- 12 hours ago
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00:01Open up!
00:02What the hell? We're being evicted?
00:04Oh, I'm sorry. Is your name Ethan O'Brien? Because that's the name on the lease.
00:08This is an illegal sublet.
00:10How many times do I have to explain this? Ethan's a pilot whose passion is the open air.
00:13Nice try. Your little boyfriend moved to Nashville to launch his music career.
00:17Oh, I did my detective work, girlies.
00:24No, no.
00:25No, no, he's right. His music is terrible. That is time I'll never get back.
00:29So go gentrify some godforsaken corner of Brooklyn like everybody else your age.
00:33I'm not cool enough for Brooklyn. They'll eat me alive.
00:35Antoine, please. We are just a poor, racially diverse pair of friends trying to make it in the big city.
00:40I work in the arts.
00:42And I'm an investment banker.
00:44Okay, this conversation is over, but if you'd like to continue this rant,
00:47go blame the guys who live across the hall from you. They're the ones who told me.
00:51What?
00:52And it wasn't even in passing.
00:53They do not like you.
00:58Let it go. Antoine, wait, what?
01:15Hey, buddy.
01:17What's going on?
01:18I was asleep.
01:20We heard you crying all night. You wanna talk about it?
01:22Or at least take off Vivian's robe. It's giving silence to the lambs.
01:26But this robe is the only thing I have left to remind me of her.
01:29See how you feel after you eat. We got you bacon, egg, and cheese.
01:34Of course.
01:35But that's your last one. You're single now. You gotta get rid of this love lard.
01:39Don't call him fat. You're gonna give him a complex.
01:41Good. Body positivity is only for women. They can look however these days, but we gotta be ripped.
01:45And no girl is gonna wanna jump on those gorgeous bones of yours with your ex's stuff lying around.
01:50Put her stuff in here. I've got a job interview today. I could drop it off at her place on
01:54the way.
01:54Will you tell me what she says about me?
01:55No. Because honestly, that was a lie. I was just gonna throw it out.
01:59Take your box. It's too soon. In any way, it isn't big enough for all the memories.
02:08What the f-
02:12Hey. Good morning. Hi. How are you?
02:18What a nice surprise. Care for the blender remnants of a protein smoothie?
02:21No. We don't want any of your stupid smoothie.
02:25Stupid? Uh, there's 70 grams of protein in there.
02:27I can't believe you little bitches narked on us.
02:30And I can't believe you defiantly glorified criminality.
02:33For months, I've put up with all of your bullshit. The girls coming in and out at all hours,
02:37storing your shitty ass bikes in the hallway, which you've never once used.
02:40Because the bike seat makes my penis numb.
02:44And I'm pretty sure you're stealing some of my Amazon packages.
02:48What? No, no. I would never steal.
02:49Oh, those are your rhinestone flip-flops?
02:54Yeah, I like sparkly things.
02:55And I've never said a word, but to be little snitches and get us evicted? That is low. Even for
03:01you.
03:01I told Antoine, never mind.
03:03It was too late by the time you ratted us out.
03:04So you better fix this or else.
03:06Are you threatening us?
03:08You want to find out? My girl's from Dorchester, Massachusetts.
03:10Is that a tough neighborhood? I'm not familiar with local towns in other states.
03:14Well, I'm from Jersey. Ever heard of that bitch?
03:16Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Hey, we will fix this. Just so you know. It's not us. It's just Josh.
03:21Yeah, Josh only wanted the apartment for his girlfriend, but she dumped his fat ass.
03:24Good. Get your props.
03:28Stretch them.
03:36I can't deal with this apartment shit right now.
03:39It's my first real day of work and I need to make a big impression.
03:42I have decided it's my alpha day.
03:45Your what?
03:46Alpha day.
03:47Banking environments are famously competitive places.
03:50If you're not steamrolling someone, you are getting steamrolled.
03:53Did you get nothing from Wolf of Wall Street?
03:55I mostly remember Leo's naked butt.
03:57It deserved an Oscar.
03:59Okay.
03:59Well, I need to send a message that says,
04:02I am hyper-competent.
04:04I don't need anyone's help.
04:05And I don't love strip clubs, but I can sit at the bar and eat wings.
04:08And hope your boss doesn't remember you called him an asshole and fire you.
04:11I was trying not to think about that.
04:13Yes, that too. Damn it.
04:15That one.
04:20Alpha day.
04:21Alpha day.
04:22I am an alpha! I am a boss!
04:30Kate, I'm so thankful you found me a job so fast.
04:33Are you kidding me?
04:34We always need substitute teachers.
04:36A lot of our staff take lengthy mental health sabbaticals.
04:38And honestly, I was excited to hear from you.
04:43It's been a minute.
04:45I know. I got so busy with med school and everything.
04:47Yeah, it's great to have you here.
04:49I always thought you had the kind soul and warm eyes of an educator.
04:55I'm really here for the schedule.
04:57Substitute teaching will give me a lot of time to focus on auditioning.
05:00And I need to book an acting gig before I can tell my parents that I quit med school.
05:04So what excites you most about teaching is not being at school?
05:08No. No, no, no. It's so much more than that.
05:10I see.
05:11I mean, like, I need money for rent and groceries and food and stuff.
05:15Totally. Totally. Well, your first class is at 2.
05:18Do I need to stick around until then? Or...
05:20I mean, it's not a written rule, but...
05:22Best job ever.
05:24Just to say it, I know we have a romantic history.
05:28A conversation about hummus at a party turned undefined hookup situation.
05:34And I promise you that will not affect our clearly defined professional relationship.
05:39Thank you, Kate. I'll see you at 2.
05:41I'll see you at 2, too. Yeah.
05:43Awesome.
05:44Awesome.
05:45Yeah.
05:51Oh, I found you and Abby a listing. A two-bedroom on Rikers Island.
05:55You mean Randall's Island?
05:56No, this says Rikers.
05:58Fine. Send it to me.
06:03He's here.
06:05Who? What is this?
06:07It's Bill, dumbass.
06:09Alphas, don't get fired. Alphas, don't get fired.
06:11Stop whispering!
06:12And throw away your food. He hates seeing people eat.
06:16How do you eat them?
06:17A lunavar on the toilet.
06:21Pageant calls to be the boss.
06:26Pageant calls to be the boss.
06:30I'm pageant calls to be the boss.
06:34Look at me.
06:36You know what you see.
06:38You see a bad mother.
06:46Hey.
06:47What are you doing?
06:48Get in here.
06:54Congratulations.
06:55Today is the best and worst day of your life.
06:58Do any of you consumer and retail experts know what Yarn Barn is?
07:03Launched in 2013 by Roland Schumwerts at the St. Louis-based crafting box store.
07:06My mom orders all her bedazzling kits from there. Are you into crafting?
07:09Do I look like I'm into crafting?
07:11No.
07:12Correct. Thankfully, many people are.
07:14Yarn Barn is in 37 states and valued at over $3 billion.
07:18Stanson Capital is buying it.
07:19Ellison Grant is doing the deal.
07:21Oh, cool. Someone has the internet.
07:23What you don't know is Ellison Grant fucked the deal last night.
07:26What? Ha.
07:28Rookie move. They were talking shit about Yarn Barn's founder.
07:30Roland Schumwerts.
07:31We know his name, Jocelyn.
07:33Finish your story, Bill.
07:34It's great.
07:36Anyway, they were on Slack saying his wife is divorcing him because he looks like a turtle in a wool
07:40sweater.
07:41But those dummies didn't realize Turtle Face was also on the thread.
07:45So now they're out and we have a chance to poach it.
07:48Hey, do I know you?
