book.

01:28I'm telling you, I absolutely love the title of this book, Reclaiming My Peace.

01:33Who needs to do that? I do. I do. And we all do. We need to reclaim our peace, and

01:40that's what we're going to be talking about today,

01:41and I want to welcome him to the show. Thank you so much for joining us.

01:45Well, thank you there, Ms. Diamond. I'm really excited to be here, and I think hopefully I can bring something

01:50to the table

01:50and help and share with some other people.

01:53Oh, yes. Please, please do. Please do. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

01:57So let's go back, because everybody has a backstory.

02:00When they realized that they needed to write whatever they've written, you know, whether it be a real book,

02:06like, not everybody, but let me go back and say this, the real book meaning true stories or fiction or

02:15children's books or anything.

02:16What was the deciding factor to make you decide, this is what I want to do, and this is what

02:21I have to do now?

02:23Well, that's a great question. I can tell you it started with a lot of things.

02:28The main thing was I was really one of the things I was going through, a lot of challenges in

02:32my life.

02:32I was really going through a, if you call it heartbreak, disappointment, frustration.

02:38And then I found myself really struggling for a while trying to figure out, figure my way forward.

02:45So after a few nights, I'm going to say probably about six months' worth of nights, I couldn't sleep.

02:51I was just waking up at all times of the day and night and really having a lot to say

02:56and nobody to say it to.

02:58So I started out writing some notes to myself and would find myself at three o'clock in the morning

03:04on the computer,

03:06typing in some thoughts and waking up in the morning and trying to put them all together and make a

03:11cohesive thought

03:11and make sure I can get it out of my system.

03:14You know, I used to hear the story about people write what they call it, journaling.

03:19And I didn't really put a whole lot of stock into that.

03:22I didn't really try it before myself, but when I started writing this book, that's actually what I was doing.

03:28I was actually journaling, journaling my feelings, journaling what I was thinking, trying to make sense out of it.

03:35And at the end of the day, really just trying to get myself to a place where I could reclaim

03:39my peace again.

03:42You know, there's a lot of people out there that are going through that, you know,

03:45and they're going through that moment where they find themselves journaling.

03:49And like you said, you had a lot of things to say and no one to say it to.

03:54So was this a moment where you started to reclaim your peace or did you even know you were doing

03:58that?

04:00Well, actually, there was a lot of things going on.

04:03So one of the things I understood was I when I looked in the mirror, I couldn't couldn't recognize myself.

04:10And after going through all the trauma that, you know, divorce put you in, I realized that I really wasn't

04:19myself.

04:20I didn't I couldn't understand where I was at.

04:22So I had to do a few things.

04:24One, I had to dig down in myself.

04:26I had to do a really self-analysis again.

04:28I had to think about where where I once was.

04:33And then I was trying to figure out, hey, who can I talk to about this?

04:37And that's when it really kind of hit me.

04:40When I looked around, there really wasn't, if you will, a platform for men in general, but more specifically, black

04:50men.

04:50You know, we have a tendency to internalize a lot and feel like we're out on the island all by

04:56ourselves and there's really nobody to talk to.

04:59There's nothing you can speak to.

05:01There's not a not a group of people, if you will, that, you know, I can go on YouTube and

05:06pull up a name and they'll say, hey, men here, you can you can come into this particular group.

05:11But, you know, there's a lot of self-support out there for for women, on the other hand.

05:16Yeah. And women tend to coalesce around one another, regardless of what their their fault in the in the trauma

05:24is.

05:24They just coalesce and they support each other and they pat each other on the back.

05:28And, you know, hey, girl, you we got you regardless.

05:34And that's where I kind of kind of fell into this book.

05:38I really started thinking, you know what, I need to be at least write down not only my thoughts, but

05:45if I if I could try to be an inspiration to other men to to to to understand that their

05:53feelings that they're having, that their their their experiences are real.

05:59And it's OK to talk about it's OK to put it out there.

06:03And yeah, and find that, you know, you'll find that other men are also in the same posture as you.

06:09And so that's kind of where I was at.

06:11I said, let me go ahead and if nothing else, let me go ahead and tell my story and share

06:16my experiences.

06:17And maybe it'll be something that you can see in yourself or maybe it'll spark you thinking and looking at

06:23your experiences and decide to talk about them and share them.

06:26Yeah. Yeah. You know, a lot of men don't want to seem like they're vulnerable.

06:30They don't want to seem like they're weak, you know, God forbid, you know.

06:35But no, I understand that men hold things in and they're very quiet, especially when they get emotional or when

06:41when things just aren't going right.

06:44They get kind of quiet. And so, you know, it's it's it's really concerning to me that you didn't have

06:51that support system.

06:52I'm like, you're right. You know, us girls, no matter what, I mean, I could be coming from left field.

06:57My girls in right field will be like, look, we got her. Let's go get her.

07:00You know what I mean? Because we got to bring her over here because she she tripping and we got

07:04to get her, you know.

07:05And so that's something that women do. But men are silent.

07:11What what was the what was the thing that affected you in your marriage, staying silent emotionally and spiritually?

07:18And then now the divorce and all that. What was that like for you?

07:22Well, that was kind of a tough thing, you know, to be honest, is really kind of a struggle when

07:28you are in a relationship and you turn around and you actually realize that, you know, the person that you

07:34thought you were going to build your life with and one you thought you were going to take it to

07:38the end with this has other plans.

07:41As you know, they've decided for one reason or the other, they feel that they no longer want to stay

07:47in the process.

07:48They no longer want to to continue when that happens.

07:52It's really tough on men because men are kind of resilient.

07:57We kind of expect to have ups and downs in a relationship.

