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00:00Tonight!
00:01Dating and masturbating.
00:02Brand new celebrity.
00:04I feel like I'm good looking and not to lie.
00:06PK Humble arrives.
00:08Shall I add to my dating roster?
00:09How many people are on this roster?
00:11Probably like 20 plus.
00:12So why the hell do you need our help?
00:14As our celebs?
00:16Ball bag.
00:16Ball bag.
00:17Ball bag.
00:18Go!
00:19I can pick up a singular new job.
00:21And then he went with my sister.
00:24What?
00:25Dating!
00:26If I saw you at the bar, I'd buy you a champagne.
00:28I'll say they'll all help in.
00:38Welcome to Celebs Go Dating and we are back baby!
00:43From the romantic mini break in Tenerife.
00:46It's a new day in the agency.
00:48Paul's missed his flight.
00:49So getting right down to business are Dr T, Adubs and Tom.
00:53We brought Sun back from the Tenerife.
00:56You brought a little trash of Tenerife with you.
00:57I once brought a little tranch of Tenerife back with me.
01:00Luckily, a quick course of penicillin and my wee wee went back to normal.
01:03We really missed you though.
01:05Oh, I missed you.
01:06Didn't we?
01:07We really missed you.
01:08I missed you.
01:09And also, lots of things went down.
01:11Oh, look at his little innuendo loving ears prick up.
01:14In Tenerife.
01:15And some of the dates were really successful.
01:17Others, not quite as successful.
01:19So we've definitely got a little bit of mopping up to do in the agency.
01:23Yep.
01:23God knows what Tom's been up to whilst you lot are away.
01:26We are on Mr B List today.
01:27So it's going to be jolly hard work.
01:29Because we've got a brand new arrival.
01:32That's right.
01:33We've been so excited about this.
01:34The delicious PK.
01:37Ooh.
01:37Ooh.
01:39I'm such a fan of his.
01:40Yeah, he's a bit of a cheeky chappy, isn't he?
01:42He is a hugely cheeky chappy.
01:49And here's the man himself.
01:51Give me a P, give me a K.
01:53Er, that's all because it's baller league slash social media ledge slash new celeb signing
01:58PK Humble.
02:00King of the agency?
02:02Why did Tom give himself a promotion while everyone was away?
02:05Hello, celebrity dating agency.
02:07It's PK.
02:08Fun fact, the P is for Percy.
02:10Oh, at last.
02:12K.
02:13No idea.
02:14M.
02:15Pass.
02:16My left stroke just went viral.
02:23I'm PK Humble the first.
02:25I'm the last.
02:26I'm known as a content creator, streamer, footballer, YouTuber.
02:32The whole package.
02:33Something tells me he could come with a whole lot of bagage.
02:36Mmm.
02:37That's my favourite drink.
02:39Look at the way you smile.
02:41You're going to stop.
02:42No.
02:47I describe myself as fun, outgoing, and of course a bit of a ladies man.
02:54So PK Humble likes a PK fumble.
02:58Mmm.
02:58Delicious.
02:59My emotional IQ is probably like Robert Einstein.
03:03I'm assuming he's related to Albert Einstein.
03:06I've been single for about a year now.
03:08I've joined the agency to find love.
03:11Real love.
03:12I'm clearly not doing a good job.
03:15It's going to be an experience.
03:16The agents, I feel sorry for them.
03:18So do I.
03:21Godspeed.
03:22Oh.
03:22Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.
03:24Welcome, PK.
03:25What's going on, bro?
03:27Oh, it's lovely to meet you.
03:30Nice to meet you too, man.
03:32Golly gee, you're handsome.
03:34I always love a late arrival at the agency, like a warm zephyr wafting through the doors.
03:39Though in PK's case, it's more a handsome hurricane.
03:42Let's hope he doesn't blow you away.
03:44Make yourself very comfortable.
03:45This is nice, you know.
03:46It's nice.
03:47Isn't it nice?
03:48Amazing.
03:48I think I've made a sartorial mistake though.
03:50I think I look like a bobbing head today.
03:52No, I think you look great.
03:54But you're blending in, camouflaging.
03:56Camouflaging.
03:57So what vintage are you, may I ask?
04:00I know it's a rude question.
04:01No, it's not rude at all.
04:02It's my birthday this year.
04:05Oh, mate-o.
04:07This year.
04:08February the 13th.
04:10But if I meet someone...
04:11The day before Valentine's.
04:13But if I meet someone I like, I tell them February the 14th.
04:17Oh.
04:17It adds a little je ne sais quoi.
04:19Does it?
04:20I'm just a lover boy at heart.
04:22Oh, I say, you're Aphrodite's son.
04:25I compare myself to Zeus though.
04:27The king of the gods.
04:29Yeah, I'm about to shake the place off.
04:31I'm going to have to keep an eye on you.
04:32I think you should.
04:34Actually no, I'm behaving myself.
04:36You're not.
04:37I'm behaving myself.
04:38You've got a carapace of naughtiness, but beneath it is molten honey.
04:42Just sweet.
04:43Just sweet.
04:44And warm.
04:45Well, he can't be that warm because he's still got his coat on.
04:48Probably from PK Maxx.
04:49You've got it all.
04:51You've got it for me.
04:54You've got it for me.
04:54Next on the scene is Professor Green.
04:57You've got it all.
04:57Yet that rhymes.
04:58You're not the only one that can spit bars round here, Greeny.
05:00You've got it for me.
05:01Hello, celebrity dating agency.
05:03Hello, Stephen.
05:05Hello, hello.
05:16Oh, love.
05:17Yo.
05:19What's happening?
05:20Hello, darling.
05:23Hello, King of the agency.
05:25Good to see you.
05:26What's going on, bro?
05:27Oh, some huge puffer jacket cuddles going on here today.
05:31What are you doing here?
05:32I've just gone for a coffee.
05:33Yeah, just chuck your coat on the floor, mate.
05:35More bit of dating advice, no?
05:37Nah.
05:38I think I know everything.
05:39You've got that on lock.
05:40OK, that's a dangerous place to be.
05:42Yeah.
05:42You've met before.
05:43Nothing gets past you, does it, Tom?
05:45Yeah.
05:46We've met each other.
05:46We haven't met before.
05:47Oh, tell me.
05:49Stars League football.
05:50And I was playing against his team and I think I scored like 10 goals against him.
