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00:03Do you think I look lesbian?
00:07No, I mean, the Home Office deals with fake weddings all the time.
00:10Maybe they can just tell.
00:11What time are they coming?
00:12Half three.
00:13Lance is climbing the wall.
00:14It's probably just routine.
00:17Yeah.
00:18Anyway, thanks for the lift.
00:20Now, you look after your mother, big fella.
00:38You might want to check out the Sahara.
00:40It's a bit more robust.
00:42I'm thinking Family Man.
00:44I like this one.
00:45Just think Sahara.
00:46It's a tad more expensive, but I've got to be honest with you about the sport.
00:49We've got a lot of gay guys buying this one.
00:51And fair enough, they're cutting edge those boys.
00:53But a man, like yourself, I'm thinking Image.
00:56I like this one.
00:57The thing about those lads, money to burn, and then they die young, so we get the resale
01:01value.
01:02Take it for a spin and sign this when you get back.
01:26Where do I sign?
01:28I'm back.
01:30Have you missed me?
01:31How was Scotland?
01:32Oh, Scottish. So, er, what's the news, Mr Tyler, sir?
01:37Refrigeration's gonna close. Ten jobs gone.
01:39No, not shop news. I don't want shop news. I want news.
01:44Jill. Oh, Rosalie. Steady the buffer. She's back.
01:48Hiya. How are you doing?
01:50You must... No.
01:52You must have bought it.
01:54She's not watching. It's revolting.
01:57It's revolting. It's...
02:04Wilfred Owen was shot dead on the 4th of November, 1918.
02:07Just seven days before the Armistice.
02:09Think is, sir. He was queer, Wilfred Owen. Says so in the front.
02:14You can't teach us about puffs. You're not allowed.
02:16Thank you, Christine. It's got nothing to do with the man's poetry.
02:19Though, no doubt, he found plenty of things to do in the trenches other than fight.
02:24Sir, they all say, here comes Owen, backs to the wall.
02:27Thank you, Christine. Now, if you could look at the preface of 1918,
02:31my subject is war, the pity of war, the poetry is easy.
02:37Cos I can leave. As soon as I'm 16, I'm leaving.
02:39If me and Dad get that flat, I'll get a job in the village.
02:42Dad's good work. I'll get bar work. I'll get anything.
02:44Never ask your age. Dad's dead. He had trouble at school.
02:47He told me to stuff it. He can report teachers of that kind of...
02:50Have your good luck, then!
02:53What was that about?
02:55Nothing.
02:57What's he doing? Was he looking at me?
02:58It's not always you.
03:01Did I tell you?
03:03Gary's moved in.
03:05Mum asked him last week.
03:07Moved in weekend.
03:10My cute care.
03:12It's all Nathan and Daz. Daz and the flat and the village, me.
03:16Could be bleeding from the eyes.
03:20Sorry.
03:22So how's it going?
03:24Moon's happy.
03:25Should hear him at night.
03:29Keeps walking out of the bathroom naked.
03:33Drove it straight through the window.
03:36They've been shouting all sorts.
03:38He said, we're suing for damages.
03:40Put me through to Mr Burton.
03:42What did Burton say?
03:42He said, fuck them.
03:44He did.
03:45He said, we'll counter sue.
03:46And he said, we'll tell the papers what your man said.
03:49You're up against a PR company now.
03:51Lisa Levine says it's urgent.
03:54What's happening?
03:54They arrived half an hour early.
03:56They just turned up.
03:56Walked in.
03:57No smiles.
03:58No cup of tea.
03:58Straight down to business.
04:00It's looking good.
04:01Hang on.
04:02I'll get you on the mobile.
04:03Sandra.
04:04Cancel everything this afternoon, will you?
04:05You're going out.
04:06Going out where?
04:07Ram raiding.
04:09Hey, get me a stereo.
04:12So what have they said?
04:13It's confidential.
04:15They asked me to leave the room, according to Lance.
04:17I'm the babysitter.
04:18Hold on.
04:22So have they got the letters?
04:24They've got something.
04:26Oh, yes.
04:28What's happening?
04:29What the fuck's happening?
04:30Lisa?
04:32That's it.
04:33Come on, Lance.
04:33Jesus Christ, you stupid dyke.
04:35Will you tell me what's happening?
04:38Fantastic!
04:40Lisa!
04:42Lisa!