08:00And, you know, for most men, they're going to hang on as long as they can because they believe that

08:05it can turn around if they just try harder, if they, you know,

08:10I don't know what the word is, smile harder, buy more things, whatever it is, you know, you feel like

08:19that's going to get you back to where you are.

08:21And, you know, I came to understand after a period of time that, you know, I looked at my my

08:27ex and I realized that the train had already left the station.

08:31She was already moving on with her life.

08:35And the only one that didn't know was me.

08:38And once I understood that, you know, it's a hard thing to accept.

08:43And once I accepted it as, hey, this is the way it is, then, you know, then it's nothing else

08:49to do but try to find yourself again.

08:52How do you can you reclaim your peace?

08:54How do you move on?

08:55Because, you know, leaving, you know, a family, you have to start all over again.

09:02And how do you do that, particularly if there's like no real major support for you.

09:08So you have to start, you know, digging down in yourself.

09:11And then for me, spiritually, I kind of decided to reclaim my peace by, you know, seeking the most high

09:18again.

09:19You know, I had to seek and dig down and pray and hope that I could get through this.

09:26And I realized that, you know, the most high will meet you no matter where you are.

09:29He's going to meet you there and he can bring you through it.

09:33You just have to be willing to admit that you can't do it by yourself.

09:39Admit that you need his help to get you through this process.

09:43And then, you know, if you will, say stop being stubborn and just go that route.

09:50So that's what I chose to do.

09:55Some of my girls might be mad at me.

09:57They just might be mad at me for talking to you.

09:59How could you?

10:00How could you talk to him?

10:02You know, he probably didn't listen.

10:03He probably was just a lot of that stuff doesn't work on some women.

10:08You know, a lot of that typical stuff that works on most women doesn't work on all women.

10:14And especially when they decide I'm out of here.

10:17I'm done.

10:17I this is not what I signed up for.

10:20Maybe I'm going to hurt him.

10:22Maybe I'm not, you know, but I'm out.

10:24And once a woman makes up their mind that they're gone, they're pretty much gone before they even walk out

10:29the door.

10:30What was it like for you to use the words in your book, boss chick or weaponize feminism?

10:39Well, I've probably over the years I thought about it and I can give you some examples on one of

10:47the things that I that I understood and I learned quickly.

10:50You know, women are a little different than men.

10:53Men, when you, as an example, make money, men have a tendency to to bring it home and their goal

11:00is to provide and share and, you know, do whatever they have to do for the family.

11:07That's kind of how their focus gets.

11:10But women, on the other hand, from my experience and from a lot of men that I've spoken with, you

11:17know, they have the women have a different philosophy on making money.

11:21When they make money, it's not our money, it's their money.

11:24Their goal is, hey, I've made money and this is mine and you make money and that's ours.

11:31So I kind of started seeing that, you know, little things.

11:35And if they have any modicum of success and if they feel they're in a place where they believe that

11:41they've surpassed you or they believe that you're no longer in their league, if you will.

11:48I'm making more money than you and you're not you're not fitting the bill.

11:51You're not bringing bringing in as much as I bring in.

11:54So so therefore, I mean, I'm the head of the house now and a lot of them don't want to,

11:59you know, listen, if you will, accept any responsibility.

12:04And, you know, and I thought about this.

12:06I said, now, if a man did that in his house, if I brought in money and it was just

12:10mine and I didn't think about spending anything for the household, if I just said, you know, I made mine

12:16and you just have to figure out how you're going to get yours.

12:18That wouldn't work, you know, relationship.

12:21So those are some of the things I experienced.

12:23And then, of course, the educational piece, as we know, in particular, you know, as a group, black women are

12:31the most educated group in this country, if you will.

12:37But having said that, there's a lot of men with with education as well.

12:41You know, just for instance, you know, I'm an MBA myself and, you know, I've gone through college and all

12:48that.

12:48But that's really not how I define myself.

12:51I define myself as a person.

12:53And yeah, and my goal is to relate to someone that emotionally we can bond, mentally we can bond, spiritually

13:02we can bond.

13:03And she doesn't have to have an education.

13:06She doesn't have to be an MBA.

13:07You know, she can be high school.

13:10It doesn't matter.

13:11My goal is to bond with her and blend for us to build that family.

13:16So that's and I think that's a big difference because I've seen where a lot of women, when they get

13:20a degree, they're like, I don't need you.

13:22I have more education than you.

13:24I need to be I need to find somebody on my level.

13:27You know, I heard that a lot in the women groups.

13:30I can't I can't I can't deal with him because he's not educated or he's not making the six figures

13:37that I want.

13:38So I can't talk to him.

13:39He's not making enough.

13:41And, you know, at the end of the day, for for men, all those things are really irrelevant.

13:46You know, for men, we don't select our women based on how much education they have.

13:51Mm hmm. We don't base it on how much money they're making.

13:55We're actually looking, you know, men are visual, first of all.

13:59Yeah. And when they when they see something that they believe they can connect with, then they try to blonde.

14:04They try to have a conversation.

14:06And if you will, that that qualifying conversation piece takes place, you know, and it's really seeking somebody that you

14:14can be compatible with, somebody that you're willing to spend your last for.

14:19When, you know, I think for women, they have a different perspective.

14:23They're looking, always looking to, if you will, step up or improve or find somebody better, somebody making more, somebody

14:31that has more things.

14:32And, you know, that's that's a tough, tough thing to really relate to.

14:37I feel for you. I really do, because you've been looking in the wrong spot, darling.

14:45I have no idea who you found, but it wasn't my my girls don't do that.

14:50Like my people that I hang out with, we don't do that.

14:54We I've never said that that's my money and that's our money.

14:59I've always said that's our money.

