- 2 days ago
Hacks. S05 - E03
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:13Oh, God, I think I've got an ace in the hole.
00:16Okay, well, it's not exactly the most practical ensemble.
00:19Practical doesn't get you press.
00:21I need something that gives Madison Square Garden headliner
00:24and also timeless, humble sex icon.
00:26Hmm, I always wondered what Machiavelli would have been like
00:29if he'd been warped by boomer misogyny.
00:32Ladies and gentlemen, Nico Hayes,
00:36the Palmetto's newest artist in residence.
00:43I know it's, like, obvious to say
00:45that an international rock star is hot,
00:46but, like, he's hot.
00:48Deborah? Hi. Would you like to do the carpet?
00:51Oh, me?
00:53I'm kind of shy, but sure, I'll try it.
00:56No bro boys, no new friends.
00:58I'm not sure, give me my sense.
01:00Ain't no love, ain't no shade,
01:02but call me that you know he paid.
01:04It's so good, it takes no sense.
01:05Bad at you to my bad-ass friends.
01:07No bro boys, ain't no shade,
01:09but call me that you know he paid.
01:11No bro boys.
01:15How are you feeling about Marty's wedding?
01:17Oh.
01:18Oh, it's kind of like a colonoscopy.
01:20They happen every five years,
01:21they're a pain in the ass,
01:22but I'm passed out for most of it.
01:24Deborah. Hi.
01:25Lookin' aces.
01:27Hi.
01:28Oh my gosh, we were just talking about your big day.
01:30Ah, yeah.
01:31Well, Victoria wanted to keep it small,
01:32but I said, baby, this might be my last one.
01:36Let's blow it out.
01:37Might.
01:38Oh, nothing says love like a subjunctive bird.
01:42Congratulations on your show at Madison Square Garden.
01:45Oh, thank you.
01:46I miss New York, to be young again.
01:50I just can't picture you young.
01:52Oh.
01:53So sorry.
01:54I have to go say bonjour to the mini cheeseburgers.
01:57I'll see you guys.
01:58She calls the mini because that way it seems normal
02:00when she's five.
02:03Oh.
02:05Sorry, you can have it.
02:07Oh.
02:07Yeah, totally.
02:09Really appreciate it.
02:10I live with a woman who doesn't believe
02:12in having snacks in the house,
02:13so needed this.
02:14You got it.
02:15I love the tie.
02:16Very cool.
02:18Um, I got it at the men's section of the Ross Dress for Less
02:21on the strip.
02:22Oh, never been.
02:23Oh, you must go.
02:24Okay.
02:25I'll check it out.
02:26Um, you might want to avert your eyes.
02:28I'm going to eat this really fast.
02:30I kind of want to watch.
02:31Okay, freak.
02:35Oh, my God.
02:36You think they'll let me play blackjack in this thing?
02:38Oh, Deborah.
02:40Yes.
02:40Do they stress?
02:42Marty, no scotch?
02:43No, I need to stay sharp for these young VC guys who just bought the Palmetto Group.
02:47They're obsessed with hitting their macros and biohacking.
02:51There's so many new terms for eating disorders these days.
02:54Literally.
02:54So what are they like?
02:56Young.
02:57Great guys.
02:58They're, uh, what do they call it?
03:00Strategically editing.
03:02Meaning they're offloading properties like the Paradiso downtown.
03:06What?
03:06No, that casino's legendary.
03:08My grandma lost her retirement there.
03:10I mean, it should be protected as a historical landmark.
03:12I agree.
03:13But it's above my pay grade now.
03:16Okay.
03:16They're coming this way.
03:17I gotta go.
03:18Marcus, what's a cool app I can bring up?
03:20Um, Chase Mobile Banking.
03:23Okay.
03:24Hi, Deborah.
03:25Nico is a huge fan.
03:27He's wondering if you have a moment to meet him.
03:29Oh, certainly.
03:30Okay, right.
03:30Excuse me.
03:31Excuse me, fellas.
03:34I almost wore that.
03:35So, first she dates Jim Carrey in the mask, green.
03:39And then Fiona's dating Shred Green.
03:41I'm going, what is happening here?
03:43Are you saying that Cameron Diaz has a green guy fetish?
03:45I'm not saying she has a fetish.
03:46But I'm saying if it happens again, then something's afoot.
