- 9 hours ago
Lux Radio Theatre presented a radio adaptation of Bachelor Mother on January 22, 1940, starring Ginger Rogers (reprising her film role as Polly Parrish) and Fredric March (as David Merlin).
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00:01Lux presents Hollywood.
00:16The Lux Radio Theater brings you Ginger Rogers and Frederick Marsh in Bachelor Mother with Frank Albertson.
00:25Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille.
00:37Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen.
00:40To the young ladies of our modern business world, the lunch hour means a great deal more than just lunch.
00:46It may mean a shopping trip, a visit to the hairdresser, a rendezvous, or perhaps an unexpected adventure.
00:52And during a lunch hour, the alert young businesswoman is prepared for almost anything to happen.
00:58But Miss Polly Parrish in our play, Bachelor Mother, was just minding her own business when something happened that not
01:04only upset her lunch hour, but changed her whole life.
01:08One thing led to another in such a gay series of adventures that RKO's picture, Bachelor Mother, turned out to
01:14be one of the comedy hits of the year.
01:16Although taken by surprise, the modern young woman of our story knew exactly what course to follow.
01:22In fact, we take our hats off to the resourcefulness of our modern girls in general.
01:27For the role of the modern young Miss Polly Parrish in Bachelor Mother, our choice was the modern young Miss
01:34Ginger Rogers, who played the part with typical, uh, Ginger and wit on the screen.
01:40She comes to us from the set of the new RKO picture, Primrose Path.
01:44As David Merlin, the son of Polly's employer, we plan to have Joel McRae.
01:50But Joel was taken ill during the week, and I'm glad to report that he's improving rapidly.
01:55And that Frederick March returned to Hollywood just in time to play this role.
01:59We've been, we've been trying to get Freddy back to our microphone for a long time.
02:04But a stage engagement in New York held him there.
02:06This week, he begins a new MGM picture, Susan and God.
02:11And tonight, you'll hear him as David Merlin.
02:14I suggest now that you move up to the edge of your chair, as we raise the curtain on Act
02:19One of this gay and exciting comedy, Bachelor Mother.
02:22Starring Ginger Rogers as Polly Parrish, and Frederick March as David Merlin.
02:27With Frank Albertson of the screencast as Frank Miller.
02:38Polly Parrish, young and pretty, is about to lose her job.
02:42This is hard enough to face at any time, but when it happens on the day before Christmas, it's almost
02:46too much.
02:47During her lunch hour, Polly Parrish walks slowly along a street in downtown New York.
02:53Vaguely, she wonders what to become of her.
02:56As she passes the Atkins home for foundlings, fate steps in.
03:01Steps in.
03:02Gallops in.
03:02For a woman in a heavy shawl is just leaving a bundle at the door.
03:07With a gasp of indignation, Polly rushes to the woman and catches her by the arm.
03:12Here, here, here.
03:14Don't you dare.
03:15Why, don't you dare leave your baby.
03:17Please, I'm not the baby's mother.
03:19There is no mother.
03:21They'll take good care of it here.
03:22Just the same you have no right to do something.
03:24I thought I could take care of it after the mother died, but I couldn't.
03:27Oh, it's such a wonderful baby.
03:29They'll be so good.
03:30Wait.
03:31Hey, come back here.
03:32Come back.
03:34Oh.
03:35Oh, you poor little kid.
03:38All alone.
03:39Now, don't cry, darling.
03:41Here, I'll hold you.
03:44Would you come in?
03:45What?
03:46Oh.
03:47Just come this way, please.
03:48Oh, take your finger out of your mouth.
03:51There, Nana.
03:52Don't eat your finger.
03:53You hungry?
03:54Well, I'll give you something to eat here.
03:56That's a good baby.
03:58Right here, please.
04:00Another one, Mr. Fry.
04:01I...
04:01Oh, yes.
04:02Your name, please.
04:03Poor little thing.
04:05Your...
04:06Your name, please.
04:07Polly Parrish.
04:08Come on, take your finger out of your mouth.
04:10Are you employed anywhere?
04:12I'm at Merlin's until tomorrow.
04:14You darling, you.
04:15That's a good baby.
04:16Now, just why did you abandon your baby, Mrs. Parrish?
04:20It's such a sweet...
04:22What?
04:23Oh.
04:24Well, this isn't my baby.
04:25It was on the doorstep.
04:27Yes, yes.
04:27We...
04:28We know.
04:29Well, no.
04:30Really?
04:31Well, an old lady left it on the doorstep, and I...
04:34I thought it'd roll off so...
04:36We're...
04:36We're only here to help you.
04:38We're your friends.
04:40Well, I wish it was mine, but it isn't.
04:43I wasn't leaving it.
04:44I...
04:44I was just picking it up.
04:46Well, many mothers say babies are not their own, but from experience, we've discovered
04:51the wisest thing is to make a clean breast of it.
04:54Now, look here.
04:55This is ridiculous.
04:56This is not my baby, whether you believe it or not.