15:01Well, you know, I've learned from experience on that, you know, I mean, we started out talking the same things,

15:07my relationship.

15:09But it's nothing like all of a sudden a windfall comes into play.

15:14As an example, you know, we are both entrepreneurs set in businesses.

15:18And I remember when mine, my ex, her business was actually taken off for a while.

15:24And so what I did on mine, I just kind of put mine to the side and supported hers and

15:28help her build her business.

15:31And we used to talk about in the beginning, this is our business.

15:35And but what I noticed is when the check started coming in, the sharing of the books with me didn't

15:44happen.

15:45The bank account, how much was in there didn't happen.

15:49You know, anything I was able to do was if the check came in, can you sign this and put

15:54this in the account for me?

15:55And I did that. But, you know, there wasn't no this is our business now.

16:00Let's let's talk about how much we can spend.

16:02And then when the money was made, it wasn't a question where she came and sat down with me and

16:08said, OK, hey, how can I help us get together with this?

16:11Let me let me let me share this money with you.

16:13You know, her focus was on I have some things I want to do, some plans that I've had in

16:19my head that I want to do with money when I make money.

16:22And that's where the money went. It didn't go to me.

16:25It wasn't like a matter of fact, the only thing I got out of it, I remember I got a

16:28loan at one point in my relationship.

16:31Here, let me loan you some money that I expect back.

16:35Yeah. Out of out of that money. So that's kind of where that went.

16:38You know, it's like, OK, I'm going to loan you this couple thousand here, whatever it was.

16:42And but, you know, it's not a gift.

16:45It's like you got to pay it back. And I paid it back every every every last dime, you know.

16:50So, again, that's what I was experiencing in my in my relationship.

16:55That's what I was saying. You know, I remember even sitting down having a conversation.

16:58Let me let me take a look at the books. Let's see how this is doing.

17:02Explain this to me. And oh, well, you know, we'll talk about that later.

17:06We'll talk about it later. Never came. So, you know, after a while, you can only beat your head on

17:11the wall so long when you realize that the door is closed.

17:15And then again, you start separating yourself. And that's kind of what happened with me.

17:19I was like, OK, I got it. I'm I'm slow.

17:23I was born at night, but it wasn't last night. So I can I can figure it out.

17:27Yeah. Bill, I feel betrayed in a way. I'm not trying to come at you in the wrong way.

17:34But as I'm listening to you, I feel betrayed by certain women who do that.

17:39I don't hang out with them purposefully because I'm not of that mind.

17:44Everything that comes in should be ours. We should sit down. We should discuss it.

17:48But if if I have a certain bank account that's for this, then we have that and we put money

17:55into that.

17:55We know how much is in there that we can play around with.

17:59But then this account here is for bills. We can't really touch that, you know.

18:03And so we work around all of that together and we've had our ups and downs.

18:08But I've never, ever, ever loaned my husband money and expected it back.

18:14It was like, oh, well, that's gone. You know, it's gone.

18:17That's what I would do, too, you know, for me. I never expected that.

18:21Yeah. I didn't even have a conversation to me on some things.

18:25For instance, if I saw something that was needed at the house, be it, you know, simple things, be it

18:30groceries or whatever, you know, I just pick it up.

18:32I'm back and that's, you know, it's a done deal. It's no conversation about it.

18:35No conversation. But I didn't really see that. And I didn't have that going on in my relationship.

18:39Like I said, when the money came in, I didn't even see what came in.

18:43I just know that, OK, I bought this. This is what I'm getting this right now.

18:49I'm doing this right now. So, you know, you can kind of pick up the hint, you know, and I

18:54did.

18:55And, you know, like I said, I started understanding that, you know what, I'm on my own in this right

19:01here.

19:01So, you know, that's tough. That's tough. So how did your faith in God's guidance help you during this healing

19:08and restoration journey?

19:09Like, you know, after you've kind of gotten out of that situation, I'm going to let you know, and I'm

19:15not really sure if you're privy to this, that there are women out there that are not like that, that

19:20are not like that.

19:21And don't group us with them because we don't want to have no relationship with them. We don't even want

19:25to know them.

19:26We don't want to hang out with them. And we are not their friends.

19:31That's good to know. That could be encouraging, you know, down the line.

19:34It should be. I hope it is because I do not hang out with people like that because, see, I'm

19:39not trying to take your interview from you,

19:40but I'm trying to kind of help you to understand that women like that, even in another woman's circle, is

19:48damaging.

19:49They feel like as if not only are they higher than their husbands, but they're higher than me.

19:55And that's their whole persona is higher than everybody else.

20:00It doesn't matter whether you are their friend or their associate or their husband or their kid.

20:05They are higher than you. And, and there is a certain persona that I do not associate with.

20:10And that is one of them. I won't, I won't do it because I feel like everybody has something for

20:15everybody and we should all be helping each other.

20:18And, you know, if I need a hand up, I expect my friends to be there for me.

20:24Just like, just like I'm there for them and people that have that attitude that, that are better than you

20:31will never, ever give you a hand up without a handout.

20:36You're going to be, you're going to be like this later on. Like, okay, I gave you a handout. Where's

20:40my money?

20:41Yeah. Yeah. You know, where, where's the payback for this? Where, what do I get?

20:45I agree with you on that. And, and, and I agree that the betrayal, I've kind of felt that way

20:50myself.

20:51I mean, I was, I was not so much angered as I was disappointed once that happened and, you know,

20:59it's like, okay, hey, I'm a, I can loan you some money here, you know,

21:02with the expectation of paying back. I mean, once that happens to you, you, you, you really wonder why are

21:09you trying in this relationship?