03:49Isn't she in the green hornets?
03:51Oh, my God.
03:52Oh, my God.
03:52This goes all the way to the top.
03:55Sorry, have a sec.
03:56Um, oh.
03:58No, I have to go.
03:59Oh.
04:00Sorry.
04:02It was nice meeting you.
04:03You too, yeah.
04:05Yeah.
04:05See ya.
04:06Uh, okay.
04:07I'm sorry.
04:08Um, I think you're really cute.
04:11Do you want to get a drink sometime?
04:13Yeah.
04:14Yeah.
04:14Yeah.
04:16Said it enough times.
04:17Yes.
04:18Okay.
04:18But I feel like I need to be up front with you because it's been kind of an issue in
04:24the
04:24past with dating.
04:25Um, I'm a sex worker.
04:29That is awesome.
04:30Really?
04:31Yeah.
04:32Really.
04:32That is totally rocking.
04:34For sure.
04:34Oh, my God.
04:35I've been saying sex workers work forever.
04:37I wasn't the first one to say it, but I was definitely in the first thousand.
04:40Okay.
04:41Then.
04:42Cool.
04:42Cool.
04:43Yeah.
04:43Um, do you want to?
04:44Yeah, yeah.
04:45I'll put my number in.
04:47Oh, and, um, I should be up front with you as well.
04:51I am a comedy writer, and that has been an issue for me when it comes to dating, just
04:55because we can be annoying.
04:58Damn.
04:59So, you're almost perfect.
05:01I'm excited to meet you right this way.
05:04Nico, this is Deborah.
05:06Deborah, Nico.
05:08Hi.
05:08It is so nice to meet you.
05:10I've been a huge fan since you did that.
05:11Oh, please.
05:12If you're gonna name an event that happened after 1990, don't finish that sentence.
05:15Fair enough.
05:16But it's nice to meet someone who I admire so much in person.
05:20Well, it's nice to meet a fellow Lancome ambassador.
05:23And congratulations on your residency.
05:27You know, I wouldn't be doing any of this if it wasn't for you.
05:29Oh, come on.
05:30Seriously.
05:31Before you did a residency, Vegas was just magicians and acrobats.
05:35You made it cool.
05:36For artists.
05:39Yeah, and then my...
05:40Oh, don't say history.
05:42Icons.
05:47Welcome to Vegas.
05:49Peace.
05:50Can we get a picture?
05:51Yeah.
06:02Change disassociating to reclining elegantly and change sweatpants to cashmere slacks.
06:09Okay, so in Singapore you were so depressed you were reclining elegantly in cashmere slacks?
06:14Yeah.
06:15That's how I remember it.
06:16Me too.
06:17Oh, great.
06:18It's Jimmy.
06:19Hello, hello.
06:20Hello.
06:20So I got a very interesting request.
06:23Nico Hayes' publicist called and said that Nico would love to take you out to dinner.
06:28Oh.
06:28Yeah, there are photos of you guys from last night that are breaking the internet.
06:31I mean, not literally.
06:33Though, my Wi-Fi is slow today.
06:36Anyway, there's already a hashtag.
06:37People are calling you guys Nicara.
06:39Hmm.
06:39How interesting.
06:40I do want to flag that I'm not pressuring you in any way into any sort of sexual situation.
06:46It's very important to me that you have your own private, intimate, sensual life and that I have no influence
06:51over that.
06:51And as a matter of safety, I am recording this conversation.
06:54Jimmy, he's not asking me out on a real date.
06:57He's just trying to get attention for his new residency.
06:59It's a PR stunt date.
07:01I'm very shrewd of him.
07:02And since I'm still bound and gagged, I need all the free publicity I can get.
07:06So, yeah, tell her I'm in.
07:07Okay, great.
07:08You two can talk shop, performer to performer.
07:11You know what I always say, stars, they're just like each other.
07:14Oh, while I have you, do you want to be a guest on a Xena Rewatch podcast?
07:19I have a fake date.
07:20I know.
07:21You take every call on speakerphone directly next to your head.
07:29With these beings removed, this ceiling just opens up.
07:33Smells like dust.
07:34You know, I hate it when you say we're going to the gym and then you just bring me on
07:37a tour of some old-ass building.
07:39Oh, I've only done that three times.
07:40Besides, this is different.