04:59Here, nurse.
05:00You take the baby.
05:01I'm getting out of here.
05:02You see, my dear?
05:03I'm going to give the baby to the nurse a prize.
05:05Take it back.
05:07Just for a moment.
05:08There.
05:09Well, my dear.
05:11Oh, for heaven's sake.
05:12The baby seems to know you.
05:14Well, I don't know it.
05:15Here, you take it.
05:16Now, now, now.
05:17Now, let me alone.
05:18When I want a family, I'll get married and do it right.
05:25That's pathetic, isn't it?
05:27Well, anyway, we know she works at the Merlin Department Store.
05:30Mr. Merlin and his son have always been very charitable.
05:33I'll go right over there after lunch.
05:44Sit down, Mr. Fry.
05:46Now, what can I do for you?
05:47You are Mr. Merlin, sir.
05:48Mr. Merlin the younger.
05:49Was it my father you wanted to see?
05:51Oh, no, no.
05:52I'm sure you can take care of this.
05:54Well?
05:54Mr. Merlin, an employee of yours, a young woman in the toy department, left a baby at
05:59the Atkins' home today.
06:00I see.
06:01And I discovered, on calling your personnel manager, that she was discharged as of tomorrow.
06:07She was probably only hired for the holiday rush.
06:09Exactly.
06:10But I believe the loss of her position is the reason she has abandoned her baby son.
06:15Mr. Merlin, give her back her job.
06:19This is really very unfortunate.
06:21What's her name?
06:23Parrish.
06:23Polly Parrish.
06:24Mr. Merlin, if you had seen this mother denying the parenthood of her own child, it would
06:30have touched your heart.
06:31Excuse me.
06:31Hello, Miss Wilson.
06:33Call the toy department and have a girl named...
06:35Parrish.
06:36Parrish.
06:37Send up here at once.
06:38Oh, it is pitiful, Mr. Merlin, to see the child crying as soon as it left her arms and
06:43stopping its crying as it returned to the bosom where it rightfully belonged.
06:48Yes, pitiful.
06:49And as you may know, it's the home's policy not merely to care for unwanted babies, but
06:54to make possible, if possible, the return of the baby to its mother.
06:59I think we can arrange that, Mr. Fry.
07:00As a matter of fact, I'm almost sure of it.
07:03When the girl understands...
07:08Good afternoon, madam.
07:10Can I interest you in a mechanical dock?
07:11You see, it winds up with a key and it...
07:13No, Henry's much too old for that.
07:16Hiya, Polly.
07:16How's the girl?
07:17Hitting on all six?
07:18Hello.
07:19Hey, no kidding now, Polly.
07:20What are you getting me for Christmas, huh?
07:21You wouldn't drink it.
07:22Oh, what a day, Marge.
07:24She's crazy for me.
07:25No way.
07:25Will you get that hand truck moving and bring back some more ducks?
07:28We're running low.
07:29Oh, now, take it easy.
07:30I've been pushing that truck over time.
07:32Say, Polly, I saw you hooping at the employee's ball and you got it, babe.
07:36Think so?
07:37I'll prove it to you.
07:38We're going dancing tonight.
07:39But I don't feel like it.
07:41Is it worth $50?
07:43You mean you're going to give me $50?
07:46Well, not exactly.
07:47No, listen.
07:48There's a dance contest at the Blue Heaven.
07:50Now, the orchestra leader is one of the judges and he's my best pal.
07:53The prize is 50 bucks and we split it up the middle.
07:56Cheese it.
07:57Here comes a floor walker.
07:58What do you say?
07:58You've just made a deal.
08:00I'll be around to pick you up.
08:01After dinner.
08:02Miss Parrish?
08:03Miss Parrish?
08:04Yes, Mr. Hargraves.
08:06Miss Parrish, you are wanted in Mr. Merlin's office.
08:08Mr. Merlin?
08:09At once, please.
08:11I don't know why.
08:16Mr. Merlin?
08:18Oh, yes, come in.
08:19Come in.
08:20Won't you sit down, Mrs., uh...
08:22Miss Parrish.
08:23Oh, Miss.
08:24Miss Parrish.
08:24That's right.
08:25Oh.
08:25Well, did you receive a card today saying that you were discharged as of the end of this week?
08:31Yes, I did.
08:32Well, it was a mistake.
08:33Will you excuse us?
08:34It won't happen again.
08:36The job is yours for as long as you care to have it.
08:39Huh?
08:39What do you say, Miss Parrish?
08:41Oh.
08:42Well, thank you.
08:44Thank you very much.
08:45And you're being raised five dollars a week, starting as of last week.
08:49Is that satisfactory?
08:50What do you say, Miss Parrish?
08:52Oh.
08:54You're quite welcome.
08:56But merely getting your job back and an increase is not your real Christmas present.
09:02No?
09:02No, no.
09:03Your Christmas present is probably the greatest gift a woman could possibly have.
09:09I...
09:09I almost envy you.
09:11Yes, I...
