- 29 minutes ago
The collaboration between Jack Benny and Groucho Marx is celebrated as one of the finest pairings in classic comedy history. While they crossed paths several times across radio and television, their most famous crossover happened on April 3, 1955, during a television episode of The Jack Benny Program titled "Jack Is a Contestant".
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00:00From Television City in Hollywood, the Jack Benny program with his special guest, Roucho Marx, presented by Lucky Strike.
00:20Oh, oh yes, boss. I just did some of your shirts that brought in the mail.
00:30Hey, hey, hey, hey. Anything important?
00:32Oh, I didn't know if there was anything important.
00:38Say, Mr. Benny.
00:40Yeah?
00:41On your last trip to Europe, did you go as an ambassador?
00:44No.
00:46Have you ever been an ambassador?
00:48Well, of course not.
00:50Then I think I'll scorch one of your shirts a little.
00:55Well, for heaven's sakes, watch it next time.
00:58Yes.
01:00Say, I see you opened that box they sent over here from the wardrobe department.
01:04Yeah, they sent me a lot of costumes over to try on, but don't bother hanging them up. I picked
01:09one up.
01:14The boss sure is excited about that costume party Mr. Darrell Zanax's given.
01:19I'll never forget the last time he went to a masquerade party.
01:22He disguised himself as a waiter.
01:24He fooled all the people and kept all the tips.
01:32You want me to help you with your costume?
01:34No, no, I've got it on.
01:36I'll be right out.
01:37Okay.
01:38Where's the mail?
01:39Over here on the table.
01:57What are you looking at?
01:59I don't know.
02:00What are you supposed to be?
02:02Little boy blue, of course.
02:05How are you?
02:06I wouldn't wear that costume.
02:07Why not?
02:09Your legs are too skinny.
02:11They are not.
02:12Look at that muscle.
02:13Where?
02:14Right there.
02:15That's your kneecap!
02:18Oh, yeah.
02:21Oh, well.
02:24Oh, Rochester, I wish you'd talk to the postman and tell him about my mail always being late.
02:31Late?
02:31Yeah.
02:32Look at here.
02:33Here's the letter I got notifying me that my option was picked up.
02:37Well, that's the one you've been waiting for.
02:39But this is from Jell-O.
02:46Imagine us being that late.
02:49Say, here's a costume you might like to wear.
02:51A cowboy outfit.
02:53Okay.
02:54Here's the hat.
02:56Nice.
02:59Here's the shirt.
03:01Uh-huh.
03:02Now, for the pants.
03:05Oh, here they are.
03:07Here's the pants.
03:22They must belong to Gary Cooper.
03:26You think so?
03:29Yep.
03:33Hey, Rochester, look what it says here in the television sheet in the paper.
03:36It says, Bob Hope was sensational at the Academy Awards.
03:40He was never funnier.
03:41Which only proves once again that Hope is the best master of ceremonies and the greatest comedian.
03:47Hmm.
03:49Why don't they print news instead of opinions?
03:55Let's see what's on the television here.
03:58It says, the plot of this week's General Electric Theater will deal with a lady lecturer and her high-pressure
04:02agent.
04:03The jackpot on Groucho Marx's You Bet Your Life program tonight will be $3,000.
04:09Robert Montgomery will...
04:12$3,000.
04:19Imagine giving $3,000 just for answering one question.
04:30Tasha, you know, I'd like to go over there and get on Groucho Marx's program for tonight.
04:36But boss, he'll recognize you.
04:38And besides, they don't use actors on that show.
04:41Yeah.
04:42But look, Rochester, I can disguise myself, so even Groucho won't recognize me.
04:47Yeah, but what about the costume party?
04:48I'd rather go on Groucho Marx's show.
04:51Anyway, you know, Mr. Zanuck won't miss me at his party.
04:56No, especially since you weren't invited.
04:59Yeah.
05:01Well, good luck, boss.
05:03And since it's my night off, I'll just turn your bed down now and I think I'll leave early.
05:07Okay.
05:08Gee, $3,000.
05:09Maybe I can win it.
05:09I ought to get some suit here that would fit, maybe.
05:13This might be it.
05:15Say, boss, do you think you're doing the right thing?
05:17Oh, sure, sure.