07:50No. I'm the new first year I started yesterday. I've never met you before, sir.
07:54Are you sure?
07:55I don't know. Do you go to the Trader Joe's on 31st and 3rd?
07:57What's Trader Joe's?
07:58It's a discount grocery store founded by Joe Globe.
08:00Nah.
08:01Now, at 10 a.m. tomorrow, Roland is coming here where he will read the best pitch book you have
08:07ever made.
08:08Tomorrow?
08:08It takes a week to put together a book like this.
08:11Well, then I suggest you get to work.
08:12Bill, I for one thrive under pressure.
08:15Thank you for putting your trust in us.
08:18Dilip, you're with me.
08:20We're meeting Roland at a crafting convention in Cleveland in six hours.
08:22Why are you still here?
08:24Oh.
08:32Hey, girl. I got your green juice and Adderall.
08:38You're resting, so I'm gonna go-
08:41Ah!
08:42I saw Austin's outfit.
08:43I can explain.
08:44He looked... incredible.
08:47He did?
08:48I mean, I wouldn't have chosen that color for him, but you could tell that he loved how he looked.
08:51Good job.
08:52Did you just say good job to me?
08:53Stop. Don't make a thing of it.
08:54So you're not mad about blemish?
08:56Oh, no. I am furious.
08:57I had a small heart attack last night and I flatlined for two minutes, but what else could you have
09:01done?
09:01It's not like you picked out that outfit and suggested he wear it.
09:04Oh, God, no.
09:05I'm taking advantage of your absence to push my own agenda.
09:08I'd get fired for that.
09:09Fired?
09:10You'd never work again.
09:11Alright, I need you to pick up Austin's suit.
09:13He's at the Cherry Lane Theatre rehearsing for some boring play.
09:16Okay.
09:17I'm on it.
09:18Wait.
09:20You didn't happen to bring any cigarettes with you, did you?
09:22To the emergency room? No.
09:24Just leave. Go.
09:34Hey, is now a bad time to grab a seltzer?
09:39Yes.
09:45I'm really sorry, again, for taking your job.
09:49If I'd known you were next in line...
09:50You'd what? Not have done it?
09:54Look, I've been thinking, if you like, I could put in a good word with my dad.
09:58He burns through his assistance, but he hasn't met you yet, right?
10:02Excuse me, I gotta go get my lumbar support belt, as I've got twenty more pallet of seltzer to unload.
10:16Try it in the work text.
10:25What the hell?
10:27They're not even red, they're Vermont barns.
10:35Can you believe this?
10:36My co-workers have a secret text chain where they call me Joffrey.
10:40I can see it.
10:41Yeah, I can see it too.
10:43Evil Nepo, son of the king?
10:44That's the problem.
10:45They hate me so much, I'm not even invited to work drinks tomorrow night.
10:49How do I fix this?
10:50Man, they just don't know you.
10:51In the seventh grade, I thought you were a huge nerd.
10:53And then I went to your bar mitzvah and Bruno Mars was there.
10:56And I decided you were cool.
10:57That's neither a compliment nor helpful.
10:59Dude, you're the best person we know.
11:00You saved my life.
11:01Wait, Josh diagnosed your arrhythmia?
11:03No!
11:03I've almost died a lot.
11:04This was homecoming, 2019.
11:06I drank so much I passed out in a bush and started choking on my own puke.
11:09Luckily, that bush was in front of Hell House.
11:11Hillel House, the Jewish affinity group.
11:13And it was a mitzvah, because this sweet angel saw me, rolled me on my side, and removed all my
11:18IDs so the cops couldn't call my parents.
11:19Yes, be that guy. That guy is awesome. There's no way your coworkers won't love you.
11:24Just crash the drinks.
11:25Really?
11:25Just show up, uninvited.
11:27I don't even like it when you guys have friends over without asking.
11:30No, no, no. Crashing's cool.
11:31Wedding Crashers? Favorite movie.
11:32Crash Enemy? Best Dave Matthews song.
11:34And a crash cart saved my life when my arrhythmia was acting up.
11:38You know what? You guys are right.
11:40I'm going.
11:41But I really hate the bar they picked.
11:42Should I suggest a nicer one?
11:44No, man, you're hopeless.
11:45Why do we even bother giving you advice?
11:47Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
11:50His stylist!
11:58Hi, I'm here to pick up a package for Vanessa Sue.
12:03Thank you. Thank you so much.
12:05Oh, hey.
12:06Oh, hi. I'm Abby. I work for Vanessa. I dressed you last night.
12:11Yeah, I know who you are. What kind of sociopaths forget someone from 12 hours ago?
12:15You get used to being invisible in this job once Vanessa stood on my hand for an entire fitting.
12:19I doubt you could ever be invisible.
12:24You were right, by the way.
12:26The outfit thing.
12:27The film wasn't tracking well and now they're thinking about adding more theatres, so thank you.
12:32Yeah, it's my pleasure.
12:35Okay, I'm gonna go elbow my way through a pack of deranged teenagers now.
12:39Yeah, it's crazy, huh?
12:41I tried to go to Joe's to get a piece of pizza and one of them bit me.
12:44Oh.
12:44I think I'm gonna have a zen for lunch.
12:48Hey, I'd love to see you again.
12:50Wow.
12:52That is obviously beyond flattering.
12:55But I just got my first compliment from Vanessa.
12:58I cannot mess this up.
13:01So, I can't see you like that.
13:03I need to set that boundary.
13:04Wow.
13:05Yeah.
13:06Wasn't expecting that answer, but sure.
13:09That can be boundaries.
13:13I'll see you around.
13:20Normally our teachers do wear a blazer, though you look amazing in anything, so I'll take it.
13:26I mean, I just figured I'd throw a lab coat over it and...
13:30Oh, lab coat.
13:31You're teaching English.
13:33Did I not mention that?
13:34Sorry.
13:34My cat attacked this kid in our building and it's become this whole thing and...
13:37Okay, but I can't teach English.
13:40I majored in bio-camp.
13:41The last book I read was Lemony Snicking.
13:43Kel, you love theatre.
13:44Plays are just lazy books.
13:46They're studying Jane Austen.
13:48You know where to find me if you need anything.
13:50What?
13:50Kate.
13:50Hold on, Kate, Kate.
13:54Here we go.
13:59Hello, young minds.
14:01I am your new English teacher, Kel Washington.
14:04You guys can call me Mr. Washington.
14:06We don't do that here.
14:07We'll be calling you Kel.
14:08Oh, great.
14:09Very casual.
14:10But my roommates call me.
14:12I like it.
14:13Okay.
14:15Today, I am very excited to dive into Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.
14:22It is a book I really love and know a lot about.
14:25So, Kel.
14:26What's your deal?
14:27My deal?
14:28Before you try to lie, we looked you up.
14:30We know you were in med school two seconds ago.
14:32What happened?
14:33Did you get expelled?
14:34I was not expelled.
14:35No.
14:36I wanted a career change.
14:39So, I took destiny into my own hands.
14:41Kind of like Elizabeth Bennet.
14:43Who's that?
14:44Is she another student?
14:45She's the protagonist of the book you, quote, love and know a lot about.
14:50Right.
14:51Of course.
14:52Yeah.
14:54Well, she seems like a real cool lady.
14:56Jesus, Kel.
14:57Tuition here costs more than most colleges.
14:59Yeah.
15:00Angela Merkel spoke at our graduation and we booed her off the stage for being boring.
15:04So, pray tell, what business do you have teaching here?
15:08Look.
15:08I assumed I was going to be teaching biology.
15:11But here we are.
15:12And it's going to be great.
15:13How about we start with chapter one out loud and everyone picks a fun voice.