09:12I do envy you.
09:14Really?
09:15Oh, you fortunate girl to have an employer like Mr. Merlin.
09:18Yes, but I don't...
09:19When you go home tonight, you'll get your Christmas present.
09:23Tonight, Mr. Fry?
09:24Tonight.
09:25Tonight.
09:25Fine.
09:26You, uh...
09:27You may go back to your department now, Miss Parrish.
09:30Oh, thank you.
09:32Thank you very much.
09:33And I want to wish you and yours a very, very Merry Christmas.
09:39Well, thank you.
09:40And same to you.
09:42Good day.
09:43Good day.
09:46Good day.
09:47Good day.
09:49A nice-looking girl like that.
09:52Ah, yes.
09:52It's a funny world.
09:53I can just see the look on that girl's face tonight.
09:57Yes.
09:58Yes, so can I.
10:09Wait a second.
10:10Wait a second.
10:12I told you, seven o'clock...
10:13Merry Christmas, Miss Parrish.
10:15Well, what do you want here?
10:17I've brought your baby.
10:19What?
10:20Here you are, my dear.
10:21Your Christmas present from John B. Merlin and son.
10:25Christmas present?
10:26And what do you say, Miss Parrish?
10:28Well, I'll tell you what I say.
10:30You take that baby right out of here in this minute.
10:33What?
10:33Do you realize what you're saying?
10:35I certainly do.
10:36That's not my baby, and you can just take it back to the foundling home where it belongs.
10:40Do you understand that Mr. Merlin has given you your job back?
10:44That you can raise your child in security and comfort?
10:47And you are choosing instead to let it be raised as an orphan without a mother's love?
10:53This is not my baby.
10:55I am not its mother.
10:57Oh, for shame, for shame acting like this.
11:00Take your baby and be happy.
11:02Good night, Miss Parrish.
11:03Wait.
11:03This baby will be back at the foundling home before you get there.
11:05I wouldn't try that if I were you.
11:07And there's no use leaving it elsewhere either, because it'll come back to us, and we have
11:12its footprints.
11:13Oh!
11:14Well, the nerve.
11:16You have...
11:17Oh.
11:18Oh.
11:19Oh, I'm sorry, kid.
11:21Oh, well, gee, this is nothing personal.
11:24Gee, I'd love to have you around, but I...
11:26I couldn't do right by you.
11:30Well, come on, now.
11:31Now, you don't want your teeth to grow in there, Crooked, do you?
11:34No.
11:35Come on, take your fingers out, please.
11:37Now.
11:39Now, who is it?
11:40Hi, Paul.
11:41This is Frank, the well-dressed man from the toy department.
11:43Oh, my.
11:43Oh, one minute.
11:45Well, just a minute.
11:46Now, look, kid.
11:47I'm going to hide you behind the sofa.
11:50Now, you just stay there, and don't you make a sound.
11:52Do you hear?
11:53All right, all right, sister.
11:56Hiya, sugar.
11:57Oh.
11:58Hello.
11:59Well, well, what a layout.
12:01Look, Frank, I'm sorry.
12:03I won't be able to go with you tonight.
12:06I think I'm going to have a headache.
12:09Oh, now, wait a second, baby.
12:10You can't do that to the chief.
12:12Stand up, the old maestro.
12:14Why, everything's all set.
12:15My brother let me have his car.
12:17It's champing at the curb right this minute.
12:18Yeah, well, I'm really awfully sorry, but something's come up.
12:22Oh, now, you just listen to the old doctor, honey.
12:24Everything's fixed.
12:25The orchestra leader's a pal of mine.
12:26I just spoke to him on the phone, as a matter of fact, and...
12:30Hey, that's funny.
12:31I thought I heard a baby crying.
12:33Oh.
12:35Well, go on, Frank.
12:36Well, so I talked to him, and it's in the bag.
12:39So you talked to him, and what did he say?
12:41Well, he says he's got it all fixed.
12:44Hey, listen.
12:45I do hear a baby crying.
12:47Oh, that.
12:48That's next door.
12:49Yes, it keeps me awake sometimes, so I think I'll go out of my mind.
12:52Oh, that's tough.
12:52Oh, thanks, sir.
12:53You know, it sounds like it's right over here behind the...
12:56Holy mackerel!
12:58Look!
12:58It's a baby!
13:00A live baby!
13:02Well, what of it?
13:03Well, what did it do?
13:04Crawl through the wall?
13:06Don't be silly.
13:08Is it, uh...
13:09Is it yours?
13:11No, it's not mine.
13:13Well, where did it come from?
13:15I got it for Christmas.
13:17Oh.
13:18Huh?
13:19Huh?
13:20This Christmas or last Christmas?
13:22Now, listen.
13:23I don't know what you're thinking, but you're all wrong.
13:26Oh, sure.
13:27And if you'll wait until I get my hat and coat on, we'll go step in.
13:30Oh, well, now, look.
13:31If you've got a headache or if you think you might have one, well, it just don't bother.