05:54Something like that, yeah.
05:55I wasn't playing myself.
05:56Did he win?
05:57Of course I did.
05:58I'm a winner.
05:58I'm not sure that was the outcome.
06:01What?
06:02We might have to find the tapes.
06:03The receipts.
06:04It's all right.
06:05We don't need the receipts.
06:07Absolutely no one cares.
06:11Upstairs, our two dating experts are painstakingly preparing for their first consultation.
06:16Ready to bring their incredible insight and professionalism.
06:19I haven't bleached my arse off.
06:21I didn't laser it.
06:22I don't have any hair.
06:22I've lasered my bum hole as well.
06:24So much better.
06:25You do not want any of those little chug nuts.
06:28Mine's still full bush down there, but I have bleached it.
06:30I say bleached.
06:31Squirted some Domestos around the rim.
06:33Ziggy.
06:36Hello.
06:37Hi, Tom.
06:38We're ready for PK.
06:39All right, darling.
06:40Bye.
06:41It's your time.
06:43Calm down, Tom.
06:44He's not off to Dignitas.
06:45Oh, man.
06:46Come to me, Ben to me.
06:48Hey.
06:49No.
06:50Hey, boy.
06:52Take care of yourself.
06:53I shall.
06:53My bro.
06:54Good luck, my bro.
06:55Good to see you.
06:56Good to see you.
06:57Oh, I like meeting you people.
06:59Yeah.
06:59Fresh meeting to the agency.
07:03Come on in.
07:04Timid not.
07:07Hello, hello, hello.
07:08Hello.
07:09PK.
07:10Yes, indeed.
07:11Hi.
07:12Very nice to meet you.
07:13Nice to meet you.
07:14Relax.
07:15Chill.
07:15This is home from home.
07:17Get comfy.
07:18Get comfy.
07:18Welcome to the celebrity dating agency.
07:21Am I going to get interrogated?
07:23Yeah, but just tell him you've had the old arse laser and you'll fit writing.
07:26Why are you here at the agency?
07:28Very bummer with no girlfriend.
07:30Part of me is like, you know what?
07:32Shall I add to my roster?
07:34Beg pardon?
07:35Sorry, sorry, sorry.
07:36What do you mean by that?
07:36Add to your roster?
07:37Yeah, dating roster.
07:39You have a roster going.
07:40Everyone's got a roster.
07:41How many people are on this roster?
07:44Um, probably like 20 plus.
07:4720 plus?
07:50You're chatting to 20 plus girls?
07:52Not everyone gets spoken to.
07:53Yeah, sounds like my roster.
07:55And by roster, I mean marriage.
07:57And everyone understands that this is casual?
08:00No, nothing's a secret.
08:01I don't feel like I need to lie.
08:03I feel like God's given me enough, like physically, that I don't need to lie to girls.
08:08Womanising and blasphemy.
08:10This is going well.
08:11God has given me enough physically.
08:14Yeah.
08:14What does that mean?
08:15I feel like I'm good looking enough not to lie.
08:17Good looking enough not to lie.
08:19And my personality.
08:20I feel like it has a little bit of like sweet chili to my, like, so I don't need to
08:24lie.
08:25So you're saying you're attractive and have mad riz.
08:30Crazy riz.
08:31Humble by name, humble by nature.
08:33Hashtag sarcasm.
08:35I drive a limousine.
08:36So like everyone can fit in.
08:38Yeah, I do the same in my roster.
08:40I drive the girls crazy.
08:41Is it?
08:42I'll get my limousine.
08:44Yep.
08:44Tell everyone from my roster to meet me in one place and they all get in the limousine
08:48and we all go out for dinner.
08:49You and how many women?
08:52Ten.
08:53I bet that's a lively WhatsApp group.
08:56You've got a roster of ladies.
08:57So why the hell do you need our help?
08:59I'd rather cuddle up with the love of my life.
09:01Oh, okay.
09:03Because if I find someone that I like truly want, my roster will go.
09:07Oh.
09:09Oh, so there is some hope.
09:10Okay, you're looking for commitment, yeah?
09:12I'm not looking, but if it comes I'll take it.
09:14I believe it should come to me.
09:17I don't feel like I should go searching for it.
09:19He does know he's joined a dating agency, doesn't he?
09:22I don't think he does.
09:23Hmm.
09:24Wow.
09:35Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
09:37where the agents are finding out just how much work they've got to do with their roster-loving new arrival,
09:43PK Humble.
09:45Have you ever been in love?
09:47Yeah, I feel like I've been in love before.
09:49But it went past me quickly.
09:51I was a cheater.
09:55How many times have you cheated on your ex-girlfriend?
09:59Probably like 30 times.
10:01It would have been 31, but his dick fell off.
10:04In all the years of celebrity dating agency, we have never seen this level of disrespect for the people he
10:11dates, like PK.
10:12We have a lot of work to do.
10:14I don't cheat on purpose.
10:15Every time I've cheated, it's an accident.
10:18Whoa, whoa, whoa.
10:18What do you mean by accident?
10:20Come on, PK.
10:21It just happens.
10:2230 times?
10:23Yeah.
10:24Let me tell you.
10:25Once is an accident.
10:2630 times, my friends...
10:28Twice, maybe?
10:28Yeah, it's not an accident.
10:2930 times is definitely a pattern.
10:31I liked the person I was with a lot.
10:34But girls were fooling at me, and I didn't have the self-control.
10:38I think she's only finding out right now about the 30.
10:41Surprise!
10:43Do you think that's respectful?
10:45It's not respectful, but it's not disrespectful.
10:48It is disrespectful to cheat on anyone.
10:50If you're in a committed relationship, it is disrespectful.
10:52100%.
10:53It is disrespectful.
10:54You present as though you're a prize for people to win.
10:58And I haven't heard once of what you can offer.
11:02Yeah, what do you bring to the table?
11:03Ten of his roster girls, apparently.
11:05I feel like there's a part of me that you've got to make me want to unlock.
11:08So let's say we get the right key.
11:10What would we find?
11:1230 used Johnnies.
11:13You would find someone that's ready to give, like, their partner everything.
11:18Emotional support, physical support, like a proper support system, a proper caring person.
11:25That was beautiful.
11:26You know, you want to be that person's support system.
11:28You were finally saying a few things.
11:30I was going green flag, green flag.
11:32But you might look good.
