- 16 hours ago
First broadcast 4th January 2013.
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00CHEERS
00:02Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening.
00:05Welcome.
00:07All right.
00:08Well, now, Alan, we're going to make your life a little easier.
00:10We're going to lower the lights here.
00:12I can go home?
00:12Yeah.
00:17Now, Alan...
00:18This is unfair.
00:19Alan gets a girl.
00:20I've got Jack.
00:22I'm going to ask Alan...
00:23He gets a girl.
00:26Steady.
00:27Steady.
00:27I'm gonna ask you on a very specific question now. Can you feel your sphincter relaxing?
00:44It's a perfectly innocent question. I must say I thought it was until you asked
00:54Well, what you might have said is which sphincter? Oh, of course
01:01Because you may not know this, but you have many sphincters. Oh, I know, I know
01:04I know a thing or two about sphincters. Tell me about sphincters. I once had, this may not be an
01:08appropriate story
01:11I once had, I once had a bladder complaint. This is not STI. It was just a, I was getting
01:16up in the middle
01:17Why are you looking at me when you say that?
01:19I thought you would understand
01:22If you go to the doctor sometimes they say we're gonna pop a camera in we're gonna have an explore
01:26and it was it was in my in my bladder
01:27There was an issue. Yes in my bladder so they they decided to get a camera and just
01:32Pop it in my bladder and obviously the easiest way to get in is to is to through the schlong
01:37is through the schlong
01:38And I thought I imagine the camera will be like the width of a human hair. It was like it
01:42was like a pain
01:43Oh
01:45And they and they and they fed it in and it was it was about ten years ago. I had
01:48this
02:02And it was about ten years ago
02:04And it was it was a lovely nurse that was doing the procedure and as she sort of fetish what
02:08what do you do for living?
02:08She was trying to start conversation at this awkward moment
02:10In a man's life. She went what did you do for living? I'm a comedian and she went tell us
02:14a joke
02:15It is a matter of professional pride that I did
02:17Oh well done
02:20There's a claim to the origin of the term Lynch which is a man called James Lynch fit Stephen who
02:26was the mayor of Galway in Ireland and he hanged his own son
02:30From the balcony of his house after convicting him of the murder of a Spanish visitor in 1493
02:36So that's pretty bold isn't it?
02:39Wow
02:39It's on a bike
02:40It's an extreme dentist lesson
02:42He never did it again
02:45No
02:45Did he say hang the ground fun for stealing a bike?
02:49No
02:49No!
02:51Did he say what did you think that said?
02:53I misheard you because I'm so hungry
02:54I don't want to stop
02:55Killing his
02:55I can't concentrate but I'm hungry
02:57Killing a Spaniard
02:58So killing a Spanish visitor
02:59Killing a Spanish visitor
03:00Yes, Spaniard
03:01He killed him
03:02Did he not listen to you?
03:03No he doesn't
03:03I'm starving hungry
03:04Are you?
03:05Right
03:05And now I can't concentrate because I'm having a blood sugar crash
03:08I never get called up for jury service and you're hungry in the afternoon
03:12What was it?
03:13Kill a Spaniard or stole a bike?
03:17It's quite an important deception
03:20Starving
03:20Can I get an apple?
03:21Yeah
03:22Where did that come from?
03:23I don't know
03:23Stole a bike?
03:24I don't know
03:25I was just drifting off I was thinking about a pasta
03:27When he's
03:29When his brain sugar drops I'm afraid all kinds of weird things start to happen
03:34Well there's no one got something to eat here
03:35Do we not?
03:36Are you bringing food down?
03:37Here you go
03:37Come on
03:37Thank you very much
03:40Here we are
03:41What?
03:42What?
03:44Oh
03:45What's up?
03:45I'm having a flapjack
03:47Oh flapjack
03:48Oh flapjack
03:49Oh yeah
03:49Yeah
03:50Oh thank you
03:51Yeah go on
03:52Oh yes
03:52There we go
03:54There we go
04:00I've got something interesting to show you now so I wanted to tell me what it is quite simply
04:04Oh god
04:05What's the name for one of those?
04:06Well it's a Toby
04:07Yes
04:08No this is known as a character jug
04:10Oh
04:10If you want to know what a Toby jug looks like
04:13It's that
04:14Toby jug is the whole person
04:16Oh wow
04:16Is it that pretty?