15:25Stop.
15:26Oh, my God.
15:27You're so funny.
15:28Okay.
15:29See you soon.
15:30Bye.
15:32Guess what?
15:33My ex still works at Allison.
15:34It was a very unhealthy relationship.
15:36For him.
15:37Anyway, he's agreed to give me the inside scoop on their numbers so we can land this deal.
15:42Huge.
15:42You go.
15:43Me and Private Pasquarelli will tag team the models in the deck.
15:46No.
15:46I'll do the models and charts myself.
15:48David, I'll do the models and charts myself.
15:48Please can format the deck.
15:53Look.
15:54I applaud the ambition, but I'm the second year and when I was a first year, my second year held
15:59my hand through everything.
16:00Kwaku and I were two brains, beating as one.
16:03Davis, no offense, but I've spent the past three summers modeling of fidelity.
16:07Don't worry.
16:14It's an urban oasis with picturesque views of a historically significant Dunkin's.
16:19What the hell?
16:21I'm sorry.
16:21Are you lost, little girl?
16:22I can't believe you're showing the apartment already.
16:24I have to use my bathroom.
16:25It's Rebecca and Zeb's bathroom.
16:28Pending a credit check.
16:32It's haunted!
16:35I can't believe you walked out of medical school to act.
16:38But since it allowed you to be home during my moment of crisis, I fully support it.
16:45Of course.
16:45Anytime.
16:46Seriously.
16:47I mean, me banyo.
16:48That's your banyo.
16:48Okay.
16:49Bye.
16:50Sorry.
16:51Are you watching Pride and Prejudice?
16:53Did you put that on to make me think you were sensitive?
16:55Kel!
16:55No, no.
16:56I just got a job teaching English at a girls school to make money.
16:59And if I don't catch up fast, they will destroy me.
17:01Oh.
17:04Were they bullying you?
17:05Correcting you on the material?
17:06Yeah.
17:07A lot.
17:07Did they ask a lot of personal questions with an air of judgment?
17:10Yes.
17:10How did you know?
17:11Because I was just like these girls.
17:13An overachieving little asshole who projected the impossibly high expectations of my parents
17:17onto my teachers.
17:18Okay.
17:19Then help me out.
17:19Don't you see my Swedish Fish?
17:21Your only chance of survival is to be so prepared you make them feel stupid.
17:25I am preparing.
17:26I'm watching the movie.
17:26That's not nearly enough.
17:28If they've read the book, you need to read three.
17:29Treat it like you're preparing for medical school.
17:31Can't I just tell them that I'll fail them if they don't do what I say?
17:34Wait.
17:35What's this?
17:36Antoine puts on these sad dance showcases that nobody goes to.
17:40Hmm.
17:42Can I keep this?
17:43Yeah.
17:47I'm keeping these two.
17:49Sure.
17:54Hmm.
17:57I know I set a boundary.
17:59And I do mean it, but I need a favor.
18:00I'll say goodbye to all my sorrow.
18:04And by tomorrow, I'll be on my way.
18:10I guess the Lord must be in New York City.
18:19The charts on this deck are fucked up!
18:21Did Davis format the deck?
18:22Run!
18:23How dare you?
18:24But did I?
18:24No.
18:25The charts are wrong because AJ's models are wrong.
18:27No, no.
18:27That's impossible.
18:28I triple checked everything.
18:29Then why doesn't the book reflect the new numbers I got from my ex?
18:31I had to agree to go to his dad's 70th birthday for those!
18:33Oh my god.
18:34I was so locked in.
18:35I missed your email and didn't update the models.
18:37I totally fucked up.
18:38I'm gonna get fired.
18:39Bill and Turtle Face will be here in 90 minutes.
18:42I'm so sorry.
18:43It's fine.
18:44We can adjust the models.
18:45The problem is-
18:46Reprinting the book.
18:46Internal is slammed.
18:47We have to go off-site.
18:48Gramercy or Delancey?
18:49Gramercy's closer.
18:49Yeah, but I know Ron and Delancey.
18:50He'll open up early for me.
18:51Again.
18:52I am so sorry.
18:53Stop apologizing.
18:54Only apologize if we can't fix this.
18:56Now go, I'll call ahead.
19:03Damn, Jay Austin.
19:05You can write.
19:28Hey man, I'm Davis.
19:31Love your work.
19:34I'm from the South, which is like the only place that still appreciates the importance of a printed
19:39invitation.
19:39It's like, when did faster start to mean better?
19:44You know what?
19:45Thank you for saying that.
19:46Hey, I feel like a tool just chatting while you're doing all the work.
19:49You mind if I box while you bind?
19:51Knock yourself out, buddy.
19:52Thanks.
19:53Of course.
20:02You had Austin Blanchett tweet about my show?
20:06Yes.
20:07Unless that's bad.
20:08It sold out.
20:10I've never been more excited in my life.
20:12I just thought you deserved the hype.
20:14I do.
20:15I do deserve the hype.
20:16I can't wait to tell my cousin Mahershal he's not the only talented one in the family.
20:25So, can we stay?
20:29Yes, you can stay.
20:30Yes.
20:30But someone comparably famous has to tweet about my showcase once a year.
20:34You have a deal?
20:37Those posters better be held up with tape.
20:47Oh, shit.
20:48There are no cabs.
20:49And the closest Uber is 20 minutes away?
20:52We have to push back the meeting.
20:54No, no, look.
20:56Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
20:57Sir?
20:57I will give you a hundred bucks for that bike.
21:00Yes, sir.
21:01Alright, come on, hop on.
21:02Uh, where?
21:03The handlebar.
21:04ET style.
21:06AJ, let's go.
21:14Hello, everyone.
21:16Just a refresh.
21:17I'm Mr. Washington.
21:19You're actually showing your face again?
21:20I'm Mr. Ferrer's of you, Kel.
21:22Ah, Mr. Ferrer's from Sense and Sensibility.
21:25Jane Austen's first novel.
21:27Yeah.
21:27Mr. Washington did his reading, and then some last night.
21:31Kel, are we supposed to be impressed you did your job?
21:34Come on, guys.
21:34We're going to Blue Mercury.
21:36Oh, that's too bad.
21:37I was just going to ask if Charlotte Bronte was right when she said Jane's writing lacked passion.
21:43Charlotte was just jealous that Jane's the queen of Victorian literature and not her.
21:47And I ask why the need to crown a queen?
21:50No one pits Charles Dickens against Victor Hugo.
21:53Because the patriarchy insists on pitting successful women against each other, even when they're born 40 years apart.
21:59Let's see what Jane has to say about that.
22:01She's dead as hell, Kel.
22:02Right, but they published a collection of her letters.
22:07I was just going to see if there was maybe a real life Mr. Darcy.
22:10Mr. Darcy was real?
22:11Maybe, Marina.
22:13But you guys have fun at Blue Mercury, and the rest of us will find out.
22:20Maybe we can go to Blue Mercury later?
22:24Fine.
22:26Continue, Kel.
22:27Mr. Washington.
22:29Mr. W?
22:30I'll take it.
22:33Oh, God.
22:35You guys drink that shit?
22:37It's like old lake water.
22:39David, go faster!
22:40I'm going as fast as I can!
22:43I'm just wearing a lantern blind!
22:45We're on our way!
22:46Hurry up, they're putting up the pastries!
22:47David, they're putting up the pastries!
22:51Oh, my God!
22:53Fucking New York!
22:55Oh!
22:5625 miles to home, girl!
22:59Fuck five minutes out!
23:01Stall!
23:03Roland!
23:04Did you know our offices have one of the finest private art collections in New York,
23:08including an Edward Hopper?
