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The Beverly Hillbillies (season 1) s01e23-jed-buys-the-freeway
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01:29You're Jed Clampett. I'd know you anywhere.
01:32Jed Clampett, just like Mother described you.
01:37You more knows me?
01:39Well, we live just beyond the ridge from here, back home.
01:42Well, it's mighty nice to have somebody from back home drop in on us.
01:45And it's mighty nice to feel the firm, friendly grip of a real mountain man again.
01:52Come in, come in.
01:54Don't believe a quote, your name?
01:55Uh, Jones.
01:56Harry Jones.
01:58There's an article here concerning a contentment known to be operating in this area.
02:03So?
02:03His M.O.
02:04That is police vernacular for modus operandi, which in turn is Latin.
02:09I know what modus operandi mean.
02:11I watched Dragnet for seven years.
02:14Sorry, Chief.
02:15To continue, his M.O. is to prey upon rural types, especially those who have come into money, like the
02:22Clampetts.
02:23He's particularly...
02:24Let's see that.
02:25Harry Jones, alias Herbie Jones, alias Herbie Brown, alias Herbie Brower.
02:30Came out to California and struck it rich.
02:33Acquired a lot of property.
02:35But now my heart says, Herbie boy, go back to the land of your childhood.
02:41You said you mean with Harry.
02:42Oh, it is.
02:44Herbie's my second name.
02:45The one Mother always used to favor.
02:47When I think of that, I think of home and Mother.
02:51You won't have passed on, has she?
02:52Well, no, she's very, very sick.
02:55That's why I have to dispose of all my vast California holdings.
02:58And I hurry to her side.
03:00Now, Mr. Clampett.
03:06How would you like to buy the Hollywood Bowl?
03:10Excuse me.
03:11Uh, where are you going?
03:13Well, I got to go out and fetch Granny.
03:14She's, uh, she takes care of buying everything for the kitchen like pots and pans and bowls.
03:20No, no, no, no, Mr. Clampett.
03:22It's not that kind of a bowl.
03:24The Hollywood Bowl is a vast open-air amphitheater.
03:28Seats 20,000 people.
03:30What in a Sam Hill would I want with a place like that?
03:33Well, do you know how much money the Hollywood Bowl took in last year?
03:38Can't say as I do.
03:39Four million dollars.
03:41Is that a fact?
03:42That's right.
03:43Four million dollars?
03:44Yes, sirree, Bob.
03:46What in a Sam Hill would I want with a place like that?
03:51You, uh, you mean four million dollars doesn't interest you?
03:54Well, not especially.
03:55I already got more than a need now.
03:57Well, congratulations.
04:00You just passed the test.
04:03What test?
04:03I just wanted to see if you were still that sweet, honest, ungreedy man that my dear mother told me
04:11about.
04:14As the bulletin says, he is particularly clever at selling public parks and monuments to these rural types.
04:20He convinces them that he's one of their own kind.
04:24Sorry, Chief, the line's busy.
04:26Tell me, Mr. Clampett, what do you like to do?
04:29Uh, what I mean is, what are your favorite pastimes?
04:32Well, I reckon, uh, hunting, fishing, whittling.
04:35Well, then, the Hollywood Bowl is exactly what you need.
04:40I don't quite follow what you mean.
04:41Well, let's take Whitland, for instance.
04:44You know there are 20,000 wooden benches in that place?
04:49And if you get tired of whittling, you just turn on the water, fill her up, throw in a few
04:54trout, and you've got the best doggone fishing hole you ever saw.
04:59What am I hunting?
05:01Why, in those hills surrounding the Hollywood Bowl, especially on Mulholland Drive, you'll find more wolves up there than you'll
05:09find in any place in this here country.
05:11What do you know about that?
05:13Ed, where are you?
05:15We're in here, Granny.
05:17Ed, can you get the top off of this?
05:19Oh, I didn't know we had company.
05:22Mr. Jones, this hair is, uh...