04:18If it's a head it's called a character jug
04:19But I've got something more interesting
04:21I think
04:22I hope you're going to like
04:25It's got water in it
04:26All you have to do is drink the water without spilling it
04:29It's got holes in it
04:31So if you lift it to
04:34Right
04:36It's got holes in it
04:38So that's not going to work
04:40Do you see?
04:42No
04:43It's not the wrong idea
04:47So you've got to try and work it out
04:49Just pour out this biro
04:49Try
04:50It's a small
04:52Like that
04:52I'm evolving
04:53Ah you're getting that
04:54You're getting that
04:55So what are you doing?
04:56But no no no don't pour it because the water will come up
04:58Look at the handle
04:59The handle is connected to the bottom
05:01So if you could suck one of those tubes
05:04Cover the holes
05:06The other hole
05:07And then suck through there
05:08But there's a secret hole you've got to cover too
05:10Oh there
05:10Get those two
05:12Look under
05:14Look under the handle
05:15Look under the top of the handle
05:17Oh
05:18That hole there
05:19If you cover that
05:20And the other two holes
05:22Then you can
05:23Bit of a pilaf
05:25There
05:25Yes
05:29It's just an electrical hazard
05:31So that is
05:32Someone might as well just suck it
05:34That's it
05:34Now you can suck it
05:35Don't tip it
05:36You're pollux
05:38Sorry
05:44Yes
05:44Yes
05:45Jizz
05:45As you knew as a bird spotter
05:47Is that indefinable something
05:48The shape
05:49The gate
05:49The outline
05:50That allows you to identify
05:52Yes
05:53But we have the four birds we showed you
05:55You're going to say we have some jizz
05:56No
05:58You have some birds you can identify here by their jizz
06:01We literally do
06:03We literally do
06:04Oh look
06:05They all begin with J
06:06That's your clue
06:07Oh
06:07I'm going to say that's a jayhawk
06:09No
06:09It's not a hawk is it
06:10Look at it
06:11I mean
06:12What are you saying
06:13Oh is that a hawk
06:15That is a hawk
06:16It's walking down and picking up a rabbit
06:18You know that's not based to scale Bill
06:20Oh right
06:22Oh it's a long way off
06:24It's massive
06:25A hawk's beak and eye
06:26A hawk's beak
06:27A hawk's beak
06:28A hawk's beak
06:29It's a raptor
06:30That's not a raptor
06:31That's a flycatcher
06:32That's a flycatcher
06:32You are very good
06:34It's a flycatcher
06:35It's a flycatcher
06:36He's good
06:36He's good
06:37Yeah don't mess with the jizzmeister
06:40Hey
06:41I was second on that
06:42No you weren't
06:43I came second
06:44You weren't even close
06:44A hawk
06:45You just mentioned the type of bird
06:47Right okay well stick up the next one I'm pretty sure
06:49That is just
06:50That is just
06:50Medieval times
06:51Did they go out with a gauntlet
06:53That is fly
06:53That is for
06:54That is for the black tail
06:56Bring me a fly
06:57Just to finish it
06:58That was a flycatcher
06:59It was a juan fernandez tit tyrant
07:02Oh god here we go again
07:09Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute
07:10Wait a minute wait a minute
07:11A juan fernandez tit tyrant
07:15I'm dressed in spotty chested member of the tyrant flycatcher company
07:20A spotty chested member
07:21Yeah yeah yeah
07:22There are points for knowing where the juan fernandez islands are
07:25Juan fernandez
07:27Breast cock lame
07:36You are getting into this very much
07:40What I'm going to try and do
07:42Is I'm going to try and create something
07:44That will make you think
07:45No
07:47No Stephen this is not possible
07:49Stephen I will now bow down and worship you forever
07:52I'm going to try and create
07:56A square
07:58Bubble
07:59No
07:59No
08:00Shut up Stephen
08:03On the verge of worshipping you forever
08:05Yeah exactly
08:05How would you not be a square bubble
08:08Shut the front door
08:09So I've got this
08:10I've got this here
08:11Here's can you see that bubble there
08:12Oh
08:13Wow
08:14It's not yet square
08:15But if I
08:16If I
08:16If I blow
08:20Oh look at that
08:21No way
08:22Square bubble
08:23Square bubble
08:25Square bubble
08:25Oh wow
08:32How amazing is that
08:34Very cool
08:35On television
08:36Virtually live
08:38As live
08:38As we say
08:40It's probably the only interesting and important thing I've ever done in my life
08:45That I'm proud
08:46And thank you for enjoying my square bubble
08:48Thank you
08:49Oh my goodness
08:50Oh you can try this pen
08:51Try writing something with a pen
08:53Oh this is going to be hilarious
08:54Oh dear
09:01Oh dear
09:03That is quite a severe electric shock
09:10Take your word for it
09:13It's not insignificant that one
09:14That is barely a joke
09:26A bendy pencil
09:31Have you ever seen an inside out moon
09:48They didn't make that noise
09:50Bill, do it, Bill, this is the Bill
09:52Yeah, but soup dragon
09:55Are you doing the soup dragon?