23:10Oh, I love Edward Hopper.
23:12Shall we?
23:13We have an art collection?
23:14Yes, it's spectacular.
23:16Oh, thank God!
23:18Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
23:19Go, go, go, go, go, go!
23:21I got to walk on!
23:23Oh, oh, oh!
23:26I, I, I, I'm so tired!
23:29But I just can't lose my stride!
23:33Woo!
23:34Woo!
23:40Come on, Pete, don't feel me now!
23:42Come on, Pete!
23:43I got ten more miles to go!
23:44We're right in here, Roland.
23:45As is the rest of RT and RT.
23:47Oh!
23:48Hello.
23:56You got just more now!
24:05Oh!
24:12Oh my God!
24:13What are the chances?
24:15I love this bar.
24:17You must have office mind meld.
24:20Can I join?
24:20It's kind of tight.
24:22No, this is great!
24:23Ah, this fits.
24:26Excuse me.
24:28So, what's everyone drinking?
24:30I ordered a light beer because sometimes they put an orange in it.
24:35Oh!
24:35Oh!
24:40So, Warren, tell me about yourself.
24:43All I know is you're wearing a Rutgers sweatshirt and eating celery.
24:46Well, I went to Rutgers, hence the...
24:49And my wife and I recently lost 150 pounds on Ozempic.
24:52What?
24:53That's incredible!
24:54Unfortunately, only two of those pounds were mine.
24:57So, my wife left me and is now teaching spin classes on a cruise ship.
25:01But I'm happy for her.
25:02I'm so sorry, but my girlfriend just dumped me too.
25:06So, any night you want to prowl, I'm there.
25:08Really?
25:09Thanks.
25:10Uh, how about you?
25:11John, do I see that, I don't mean, bracelet?
25:13Kids?
25:14Or are you just young at heart?
25:17Both, actually.
25:18I was just telling Warren that my daughter's birthday is next week, she's turning 10,
25:22and we have no idea what to do for her birthday party.
25:24What about those Natural History Museum superpowers?
25:28I did that for my 10th and I crushed.
25:29I'm sure, but the wait lists for those are endless.
25:31You know what?
25:33My mom's on the board of Natural History Museum.
25:36I'll talk to her.
25:36We can make this happen.
25:37Oh my god, that would be great.
25:39Yeah, you're still here.
25:40Ah, sorry, we were just getting to know each other and maybe falling in love?
25:44You guys film that too?
25:46Yeah.
25:46How about you?
25:47Elena, what's your deal?
25:48I grew up in Queens, went to Stuyvesant.
25:51I got into Northwestern, but it was too expensive, so I went to Hunter.
25:55Is that good?
25:57Yup.
26:00Should I share more stuff about me?
26:02I'd learned how to juggle last year, which was exciting.
26:11Hold the door!
26:15Hey.
26:22Congrats.
26:23I heard you're not getting kicked out anymore.
26:26I'm such an idiot!
26:28Hey.
26:29Is this okay?
26:31Maybe?
26:32I don't know.
26:32What's going on?
26:33I suck at my job.
26:35I almost ruined this whole pitch, and the worst part is my co-workers fixed it and they
26:39didn't even rub it in my face.
26:40I would have been such a bitch.
26:43Yeah, I could see that.
26:44I should move back to Boston and work at a European wax center.
26:47Hey, I could be wrong, but I think people helping each other at work is actually what
26:51work is supposed to be like.
26:54I guess that's true.
26:55I wish I had that.
26:57There's this one girl at my job.
26:59I cannot stand me.
27:01I can't charm her at all.
27:02Oh, maybe don't try to charm her.
27:04Charm is a red flag to girls.
27:05You know who was charming?
27:07Ted Bundy.
27:08I'm like Ted Bundy?
27:09Basically.
27:10Why don't you take your own advice and try to be helpful?
27:15That was good advice.
27:19Hey, I need to get Davis something to say thank you.
27:23What is he like?
27:24Whiskey?
27:25One of those shirts you're not supposed to suck in?
27:27Honestly, what Davis likes the most is spending time with his friends.
27:30Oh my god, this fucking guy.
27:32I know.
27:35Well, uh, can I...
27:38Sorry.
27:39I'll move the likes.
27:43Hey.
27:44I, uh, need to tell you something.
27:47You are right.
27:48We actually do know each other.
27:51Sophomore year, Penn Model UN Conference, we hooked up.
27:56Wait, what?
27:57Yeah, I had a long hair back then.
28:00Oh my god.
28:02Yeah.
28:02You ghosted me.
28:03Which sucked, but it was a long time ago.
28:06Don't worry about it.
28:07Anyway.
28:08Goodnight.
28:22Hey.
28:24Hi.
28:25Sorry, are you in the middle of something?
28:27No, I was just finishing my yoga practice.
28:31Why are you here?
28:33At the theater, you said you were too famous to go and get a pizza.
28:38Now I'm panicking that you don't remember.
28:40No, I remember.
28:41I remember things.
28:42Well, I just wanted to say thank you for tweeting about my landlord's dance thing.
28:47I mean, I've never had less likes, but I'm glad he's happy.
28:51Look, I know I said I couldn't go out with you.
28:55But maybe we could be friends.
28:57I mean, I've never really had a female friend before.
28:59But that's cool.
29:02Wait, you're not just going to ask me for money and SNL tickets, are you?
29:05Definitely not.
29:06Unless Dua Lipa's the musical guest, then yes.
29:08Great.
29:09Well, ground rules established, friend.
29:12Goodnight.
29:14Goodnight.
29:26People so busy make me feel dizzy.
29:31Taxi light shines so bright.
29:36Every day I look at the world from my window.
29:44Thank you for everything today.
29:46Can't I make you dinner to say thanks?
29:50Hell yes!
29:53Yes!
29:55As long as I gaze on
29:57What a new sunset
29:59I am in paradise
30:04Every day I look at the world from my window.
30:13Chilly, chilly is evening time
30:16New person.
30:17My office.
30:22Uh, so did Roland like our pitch?
30:26I know.
30:27Excuse me?
30:28I know how I know you.
30:31You called me an asshole and cost me $500.
30:34Oh my god, I am so sorry about that.
30:36I had just been for a run.
30:38I think my blood sugar was off.
30:40I will see an endocrinologist-
30:41Stop!
30:42Don't ever lie to me again.
30:44I will always find out.
30:47Go.
30:53I'm a better woman than I have been.
30:57Okay, mami.
30:58I have to go.
30:59I'm going to guard the sodas.
31:01It takes two to love, but only one to leave.
31:06It was you who did that dirty deed.
31:12It's a brighter day than ever before.
31:15I got a new life, and I'm feeling right on.
31:19My head is high and my spirit is strong.
31:24Uh-huh.
31:27Yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:29Mm-mm.
31:33I got better things to do.
31:36Better things to do.
31:38Better things to do, that remember you.
31:45Cal, I have to talk to you.
31:47It's 6 a.m.
31:48Yeah, I know.
31:49My boss, Paula, has made me come in early all week to transfer at the 1988 Democratic National Convention.
31:54TGIF, right?
31:55Did you wake me up to make some more talk?
31:57No.
31:57I slept with AJ.
32:01Last night?
32:01How?
32:02No, in college.
32:03Again, how?
32:04How?
32:04The same way I pulled all the baddies in college.
32:06I blew her mind during a model UN competition.
32:09Oh, Jesus.
32:09AJ did that nerdy shit, too?
32:10It's not nerdy.
32:12It's prestigious and cool.
32:13Samuel L. Jackson, did model UN?
32:15Okay, this is not up for debate.
32:16Yeah, debate was for losers.
32:17Okay, stop.