13:34Don't worry.
13:35It's all cured, and I've got another little situation to cure when we're on our way.
13:39Come on, baby.
13:40Hey, wait a minute.
13:41You're taking that along with us?
13:42Certainly.
13:42I've got a little errand to do.
13:44We're just going to drop it off someplace.
13:45Come on.
13:46Oh, listen.
13:46This is worse than a blind date.
13:48I didn't figure...
13:49Pull up over there, Frank.
13:50Hey, you certainly picked a nice place anyway.
13:54Come to the door with me, will you, Frank?
13:56Okay.
13:57Uh, is this where the baby lives?
13:58From now on, it does.
14:00She's pretty fancy, all right.
14:01Ring the bell, will you?
14:02Okay.
14:04Goodbye, baby.
14:06You certainly are cute.
14:08Gee, isn't this a cute thing?
14:09Yeah.
14:10Well, why don't they answer the door?
14:12Good evening.
14:14Oh, good evening.
14:15Is Mr. Merlin in?
14:16The son.
14:17I'd like to...
14:18I'd like to see him.
14:19Merlin?
14:20Shut up.
14:21Would you tell me in reference to what?
14:23Well, it's a personal matter.
14:24He'll know what it's about when he sees me.
14:26Well, madam, he's not in just now.
14:29Couldn't you write him a letter?
14:30Well, I can't take care of this baby.
14:33After all, it's his responsibility, and he's got influence, and...
14:38He got me into this fix.
14:39He can just get me out.
14:41I'm...
14:42I'm very sorry, madam.
14:44Good evening.
14:44Oh, no, you don't take this baby.
14:46Look here, madam.
14:47I...
14:47Just put your hand under its back.
14:48That's right.
14:49But wait a minute, madam.
14:50You can't...
14:51I just did.
14:52Come on, let's get going, Frank.
14:53Yeah, let's.
15:05Well, here we are.
15:06Yeah.
15:08Back home and broke.
15:10I'm sorry we didn't win that prize, Polly.
15:12Oh, forget it.
15:13My friend double-crossed me.
15:15Yeah.
15:18Well, thanks for bringing me home.
15:20Oh, wait a minute.
15:21Say, Polly, how about giving a fellow a little drinky, huh?
15:24Sorry, I...
15:25I haven't any liquor here.
15:27Well, then, how about letting a fellow in for a smoke?
15:29I haven't any cigarettes, either.
15:31Oh, well, I've got the cigarettes.
15:32I only need a match.
15:33Now, Frank, it's pretty late, and I have to get up early.
15:36All I want is a match.
15:38You could give a guy a match, can't you?
15:39One little match.
15:40Oh, that never hurts you.
15:42One little match.
15:43Come on.
15:44Frank, get out of here.
15:46Oh, stop.
15:46Get out.
15:47Get out.
15:49Who said that?
15:50I did.
15:52Go on.
15:53Get out of here.
15:54Mr. Merlin.
15:55Mr.
15:55Did you hear me?
15:56Yes, sir.
15:57Sure.
15:57I just...
15:58Good night, Mr. Merlin.
16:00Well, Mr. Merlin, how did you get into my apartment?
16:03The landlady was kind enough to let me, to let us, in out of the cold.
16:07I've been here three hours.
16:09Us?
16:09Yes, us.
16:11You'll find your child right there on the chair.
16:13But I tell you that...
16:14Miss Parrish, I followed you tonight, and I came back here to ask you just one question.
16:20What possibly could be going on in a peculiar brain of yours that lets you jump around a dance
16:24floor like an idiot ten minutes after you've left your child in a strange home with strange
16:28people who, for all you know, could strangle him?
16:30Are you through?
16:31No.
16:32I've seen some low things in my time, but a mother who's just abandoned her child going
16:36out to enter a dance contest, that will stand alone in my memory as something revolting.
16:41I thought that was pretty revolting myself.
16:43Are you interested in knowing what I'm going to do?
16:44Would it interest you to know that I am not the mother of that child?
16:48That, to me, is the lowest thing of all.
16:52To deny your own child when it cries as it leaves your arms.
16:55Those people have experience.
16:57They know a real mother when they see one.
16:59I'm going to fire you.
17:00In fact, you are fired.
17:01But that's nothing.
17:02I am not the mother of that child!
17:04Fine, fine.
17:05You're not the mother.
17:06As you go from place to place looking for employment, you will discover that no department
17:10store in the entire Merchants of America Association will hire you.
17:13I'll see to that.
17:15But that's nothing.
17:16Any employer will ask you for a character reference.
17:18In my wildest imagination, I cannot conceive of anyone with a character less deserving of
17:23a reference than you.
17:24I'll explain your character.
17:25Why?
17:26That's persecution!
17:27I'll say it is.
17:28And eventually, you'll come and you'll plead for your job back.
17:31And then you'll realize what a privilege it is to have security and a chance to raise
17:36your child yourself.
17:37What?
17:38You dance.
