- 17 hours ago
Katt Williams: The Last Report
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00:06He is the king of underground comedy, Dr. Cam Williams.
00:46First of all, let me say thank you so much for this.
00:49I appreciate this, my whole motherfucking journey.
00:54My whole journey started South Florida, 1995.
01:01So the fact that this is where we are, full circle, I appreciate this.
01:08This how I know I'm the greatest comic living.
01:14Because I got the best audience everywhere.
01:18Some people, some people have a couple stars come.
01:21We have all the stars come out.
01:25And tonight is no exception.
01:28It's dark in here, y'all can't even see who in here.
01:33You gonna be shocked.
01:36Where's all the white people in the building make some noise, white people?
01:40What?
01:42In this administration, still hanging with niggas.
01:47We appreciate that, white friends.
01:50You knew it was gonna be diverse and equal and inclusive.
01:54You came anyway.
01:56Mm-hmm.
01:57Some of y'all gonna go to heaven just for that.
02:00When you get up there, it's gonna be on the checklist.
02:02Did you hang with niggas?
02:04Yep.
02:07Where's all the Hispanics in the building?
02:09Where's me, familia?
02:12Buenos noches.
02:15I want y'all to know y'all are safe.
02:19In this building tonight.
02:22There will be no ice in this building of any kind.
02:26Just the ice I'm wearing, that is it.
02:30I told them, don't even put ice in the drinks.
02:34I want everybody to feel comfortable.
02:37Last but not least, the core of my very existence.
02:42Where's all the black people in the building make some noise, black people?
02:51Whoo!
02:54Battery in the back.
02:57And the most important creation in all the known universe.
03:03Where's the ladies in the building make some noise?
03:07Oh!
03:11Yeah.
03:13Y'all are the reason Florida is Florida.
03:17Florida is known for orange juice and great pussy.
03:21And orange juice gave up a long time ago.
03:25Cause the pussy's that good.
03:29Yeah.
03:31My new shit.
03:32Giving credit.
03:34Not making people wait.
03:36If you doing a great job going into 2026,
03:39we gonna announce you doing a great job.
03:42So that you know it.
03:44And you can keep up the good work.
03:46Cause some of y'all doing great.
03:48You don't even know you doing great.
03:50You don't even know.
03:52Ladies have been kicking ass all across the motherfucking globe.
03:57And people ain't saying shit.
04:00Women have flipped the script.
04:04Let her cook.
04:06Let her cook.
04:07Let me cook to her.
04:10Never gave a damn.
04:11I ain't never gave no-
04:12That's the good pussy dance.
04:16Women have been doing a great job all across the globe.
04:19Not some women.
04:20All women.
04:22They handle certain shit.
04:24There's no such thing as a woman saying,
04:26I don't have no eyelashes.
04:30Let her cook.
04:31I don't give a fuck if she's starving to death.
04:33She got lashes.
04:36They might not even be the right species.
04:39She got a mountain alpaca and a desert llama together.
04:42They don't even go together in nature.
04:46Women did that shit.
04:47No group chats.
04:49No emails.
04:50Just one woman helping another woman.
04:53Did you know that stinking pussy
04:57is a thing of the past?
05:00Let her cook.
05:02Let me cook to her.
05:06Never gave a damn.
05:07I ain't never gave no-
05:08You can waft it when it smells nice.
05:1125 years ago, stinking pussy was everywhere.
05:16You couldn't walk down the street without smelling tuna fish.
05:22Not today.
05:24Women are fresh.
05:28No more stanky pussy.
05:32There's a man in here right now,
05:35sitting with the last stanky pussy in Florida.
05:39He trying to get my attention.
05:41I won't look at him.
05:43Let her cook.
05:45Oh.
05:46Let her cook to her.
05:49Never gave a damn.
05:50I ain't never-
05:54No, I'm just saying.
05:56A lot of people doing a great job.
05:58They don't even know it.