05:23Of course.
05:25Granny, I'd know that face anywhere.
05:27Mr. Jones is from back home in our part of the country.
05:30His family used to live beyond the ridge from us.
05:33Jones?
05:34Jones.
05:36I recollect a family of Joneses that lived beyond the ridge.
05:40That must have been...
05:41They was horse thieves.
05:43Uh, different Jones.
05:45Yeah, I reckon so.
05:47Yes, I remember Mother always used to say,
05:50we must be twice as good to make up for the bad Joneses.
05:55Mr. Jones here is wanting me to buy the Hollywood Bowl off of them.
05:59Hollywood Bowl?
06:00Hollywood Bowl?
06:02And this must be the young lady I've heard so much about.
06:05The lovely Ellie Mae.
06:09Me?
06:09One of the stories I've heard about you, my dear, don't do you justice.
06:13You have a much more mature beauty than I expected.
06:17Me?
06:18Why, you won't stay unmarried long in Beverly Hills, my dear?
06:22I'm surprised some handsome young movie star hasn't already claimed you for his very own.
06:27Me?
06:28Mr. Jones, shoot.
06:30I'm gonna tell him, Granny.
06:32Just let me take my time.
06:34Mr. Jones, this here is my cousin, Pearl Bodine.
06:38I'm charmed to make your acquaintance, my dear.
06:41Miss Bodine.
06:42Great message.
06:44But I'm a widow.
06:46Pearl, you seem to know about Hollywood Bowl.
06:49Oh, yeah, did.
06:50I heard about it.
06:51It's where they have all that open-hour music and singing.
06:55Pearl here is right gifted at singing and playing and yodeling.
06:58Oh, Jed, I ain't neither.
07:00You are so?
07:01No, I ain't.
07:02Why, you sure are.
07:04I ain't.
07:05Let her in, Jed.
07:07For once, she's right.
07:09Mr. Clampin, if I may, as owner of Hollywood Bowl, I've become an expert judge of musical talent.
07:16And I wonder if I might hear Mrs. Bodine perform.
07:20Well, I could, I could yodel for you.
07:23At least, Pearl.
07:29Yeah, there's no question about it.
07:36That voice belongs in the open air.
07:38A theater.
07:40Where 20,000 people can listen and enjoy it.
07:4420,000 people would pay to hear me?
07:47Why, my dear, they would fight for the privilege.
07:49How much you reckon they'd pay?
07:51Oh, I'd say at rock-bottom prices, at least $5 a head.
07:5520,000 at $5 a head?
07:57That's $100,000 for only one night.
08:00Jed, did you hear that?
08:02I sure did, Pearl.
08:04Mr. Jones, looks like you got yourself a deal.
08:07Your troubles is over.
08:09You mean it?
08:10Yes, sir.
08:11With a moneymaker like Pearl singing and yodeling for you,
08:14you won't have to sell your Hollywood Bowl.
08:16I won't.
08:29There you are, Mr. Jones.
08:34Thank you, my dear.
08:39Hello?
08:40This is...
08:50Did Mr. Jones call his lawyer yet?
08:52He's trying to get him out.
08:54Seems to have a little catch in his throat.
08:56Hey, Pearl told us the news, Granny.
08:58Ma's going to sing at Hollywood Bowl, huh?
09:00It ain't said for sure until he talks to his lawyer.
09:03But you've got to find a way to get out of those contracts.
09:06This woman is a tremendous talent.
09:10Well, he's the greatest yodeler since...
09:13Since Caruso.
09:15By George, I'm glad I'm selling the Hollywood Bowl.
09:19When a woman with the talent of Pearl Bodine
09:22can't play in my theater,
09:24then I'm through, you hear me?
09:25Through!
09:26I ain't going to sing in Hollywood Bowl, Mr. Jones.
09:29We're book solid, my dear,
09:31and I just got to honor those contracts.
09:36But if someone else was to buy the Hollywood Bowl,
09:39he could make new deals.
