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Interview.With.the.Vampire . S03 - E01
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00:13I'm a little killer. I'm a lonely one. I'm a chicken upper spine telling you to run. I'm a hidden
00:22shadow. I'm the last line. I'm the past and the future, the last of the soldiers, the crew and dead.
00:28Where the rock and roll is. Where the guitar. Where the heart of me love and the fish in the
00:35mud. Where this stupid rain. Bang bang. Bang bang. Bang bang. Bang bang.
00:43Oh, I'll fall down. Burn the ground. Oh, I'll fall down. Burn the ground.
00:58Bang bang. Bang bang. Bang bang. Bang bang. Bang bang.
01:05Hmm. C'est cool.
01:38Good evening. Hello. How's that?
01:41The house wishes to extend its gratitude to the gathering for your compliance with the unorthodox prerequisites of tonight's event.
01:50Furthermore, we wish to reiterate that the anonymity that you have granted us will be given to you individually as
01:57well as to any institutions that you are representing.
02:00Stating the obvious. We are not here and neither are you.
02:07Lot one of two. The master recordings of the complete works of the Vampire Lestat de Leoncore, which includes his
02:152025 self-titled album, The Vampire Lestat, additional session tracks that were discarded in the final assemblage of the album,
02:24original handwritten scores and private recordings by the Vampire Lestat himself, which include a song cycle in the classical vein
02:32set to the poetry of Baudelaire.
02:37Before we begin the bidding, I perform the following action.
02:53We will begin the bidding at one yuan. Do I hear one yuan?
02:59A yuan.
03:03A yuan.
03:04To the gentlewoman, third row, good spirit. Lot number two. A music box curated by the Vampire Lestat himself in
03:161978, Fernando Marchani Corinto sideboard inside a Rosner and Zonn Mott turntable with Bialab 90 speakers.
03:27Two. Temperature controlled wine cabinets. One holding a bottle of Neaport 1863 port wine. The other with a magnum of
03:37blood from the curator himself. The upper level. A singular vinyl pressing of the complete works of the Vampire Lestat
03:47de Leoncore, previously delineated, along with 111 albums of audio best described as an omniscient history of the event.
03:56The events of the 2025 album in supporting TOR and the consequential global catastrophes that sprung from said album and
04:04TOR as narrated by the Vampire Lestat himself. The collection has been named The Failures. We will begin the bidding
04:15at 50 million yuan.
04:19If you are hearing this now, you must be a very privileged individual. You could have fed a small nation
04:26for years while they paved over the rubble.
04:28You bought my box instead. I like you already. So let's begin the medal. For I could and should have
04:37ended it there. My tour. My hedonistic pursuit of extremity. All of it.
04:43And had I done so, the regretful dead and the traumatized still alive would be somewhere other than they are
04:51today. And I am not saying that the attempted extinction of the Y chromosome across the continents was all my
04:57fault. Now that would suggest a level of self-importance even I'm not comfortable with.
05:02But upon reflection, I made a contribution. It was the spring of 2025. A good nation was making itself great
05:13again. Again.
05:17And every vampire, those converting and those enduring, well, they were doing exactly as they pleased.
05:32And every vampire, those fulfilling and the wild poco of the world.
05:38Oh, oh, oh, oh.
05:45Oh, oh.
05:59Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, oh, ah
06:04Ooh, ooh, ooh, ah, ah
06:10Why the long face, my pretty baby?
06:15I've got long face come up reason
06:18Remember the long stage that doesn't faze me?
06:26I'm an actor in my maker
06:30I get fatter when we break her
06:34What does it matter who I take her?