32:18Do you have feelings for AJ?
32:19No, I never had feelings for her.
32:21I didn't even remember hooking up until she reminded me.
32:23Okay, so this is nothing.
32:24Yeah, I agree, so I have to tell Davis.
32:26No, absolutely not.
32:28He likes her too much.
32:29I don't like secrets.
32:30Journalists are built different.
32:31No, no.
32:32Remember we didn't invite Davis to our high school reunion?
32:34Now he doesn't even like it when we hang out without him.
32:36Cal, I have to believe in a world where people can change.
32:40And mature.
32:41It's Friday, fuckers!
32:45What are you guys talking about?
32:58Hey!
32:59Hey!
32:59I'm excited for our dinner tomorrow night.
33:01I'm making this recipe from Bon Appetit.
33:03I don't have a subscription, so it goes blurry after the ingredients, but I'll figure it out.
33:06Oh, that's a lot of effort.
33:09What should I bring?
33:10Nothing.
33:11This is a thank you for being you.
33:12Just bring yourself.
33:13That's enough.
33:15I'm enough.
33:15What?
33:16Hmm?
33:16Oh, do you have any allergies?
33:18Nah, nah.
33:19Only thing bro's allergic to is bad vibes.
33:21Good.
33:22I hate when guys have allergies.
33:23They're so annoying.
33:24Totally.
33:25It's a choice.
33:26Right.
33:27Dinner's at seven.
33:27Classic.
33:28Not too early.
33:29Not too late.
33:30Hey!
33:31Who fucked with the value comps on the yarn barn board deck?
33:34I did.
33:35I just noticed they excluded Michaels and Etsy, which are better comps, and make Stanson's offer
33:40look more conservative.
33:41Okay, but you have to tell me before updating a live deal.
33:43I've been hitting your slack all morning.
33:45I'm right there.
33:46In my office.
33:47You said if anyone fucking bothered you, you'd fucking eat our fucking faces.
33:53Fine.
33:54Whatever.
33:54Good catch.
33:57Hello?
33:58Bill Gibson?
34:00Where is Bill Gibson?
34:01Oh, hey, Catherine?
34:02Hey, what are you, um, what are you doing here?
34:04What am I doing here?
34:05Yeah.
34:05What are you doing here?
34:06It's our anniversary, and you left without saying goodbye.
34:08I have to work, Catherine.
34:10I am not a Romanian prince like your last boyfriend.
34:11Enough about your stupid job.
34:13I have been up since four, right?
34:14Planning a whole elaborate morning, and there's going to be chile chiles, and sex, and, uh,
34:19I guess that's it.
34:20But both of those would have been mind-blowing.
34:22Facts.
34:24Hey, I am really sorry, but can we talk about this in my office, please?
34:27No, actually, we're done.
34:28My heart cannot survive on luxury travel, and designer bags, and orgasms alone.
34:32Here, it's yours.
34:35Okay, look, I cannot talk to you when you're acting irrational like this.
34:39Irrational?
34:39Yes.
34:40You want irrational?
34:41Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
34:46I'm actually going to take that.
34:47Sell it on eBay.
34:51Get to work.
35:06Good morning.
35:07No, I need the LV shoes we put Austin in from the shoot yesterday back ASAP.
35:12Yes, on it.
35:12Where are they?
35:13Austin asked to wear them to Kid Cudi's birthday party.
35:16I don't know.
35:16I said yes.
35:16You have to go get them back.
35:18Those shoes need to be on a plane to Milan at 7 a.m. tomorrow for a photo shoot with
35:21Pharrell.
35:22Okay, okay.
35:24It'll be okay.
35:25I will text Austin now.
35:26What are you writing?
35:27You cannot back this up.
35:28Hey, we need those LV shoes back ASAP.
35:32Good.
35:33Terrible, but there's no time.
35:34I need this fixed, Abby.
35:36Okay.
35:37And?
35:38What'd he say?
35:39Abby, what did he say?
35:40I'll drop Vanessa's myself because I want to respect the friendship.
35:43That being said, the offer to hook up still stands.
35:46Why are you smiling?
35:47Hmm?
35:48What did he say?
35:49Oh, sorry.
35:50He says yes.
35:52I knew he would.
35:54Why are you still standing there?
35:56Okay.
36:02Teresa, yeah, Catherine is getting her shit out of the apartment, so find me any five-star hotel near work.
36:06No, not the Bowery.
36:07I don't need to see, like, Jared Leto at the ice machine.
36:10The Greenwich?
36:11Yeah, fine.
36:15For what it's worth, I think only our team saw the Chiliquiles incident.
36:18And maybe some of Marcher's acquisitions.
36:21Jesus Christ.
36:23You want some advice?
36:24Yes.
36:25Let me open my notes up.
36:25Never be in a relationship.
36:29Okay.
36:30Yeah, no one gets our lifestyle.
36:32I mean, they want the perks.
36:33The fancy dinners, the Hamptons, the floor seats, but they hate every sacrifice we make to get them.
36:38I get it.
36:39That's so smart.
36:40Don't be in a relationship.
36:41Anyway, I guess I will be spending the weekend drinking wine in a hotel business center.
36:51Hope you have better plans than that.
36:55I'm actually throwing a dinner thing tomorrow night.
36:58You could swing by if you feel like it.
37:02Yeah, maybe.
37:04Send me the details.
37:05Oh, okay.
37:06I will.
37:08Oh, oh my god.
37:14Hey, where are you?
37:16I've been waiting here all day.
37:19Sorry.
37:20I'm playing poker with Noah Baumbach.
37:22If I leave now, he'll take it personally.
37:23We'll be there after a few more hands.
37:25Promise.
37:26That is not a good excuse.
37:33Did you sleep here?
37:35Where are the shoes?
37:36Oh, oh.
37:37Austin said he'd have them dropped off, but he didn't.
37:40Austin doesn't work for me.
37:41You do.
37:42And because of that sad fact, Pharrell didn't get the shoes, and his shoe went a little differently
37:46than what he wanted.
37:47I'm so sorry.
37:48It's totally my fault.
37:49I will apologize to Pharrell.
37:50You think Pharrell wants an email from you?
37:52No.
37:52You'll come up with an appropriate apology and gift from me and have it in his hands by
37:56tonight.
37:56And there better not be drool on those dresses.
37:58There isn't.
38:04Josh!
38:06Yeah, man.
38:08Hey.
38:09What are you doing?
38:10It's Saturday.
38:11I'm cleaning my squash shoes.
38:12Okay.
38:13Hey, listen to this email I just got.
38:15Congratulations, Kel Washington.
38:16We like your look.
38:18Out of thousands of submissions, Lignicity Solutions has cast you as a new face of our
38:22global pilot program.
38:23What?
38:24That's great.
38:24What does it mean?
38:25It means I just worked out and I need to shower for my shoot today.
38:28I get that, but I'm playing squash with my dad in an hour, and I need to finish steaming
38:32the creases out of my new squash wipes or harass me.
38:35That is way less important.
38:37No, it's not.
38:38I've had the shittiest work week of my life.
38:40So today is all about chilling out, and that starts with a game of squash with my dad.
38:44Nothing puts me in a good mood like watching that man move.
38:47Oh, it never gets old.
38:48It's weird how much you love your dad.
38:49Sorry, Mom.
38:50I'm not engaging with this negativity.
38:52Today's about fun.
38:53Squash with Dad, followed by lunch at Katz's Deli.
38:55But do I eat my whole hot pastrami there?
38:57No.
38:58I take home half and eat it while watching the greatest movie of all time.
39:02Broadcast news.
39:02Hey, all right, guys, shut up.
39:03I have something very serious to talk to you about.