09:41He could put in anybody he wants.
09:44Jeff, it wouldn't do no harm
09:45to go look at the place, would it?
09:48Oh, I don't reckon there'd be no harm in that.
09:50Fine, I'll have my car sent around.
09:52No need to do that.
09:53Jethro can drive us all up.
09:56You got a car that'll hold all of us?
09:57Sure, bring it around, Jethro.
09:59Well, then, fine, George.
10:00Let's go.
10:10You know, Mr. Clampett,
10:11there aren't too many millionaires
10:13who drive around in cars like this.
10:15Actually, my cousin Pearl deserves the credit.
10:18This is her.
10:19Shucks, this old thing.
10:21I've been after my cousin Jed
10:23to get himself a fancy, shiny new limousine.
10:26Yeah, boy, I sure would like to drive around
10:28one of them rascals.
10:29Well, once your maw is performing
10:32in your uncle's Hollywood Bowl,
10:33she'll be able to buy you a new car every week.
10:36I dig it in, though.
10:38Mr. Jones says when I commence
10:40to singing and the yodeling there,
10:42why, 20,000 people will be pushing
10:45and crawling at the gates.
10:46Yeah, trying to get out.
10:49What'd she say?
10:50Oh, she said that.
10:51Hey, Mr. Jones, what's that up there?
10:53Well, that's the entrance to Hollywood Bowl.
10:55Just kind of make a left there, boy.
10:57Well, let's see.
10:59Right is the side where I carry my Buckeyes.
11:01So left is...
11:04Turn it, boy!
11:05Turn it!
11:13I'm going to throw in all these buildings
11:14as part of the deal.
11:16Won't cost you a cent.
11:18Now, you'll notice the trees
11:19are all in A1 condition.
11:21Solid wood, every one of them.
11:23And loaded with sap juice.
11:24This here is the famous traveling sidewalk.
11:27Takes you right up the hill
11:28with no effort on your part.
11:30Just stand still and ride.
11:32Gives you a beautiful view of Hollywood Bowls.
11:35Now, isn't this wonderful?
11:37Saves wear and tear on the two leather.
11:39And this is just one of the features
11:40of this wonderful investment you're making, Mr. Clampon.
11:43Come right along with old Honest Hank.
11:47Just like city folks,
11:49too darn lazy to even walk.
11:51Say, incidentally,
11:52if you folks buy this year bowl,
11:54I'm going to throw in that traveling sidewalk
11:55absolutely free of charge.
11:57Isn't he a nice man?
11:59Well, Mr. Jones,
12:00you sure have took nice care of this place.
12:03Well, thank you, Mr. Clampon.
12:04Something my mother taught me.
12:07Never sell anything that isn't perfect, son.
12:10Especially if you sell it to a friend.
12:13Where's all them seats you was talking about?
12:16Oh, they're over here.
12:17But I think the best way to see them
12:19is from the state.
12:19Why don't you all just follow me?
12:34Well, there are your 20,000 seats.
12:37Land of mercy.
12:38What do you think of that, Granny?
12:39Sure would hate to whitewash all them benches.
12:43Well, this will sure be a dandy place for young.
12:46Never seen nothing better.
12:48Jethro, you run up to them top seats
12:51way up beyond it
12:52and see, can you hear me when I cut loose?
12:54Okay, Ma.
12:56Now, he ain't going to jump off that stage here.
12:58There's a ten-foot drop and then water.
13:06Honest to me, Jethro.
13:11Hey, Ma, when you sing and yodel here,
13:14be careful about stepping off this here ledge.
13:16There's an awful deep puddle down there.
13:18Why can't you watch where you're going?
13:21Is he going to be all right?
13:23Yeah, that won't hurt Jethro none.
13:25His clothes will tighten up a little,
13:26but he'll dry out in no time.
13:28Well, Mr. Clampus,
13:30how do you like our bowl?
13:33Right nice, Mr. Jones.