21:11You start thinking, why am I really even doing this here? So, so I started and I wasn't planning an

21:18exit because even in that situation,

21:20I was trying to say, look, I didn't want to admit defeat. I didn't want to, to say that what

21:27I see is what I see.

21:28I wanted to, to, if you will, you know, you do that mind manipulation to yourself and you say, you

21:35know, maybe I'm not actually seeing what I'm seeing.

21:38Maybe, maybe it's just me right now. Let me, let me, let me try to get through this. And so

21:43I did.

21:43But, and, but then, you know, a few other things happened that also kind of got me. One of the

21:48things was, when I talk about, I mentioned it actually in my book,

21:53where I talk about the social media, how much of an impact that has and how much of an influence

21:59that has, particularly in the, on the female end.

22:03You know, my, my ex had a couple of websites and one of them was a family website.

22:10And of course, you know, I wasn't given access to that. You know, I wasn't added to the family website

22:17and she had her own personal, you know, Facebook account.

22:20And, you know, I started out, we started out talking about that one and, you know, I gave her access

22:27to mine because it really wasn't no big deal.

22:29It's not, you know, I'm not having a lot of conversations with anybody that, that she can't have access to.

22:36I mean, there wasn't any, wasn't any questions to me on that one.

22:40It's just like, Hey, to me, it's just a Facebook page.

22:42And it really wasn't somewhere where I spent a lot of time on it, having conversations with a whole lot

22:47of other people.

22:48It's more of keeping up with old friends.

22:51Sometimes I would see some of them on there and we'd hit each other up.

22:55And other than that, that's kind of where it's at. I didn't live on it.

22:58I didn't really, you know, like rush home and let me get on my Facebook page and see what's going

23:02on.

23:03But on her end, she spent a lot of time on that page, on her pages.

23:07And I, and I remember one time I was, I just went through this early in relationship.

23:12I looked at it and I saw a couple of responses to some people that she was, was talking with

23:17that I didn't really know.

23:19And I kind of felt that she was talking about me without saying anything about me because we had a

23:25little confrontation on, on that particular subject earlier.

23:29So being the person that I am, I just had to ask a question, you know, what, first of all,

23:34why are you putting anything about what we're talking about?

23:37What's going on in our relationship on Facebook for one?

23:40And why are you talking about me on Facebook?

23:43And of course, her response was, well, I really wasn't talking about you on there.

23:47I was just saying in general, well, you know, I'm, I'm not stupid.

23:51So, and I can understand and I can read between the lines, particularly if it's a discussion that we had

23:57earlier.

23:59Well, the response to that was, you know, within the next day, I'm, I'm, I'm no longer allowed to see

24:05her Facebook page.

24:06You know, she just blocked me on all of her social media, you know, and I was willing to go

24:12with that as long as it was a short term, you know, a couple of days.

24:16And, you know, if she's frustrated, I get that, but it didn't change.

24:21So, I mean, we had gone through this and I'd ask her about it.

24:24I said, you know, why are you blocking me?

24:25I had this conversation and it went on for about six months and I just finally stopped asking.

24:30I said, you know, that's, that's fine.

24:31I don't need to be on your page.

24:32I don't need to see anything on there.

24:34And then I stopped trying.

24:35Well, all those things do is build those boundaries between us.

24:41Yeah.

24:41Now you have a Facebook page.

24:44You, you spent a lot of time on it.

24:45You, you spent a lot of time on your social media and I don't have access to, to understand what

24:51you're talking about or what's going on.

24:54You, you know, you couple that with, I don't have access to the business finances.

25:01You know, you, you, you kind of start stacking those things together and you realize, you know what, this is

25:07probably not going to work out here.

25:09Yeah.

25:10Yeah.

25:11Wow.

25:12Wow.

25:13I'm so sorry.

25:15I am.

25:16I'm so sorry.

25:17I'm, I've been with my husband since 1989 and I have, I mean, I don't have those things.

25:25I couldn't even like do that.

25:27I would, I would literally blow up like, okay, I put you on this and I did this and I

25:32did that and I'm so sorry.

25:33It would be like that with me.

25:34I just, I can't, I can't because I feel like we, we are walking this life together.

25:39And so, no, I believe you.

25:44And that's exactly what I felt too.

25:46I thought we were walking this life together, but I realized that we weren't.

25:51And again, once that hit, once that hits you in your face and you start understanding it and you start

25:56realizing it and you start looking at yourself and saying, you know what?

26:00But I think this is not working out and, you know, I mean, we didn't argue every day, nothing like

26:06that, but, you know, stop communicating, if you will.

26:09No, no, no heartfelt conversations.

26:12It just became, if you will, a lot of solitude around the house and, you know, plans being made that

26:19didn't include me and going to, you know, to my home, my family's home.

26:23And we're going to be doing this, this, and this, and I'm not invited, you know.

26:29So, you know, those things started kicking in pretty on a consistent basis.

26:34So, my job was to watch the house and keep up with the dog if the dog wasn't going and,

26:40you know, get over it.

26:43So, I mean, that was kind of where it was going for a while.

26:46And, you know, even through that, though, you know, my option was, you know, I didn't believe in stepping outside

26:52of the relationship, if you will, you know, finding somebody else that I could spend time with.

26:58I mean, that wasn't even really an issue.

27:00I just kept believing that some kind of way we're going to work this out and sometimes something's going to

27:05happen and we can get back together.

27:07But that didn't happen.

27:09And so, understand that.

27:11I said, well, you know, it's time for me to start making my moves.

27:15Yeah.

27:15Time to dip.

27:16Yeah.

27:17Time to dip.

27:18Time to go.

27:19Time to go.

27:20You know, and I don't blame you.

27:22I don't blame you at all.

27:24I would be dipping.

27:25I would have dipped a long time ago.