04:43Lisa!
04:52He's gone through all the official channels.
04:55Was it you?
04:57Was it you?
04:58I'm driving past.
04:59I got this for Alfred.
05:00Someone told him, Stuart.
05:01Was it you?
05:02Told them what?
05:05Quite a temporary, our friend Lance.
05:08Punched the man from the Home Office.
05:09And then punched the arresting officer.
05:11I think his application for a visa is officially null and void.
05:16Lisa, will you go with him?
05:17He'll need a solicitor.
05:18I can't, hon.
05:19I'm involved.
05:20They wouldn't allow it.
05:21He needs you.
05:22I'll get somebody.
05:22I'll phone the office.
05:24Of course it was you.
05:26You never liked him.
05:27You never wanted him in that house.
05:28I don't know what you're talking about.
05:30They knew.
05:31They knew the wedding was a fake.
05:33They had my things from the house.
05:36You're OK.
05:37Mr Jordan?
05:38Who told you?
05:39Who gave you the letters?
05:40I'm not allowed to say it.
05:41But if you see Nathan Maloney, tell him thanks a bunch.
05:45Nathan?
05:53Hello?
06:00It was your tie.
06:04There was a man on changing rooms last night.
06:06He was wearing the same tie.
06:08We were laughing at your tie.
06:11I haven't said anything, in case you're wondering.
06:14But if you're ashamed, then it's up to you.
06:18I'm not ashamed.
06:19Well, you're not exactly proud, Vince.
06:23Carter sent this.
06:24He wants it back Monday.
06:26Yeah.
06:27Thanks.
06:31It's not that bad.
06:33Your tie.
06:36Yeah.
06:37It didn't cost much.
06:38Bargain.
06:39I got it from...
06:48Hazel.
06:49We've got lesbians.
06:52And I'm out of herbal tea.
06:55Hey, Ben!
06:57You treat that baby like a toy.
06:59Like you don't care.
07:00And Lance.
07:01Lance would take over.
07:02He'd be dad.
07:03And you'd say nothing.
07:05But I know.
07:06I know what you're like.
07:07You love him.
07:08And he'd never say.
07:09So I said it for you.
07:11Lance is going to be deported.
07:13I don't care.
07:14Jesus Christ.
07:16I don't give a toss about Lance.
07:17Look at all the rest I've done.
07:18Left my family and all of that.
07:20Left Donna and that.
07:21Just for you.
07:22Keeps going back to you, Stuart.
07:24How was I to know?
07:24It is your fault.
07:25It's all your fault.
07:26Because you just shag.
07:28You keep going every night and you never look back.
07:31Look at what you've done.
07:33Look at him.
07:33I didn't know, Romy.
07:35If I'd have known, I'd have...
07:39I don't know.
07:41I chose you as the father.
07:44You chose Lance as the husband.
07:46Now look at him.
07:47Slightest bit of trouble out with the fists.
07:50Do you want a man like that living with your kid?
07:53Maybe not.
08:00You all right then, stranger?
08:01Yeah.
08:03Thanks for that.
08:05Just...
08:06I don't know.
08:09Keep waiting for the punchline.
08:14No, I'm not complaining.
08:16I like art.
08:17I'm good at art.
08:19Those pictures of dogs playing poker.
08:21I love them.
08:22And magic eye pictures.
08:23Fantastic.
08:24I saw one once.
08:26It was a duck.
08:28You look for long enough, and it was a duck.
08:30Brilliant.
08:31Worth millions.
08:32I know it's doubt.
08:33I've just got to stay for the speech.
08:35No, fine.
08:36Me and Art were like that.
08:38Art Garfunkel.
08:39Bright eyes.
08:40Burning like fire.
08:42Now there's a film.
08:44Apparently, those rabbits weren't real.
08:47Filled me.
08:53All right, let's go.
08:54Don't be daft.
08:56I can be in the same room.
09:13We could go to Canal Street.
09:16Why don't they go back to yours?
09:17Sure.
09:18Mariners Court, yeah?
09:20Hmm.
09:21I've been there.
09:22Must have made such a big impression.
09:24All right.
09:26All right, yeah.
09:27Yeah.
09:27Of course, yeah.
09:29Nice to see you again.
09:31Listen, what?
09:33Do you want to go?
09:34Do you want to...
09:36Let's go.
09:36Let's go and have a drink.
09:37Forget it.