13:35Yeah, by the way,
13:36I think it's time we dropped all these formalities.
13:39From here on in,
13:40why don't we just make it
13:41Jed and Henry?
13:43I thought you said your name was Harry.
13:45Harry, Harry, Herbert.
13:47Yeah, it is.
13:48Harry, Herbert, Harry.
13:50H. H. H. H. Jones.
13:51My mother used to say,
13:53those three H's stand for honesty,
13:56humility, and honor.
13:58Why don't you just call me
13:59what everybody else does?
14:01Honest Hank.
14:03It's a mighty dandy name, all right.
14:05One you can be proud of.
14:06Well, like I was starting to say,
14:08this is a mighty fine place here
14:10for whittling and yodeling,
14:11but I don't think it's any great shakes
14:13for hunting and fishing
14:14like you said it was.
14:15You know something, Jed?
14:17You're absolutely right.
14:18Just goes to prove
14:19how long I've been away from the hills.
14:21But I got another piece of property
14:23not too far from here.
14:25It's the greatest spot for hunting
14:26you ever saw.
14:27Full of animals.
14:28and I'm going to sell it to you
14:30dirt cheap.
14:31It's called Griffith Park.
14:33All right, yeah.
14:34Named after my dear old mother.
14:37That's a mighty pretty name
14:38for a woman, Griffith Park.
14:40I knew you.
14:41All right, Jed,
14:42why don't we take a run over there
14:43and have a look around?
14:44Well, that sounds like
14:45a mighty fine idea.
14:46Granny, Ellie Mae, Earl,
14:48we're all going over
14:49and looking at a piece of hunting property
14:50Mr. Jones has got.
14:52Hank.
14:53Honest Hank.
14:54Mrs. Earl looks like
14:55somebody's thrown a spell on her.
14:57Yeah, she acts like
14:58she's in some kind of a trench
15:00or something.
15:01Pearl?
15:02Pearl?
15:03Hank, Pearl?
15:05Pearl?
15:05Pearl?
15:07Pearl?
15:09Pearl?
15:10Pearl?
15:10Hank, Pearl?
15:11Pearl?
15:13Pearl?
15:15Pearl!
15:17Pearl!
15:19Pearl!
15:22Pearl?
15:24Pearl?
15:28Ah, oh, I was, I was daydreaming then.
15:33We saw going over to another place called Griffith Park.
15:36Does that mean you've decided against this one?
15:39No, I ain't decided nothing yet, Pearl.
15:40Come on, everybody, let's go.
16:04Now, watch out, Jasper, there's a lot of cars on this road.
16:07Hey, it's more automobiles than I've ever seen in all my barn days.
16:10Going so fast.
16:12Sure ain't good they go in the same lane.
16:15Yes, ma'am.
16:16Because if one of them rascals decides to turn around and head back,
16:19there's going to be an awful mess.
16:24Don't need you to worry about that, boy.
16:26The car's going the other way or using that road over there.
16:30Where's all these folks going in such a hurry?
16:32Well, the ones using this road are going to Los Angeles.
16:36And the ones on that other road are coming back.
16:38If they just slow down, I might.
16:40The ones coming back could shout over to the ones going what they've seen,
16:44and then maybe some of them wouldn't have to go.
16:48Yeah, yeah, that's a good thought.
16:51Say, Ellie, pay.
16:54Hey, your daddy tells me you like animals.
16:57Sure do, Mr. Jones.
16:59I ain't never met one yet I couldn't make friends with.
17:02She's got a way with critters and is plum amazing.
17:04I like that.
17:05I like that a lot.
17:07You know, I'll tell you folks what I'm going to do.
17:10Ellie Mae, if your papa buys Griffith Park,
17:13I'm going to throw in at no extra cost, mind you,
17:15my entire collection of fabulous animals from all over the world.
17:20I call it the Griffith Park Zoo.
17:24Ain't that fun?