11:34You might be witty, funny, got a great job and drive a limousine.
11:37But if you haven't got the emotional maturity and all of the other factors in it,
11:42you ain't going to see shit.
11:43Go on, Anna!
11:44If you're open-minded towards what we have to offer here,
11:48you'll come out of this process a better man.
11:51I feel like this is going to be good.
11:53OK, well, we do have a date for you.
11:55You are going to be going on a date with Inez.
11:59Is she beautiful?
12:00Is she looking for something serious?
12:02I think the real question is, are you?
12:04This is all for you to find out.
12:06Just please be real and be respectful on the date.
12:08No fuckboy game.
12:09I don't think I'm a fuckboy.
12:11The picture on the dictionary of fuckboy is your picture.
12:15Nah, I think that's harsh.
12:17It was a bit harsh from an actual doctor.
12:19VK, genuinely, thank you.
12:20Thank you very much.
12:22You are definitely a spicy minx.
12:24Class dismissed.
12:25Class dismissed.
12:26Thank you very much.
12:28Have fun.
12:28Be a good boy.
12:30I won't let you look down.
12:31I'll take that bet.
12:32Bye.
12:34He's literally the worst date.
12:38I mean, 20 plus girls on his roster.
12:42Are you serious?
12:43We've got our work cut out.
12:44So much work.
12:46Yep, finding someone he hasn't already banged will be the biggest challenge.
12:51Someone else putting in the work is David.
12:53Oh, God, it's one of them sheet mask things.
12:56Always freak me out.
12:57He's prepping for his second date with Fan.
12:59Who he met out in Tenerife when Fan made a splash and caught his eye.
13:04You look sexy, baby.
13:06And David wasn't sure of options on who to date again.
13:10If you would love to date David again, please stand up.
13:16But it was Funtime Fan who got David's juices flowing.
13:21I am excited to see Fan again, but I just don't know if there's a spark.
13:25I'm excited to find that out because I have been thinking about him
13:28in between my very intense, very expensive skincare routine.
13:36This was literally like a sheet mask for like £1.99,
13:39so it's probably going to give me hives.
13:41I have thrown myself out there so much more than I normally would.
13:45Like the fact that I led the kissing scenario,
13:50kiss gay, snog gay, I led that.
13:53That for me, I feel like I don't need to do anything else now.
13:58Well, technically you will need to because we're not even halfway through the process yet.
14:06On the other side of town is Professor Green's turn to see the agent.
14:10Puffer jacket off, jumper on.
14:12Oh, come in.
14:13Come on in.
14:15Hello.
14:16Cardigan. Shit.
14:18And we match.
14:22Back from the tenors.
14:23Yeah, back from tennery.
14:25Oh, he wasn't on board with the tenors, Anna.
14:27Too much time in the lab.
14:29You look tan.
14:30No way.
14:31Mwah.
14:32You did get a tan, actually.
14:34As well as catching the lightest tan I've ever seen,
14:37the prof slid into his waterpark date with Clara and made waves with his chat.
14:41I don't mean, I wouldn't normally get naked until, you know, quite a few dates along,
14:45but today I made an exception.
14:47Great way to test the waters.
14:48There's a dad joke for you.
14:49There you go.
14:50Keep dropping them, that's fine.
14:51Yeah, sweet.
14:51Meaning she was willing to dive into another meet-up.
14:54I mean, you went on the waterpark date.
14:57How was that for you?
14:57The conversation was really easy with Clara, and I don't know if that thing is there,
15:02but I'm going to have to see someone more than once to work out if that thing can happen over
15:06time.
15:06We're going to see each other again.
15:08You are.
15:08But she's actually on a quick holly bops at the moment.
15:13I learn, I learn.
15:14She's on a quick holiday, so.
15:16Yeah, just say holiday.
15:18You clearly had a connection.
15:19You're definitely going to see Clara again.
15:21But.
15:21But.
15:22There's no but, there's an and.
15:23Because.
15:24I like that, that's good reframe.
15:25You know I love a reframe.
15:26You love a reframe.
15:28You love a reframe.
15:29No, and we would love to keep you on this excellent trajectory.
15:32So you're going to film my diary.
15:34We are.
15:35We would love it if you would go on another meetup.
15:40Yeah.
15:40Look, can we all just reframe that?
15:42Back to date now, please.
15:43With a very nice lady.
15:45OK.
15:46So this is Fiona.
15:47She's a funeral arranger from Glasgow.
15:50Funeral arranger?
15:51Why is she an assassin?
15:52Have you ever met a funeral arranger before?
15:54If you had, you wouldn't be hearing about it.
15:56Fucking dead boy.
15:57I'm so, I'm well up for this.
15:59There will be interesting conversations.
16:01My ask from you is to get in as many puns as you possibly can
16:05into this date around death and funeral.
16:10Or how about you sort out his love life and leave the puns to me, alright?
16:13Maybe she'll give him a stiffy.
16:15Hammer off.
16:16Let's keep it complete British dark humour all the way.
16:21Sorry, I keep coughing.
16:22Me too, I've got one, it's fine.
16:23No, coughing.
16:23Yeah.
16:24Oh!
16:25Oh my God.
16:26You are really witty.
16:28Like I said, I'll do the gags, yeah?
16:30Well, we're very excited to see how this date goes.
16:33Yeah.
16:34More than excited.
16:36OK.
16:37See you later.
16:38See you later.
16:39Can you think of a lasting colour?
16:41Give us a parting pun, please.
16:42Both of you are drop dead gorgeous.
16:43Hey!
16:46Killed it.
16:50And hoping that her love life might feature a few more resurrections, here comes our Queen
16:57Colleen for her debrief on everything that went down in Serna's.
17:02Hello, Celebrity Date.
17:04Hi, it's Polly.
17:05Come in.
17:06Back to the kitchen.
17:09Gonna give you the thrill of a lifetime.
17:13Lacta.
17:14Lacta.
17:14I'm here on the side.
17:16Oh, look at you.
17:19Oh, butterscotch.
17:21Her name's Colleen.
17:23Welcome home.
17:25I love this ballet cashmere.
17:27Ballet.
17:27I knew you'd say that.
17:28Oh, Darcy.
17:30No, I just told you, it's Colleen.
17:32You look like Katharine Hepburn.
17:34She's Colleen!
17:37Are you floating on a wave of romance?
17:39Or more bonding with your chums?
