- 2 days ago
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TVTranscript
00:07nine drag superstars have been invited to live in this luxury mansion we're going to reach out
00:12and we call this the flaming homosexual and you just want to slap your over the next seven weeks
00:18they'll have to prove their worth by undertaking a series of awkwardly fabulous challenges
00:22oh they are violent tonight those who fall short will have their star dimmed and be sent packing
00:37only the most fabulous will survive to become the star of the house of drag
01:02can you believe the drag stars are coming to our house today i know nine of new zealand's finest
01:07coming to our mansion what should we do with them fetishy oh what about a glamour pussy challenge
01:14yeah i love being blessed but before can i have a go on your pink bed all right i'll leave
01:19i can ride
01:19yourself
01:19get off
01:21get off
01:26get off
01:28sweet like sugar but i'm sour inside red hot lover but i'm cold in his eyes
01:37i'm no angel even though i look nice
01:41you realize
01:42when you're coming
01:45saw
01:45get off
01:48get off
02:02get offлек
02:13They're late.
02:21Where are they?
02:23Bloody drag queens.
02:31Oh, the first contestant off the block.
02:33She's looking very Jessica Rabbit, isn't she?
02:35Oh, look at that.
02:37A vision and off-red.
02:38I wonder if the carpet matches the drapes.
02:40I would hate to find out.
02:41Hello, darling.
02:42Hello.
02:43Welcome to the house of drag.
02:45Oh, thank you.
02:46It's lovely to be here.
02:47You are looking stunning.
02:48My name is Lola Blades.
02:50And I am the youngest milk of Auckland.
02:54Cheers, Quez.
02:55Grab something to wet your whistle, darling.
02:58You are going to need it.
02:59Oh.
03:00Are you excited to be here tonight?
03:01Lola Blades is a high-energy performer.
03:05You've had your mouth full before, haven't you?
03:07Like this?
03:08She's full of bad puns, bad jokes.
03:11That's how I remember you much better.
03:14Yeah, yeah.
03:14But always there to support and to judge.
03:17Well, anyway, Lola, welcome to the house of drag.
03:19We'll see you soon.
03:20Thank you, darlings.
03:22Hideous.
03:24Oh, look at that.
03:26She's a space hooker.
03:28Oh, a little flip.
03:29I'm Bunny Holiday.
03:31Hi, girl.
03:32Hello.
03:32Welcome to the house of drag.
03:33Thank you for having me.
03:34She's like an L.A. princess socialite.
03:37Don't you look absolutely questionable.
03:41Like Lindsay Lohan and like Britney Spears, like stumbling out of a car into a nightclub.
03:47Now, darling, what do you hope to bring to the competition this week?
03:49Have that perfection?
03:50I love it.
03:52See you soon.
03:53Oh.
03:55What a slap.
04:01I think a giraffe is coming down the drive.
04:04My drag name is Medulla Oblongata.
04:06She's a woman.
04:07She's certainly something.
04:09Well, she tries.
04:09She speaks her mind and she's true to herself.
04:13Look at you popping out of your corset.
04:15Absolutely lovely.
04:16And how would you describe this look, Medulla?
04:18Quiche.
04:19Quiche.
04:20I enjoy a quiche.
04:22Well, I must say, you seem like an egg, so get yourself into the house, would ya?
04:26Fabulous.
04:26Nah.
04:28My drag persona is Miss Trinity Ice.
04:31She's a trans woman, which is my point of difference.
04:34One and only.
04:36I'm surprised the pavement handled all of that.
04:38You walked up it.
04:39Darling, I get hoisted up in a toboggan.
04:44Hello.
04:45Hello, darling.
04:47I'm Volgatitz.
04:49Look at you.
04:50We gave you a no smuggling beach balls policy.
04:53Oh, don't you dare.
04:54I'm a one-of-a-kind fat brats doll, pretty much.
04:57Your boots are made for walking.
04:59And that's just what they'll do.
05:01Oh, double denim.
05:04I'm Luna.
05:05I am the queen of the moon.
05:08What do you hope to bring to the competition this week?
05:10I just want to have fun and party.
05:12Oh.
05:13It's gonna be me.
05:14We were hoping for blowies.
05:15Oh, my God.
05:16Hello, darling.