17:26Quite a big hug with it, Mr. Jones.
17:28Uh, I...
17:29Honest hang.
17:43Ain't this beautiful, just like black holes.
17:47Ain't smelt piney woods like that since we left town.
17:50Uncle Jed, you just got to buy this,
17:53or we can build us a cabin in here and come hunting all the time.
17:56You ain't going to shoot at the critters, are you?
17:58When you go hunting, Ellie, you got to have something to shoot at.
18:01You leave my critters, please.
18:03Ellie Mae, turn him loose.
18:07Oh, if he hurts out of one of my critters,
18:09I'll hit him on the jowl so hard he'll be able to look down his back
18:12and without even turning his head.
18:14No, Ellie Mae, ain't nobody.
18:17Nobody.
18:17Or they're critters.
18:19Besides, they ain't ours yet.
18:21We ain't bought the place.
18:25How much are you asking for this here Griffith Park, Mr. Jones?
18:28Hank, Pearl.
18:30Call me Hank.
18:31All right, Hank.
18:33Never mind, old man, Randy.
18:36Pearl, that's a sure trick of a crooked horse trader
18:39so you won't look too close at the horse
18:41or listen too close to the price.
18:46How much you all want for this here Griffith Park, Hank, honey?
19:00Not a sign of anybody inside the house.
19:02Nor outside.
19:04Oh, well, we're probably worried about nothing.
19:06I know the odds are a thousand to one
19:08against this confidence man singling out the clavets
19:10and even greater against them falling for it.
19:12You know, Chief, according to the circular,
19:14one of his favorite schemes is selling Hollywood balls.
19:16Ah, isn't that a wild one?
19:18Can you imagine anyone ignorant enough to actually...
19:22Hollywood balls?
19:23Yes.
19:31Well, Jed, you old hound dog,
19:33what do you think of my collection of critters?
19:34I ain't never seen nothing like it in all my born days.
19:37Granny, how about that?
19:38If that don't beat all,
19:40a jackass with stripes.
19:44Granny, you ain't seen nothing yet
19:45to even letting bobcats with stripes.
19:47But them rascals is so high
19:49and as long as you hear that post.
19:51Yeah, they what they call tigers.
19:53Lost me a heap of money,
19:54bring them all away from India.
19:55Mr. Jones, you ought to be ashamed.
19:57Putting all them critters in cages and pens.
20:00Don't you know critters like to be turned loose?
20:02Now, you simmer down, Ellie.
20:04The only reason I put them in pens and cages
20:07is so your pa could look them over,
20:09see what he's buying.
20:10I didn't want to have to have them go
20:12trachin' all through the brush.
20:14Nice to meet it, Ellie May.
20:15Well, I reckon.
20:16But turn them loose quick as you can.
20:18Yeah, I will, I will, Ellie.
20:21That's a wonderful girl you got there.
20:23As a matter of fact,
20:24you got a wonderful family.
20:25My kind of people,
20:26his mother would say.
20:28Anybody seen Jedrow?
20:30Jedrow?
20:31It's awful hard to keep track of him
20:33amongst all these animals.
20:36I didn't mean that the way it sounded.
20:38of course, Jedrow's a good-looking boy.
20:41Well, why shouldn't he be?
20:43His mother's so beautiful.
20:47Well, I'll be doggone.
20:49Ain't he funny-looking little fellas?
20:53Yeah, I don't blame you for staring.
20:56I told him I looked funny in a necktie.
21:00That wild daughter of yours
21:02are jokin' with them bars.
21:04I seen her.
21:04She's in there with them big mirements
21:06comin' on quick.
21:08I sure have been a hanker
21:10to meet up with you fellas.
21:12Pa says when his pa was a boy,
21:14there's lots of you fellas
21:16in the hills back home.
21:17But by the time I come along,
21:19you'd all gone away.
21:21I sure do like you.
21:23You're so nice and soft and furry.
21:25You're friendly, too.
