00:00Hey guys, it's Lucy Fink and this week I'm trying five days of spending time alone.
00:07I hate being alone because FOMO is a real thing and I totally have it.
00:13Are you great at having fun without me?
00:15Stop!
00:16Aww.
00:17We live in an age where people are fearful of doing things by themselves because they're
00:22afraid what others are going to think of them.
00:24One.
00:25Crazy.
00:26Two.
00:27Valid.
00:27Let me tell you about the spotlight effect.
00:31We have this egocentric way of thinking that makes us feel like everyone is looking at us,
00:36even though we are essentially going unnoticed.
00:39Remember when I did that week without my cell phone?
00:41Have you seen that episode yet?
00:43I thought this would be another good challenge.
00:45Am I afraid to spend time by myself?
00:47No, but I am excited to see what I can take away from these moments.
00:51Typically if I get a coffee before work, it's on the run, but today I'm going to park it
00:55at a coffee shop nearby and I'm just going to read and people watch, no cell phone.
00:59I will report back and we'll let you know how I felt on my own in the coffee shop.
01:05I really like being by myself.
01:07I like eating by myself.
01:08I just always make sure to have a phone or a magazine or something so I'm not like by
01:12myself, by myself.
01:13Bringing this with me to the cafe, bad idea.
01:18I thought that leaving my phone at home would be enough, but as it turns out, bringing a
01:21book is essentially the same thing.
01:23They both take you away from truly being by yourself.
01:27I've realized that people actually bring phones and books with them into public spaces
01:32to subtly hide their shame for the fact that they're alone.
01:35So being in the cafe with my book didn't really feel like I was spending time by myself.
01:40So for my next solo excursion, no activities are permitted.
01:45No cell phone, no book, just Lucy.
01:53I left the office in the middle of the day and I went to a sit down lunch just by
01:57myself.
01:58I ordered a triple decker chicken bacon sandwich with chips and an iced tea.
02:04You know what they say about when one of your senses goes away, the others get very strong?
02:09My sense of taste was explosive.
02:15When you go out to a meal alone, you don't have that whole side of your brain operating
02:20that's telling you to be social and keep up the conversation.
02:23Instead, your brain is focusing on one thing and one thing only.
02:27Two things, chicken and bacon.
02:29Commuting home is my me time.
02:32If I see one of my coworkers leaving the office at the same time as me,
02:34I'll walk four blocks out of my way just to not have to commute with them.
02:41I've been trying to think of things that I can do on my own and something that I know
02:46a lot of creative, bright, intelligent people do is go to museums by themselves.
02:52I have never been to a museum by myself.
02:55But there's a catch.
02:57Instead of sending myself to a regular art gallery,
03:00why not mix it up a bit and make me feel super uncomfortable by myself?
03:06So I went to the sex museum.
03:08Obviously, the fact that it was a sex museum brought a whole new layer into this.
03:12But if I'm being completely honest, I wish that I had a friend when I left the museum
03:17because I had a lot of questions.
03:22My theory is that if you're eating alone, it doesn't mean that you don't deserve attention.
03:26So if you sit at the bar, then you get a lot of attention from the bartender
03:29and you get to hit on the bartender.
03:31Thursday night, movie night.
03:33And this is the night that I have been dreading.
03:35I have never been to the movies alone.
03:37So I'm going to challenge myself.
03:39I'm going to a scary movie by myself.
03:42I don't like scary movies.
03:44Wish me luck.
03:50That was bad.
03:51I'm sleeping with my lamp on.
03:53I have to.
03:54I have to.
03:55One of the places I love going by myself is the dog park.
03:59I don't even have a dog, but I like to go to the dog park and watch other people's dogs.
04:04I once met a guy who knew a guy who wrote a book.
04:09And that book was about loving yourself.
04:11Every single relationship we have in our life is going to come to an end.
04:16Whether it's by a breakup or a divorce or in the worst of circumstances, death.
04:21Every single relationship is going to end except that one relationship that you have with yourself.
04:26Give yourself the opportunity to enjoy your own company.
04:30Learn who you are.
04:31Learn what you like and don't like when there's nobody else around.
04:33I didn't necessarily love being by myself all the time.
04:36Even if you feel uncomfortable, force yourself to be in those situations.
04:40Because loving yourself is the most important thing in the world.
04:44And then cookies.
04:45Love yourself, then cookies.
04:47Cookies are maybe better.
04:48Are you tired of living alone?
04:51Try living with me, Lucy, instead.
04:53Subscribe to Refinery29 for more episodes of Try Living with Lucy.
04:57I promise I'm really fun.