06:39Naturally I named the band after myself
06:42And the four that backed me played their parts as instructed
06:46There was Larry, the front man, made sideman
06:49Choking his guitar neck nightly, wishing it was mine
06:52Brother Alex, the more talented seedling
06:56Straight-edged in half the fun
06:58Salamander, bassist, dumb
07:01Shockingly dumb
07:03And TC, the abandoned bride of a dozen should have died in art school bands
07:08Keeping us all in the dirty pocket
07:11We dropped songs on the streams and booked intimate venues
07:15To induce what Jen's snooze called FOMO
07:18They came for cosplay left converted
07:20And I baptized them, the beautiful unwell
07:23And yet, here we were
07:25In the inn of the stooges and the stripes
07:28Thirty performances notched and already resting on the alps of adequacy
07:33Unacceptable
07:34So, you're not a doctor
07:35And the piano
07:36And your forte
07:38And your forte
07:39And your alegre
07:40And your alegre
07:41And I'm a dante
07:42And the valet
07:44And the prostituous
07:48Oohh
07:51Oohh
07:52Oh, oohh
07:52ooohh
07:52Oohh
07:53Ahh
07:53Ahh
07:57I'm a dante
07:58Hello.
07:59Welcome to Detroit.
08:01Lovely city.
08:03Your song sucks.
08:04Thank you for the feedback.
08:28Oh, oh, oh.
08:32Oh, yeah, we're coming.
08:39Oh, yeah, we're coming.
08:40Oh yeah, I'm coming
08:42Oh yeah, I'm coming
08:46Yeah, I'm coming
08:48Yeah, I'm coming
08:50Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh
09:04Well, that was boring
09:05Do you seem to like it?
09:06Harmony's on Plastic Fiends were trash
09:08He's right
09:09And the front head on your kick is shimmering, turn it up a step
09:11Singer's right
09:12You left your tambourine in his stand, Larry
09:15Yeah, I was feeling the guitar
09:16No one is coming to hear your guitar, Larry
09:18No, they come for the Aussie shit
09:20Do rage call the harmony room, Larry Slater shredding it tonight and no one ever
09:25You sign the checks, sir
09:26I do, I do sign the checks
09:27Sign this
09:28The tambourine tomorrow is rehearsed and perfected
09:31Suck it, sir
09:32What am I saying?
09:32You're not in Corvallis
09:33You're crying the wife early retirement and her lawyer a lake boat
09:36Who's the pen?
09:37But it's funny because it's blood and I'm a vampire
09:40Notaries in Oregon don't notarize in red ink
09:43There's the band and there's the shell that protects the band from the world's envy
09:48Our band shell was Christine Clare
09:51She hired, fired, dictated and castrated with extreme prejudice
09:58Try your best not to be you tonight
09:59We want the car
10:00No
10:01We'll be good
10:02Corvallis
10:04What do you think?
10:05I'm a little
10:07I'm a little
10:07I'm a little
10:08All right, Slats, I have to go
10:10I'm going into my vampire dressing room now
10:14A little draining both ways
10:16You'll have to guess who gets the fangs and who gets the vodka bottle
10:20And yes, it's a vodka bottle
10:23He did it again
10:26Did I mention that I was filming a documentary at the time?
10:30A bootless Aaron helmed by a first-time director.
10:33I've seen a rough cut.
10:35Truthful and daring, with less war and biggie.
10:37Anyone see Yarda?
10:39Yarda, Skyburn, what ours?
10:44Missing a contact again.
10:46Oh, so good.
10:47How many drinks have you had?
10:49One and a half.
10:51Drive to the Burbs, sit by yourself in a booth at Applebee's,
10:53order the usual, big tip, meet us back in the city.
10:56Now, you'd think a 54-city rock tour would be a wonderful cover for a blood drinker.
11:01Hide your keel up on the bus, wave to the morgue reports in the rearview mirror,
11:05that kind of thing.
11:06But niche celebrity is a hunter's handicap,
11:09and a sloppy night in Corvallis made urgent the need for a body double.
11:13His name was Yarda Klapek,
11:15and the Albanian gangsters Christine hired to find my doppelganger
11:19found him working construction in the Czech Republic.
11:21Three inches shorter than your velvet mouth, narrator.
11:25We fit him for lifts, blue eye contacts, and a wig.
11:29And otherwise, let him be Neanderthal me.
11:32I hunted this way, and we sent him that way.
11:34And every sad photograph uploaded to reddit or discord
11:37of Yarda eating up tuna melt by himself
11:40only confirmed, for most, what they already believed.