05:18I am Lady Lay in drag.
05:20You look amazing.
05:22I think she is kind of, like, more goth.
05:27What about your collar?
05:28Is that for any particular reason?
05:30Oh, well, some people like it if I bark a little bit when I fit the collar on.
05:34That is slightly more attractive than your regular voice.
05:37Yeah, no, this isn't it.
05:38The bitch is here.
05:39Yeah.
05:42Sweet buns.
05:43Oh, cheers.
05:47How are you, gorgeous?
05:48I'm very good, thank you.
05:49I see you rolled out the red carpet just for me.
05:51My name is Siobhan Borealis.
05:53You look positively stoned.
05:56It's just a bit of beard hair I just rolled out.
05:58Oh, yes. How many cats had to die for that?
06:00Five.
06:01She's just everything that I can't quite beat as a boy.
06:06That's a lot of well-used pussy.
06:10The man, Marie.
06:12Hello, handsome.
06:13I'm Hugo Girl.
06:15It's me, Hugo Girl.
06:17I'm a transgender man.
06:19Or a man.
06:20Also that.
06:21Oh, my darling, you are a drag king.
06:23Correct.
06:24Hugo Girl is like a hairy teenage boy.
06:27He's a much louder, more colourful version of myself.
06:30I love it.
06:31We've been stuffing our bra and you've been stuffing your duke.
06:34Oh, well, my darling, welcome.
06:35We are very excited to see what you're going to bring to the table.
06:38My gosh, I love those tails.
06:42That lion tamer has well and truly tamed my pussy.
06:46Down the hedge.
06:54I think I missed a bit.
06:57Oh!
06:58It's got some on my tits.
06:59Do you have any refills?
07:08Oh, girl, you're my desire.
07:12Happy Gainers.
07:13Hey!
07:15Oh, hi!
07:16Who dat?
07:17When I saw Madala, I was like, of course she's going to be here.
07:22Mwah, mwah.
07:23Don't pretend like you don't know me.
07:24We've been good friends for a few years now.
07:27I don't.
07:27Who?
07:28I've never met you.
07:30Fancy bumping into all you ladies.
07:31I met at this time of the morning.
07:33It looks like you're about ready for bed.
07:34My third class.
07:36Hello.
07:37Hi.
07:37I'm Bunny.
07:38Trinity, hi.
07:39Get in Auckland.
07:40Okay, I need some Wellington.
07:41We are from Wellington.
07:42I am.
07:43Oh, my God.
07:43Cute.
07:44Yeah.
07:44I've known this...
07:45Too long.
07:46Way too long.
07:47It's when dinosaurs walk the earth.
07:48Oh, wow.
07:51I want a Wellington girl.
07:53You have two.
07:53But only a select few.
07:54Who would you want to come from Wellington?
07:56All four of the other Ashleys.
07:57The what?
07:59Don't worry.
08:00Oh!
08:02Is this the Wellington you ordered?
08:04This is the Ashley I ordered.
08:07Oh, my God!
08:09Oh, I cannot believe.
08:11You look pretty.
08:12So do you.
08:13When I first walked in, there was obviously that divide.
08:16Okay.
08:16Well, I was sitting there, but...
08:18Oh, she's picking sides already.
08:20No.
08:20There was no sides.
08:21Wellington's winning.
08:22Great drag queens come from Wellington.
08:25Hi, bitches.
08:27You're not Auckland.
08:28Get on this side.
08:29No, she's Auckland.
08:31That way.
08:31This way.
08:32No, she's not.
08:33She's Auckland now, babe.
08:34So, I've recently moved from Wellington to Auckland.
08:36That's another fairy queen.
08:38Mwah.
08:39I grew up in drag with the Wellington queens and did my family.
08:46You look so skinny.
08:48You look so good.
08:49I love it.
08:49You guys look pedestrian.
08:50What?
08:51We look modern.
08:53Pedestrian.
08:53Modern.
08:54Pedestrian.
08:55How many times have you worn that one there, Madula?
08:57Oh, my God.
08:59Talk to me like that.
09:00Oh, my God.
09:01Oh, my God.
09:04I'm just coming in with my drink and I don't know where to sit.
09:07Go say hello to Wellington.
09:08Hi, guys.
09:09I was inside.