09:56Yeah, I'm doing the soup dragon
09:57The soup dragon wasn't like that
09:59He did a gurgle
10:04I have to say, I have to say in all honesty
10:07He's an impartial judge, Bill wins the clangery
10:13Do you know about the chat the auctioneer summoned to the big Scottish castle
10:16This is not a joke, by the way
10:17But he was summoned to a big Scottish castle
10:19Their lord had just died and their family was selling off all the contents
10:23And he was looking around, trying to find this hat stand
10:25Which he couldn't
10:25And then finally he came across it
10:27And it was a German soldier
10:28And what had happened
10:30Was that the lord, or his ancestors
10:32Had been in the First World War
10:33With his Batman
10:34Who it was always supposed was a little more than his Batman
10:37Right
10:37Who had looked over the trench to see if it was alright
10:39And was shot by the Germans on the other side
10:41And this enraged the Scottish chap so much
10:44He ran across no man's land, killed the German
10:46And dragged him back to the British trenches
10:50Sent him home with instructions
10:51He'd be stuffed and used as a hat stand for the rest of time
10:55But only 80 years had elapsed
10:57So it was as though his ancestors would still be around in Germany
11:00And they would come
11:01And they had to go find them
11:03And say, oh, did he have a dignified death
11:06Not really, no
11:12I had two fellas come into my flat once
11:14And they must have been first-time burglars
11:16And I was a first-time burglary
11:19So I was sort of coming down the stairs
11:21Yeah, that's it
11:21I was coming halfway down the stairs
11:22I was in my boxing shorts
11:23And they were sort of at the bottom of the stairs in masks
11:27And there was a point where I thought
11:29Oh my God, I'm dead
11:29Like, this is it, I'm dead
11:30And they panicked
11:32I don't know why
11:33Because I'm not a scary-looking bloke
11:34And there was a bit of silence
11:36And then one of them went
11:37Can we borrow some milk?
11:42Were they three cats?
11:45Well, it is often the case
11:47That the criminal is more scared
11:48You know, it's a scary thing to do
11:50It's a child, I suppose
11:51There's a friend of mine saw a mugging in Central Park in New York
11:54And he started running after the mugger
11:56And then he realised
11:57He thought, what am I going to do?
11:58And this mugger turned round
12:00So he turned round
12:01And then started running after the mugger
12:03And he just shouted out
12:05I'm a marathon runner
12:06I'm going to keep my distance from you
12:08Whatever you do
12:09And just kept running backwards
12:10And then the guy dropped the bag and ran off
12:13Because he just didn't
12:14They were just like two-in-and-throw-in like that
12:16And he just maintained a constant distance
12:18I remember getting mugged
12:20And I was 17
12:2116, 17
12:21I get mugged
12:22And the guy said
12:23Give us your money or we'll beat you up
12:25And I remember thinking
12:26Out of the two options
12:27I'm not bothered about this 20 quid
12:28I gave him the money
12:29And then he beat me up
12:31He still beat me up
12:32And I remember afterwards
12:33Being more upset
12:33By that sort of breach of verbal conscience
12:37And we'd enter into an agreement
12:39And he turned into an agreement
12:41I was like, fair enough
12:42There is no stronger, hotter, smart
12:44That you feel as a child in particular
12:46Than injustice, is there?