05:18He'll never recognize me.
05:20I think I'll leave.
05:38Uh-oh, another hole in the mattress.
05:47What are you laughing at?
05:49Boss, with you sleeping on a ceiling is like sleeping on a bank.
05:54Get shaken up a little bit and make room for $3,000.
05:57I'm going to change my clothes.
05:59I'll see you later.
06:07This makeup that we're wearing, we hope will look familiar.
06:11We couldn't feel much sillier.
06:13It's really quite bizarre.
06:18They said put on some glasses, a mustache and black eyebrows.
06:22And though you look like highbrows, they'll still know who you are.
06:29And so with no concession, and not the least discretion, we offer this impression, you see.
06:37The man whom we are playing is one who's always paying.
06:41He's one who's always saying.
06:43Meet Groucho.
06:44Hey, that's me.
06:45That's me.
06:46That's me.
06:47That's me.
06:48Hooray for our friend Groucho.
06:51His ad-libs are the quickest.
06:52His repartee the slickest.
06:54Of any word we know.
06:56When Groucho meets Jack Benny, will Benny bet a penny?
07:00That he can answer any of the questions on the show.
07:07Will Groucho meet his master?
07:09Will Benny be the faster?
07:11It might end in disaster.
07:13Who knows?
07:15We'll bet that Groucho hollers.
07:17If Benny really collars.
07:19The whole $3,000.
07:20My, how the tension grows.
07:26And now it's time to light up.
07:28A better tasting lucky.
07:30That cleaner, fresher lucky.
07:32That smoother lucky strike.
07:34You simply cannot measure.
07:36That deep down smoking pleasure.
07:37You say that it's a treasure.
07:39It's luckies that you like.
07:41L-S-S-S-S-M-F-F-L-S-M-F-T.
07:45L-S-S-S-S-S-M-F-F-F-L-S-M-F-T.
07:49It's light up time all over.
07:51From Timbuktu and Dover.
07:53With lucky square and clover.
07:54You see.
07:56And just to keep you posted.
07:58Oh, better taste they're toasted.
08:00And that is why we've posted.
08:02And always say,
08:04It's lucky's driving for me.
08:26Welcome, welcome, welcome. Now, tell me, Miss Johnson, how old are you?
08:31Nineteen.
08:31Nineteen. Are you engaged or married or anything?
08:35No, sir.
08:35Oh, well, do you have a boyfriend?
08:38No, sir.
08:39Well, do you have a DeSoto?
08:40No.
08:41Well, go to your DeSoto Plymouth dealer and tell them Groucho sent you.
08:46Well, I'm sorry, but you don't send me.
08:52Well, tell me, sailor, how come you have no decorations or ribbons?
08:56Well, sir, I just enlisted in the Navy and I've never been on a battleship.
09:00I've never seen action.
09:01You've got a lot to learn, sailor.
09:04Well, sailor see action.
09:05They're not on a battleship.
09:06They're on shore leave.
09:09Anyway, don't worry about it.
09:10In a few years, you'll probably have your whole chest covered with medals.
09:14Oh, I don't think so, sir.
09:16I don't think so either.
09:17I just threw that in in case your girlfriend was about you.
09:20I didn't want to embarrass you.
09:22You needn't have bothered.
09:23I don't have a girlfriend.
09:25You haven't got a girlfriend?
09:26No, sir.
09:27Well, take off that uniform.
09:28You can get in trouble impersonating a sailor.
09:33When you think of it, if you take off that uniform here, we'll all be in trouble.
09:38Well, you don't have a girlfriend?
09:40No, sir.
09:41As a matter of fact, I haven't even kissed a girl.
09:44Well, with Miss Johnson's permission, we're going to remedy that.
09:46Would you like to kiss Miss Johnson here?
09:48Oh, well, I don't know.
09:50Well, go ahead, sailor.
09:52If there's a first time for everything, go on, kiss her.
10:18Notice one of the most interesting books I've ever read.
10:24Pardon me just a minute.
10:25I hate to interrupt this, but have you read this book?
10:30No, sir.
10:30Well, hold it.
10:31I'll be right back.
10:40Now that we've all seen action, let's have a little action on the show.
10:46The category you selected is geography, and you know the rules.
10:49How much do you want to bet on your first question?