17:44I'm very much bonding with my chums.
17:47Oh, she did a fair amount of bonding all right, if you know what I mean.
17:51Hi.
17:52How did you leave?
17:52I'm in the mood.
17:54We've had the best time.
17:56To the point where sometimes when you were going out on a date, you didn't want to go
17:59because you were like, I want to stay here and have a...
18:01I think you've missed the point, Colleen.
18:03Or found the point.
18:06Cabinet across the capital is Professor Stephen with a PH, who's got his lucky Denning date
18:11shirt on, ready to meet funeral arranger Fiona.
18:15I'm still struggling with the same part of this process that I was in the beginning, which
18:19is...
18:21I'm not making the decisions.
18:24I'm not walking up to someone saying hello, swapping numbers and arranging to see people.
18:29They're being chosen for me.
18:30And that still leaves me feeling like there is ground missing beneath my feet.
18:34A bit like stumbling into a freshly dug grave, I'd imagine.
18:41Meanwhile, back at the agency, A-Dubs and Dr Tara are figuring out how they're going to
18:45give Colleen a new lease of love life.
18:48Colleen really loved Tenerife and then at the end, the selection.
18:52Yeah, I think that the concern we have is that the Colleen we get in today is back at square
18:56one.
18:57Let's hope not.
18:57Well, you're about to find out because she's on her way upstairs now.
19:01We have recognised her patterns of having low self-worth.
19:05Yeah, we need to get to the root cause of that.
19:07Yeah, for sure.
19:09Oh, come on in.
19:11Hello.
19:14Colleen had a turbulent time in tennis.
19:16One minute she's floating about on cloud nine after that cheeky little kiss with sexy Steve.
19:22And next, bang!
19:23Back down to earth quicker than Orion Air landed.
19:26Steve and Andy, if you would like to continue to see Colleen, please stand up now.
19:37Oh God, ground, please swallow me up.
19:39We've been most excited about seeing you.
19:41Oh, thank you.
19:43Lots been going on.
19:44Loads been going on, yeah.
19:45Well, I mean, Tenerife, obviously.
19:47It was wild.
19:48You seemed to really enjoy it.
19:50I loved every single minute of it.
19:52Really?
19:53Don't get me wrong, it was quite mortifying for neither of them to pick me.
19:58Yeah, that makes more sense.
19:59Well, it was like, oh, I was ready to fight.
20:02We were going to fight.
20:04I saw it.
20:05I thought, come on, girl.
20:05It's quite unusual for us, actually, to get...
20:07Yeah, we were pretty pissed.
20:09That was more to do with the duty-free Malibu, to be fair.
20:12We were very much, hey, you don't do that to Apollo.
20:14Well, I also think it was just a bit shocking.
20:16It was.
20:17Very shocking.
20:17And then, of course, you think, oh, that's mortifying.
20:21Yeah.
20:21Yeah.
20:22But that's just an ego thing.
20:25But that's fair.
20:25Really.
20:26Because inside, then, I thought, I'm so glad because I don't have to make the decision.
20:32They've made it.
20:33And I would rather them do it to me than me do it to them.
20:36So it sounds like you feel more comfortable being rejected...
20:38Yes.
20:39...than you having to make that decision to reject somebody else.
20:42There's learnings from all of these experiences.
20:45Yes.
20:45What would you say you take moving forward in this process?
20:48I'm not in this to go on with a friend.
20:50Oh, that's amazing, Colleen.
20:51Can I just...
20:52Oh!
20:53Oh, Dr T's got her castanets out again.
20:56Blimey, what's Hannah playing?
20:57It's okay to be transparent and to think about me.
21:01Yes, Colleen.
21:02Agents, good work.
21:03But I have kind of thought they won't find anyone for me.
21:08Oh, scrap that.
21:09Looks like you went early on the castanets.
21:14On a more positive note, Prof Green is about to meet Fiona, the funeral arranger.
21:19So if the date dies on its arse, at least she's professionally prepared.
21:23I'm feeling really good about the date today.
21:25I haven't dated for quite a while, so I guess I'm really, really...
21:28I'm buzzing.
21:30Day of the Dead theme on Poina.
21:34Hiya.
21:35Hi.
21:36How are you?
21:36Nice to meet you.
21:37Nice to meet you.
21:38It's lovely to meet you.
21:39How are you?
21:40I am fine, thank you.
21:43This is very nice in here.
21:46Quirky.
21:47Yes.
21:48You don't get places like this in Glasgow, I must say.
21:51Really?
21:51I first went to Glasgow when I was 20 or 21 in East Kilbride.
21:55So it's a stone's throw.
21:57You're going to tell me that's where you live.
21:58I live in East Kilbride.
21:58No way.
21:59No way.
22:00What a small world.
22:02Indeed.
22:02God, it's so hard not to make bad jokes.
22:04I've been dying to ask you about your profession.
22:08There's one.
22:09Do you know what I do?
22:10Kill people or something?
22:12Funeral planning?
22:13Funeral arranging.
22:14Right.
22:14I do.
22:15I look after the families in the worst time of their life.
22:18OK, I'm beginning to think she does actually arrange funerals.
22:22I do.
22:22I love it.
22:23I love it so much.
22:25Are there any...
22:25God, I've got so many questions.
22:27So many questions to the music that people select.
22:30Yeah.
22:30Are there any standout songs?
22:31Leave it out, mate.
22:32Even the dead don't want to listen to your stuff.
22:34Yeah.
22:35Frank Sinatra, he always makes an appearance.
22:37I thought he was dead.
22:39What would be your funeral song?
22:41For me, Uptown Funk.
22:42I don't know.
22:42I have no idea.
22:44Music's a big thing to me.
22:45Yeah.
22:45There's too many.
22:46I would just need a full day service to play every song that I would ever want to have.
22:50Do you find yourself thinking about, I guess, your funeral?
22:55Absolutely, yeah, I'm a morbid curiosity that takes over constantly.
22:59Really?
22:59So it hasn't eased that?
23:00It hasn't made it any easier?
23:02No.
23:03Do you think it's made it worse?
23:05Yeah.
23:06Because you see the reality of it right in front of you and I'm like...
23:09Right, we're a couple of minutes in and the prof is asking his date if she's arranged her own funeral.
23:14How's he going to dig himself out of this one?
23:28Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating, where we left Pro Green asking funeral planner Fiona about her own send off.