09:39Let's go back to mine.
09:40Just fuck off, okay?
09:43Come on, I bet I was good.
09:44I said fuck off now.
09:46What part of that don't you understand?
10:04Pathetic.
10:35Let's get a cab.
10:38It's all bloody image.
10:40We're in Babylon once.
10:42We're off our heads.
10:43And Alexander's going mad.
10:44We're in the middle.
10:45So we ended up dancing on a podium.
10:47You know, like twats.
10:48We look stupid, so what?
10:50And Stuart, he just walks away like we're dirt.
10:55Got those brochures for Australian.
10:57Oh, right, yeah, great.
11:00Expensive.
11:02I'll pay.
11:03Yeah, well, we'll see.
11:05And this bloke at Mardi Gras, right?
11:07Stuart's been out all weekend.
11:09He's had ketamine and God knows what.
11:11And he sees this bloke, he says,
11:13I'm having him.
11:19I love you.
11:28Right, do you want sex?
11:30I suppose I'll be your favourite, come on.
11:35I didn't do it for a shag.
11:39Nathan.
11:41It's all I've got to offer.
11:43How many men's had sex in here?
11:47Twenty-seven million.
11:52I was just on top.
11:54You don't even like me.
11:56You're not so bad.
11:59Really?
12:00Well, let's just say you're not the twat I thought you were.
12:04Is that all?
12:07That's all.
12:10Yeah, well, one day.
12:14Oh, yeah.
12:18Ten years' time.
12:19I'll be pushing 40, you'll be 25.
12:22Jesus.
12:24I can wait.
12:29I'm off.
12:31I've got to school.
12:35Have a coffee.
12:38What for?
12:39I don't know.
12:41What does anyone ever have coffee for? It's just coffee.
12:44I'd better go.
12:46Watch your video.
12:48Not porn.
12:50It's not always porn.
12:57Stay for a bit.
12:59Do you want me to?
13:03Do you want me to?
13:07Do you want me to stay?
13:09I don't mind.
13:11Do you really want me to stay?
13:14Yeah.
13:18Who'd have thought?
13:20Stuart Allen Jones begging me to stay.
13:24If you think that's begging you better not ever find yourself homeless.
13:28But when the morning comes.
13:31Don't say you love me.
13:33Don't say you need me.
13:36I really don't think that's fair.
13:38Boy, I'm not so dumb.
13:40Boo!
14:06I'm gonna be late.
14:07Where's that folder? The blue folder.
14:11Shit.
14:12The traffic this time of day.
14:15Right. I'm off.
14:17You all right? You've got the keys.
14:18Careful with the door. It needs pulling.
14:21See ya.
14:22You don't have to say anything back.
14:23Yeah. God, I'm late.
14:25The door needs pulling.
14:26I've said that, haven't I?
14:28Bye.
14:37Bye.
14:56What?
14:57Thought I'd better say thanks.
14:59For K-9.
15:02I mean, he's great.
15:04And I know the circumstances were a bit sort of...
15:08Well, he's great.
15:10Or it's great. Whatever.
15:12He. I think Tom Baker says he.
15:16So, thanks.
15:19Anytime.
15:22Better go.
16:02What are you doing for lunch?
16:06Rosalie's not going to say anything.
16:08But I've still got to look at her.
16:09I've got to spend every day telling her what to do and...
16:14How's Cameron?
16:16He's great. Yeah.
16:18Wants me to go on holiday.
16:19Melbourne.
16:20Sounds good.
16:22Poor sod.
16:23Given six months, you'll be able to name all the Doctor Whos.
16:26In order.
16:27William Hartnell, Patrick Trout and John Pertwee, Tom Baker, Peter Davison, Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy.
16:32What about Paul McGann?
16:34Paul McGann doesn't count.
16:36Paul McGann doesn't count.
16:41It's all right, though.
16:43Me and Cameron.
16:44It's okay.
16:44It's a bit of a love job, actually.
16:47Says he loves me.
16:50How's things with you?
16:51How's Alfred?
16:58It pisses me off, though.
17:00First one to say love.
17:02He's in charge.
17:03Puts him in charge.
17:04I don't know.
17:07It's all a bit grown up.
17:12You're supposed to ask if I love him.
17:14You can't.
17:15You can't even respect him.
17:17He loves Vince Tyler, so that makes him stupid.