10:52$30.
10:52$30.
10:53$30.
10:54Okay, here we go for $30.
10:55New York is known as the Empire State.
10:57What is Texas known as?
10:58The Lone Star State.
11:00That's right.
11:00You now have $130.
11:02Now, what question will you try next?
11:03How about $50?
11:05$50?
11:06What was the last state admitted to the Union?
11:09Arizona.
11:10Right again.
11:11You now have $180.
11:13Now, what question will you try?
11:15$60.
11:16$60.
11:17Under what new name is the country of Persia now known?
11:21I ran.
11:23That gives you $240.
11:25Now, here's your last chance to beat the other couples.
11:26What will you select?
11:29We'll try the hardest one, the $100 one.
11:31$100?
11:31Okay.
11:32What was the name of the governor of New York who purchased the island of Manhattan from
11:36the Indians for $24?
11:39Oh, that was Peter.
11:41Peter Stevenson.
11:42I'm sorry, it was Peter Minuet, but you have $120, and it was nice meeting you.
11:46Thanks, and good luck from the DeSoto Plymouth Dealers.
11:55The second couple is now leading with $120, and the secret word is telephone.
12:00If any of our contestants say the word telephone, they'll divide $100.
12:03For our next couple, we selected a doctor and a musician.
12:07Will you come in, please?
12:09Welcome, welcome to the DeSoto Plymouth Dealers.
12:23What's your specialty, doctor?
12:25I'm the musician.
12:29And you must be the doctor, because the other thing standing here is a microphone.
12:35Yes, I'm the doctor.
12:36I'm a psychiatrist.
12:37Say, your face looks familiar.
12:39Haven't we met before?
12:40I don't think so, Roucho.
12:43And what is your name, miss?
12:45No, this is the lady.
12:46Oh, I see.
12:50Either I'll have to get my glasses fixed, or you'll have to do your hair differently.
12:59I don't think he's kidding.
13:02What is your name?
13:04Dr. Jeanette Eyman.
13:05I'm a psychiatrist.
13:06A psychiatrist.
13:06Well, if I knew you were coming, I'd have built a couch.
13:11Now, getting on to you, what is your name, sir?
13:15Forsythe.
13:16Ronald Forsythe.
13:17Ronald, huh?
13:19It was Rodney during rehearsal.
13:29It's certainly a cheap way of sucking around Coleman.
13:31Now, are you a musician?
13:35You're a musician, Mr. Forsythe?
13:37Yes, sir.
13:37I'm with the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra.
13:41I'm the first violinist there.
13:43You could have been the first violinist, period.
13:50You could have just escaped from Phil Spatone's group.
13:56Where were you born, Rod?
13:57You don't mind if I call you Rod, huh?
13:59No, no, no.
14:00Instead of Ron...
14:00I was born in Chipland Switch, Mississippi.
14:05Mississippi, eh?
14:06Well, what happened to your accent?
14:08Oh, well, nothing.
14:09You all just didn't notice it.
14:12Now, show now.
14:16Well, okay, and I think we'd better get started and play you bet your life.
14:20Now, the secret word is a very familiar object, and it's something found around the house.
14:24Well, what happens if I guess the secret word?
14:27Well, you get $100, which you two divide.
14:30Divide?
14:32Well, of course.
14:33If she says the secret word, she'll divide it with you.
14:36Oh, well, I wasn't arguing about that part of it.
14:41Not only is your face familiar, but so is your philosophy.
14:47I'm sorry, Mr. Forsythe, uh, Rod, but the rules say you have to divide it.
14:52Now, you say the secret word, which is something found around the house.
14:56The duck will come down and pay you $100.
14:59Something around the house, yes.
15:00Where's the duck?
15:01The duck?
15:02Well, where would you find it?
15:03He's up there, of course.
15:05Don't worry, he's right up there.
15:07Now, where do you live, Rod?
15:09Well, right now, I'm living in Glendale.
15:11Glendale.
15:12Yes, I have a little home there with six rooms and windows and window shades and Venetian blinds
15:20and tables and chairs and spoons and saucers and dishes and rugs and, uh, knives and boards.
15:32Hold it, hold it.
15:33Why are you telling me all this?
15:35Well, you said that the secret word is something around the house.