07:41They're going to tear down one of the only historic casinos left in Vegas.
07:44I mean, with a little work, this could be such a cool space for people who want to stay somewhere
07:48different.
07:49Like what the Ace did in Palm Springs.
07:51I love the slippers there.
07:52Like a blowjob for the feet.
07:54Okay, so you want me to go around knocking on walls?
07:57Yeah, but in a real mask way.
07:59Trust me, it prevents price gouging.
08:01Oh, here she comes.
08:01Hi.
08:02I'm so sorry, Emily.
08:04I thought I found a lump in my breast.
08:05It turned out it was a dried wasabi tea in my bra.
08:08Hi, Meredith.
08:09Marcus, and that's such good news.
08:11Wow.
08:14Well, you like what you see?
08:15I really do.
08:16I think this is such a special property and I would hate to see it turned into a parking lot.
08:20I agree completely.
08:21We are on the same page.
08:25What are you, 6'2"?
08:276'4".
08:27Oh, my God.
08:29My ex, 5'5".
08:31It was like walking around with a minion.
08:33So I was going through the archives admiring the marble floors before the reno.
08:37Yeah.
08:37Do you know if they're still underneath the carpet?
08:39You know what?
08:39Here's my motto.
08:40If they don't disclose, I don't stick my nose.
08:42Okay, so I have no idea.
08:44But for you, I might stick my nose somewhere.
08:48Okay.
08:48All right, here's the deal.
08:49I find you very attractive.
08:51And I'd like you to take me out on Friday.
08:54Oh.
08:55Okay?
08:55Oh!
08:57That clunkity-clunk?
08:58Oh.
08:59That's a red flag, brother.
09:00Um, I think we're gonna need, like, another 10% off probably.
09:04Who's this?
09:04This is my friend, Wilson.
09:06He, uh, came to check out the property with me.
09:08So?
09:11Is this your boyfriend?
09:12No.
09:12I mean, we used to date, but now we're just better off as friends.
09:15Oh, my God.
09:16I'm so embarrassed.
09:17Oh, don't be.
09:18I'm sorry.
09:19Encroached on your territory.
09:20My bad.
09:20Will you forgive me?
09:21Yeah, you're good.
09:22Okay, how about this?
09:23Only thing better than a date this weekend is two gay guys to hang out with.
09:27Guacamole?
09:28Chips?
09:29Friday?
09:30Um...
09:30Do you want this fucking place or not?
09:32Yes.
09:33Let's go, girls!
09:34This way.
09:34Let me show you upstairs.
09:36Oh, wait.
09:37This way.
09:42Deborah?
09:43I'm in my closet!
09:52Hey!
09:53What's up?
09:54Do you have a pair of tweezers, I could borrow?
09:56I've been waiting for this day.
09:59Okay, are we going between the brows or we start from the ground up with the big toe?
10:02I have a splinter.
10:07Ooh.
10:07God, there is something so exciting about getting ready for a date with a man.
10:11Maybe it's the tiny threat of being killed at the end of the night.
10:16Well, mine's not really a date.
10:17It's publicity, so it's more of a work function.
10:20Why are you so sure it's not a real date?
10:22Maybe he's legitimately into you.
10:24Even if he was, I'm not into him.
10:25He's not my type.
10:26He's just too young and pretty.
10:28I'm the pretty one.
10:30Yeah.
10:31Anyway, what are you going to wear on your date?
10:32Oh.
10:36This.
10:39Go ahead.
10:40That looks like something that my grandson would wear so that he could poop out the back.
10:44God, I wish.
10:45It'd be so convenient.
10:46All right.
10:47I'll text you after the date.
10:49Cool.
10:50Thanks.
10:51Bye, girl.
10:55Hi, doll.
10:56How's my favorite paparazzo?
10:57Sensational.
10:58We still on for tonight?
10:59Oh, yeah.
11:00Daily Mail's already chomping at the bib for these pigs.
11:02Great.
11:03I'd say I'd get my good side, but I paid to have them both be good.
11:16Hi.
11:16Hello.
11:18You look beautiful.
11:20Ditto.
11:21I think we have the same stylist.
11:23Well, it looks better on you.
11:26Good evening.
11:27Hi.
11:28Cell phones.
11:29I love it here.
11:30I put a sticker on your camera so nobody can take any photos.
11:32It's discreet.