23:35Hopefully there's some more cheery chat in the wake of his earlier efforts.
23:39What's some Scottish slang?
23:40Scottish slang?
23:41Yeah.
23:42Or...
23:42Ball bag.
23:43Ball bag?
23:44Ball bag.
23:45Ball bag.
23:46Ball bag.
23:47A huge term of endearment.
23:48Yeah.
23:49That's your good Scottish slang.
23:50I get that from growing up in East London where the C word is a term of endearment.
23:54Oh, yeah, good.
23:56Yeah.
23:56Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:57I love you, yeah.
23:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:59It's a term of endearment.
24:00Too right, you lovable .
24:02So tell me, how has your state journey been thus far?
24:05Oh, my gosh.
24:07Yeah, sitting down in front of someone that you've never met, it's been fine.
24:11There hasn't really been too many awkward silences.
24:14Good.
24:14That's a relief to hear, because there's nothing worse than an awkward silence.
24:18We're due one now, aren't we?
24:28No, I can't even pretend.
24:30I won.
24:32You did win.
24:33I was never going to win that one.
24:34But good, I'm glad it's been fine.
24:35I felt it slipping, actually.
24:36If you'd have held on for a bit longer, that would have been your point.
24:38Well, it looks like this date has come to life.
24:40Maybe she'll let him undertake her home later.
24:44Over at Heartbreak HQ, Colleen is doubting the ability of the agents to find her love.
24:49But don't worry, they've had plenty of time to turn things round.
24:53I don't even know if I'll ever meet anyone now.
24:56Okay, maybe not.
24:58But that might be self-fulfilling prophecy.
25:01Exactly.
25:01I can really sense that Colleen's confidence has really taken a knock.
25:04She is retreating.
25:06It is time to do a deep dive.
25:08Colleen absolutely carries low self-worth, and I want to find out why.
25:12Something has happened to have led to this pattern of inner self-critic,
25:19to being the one that takes the brunt of rejection.
25:23And we'd love to know where that comes from.
25:28Well, relationship-wise, I think it's because I've always been cheated on.
25:35Always?
25:36Well, my very first relationship, he cheated on me.
25:41You know, then I met the next guy, was with him for two years,
25:46and then he went with my sister.
25:49What?
25:51Yeah.
25:53For two years.
25:55This is a proper committed relationship?
25:57We lived together, yeah.
25:59We lived together for two years, and he ended up sleeping with your sister.
26:05I feel bad because it's one of my sisters that passed away.
26:08Were you able to speak to your sister about this?
26:12No.
26:13So...
26:14You never had a conversation that your sister was basically cheating?
26:17No, not for 20 years after it had happened.
26:21Wow.
26:21You didn't talk about it for 20 years.
26:26No.
26:27And everyone was like, how can you be so calm about that?
26:31And I said, well, I'm not going to lose my sister over him,
26:34because he's not worth it.
26:35Even if it was 20 years ago, 30 years ago, 40 years ago, it doesn't matter.
26:42Because unless you have consciously worked on that,
26:46you're still the same person that did not stand up for herself
26:52back when someone disrespected her.
26:55I think that's why it was so hard on the last day when neither of them stood up.
27:00I thought, what do I do now?
27:04Dating and masturbating.
27:06Oh, no, I've done that.
27:08When she's in the mood, I'm around.
27:10Well, the good thing is, ladies, that you're teaching me so much about myself.
27:14Well, genuinely, I've gone home and gone, oh, my God, that's so right.
27:17And I need to change that.
27:19And reframe your time so far in the agency has been good.
27:23So good.
27:24Right?
27:25It's been really positive.
27:26Yeah, it has.
27:26Because everyone's feedback for you is amazing.
27:28It's just you guys weren't compatible.
27:30Yeah.
27:30Genuinely, no bullshit.
27:31You're doing brilliantly.
27:33From the Colleen that came in on that first mixer
27:35to the Colleen who is now like, yeah, I masturbate.
27:38I mean, the streets ahead, OK?
27:41We know you're going on tour.
27:43And we have got somebody up our sleeve.
27:45Oh, yeah.
27:46For you to date when you have a spare window in your diary.
27:50Take a look at the screen.
27:52Oh!
27:53This is Adam from London, originally from Canada.
27:56First reaction?
27:57What's wrong with Canada?
27:58I'm pleasantly surprised.
28:00Yeah?
28:00OK.
28:01It looks really, really attractive.
28:03Yeah, I'm looking forward to finding out more about him.
28:06And...
28:07Fleur?
28:08Yeah!
28:09Fleur!
28:10There she is!
28:11Yes!
28:12The Nollars is back!
28:13We want confident and sexy Colleen.
28:16Because you are...
28:20...Nolan.
28:21And I thought I had the potty mouth.
28:24Big respect, Dr T.
28:25OK, I love that.
28:27We love you.
28:28Love you too.
28:28Bye!
28:29See you soon.
28:30I can't wait for my date.
28:31Yes, girl!
28:33This could be the one.
28:35Let's hope he's not a prick.
28:37See you later.
28:37Bye, babe.
28:38See ya.
28:40Colleen's back in the room.
28:41She's literally just left it, Anna.
28:43That was a lie.
28:44Oh, my God.
28:45Colleen has spent decades being betrayed.
28:49No.
28:50And it's a damn bloody shame if we don't work extra hard to shift even a bit of that mindset.
28:55Because there is life in that old dog, yeah.
28:57Well, I wouldn't call her an old dog, but she is on the hunt for a nice, juicy bone.
29:03Woof, woof!
29:05Back to Stephen, who's injected some life into what's been a fairly deathy date with Fiona, are
29:11things looking up for the super clever professor.
29:14What do you normally look for in a partner?
29:16For me, it's like emotional intelligence and being able to have a conversation soberly.
29:21That is really what I'm looking for, is somebody that I can have a deep emotional connection with.
29:26I relate to that.
29:27Do you?
29:27Yeah.
29:28What do you look for in a partner?
29:29What are you looking for?
29:30I think I've always tried to facilitate other people in relationships.
29:35And there is an element of having to do that, right?
29:37Of course.
29:37But it should be reciprocal.
29:39Definitely.
29:39So, it's going to move a lot slower than it has in the past for me.
29:42Just what you want to hear on a first date when you've come down from Glasgow.
29:45I've had a really nice day.
29:46Me too.