17:39Yes.
17:39Well, now you pay the pi...
17:41The fiddler fellow.
17:42You have an obligation to that child.
17:44You fulfill it.
17:46Well, you made up your mind to ask for your job back?
17:50Or are you going to starve a while first?
17:55Well, I've...
17:57Well, I'll take my job back.
18:00That's better.
18:01I'm only doing this for your own good, Miss Parrish.
18:04As the years go by, you'll realize what a terrible thing I've saved you from doing.
18:09I'm really not as bad as you think.
18:11Well, then why did you do it?
18:12Well, I had to.
18:15There was no one I could turn to.
18:19Oh, I see.
18:21Well, but isn't there some legal way to make the father support the baby?
18:27I...
18:27I don't want anything to do with him.
18:30Oh, I see.
18:32He used to beat me.
18:34No.
18:36Yeah.
18:36See that scar on my head?
18:38Where?
18:39Coffee pot.
18:40He threw it at me.
18:41Oh.
18:42You poor kid.
18:44Yeah.
18:45Well, I'll be going now.
18:47You'd better get some sleep.
18:49Don't worry about anything, Miss Parrish.
18:53This store is behind you.
18:55Thank you, Mr. Merlin.
18:57Well, that's all right.
18:59Good night.
19:00Good night.
19:05Well, baby?
19:06What do we do now?
19:10Have you got any suggestions?
19:13Gurgle, huh?
19:15That's fine.
19:16Well, I'll think about that.
19:19In the meantime, well, thanks for the job, anyway.
19:40Mr. DeMille brings us Ginger Rogers, Frederick March, and Frank Albertson in Act Two of Bachelor Mother in just a
19:46moment.
19:46Now our producer, Mr. DeMille.
19:48Act Two of Bachelor Mother, starring Ginger Rogers as Polly Parrish and Frederick March as David Merlin, with Frank Albertson
19:56as Frank Miller.
20:06Two days have passed, and with them, of course, two nights.
20:09Silent, restful nights.
20:11Interrupted only by the constant screeching of Polly's adopted baby.
20:16Back at her job in the toy department, Polly is still winding up ducks.
20:20But her heart isn't really in her work.
20:22Her eyes are half-closed from lack of sleep, and she moves slowly as in a dream.
20:32Well, well, well.
20:34Good morning, Polly, my girl.
20:36Good morning.
20:37Don't talk too loud.
20:38You'll wake me up.
20:39Well, what's the matter?
20:40Haven't you been sleeping?
20:42Not for two nights.
20:43How long can a person go without sleep, Frank?
20:46Well, Polly, listen.
20:48You can trust me.
20:49I'm the kind of a guy, you know, see nothing, say nothing.
20:52How about putting in a good word for me with, you know, upstairs?
20:57What's the matter with you?
20:58Well, the assistant floor walker job is open right in this department.
21:01With that little carnation and everything.
21:03Now, one word from you, and I stop pushing this silly wagon around.
21:06What do you say?
21:07Miller, get that truck out of the aisle.
21:09Yes, sir, right away.
21:10Don't let me catch you talking again, Miller.
21:12Inversing your own time, not on the stores.
21:14Yes, sir.
21:15Excuse me, Mr. Hargrave.
21:16And, Miss Parrish, keep those ducks in motion, please.
21:20Yes, sir.
21:21Morning, Hargrave.
21:22Oh, good morning, good morning.
21:24Quite an honor having you visit our department, sir.
21:26Not at all, thank you.
21:27Any special reason, sir?
21:29Oh, no, no.
21:30Yes, yes.
21:30Matter of fact, the new assistant floor walker.
21:33I wrote you a memo about it.
21:34It's to be a man by the name of...
21:35Well, I can't think of it right now, but he's entitled to promotion by seniority.
21:40Frank Miller, sir?
21:41Yes, that's it.
21:42Unless you have some personal objection.
21:43Oh, no, sir.
21:44No, no, I'll tell him now, I'll tell him now, sir.
21:45He'll be very happy, sir.
21:47Good morning.
21:48Good morning.
21:49How are you?
21:50I'm fine.
21:52I can hear you all right, but I can't see you so good.
21:56I haven't been sleeping for two nights.
21:59Why not?
22:00The baby's been crying.
22:01Is it sick?
22:02No, it's just being a baby.
22:05Well, why don't you have it sleep on its stomach?
22:07Look, I read that someplace.
22:10That's how they sleep.
22:11Do you know how to get a baby to sleep on its stomach?
22:14You turn it on its stomach, and then you go to bed.
22:16Then the baby turns over and starts to cry, and then you get up and turn the baby over,
22:20and then you go to bed again, and then the baby turns over and starts to cry again,
22:23and then you get up and turn it on its stomach, and pretty soon it's nine o'clock and you're
22:27a winding duck.
22:31Oh, but don't any mothers sleep?
22:34I'm beginning to think they don't.
22:36Well, you'll get on to it.
22:37It's a natural instinct.