12:48Injustice is a horrible thing
12:49And that was unjust
12:51There's the bridge
12:52And you're about to see a superhero
12:54A man of astounding courage and bravery
12:57Yeah
12:57Do a bungee jump
12:58Off the original
12:59AJ Hackett bridge
13:00There he is
13:01Can you see him there?
13:03He's fat
13:04He's...
13:05He's...
13:05It's me!
13:10There I am
13:11That was me bungee jumping
13:13Just last
13:14Earlier this year, in fact
13:16Goodness me
13:16And do you know
13:17The weird thing is
13:18I am the biggest coward in the world
13:20The moment
13:21The moment I was picked up
13:22By the relief boat
13:23That picked you up
13:24I said
13:25I want to do it again
13:27The adrenaline surge
13:28Is so enormous
13:30It is the biggest fun
13:31I've ever had
13:33And does it
13:34Does it pull at your ankles?
13:36Well
13:37The major problem
13:38Usually is detached retinas
13:40Actually
13:40Yes
13:40People get Popeye's
13:41What about when we went scuba diving
13:44And your mask was too tight?
13:45Yeah
13:46I don't know
13:47His eyes nearly came out of his head
13:49Oh
13:51He was inside the mask
13:53And his massive eyes
13:56We're all going
13:57Look at Bill
13:58Jack is alright
13:59Jack is alright
14:00When we found out
14:01It was alright
14:01I laughed
14:01I laughed
14:02I laughed
14:03I laughed
14:04I laughed
14:04No, no
14:05Can I just
14:06Wait
14:06Wait, wait, wait
14:07Wait, wait
14:07Well, rewind, rewind
14:08Can we just go back to the bit
14:10Where you said
14:11Can we
14:11When you checked
14:12We were alright
14:13You laughed my head
14:14You were laughing
14:15From the minute
14:16My face came out of the water
14:19There was blood
14:20There was blood
14:21Pouring out of my eyes
14:23You had no idea
14:24You had no idea
14:25I had no idea
14:26I was going
14:26What?
14:27People were going
14:27Oh my
14:28Oh my
14:30Oh my god
14:31I was like
14:32What?
14:33Like Carrie
14:33Was I
14:34With blood
14:35Screaming from my eyes
14:36You really get eyeballs
14:38But it took quite a long time
14:39For them to receive
14:40Yes, it did
14:41And a lot of laughing
14:43Was going on
14:44I thought you had
14:44Some sort of magnifying
14:46Mask on
14:47But they were
14:47Still enormous
14:49Enormous
14:52When we lived in Australia
14:53My wife bought a horse
14:54And she's desperate
14:55To try and get me to ride
14:56Right
14:56So she said
14:57I bought this horse
14:58It's really docile
14:59And you'll be fine
15:00So I got
15:01Well no
15:01There was actually
15:03The problem was
15:03It was too docile
15:04What happened
15:04Was it ended up
15:06Being studied
15:06By Melbourne University
15:08Because
15:08Yeah
15:09Because
15:10It was one of the few horses
15:12That was
15:14Medically
15:14Got narcolepsy
15:16So I swear to God
15:18It's a horse
15:19It's one of the
15:20Rare cases
15:22Of a narcoleptic horse
15:24So she buys this horse
15:25And she said
15:26She couldn't work out
15:27Why every time
15:28When she was grooming it
15:29It would get heavier
15:36So she couldn't groom it
15:37Because it would fall on her
15:38So she says to me
15:39It's fine
15:40The horse is narcoleptic
15:41Get on it
15:42And so I got on it
15:44In full motorbike gear
15:45Because I wasn't taking
15:46Any chances
15:47And I sat on this horse
15:49And it started to just
15:51And you know
15:52Normally you kick a horse
15:54To make it go
15:54This one
15:55You kicked it
15:55And it would go
15:55What?
15:56Like that
15:56To make it up
15:58And sometimes
15:58It would fall asleep
16:00Against the electric fence
16:02So it would go
16:03It would go like that
16:04Oh, hey, oh, oh, hey
16:06It's like Jack Douglas
16:07From The Carry On
16:12There's a man called
16:13Theo Jensen
16:13Who's an extraordinary
16:14Artist inventor
16:15Who's created
16:16This remarkable machine
16:18Do you know about it?