29:47Really, really, really nice time.
29:49Go get your jacket.
29:50Oh, what a gentleman, thank you very much.
29:53I'm a bit fluffy, I'm so cold all the time.
29:56Not as cold as the people you work with.
29:59Glad you got the memo about the green jacket.
30:04I do wear other colours, I promise.
30:06So does Fi.
30:07Mostly black, I imagine.
30:09As my first date back, if you will, after a rather long hiatus, it was good.
30:15The agents have done a very good job.
30:17He's great, lovely.
30:19I think they've put that match together very well.
30:22Oh, sounds positive.
30:24Let's see what the prof thinks.
30:25The date was great.
30:27Fiona was really open.
30:29Go on.
30:30But it doesn't feel romantic.
30:31Oh, Stephen.
30:33You know, she's gorgeous.
30:34But there isn't that thing.
30:35And I think having had a little bit of that with Clara, I feel that I have to follow that.
30:40Thank you so much.
30:42It was so lovely, lovely dinner.
30:43Enjoy the rest of your afternoon.
30:45You too.
30:46Take care.
30:46Take care.
30:47The professor declared the time of death for that date was mid-afternoon.
30:55And as night falls, let's hope there's more life with our new celeb.
30:59Although PK Humble's ego took a bit of a PK tumble after his dressing down from Anna and Tea.
31:06Doctor, that is.
31:07Meeting the agents is a bit nerve-wracking, I'll be honest.
31:10Because I felt like there was a bit of pressure there.
31:12But I'm here to learn.
31:14Like, what's the worst that can happen?
31:16You should have tried everything at least once.
31:18And today I'm trying it.
31:20I'm trying it for the one-th time.
31:22This is my first date.
31:24I don't know how it's going to go.
31:25Me neither.
31:26Can't wait to find out.
31:30Right, let's cut to Snips specialising salon owner Inez.
31:34Who's dressed up to the nines for a bit of ten-pin bowling.
31:39I'm so excited.
31:40Going on a date with PK.
31:42He's amazing.
31:43I love his personality.
31:44He's funny.
31:45So I'm expecting a lot of laughs.
31:46And I can't wait to be in bowling, so.
31:49Exciting is.
31:51Well, you should be excited,
31:52because Percy does a great impression of an old-fashioned policeman.
31:56Hello, hello, hello.
31:57Hi.
31:57What up?
31:58You all right?
31:58Yeah, I'm good.
31:59How are you?
32:00You look amazing today.
32:02So you do?
32:03Oh, you said I look amazing?
32:05Mm-hm. You look good.
32:06You did say that with no conviction.
32:08Let me take my jacket off,
32:09because this rain was...
32:10This rain was crazy.
32:11You know I don't go out on dates when it's raining.
32:13But I came out for you today.
32:14Oh.
32:15Yeah, the limo's sunroof's broken.
32:18Are you happy you did?
32:19Yeah, you look amazing.
32:22I can't lie.
32:22I was pretty excited seeing Inez at the agency,
32:25but seeing up now...
32:27Oh, she's looking real fire.
32:29I'm feeling a tingle in my roster.
32:32Wait until you get your bum hole lasered.
32:34What's your background?
32:35I'm Congolese.
32:37Pardon me?
32:37Yeah.
32:38Oh!
32:40Never you're Congolese.
32:41Are you?
32:42No, I'm not Congolese.
32:43I'm Polish.
32:44Yeah.
32:45Oh, okay.
32:46I'm half Polish, half Ghanaian.
32:47And a quarter Dominican.
32:49I'm not great at maths,
32:50so that don't add up.
32:51So do you speak French?
32:53Sometimes, sometimes.
32:54Sometimes.
32:54So do you speak French?
32:55A little bit.
32:56I'm a bit of a bit.
32:57You're a bit of a bit.
32:58Not bad.
33:00You know, you see,
33:01I mean, you've got one two's in common.
33:03You don't look Congolese though.
33:05Really?
33:07I feel like I do.
33:10What are you looking for in life?
33:12In life?
33:12Nah, in a relationship.
33:14Oh no, are you looking for a relationship even?
33:17Yeah, I do.
33:18Obviously that's why I'm here.
33:19Nah, you could be looking for something casual.
33:22Careful, Percy.
33:23Nah, really, that's not my type.
33:26So what's the quality you're liking a woman?
33:28Mmm, serious questions.
33:31Ah!
33:32Sorry, a bit trapped wind.
33:33Someone that makes me feel comfortable.
33:35Like, no judgement zone.
33:37Cos I make a lot of mistakes in life.
33:39Sometimes you make about 30 of them,
33:40if I remember correctly.
33:42And I don't want someone that's just gonna be
33:44looking at me and just sideways.
33:46Tricky when she's sat next to you in her limo.
33:48I don't feel like you should wait in life.
33:49If you meet someone and you...
33:51Like, it's like right now, if you meet me
33:52and you feel like I'm the most amazing thing.
33:54Seems unlikely, but loving the confidence.
33:56You should just kiss me.
33:57Like, why would you wait?
33:59Oh, okay.
34:00That's what I'm saying.
34:00You don't wait.
34:01Well, judging by that reaction, Percy,
34:03I think she's gonna wait.
34:06Right over to two guys who didn't wait long
34:08before they snogged each other's faces off.
34:11Fans arrive for his second date with David
34:13and he's brought a brodie.
34:14Ov's prepared for anything
34:16that might rain down on him later.
34:18It's not every day you get to get your man tits out
34:20on your first date.
34:21So, you know, it's gone well with David so far.
34:23But the second date, so who knows, might poke hankies.
34:26Or have a little sword fight, who knows.
34:28Sod the umbrella, should have brought a shield.
34:30And look, David's expecting a proper soaking.
34:33Visors down, everyone.
34:35Things could get messy.
34:36I'm definitely excited to see Fan again.
34:38I feel like our chemistry at Heath quite nice.
34:41But I need a bit more of a spark.
34:43I just want that mmm, that mmm, that yeah feeling, you know.
34:49Whoa, let's see if there's that mmm, ah, yeah feeling.
34:54Hello, how are you?
34:55Hi Fan.
34:55How are you?
34:56I'll give you a hug.
34:56Nice to see you again.
34:58How do you look completely different with clothes on?
35:00Where's your shorts at?
35:00Where's your shorts at?
35:01I know, I thought, well we're back in London.