22:39So sleep.
22:42Then how are you managing?
22:44Who takes care of the baby while you work?
22:46My landlady.
22:47She knows all about babies, thank heaven.
22:50Oh, well, there can't be much to it.
22:52After all, everybody here was a baby, and they all got through it.
22:56I'll think about that.
22:57That's a pose that all mothers put on, that it's so difficult raising a child.
23:02I saw through that when I was six years old.
23:06I'll think about that, too.
23:09Good morning.
23:10Good morning.
23:20Come on now, baby.
23:22Come on and eat your dinner.
23:23See the pretty duck?
23:25Now, you watch the duck when you eat your dinner.
23:28Come in.
23:31Hello.
23:32Oh, well, hello.
23:35I was walking through the book department and I saw this book.
23:38How to Bring Up Your Baby Scientifically.
23:41By Dr. Ernest Eggelman.
23:45Greatest thing I ever read.
23:46Everything you have to know is right in here.
23:48You mean a doctor would know more about a baby than its own mother with her natural instincts?
23:54Well, this is scientific and includes the instincts, too.
23:57All right.
23:58Come on, baby.
23:58Just eat your dinner.
23:59Go right ahead.
24:00Wait a minute.
24:00Wait a minute.
24:01How do you know you're doing that right?
24:03Doing what right?
24:04Feeding it.
24:05There's nothing scientific in this.
24:07The baby opens his mouth and I put the food in it and he swallows it.
24:11From then on, he's on his own.
24:14Oh, well, that's what you think.
24:16We'll just have a look at the feeding.
24:18Feeding.
24:19Feeding with an F.
24:20Yeah.
24:20Ah, there.
24:21Here we are.
24:22Now, listen.
24:23After the food is prepared, the mother will, A, get a spoon.
24:28Wonderful.
24:28How he ever thought of that.
24:31Don't be so smart.
24:32Just do as it says.
24:34Spoon.
24:35I've got it.
24:36And warm it to room temperature.
24:39Warm it.
24:40I did.
24:41How?
24:42I put it under the warm water.
24:44Well, that may not be right.
24:46I think it has to be sterilized.
24:48Well, well, anyway.
24:50B, take a spoonful of food and, uh, just a second.
24:56Place on a piece of gauze.
24:59Are you a, uh, piece of gauze?
25:02What for?
25:03Will you please do as the book says?
25:06All right.
25:06But I still think it's a lot of...
25:07No, no, please.
25:08It's just possible, you know, that, uh, a doctor with 20 years of experience knows what
25:12he's talking about.
25:13All right.
25:13Go ahead.
25:14Next.
25:16And gently rub into the navel.
25:22What's that?
25:25What?
25:26And, uh, gently rub into the navel.
25:33Oh, that's ridiculous.
25:35Well, no, no, it, it isn't.
25:37No, that's, uh, well, that, that's probably to adjust the temperature of the baby stomach
25:41to the food.
25:44I, uh, I, I think it's very logical.
25:47Well, I never heard of such a thing.
25:49Here, let me see that.
25:50Well, I read very well, you know.
25:52I've done it for years.
25:52Oh, yes, I read a little, too.
25:54Let me see.
25:54Begins right here, at the bottom of this page.
25:56Oh, yeah.
25:57Take a spoonful of food and place on a piece of gauze and gently rub into the navel.
26:05You, you read very well.
26:07Well, I don't believe it.
26:08I don't care what it says.
26:09Now, don't make out that you know more than a doctor in a printed book on the subject.
26:13I know I'm not rubbing any oatmeal into this baby's navel.
26:17Who is this Dr. Eaglefoot, anyway?
26:20This book is, it's, it's, oh, look.
26:23What's the matter?
26:24The pages were stuck together.
26:27Well, what do you think of that?
26:29Just listen.
26:31To relieve gas on child's stomach, take a spoonful of warm oil and place on a piece of gauze
26:40and gently rub into the navel.
26:44Now, isn't that funny?
26:46It certainly is.
26:47If the page had said, hang baby by neck, you'd thought it very scientific.
26:51I'll feed the baby my own way.
26:53Come on, baby, now eat your...
26:55You know, somebody could sue the store for a thing like that.
26:57That's a good baby.
26:58You might wind the duck, Mr. Worland.
27:00You've got nothing better to do.
27:01Well, you know, just because those pages stuck together,
27:04there's no reason to condemn that book entirely.
27:07Well, that's fine.
27:09Now you've broke it.
27:11Well, it's a, that's a defective duck.
27:14Could it be that you wound it too hard?
27:16I just wound it normally.
27:17This is inferior merchandise.
27:19Where'd you buy this duck?
27:20John B. Merlin and son.
27:23Oh.
27:24Well, that's all right.
27:26It's still inferior.
27:27Out of 10,000 ducks, one or two can be less than perfect.
27:32That's what we have an exchange department for.
27:34Just have it exchanged tomorrow.
27:36Ha ha.
27:37Ha ha.