06:00Watch this.
06:01Where's everybody 35 and over?
06:04Make some noise.
06:0535 and over.
06:10Y'all don't know how special y'all are.
06:14100 years from now, they gonna be writing books about you motherfuckers.
06:18How the fuck did y'all do this shit?
06:22Did you know if you 35 and over, did you know that you look better than anybody who has ever
06:29been your age in the history of humankind?
06:33What the fuck?
06:36Y'all look good.
06:40You know you look good.
06:41Some of y'all grandmothers at 29, bitch.
06:44You know the fuck you look good.
06:47Your grandmama still got her baby hair?
06:54You 35 and over, you have done it.
06:56You have already lived one life.
06:59If it was a good life, put it in the books.
07:02If it was fucked up, put it behind you and start all over again.
07:07At 63, bitch.
07:09You can do it.
07:12Here's the future.
07:14Where's 35 and under?
07:16Make some noise.
07:1635 and under.
07:18Yes, we love y'all.
07:21Mmm.
07:22We are counting on y'all.
07:25All y'all gotta do is don't fuck up like we just fucked up in front of you.
07:29That's it.
07:32Certain simple shit, you don't even have to try.
07:35Like if you under 35, you can't afford to do no drugs at all.
07:41Just smoke weed.
07:42It's the only thing you can trust.
07:46You don't believe me?
07:47Easter and 420 was on the same day that you hear this.
07:51That's Jesus inviting me personally.
07:58Weed is the only thing you can trust.
08:00Back in the day they used to say drugs was fun and dangerous.
08:03Now they done took the fun the fuck out.
08:06It's just and dangerous.
08:09Can't do meth or molly and make your gums long and your teeth short.
08:13What the fuck you gonna do with that?
08:15You can't even take selfies, bitch.
08:19Can't do the fentanyl, you'll die.
08:22Can't drink the lean.
08:24It eat up your liver and your spleen.
08:27And your esophagus.
08:29Look at my white friends.
08:31That is not your esophagus, Kat.
08:33You are doing so good.
08:36Just saying they know these drugs is too strong.
08:40They just too strong.
08:43They got a rapper that's a thousand pounds.
08:45He addicted to lean.
08:47I can't put it down the cup.
08:48I can't put it down the cup.
08:52I can't put it down the cup.
08:54He can't put down the cup.
08:56Or the plate.
08:57Or the spoon or the fork.
09:00They too strong.
09:02Speaking of too strong.
09:03Look at that stool.
09:08The stool is like, you got to be shitting me.
09:11You gonna do the whole song on me, baby?
09:15Take it down before he made me pay for his weight loss street, let's say.
09:22Just making a point.
09:26This next question I'm gonna ask y'all is the most important question in the whole universe.
09:34I've been broke and I've been rich.
09:36This is the only thing that matters.
09:39Make some noise if you are relatively healthy right now.
09:43If you got your health.
09:45If you got a God, you should thank him.
09:49That's all that matters.
09:50It's your motherfucking health.
09:52I don't give a fuck if you got a billion dollars.
09:55If you are throwing up and shitting at the same time.
09:58You are broke, bitch.
10:02Yeah.
10:03Your health is what motherfucking matters.
10:06And it don't take nothing for that motherfucker to leave.
10:10I thought I was strong than a motherfucker.
10:13I found out I'm not even a little bit strong.
10:18I got hit by two kidney stones.
10:23You know about a kidney stone?
10:26That motherfucker is a crippler.
10:28I didn't know what the fuck happened to me.
10:31I was asleep and woke up to two kidney stones.
10:35Both my legs shut off.
10:38I was just at the end of the bed, shaped like a pretzel.
10:41Saying, not in my pajamas, Jesus.
10:46I didn't know what to tell the doctor.
10:47I think I peed two firecrackers.
10:53Take care of your motherfucking health.
10:56Speaking of health.
10:58Whoever been naming these new medications.