35:04The weather's no good, is it?
35:05I was expecting to see you walking in a little pair of shorts.
35:07Did you expect legs out?
35:08I expected the legs.
35:09I thought I'd mix it up for you.
35:11Fan's not happy, what's the point in turning up
35:13if the potsy pins aren't being flashed about?
35:16Should we get some drinks?
35:17Yeah, let's go on, let's go.
35:18What are you vibing?
35:19I feel like I'm going to do the same as last time.
35:21Okay.
35:22Tequila soda.
35:23Do you know what, I didn't get a single hangover in Tenerife.
35:25No, I did a tequila.
35:27It's literally, someone told me, someone told me it kills parasites, yeah.
35:32So it's good for you?
35:33Erm, he didn't quite say that.
35:35I mean, he's obviously probably not that healthy.
35:37No, I reckon it is.
35:37He covered you now, can he?
35:39Yeah, but if it's killing one of your parasites.
35:41What do you mean one of your parasites?
35:43How many you got?
35:44I feel like I need to inject a little bit of umph into this day.
35:48Get the sparks flying a little bit.
35:50Do you know what I mean?
35:51Like, fan those flames with fan.
35:54I'm going to ask you a few questions.
35:55Go on, man.
35:56Shoot them out.
35:57And it's quick fire.
35:57Quick fire.
35:58Are you ready?
36:00Oh, here we go.
36:01Love a quiz.
36:01Go on, man.
36:02Bath or shower?
36:05Bath or shower?
36:06Shower.
36:08Night in or night out?
36:11Mmm, 50-50.
36:15Driver or passenger princess?
36:2150-50.
36:22Mate, this ain't who wants to be a millionaire.
36:24Just answer the question.
36:25Proposer or proposing?
36:31Depends.
36:32Come on, fan.
36:33Just pick one.
36:33Supposed to be a bit of a laugh.
36:35Fan, these are quick fire.
36:3750-50.
36:38Not the 50-50.
36:40Everything can't be 50-50.
36:41That's not part of the game.
36:43I'd probably say proposer, depending on the person.
36:45Proposed air.
36:46Yeah, air.
36:48Well, we got there in the end.
36:49Proposed air.
36:51Have you got any quick fires for me?
36:53Let's think.
36:53Fan, now's your chance, mate, to redeem yourself.
36:56Think outside the box.
37:01This is going to be a bit older.
37:07Er...
37:08This is tent?
37:09Doug or cat.
37:13Oh, you fucked it, fan.
37:25Welcome back.
37:26We're in an East London bowling alley.
37:28Baller League legend PK Humble has so far failed to bowl in as over.
37:33Bowling joke there for you.
37:35So he's trying a new tactic, asking her questions and shit.
37:39So what do you do, Danny?
37:40I'm always working.
37:41I'm a hairstylist.
37:42I have, like, four clients a day.
37:44But then, do you really have time for something serious?
37:46Sitting in the back of a limo with nine other girls is not something serious.
37:50No, I do.
37:51I feel like when you just love someone, and you feel like this is your person, you can walk around
37:55it.
37:56If you're always busy, I don't feel like we're going to have the time to get there.
37:59You could always try taking the rented roster limo.
38:02I am busy, but not that busy for you.
38:05Eeeeeee, that's a pretty game.
38:07That game that you're jumping right now.
38:09Maybe you can be free from me.
38:10Yeah.
38:11And take me to meet your family.
38:13Oh, that's a bit too soon.
38:15It's too soon?
38:16Yes.
38:16I don't feel like it's too soon.
38:19So would you take me to your mum?
38:20Right now.
38:21I could call my mum right now and tell my mum I think I've found the love of my life.
38:25Hmm.
38:25See what she says.
38:27Probably, stop bothering me, I'm putting PK humble the second to bed.
38:30I feel like there's layers to you that, like, I feel like there might be a crazy side to you.
38:36Are you much of a drinker?
38:37Hmm.
38:38Where's he going with this?
38:39You've got work tomorrow.
38:40But I feel like a shot, I feel like a shot's appropriate for the night.
38:42The way the night's going, I don't know where the night's going, but it's appropriate for where it's going.
38:46Mm-hmm.
38:48Could always phone your mum again.
38:49Well, I'm done if you don't.
38:51You're cheeky.
38:52That's crazy.
38:54Percy, Percy, Percy.
38:58Back to David now where he's working hard to get that oomph, that ah, that yeah on his second date
39:03with Fan.
39:04Hello.
39:08Oh, okay.
39:09David's got absolutely no clue what he ordered.
39:13Oh.
39:15Thank you so much, thank you.
39:16Thank you so much, okay.
39:18What are these meant to be?
39:20Stick your entire face in it, that a little.
39:22You smell spicy.
39:23Can you use shot sticks?
39:25No, I cannot.
39:26Are you ready for a professional?
39:28Go on, show me.
39:28So you're supposed to pull them apart but obviously they're not wooden and then you do that.
39:31Yeah, go on.
39:32Are you ready to see a master at work?
39:35Why did he rub them off before he started using them?
39:38Oh, fucking chopstick.
39:39Yeah, it's flat, it's flat.
39:39It's flat.
39:40I've seen this that people do, where they do this thing where they go like that.
39:43That was really awkward because I am actually really good at using chopped sticks.
39:47No, you're not.
39:47Just put your fork in there, look, or get your ball of knives.
39:50Fan, I am not getting the fork.
39:53I've dedicated...
39:54Do you want me to ask him for a spoon?
39:55No, because look, I can pick up a singular noodle.
39:58There's no end to his talent.
40:00I've got the hand-to-eye coordination.
40:04Oh, well done, David.
40:05Right, go on.
40:06What's red flag's flag behaviour?
40:08Red flag?
40:09Er...
40:09I don't...
40:10Nah, I don't really think I have any.
40:12What about you?
40:13Someone who's miserable.
40:15Sounds just like me, no, I'm joking.
40:17Someone who's got no aunts.
40:21Someone who's under six foot.
40:23Someone who's under six foot.
40:26Massive red flag.
40:29Tiny willy.
40:30I don't mind that.
40:32Really?
40:33Not too little, I don't mind.
40:34You know.
40:36Yep, smaller the better, I've heard.
40:38What's on your balls?
40:41Quite a spicy sauce, actually.
40:43Really?
40:43Which I'm not used to.
40:45It might be like mine.