21:28If my pa buys this here Griffith Park,
21:30I'll take you home with me.
21:32There's a heap more room there
21:34to roam around than you got here.
21:36There's some nice big trees
21:37for you and me to climb.
21:47I can't look.
21:49One hug from those powerful arms
21:51could kill you.
21:52Don't squeeze too hard, Ellie Mae.
21:54Mr. Jones is worried
21:56you might hurt his bear.
21:58I can't wait, Carl.
22:09Get up the road,
22:10you crazy young knight.
22:11Get that pile of junk
22:13off the freeway.
22:15Can you believe it?
22:16I wish I'd have broke my shotgun.
22:17They wouldn't talk back
22:18to us that way.
22:20This road sure ain't very polite.
22:22Face down right.
22:23We ain't a hulking
22:24and a yelling like that.
22:25Well, they ought to be taught
22:27to drive with what you call courtesy.
22:29That means good manners.
22:30You got a wonderful idea
22:32there, young fella.
22:33And your Uncle Jed
22:34is just a man who can do it.
22:35Me?
22:36Yeah.
22:37Well, if you owned this road,
22:39people would have to drive
22:40like you say.
22:41Is it for sale?
22:43Well, it wasn't,
22:45but I've decided
22:47to make you a package of these.
22:48I'm going to sell you
22:50Griffith Park,
22:51the Hollywood Bowl,
22:52and the freeway
22:54that connects them.
22:56I'll tell you what,
22:57you come on home
22:58for supper with us
22:59and we talk it out.
23:00Gethro,
23:01you stop at the Hollywood Bowl.
23:03I want to take another look
23:04at where I'm going to be
23:05performing.
23:06Okay, Bob.
23:18Jed,
23:20you and Mr. Jones
23:21go on inside
23:22and talk out your business.
23:24Gethro and Ellie Mae and me
23:25will be back directly.
23:27Where are you going, Danny?
23:28I'll tell you later.
23:29Gethro,
23:29drive around the back.
23:30We've got a few things
23:31to pick up.
23:37Wonderful little woman.
23:40Reminds me for all the world
23:41of my sweet little
23:42gentle gray-haired old mother.
23:52You heard me.
23:53I said if I let you
23:54use our freeway
23:55do you promise to drive with...
23:57What is it again, gentlemen?
23:59Courtesy.
24:00Yes.
24:01That means being polite
24:02to other folks driving
24:03and not speeding
24:04or honking
24:05or yelling at them.
24:09We're cutting in
24:10and out of lanes.
24:11Over at school,
24:12they told us
24:12that causes accidents.
24:14Well, speak up.
24:15Do you promise?
24:16Yes, ma'am.
24:17All right.
24:18Get back in your car
24:18and pass through.
24:21Next.
24:30Mr. Clavitt,
24:31I hope we're not too late.
24:32We'd have been here sooner,
24:33but we had to avoid the freeway.
24:35There's an unbelievable
24:35jammer.
24:37That Mr. Jones
24:38is a crook.
24:39I hope you didn't
24:39give him no money.
24:41Ah, Pearl,
24:42I didn't give him no money.
24:44Now, where is he?
24:45Inside.
24:46And you know something?
24:47He ain't no mountain man.
24:49He can't hold
24:49his liquor worth shucks.
24:52Mr. Clavitt,
24:54how would you like
24:55to buy a city
24:56of San Francisco?
24:59You see what I mean?
25:00And he didn't have
25:00no more than half a jug.
25:22Well, now it's time to say goodbye
25:24to Jed and all his kin.
25:26They would like to thank you folks
25:28for kindly dropping in.
25:29They're all invited back
25:31next week
25:31to this locality
25:33to have a heaping helping
25:35of their hospitality.
25:37Hillbilly, that is.
25:39Set a spell.
25:40Take your shoes off.
25:42You all come back now.
25:43Hear?
25:43Get out of here.
25:44You all come back now.
25:45Get out.
25:46You all come back now.
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