11:02You are kicking ass.
11:04Keep up the good work.
11:06It's good for white people and niggas.
11:09All of these new medications sound like some shit you want to take.
11:14My commercial, I heard, Ren Vulcan.
11:18I don't even know what that cure, bitch, but I don't mind ordering that at Walgreens.
11:23Where's my Ren Vulcan?
11:26Sound like something you named your penis.
11:27You ready for the Ren Vulcan?
11:30Hit it with the R-R-U, kid.
11:35All the names is cool.
11:37The next one was Sky Rizzy.
11:40Bitch, that's flying shit.
11:42That was my nickname in middle school, Sky Rizzy.
11:46Because I would do a skyhook and look at girls.
11:52The best one is Trim Fire.
11:55That was my nickname for hot pussy.
11:57I love Trim Fire.
11:59She got that Trim Fire!
12:03But even they drugs is too strong.
12:07I told y'all three years ago, Ozempic had Hollywood in a chokehold.
12:15I ain't lie.
12:17Y'all seen Oprah?
12:19She got the body of a 12-year-old boy.
12:22She ain't never even been a 12-year-old boy.
12:26That shit is strong.
12:30Gail looked like she ain't had a bowel movement since she came back from space.
12:35Her and the wig looked confused.
12:44Lil' Ren said he didn't even take Ozempic. He just heard about it.
12:49He went down to his baby weight.
12:53You a nine pound, six ounce?
12:57Nigga's built like a cricket now.
13:01How did you lose weight in your head, knees?
13:06Shoulders and toes, shoulders and toes.
13:13Five years ago, we talked about the side effect being worse than the shit they were curing.
13:19This month, I heard this.
13:22The medication for eczema said the side effect is severe skin reactions.
13:34Bitch, that's what the fuck I came to you for!
13:38You took away my eczema and gave me shingles, spit, shot, and still itching.
13:49It's gonna get worse.
13:53I'm gonna say everything I'm not supposed to say tonight.
13:57Just so you know.
14:00The world has changed.
14:04The world has motherfucking changed.
14:06Used to be...
14:07Used to be you told a story, people would be like, is that true?
14:11Now they don't give a fuck if it's true.
14:14Is it derogatory?
14:18Yes, bitch, it probably is derogatory.
14:21But it's true, though.
14:24I just had to tell my people what the fuck is really going on.
14:27And we are living in a special time.
14:30I mean, a special fucking time.
14:32Like, you can really do anything right about now.
14:35I don't give a fuck what's wrong with you.
14:37You can fucking make it.
14:38Like, even if you cross-eyed, you can make it.
14:43Did you understand that even if you cross-eyed?
14:49Take that down before I get a knock on my door.
14:57That man is the director of the FBI.
15:04He can do that, you can do any of that.
15:08Cross-eyed and the director of the FBI?
15:12You can't even be an eyewitness.
15:24He working on everybody's case.
15:27He could work on my case.
15:29I'd be right in front of the judge.
15:30Your Honor, he looks distracted.
15:37I was talking about health.
15:41The most important health is your motherfucking mental health.
15:45How the fuck is you doing up here?
15:47Make some noise if you're doing good up here.
15:50That's what the fuck matters.
15:52You gotta protect your motherfucking mental health.
15:56That shit is fragile.
15:59Once it go, it's gone.
16:01And they don't give a fuck who you are.
16:04Once it go, it's gone.
16:07You need your fucking mental health.
16:09And I found out some shit they did not tell us.
16:13And I can't wait to tell y'all so y'all can treat yourself better.
16:18Some of y'all be way too mean to yourself in the fucking brain.
16:22You say some really fucked up things to yourself.
16:27This is what they found out.
16:29They found out your brain don't know when you bullshitting.
16:35Let me say it again.
16:37Your brain don't know when you bullshitting.
16:41So if you tell your brain, I'm sick.
16:44Your brain don't do no research at all.