17:20The moment he said it, it all just died.
17:23No.
17:24It's nothing like that.
17:33Me, though?
17:35I can't be the best Shaggy's ever had.
17:37He's Australian.
17:39I don't even know if I'm a good kisser.
17:41How do you know if you're a good kisser?
17:43You just know.
17:47Fuck off.
17:50It's not as if I've ever done anything.
17:52You've done nothing, Vince.
17:54You go to work.
17:55You go for a drink.
17:56You sit and watch cheap science fiction.
17:58Small and tiny world.
17:59What is there that's so impressive about that?
18:01What is there to love?
18:04Yeah.
18:08It was good enough for me.
18:19I'm late.
18:20I've got to go.
18:22Tell him what you like.
18:23You're in charge, not him.
18:26Tell him...
18:28Tell him he's lucky.
18:30I'll see you around.
18:31I could do this again.
18:33What do you think?
18:34Just lunch.
18:35No arm in it.
18:37Nah.
18:39Sorry, Vince, but my world is huge.
18:52Just in case I'll let me stay.
18:55Not permanent.
18:56Hey, how are you doing?
18:57Just tonight.
18:58Gary's got his mates round.
19:00It's like a bonzie Chester Zoo.
19:01Police cars, two broken legs, lesbians screaming, lands patty through a grate and ships out the country.
19:06Your mother had a front row seat.
19:08You're never sad.
19:09Well, I don't see you anymore.
19:11No, you're Mr Grown-Up now.
19:13It's all dinner for two.
19:14Don't you worry about us.
19:16We're still here, still having a laugh.
19:19Now, don't say that about Cameron.
19:21I think he's lovely, Vince.
19:22That's not fair.
19:23He's a very nice man.
19:25I, uh, I was just coming round.
19:27You're wrong form.
19:28When am I not?
19:29When you look.
19:31There you go.
19:31Don't look.
19:32By the pillow.
19:33It's Christian Hobbs.
19:35Who's he with?
19:36It's Caffey Mott.
19:37He's done all right.
19:39She's top of the list, year 12.
19:41What are they doing here, though?
19:43He's out to impress.
19:45Canal Street.
19:46It's New York to year 12.
19:48Like, he's so cool.
19:50He's tops off.
19:56I had to see Hazel.
19:58I ordered a tenner.
19:59I thought you'd go to ground.
20:01My fault.
20:02I was going to be heavy.
20:05John?
20:14He smiled at me.
20:16The bastard smiled at me.
20:18Do you want to go?
20:19What's the point of staying in here?
20:29You coming, then?
20:31What?
20:31Like I've been driven out?
20:34What's this place for, Donna?
20:35What's it for?
20:37So, he's stood there in Baxter Power Station, Turbine B, wearing nothing but me Tommy
20:40off of the pants.
20:41When lo and behold, he comes back in.
20:43Oh, blimey, it's little Jimmy Osmond.
20:47Settle down with you.
20:48I'm young man now.
20:49I want to go now.
20:49Come on.
20:50Give him a chance.
21:01Because I just wanted to say.
21:07Because that boy over there, checked shirt, white t-shirt, dark hair with the blonde girl,
21:11him.
21:13I'm in school with him, right?
21:14His name is Christian Hobbs.
21:16And Christian Hobbs, do you know what he does?
21:18He finds a boy.
21:19And if that boy's a bit quiet, if he's a bit different, Christian Hobbs kicks his head
21:24in.
21:25He kicks him and he calls him queer.
21:26That boy there, he beats us up because we're queer.
21:32Plenty more I could have said, Christian.
21:34And that's a favour.
21:36Oi, sonny Jim, that's your cue to fuck off out.
21:40Peace out.
21:42I think that's what we call the public service.
21:45We've had a party.
21:47He's here.
21:48He's queer.
21:49I'm buying it.
21:50My beer.
21:51Hazel, I was thinking.
21:52I mean, it's been great and all.
21:53And I hope you don't mind, but I think I might move back home.
21:56Oh, bugger it.
21:57That's the rent money gone.
21:58Oh, look at me.
21:59I'm filling up.
22:00I'm lost.
22:00Can I have his room?
22:02You're dancing, you are.
22:26That's me with a moustache.
22:3715. Yeah. Bastard.
22:53Marcy, can you take that to wages?
22:55What did you last slave, Dale?
22:57A good beating. It's for Simon Carter.