11:44Let's go!
11:45That I, the Vampire Lestat, was Daniel Malloy's fictitious creation.
11:50And the Vampire Lestat, the band,
11:52was fronted by a brick-laying karaoke phonetic from Ostrova.
11:56Nothing but a desperate cash grab at the end of a chuggy vampire fad.
12:00And I've only myself to blame for the timing,
12:02having locked us in an attic for a year plus,
12:04perfecting our sound.
12:06The sound, I hope, would counter Mr. Dulac's portrayal of me
12:09as a mayonnaise villain with sociopathic tendencies.
12:13I'll beside the point, because the point was,
12:16the point forever is...
12:18I know you're real!
12:19Most of humanity moved on from vampires.
12:22And rather quickly.
12:23Congratulations.
12:25Now go make friends.
12:27They lifted their heads from their algorithmic handmasters,
12:31uttered a collective,
12:32and swipe left.
12:35I am the Vampire Lestat.
12:38I am a god.
12:40Gods are not swiped.
12:44The Contessa!
12:45The useful idiot!
12:47Great show!
12:50You left before we started.
12:52Yeah, I figured.
12:52Spotify some T-Rex and drag a little oneg from Dr. Fareedgood here.
12:56Same, Tiff.
12:57I am not here.
12:59Can we mic you?
13:00TC punched the boom again.
13:02Yeah, okay.
13:08So, uh, you and Louie talking again?
13:12He doesn't return my texts.
13:15Or my telepathy.
13:18I hear he's back in the States.
13:22We good?
13:23We're good.
13:24It's late.
13:26Okay.
13:30You've been alive and undead for 265 years.
13:33You witness the French Revolution firsthand, the electric light, penicillin, two world wars, the atomic bomb, the moon landing, the
13:42Berlin Wall...
13:44What?
13:45He eats hot dogs for a living.
13:46He's extraordinary.
13:47I hope to meet him one day.
13:48Was there a question?
13:49Having accumulated profound wisdom and experience through the dark gift of immortality,
13:54why have you chosen to waste at singing music no one wants to hear in pants no one should ever
14:00squeeze into?
14:01You ask this question every night.
14:03And I get a different answer every night.
14:04You get me to repeat myself soon enough.
14:06I am sure once you confront your transformational trauma.
14:08I don't have transformational trauma.
14:11Mmm, that's why these movie producers hired you, Danny Malloy, Vampire Slayer.
14:16They said you requested me.
14:18Absurd.
14:19Oh, as absurd as a documentary about a rock band posing as vampires, fronted by an actual vampire.
14:26Directed by a vampire passing as a human.
14:28You tell him for me.
14:30Is it true you were a stutterer as a child?
14:34Louis said you were.
14:41Was he there in 18th century Auvers?
14:43He said you told him that.
14:44Did I threaten Claudia with rape on a train?
14:46Was I in the room when Donizetti wrote Don Pasquale?
14:51No, no, and impossible because I had buried myself underground for the vast majority of the 1800s.
14:58I wrote what he told me.
14:59I don't have trauma.
15:01I love being a vampire.
15:03And can you drop the fledgling speak and spell?
15:12The dark, dreary, industrial world has finally submitted to automation.
15:20Laborers stand in their doorways hitting their pipes as their children half-pipe in their drained, empty swimming pools.
15:29Drugstores locked up baby formula and shaving cream while Saks ate Barneys and someone told everyone that Lululemon was sexy.
15:47And the value of human life, it has never been more arbitrary.
15:54David, David, David, David, Prince Rogers, they're all gone.
15:59And the lights on Tay-Tay-Tay's ears had dimmed.
16:03Fire coming down the hill.
16:06Water moving in on Nantucket.
16:08Pat, no more safe spaces.
16:13No more safe spaces.
16:28How is it, your era?
16:32I'm vain and shallow and pure an empty seat.
16:35Ask me an easy one.
16:38Is it true your band was formed on Halloween?
16:47You were listening to The Failures.
16:51Album two, side B.