16:47It just say, I guess we sick.
16:52You gotta be nicer to your motherfucker self.
16:56Cause this shit go like that.
16:58And I found out when it come to mental health, I can't speak on nobody's mental health but my own.
17:04Cause every time I done spoke on somebody else's mental health, I've been wrong, wrong, wrong.
17:11I was the first person in the streets screaming, free Britney Spears.
17:18Free Britney Spears.
17:20Free Britney Spears.
17:24Then they freed Britney and scared all of us.
17:28That baby need a conservatory shit.
17:31Is she okay?
17:34It can happen to anybody.
17:36I fucked around and said Wendy Williams was Bigfoot.
17:41And they believed me and left that bitch in the woods for real.
17:45Go get her.
17:47She out there, how you doing?
17:49She is talking to a squirrel.
17:54Mental health.
17:56Don't play with it.
17:58It even got Lil Nas X.
18:01He went down the wrong old town road.
18:05And he had all the distress signals for a black man.
18:09He had on a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, white underwear.
18:17Look at my white friends.
18:19So what?
18:21I'll tell you a negro secret.
18:24A nigga ain't wore tighty-whities since slavery, bitch.
18:30That is her cry for help.
18:33We don't even know where you buy those.
18:36He got a pulled all high show in his whole vagina.
18:43Stop it. Don't do that.
18:45Don't encourage me.
18:49I'm just saying, don't forget to love your motherfucker self.
18:53Don't forget that.
18:55Be nicer to your motherfucker self.
18:58That's why I'm always so confident in all situations.
19:01Because if I see a mirror, I lie to the mirror.
19:06Every time I see me, I go, nigga, did you get a growth spurt today?
19:14I love you.
19:17I love you.
19:18You looking 511 a day.
19:19I love you.
19:20I want to let you get in here.
19:22I tell me what you'll see.
19:23It's important we'll go on in your brain and I just hope for 19 of you
19:31That you are just one change away
19:34From your shit shifting motherfucking gears and that's how quick it can happen. Just one last change
19:41BAM you shift gears
19:43Yeah, and you I don't give a fuck what the change is just do it. You might have to change
19:49your name
19:50You've been Shaquita for 33 years bitch shit. It's not working for you
19:56Go back to the drawing board start at the age you could be Amber Amy Abigail
20:05Sometimes it's just a name I'm gonna give you an example we got people
20:09From all the different races colors and creeds in the building
20:14Make some noise if you know all the seasonings that means you know all the herbs and spices
20:20from
20:21Oregano and thyme all the way to rosemary and saffron make some noise if you know all the
20:30Look at my white friends, we know them
20:35Okay, just we got everybody in here has anybody ever seen paprika growing in the wild
20:44You ever seen wild paprika
20:49Nobody
20:50Nobody
20:51Cause there ain't no paprika
20:54Look at the black people
20:55Look at the black people
20:57Well what the fuck we been putting on deviled eggs then, nigga?
21:01You can't just say this shit
21:05There is no paprika
21:07There is no paprika
21:07Ain't no paprika plant, no paprika bush, no paprika tree
21:14Paprika is dried up, ground up, bell peppers
21:21Look at white people, I don't even like bell peppers
21:25Yes, you do
21:26They just had to change the name
21:28Walked in bell peppers
21:30Walked out paprika Jenkins
21:36Couldn't keep it on this shelf
21:37She sounds exotic
21:42Now some of y'all may know
21:43I do not travel the globe
21:46Talking about no motherfucking seasonings
21:50In my spare time
21:51I infiltrate the Illuminati
21:55Find out what the fuck they got going on
21:58Get the information
22:01Run back to y'all
22:03Tell y'all everything I know
22:06That's my motherfucking job
22:09And
22:11Y'all treat me wonderfully
22:14But I don't know
22:17How many more times I'm gonna be able to
22:23Sneak in there
22:25Thanks to Shannon Sharp and 90 million views
22:31I can't sneak very often
22:35So I
22:36While I was in there this last time
22:40Knowing that my last report might be my last report
22:46I went in there and I got information for everybody
22:51Information I got
22:54For everybody
22:55Look at my white friends
22:58Us too?