39:05I cannot sleep with AJ after our first date tonight.
39:08Is it a date?
39:08No.
39:09She's making me a fancy dinner because she doesn't want to bounce on my lap and have ten kids.
39:12She said, I'm enough, Joshua.
39:15Okay, then when the night's over, just go home.
39:16Don't be an idiot.
39:17With the way I kiss, she'll be begging for it.
39:19She'll be dick sick.
39:19And just don't kiss her.
39:21Of course I'm going to kiss her.
39:23That's the rules.
39:24First date is for getting to know each other.
39:25Tell her one little piece of childhood trauma, then we kiss.
39:28Second date, fuck city.
39:30Why is this important?
39:30Because if the kiss gets too hot, we will be on the express train to fuck city.
39:34Who cares?
39:35If she's into it, good.
39:36Bad.
39:36This needs to be a slow courtship.
39:39This is love, not lust.
39:40I don't want to be seen as just a great lay in her eyes.
39:42I want to...
39:43I want to maybe be her husband.
39:45What is the information you wanted to share?
39:47Okay, to make sure that there's zero chance I spend the night, I'm going to tell her I
39:51have early morning plans to take you, Josh, to the diarrhea doctor.
39:56Awesome.
39:56Sounds good to me.
39:57Please get out.
39:57No, not awesome.
39:58Do not tell her that.
39:59It's perfect.
40:00It's gross, and there's a kernel of truth because you do have a bad tummy.
40:03I mean, you just spend an hour in the bathroom.
40:05Steaming my whites.
40:06Do not tell her I'm going to the diarrhea doctor.
40:09I won't be really mad if you do.
40:13Okay, I won't.
40:17I'm telling you, I slept with her.
40:18No.
40:19Yeah.
40:19No!
40:23If I can't get these shoes back, I'm going to get fired.
40:26I feel like you're overthinking this.
40:27I bet Pharrell would like one of those chubs of caramel corn.
40:30I'm not sending caramel corn to Pharrell Williams.
40:32Cheddar corn?
40:33Hey, I just bought you a little chalkboard to label cheeses, so can you stop cleaning and
40:37focus on me right now, please?
40:38Sorry, it's just Bill is coming to the dinner tonight.
40:41Your boss, Bill?
40:43How?
40:43I impulsively invited him, and now he might come.
40:46It can't just be the three of us.
40:47You need to come too and invite your cool, artsy friends.
40:49I know they're free.
40:50None of them have jobs.
40:51Please, please, please, please.
40:52I'm literally trying to save my ass right now and buy your friends.
40:55I don't have any.
40:56You're my friend.
40:57I'm one of those people who only has one friend.
40:59Okay, happy?
40:59Okay, okay.
41:00I will put out an S.O.S.
41:04And for what it's worth, Bill's favorite wine is very expensive, and I bought a lot of
41:08it.
41:09Wait, wait, wait, wait.
41:10You expensive?
41:12Or Pharrell expensive?
41:13Me?
41:14Ugh, useless.
41:16Oh, and don't breathe too deeply.
41:17I used a lot of oven cleaner.
41:19The air in here is poison.
41:20Yeah, I don't care how many leg bathes you do, I'm going to beat your ass in straight sets.
41:27So I'm losing?
41:28I guess I will, hotshot.
41:30Why don't you put your money where your calves are?
41:32How about that?
41:36Kel, welcome to the AI motion capture room.
41:38It's pretty small, huh?
41:40Perfect.
41:41Love that smirk, Kel.
41:42You can't make a face like that.
41:44Believe me, we've tried.
41:46Oh, shoot.
41:46I'm sorry.
41:47No, no, you're good.
41:47You can go ahead and take it.
41:49One more smile, and then we're going to move on to frowns and confusion.
41:53What are you doing tonight?
41:54Want to come over at seven?
41:56Yes, no, yes.
41:56That smile's perfect.
41:58You're going to make us all rich, Kel.
41:59Well, I'm just really happy to be here.
42:00This is like the start of a whole new era for me.
42:02AI?
42:02It's a whole new era for all of us.
42:04Next month, we're literally pitching a movie with, no joke, zero human actors.
42:08Wait, zero actors?
42:09Why?
42:10Have you ever met one?
42:11Kill me.
42:22Well played, Dad.
42:23Almost at you.
42:24Niels, my Swiss coach has really refined my game.
42:27Of course, he wants a green card now.
42:28Meanwhile, I'd kill the living gestad.
42:30You and me both, Dad.
42:32How's work?
42:32Work's okay.
42:33If they don't really take me seriously.
42:36Well, I can make some calls to say the word your VP of News.
42:39It's not a moneymaker anymore.
42:40No, I can't be the guy that always gets daddy and make things better for him.
42:43My coworkers hate me.
42:44No, they're just jealous of you.
42:46Look, it's admirable.
42:47You're trying to fit in, but it's disingenuous to think you're not different.
42:50Your life is going to be a lot easier when you just accept that.
42:53That sounds kind of elitist.
42:55Well, I would happily take your trust fund and donate it to Girls Inc.
42:57Quick surf.
42:58Ow!
42:59God damn it.
43:01Stay focused.
43:01Gotta stay focused.
43:06I know your mouth is telling me my wine is here, but my eyeballs are telling me it isn't.
43:14I'm sorry.
43:15Who's time for it?
43:20Where is my wine, asshole?
43:22AJ?
43:23What are you talking about?
43:24I don't drink wine.
43:26I drink mescal.
43:26Oh, please.
43:27You signed for my Chateau Nuit Cuvée, you thief, and now it is gone.
43:30I only signed for it because that's what we do for each other in the building.
43:33We're a community who takes care of each other.
43:36It's an old immigrant mentality.
43:37Well, some asshole in our community stole it, and now you owe me six bottles of really nice shit by
43:427 p.m.,
43:43and it better not come in a box, you lazy dickhead.
43:46First of all, I would never buy boxed wine.
43:48Second of all, you're opening the wine at 7?
43:50You don't want to give it time to breathe?
43:53Hello?
43:57Hey, Davis, have you had a chance to look at that, like, ethnicity contract I sent you?
44:00Doing it now, buddy.
44:02Okay, thank you.
44:03I didn't realize it was an evil AI company.
44:05You think I can get out of it?
44:07Oh, God, no!
44:09For real?
44:09Oh, no.
44:10Is it forever?
44:11Fuck!
44:12Those is legal!
44:15All right, career saved!
44:17I just sent Vanessa 20 gift ideas for Pharrell.
44:20There's an Hermes blanket, a Diptyque of the Month Club.
44:23I mean, they're all so expensive.
44:24One of them has to be gold.
44:25I don't know what those are, so I'm sure they're great.
44:27Whoa!
44:28Your makeup looks amazing!
44:30Full disclosure, a 14-year-old on YouTube helped me with the cat eye.
44:34Is this for Davis?
44:35The guy who fell down the stairs during Cinco de Mayo?
44:37What?
44:38No.
44:40Wait, is this for your boss?
44:42Is your boss hot?
44:43I mean, I don't know.
44:44He's, like, really good at his job, and he's super charismatic.
44:48Oh, God, don't Google him.
44:49Don't Google him!
44:51Oh, my God.
44:52He is so hot.
44:54He looks good even in his corporate photo.
44:56You little fucking liar.
44:57How could you keep this from me?
44:58I mean, I'm sure he cleans up at the office.
45:00Oh, he would never.
45:01No, that's not his reputation at all.
45:03He's above that.
45:04You have a crush.
45:05No, I don't.
45:06I just really admire him.
45:08But, yes, he's objectively handsome.
45:11Well, just in case, let's fix your eye makeup.