40:46Oh, hang on.
40:48Fan is spicing things up.
40:50What, you've got spicy balls?
40:51Spicy balls.
40:52Them Caribbean balls.
40:54Those Caribbean balls.
40:55How about their taste, yeah?
40:57Little dumplings.
40:58Mmm, nice.
40:59Looks like Fan's spicy balls chat has got David a little hot under the massive collar.
41:05PK and Ines have finally hit the lanes for, hang on, they're still at the table.
41:10I pay for an hour of bowling.
41:12What's always to cash.
41:14There's an onion in here, yeah?
41:15Shall I take it out?
41:16Because if we're going to kiss after, I'll take it out.
41:18If we're not going to kiss, I'll leave it in there.
41:22I don't know.
41:24I'll take it out.
41:24I'm not even going to risk it.
41:27How has this guy managed to make removing an onion from a burger a flirting technique?
41:32Look at you, you're blushing now, yo!
41:34Really?
41:35No!
41:36I'm blushing.
41:36I can see it in your eyes.
41:37To be fair, that's probably the onion.
41:40Do you think you'll bring excitement in my life?
41:42Yeah, I think I might be too much for you.
41:44Well, it's fun, darling.
41:47Mmmmm.
41:50Sorry, that wind is still repeating.
41:52You're flirting.
41:53You're flirting, hon.
41:54If I saw you at the bar, I'll buy you a champagne.
41:57And then, after that, it will happen.
41:59Hey!
42:01What are you talking about?
42:03After that, what will happen?
42:04The barman would say, we don't do champagne.
42:07You all right with champagne?
42:08You build like Coca-Cola.
42:11Did you look?
42:12Of course I did.
42:13But when we go to bowl, I'll be looking for sure, for sure.
42:16Oh, yeah, the bowling.
42:18I'd almost forgotten about that.
42:19Should we play a couple games of bowling?
42:20Surely she's not going to fall for that.
42:22He's literally just told her he plans to check out her pins.
42:25Bowling joke.
42:26Yeah, I'm done.
42:27Why don't we do this?
42:28The loser has to pay for the second date.
42:30Let's go.
42:32Well, I, for one, am made up, because it sounds like a second date is on the cards.
42:36What?
42:36Why is mine?
42:38I was looking at your barman.
42:39But more importantly, it's bowling montage time!
42:45Yeah!
42:46Are you impressed?
42:48No, I'm not.
42:50Oh, no.
42:52I'll show you.
42:52You just want to really, like, mmm.
42:55Yeah.
42:56You got to go, like, bend the knees.
42:59All right.
43:01All right.
43:01All right.
43:03You see?
43:07That's how you're playing for the next date.
43:09Strike!
43:14After things got a bit spicy following the world's worst quiz,
43:18David's date with Fan is drawing to a close with, what else?
43:21More questions.
43:22So, have you found the date, then?
43:23Have you enjoyed it?
43:24Yeah, it's been lovely.
43:24I feel like it's been really nice to catch up again.
43:26A bit hard, yeah.
43:27For sure.
43:28100%.
43:28Shall I walk you out, then?
43:29Come on, then.
43:30Come on, then, my love.
43:32All right.
43:32Shall I get the bill?
43:33Yeah.
43:34There was much more spice on the plate than there was at the dinner table.
43:38And it's a shame, because we get on so well.
43:40He's very attractive.
43:42But there just isn't that thing.
43:45Give me a hug.
43:47Mwah!
43:48I'll see you in a bit.
43:48Well, I just want to say, though, again,
43:51lovely day, but I just do feel like it is a bit more of a friends vibe.
43:56That's fair.
43:56But yeah, I feel like we get on really well, and I feel like I like to be honest.
44:01You know what?
44:01I respect your honesty.
44:03Yeah, and I just...
44:03We can go from there.
44:04Yeah, definitely.
44:05100%.
44:06Thank you so much.
44:08No.
44:08Get back to Birmingham, say.
44:09See you in a bit.
44:10See you later.
44:11See you later, love.
44:12Pied by the Potsy.
44:14Poor old fan.
44:14I think that I would have been open to seeing David again.
44:18I just think that, at the end of the day, that's how he feels.
44:20And how he's feeling.
44:21Like, I wouldn't take away from him.
44:22I respect him for telling me.
44:26Listen, it's time for me to go back to the agency.
44:29Baby, open them box.
44:31Because I'm ready to see what else is in there.
44:34Look out, agents.
44:35Potsy's coming for you.
44:38Back in East London, and PK and Innes' flirty day is also coming to an end.
44:43Check, please.
44:45What would you like to pay?
44:46Card, please.
44:48Check, thank you.
44:51Decline!
44:53You're funny.
44:55It don't decline.
44:56Really?
44:57We should try that in self-rages.
44:59Yeah, let's go.
45:00Oh, yeah, let's go.
45:01How do you come to my house?
45:06Should we go, then?
45:07Yeah, let's go.
45:08It was a really good date.
45:10He surprised me.
45:12So, I think we have some curiosity going on.
45:15I feel like the date's been great.
45:16It's been amazing.
45:17Would you like to see me again?
45:19Definitely.
45:20I will see you again.
45:21It's not really an option, really, now.
45:23I can tell by the way you're smiling.
45:25I wouldn't want to do that to you and not give you a second date.
45:32All right, then.
45:33All right.
45:33It's been a pleasure.
45:35Yeah, I wouldn't be getting on a second date if she wasn't my type.
45:37I'm very picky.
45:38Yes, Percy.
45:39He's only gone and got himself an actual second date.
45:42What amazing progress.
45:44Usually, I would have gone in for the kill.
45:47Tongue down the throat.
45:48The whole shibango.
45:49But today, I took a touch.
45:51I didn't hit it on the volley.
45:53Well, I guess that counts as progress.
45:56See you later.
45:57Okay, see you.
46:01Oh, that's a shame.
46:03Oh, that's a shame.
46:27Donate.
46:28You're the one who are all winning the money.
46:29You're all done halves.
46:31As our celebs.
46:32How bad were you?
46:33I bit her.
46:34I hit her.
46:34I called her a bitch.
46:36Girl!
46:36I feel like I'm going to make a move.
46:38I actually need to be brave and speak directly to me.
46:42Dating!
46:42I think you've grown an in.
46:44I have.
46:44Well, always do.
46:46So.
46:46No.