23:00That's right, white secrets
23:04Okay, so
23:05Because of the climate and the temperature of
23:10God damn it, shoelaces
23:13That's the only thing about being short
23:18They made these shoelaces for a seven foot nigga
23:25Alright, back to my Illuminati information
23:30Alright, I'm gonna do it quick
23:31And I'm gonna be moving around
23:34For my own safety
23:38White friends, here come y'alls first
23:41For 50 years y'all been wondering
23:43What the fuck happened to JFK
23:47I went in there
23:48And watched the VCR tape myself
23:52I can't tell you what I saw, white friends
23:55But I'll show you the part you missed
24:10Moving right along
24:13Okay
24:17Every time I go in there I be thinking
24:20They hate some of us more than others
24:23But when I find out the information
24:24I find out they hate all of us
24:26They just lie to all of us
24:29They don't see no difference
24:31Just lie to all of us
24:34Here's a perfect example
24:37Did you know that for 35 years
24:40They've been telling us we are at war
24:42With cholesterol
24:44That cholesterol is the silent killer
24:48All our doctors told us our cholesterol
24:50Was too motherfucking high
24:52And we needed to get it down low
24:55Guess what they found out and didn't tell us
24:58Did you know
25:04Did you know your brain is 100% cholesterol?
25:10Your whole brain is cholesterol, bitch
25:15So congratulations
25:18Some of y'all cholesterol
25:20Loading a bitch
25:22You did it
25:25They don't be giving a fuck
25:26They just be making money
25:29They put motherfucking fluoride in our water
25:32And then I found out
25:34You know it was never not one study
25:36That ever said that fluoride was good for our teeth
25:39And our motherfucking bones
25:41Because it's a toxic fucking chemical
25:44And could never be good for teeth or fucking bones
25:49Bitch
25:53But the truth is
25:56Because of the shit I'm likely to say
26:00I done really stepped in at this time
26:03I can tell because everybody turned against me
26:07Them streets is dangerous for me
26:10So many motherfuckers came at me
26:12I had to check myself
26:14And see what the fuck I had done
26:17I went back and watched shit for myself
26:19I went and saw the Shannon Sharp interview
26:22I was flabbergasted
26:27This nigga's vicious
26:29He didn't have to say all that
26:33All they want me to do is shut the fuck up
26:37That's it
26:38But I was just mistaken
26:41I thought they was just gonna laugh it off
26:44They did not
26:48Laugh it off
26:50I can't even go to Sea World
26:52Cause I said one guy looked like a walrus
26:55Now they won't even let me in there
26:59I said another guy couldn't read
27:00I didn't have to say that
27:02I could have said he don't read well
27:06I had on a fuck you shirt
27:08He didn't acknowledge it
27:09I assumed he couldn't read
27:13I was only talking about a couple people
27:15But I should have shut the fuck up
27:17Cause I didn't know how many people it applied to
27:20I was talking about a couple men in dresses
27:22Now every man that ever wore a dress
27:26Can't stand my guts
27:28Soon as they see me coming
27:29They just grab their purse and walk the other
27:38This shit cost me
27:41Everybody turned against me
27:42Even 50 Cent turned against me
27:46You don't want him as an enemy
27:49But I couldn't be shook
27:51Cause I remembered
27:53I never done nothing to him in my life
27:56Then I got offended
27:59Wait a minute motherfucker
28:03You got a head like a square
28:05You would cross me
28:09Only two square headed men have made it in Hollywood
28:12You and Herman Monster
28:14Nigga I will not be bullied
28:22But they came after you boy
28:27I thought they misunderstood my job
28:30My job is see something, say something
28:33That's my motherfucking job
28:36They always taking my shit out of context
28:38A lot of the times I be concerned
28:42They act like I was talking shit about
28:44A comedy legend of ours
28:46I wasn't talking shit
28:47I was fucking concerned
28:49The man said he did not have a stroke
28:53And then that should have been the end of it
28:55Instead they made this nigga do 32 interviews
28:59In every interview he is showing every symptom
29:02of a stroke
29:05Ain't nobody saying shit
29:07They just come on out
29:09He, ...