23:00Do you know him? Black hair, sort of Fox Mulder look.
23:04He's got the best arse in this shop.
23:08Are you putting a good word for me? I've always fancied him.
23:11Run along.
23:29Well, someone had to get the flags out.
23:32What? That's France, though.
23:33I told you. He came with the cheese.
23:36See you later.
23:38Maybe tomorrow. You've seen enough of him, Donna. It's my turn.
23:43Donna! You left that bloody door open!
23:51I'm still going to go out. To the village.
23:54Not on school nights, you're not.
23:59And I'm not going to change. You know that, don't you?
24:01Because it isn't a phase. I'm not going to grow out of it.
24:07I'm going to be gay forever.
24:10You've made your mind up.
24:12It's obvious there's no stopping you.
24:17It's Helen I'm worried about.
24:19She's ten years old.
24:21She's a child.
24:22I don't want her head filled with notions.
24:26Like what?
24:30As far as Helen's concerned,
24:33the anus is for shit.
24:37Got that?
24:43Knock, knock.
24:45Your sister's been sent.
25:04No, she's not in her room.
25:13No, she's not in her room.
25:15My bloody wallet's gone.
25:17Will that get us to London?
25:18Should do, yeah.
25:26Are you coming?
25:29This had better be good.
25:33Get it.
25:54Hello, sugar face, you're right.
25:56My world's so fucking huge.
26:01Yeah, I know I'm late,
26:02but I had to buy them a drink at work.
26:04Never mind them.
26:06Wait a minute.
26:06Jesus Christ!
26:08You word the door on this?
26:10Yeah, I'll take it to the garage.
26:11Now get a move on
26:12or else we'll lose the table.
26:13Listen to that.
26:15Can't I just leave it?
26:16Just hurry up.
26:17I'll get Bernie to fix it.
26:19Don't trust Bernie.
26:20I'll take it to the garage.
26:23I'll do it.
26:24Yeah, like you'll fix the door
26:25in your flat.
26:27Oh, well.
26:28It's like waiting for a kid
26:29to tidy his bedroom.
26:31I paid for the bloody thing.
26:32I'll take charge.
26:35Vince?
26:37Are you there?
26:39Vince, you still there?
26:43How many Doctor Whos can you name?
26:45What do you mean?
26:47All the actors who played Doctor Who.
26:49Name them.
26:49I don't know.
26:51Just try.
26:53Well...
26:54John Pertwee, Tom Baker...
26:56Is that it?
26:58It doesn't matter.
26:59Any more?
27:00They're the bloke with white hair.
27:03William Hartnell.
27:04Any more?
27:06The men.
27:07What the hell does it matter?
27:10The men.
27:12Sorry?
27:13What?
27:14It's breaking up.
27:16We're breaking up.
27:17Sorry.
27:19Sorry.
27:23There's a man.
27:34A��k.
27:35What the hell?
27:35Wait a minute.
27:35Come on.
27:36He'll give me.
27:37My man.
27:38Oh.
27:39will you?
27:45And I only wanna be with you, baby
27:48Yes, you know I'm gonna be
27:51Heaven here with me, you can let
27:53Taxi!
27:56Taxi!
27:57Santa Maria!
28:00I'm not gonna be with you, but I'm not gonna be with you
28:04Santa Maria!
28:07Taxi!
28:11Big issue!
28:12Yes, it is!
28:27Unrequired love, it's fantastic!
28:29Because it never has to change, it never has to grow up, and it never has to die!
28:33Santa Maria!
28:36I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here
28:41Taxi!
28:43Taxi!
28:45Taxi!
28:47Taxi!
28:47Taxi!
28:49Taxi!
28:50Taxi!
29:07Humility is rising, the run is getting old
29:13According to the muscle said, the streets are the place to go
29:19It's a night for the first time, just about half-tested
29:25For the first time in history, it's gonna start raining men
29:33It's raining men, hallelujah, it's raining men, amen
29:40I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna let myself get
29:44Absolutely soaking wet
29:48It's raining men, hallelujah, it's raining men
29:54Every step's a man
29:56Tall, hard, dark, need
29:59But the tough and strong in need
30:04God bless Mother Nature
30:06She's a single woman too
30:10She took over heaven
30:13I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna go out
30:13Oh for a while, flat way
30:14Why are you, Janice
30:14Hungry woman G clover