11:33It's private.
11:34We can relax.
11:35That's great.
11:37I've been looking forward to this all day.
11:40Me too.
11:42Okay.
11:42Follow me.
11:43After you.
11:53Oh, sorry.
11:54I just want to clarify something.
11:56Just FYI.
11:56I don't expect us to hook up tonight just because you're a sex worker.
11:59Just like you wouldn't expect me to like write a monologue joke for you.
12:03Just saying.
12:03I don't expect you to blow my back out.
12:06Yeah.
12:07But it's not work if you love what you do.
12:10All right.
12:11Okay.
12:11I love that.
12:13But in general though, that phrase is kind of like a capitalist propaganda message to
12:18get people to like self-identify with their labor output to amass more productive hours.
12:23Wow.
12:25Did you go to grad school?
12:28That's the hottest thing anyone's ever said to me.
12:35You knew little Richard.
12:37Knew him?
12:38He offered me $5,000 to let him watch me pee.
12:41No.
12:42Oh, I would have done it.
12:43But he was just so over eager.
12:45Just kind of took the fun out of it.
12:46Oh my God.
12:47That's insane.
12:49So, are you going to have your parents come see your show?
12:54Um, no.
12:55I'm not really close with my family.
12:57Um, I emancipated from my parents when I was 15.
13:01Really?
13:02Yeah.
13:03Um, my dad sold my homecoming photos to E! News and that was kind of the final straw.
13:11The press are fucking vultures.
13:14When I saw those stories about you having a breakdown, I knew it was bullshit.
13:22So, you just moved to Vegas?
13:26All on your own?
13:27Just to do shows every night?
13:28Yeah, didn't you?
13:32Yeah.
13:35I don't mind doing things on my own.
13:37And cutting ties with my parents was actually great for me.
13:41I took control of my career.
13:43It ended up being the best decision I ever made.
13:47Good for you.
13:49When I know what I want.
13:53I don't hesitate.
14:01Maybe I should have hesitated that time.
14:03No.
14:03I just...
14:06I was just going to say I'm exactly the same.
14:10Puppets and dirt.
14:14Puppets and the same.
14:18Ain't no drag.
14:21Puppets got a brand new bag.
14:26She didn't know any better.
14:28Never, never, right here.
14:30Leto right here.
14:31Hey, back up.
14:32Come on, give us room.
14:33Right here, buddy.
14:34Right here, right here.
14:34Give her space.
14:35I'm not saying it again.
14:37Such a violation.
14:38what's wrong with you people just leave us alone here you go protect you seriously
14:44your bottom heaters you're just why don't you get a real job scum yes you are yes you are
14:57that's money so i am gonna see him again but um not to the weekend because um tomorrow night he's
15:05having sex with a married woman while her husband watches from a recliner oh really exciting and then
15:10friday he's having sex with someone in a wheelchair oh which is so cool sex work is so important of
15:16course oh good you can talk to deborah now oh okay hey you okay
15:33oh you're right it was real oh my god when we we actually have so much in common i mean
15:42he's sexy and he's he's smart and he's just funny he's just a great sense of style
15:50oh hey we made out oh my god way to bury the lead you kissed a girly guy and you
16:00liked it
16:01are you gonna see him again i hope so i have a good idea but
16:07invite him to marty's wedding oh i couldn't yes could i of course you could you have a plus one
16:11don't you do you think you'd want to yes yes text him now okay okay okay oh he already texted
16:23me
16:23what did he say i had a wonderful night next time we should get pumpkin soup what what no pumpkin
16:31soup
16:32it was just this whole bit and we were laughing how hard were you laughing oh stop all right tell
16:39me
16:39what i should say okay okay um i had a wonderful night okay me too and then be like hey
16:44going to
16:46this random ass wedding next weekend i want to be my plus one would be my plus one yeah great
16:52yeah
16:52oh my god okay which emojis no no emojis no okay send
17:00okay see the little bubbles he sticks me back this man's on his phone oh my god
17:08uh literally funny that i wear white really really i told you it was funny oh my god oh my
17:16god okay
17:18i gotta call marty oh my god wait right now it's like it's ringing okay
17:31oh deb you all right all right marty i need to change my rsvp to your wedding i am bringing
17:35a guest after all he's this really hot young guy and he's really funny too oh you know him nico
17:40hayes
17:40okay that's fine uh i'll tell the wedding planner good night now oh marty can i bring a sex worker
17:48yeah sure go ahead
18:05hi hey so now you're a fan huge hey listen what do you think these lyrics are about