16:58Da da da, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
17:03da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
17:03da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
17:03da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
17:05da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
17:08da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
17:08da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
17:08da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
17:17da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
17:17da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
17:18da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
17:21da da
17:21It's nice. I don't see Beyoncé covering it, but it's nice.
17:27Nice is nothing.
17:28It's nice.
17:29Nice is a balloon.
17:30It's your back right music.
17:31A flower box is nice.
17:32It's nice.
17:33You got yourself a nice place.
17:35It's a nice word, and it says everything I want it to express.
17:39Don't be a bitch about it.
17:42You should come visit.
17:44I have a space above the bed in one of the guest rooms.
17:47I can't find a painting for her.
17:49Oh, a guest room.
17:51You want me to come and see your guest room?
17:53It's an affluent neighborhood.
17:55Old money, young professionals, a smattering of Christe Trostevant, baby.
18:00Good eating.
18:04Same potholes, but no hurricanes, no witches.
18:09Everyone mangles French just like you do.
18:13Come to me.
18:14Montreal.
18:16I am he, and he is me.
18:19That's baggage here.
18:21I get it.
18:22I get it.
18:24Besides, there's an Olmstead Park nearby if I get homesick, and there's a garage band rehearsing
18:31across the street who call themselves, of all things, Satan.
18:37They call themselves, of all things, Satan?
18:40Satan's night out.
18:42Satan's night out?
18:43Out.
18:44Satan's night out.
18:45Okay.
18:46Makes sense.
18:46Louie, do you know someone called Daniel Molloy?
18:52Uh...
18:52I burned his laptop!
18:54I didn't know he had it saved in the cloud.
18:56I only found out it was coming out a month ago.
18:58You've known for a month, and you talk about me and it to a mortal?
19:01Well, yeah.
19:01Uh, yeah.
19:02Gonna...
19:03But, you know?
19:04No, I don't know, Louie.
19:06Please, explain yourself.
19:08It's gonna be here and gone in a minute.
19:10No one reads anymore.
19:11The stade, he is genre, whatever.
19:14100%.
19:14But, Armand, he is genre, mysterious.
19:17Yeah, there are layers.
19:19You're the same thing, Louvre.
19:21Hey, all the boomers did the field to go see the other boss farm with St. Resting Betrace.
19:26I skipped all that, and I was going to help you to see my beta boy in the corner of
19:30the room.
19:30Hmm.
19:32I'll do it.
19:34You have to do it.
19:36You have to do it.
19:37I'll kill it.
19:38I'll kill it.
19:39I'll kill it.
19:39You have to do it.
19:40And I'll kill it.
19:44I'll kill it.
19:45The stade, man.
19:47He's going to burn the French ones on the street.
19:50100%.
19:50How many wildsleeves are there?
19:53Do you want to become a member?
19:55There's 10% of them.
19:55No, thank you!
20:01Huh.
20:04I know what infinitesimal means.
20:08It was raining.
20:10No!
20:11No!
20:12No!
20:18I'm not a harlequin.
20:20Your sources are your sharpens.
20:23Your editor is your priest.
20:26Don't go to the app.
20:28Jesus out.
20:29Why must you complicate it?
20:34Oh.
20:40Oh!
20:42Oh!
20:42Oh!
20:44Oh!
20:46Oh!
20:49Your camera is not period correct.
20:53I have a peanut allergy.
20:54Well, allergies are delusional.
20:57Take the mounts.
20:58You'll take whatever I give you.
21:19I have a peanut allergy.
21:53Get up, what the fuck?
21:54D. Minor. Trash.
22:00This is in 1979.
22:02Bela Lugosi is not dead.
22:04You don't need to finger her for five bars.
22:07You're hurting her.
22:09Is that her neighbor?
22:12Apologies for the squire.
22:14My man, Arturo, will come in the morning with a replacement and a new front door.
22:21More frequent showers?
22:28What was the question again?
22:30Why music?
22:32Hey, hey!
22:34Why now?
22:36Dude, that was sick.
22:37What are we doing here?
22:41We're doing a rewrite.
22:43So this whole tour is just some ironic reaction to my book.