29:10Different strokes of taste
29:11Different strokes of taste
29:13Different strokes of taste
29:22And I am at the house like this is wrong
29:25the fuck is we talking about did he have a stroke did he look like he had several
29:31strokes up stroke down stroke back stroke everything but a stroke of luck
29:40I was concerned I'm not allowed to say shit even if I see shit cuz Hollywood
29:48is too motherfucking strong they want you to make it you gonna make it they
29:53don't give up oh even if you was allegedly riddled with herpes they'll
30:01still have you in Vegas feeding bitches fruit and shit
30:04I didn't say it too much
30:16I get it ain't nobody been to say shit all our women coming back from Vegas with
30:23two folks on their lips don't wanna fuck fuck it
30:33fellas your woman does not love fruit like that you don't believe me when y'all get back home just
30:40pop up from behind the couch
30:45stop playing with the fruit Gerald that's the kids lunch fruit
30:52but I just gotta shut the fuck up because Hollywood is too strong they pay by their own rules
31:01they don't play by my rules
31:04P Diddy just got four years
31:08for taking 37 asses
31:12let me do the math
31:15took 37 asses
31:18four years
31:21meanwhile they tried to give me the same four years for two blunts I had no intention of smoking in
31:28the first place
31:29they were purely ornamental
31:33same four years
31:35cuz they played by different rules
31:38that man was
31:40facing ass trafficking charges
31:45for trafficking asses
31:47for trafficking asses
31:49why they only gave him four years
31:53why they only gave him four years
31:53because liking dick
31:54and being a devil worshipper ain't against the law
32:00they heard prostitution
32:02and thought there was some vaginas
32:06that needed to be saved
32:10the judge said bring out
32:12the nine prostitutes
32:15and nine big dick niggas walked out
32:20the judge said
32:22order
32:23he's fine give him four years
32:26it's not a crime
32:27he just likes penis
32:33he liked penis so much
32:35they sent him to the place
32:37with the most penis
32:42right now he is happily paying for his crime
32:52I'm not gonna be scared for four years
32:57P Diddy got his lawyers lying
33:00he's gonna be a changed man when he come out
33:03is he
33:05yes he started
33:06good boy records and everything
33:09he's not saying
33:10take that he's saying give back
33:12give back
33:15that's the last thing
33:16I'm gonna say
33:20I ain't talking about shit else
33:22just know sometimes
33:25my heart be in the
33:26motherfucker right place
33:28and I just get tricked
33:29sometimes I believe shit
33:31that ain't right
33:32like I thought Mike Tyson
33:35was gonna whoop the shit
33:36out that young white gentleman
33:38I believe that shit
33:40I had a party invited my ancestors over
33:44and everything
33:46had chips and dip
33:47and unnecessary regalia
33:49I just want to see Mike Tyson
33:52the beast
33:53the monster
33:54in the motherfucker
33:55ring again
33:58I knew early in the evening
34:00something was wrong
34:03I had to put my blood out
34:05for only the fourth time
34:07without the police's presence
34:10I looked up
34:11Mike had his whole ass out
34:14the fuck
34:16the fuck
34:17I said pay-per-view
34:19not only fans
34:20bitch
34:20you don't have my consent
34:22to show me this
34:29the fight hadn't even started
34:32I had to put my money
34:34on this nigga
34:37I had to rationalize for him
34:39I said some stupid shit
34:40I said
34:41I know he ain't finna lose
34:44with his ass out
34:47boy was I wrong
34:50they called Mike Tyson out
34:52Mike Tyson came to the ring
34:54like Joe Biden
34:55on his way to a helicopter
34:57bitch
35:09I said
35:09what the fuck is that?