18:15um oh never mind i'll have damien google it want some coffee tea no no this will be quick i
18:20i just
18:20want to get your advice on something sure so after marty told us about the paradiso i went down and
18:25took
18:25a look i'm thinking about buying it i'm gonna renovate it make it a cool boutique hotel casino
18:32since there's really nothing like it left in the city wow that's interesting i've always loved that
18:37space oh i know the location is perfect historical building yeah but oh hey that that's a huge
18:44undertaking you have to deal with the gaming commission the the unions the permits plus tourism
18:52is down there's a reason there's no independent casinos anymore i don't know that's an awful big risk
19:01so you wouldn't if i were you no keep your money in an index and wait for a lower lift
19:07oh you're
19:08right you're right thanks for the reality check oh i mean i could get a discount if i sleep at
19:14the
19:14realtor oh is he cute he's a woman oh yeah sorry you know what else i found out about nico
19:22he's a huge
19:23anti-bullying advocate isn't that cool that could be an issue for you i still can't believe you bought
19:36this whole place out well i wanted us to be free to you know do whatever
19:51oh god so how was your first week of shows uh it was okay just okay when i tour i
20:01change up the
20:01set list and here i'm doing the same exact show every night and um i'm just getting used to it
20:07oh
20:07yeah i get it but just remember people come from all over the world to see residencies here and even
20:15though you're in the same place doing the same thing you know i like to think of it as performing
20:21for the whole world all at once it's a good way of looking at it
20:27i think there's a lot i could learn from you oh yeah yeah how about we skip dessert and get
20:35out of
20:35here check please
20:50god damn i see why you do that for a living thank you you aren't so bad yourself
21:03um listen i don't want to um jump the g word
21:09gun gun but um the owner of the palmetto is getting married next saturday and i have a plus one
21:15if if you want to come with me i don't know yeah yeah i love that okay cool i don't
21:25think i have a
21:26gig that day oh my god no pressure i know that like dating a sex worker means that like you
21:31might
21:32not be available on nights or weekends no this wouldn't be for that um i thought i might have a
21:38magic show that day um but no looks like i'm free what what oh well sex work pays the bills
21:48but my dream job
21:51is magician
21:58wow yeah why did you think i moved to vegas to be a prostitute what no no no no okay
22:07here let me show you a trick
22:14okay all right now i know what you're thinking this is just a regular box of unlit matches right i
22:22wish but
22:23guess again
22:28i think it's the lube all over my hands
22:31buck you weren't supposed to see the coins but it's a work in progress
22:39i'll practice bob what you're me probably because there was a coin in your ear oh isn't that
22:47oh that's a good one too you want that one
22:54they're coming out oh no nico how was the date how are you two officials
23:00oh out of the way oh come on deb you called me before but nothing for us tonight don't listen
23:07to
23:09let's go Larry can you give us a second was it you who called the paparazzi on our first date
23:27yes and was it you who put the napkin i used on ebay no i feel totally violated
23:36but listen listen listen i i did call them on our first date but not the other times why would
23:41you call them at all because when you asked me out i thought you were doing it for publicity which
23:47i totally get but once i knew that you genuinely liked me and i realized that i felt the same
23:53i can't do this
23:56i don't know that little mistake ruin us what us us us nikora i'd like to go home now
24:08maybe you can get a ride home with your paparazzi friend come on nico come on
24:29oh yeah the wedding is is um uh cocktail attire four o'clock yeah i think i'm busy that night
24:40it's just another walk of shame hope you got some comfy shoes on deb i'm not gonna let you retouch
24:48these to keep the tears from coming coming to my eye oh not another alibi
25:01hey what's going on i've been waiting for you downstairs you want to work up here sure whatever
25:06so i think we should start with the opener because it's not really feeling there yet
25:09right what do you think
25:15deborah who are you texting nobody let me see your phone no that's an invasion of my privacy
25:23deborah let me see what are you doing let me see it oh stop it what is wrong with you
25:31let me