27:28You were way patient.

27:30You have more patience than most people have patience with.

27:33The moment that she or he blocks me on Facebook or anything, because it's so relevant in this day and

27:41age, once that happens, I'm like, oh, I'm out.

27:44I'm out.

27:45I already know you're talking about me.

27:47And everybody's going to be looking at me at different events and stuff like, oh, look at her.

27:53You know, all that happens.

27:55And that's terrible.

27:56That's terrible.

27:56So, like, your faith, right?

27:59So, you jump on over and you get more faithful.

28:03You get more into the most high.

28:05You create your area of your life separate from her now.

28:11And what did that do for you?

28:13How did that help you?

28:15Well, the faith in the most high to me is the most important thing in my life.

28:22I mean, I have to cling to the most high because, you know, without him, then there's nothing possible.

28:29So, and I understood that, you know, a long time ago, although I was having my struggles and I was

28:36caught up with trying to make this relationship work.

28:38And I think, you know, I probably inadvertently put the most high to the side to try to work it

28:45out.

28:45And, you know, he kind of showed me, hey, dude, you can do all that you want.

28:49But, you know, at the end of the day, you need to come back.

28:53And I'm okay.

28:54I'm really okay with it now.

28:56I mean, once I returned to the most high and I started to spend my time in studying, reading his

29:04word and applying it to my life.

29:06And also discovering some things that I didn't know because I, and I believe this and I hope it's not

29:13offensive to anybody, but I believe I'm an Israelite and I've gone through my DNA testing.

29:20I've kind of searched my heritage and my past and all those things.

29:24And I, and I realized not only who I am, but whose I am.

29:29So understanding that I'm, it's all good now.

29:32Everything is good.

29:33And so this had to happen in order to get me to that place.

29:37So there's no regrets.

29:39I hear you.

29:40I hear you.

29:40And I appreciate it.

29:42I appreciate the honesty.

29:43I appreciate that you've gone through these circumstances to get you where you are today, because ultimately this is how

29:50it had to have happened.

29:52I mean, there is really no other direction unless there's a parallel universe we don't know about.

29:57We don't know about it for a reason.

29:59Anyway, so what I'm saying is that, you know, what's good.

30:04I mean, the next relationship, have you prepared yourself for not bringing this into your next relationship and not bringing

30:12that, that, that distrust into the next relationship and just starting fresh?

30:18Well, to be honest, I haven't got there yet.

30:22I still have a lot of, and I'm not going to say it's anger.

30:27It's not anger.

30:27It's more of a, I have mistrust.

30:30I have, I have doubts.

30:32I have, it's going to take a minute before I can really actually step out and say, okay, I'm willing

30:39to, to, to move forward in a relationship with someone starting fresh and, and believe in we're at ground zero.

30:46You know, uh, seems like the more I see and the more things I watch, particularly when I go on

30:52social media, you know, uh, you know, little things like YouTube, I go on there and I see the drama

30:59going on with quote unquote, the modern woman, you know, the expectations, the craziness, if you will, uh, going out

31:06on, you know, basic things like first dates.

31:09And then having that date, uh, you know, order 10 meals, you know, and think this okay, you know, I

31:15mean, I'm like, what has happened?

31:17What is going on here?

31:18You know, uh, uh, or, uh, you, you go to have this one date and they're saying, meet me at

31:24the, uh, you know, nail and hair salon while I'm getting my things fixed.

31:28And, you know, your job is to pay for this even before we even talked, you know, I mean, some

31:33of those crazy things that are going on.

31:35I'm like, you, you've got to be kidding me.

31:37Um, so keeping those in mind, I haven't really been in a big rush, uh, to pursue those.

31:43I've been just working on myself and I started to spend more time, uh, in the gym, uh, you know,

31:48trying to get the, get this, uh, this old body is as tuned as it can get and, uh, stay

31:54focused on me.

31:55You know, I don't need the drama in my life, you know?

31:59Yeah.

32:00I think you're in the wrong, like Facebook, uh, side or something.

32:06I don't know, you know, how you're in the wrong, like you find yourself in the Facebook that always talks

32:12about jokes or you, you're in the Facebook that always does this.

32:16I think you need to pick up some different topics, Facebook, whatever, find somebody else.

32:24This, this is not happening.

32:26This is terrible.

32:27I'm so sorry.

32:28I feel for you because again, like I said, if she treats you that way, she treats her friends the

32:34same.

32:35And most women who are in those circles don't hang out with women like me and vice versa.

32:44And so, and, and I hope that, you know, when you are ready, if you ever are, that you will

32:50find someone who literally wants to share their lives with you.

32:56That's what you have to find.

32:57You have to find someone that wants to completely share their life with you.

33:02And that's the purpose of a marriage of a relationship is to, to begin to learn, to share, you know,

33:10what do you hope readers will experience about the, about your divorce, your, your hurt, your emotional loss and taking

33:17away from, uh, your book.

33:19Cause you do have your book out.

33:20I'm going to put that book up on the screen.

33:22And it's on Amazon reclaiming my piece.

33:26Uh, what, what do you want people to take away?

33:31Well, that's a great question.

33:33And as I was writing the book, uh, my motivation has changed.

33:37So to be perfectly honest, uh, when I first started, there was some anger there and I wanted to get

33:44the anger out and I'm not sure if I wanted to, uh, yeah, yeah, I was, I was, I was,

33:51I was angry when I first started.

33:52But as I started writing and, uh, and looking around and looking inside of myself, I realized that, you know,

33:59maybe I can be a catalyst or, uh, an inspiration for somebody else to take a look at their life.

34:08And, uh, you know, as an example, let me give you this, uh, a quick story that happened.

