00:21¡Gracias!
00:40C'mon Jughead Smith, you're late again.
00:44Jughead! Oh Jughead!
00:54Oh my stars and little hop toads.
00:58Oh, to use the three R's as a restin', reclinin', and reposin'.
01:04Pa, Pa, you just gotta take the strap to that there, boy,
01:08for the truant officer comes after him again.
01:13He's doin' I'll fill him so full of buckshot,
01:17he'll think he was a walkin' piccolo.
01:21Ain't no need for Jug to go to no school anyway.
01:24Only thing a boy gotta know is splittin' kindlin' and shootin' varmint.
01:30Oh, now, Pa, you want that boy to grow up a lazy, noble critter like you?
01:36Louise's right, Jughead.
01:38If you went to school, you could grow up to be president of these whole United States.
01:42A hootin' holler, too?
01:44Absolutely.
01:45Did you know that Abraham Lincoln was a poor farm boy just like you?
01:49A simple woodchoppin' country boy.
01:52He a-came president of this whole United States just like me?
01:56A simple woodchoppin' country boy?
02:00Just call me Honest Abe Jughead, the woodchoppin'est president ever.
02:17Snuffy Smith, I challenge you to a wrestle.
02:22Yeah, sure, they'll wrestle.
02:25Great balls of fire!
02:28This boy is touched!
02:29This'll teach you to fool with Honest Abe Jughead!
02:33Uncle!
02:34Uncle!
02:37We gotta get that boy into school before he kills me!
02:42You can fool some of them people a part of the time,
02:46and the whole pastel of the people most of the time,
02:49but I tell you, you can't fool me none of the time!
02:56Well, I hope she'll raise that there chick to vote for Honest Abe Jughead!
03:02Four score, and seven years ago!
03:06That's good!
03:07Hey, Snuffy!
03:09How you spell four?
03:10How do I know?
03:12I'm goin' to the barn,
03:14where a man can get some peace from his cuckoo kinfolk!
03:21Now, stop your wailing, Louisiana, and tell me what happened!
03:25Oh, I don't rightly know, Barney.
03:28Jughead just up and disappeared into the woods last night,
03:32and we ain't seen hidin' a harem since, do!
03:36Now, you old hound dog,
03:38go find that Jughead what's lost!
03:40Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop!
03:52Glory, glory, hallelujah, teacher hit me with a roll!
03:57Gloria, gloria, hallelujah
04:00Never gonna go to school
04:05Mr. Chairman, unconstituations
04:09Friends, the state of the Union is terrible
04:13United we stand, divided we fall
04:23Uncle Bernie, I'm a-thinkin'
04:26All that choppin' and rasslin' and speechin'
04:30Ain't never gonna make me no president know-how
04:33Well, that's for sure, Jughead
04:35You gotta learn to read and write first
04:37Why, Abe Lincoln used to walk 20 miles every day just to go to school
04:42What? 20 miles a day?
04:57Oh, Bernie, you sure is a wonder with that there boy
05:00Oh, Snuffy will be mighty pleased that Abe Lincoln business is over
05:06Oh, no!
05:08I think I'll mosey up to the Capitol
05:10I got a few things to say to that state legacy leecher
05:15My friend!
05:17Oh, no!
05:20Oh, no!
05:21Oh, no!
05:22Oh, no!
05:22Oh, no!
05:23Oh, no!
05:23Oh, no!
05:24Oh, no!
05:25Oh, no!
05:25Oh, no!
05:26Oh, no!
05:26Gracias.
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