25:31ow god damn it ah get to me oh god you're strong jesus ah oh my god deborah no there's
25:41so much blue
25:41you're writing him a novel well nico hadn't gotten back to me for a while so i was just bumping
25:46no these
25:47texts say not delivered oh oh well thank god i mean that that means he hasn't even gotten them that's
25:56relief no deborah it means he blocked you what yeah he blocked me blocked you i'll block him right back
26:12okay block him straight to hell hey i'm gonna go downstairs i'm gonna get you a diet coke i'm gonna
26:17bring up my copy of anxiously attached how to be more secure in life and love and then we're gonna
26:21get back to work okay hey he blocked you he's not getting those texts so say you oh my god
26:32how do you block back
26:38ah chill
26:53deborah this is my date eli eli this is my boss writing partner and housemate deborah it's nice to
26:59meet you i hope you two can hold on to what you have i'm gonna get another drink
27:08sorry she's usually much meaner than that well well well does my eyes deceive me or is my standing
27:15sunday afternoon appointment at the vegas wedding of the year hi joanna hey he likes my date yeah
27:23listen i know from experience he's only got about three or four in the tank daily so you know don't
27:28wear him all the way out sister hello mayor pedimenti hello my lovely constituents marilyn and herman this is
27:36ava i work with deborah vance i think we met at the town hall where deborah argued against the city
27:41recognizing labor day of course yes and this is eli pleasure to meet you and what do you do i'm
27:47a
27:47magician magician illusionist wow he's a sex worker mainly oh oh he's not a worker he's an artist
27:56and i further termed jiggalop more european all right
28:00so
28:26fbi
28:32eleanor guillaume you're under arrest victoria what the hell who's eleanor what's going on
28:37miss guillaume is one of her fraud domestically and in france sorry about the timing sir but we
28:42had apprehender before she fled the country you mean her honeymoon martin the name was fake but the love
28:48was real
28:52i demand to be tried in france we'd appreciate it if everyone would please stay at the venue we're
28:56gonna need to get some statements let's go
29:24come on
29:27Please, I know you're faking it. You're good at that.
29:30Hey, I was just grilling him. Seems to really like you, Raggedy Ann.
29:34I offered him $2,000 for the night and he wouldn't take it.
29:37Oh, you should do it. Yeah, you should do it. I don't want to hold you back.
29:41No, I want to spend the night with you. Make sure the coin trick later. It's getting really tight.
29:46No, no, no, no. You should get that money.
29:49Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Listen to my Eskimo sister here.
29:53Why are you pressuring me to do sex work?
29:56Do you have an issue with my magic?
29:58I got no issue. We could do it Voldemort style.
30:02Ava?
30:03Do I have an issue with your magic? It's an interesting question.
30:06I guess I just feel like you're so, so good at sex and sex work is so important.
30:12And I guess I just feel like magic is less important.
30:18Wait, you said that you were okay with whatever I did for work.
30:22I didn't think that one of those things could be magic.
30:24I mean, come on. Don't you feel a little cringe when you're doing the tricks? Like, honestly.
30:29No, I feel a little more cringe when a stranger sticks a personalized dildo of their ex-boyfriend's dick in
30:35my mouth.
30:35Fit like a glove, as I recall.
30:38Hey, I'm not here to sex shame.
30:40No. You're just here to magic shame.
30:42This is so fucked up. Looking down on me for being a magician is just as bad as looking down
30:48on me for being a sex worker.
30:49No, it's not. Magicians aren't marginalized.
30:51The name one magician who's ever served on the Supreme Court.
30:55Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
30:56I'm sorry. Okay, okay, listen.
30:58It's getting a little heated here. Let's relax. Let's go up to my room, have a little nightcap.
31:02You can come too, apartment patty. That's the gay one, right?
31:06No. We're done. And I'm done doing sex work.
31:12Hey!
31:12No! No!
31:13Don't be rash!
31:14I'm gonna make it as a magician. And I'm gonna prove you wrong.
31:22Supposed to be smoke.
31:24No. No.
31:26Oh, my God.
31:27Hey! Hey! God!
31:30What did you do?
31:32Listen to me. It's Saturday at dusk.
31:34You got 18 hours to find me a new Sunday boy, so tick-tock, missy.
31:40Oh, my God.
31:41Fuck, man!
31:42I'm not getting you a Sunday boy!
31:44Dude, I don't wanna talk to you anymore!
31:51Come in.
31:56Hey.