22:49Who better to refute the book than the man who wrote the book?
22:54The songs are my story.
22:56Your documentary, The Liner Notes.
22:58Liner Notes?
22:59I won two Pulitzers.
23:01I'm taking this thing to Cannes.
23:03Okay?
23:04I'm going to be slapping Chris Rock and stroking my Oscar.
23:08The Brat sings, The Brat dies.
23:11The Great Laws are clear on this.
23:12I love the songs.
23:14More exposure for us.
23:16More risk for us.
23:17I don't have any problems in their songs.
23:19The song is for them.
23:21He sings for himself.
23:23Make more.
23:26Only a coven leader can make more.
23:28The Great Laws are clear on that.
23:30First the book, now the singer.
23:33This is chaos.
23:34Unpained.
23:34I'm going to share it.
23:36If he comes to your people, he'll die.
23:40While the little hearts will flourish, you won't get a confession, you used to find.
24:08What?
24:15I'm sorry.
24:44I don't know what to do, but I don't know what to do.
26:55Pick up the fucking tambourine!
26:58From the Alps of Adequacy to the Canyon of Coudetat, two nights in a row, my violin competing
27:06with his guitar for the solo break, two centuries waiting to share my music, two years as Mr.
27:13Dulac's B-movie, Brute.
27:16But just as I was about to bridge the bridge with murder and mayhem, something quite surprising
27:23happened.
27:23My music wrapped itself around me like a jungle snake constricting its prey, and a lifetime
27:32of blood-bartering overwhelmed the temporal lobe.
27:37Muses appeared in my mind and in the now around me, memories taking their turn.
27:48Blood in, blood out, hammering away at the performative vampire persona I had welded into armor.
28:03The armor cracked, the bridge buckled, and the bonafide vampire emerged center stage.
28:15It was I who had been adequate.
28:19It was I who had been holding us back.
28:24And now, exposed in the roar, under the white-hot lights, my bandmates began to feed.
28:35And that sound I had been grinding them for was finally unleashed.
28:41A euphoric grudiness spilling into the crowd, into their bodies, enveloping the venue.
29:28Which one of you is OD'd before?
29:31What do you do?
29:33What did she take?
29:35Not her.
29:37Me.
29:38Get her on the ground.
29:39My blood, ecstasy, LSD.
29:46What's the hell happening up there?
29:51What the hell were you doing?
29:53I should have quit right there and then.
29:56Would have been a lovely footnote to my life, the band.
30:00But the muses were just beginning.
30:04You done this to me?
30:06What are you doing?
30:08I lost myself on stage for a moment.
30:12Seems you still lost.
30:15This song's gonna kill you.
30:17You know that, don't you?
30:18I can't die.
30:20Everything dies.
30:22You die.
30:23I die.
30:24She dies.
30:26She dies.
30:27Though he dies bad.
30:32I'm immortal.
30:33Yeah, you kill some wolves and fall in love.
30:36Get the gift.
30:37Fall in love.
30:38Go to ground.
30:39Get dug up and fall in love.
30:41You like some wet clothes and a coin-op dryer.
30:43Just 265 years round and round.
30:47Why are you so sad?
30:50Thousands of fans loving you.
30:52I want millions.
30:54And that'll top off that heart of yours.
30:59Billions.
31:00Then why you always gotta make it so hard for someone to give it to you?
31:05Huh?
31:07Who told you that?
31:08Don't worry.
31:10They coming.
31:12Who's coming?
31:13Oh, they gonna tell you themselves.
31:17Who's coming?
31:18Great show, didn't it?
31:19Who?
31:24You are listening to The Failures.
31:27Album 5, Side B.
31:29If you take nothing else away from your exorbitant purchase, heed this advice.
31:35Never play two nights in Detroit.
31:38You'll wind up in Windsor with a broken orbital bone listening to transactional sex through the adjoining walls.
31:45How I came to this squalid real estate is the premise of Side B album 5, so...
31:53Come.
31:55Now, the boutique hotel we were staying at was having a grandish opening that night,
32:00and the band was asked to lend its celebrity status to the event.