34:12Actually, when I did the initial manuscript, I put it together and I had a good friend of mine, actually

34:18the guy that did the forward for me.

34:20I, I sent that piece to him and I said, Hey, I want you to, uh, to read the book

34:26and give me your honest assessment on it.

34:30And to my surprise, he, he, he got the manuscript.

34:34He started reading it.

34:36And literally a couple of days later, he called me up and said, man, art, I can't, I can't, I

34:42can't finish this book right now, man.

34:44He says, you put so much in, and he had only gone through the first two or three chapters.

34:50He said, there's so much honesty in this.

34:53And so much truth.

34:54He says, it reminded me of some of the experiences I went through and I couldn't put it down in

34:59writing.

35:00I couldn't tell it.

35:00I wanted to say it.

35:02And you said it.

35:03And he says, man, it just blew me away.

35:06And I was so, so stressed.

35:08He said, I had to put the book down, man.

35:10He said, it almost made me cry because I thought about my life and I thought about my divorce.

35:15And some of the things that you talked about in yours, uh, were happening in mine.

35:20He said, and I really couldn't figure out how to say it.

35:22I couldn't figure out the words to put on paper to say it.

35:26I couldn't express it.

35:27And he says, man, you just opened the door for me and you helped me just get that.

35:32So when he finally had got through the book, uh, honestly, he came back and said, Hey, man, bro, you

35:38gotta, you gotta put this out there.

35:40You know, everybody needs to read this book.

35:43He says, it has so much in there for so many people.

35:47Uh, and he says, your clarity, uh, the way you've written it and the focus that you put on it,

35:54because I turned from anger to, uh, wanting to share.

35:59And if you will be an inspiration, particularly for men to, to, to understand that what they're feeling is true.

36:07Uh, some of those feelings that you have, some of those emotions that you have, when you feel like you

36:12want to cry, that's a true feeling.

36:14It's a real feeling.

36:16And, uh, don't look at it as a, as a weakness.

36:19Look at it as your strength.

36:20Uh, that is your superpower, your ability to look at yourself and look at your relationship and understand that, you

36:26know, it wasn't as successful as you wanted it to be.

36:29And some of those, uh, red flags that you saw in your partner, they're, they're, they're probably true.

36:35And, uh, keeping that in mind, you just have to streamline.

36:41And for me, my goal is to, to hopefully share this with as many people as possible.

36:48Uh, you know, I had another good friend of mine as late as, as, as late as today.

36:53As a matter of fact, earlier today, she had written, read the book and she texts me and said, Arthur,

36:58I got to get this book to my son and my, my daughter.

37:01They're having some issues and they're going through a lot of things.

37:04And, you know, some of the stuff that you put in your book, I know they're going through.

37:08So I'm going to send this to them and I hope it can help them.

37:12And I responded back to her.

37:13I said, that's great.

37:14If that's, if that, if that's what it can do, if that causes them to talk, uh, to, to at

37:20least have that conversation and, uh, and honestly look in the mirror and say, Hey, this is what's really going

37:26on.

37:27If I can be a part of that process, that's kind of where I'm at for this book.

37:33Wow.

37:34You know, the one thing I would like for you to do, and I know that this is, this is,

37:39this is off left field wall outside the box, like really far.

37:44Outside the box, but I, I think that, um, you put it in the book, right?

37:55But what would be the main thing that out of the book that most women don't know about men that

38:03you could tell them about the emotional side of a man?

38:06Because women don't see it.

38:08Men, a lot of men hide it.

38:10Like I've never seen my husband cry.

38:12Well, I have, but it's been very far for you and in between.

38:16And a lot of men that I've been with have been that man, you know, the man, you know, and

38:23it's like, okay, I know you can be the man, but can you be the man?

38:27Um, so I, I would like to know, like, what, what would you want to say to women, um, to,

38:35to kind of give them a heads up?

38:38Well, men have feelings, so I can tell you this, if this, if you feel a certain way, you can

38:45probably trust that that man feels a certain way.

38:48Now, the reason that man won't share that with you is, uh, is an old tested and tried truth.

38:57Women, and I don't want to sound totally negative, but, uh, women have a tendency to store up those things

39:06and use it as ammunition, as a weapon to the man, uh, later on.

39:12Um, so men understand that they know that if I tell her this, or if I cry in front of

39:19her, well, a couple of things going to happen.

39:21Most of the time, she's going to say, I'm, I'm weak.

39:25And, uh, she's going to also believe that, uh, if I cry in front of her, then, uh, I'm not

39:31strong enough to, to, to, I'm not that strong person that she thinks she needs in her relationship.

39:38So they begin to, at that point, uh, try to undermine you, uh, disrespect you.

39:45And then the crazy thing is once that disrespect starts, it doesn't stop.

39:51And men know that they, they understand it.

39:54And women know it too.

39:55They save that up for, for their anger, you know, and you, and I know you've seen over the years

40:00where all of a sudden a woman is angry and the thing that can hurt her person more, the most

40:07is what comes out of her mouth.

40:09Those secrets, those things that you told her in confidence, those things you were sharing with her, uh, to, to,

40:16to help build that bond closer is the very thing that she will use to, to get even with you,

40:24to punish you.

40:26And, uh, once that happens, that trust is gone, you know, so, so men, they don't take that chance.

40:31They don't want to, uh, you know, uh, we have to be in a relationship for a real, real long

40:36time.

40:37And it has to be a relationship that's working in order for us to, to say we can trust that

40:42much, you know, because, uh, unfortunately women will abuse that trust.

40:49They'll abuse that honesty that you give them.

40:52They'll abuse that, that showing you my heart.

40:56This is how I am.

40:57This is where I'm at.

40:57This is what I feel.