35:11he was like
35:12it's Mike Tyson
35:13no the fuck it ain't
35:18look like he was fighting gravity
35:24but that's the new thing about the world we live in
35:27you can take the pressure off yourself
35:30just do the best job
35:32you can possibly do
35:33cause you either gonna win spectacular
35:36or you gonna lose spectacular
35:38your job is just make sure it's spectacular
35:43and you can take a spectacular L
35:46Kamala Harris showed us that shit
35:49she took a L like a champ
35:52we ain't never seen no shit like that
35:56they tried to act like nobody voted for Kamala
35:59they put up the map
36:00the whole map was red
36:03even the people that voted for her was red
36:07they showed her house it was 50-50
36:10it ain't but two of y'all in there
36:14they tried to blame everybody
36:15they blamed black men
36:17it was not our fault
36:19blame anybody else
36:21no Indians voted for her at all
36:25even women that wanted an abortion said
36:28I guess I'll just have to figure something out
36:32they said she didn't have enough electoral college votes to graduate
36:39at one point in the election
36:41Cat Williams had more votes
36:48that's where we were as a country
36:51everybody asking the same question
36:53is she black
36:53is she black
36:55is she black
36:56at the end she showed you exactly
37:00what she was
37:02it was time for her concession speech
37:05she ain't even show up
37:09that's a nigga right there
37:10we should have never doubted it
37:13she just rolled by with her pinky finger in the hair
37:15just
37:16if you see me and you try to see what's up
37:19if you wanna fuck with me then I'm gonna stop
37:21stop
37:27but that's the best part about America
37:30in America
37:31in America it don't matter who you choose
37:33cause we all gonna pay the price
37:37together
37:39that's what make it gambling
37:41we gonna pay the price together
37:43no matter what it is
37:45you don't want this one?
37:47fine
37:48well who's up next?
37:51that's right
37:52don't be complaining about who up next
37:55just cause it happened to be
37:57Donald J Darth Vader
37:59Trump
38:04yeah I don't give a fuck
38:05what you think about him
38:06that motherfucker is excited
38:11that motherfucking Trump
38:13you do not know what he finna do tomorrow
38:16you know the fuck you don't
38:18all you know is he gonna do something
38:22he been president before
38:24he been president before
38:25this time he was not bullshit
38:28he been office 200 days
38:30he done done 200 things
38:36good things, bad things, who gives a fuck
38:39things
38:42he do his shit today
38:44and figure out what the fuck
38:46he just did
38:47tomorrow
38:50yeah
38:52he found out all you gotta do
38:54is think about it, research it
38:56make it happen
38:57and this term he said get research
38:59the fuck out of here
39:00we will not be needing your services
39:05he don't give a fuck
39:06he don't give a fuck
39:06if it makes sense to him
39:08it makes sense
39:10first thing he did is come in
39:12and fired all the wrong people
39:16fired a thousand people
39:17at the nuclear
39:20security
39:21administration
39:23the next day he said
39:25well what did they do?