15:41I can't get over how familiar you look.
15:49Tell me, doctor, have you ever seen him before?
15:52No, but I've treated cases like him.
15:56Probably use a double couch, don't you?
15:59Now, getting back to you, Rodney, is the violin you play, uh, Stradivarius?
16:06Oh, no, no, you see, I, I, you have to be rich to be able to have a Stradivarius.
16:10See, I'm poor.
16:11I, all I have around my house are towels and rugs and, uh, ashtrays.
16:20Look, enough of that already.
16:21Now, Rodney, you say you, you don't have a Stradivarius?
16:24No, sir.
16:25You know, I heard that a lot of imitation strads have been made and sold.
16:29I know, but they could never fool me because, you see, I, I could tell a phony.
16:34I guessed it!
16:35I guessed it!
16:36I guessed the word!
16:37I guessed the word!
16:39I guessed it!
16:40I guessed it!
16:41I guessed the word!
16:42Hold it, hold it, hold it.
16:44There's been a mistake.
16:45The duck thought you said the secret word, but you didn't.
16:47What?
16:48Secret word is telephone, and you said telephony.
16:51Well, I got an impediment in my speech.
16:52I always say that.
16:53I say telephony, I say, yes, you're phony.
16:55Well, I say, I use, I use polony.
16:57I say it all the time.
16:59You use polony when you shave?
17:01Yeah, yeah.
17:02Well, in the sentence you use, you said you wouldn't be fooled because you can telephony.
17:07Well, you didn't let me finish the sentence.
17:08I said, I was going to telephony a friend of mine who's a violin expert.
17:12That's what I was going to say.
17:15What's his name, this friend?
17:24We've got a friend.
17:25Well, okay, they say the customer's all right, but I don't know how that applies to you.
17:29You sound like the type who's never been a customer.
17:31I don't care.
17:32Just let me at this duck.
17:34So.
17:43There must be more where that came from.
17:46Well, there was, but he just flew in from Las Vegas.
17:50Get back home there and let's not request it.
17:53Okay.
17:56Hey, hold it.
17:57Oh, wait a minute.
17:58Wait a minute.
17:58You're supposed to divide that money with her.
18:00Well, as soon as I get some change, I'll give her $10.
18:03He told me to divide it.
18:05He didn't say how.
18:07You know, Groucho, I made a mistake before.
18:09I never have had a case like him.
18:12All right.
18:12I'll give you a half of people you run into on these programs.
18:17All right, but stop whining and let's get on with the questions here.
18:21You selected the miscellaneous category.
18:23Now, which question do you want?
18:24Remember, the questions are from $10 to $100.
18:27$10 ones are easy and they get more difficult as you progress.
18:30Now, what question do you want to start with?
18:33Well, we'll try the $70 one.
18:35See, that's a hard one.
18:36All right, for $70, what ship now holds the transatlantic speed record?
18:42The same ship, United States.
18:44Correct, you have $170.
18:46Now, what question will you try now?
18:50The $80 one.
18:52For $80?
18:52That's even harder.
18:55Well, decide between you.
18:57Is that what you want?
18:58The $80 one.
18:58For $80, what baseball player had the highest lifetime batting average?
19:05Ty Cobb.
19:06That's absolutely right.
19:08I'm glad I didn't answer that.
19:10I would have said, crazy legs hurt.
19:14What did you say?
19:15Nothing, nothing.
19:18All right, you now have $250.
19:20How much money do you want to bet on this one?
19:23$20.
19:23$90.
19:25$90.
19:26All right, for $90, what is the largest living mammal?
19:31Well, uh...
19:32Uh...
19:33We're only betting $20.
19:38The whale.
19:39Right again.
19:40For $90.
19:44Now, wait a minute.
19:45You said $20.
19:46I said nothing.
19:48That's funny.
19:49I could have sworn he said crazy legs hurt.
19:55You're just trying to confuse me, that's all.
19:57Believe me, you can't fool me.
19:58I can tell a phony.
20:04You're wasting your neck, big boy.
20:05You're only once to a contestant.
20:09All right, now you have $340.
20:11Now, here's your last chance to beat the other couples.
20:13What are you going to go for?
20:14A hundred dollars.
20:16Oh, that's the hardest.