16:18It walks along
16:19It walks on the sand
16:20Without any electronics
16:22Or anything else like that
16:22Just powered by the wind
16:24I mean it's really extraordinary
16:25This is some of the things
16:26It can do
16:26No metallic or electronic parts
16:28Remember that
16:29You can detect the tide coming in
16:30Walk away from the water
16:31Anchor itself
16:32By hammering a pin into the ground
16:34That's what it looks like
16:35If the wind gets too strong
16:37You can even store up air in bottles
16:38When the wind is blowing
16:40And release it
16:40To keep itself moving
16:41When the wind drops
16:42Lots of clips on YouTube
16:43But you have to go to Holland
16:44To see them live on the beach
16:45But
16:46Through the magic
16:47Of the next big thing in tech
16:50Which is 3D printing
16:51Where you can print an object out
16:53This is a 3D printed object
16:55It's entirely 3D printed
16:56It needed no extra thing
16:58Except to have the propeller
16:59Put on the end
17:00Wow
17:01And this is a version
17:02Of the sea beast
17:03And instead of blowing
17:04I'm going to use a little
17:05Sort of electric fan
17:06Like so
17:08There we go
17:09Wow
17:11Sand beast
17:14Isn't that cool
17:15That's great
17:15And that was printed out
17:18But isn't that an amazing object
17:21It's really spooky
17:22It's coming from glasses
17:23I can't believe you got that
17:24From a 3D printer
17:25I know
17:25I sort of feel like
17:27This is going to be bluff
17:28That can't be a real thing
17:29I promise you it's true
17:30So you
17:30How does it work
17:31Is it a block of resin
17:32How does it
17:33It's basically lasers
17:34Fusing pounded plastic together
17:35Even though they consist
17:36Of at least 76
17:37Separate moving
17:38Interlocking parts
17:39They emerge from the printer
17:41Ready to operate
17:42Without the need
17:43For further assembly
17:44With the exception
17:45Of the addition
17:46Of the propeller
17:47No way
17:48That's absolutely right
17:48That is the future
17:49Isn't it amazing
17:50Let's hear it
17:51For this amazing routine
17:53Brilliant
17:55Really impressive
17:58The saddest
17:59Possibly
18:00The saddest story
18:01Of a hide and seek
18:02That you can think of
18:03Although it has
18:03A kind of happy ending
18:05Is a new way
18:06A Chinese pianist
18:07Who was playing
18:08A hide and seek
18:08And he electrocuted
18:09Himself
18:09And so badly
18:11That he lost
18:11Both his arms
18:12So he learnt
18:13To play the piano
18:14With his toes
18:16So he could play
18:16And all of his toes
18:17Worked
18:18All of his toes
18:18They look like fingers
18:19It's actually astonishing
18:20It's really amazing
18:21Are you sure
18:21He just hasn't got
18:22His head in the right place
18:25He's got his hands
18:26They're a pair of trousers
18:29Look at my toes
18:30Look at my toes
18:31I take my socks off
18:36Play the piano
18:37With my toes
18:38Everyone
18:38He's saying he's a man
18:41Who can play the piano
18:41With his feet
18:42He's a man
18:42With a penis
18:43That looks like a face
18:48I have to do a story
18:50That's to do with pranks
18:51At medical school
18:52Oh lovely
19:21My flatmate
19:23And they thought
19:24Oh dear
19:25God
19:25What's going on
19:26Please God
19:26No
19:26Not what I'm thinking
19:27I hope you're
19:29I believe you're not thinking
19:30What I was thinking
19:31You get along
19:33Please
19:34Let's not
19:35Did she fall into a fix
19:37No, no
19:40Don't
19:40And then couldn't get it out
19:41We're all thinking
19:42We're all thinking
19:44The raw up must be the wrong thing
19:45No, so they went into the room
19:47And she was sitting on the bed
19:48Eating it
19:49EATING IT
19:53I'm sorry to have to tell you
19:55But that's absolutely true
19:56Why was she eating it?
19:57She was hungry
19:58I think it freaked
19:59Yeah
19:59What was that?
20:01She was hungry
20:02And it's like
20:03I'm not hungry right now
20:04I'm not eating your hand
20:06Why is that?