40:59Uh, so cool.

41:00So men don't really operate on feelings.

41:02They operate on what they see, what they can touch, uh, what they can hold, what they can validate and

41:07what they can verify.

41:09And, and, you know, that's how we operate.

41:12So what I would tell women is, Hey, you know, if, if you're, if you're fortunate enough for your, for

41:17your man to, to be willing to open up and share with you, to be vulnerable around you, then you

41:24have to guard that.

41:25Like you're guarding your last meal, your last dollar.

41:28I mean, that's so very valuable and don't ever, don't ever throw that out there for, for anybody else.

41:36Because once you do, it's over.

41:39The relationship is done.

41:40There's no coming back from that.

41:44Oh God, I have no words.

41:47I, I would never, I would never, it never would cross my mind to do that.

41:56Like I said, you're on the wrong side of something somewhere.

41:59You put some kind of directive in there and it just kept you going on that side.

42:04Um, yeah, no.

42:06Wow.

42:07I want, if you're watching this program today and you have seen what Arthur has said, I want the real

42:15women, the women who love, the women who empathize, the women who knows that what happens at home stays at

42:24home.

42:24I want you to comment below and encourage Arthur and let him know that there are women out there that

42:30don't do none of that.

42:31We don't even think about it.

42:33That ain't even a part of us.

42:34Let's get, let's get Arthur on the right side of Facebook.

42:38Let's get him on the other side of Facebook because I, I literally, I've seen people get vulnerable.

42:47I'm going to say people because it's not just my husband.

42:49I've seen people get vulnerable and that stays right there.

42:54Like right there.

42:55It doesn't go any further.

42:57It just stays right there because that is the moment I'm supposed to be the friend, the family member.

43:05And that's where it stays.

43:07Doesn't go beyond that.

43:09Now I don't have to go out and talk to another person about what happened.

43:13Girl, did you, I don't do none of that because that's none of their business.

43:18That's none of their business.

43:20And if they want, if you want someone to know about something, you tell them that was the household I

43:26came from.

43:27When people come to you in confidence, they come to you in confidence.

43:32That's their life.

43:33If you want, if they want someone else to know, they will tell them.

43:37You keep your mouth shut.

43:40And I agree.

43:41That's, that's where I come from.

43:43You know, I come from that.

43:45Whatever is at home stays at home.

43:48You know, the vulnerability that we share in this household stays here.

43:53My children have seen it and it stays here, you know, and they know that when they're in their home,

44:00if something should happen while I'm at their house, it stays in their house.

44:05That's between them and not me.

44:09That's a beautiful thing because I think that's the truth.

44:11I walk away and be like, okay, I'm going to do something different.

44:16Let me help.

44:17Let me help.

44:18You know, I'm going on.

44:19Let me just find myself in another room or somewhere, you know, because I understand they have to work that

44:24out between themselves.

44:26So the vulnerability that they share, they let me see it, but that doesn't mean I'm a part of it.

44:33And nor does it mean you should take it and go out and tell anybody else about it, you know?

44:39So what for?

44:40Or what's the purpose?

44:42Why?

44:43Right.

44:44So you don't think like you're better than everybody?

44:46Exactly.

44:47You know, one of the things that you said I listened to, and I can relate to this.

44:50One of the things that happened in my relationship when I, before, you know, towards the end, actually, I spent

44:56some time around, you know, her family.

45:00And, you know, you can sense when other people are having concerns about you.

45:05They don't want to, they want to say something, but they don't want to talk or whatever.

45:08They don't want to say.

45:09A couple of her family members that I, you know, had a rapport with, and I thought I had a

45:13rapport with, not should I say.

45:16But I remember just approaching them on just basic conversations, and I noticed where the eye contact was gone.

45:25They wouldn't look me in my eye when we're talking.

45:28They really avoided spending a lot of time in my presence, you know, so it's like you walk in the

45:36room, and then everybody gets quiet, and they start backing away.

45:39And so I asked my ex about that, and, of course, she assured me that it was just my imagination.

45:46Oh, no, no, no, no, they love you.

45:49They wouldn't do any of that, and I don't believe that to this day, because I know how people are.

45:55And I know once you break that trust in your relationship and you share it with anyone outside of your

46:01relationship, to include your family members, they start making their own opinions.

46:07They start forming their own goals.

46:09And their alliance is with you.

46:11They're not with the other person.

46:14So, you know, and so it's natural.

46:17And I understand that, and I can accept that.

46:20You know, I said, okay, well, that's her family, and I know that, you know, they're aware that we're in

46:25the process of breaking up or whatever, separating and going our own way.

46:29Well, they're going to back up, and they're going to align behind her.

46:32Yeah.

46:33All the things that she told them about me.

46:36They're going to believe it.

46:37They're going to believe it, and that's the reference point they're going to go with from that point forward.

46:41So, you know, I knew that I was done.

46:44I mean, that was it.

46:46Yeah.

46:46Well, we're going to get you on the right side of Facebook, brother.

46:50We're going to get you on the right side.

46:51I don't know what side you're on.

46:53I've never seen that side because I've never really put in any directives to get on that side or had

46:57anybody in my life that, you know, I always, I cut people off fast.

47:03Like, I'm of the belief, if they show you who they are, believe them.

47:07The first time.

47:08Yeah.

47:08First time.

47:09First time.

47:10Yeah.

47:11I'm a first time kind of person, you know, and I will apologize before.

47:15We start a friendship only because I know I'm going to mess up.

47:17I'm that person.

47:19I'm sorry.

47:20And what are you sorry for in advance?

47:22Because I know I'm not perfect and I know I'm going to mess up somewhere, somewhere down the line.

47:27But I apologize.