45:13I thought you said it was good.
45:14It's not Bill Gibson good, and Kel is the only other person coming, so there's no place
45:19to hide.
45:19What?
45:20It's only Kel?
45:21I'm sorry.
45:22No!
45:28Excuse me, young man.
45:29Can I see some ID?
45:30Wait, Vivian?
45:31Good to see you.
45:32Oh, thanks, Josh.
45:34Oh, you're okay?
45:36It's nothing.
45:37Just a small penis injury.
45:38Not a small penis injury.
45:40A small injury on my massive penis.
45:43I got that.
45:45How are you?
45:46You look great.
45:47What brings you back to Marie Hill?
45:49I'm just getting some wine for a drink and draw class.
45:52I'm hoping that if I get really drunk, I will discover I'm an incredible artist.
45:57So, how are things going with Eric, the property brother?
46:00Oh, he died.
46:02What?
46:02No, I wish he died.
46:04He sucked and he dumped me.
46:06I mean, you were right.
46:07It's so embarrassing that I fell for the first famous person I ever met.
46:11I get it.
46:12I once hugged John Stewart on the F train.
46:16Well, I'm sorry.
46:18Hey, babe.
46:20Babe, have your natural wine.
46:21Do we have to bring enough to share?
46:22Um, no.
46:23It's just for us.
46:24Cool.
46:24Josh, you remember Brett from my work, right?
46:27Wait, you're dating Brett, your co-worker?
46:29Guilty.
46:35Brett, who always invited you to run club and you said I didn't have to worry because
46:37he was such a loser?
46:39Perfect.
46:40Hey.
46:40No need to be hostile, man.
46:42No need to touch me, man.
46:44So great.
46:45I'm running a new fan.
46:52Hey.
46:53All set?
46:54Yep.
46:54Wish me luck.
46:58Lungy.
46:58Oh, my bad.
47:02Oh, were you walking me to AJ's?
47:03That is so nice.
47:04You know, we really should walk each other places more often.
47:07No, Abby actually invited me over.
47:09I think she wants to have up.
47:10During my dinner?
47:12I guess.
47:13I don't know.
47:14The message was cryptic.
47:15You know what that means.
47:16Who has sex at 7 p.m.?
47:19Good evening, gentlemen.
47:20Entrez-vous.
47:21Your dinner awaits.
47:22Hi.
47:22Hey, thank you.
47:23You look great.
47:24Can I talk to you for a sec?
47:26Mm-hmm.
47:26So, I noticed Kel's at my thank you dinner.
47:30Do you owe him a thank you, too?
47:31Oh, no.
47:32I just thought it would be more fun to have more people.
47:34Oh, because I was thinking it was a more intimate two-person thing.
47:37I wasn't ready to turn on the party charm.
47:39Oh, but I bet you can.
47:40Davis, you're so funny.
47:42Well, yes, that's true.
47:44You know what?
47:45It'll be fine.
47:46Just excuse me one second while I go kill myself.
47:49What?
47:50No, I'm kidding.
47:51That's my famous humor.
47:53Bathroom?
48:02My romantic date is a dinner party.
48:05I'm an idiot.
48:05Should I leave?
48:06Maybe mess with our toothbrush?
48:08Look, I just bumped into Vivian and her new boyfriend.
48:11Yeah, I don't want to hear about your shit right now, Josh.
48:13It's relevant.
48:15This guy, Brett, always liked her and just played the long game
48:19by being her friend.
48:20So he cupped you?
48:21No, I mean, it was a larger lesson.
48:23You can't keep Vivian satisfied?
48:25Just shut up and listen.
48:26The point is, many great relationships start as friends.
48:32So I should just be AJ's friend?
48:34Yes.
48:36Maybe one day, win her heart and cuck some Melvin.
48:40It's worth a shot.
48:41Okay, I'm hanging up now.
48:44I'm afraid all I can offer you to drink right now
48:47is Abby's peppermint liqueur from last Christmas
48:49because your shithead roommate, Josh,
48:51let someone steal all my wine.
48:52That's fine.
48:53But are we going to eat dinner soon?
48:54I kind of had a different idea of how tonight was going to go
48:56and now I don't care if I'm bloated.
48:58Okay, well, we actually have another special guest coming.
49:01Another guest?
49:02Great.
49:03I love groups.
49:04It's fine.
49:04We can start with the oysters.
49:06I shucked them and made the minionette myself.
49:09What?
49:09Peppermint liqueur and oysters?
49:11So refreshing.
49:12Salud.
49:15Is it good?
49:16Are you kidding me?
49:17It's better than good.
49:18It's like having a tiny wet tongue in my mouth.
49:20So where's that drink?
49:22Oh, one sec.
49:23Let me help you.
49:24Dude, aren't you crazy allergic to shellfish?
49:27One little guy is fine and you saw how proud she was.
49:29I'll be right back.
49:37Benadryl, Benadryl, Benadryl.
49:38Benadryl.
49:42Benadryl.
49:46Damn it.
49:48You don't have to drink that.
49:49No, no, it's actually good.
49:50This would slab with some chocolate milk.
49:52Oh, that's genius.
49:53Did we just invent a new cocktail?
49:54Oui.
49:55What did you do?
49:56Gabby, could you try this?
49:57Of course.
49:58It's Vanessa.
49:59Oh, give me one second.
50:01Hi.
50:02Vanessa, did you get my list?
50:03I did.
50:04And I was blown away by how terrible it was.
50:07Pharrell is a visionary, not some new money private school mom.
50:09Oh, yes, I totally get that.
50:11I actually have a thousand much better ideas flooding my brain.
50:13Name one.
50:15Too slow.
50:17God, I'm going to get fired.
50:22Hey, did you change?
50:24Yeah.
50:24Is that my turtleneck?
50:26Relax.
50:26We share things.
50:27I'm also wearing your deodorant.
50:29Davis, could you try this?
50:30Yes.
50:31What is it?
50:31It's like a seafood gumbo.
50:34Yummy.
50:35Get in my belly.
50:37Oh.
50:37Here, have some lobster.
50:39Is it good?
50:40So good.
50:41Want another taste?
50:42No, because I want to wait for dinner.
50:44You sure?
50:44Because you didn't really get any of the good bits.
50:46Get this little bit.
50:49Mmm.
50:53You know, a lot of people don't like AI, but I think it could be a great tool for actors
50:57to break into the industry.
50:59Oh, goddammit.
51:00I know.
51:00It's shady as hell.
51:01What have I done?
51:02This could lead to the entire collapse of the art of acting.
51:05Idris Elba's going to hate me.
51:06No, sorry.
51:08Cartier's refusing to make a miniature crystal hat for Pharrell.
51:11Hats are his thing.
51:12If this doesn't work, I don't know what I'm going to do.
51:16Davis, you're back.
51:17Let's eat.
51:18You know, aren't we waiting for another guest?
51:19You know, I don't want to be rude.
51:20Oh, I am.
51:21I don't think he's coming.
51:23Okay.
51:23But it still feels early to eat, right?
51:25Like we're still in the chit-chat phase of the evening?
51:27Like, uh, like, uh, like tell us what it was like to go to UPIN.
51:31Yeah, I love it there.
51:32Oh, you've been?
51:32Have I ever?
51:33Once.
51:34I went with Josh.
51:35Sophomore year?
51:36Yeah, exactly.
51:37I went there for lacrosse, and Josh was there with his nerdy model UN group.
51:40Oh, shit.
51:40Let's just say it was an insane weekend.
51:43And what happened?
51:44Oh, all right.
51:45So, opening whistle.
51:46I win the faceoff.
51:47I take it down the sideline.