09:10Understood.
09:11Oh, well...
09:12Oh, my God.
09:13Oh, my God.
09:14Oh, bye.
09:16I don't know where I'm meant to sit.
09:17Jesus.
09:18I'm just confused and I don't want to hurt anyone.
09:22Oh, my gosh.
09:23So, you're Team Auckland.
09:25Got it.
09:26When I saw Shev walk in, I knew she was here to slay the party down.
09:31Hello.
09:32Happy to see you.
09:33Hi.
09:34Oh, and is this the Wellington side?
09:36My name's Siobhan.
09:37Lovely to meet you.
09:38We've heard about you.
09:41Sure have.
09:42Siobhan definitely has the worst hair piece.
09:45It does make sense.
09:45Yeah.
09:46Like, she's wearing a pageant gown with, like, a nest.
09:48It'd be like if I wore a mohawk, like, an astronaut suit.
09:51Yeah.
09:54Hi, ladies.
09:56You go away, girl.
09:57No!
09:58I'm here, bitch.
10:00Is this everyone?
10:00Is this everyone?
10:02How quite.
10:13Hello, my darlings, and welcome to House of Drag.
10:18My name's Keita, this is Anita, and we have plucked you from the long white clouds.
10:23Wow.
10:25To be fair, a couple of you are from black holes as well.
10:29We have a lot planned for you, and we are here to tell you that the competition starts now.
10:35Yeah!
10:36Whoa!
10:37Over the next seven weeks, you'll compete in a series of challenges.
10:40Each week, one of you will be scent packing until just one drag star remains, to be crowned the winner
10:46of the House of Drag.
10:48The winner will take home a glittering prize package of $10,000 cash, and, thanks to Chorus, a streaming package
10:55including a 55-inch LG Smart LED TV, and a year's broadband.
11:02Oh, thank you.
11:04And, to kick it off, we have our very first challenge, which is the Glamour Puss Challenge.
11:09Woo!
11:09So, we hope you have dreamed, tucked, and licked those pussies, darling, because we are about to snap the story
11:16of your life.
11:20We're the photo shoot!
11:21Woo!
11:24We've got one of our two rowers' best photographers, and whoever has the best photo wins!
11:29Yeah, come back!
11:31So, tighten their tucking tape, and let's hit it!
11:33Yeah!
11:35Woo!
11:38Woo!
11:39Woo!
11:39Woo!
11:42Woo!
11:44Woo!
11:44Woo!
11:45Woo!
11:46Woo!
11:47Strike a pose, Hugo, we'll direct you!
11:50You're a naughty lion, and you're about to whip him on his bottom.
11:54Ooh, lion!
11:56make love to the camera.
11:58But not to much love because he forgot his tissue.
12:01I feel like a platonic flatmate situation that sometimes you bone on the weekends.
12:05Welcome to my life.
12:09Hi!
12:10Hi, Lele.
12:11Qu lebih young, and план your laugh.
12:12You're trimming star drug, and mä'ing información.
12:140,5,000 father-ank.
12:16Boy!
12:17oh yeah let them hang out that's great you're in the back alleyway and you've
12:22just peed your knickers a bit you want to do a whip your hair and get out of the
12:27ocean moment oh yeah pretend you're in like a carnival and you're one of those
12:32clowns and people are gonna throw their balls in your mouth and you're gonna win
12:35a prize all right strike a pie oh yeah a different part serve those teeth okay oh
12:53yes are those from the two-dollar shop are they just not happy to see anyone maybe
12:58don't show so much give us some like tiger angry fierce jungle pussy
13:05oh yeah I'm actually gonna fly on this again put your teeth back in there you go
13:10you're still in surprisingly Lola Blake oh hi welcome to the photo dungeon yeah I've got
13:19high hopes for you please don't disappoint me oh yes reach for the stars down and out
13:27someone's a bit of a slutty back slap slap oh one-handed
13:32are we flying domestic because I feel I just got a complimentary bag of nuts but suddenly there's a fire
13:37there's an emergency exit
13:39because of your hairspray you're highly flammable so run run to the exit
13:45Oh I think we've got a shot oh yeah
13:50wow don't you look like a tall glass of champagne or a very tall golden tampon
13:56but wait you've just seen the most handsome man of your life throw him some sweet kissy
14:02oh yes
14:04all of a sudden you're five years old and you realize your dress is actually a propeller on a helicopter
14:09and you're flying you're flying you're free you're a tall greek marble statue and your penis has fallen off
14:16oh yeah
14:17hook your legs hook your legs
14:20hello
14:22hello
14:23our double denim disaster
14:26play with your hair Luna
14:28no the other hair on your chest
14:30oh yes grab your top buns
14:34grab one top bun one lower bun
14:36oh yeah
14:37hop on one leg
14:41oh yeah
14:42oh yeah
14:43you're going to K Road
14:45you're walking down K Road
14:46and somebody thinks you're a prostitute what do you do
14:49oh take money
14:51good job Luna
14:53good job Luna
14:54aren't you the bundle of joy Manny?