20:08I want you all to do
20:09A jolly jake now
20:10Which is make
20:11A dart
20:12A paper dart
20:12And see
20:13The person who can throw it
20:14The furthest wins
20:15Talk amongst themselves
20:16Yes
20:17There are various kinds you can do
20:19Just try the
20:20Type you did at school
20:21I totally forgot how to do this
20:23And obviously
20:24Take your time
20:25As quickly as you can
20:26The thing is
20:27I'm going to make one
20:28In the way we used to make them
20:28At school
20:29Knowing full well
20:30That they didn't fly very well
20:31Well
20:32Some people were good at it
20:33And some people weren't
20:34See how well you're doing
20:37Precision engineering
20:39Oops
20:40I've made a hat
20:43I'm going to put little flaps on mine
20:45Is that all right
20:46I just had that idea
20:49You seem to be
20:51David
20:52Have a go
20:53As far as you can go
20:54Yeah
21:01Did you throw
21:02Or did you pass
21:03Like a bowler
21:04It's up to you
21:06Yours looks great
21:07It looks incredible
21:11There you go
21:14It went up because of the flaps
21:16Yeah
21:16The flaps
21:18Flaps gave it lift
21:20Watch out in the background
21:21This is going to be lethal
21:24It's one of those
21:24It's one of those
21:24Stealth ones
21:25You won't be able to see it
21:26You won't be able to measure it
21:27You can buy it from Wix
21:28It's got our name on it
21:30Oh
21:37A suicide plane
21:39That's impossible
21:40Where is that far?
21:41It defies all laws of physics
21:42I thought it was acrobatics
21:43Sue, your chance for glory
21:45I thought I don't think it's going to happen
21:53Well, despite the brilliance of Amy Johnson
21:55But would you be surprised to know
21:56That the paper airplane
21:57That goes the furthest
21:58Looks like this
22:01Stop
22:01Yeah, that's a bracelet
22:02I know
22:03It seems
22:05Hardly credible
22:05You just scrunch it up
22:08Unfortunately
22:10Not very good at throwing it
22:12I've practiced a bit
22:13But the world record
22:14Is 200 yards
22:15No way
22:16I'm not kidding
22:17Straight down
22:18It's supposed to give it a twist
22:19And that's why I'm not good
22:20I've never thrown an American football
22:21That's what you're going to do
22:22Is you do it in the style
22:23Of an American football
22:24Oh
22:26There you go
22:28Well done
22:29Well done
22:29Well done
22:30Pretty good
22:31Isn't it
22:33Are you a Chitty Chitty Ben Bang fan?
22:35I haven't watched it since I was a child
22:37Because I think that's when you're supposed to watch it
22:40Those two
22:41That's girls
22:42You see little girls grow out to be women
22:44And little boys grow out to be big little boys
22:46Yeah, we've just got too much
22:47You've got too much
22:47You've got too much stuff to do
22:48Do you have children though?
22:50No
22:50Ah, well, when you do then maybe
22:52No, no, no
22:52You plan not to
22:53No
22:54There's no when, Stephen
22:56There's no
22:56No
22:57You're not going to adopt a little shiny little baby
23:00A shiny one?
23:02Are they varnished?
23:04Can I varnish one?
23:06I don't know
23:07They might be more attractive if they're shiny
23:09I don't
23:10It's not my field
23:11I don't
23:11They might even reveal his plans for a child buffing workshop
23:18Where a craftsman would get toddlers to a high sheen
23:25More...more lacquer, little boy
23:37You're the shiniest one
23:40We shall put you in the Harrods window
23:44I'm still alive in here
23:46I'm still alive in here
23:47I'm still alive in here
23:48Help me
23:49I can see my face in your face
23:52I can see my face in your face
23:54You might have changed my mind
23:55I thought they were very funny
23:56I had no idea
23:57Yeah
23:58My shiny little baby
23:59Thank you for that
23:59I didn't even love me
24:00Although slightly put off by the idea of the child buffing
24:09Thank you so much
24:16Now, making hydrogen with nails and drain cleaner would be a very jolly jape indeed
24:23Don't you think?