31:57You okay?
32:00How could I be so stupid?
32:03Well, she was old. It was the perfect smokescreen.
32:06Yeah, they're calling what she did to be elder fraud.
32:10It's peer-to-peer fraud.
32:11Mm.
32:15I really thought she was the one.
32:17Well, her real crime is not realizing how wonderful you are.
32:33Deb, I know this is crazy, but what do you say we get married?
32:39What?
32:39The priest is still here.
32:41The caterers are ready to go.
32:42Me and you.
32:43Come on!
32:44Let's finally do it!
32:46Marty.
32:49Deborah and Marie Vance.
32:51Will you marry me?
32:55No.
32:58Oh, God.
33:00All right.
33:01Marty.
33:02Hi.
33:04You know how I feel about you.
33:07But you've gotta stop asking people to marry you.
33:10It's a compulsion.
33:11Yeah.
33:11Guess you're right.
33:14Man, I just feel like such a loser.
33:18If it makes you feel any better, I was just dumped and blocked by an international rock star.
33:24Okay.
33:25Sounds like you've still got the day to rock star.
33:27Yeah, but I got my heart broken.
33:29I've been very sad about it.
33:31But I mean, I should actually be thrilled.
33:34I mean, what a gift to still be taking risks.
33:38Come on.
33:39We both got our hearts broken.
33:41Aren't you glad that you're still putting yourself out there like that?
33:44I mean, a lot of people our age are just too busy collecting commemorative coins.
33:50You love falling in love.
33:54And you will again.
33:55I know it.
33:57I mean, you own multiple properties.
33:59You still have your own hair.
34:00You're chum in the water.
34:04Oh.
34:06Are you sure you don't want to be Mrs. Marty Vance?
34:11I'll tell you what.
34:13If we're both single, when we're 100,
34:17I'll marry you.
34:18Well, that's something to look forward to.
34:21Hmm.
34:31Marcus.
34:32Marcus.
34:35I was wrong.
34:36You should do the paradesa.
34:38It is exactly what Vegas needs.
34:40I appreciate that.
34:41I really do.
34:42But you were right.
34:43My business manager looked at the numbers and it is too big of a risk.
34:46If you don't take risks, you're as good as dead.
34:50What if we did it together?
34:52Now, I'm not trying to insert myself here.
34:54I could be as involved as you want.
34:57But I miss working with you.
34:59I miss conniving with you.
35:02We want to be partners this time.
35:03Totally equal.
35:05Or I could just be a silent investor.
35:07Whatever you want.
35:09What do you say?
35:11Want to?
35:15I do.
35:21What a great name.
35:29Wow.
35:30Isn't it beautiful?
35:31If you would have told me five years ago that I would be part owner of a casino, I would
35:35not have believed you.
35:36You own no part of this.
35:38You are literally just here.
35:39Yeah, but even that is crazy.
35:43Oh.
35:43Wait.
35:44What?
35:45Kiki just sent me this video.
35:47She thinks it's about you.
35:52But you're a funny girl.
35:55Yeah, something's funny.
35:58Funny how you lie so easily.
36:02Ah!
36:03So I guess the joke's on me.
36:07Whoa, funny girl.
36:10Oh, his fan army's really coming after you in the comments.
36:13What?
36:13Let me see.
36:14They're calling me chopped.
36:17What does that mean?
36:18I mean, am I in danger?
36:19No, no.
36:20They're just insulting your looks.
36:22What?
36:23That's even worse!
36:25I don't know, is it?
36:26I mean, people are going to want to hear your side of the story at the MSG show.
36:29It could be good for ticket sales.
36:31That's true.
36:32If you can make art about me, I can make art about him.
36:35It's a two-way street.
36:36I need to clap back.
36:38Call Diane Warren!
36:42I'm not gonna lay down and die.
36:46So fuck you and fuck your goodbye.
36:51I'm the one who'll be fine.
36:55And you're the one who'll be crying.
36:58So take one last look.
37:00Cause it's all you're gonna get.
37:02You're gonna miss all this.
37:04You'll regret the day you left.
37:06You'll see.
37:08You won't find no one as cool as me.
37:13What I mean is I feel sorry for you.
37:17You're someone that I would hate to be.
37:20I'd hate to be the one losing me.
37:29I'd hate to be the one losing me.
Comments