14:57oh yeah
14:58beautiful
14:59what about getting on your hands and knees like a regular old slag
15:04oh
15:04yes
15:06wiggle your bottom tail and then flip around and show us your ears
15:09oh
15:11hello bunny
15:13oh
15:15yes
15:17oh yes
15:17oh play dirty
15:19you're like a sexy Adele
15:21you've just realized there's a half eaten slice of pepperoni pizza under the couch
15:25reach for it
15:27but all of a sudden you've realized the cookie jar is on top of the shelf
15:30how will you ever get all of the cookies
15:33for a pregnancy shot
15:34yeah
15:36you've got twins they're kicking
15:37you're like a jungle pussy
15:40oh
15:41yes
15:42oh yeah
15:43that's it girl
15:44ah
15:44ah
15:48hey
15:50you've had a good strong pose
15:52that's the one
15:52yeah
15:53you're acting surprised
15:55oh
15:56oh
15:57oh
15:57oh
15:58yes
15:58you want to show the world those underarms
16:00you want to point and say take notice bitches
16:02yeah
16:02i'm a feminist icon
16:03and i'm here to show off my nipples
16:05my underarms
16:06and
16:07my chesticles
16:24hello drag stars and welcome to the observatory
16:28now how is everyone feeling about this week's challenge
16:31fabulous
16:32good
16:33and i'm sure you're gagging to know how you've done
16:35yeah
16:36yes
16:37should we see the best images from this week's show
16:39yes
16:39yes
16:40all right let's bring them up
16:43yay
16:45lady play
16:46you look like the sluttiest smurf in the village
16:49oh yes
16:50i kind of feel you've got your legs put open saying can anyone get whiffs of my blue pubic hair
16:54that's a move
16:55yes
16:57oh
16:58trinity eyes
16:59it's nice to see that you've put the circus tent to good use
17:02i got it off you
17:03i was wondering what had happened to my satin shoes
17:07wow
17:08that's a couple of california kings sewn together in the majority would know
17:15lola
17:16fiery fiery lola blaze
17:18look at that
17:22your face looks pained
17:24i just got a little bit of hair stuck in my toe
17:26you and anita having rendezvous in the bathroom
17:28i don't know
17:29well if you have hair in your mouth it's maybe because you were kissing her back
17:36oh i love this
17:38look at that
17:39now you closed your eyes shavon was that for any particular reason
17:42i was worried about wetting myself in fright
17:45to be fair it kind of looks like you are in bed pee
17:47oh
17:50yeah
17:52oh
17:53luna
17:53luna
17:54luna
17:55do you feel you were getting lower than your morals at this point of the evening
17:58i can go lower
17:59so can your morals
18:02oh
18:03oh
18:04hugo girl
18:06what an absolutely delicious pose hugo
18:09what did you try and bring to it today
18:11germanship
18:11horniness
18:12the usual
18:13oh
18:13well you certainly have me at horniness
18:17oh
18:18bunny
18:19is she at your arse
18:20holiday
18:21that mouth is so open it's like you're waiting for a dick to fly in
18:24she's waiting for it
18:25oh but with a face like that i'm sure you haven't had many
18:30oh
18:32good
18:32oh good
18:34can you talk us through your look darling
18:35so i was going for like very like fat sex symbol
18:39it kind of reminds me of christmas actually because you've got a couple of hands
18:41oh
18:42i'm smuggling a few
18:44oh
18:45wow
18:47supermodel of the world
18:48kill it
18:48that is stunning
18:49i feel like you've got a very strong pose
18:51your strong leg and a extremely strong jawline
18:55thank you i'm a man
18:58no
18:59no
19:00this looks like you have just slept with a man he has left and you realize he gave you monopoly
19:05money
19:06that is gorgeous
19:11congratulations drag stars you have all shone beautifully but there can only be one star that shines the brightest
19:17that's right so if you would please excuse us for one moment while we deliberate
19:21alright shilla
19:22light bulbs