27:39What's the ha ha for?
27:40Nothing.
27:41Just ha ha.
27:43What's the matter with our exchange department?
27:45I only work for you.
27:47We never resent criticism.
27:48We appreciate it.
27:49You won't get angry.
27:50Certainly not.
27:51What's the matter with our exchange department?
27:53They won't exchange anything.
27:58Oh, they won't, eh?
27:59They only exchanged $60,000 worth of goods last year.
28:03You don't have to overdo that flip attitude about the store.
28:06It isn't very cute.
28:06Just have that exchange tomorrow.
28:07No, I'll just throw it away and buy a new one.
28:10Well, I'll exchange it for you.
28:11Give it to me.
28:12Oh, sure.
28:12You could probably get exchanged for a grand piano.
28:15I'll show you.
28:15I can have an exchange without anybody recognizing me.
28:17I'll wear dark glasses.
28:18I'll disguise myself.
28:19And I'll have a new duck for you by 10 o'clock tomorrow morning.
28:22What do you think of that?
28:23Ha ha.
28:34Come on, girls.
28:35No leaning against the counters.
28:36Here, pick up that paper.
28:37Straighten those boxes.
28:38Okay.
28:39Take it easy, Frank.
28:40Mr. Miller to you.
28:42I'm the assistant floor walker now.
28:44Yes, Mr. Miller.
28:45Well, that's better.
28:46There's going to be a few changes around here.
28:48Come on.
28:49Come on.
28:49No gossiping here.
28:50Break it up.
28:50Break it up.
28:51Oh, Miss Parrish.
28:52Hello.
28:53How do I look?
28:55I'd never recognized you.
28:57They won't know me.
28:59Would you mind escorting me to the exchange department?
29:01Right over here.
29:02Sir, just speak to the gentleman behind the counter.
29:07He'll take care of you.
29:08I'll have this duck exchanged in exactly one minute and courteously.
29:13Here we are.
29:15Go ahead.
29:17I, uh, I have a duck here.
29:20I'd like to, uh...
29:21Just a minute.
29:21Just a minute, please.
29:22Oh, of course.
29:23Of course.
29:23Well, what do you want, please?
29:25Well, I, uh, I have a duck here.
29:27I'd like to have exchange.
29:28Certainly, sir.
29:29What's your complaint?
29:31It's broken.
29:32I can see that.
29:33How did it happen to break?
29:35What difference does it make?
29:36I have to know where to place the responsibility.
29:38Oh, well, just place the responsibility on the duck and give me a new one.
29:42Hmm.
29:42May I see the sail slip?
29:44Oh, just a minute.
29:46Have you got the sail slip?
29:47I threw it away.
29:48You should have kept it.
29:50I, uh, I threw it away.
29:52You should have kept it.
29:53How did I know the duck was going to break?
29:55Well, how did I know the duck was going to break?
29:57It's clearly printed on the slip that it is to be kept for 30 days.
30:00You can't expect me to keep a sail slip for everything I buy.
30:02You can't expect me to keep a slip for everything I buy.
30:04My house would be full of them.
30:05My house would be full of them.
30:06I'm sorry, sir.
30:07I don't make the rules for the store.
30:09They're made by the executive office.
30:11I don't care anything about the executive office.
30:13I want another duck.
30:14Well, you're not going to get it by shouting.
30:16That's what you think.
30:18I'm exchanging it for a new duck, and you straighten it out any way you like.
30:20Give me that duck.
30:21I'll show him.
30:22Hey, you.
30:23Where are you going with that duck?
30:24Get out of my way.
30:25Oh, a shoplifter, huh?
30:26Hey, come in.
30:26Hey, stop.
30:27He's...
30:27Let go of me.
30:28Oh, I got your red hand.
30:29Is you here when I...
30:30Hey, Mac, shoplifter, shoplifter, come on.
30:32Will you let me...
30:33There is he.
30:35Okay.
30:35I got him.
30:36I'm trying to get away with a duck.
30:38Let me go.
30:39I'm David Merlin.
30:40Mr. Merlin?
30:42Oh, excuse me, Mr. Merlin.
30:44Merlin, oh.
30:45Come here, you.
30:46I didn't know it was you, Mr. Merlin.
30:48I thought it was a customer.
30:50A customer, eh?
30:50You're lucky it was me.
30:52A customer at Sue the store.
30:54How long have you had this job?
30:55Well, you know, since yesterday.
30:58What did you do before that?
30:59I was a stock clerk.
31:00I've got a little secret to tell you.
31:02You're still a stock clerk.
31:04Get a new assistant, Hargraves.
31:06Oh.
31:07Mr. Miller, you've disgraced the toy department.
31:18Well, here we are, ladies and gentlemen.
31:20We're broadcasting from the heart of Times Square,
31:22surrounded by thousands of persons waiting to usher in the new year just three short hours away.
31:27Listen to that crowd.
31:35Who is it?
31:36Man from John B. Merlin and son.
31:40Oh, well, it's you.