47:28And at that moment that I do mess up, let me know so that we can work it out.

47:32There you go.

47:33Well, I agree with you.

47:35That's me.

47:36And I appreciate it because I'm, you know, and I want to say clearly I'm not perfect.

47:40I never and I never claimed to be perfect.

47:42Yeah.

47:42Who is?

47:43And, you know, I made my mistakes in the relationship and I put those in the book as well.

47:48I mean, it wasn't one sided because it's not just to get even with her.

47:53That wasn't my goal.

47:54My goal is to have to, hey, put it all out there.

47:56Right.

47:56Put my stuff that's appropriate out there.

47:58Put her stuff that's appropriate out there.

48:01Nothing to demean.

48:03You know, she she may be a great person for somebody else.

48:06It just didn't work out for us.

48:08Yeah.

48:08So, you know, there's no hate there.

48:10I don't I don't come from a place of hate.

48:12I just came from the place of honesty, trust.

48:14And for me, reclaiming my peace.

48:17That's where I'm at.

48:19And I appreciate that.

48:20I appreciate what you've done.

48:21If you have encouraging words for author, please, please comment below wherever you may be watching or above or on

48:28the side or whatever, wherever the comment section is.

48:31Give him some peace of mind and let him understand that there are people out there.

48:35Us will real women.

48:36Come on.

48:37Let's go.

48:38Chop, Sui.

48:38Let's go right there.

48:40Right.

48:40Wherever, wherever.

48:42Make a comment and put it out and represent the real woman out there that understands that the relationship is

48:48a relationship.

48:49It's not a two way street.

48:52It's a one way.

48:53You're going the same way.

48:55And sometimes somebody is ahead of you.

48:57Sometimes you're ahead of the other person.

48:58It doesn't matter.

48:59You're going in the same direction.

49:00And you got to stop and eat.

49:02And somebody got to stop and wait.

49:03And that's just the way it is.

49:05You know, but you're going to stop and wait.

49:07And when they get there, you're going to be like, OK, I ordered the food because I knew what you

49:11liked.

49:12Let's get those real women out there.

49:14Let's get those real people out there that know what a relationship really is and knows that it doesn't matter

49:19who's further along than the other.

49:22You're still in love.

49:24And the relationship is the same.

49:25I want to thank you, Arthur, for being here.

49:28Man, I tell you, you just touched a nerve.

49:31You touched a nerve because, again, the same person that did that to you would do that to me.

49:38Relationships are relationships regardless of whether they're a man or a man.

49:41Best friends, female, female, where you know your friends.

49:45It's the same mentality.

49:47It's the same mentality all the way around.

49:49And, you know, if you're looking for someone or you just happen to stumble across a real woman.

49:56Hello.

49:57It's a real woman.

49:57Hello.

49:58How you doing, girlfriend?

50:00You will know the difference.

50:01You will know the difference.

50:03Definitely.

50:03And I want to thank you so much for being on the show.

50:05We're going to put the link to the book, Reclaiming My Peace, darling.

50:10You need it.

50:10Yes.

50:11Yes.

50:11And I hope and pray, Arthur, that you do find peace, complete peace, so that if you do decide, if

50:20you do decide that you want a different relationship or you find yourself finding someone and not really believing who

50:27they are in the beginning.

50:28And they're trying to show you that you won't push them away, but that you will begin to understand that

50:33this was a divine appointment and that the most high creator really did want you to have someone of your

50:39own, your own mindset.

50:42And I want to thank you again.

50:44Well, I have to say, I appreciate the opportunity there, Ms. Diamond.

50:49And, you know, the questions were wonderful.

50:51And hopefully I answered the questions in a place where other people can understand it.

50:56And I do encourage other people to take an opportunity, you know, get the book.

51:02It's not a hard read.

51:03I think it's a pretty easy read.

51:05It's going to be some difficult topics to look at.

51:09But hopefully it'll get you closer to understanding where you are in a relationship.

51:14And maybe you can even course correct if you see some of those things and make it work.

51:18And so I wish you all the best.

51:20I wish everyone the best.

51:22And I'm moving on with my piece.

51:26And any encouragement is definitely willing.

51:29I'd be willing to accept it.

51:31And yeah.

51:32And real women.

51:33I mean, obviously, I still love women.

51:36There's no question about that.

51:38So, yeah, if I did find a real one that's willing to move forward, I would consider it.

51:44I hear that.

51:45I hear that.

51:45Us real women, you know what I'm talking about, ladies.

51:47Come on.

51:48Real women.

51:49Step up to the plate, girl.

51:51Represent the real woman.

51:52We need to do that because, whew, you know how it is, ladies.

51:56You know how it is.

51:57Come on.

51:58And I want to thank you again.

51:59I want to thank you guys.

52:00Don't forget to Dare to Be Different.

52:01We have real people, real dreams, real wins, and success stories right here at Dream Chasers Radio.

52:06And, Arthur, you are a successor.

52:08You are moving on.

52:08And hopefully in the future, you will be able to actually move completely on and have someone who wants to

52:16journey with you.

52:18That would be a nice thing.

52:19That would be.

52:20Yeah.

52:22All right.

52:23And thank you guys so much for tuning in.

52:24And I'm going to put all of that information in the description box right above the comment section where you're

52:30going to put your comment.

52:31I need encouraging words for Arthur, okay?

52:34And if this has happened to you, you need to get the book and make a comment below on how

52:39you got out if that's something that you did and how you got over and how you found the love

52:43of your life if you are in that relationship now.

52:47Arthur needs some encouraging words.

52:50And there are a lot of people out there that are going through this and they need encouragement too.

52:53Until next time, guys.

52:55Bye.

53:09Bye.

53:09Okay.

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