32:03Don't tell me to pose.
32:05Fuck you!
32:06There was a red carpet, a pap line, and a vampire DJ of some renown,
32:10seducing corporate employees, provincial influencers, and party crashing beautifully unwell.
32:17I was having sex in an elevator with Dee and the girl I had just overindulged myself with early in
32:23the night.
32:24Actually, that happens... later.
32:27A lot of things happened that night.
32:30Come on!
32:34The band is inside with Dan and a VIP perch.
32:39I'm giving the paps my pussycat with no idea that I would be in a fang fight less than an
32:44hour later.
32:45No, no, no, no.
32:47I'm getting ahead of myself again.
32:49I arrive fashionably late, of course.
32:52State your name for the camera.
32:54Baby Jinx.
32:54Okay, baby.
32:56Tell me.
32:57Why do you like the vampire Lestat?
32:59Like I'm gonna be in the movie?
33:01Oh, you're in it now.
33:02I am feeling good.
33:06Surfing the sublime candy-flipped wave of the girl's blood.
33:09Hear him.
33:10Hear that voice.
33:12The girl is feeling good.
33:13Wow.
33:14Riding the wonders of Dr. Fareed's blood transfusion quick pick-me-up cocktail.
33:19Who is this guy?
33:20Cause like, rock and roll, it's dying.
33:22I sat there, soaking up her praise, along with the band.
33:26Still somehow blind to the vampiric mysteries of their front man.
33:30So what if the dead and buried past was now a fresh and eager groupie?
33:34It's rock and roll, you know?
33:36Have a nervous breakdown on stage.
33:38Chatted up with the floating girl on the ceiling you almost killed.
33:41Have sex with her in the elevator.
33:43Ah, I'm still not there yet.
33:46MDMA and LST.
33:48The Torval and Dean of hallucinogenics.
33:50And so then everybody's like, is rock and roll actually dying?
33:53Were you a stutterer as a child?
33:56They walk into the ER.
33:58They are like, the doctor.
34:00Unless that's the scalpel.
34:02I'm the scalpel printed t-shirts.
34:05And so he, the scalpel, cuts into rock and roll's heart.
34:10Like he cut into mine tonight.
34:12And he has the heart in his mouth.
34:15He's like, do you wanna fuck?
34:19And rock and roll is like, yes, bitch!
34:22I excuse myself to the men's room.
34:25Didn't read about vampire physiology in Mr. Dulac's memoir, did you?
34:29No mention of the scars on my chest either.
34:32Hair stopping way above my shoulders.
34:35And just for the record, no ticket pocket of mine ever had his initials inscribed onto them.
34:39I mean, these are the editorial wags of an insane person.
34:44Note to self-edit that out in the final version.
34:48Starting again.
34:49Vampires pee.
34:50We don't do it as often as you do.
34:52Assuming you're not one of us.
34:54And we generally avoid eco-friendly urinals.
35:07Detroit.
35:25The name's Tim.
35:28She's Russ.
35:29They're.
35:30Russ.
35:32Pronouns.
35:34And yet it's respectful, like silence at a urinal.
35:39He's got a bit, uh, crossed when we were minding each other the other night.
35:44Russ here has a hot mouth.
35:47And a strong pelvic floor.
35:50I admire your aim.
35:52Hm.
35:53Long face sucks.
35:55Russ.
35:56Wanted to apologize.
35:58What?
35:59Black licorice?
36:01Why do I have to feel?
36:04Hm.
36:05I like those ones.
36:07Frankly, Mr. Shankly almost ruined the Queen's dead.
36:10I apologize.
36:11Accept it.
36:13We have a coven out here in the joint.
36:16Do you?
36:17The Fang Gang.
36:18You want to see a real vampire bar?
36:20Come with us.
36:21We have a huge house out past Brackmore.
36:24Our own farm under the floorboards.
36:27Hm, sure.
36:28What about tomorrow night?
36:30You're on the road tomorrow night.
36:32Yes.
36:33It was me being polite.
36:35No.
36:36That was you lying.