20:18All right, for $100?
20:19Now, here's your last question.
20:21What would be the interest on $100,000 held for two and a half years at 4% interest if
20:27the interest is compounded semi-annually?
20:29$10,408.08.
20:41Well, that's absolutely correct.
20:43It's amazing.
20:44How'd you figure it out so fast?
20:46Well, you see, I had the same transaction just a couple of days ago with the California Bank.
20:53You borrowed that much money from them?
20:55No, they borrowed from me.
20:59I read it someplace, I don't know.
21:03Oh, well, you wind up with $440, which beats our other couples, and that gives you a crack at the
21:07jackpot question.
21:09Which tonight is worth...
21:11The big question tonight is $3,000.
21:16Now, you have 15 seconds to decide...
21:25You have 15 seconds to decide on a single answer between you.
21:28Think carefully, and please don't help in the audience.
21:30Are you ready?
21:31Yes.
21:32All right, there is a famous radio and television comedian who was born in Waukegan, Illinois.
21:37Jack Benny!
21:37Jack Benny!
21:38Jack Benny!
21:38Jack Benny!
21:39I got it!
21:40Jack Benny!
21:41Jack Benny!
21:41I know!
21:42Jack Benny!
21:42Wait a minute!
21:43We know it's Jack Benny, Mr. Forsythe, but that's not the question.
21:47What?
21:48The question is this.
21:49Now, listen.
21:50This is the question.
21:52For many years, this bum has been lying about his age.
21:56Now, for $3,000...
22:07With $3,000, can you tell me how old he really is?
22:22With $3,000, can you tell me how old he really is?
22:28$3,000, $3,000.
22:30$3,000.
22:31I'm sorry, but that's the wrong answer, which means the big question next week.
22:34Would we weigh $3,500?
22:36Thanks, and good luck from the DeSoto Plymouth deal.
22:38Goodbye.
22:40Goodbye, Robbie.
22:44Hey, hey!
22:46Just a minute.
22:46I want to talk to you.
22:50I thought so. You're Jack Benny, eh?
22:52Oh, Groucho, I only came on for a gag and tried to win a couple of dollars, that's all.
22:57Jack, I don't understand.
22:59What?
23:00Well, you know you're not 39.
23:02All you had to do was tell your correct age and you'd have won the jackpot.
23:05Why didn't you do it?
23:07Groucho, let me tell you something.
23:10I may not be a spent fritter, but, brother, I know a bargain when I see one.
23:17Bargain?
23:17Yeah.
23:18Where else can you buy 22 years for only $3,000?
23:36Thank you. Thank you very, very much, ladies and gentlemen.
23:39And now, once again, I'd like to bring out my guest, just for a bow, Groucho.
23:49I'm going to show you that I can still do it.
23:53Won't be able to walk tomorrow, though.
23:55Now, listen, Groucho, you can't put a guy in front of me, don't you?
23:59Groucho, you know, I do want to thank you very, very much for being on my show.
24:03And listen, I've got to tell you something.
24:04You know, a couple of weeks ago, when they had the Emmy Awards, you know, for the television
24:10shows, I really was surprised and disappointed with your wonderful show that you didn't win
24:15an Emmy.
24:15Well, what's our opinion against millions?
24:18I know, but that's...
24:20Listen, you know, anybody that can give away as much money as you do and still tell jokes
24:28deserves something.
24:32Jack, that's an unfortunate subject, but since you did bring it up, when do I get paid?
24:37How about money?
24:39Oh, oh, oh, well, Groucho, I wouldn't worry about that because you will get a check tomorrow
24:44morning.
24:45Now, how about paying me in cash?
24:48Why, what's wrong with my check?
24:50Well, I can telephone you, too.
24:52Can I...
25:04He's a pretty cute guy.
25:05You know what's so wonderful?
25:06He's older than I am.
25:07I think, anyway.
25:11One of the Marx Brothers must be older.
25:15Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, be sure next Sunday to watch Ann Southern and her wonderful
25:21show, and I'll be back again in two weeks, where we do a show, leaving for New York.
25:28Thank you very much.
25:43We're hearing on tonight's program are the Sportsman Quartet, Gene Mahoney, Don Doran,
25:48and Irene Cadro.
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