19:24light bulbs
19:25light bulbs
19:26light bulbs
19:26light bulbs
19:26light bulbs
19:27mermaids
19:30we've made our decision
19:32yeah
19:32yeah
19:33yeah
19:33the brightest star of this week's challenge is
19:39medulla omegata
19:45oh my god i won
19:46oh
19:48shocking
19:49you're probably all wondering how someone gets sent home
19:54oh no i hate this
19:55so pretty much what is going to happen is the brightest star of the week who this week as we
19:59know is medulla
20:00i hate you guys
20:00gets to choose
20:01i hate you guys
20:01the bottom two
20:07no this is terrible
20:08that's right so medulla if you would please make your way to the stage of the observatory
20:13no i hate this
20:15oh no i hate this so much
20:17so medulla
20:18it is up to you to choose the bottom two
20:20but know that kidu and i have the ultimate say and we get to choose out of those two who
20:24gets kicked out of the house of drag today
20:27alright
20:27i think to be the most fair
20:30i'm going to have to go eenie meenie many more
20:32what no
20:33no
20:34yes
20:34no no no
20:35no no
20:36no no
20:37i can't do it
20:39i'm just like getting to know some of these people and i'm friends with some of these people
20:44it's too much
20:45we're all in this together and it's hard to pick
20:47it also needs to be noted medulla oblongata that a bright star also has the balls and courage to make
20:54these big decisions
20:55fuck i hate this
20:56it feels like we've been waiting for hours
21:00okay nothing personal i love all of you
21:06but like i picked shaman
21:09why me
21:11what the fuck
21:12what was wrong with my photo
21:15and i picked my name
21:18i'm confused
21:19because i didn't do the worst
21:23all right medulla you have made your decision
21:25oh because they made you do this
21:27please join the rest of your drag stars
21:28i'm so sorry i'm so sorry
21:35unfortunately only one star can continue to shine
21:47i think we've made a decision
21:50and the star that will continue to shine
21:53is
22:00bunny holiday
22:03you can make your way back with your other drag stars
22:06thank you
22:11Siobana Borealis you are absolutely delicious
22:14we have loved having this experience with you
22:17unfortunately your light has been dimmed
22:19we will need to ask you to make your way out of the house of drag
22:24i feel crushed
22:25this was going to be such a massive thing and now it's like a firework that petered out too quickly
22:34you're done so bad
22:34you're done so bad
22:36this is june with you
22:40leave your dresses for me please
22:54all right drag stars now you know how this is going to go down the competition is going to be
22:59fierce
23:00at the end of these seven weeks only one of your stars will continue to shine
23:04on behalf of keitha and myself we can't wait to see what you bring to the table
23:08so on that note go and get yourselves out of drag and let's have some dinner
23:12yes
23:13yeah
23:20she's going the wrong way
23:21oh oh
23:21hey
23:24sheilis
23:25i've got a bone to pick with you
23:28you too
23:29oh
23:36Oh, you're looking a bit moist.
23:39Yes, thanks, girl.
23:43Do you want a hand?
23:47Oh, oh.
23:50Siobhan or Borealis, your star has been dimmed
23:53and your time in the house of drag come to an untimely end.
23:57But before you go, we'd like to give you a bit of advice.
23:59Just remember, whenever ordering cheeseburgers,
24:02always request steamed buns.
24:06Da-da-da-da-da.
24:08Fuck off.
24:12I think there's something fishy about this competition, girls.
24:18It was her.
24:25It feels wrong to be the first out of the house of drag.
24:28I was not the weakest picture today.
24:31This is the end for Siobhan.
24:33Life goes on.
24:34Wigs will dry.
24:36Dresses will be cleaned.
24:37And I'm sure I'm going to spout another cliche
24:39before I end up down the end of the road.