51:48No, skip to later that night, please.
51:50Okay.
51:50Well, I threw up and fell asleep under a pool table.
51:52But our Joshy, he hooked up big time.
51:55Davis, this story is really boring.
51:57Maybe we should go back to the lacrosse game.
51:58Davis is talking, Kel.
51:59Yes, continue.
51:59Okay.
52:00Uh, some girl on the model UN team threw herself at Josh.
52:05What?
52:05What can I say?
52:06Our boy's got game.
52:07Not that he needed it that night.
52:08I did not throw myself at him.
52:13What?
52:15You...
52:17You're the Philadelphia Thirst Monster?
52:19The Philadelphia Thirst Monster?
52:23Hello?
52:24I'm here with your stupid wine.
52:27You called me the Philadelphia Thirst Monster?
52:30You slept with AJ and you never told me!
52:32No, I didn't.
52:33How?
52:33Damn it!
52:37How could you call me the Philadelphia Thirst Monster?
52:40Yeah, how could you call her that and not tell me it was her you were calling that?
52:43I'm sorry, but are you okay?
52:45You're like very sweaty.
52:46Yeah, dog.
52:47Because I've been betrayed.
52:49The only one who has been betrayed is me.
52:52I was neither thirsty nor a monster.
52:55Oh, okay.
52:56Well, to quote Buckingham Palace, recollections may vary.
52:59What does that mean?
53:00At the post-competition mixer, you waited outside the bathroom to introduce yourself.
53:04I hadn't fully zipped.
53:06You did?
53:06That doesn't make me thirsty.
53:08I was being friendly.
53:09You were like, is your dorm room big?
53:12Can I see it?
53:13Could you have been more obvious?
53:14I was being curious.
53:15Sorry I'm interested in campus architecture.
53:17Ben Franklin founded that shit.
53:18Oh my god.
53:19And I'm sorry I was interested in you.
53:21When I woke up, he was gone.
53:23He totally ghosted me after we had sex.
53:26And he never even texted me back.
53:27Okay, you gotta leave a note, bro.
53:29It's just a classy thing to do.
53:30Yeah, that's what every girl does to me.
53:31Oh, come on.
53:33What?
53:34Like, you don't know why I ghosted you.
53:36I honestly don't.
53:41Fine.
53:43It's because the second we were done, she said, is that it?
53:48Yes.
53:49I didn't.
53:49I don't remember.
53:51Oh.
53:53Oh, I did say that for sure.
53:55I'm sorry.
53:56That's inexcusable.
53:57Yeah, because it means you have a small dick.
53:58Or because you came too fast.
54:00Or even worse, you didn't come at all.
54:02We get the implication.
54:02Abby, it's not that bad, right?
54:04Girl, I think that all the time.
54:06But I keep it to myself.
54:08Okay, I wasn't going to bring this up.
54:11But the only reason I said that is because it was a genuine question.
54:17Because I had never done it before.
54:21You were AJ's first?
54:23And you ghosted her?
54:24And you sucked at sex?
54:25How was I supposed to know it was your first time?
54:27Oh, you just assume all girls from Penn are sluts.
54:31Josh, I need you to apologize to AJ this instant.
54:35Stop eating those.
54:36I'm supporting my friend.
54:37Apparently, my only friend killed.
54:39Davis is right.
54:40Apologize to me.
54:41No, I will not.
54:43There is no way.
54:44I could have known she was a virgin.
54:45So, I'm going to go.
54:48And I'm taking this with me.
54:51Oh, hello.
54:54Austin Blanchett!
54:56Oh, my God!
54:58Davis!
54:59Hey!
54:59Oh, my God!
55:01Oh, no.
55:06So, you had an acute allergic reaction to shellfish and also adrenaline poisoning from
55:11using multiple EpiPens.
55:13Why would you do that?
55:14For love and heartbreak.
55:17Okay.
55:17Well, neither of those are medical problems, so I'm going to go.
55:21Thanks, Doc.
55:21You're the best.
55:22And you guys are the worst.
55:24We're sorry.
55:24Josh wanted to tell you I said no for reasons that were well-illustrated this evening.
55:28But honestly, would telling you have made you feel any better?
55:30I guess we'll never know, will we?
55:32Come on.
55:33Fine.
55:34But promise me that you'll never lie to me again.
55:37Unless it's for, like, a surprise birthday party.
55:39Sure.
55:39Yeah, we promise.
55:40First test, then.
55:41Do you still have any feelings for AJ?
55:43Hell no.
55:44Kill me.
55:44Barf.
55:45Okay.
55:45You passed.
55:46This time.
55:48Hey.
55:49No phones in the hospital, man.
55:51Electromagnetism is no joke.
55:53Oh, my God.
55:54Wait.
55:54Are the girls checking in on me?
55:56No.
55:56Dude, I just got paid 10 grand for my shoot.
55:58Oh!
55:58You guys are looking at a working actor.
56:00Oh, my God.
56:01Holy shit.
56:02Oh, shit.
56:03My IV fell off.
56:04I'm so sorry.
56:04Nurse!
56:05Pre-med.
56:05Nurse!
56:07Look, I'm sorry about the shoes, but I can make it up to you.
56:10We're going to SNL tonight, and Zendaya is hosting.
56:12Are you serious?
56:14No.
56:14No, no, no.
56:15You can't bribe your way out of this by taking me to SNL.
56:17You can take me.
56:19Go away.
56:19My career is over if I can come up with a gift for Pharrell, because of something you
56:23did.
56:24Wait.
56:24These are for Pharrell?
56:25Yeah.
56:25I was at Topgolf with him and Sally Rooney last week.
56:28I didn't give him a call.
56:29Wait.
56:29I know what you can do.
56:31You are taking me to SNL.
56:32Great.
56:33You've got to live.
56:34No.
56:34I am dressing you head to toe in Pharrell's upcoming resort collection.
56:38And when we get to SNL, you will be posing for Pabst and posting it.
56:41Yeah, no.
56:41I don't really post pictures of myself on Instagram.
56:43It's basic.
56:44No, you are posting it on your grid and on your stories and including a thank you to
56:48Vanessa.
56:50Okay.
56:50That seems fair.
56:51Of course it's fair.
56:52It's completely your fault.
56:54But thank you.
56:55Hey.
56:56So just to be clear, where did we land on me going to SNL?
57:00Do you even like comedy?
57:02No.
57:02You're right.
57:03Not really.
57:04Have fun.
57:04Austin Blanchard.
57:06Stop.
57:12Why?
57:13Why?
57:14I saw the taped out takes of the interview with a girl.
57:18I know you acted your reaction after the interview.
57:24I almost did it the first time.
57:26Oh, hey.
57:27I'll go back in.
57:28No, don't.
57:29It's okay.
57:34I'm sorry.
57:35I shouldn't have called you the Philadelphia thirst monster.
57:39I only did it because I was so humiliated.
57:45Is it really that bad to say, is that it?
57:47I know.
57:47It's just, uh...
57:50What?
57:52It's also my first time.
57:54Oh, my God.
57:57So I scarred you forever.
58:00Not forever, but it definitely really hurt my confidence.
58:04And that's why I left.
58:07I'm sorry.
58:08No, I get it.
58:09I'm sorry, too.
58:14Can you not tell anyone?
58:16The guys don't even know.
58:17Of course.
58:18It'll be our little secret.
58:29You know, it is, like, a lot colder out here than I thought it was going to be,
58:33so I'm going to go back in.
58:34Good luck at the diarrhea, doctor, tomorrow.
58:43Are you sure this is the right building?
58:47Yeah.
58:49No.
58:50What am I doing?
58:51Take me back to the Greenwich.