36:38Hm.
36:39Eco-friendly urinals.
36:40Good for the planet, so we're told.
36:43Good for vampires.
36:45Hm.
36:46We chardonnay them.
36:47Hm.
36:52And then there's regional vampires.
36:55Always trying to make a name for themselves.
36:59I chardonnay them, too.
37:01Obligations, I'm afraid.
37:02But please do send my most sincere bonjour to your bright maurice cavern.
37:11Lilac.
37:26I have a blind spot when it comes to blood poisoning.
37:30Then you'd think a vampire of my stature would know better.
37:33But then there's that old saying.
37:35You fool me once, shame on me.
37:36You fool me twice.
37:37MDMA and LSD are excellent drugs.
37:41Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce.
37:43Twirl.
37:44Twirl.
37:46Overshare.
37:47I saw your soul.
37:48I saw yours, too.
37:54Still feeling good.
37:56I went looking for my band.
37:58Looking for sex.
37:59Looking for anything that radiated the fun that I sang about in my songs.
38:03Long.
38:03Long face.
38:05And then...
38:08Regionals.
38:10Wait, did you say that long face sucked?
38:12Long face sucks.
38:14Does it suck?
38:15I wondered.
38:16Did you have a point?
38:18And then I thought...
38:20Ooh.
38:21They want a little scrap with a scalpel.
38:24No worries.
38:25I thought I had the Queen's blood in me.
38:26I could take 20 regionals at once with the Queen's blood.
38:30Where's the band then?
38:34They called corporate bullshit.
38:37Went to party.
38:40Upstairs.
38:41So I'm scoring dick pills in Mogadishu for a UN peacekeeper.
38:45When in walks Stuart Copeland wearing a kufi and a mouthful of ammo.
38:50So I thought about having sex with Christine.
38:53And then I thought...
38:54It's all the way upstairs.
38:56And then I thought...
38:57I'm the scalpel.
38:58What does the scalpel do between here and upstairs?
39:04Mr. Delac's memoir tiptoed around vampire sex, didn't it?
39:09He and Dan made it out to be this tortured act or obligational foreplay before blood drinking.
39:15That is not the case at all.
39:18It's not the capstone of empiric desires.
39:20That would be the taking of life.
39:22And next would be a good draining, leaving your victim near death unparalyzed for an unhurried escape.
39:27And after that, there's the petticoot, the little drink, the sip.
39:32And after those three, it's sex.
39:35So now you know.
39:36The fourth best thing a vampire can do to avoid thinking about the past is to have sex.
39:42Sex.
39:43And I have had a lot of sex over the years.
39:46It's not all pain and toxicity.
39:48I have an immortal life and I carry with it an immortal erection and I am not ashamed of it.
39:53Sex is fun.
39:55Like the fun I sing about in Long Face, which, looking back on it now, does suck.
40:01I still have residuals coming in, actually.
40:05Carnal pleasure is essential to a vampire survival.
40:09If only to keep time's baggage from burying you.
40:14Sex with the bellman and Dee and honey trapping baby Jenks.
40:19Probably should have gotten off the seventh floor when I had gotten off.
40:25But I didn't.
40:29I'm getting married in a week.
40:31I'll never forget you.
40:40Law 4.
40:42No vampire shall ever reveal his or her true nature to a mortal.
40:46And let the mortal live.
40:48You do know it's 2025.
40:53Praise the world, my dear. You'll not want to see this.
40:59The tooth team.
41:01The Fang gang.
41:06I killed a pack of wolves when I was immortal.
41:09I'll most likely tell you about that later as I let it define me for a time.
41:13A normally confining architecture and a thrift store coven galvanized by medieval dogma wouldn't faze me in the least.
41:20I'm building a career that supports my well-being.
41:23But...
41:24The drug blood in my sex legs and the distracting past my music had unleashed on me put me at
41:30a momentary disadvantage.
41:32I'm in charge of my work-life balance.
41:35Law 4.
41:35As if the Dulac Malloy memoir hadn't outed us all two years ago.