31:41Here you are, madam.
31:42Your duck.
31:43I exchanged it.
31:44No trouble at all.
31:46Oh, well, come in.
31:48I certainly didn't expect to see you tonight.
31:50Well, I didn't expect to come here.
31:52I was taking my shower and it suddenly occurred to me you must be having kind of a shabby New
31:56Year's.
31:56You get dressed.
31:57Yes, we're going to a swell party.
32:00Stood up, huh?
32:01Huh?
32:02Huh?
32:02You were stood up.
32:05Well, I just told her I'd call back and then I forgot to do it.
32:09Yeah, that's what I thought.
32:10Well, I'd like to go, but I just can't leave the baby alone.
32:14Oh, the baby, the baby.
32:16You don't have to devote your whole life to the baby.
32:19That's what you told me to do.
32:21Well, it's New Year's Eve.
32:23Get somebody to take care of it.
32:24Get the landlady to take care of it.
32:26Oh, wait.
32:26There's something else.
32:28What?
32:28Well, me in a sweater and skirt and you with it.
32:32We'd make half of a very lovely couple.
32:35Oh, that's all right.
32:36That's all right.
32:37I'll take care of the clothes.
32:38Yes, how?
32:38Stop at the store.
32:39Everything you need.
32:40Dress, shoes, ermine wrap.
32:42You'll be beautiful.
32:43Oh, but look, these people, you're, you know, you're friends.
32:47I don't know how to talk to those people.
32:49Well, I'll tell you.
32:50I'll tell you.
32:51You just say no to the men and the girls won't talk to you anyway.
32:55Come on.
33:04Well, this is where I live.
33:12Yes, I know.
33:13Well, it's been a grand night.
33:15Say, I've had a wonderful time.
33:17So have I.
33:18I can't ever remember a better one.
33:20Thank you, sir.
33:21Well, good night.
33:23Good night.
33:23Oh, say.
33:25Yes?
33:25I was just thinking, don't people usually, I mean, on New Year's, don't people usually
33:31exchange greetings?
33:33You know.
33:34Yes, usually.
33:35That's what I thought.
33:37I mean, there were a lot of them back at that party.
33:39Remember, they were kissing each other.
33:43It's sort of a, and it's silly, isn't it?
33:46Is it?
33:47No.
33:52Happy New Year.
33:54Happy New Year.
33:56Well?
33:58Good night.
34:00Oh, you'd better take this coat back.
34:02I, I don't want to keep it over Sunday.
34:03Nothing can happen to it.
34:05You wear it and bring it into the store when you come in.
34:07All right.
34:08Thanks.
34:09Say, look, it's, uh, it's just 12 o'clock.
34:1212 o'clock?
34:13Mm-hmm.
34:15In Chicago.
34:17See, they, uh, they exchange greetings there, too, you know.
34:24Happy New Year in Chicago, Polly.
34:26The same to you.
34:28You, uh, wouldn't want to stay up and welcome in the New Year in Los Angeles.
34:34Oh, well, it's pretty late.
34:36Good night.
34:37No, we ought to do tomorrow.
34:39Why don't we, uh, take a long drive in the country?
34:42Oh, that would be wonderful.
34:43Oh, but don't you think it'd be a little too cold for the baby?
34:47Oh, yeah.
34:48Yeah.
34:49Yeah, the baby.
34:51Yeah, that's what I thought.
34:52Well, if you want to see us, we'll be in the park all day tomorrow.
34:55Well, I don't know if I can make it, but I'll try.
34:58Well, thanks again for a very wonderful evening.
35:01Good night.
35:10Hello, Miss Parrish.
35:12Oh, Mrs. Weiss, thank you so much for minding the baby.
35:15Oh, it's nothing, nothing.
35:18Look, so cute he is.
35:20Why, he's awake!
35:22You waited up for me, didn't you, baby?
35:26He wanted to see if I'd come home early, didn't you?
35:29He's such a good baby.
35:31He didn't cry even once.
35:34My Jerome, he's just now 31.
35:36Used to cry all the time.
35:38Well, thank you again, Mrs. Weiss.
35:40I didn't think I'd be out this late, though.
35:42Oh, it's nothing.
35:43What else have I got to do?
35:46Happy New Year.
35:47Happy New Year to you.
35:52Oh, is that so?
35:54Oh, listen, baby.
35:57I think he likes me.
35:59Well, maybe, maybe it's just that I'm hoping.
36:03But, baby, I don't think he likes you.
36:07Well, now, don't frown.
36:09Nobody's going to come between us.
36:11No, sir.
36:13No, because you're my fellow.
36:15Good night, darling.
36:17And Happy New Year.
36:18Happy New Year.
36:19Happy New Year.
36:19Happy New Year.
36:19Happy New Year.
36:19Happy New Year.
36:20Happy New Year.
36:20Happy New Year.
36:20Happy New Year.
36:20Happy New Year.
36:21Happy New Year.
36:22Happy New Year.
36:22You
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