24:23Yes, I think
24:24So let's try it
24:25To prove that it's hydrogen I'm going to have to set fire to it
24:27I'm going to have to set fire to it on my own hands
24:30So, first of all I'm going to have a little basin of water I'm going to put here
24:33To dip my hand in
24:34To wet it
24:35So I don't burn myself too badly
24:36And then I have my really excite...
24:40Oh, hello
24:41Made a mistake
24:42Sorry, man in my ear
24:44Furious with me
24:44What's he fucking doing?
24:47Put the water down
24:51Do this properly or you will die
24:53Do you understand?
24:55Uh, no
24:57Start again for fuck's sake
24:59He was much gentler than that
25:01He was very sweet
25:02So, anyway
25:04I've been told to tell you
25:06Not to try this at home
25:09Try it at someone else's home
25:10Yeah, sorry
25:12The fire exits are there and there
25:15What I've got here is
25:17I've got some ordinary green-coloured washing-up liquid
25:21We're not allowed to mention its fairy
25:23Its name
25:26I've got a little chemical lab
25:27I don't know what you call this
25:28Flask
25:29Flask, I think is the word
25:30This is like going on a picnic with Heston Bloomington
25:35It's got some nails in it
25:36I'm going to add a few more
25:37A little bit of zinc
25:39And I've got here
25:40This is the hydrochloric acid basically
25:42When are you going to put on the safety goggles, Stephen?
25:44I'm going to put on the safety goggles now
25:45Because I'm about to open the bottle of acid
25:47Put the fucking safety goggles on!
25:50Not only that
25:51But I've also got
25:52I've also got
25:53I've also got
25:53I've also got a mask
25:55Here we go
25:56Sorry, sorry
25:57Can I just ask you
25:59You're putting on safety goggles
26:01Yeah
26:01You're putting on a mask
26:03I'm sorry
26:04You're fine
26:04You're expendable
26:07I may have the mask upside down
26:10It does tell you to put the mask on your children before putting it on yourself
26:14As on an aeroplane
26:16Got the fucking mask upside down!
26:19Right
26:19Okay
26:20I've got the goggles
26:21Right
26:22I've got this
26:22Now what I'm going to do
26:24Alright
26:24Is I'm going to pour this acid
26:26Jesus
26:27Onto some nails
26:28Into the nails
26:29That's right
26:30Why?
26:31And the zinc
26:32And the hydrochloric acid
26:33Will react
26:34Has he been drinking?
26:35Has he been drinking?
26:35He's been drinking fat
26:36Oh, there we go
26:37And that's going to produce quite a lot
26:39It's going away!
26:41It's going away!
26:41It's going away!
26:42I now have to put this
26:43I have to put this cork in it
26:45Sweet!
26:46If I put the cork in it tight enough
26:47It will come out of here
26:48And I put this in here
26:50And it will bubble up
26:52Right, that's important
26:55You say the same
26:56If the bubbles are made of hydrogen
26:59This is my contention
27:00This is my contention
27:00And the only way to prove it
27:01Is to grasp the bubbles
27:02I'm going to wet my hand now
27:03To be safer
27:05And grasp these bubbles
27:06What the hell is that?
27:07Oh, I'm going to take the bubbles
27:08It's like a sex cactus
27:09It's like a sex cactus
27:10Oh, God
27:12Oh!
27:15Oh!
27:16Oh!
27:16Oh!
27:16Pretty exciting!
27:18Pretty exciting!
27:20You can turn it again
27:21Oh, yeah!
27:23Let's get even more bubbles
27:24That is great
27:25Steven's goggles look so steamed up
27:27It's completely blind
27:28Even more bubbles
27:29Here we go
27:30It's blind as a blind King John of Bohemia
27:32Here we go
27:33Oh, come on
27:33Oh, work the lighter
27:35Oh, the light has stopped working
27:36Oh!
27:38Oh!
27:40Let's try again
27:41One more
27:41Put your hand in here
27:44Oh, come on
27:45Bloody lighter
27:47Expelliarmus
27:48Oh!
27:49Oh!
27:50Phew, that actually hurt
27:51Oh, wow
27:52I've made hydrogen, ladies and gentlemen
27:54Oh, yeah
27:56Wow
27:57That was very exciting
27:59Pretty exciting
28:01Very exciting
28:02Put the lid on the acid!
28:04Hey
28:04Uhh
Comments