41:39As if my entire stage show wasn't a bawdy burlesque of is here, isn't he?
41:45As if half the vampire population outside the ruined pool of Detroit wasn't waving the dark gif like red cups
41:52in a piss bar.
41:53Collecting fledglings like they were the bubadobs.
41:56I mean I haven't even told my band I was an actual vampire.
42:00I was just singing my songs and fucking my food and defending myself from the vibrant life choices I had
42:05made on my way from the Auvergne countryside to the 8th floor of this why bother hotel.
42:10And this is how it was all going to end for me.
42:12We are the fang gang.
42:15We are the children of the darkness reborn.
42:19Jesus fucking God.
42:23Our mom told the truth if you met him.
42:26What the fuck does that even mean?
42:29I heard there was an after party on the asshole floor.
42:32I like to think I was owed the reinforcements.
42:35Dan and the oddly familiar DJ.
42:39But that's me looking back on it now.
42:41Anything I had done to deserve their timely rescue hadn't happened yet.
42:45I'd be dead I think without Dan.
42:48But then maybe more of the world would still be alive had Dan not rallied his army downstairs.
42:55Consider this sliding door of Dan.
42:58As you decant my blood and devour my words.
43:14It's hard hiding you're a god.
43:17You're for real?
43:18CCTV, eco flush toilets.
43:20IMF freezing your accounts because you have the blood of a patricidal queen inside you.
43:25Hello again.
43:28We have to live off here.
43:30Telemasker dragged me into that.
43:32And once you reveal yourself you have to be on all the time.
43:36And remember every face you've ever met.
43:38And everywhere you go everyone remembers the thing they said to you in the room that you shared.
43:44Were you a stutterer as a child?
43:49This is why gods prefer hiding in the clouds.
43:52There's nothing there.
43:55But water waiting to fall.
44:04So many opportunities to call it a night that night.
44:09After the song unleashed the muses.
44:13After I saw my first soul.
44:16After I was nearly decapitated in a boutique hotel hallway.
44:21After my vampire nature was revealed to the band and my vampire gift winged me away north of the rivers
44:29off of the country.
44:33But I was saved from such rational thought.
44:37But love will do that to you.
44:40Love will do that to you.
44:40Love will do that to you.
44:54Tell me.
44:57My dear.
45:01Very kind of you decap.
45:08Mother.
45:10I have to die for my first friend.
45:10This oven is something I can't get out of.
45:15Music's opened up the batch oven,
45:17and I'm not sure if I can close it again.
45:24I'm not really at my best, but...
45:32It's very nice to see you again.
45:38I like what you've done with your hair, Mike.
45:43Mike.
45:52My...
45:53Gabriel.
45:56It's not much of a reveal, I guess.
45:59I know it's common gossip now.
46:02The first thing one thinks about when my name comes up.
46:06I assume a privileged individual such as yourself enjoys a little dirt in their sandwich.
46:14So I serve it to you now.
46:17How it felt then.
46:21Fledgling.
46:24Lover.
46:27Mother.
46:30Listen to tracks from the Vampire List ad wherever you stream music.
46:35If you're still listening after the last hour, welcome back.
46:40So bring on the music.
46:42Give me a million more screams.
46:44Do you kill people?
46:47Give me a million more screams.
46:51Let's talk about your mother.
46:53I've been a bad boy.
46:55Did that in my heart.
46:56My maker called for his mama and I came.
46:59Give me a million more screams.
47:05You are caught in great danger with the stuff.
47:08You stole my personal position.
47:10You hired my biographer.
47:13The songs are not about you.
47:20Shall we do it?
47:21Shall we scorch the mortal world?
47:27What do you think about the great conversion?
47:29Fucking stupid.
47:30I, I, I, I, I, I, I want to say a man.
47:34In a violent crash.
47:35Only a bit of an episode.
47:35It's acontecer.
47:35It's not my haste.
47:35If one could change the price of the apocalypseップ.
47:35Add it
47:35down to a demon. So do
47:35you, you want
47:36do it. You can climb
47:36tighten your throat. Your
47:36door. No.
47:36Elleera be
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