39:28they took care of the bombs
39:30they took care of the bombs
39:30Mr. President
39:31well get them the fuck
39:32back in here
39:33you know I didn't mean them
39:35I meant TSA
39:36the one with the shoes
39:42don't give a fuck
39:43he do it today
39:44figure it out tomorrow
39:47he fired thousands of people
39:49at the FAA
39:51and then 14 planes landed upside down
39:55in 14 days
39:57y'all didn't say shit
39:58sometimes they land like that
40:00no they don't
40:06if it makes sense to him
40:08it makes sense
40:10he don't think like everybody else
40:12they told him
40:14only 28%
40:16of our 8th graders
40:18can read
40:21he said
40:23who gave the test
40:32the Department of Education
40:34well get them the fuck out of here
40:37take them books with them
40:40how the fuck we gonna fail a test
40:42we don't take bitch
40:48ain't nobody funnier than this guy
40:52it might look like he don't know what he doing
40:55he be knowing what the fuck he doing
40:57he got us in five wars
41:00at one time
41:02we are at five wars
41:05one time
41:07here's the brilliant part
41:10none of the nations
41:12that we are at war with
41:15none of them
41:16got an army
41:21we just over there bully
41:23shut the fuck up
41:24y'all ain't got no guy
41:25give a fuck about your maple syrup
41:27Canada
41:33if you're a comedian
41:35you ain't never seen nobody funnier than this
41:39and he don't give a fuck
41:41if he already said one thing
41:42he don't mind changing it
41:46when he needs to change it
41:49Trump said
41:50I will absolutely
41:52show you the Epstein file
41:55then they showed him the files
41:57he said
41:57bitch is that my name?
42:00you got me fucked up
42:02you better
42:13ever since
42:14ever since grab her
42:16by the pussy
42:19I thought he could never say anything else
42:24make me put my blunt out
42:28this month
42:30a legend
42:33he said
42:34he spoke with the president
42:37of Puerto Rico
42:41and the Virgin Islands
42:44my whole brain scrambled
42:56sir you are the president
43:00of Puerto Rico
43:02and the Virgin Islands
43:06so the question is
43:08who the fuck was you talking to?
43:13JD Vance was in a corner
43:15this is Puerto Rico
43:16Trump is just funny
43:25he didn't even know who
43:27Bad Bunny was
43:30he said
43:31he said
43:31I don't think
43:32a Hispanic rabbit
43:35should be at the Super Bowl
43:47from the outside looking in
43:51it would seem like
43:52this country should be
43:54this country should be
43:54at its most divided
43:57but I promise you
43:59the reason this is
44:01the greatest country
44:02in the world
44:03is because
44:04we are the United States
44:05of America
44:06heavy on the United
44:08regardless of what we believe
44:12mm-hmm
44:13and the whole thing is
44:16as a family of different colors
44:20we gonna need each other
44:21coming up
44:23they not telling you that shit
44:25you gonna have to depend
44:27on somebody
44:28that don't look like you
44:31yeah
44:31see we are scheduled
44:34to starve to death
44:37lest we work together
44:39for the first time
44:41in 400 years
44:43it's gonna be no Hispanics
44:45in the field
44:48to pick the fruits
44:49and the vegetables
44:51and the crops
44:52that we all eat
44:54and enjoy
44:58so that mean
44:59the next group
45:01got to step up
45:05get in the field
45:08pick these crops
45:12look at black people
45:21I don't speak for all black people
45:23but I do speak for all niggas
45:26niggas ain't never going back
45:28to the field
45:30if Jesus come back
45:31we'll have to explain it to them
45:33get out of there Lord and Savior
45:35we got 400 years of credit out there
45:39we don't even pick fruit grown ups
45:43so that means
45:44for the first time
45:46in 400 years
45:49it's not gonna be no Hispanics
45:52and no blacks
45:54in the field
45:55to pick the fruits and vegetables
45:58that we all enjoy
46:02that means the next group
46:05got to step up
46:08get in them fields
46:11look at my white friends
46:14that's right white friends
46:17that's right white friends
46:19it's your turn
46:21we need you now
46:24come on white friends
46:26you can do this
46:30I want you to get as much sunscreen as you can legally buy
46:39that
46:40we gonna need you to be out there
46:41for 45 minutes
46:42to an hour at a time
46:47we need you white friends
46:50and don't worry
46:51it ain't gonna be fucked up like black slavery
46:55you ain't gonna have to do it by yourself
46:59you ain't gonna have to do it by yourself
46:59we gonna be out there supporting you white friends
47:02giving you words of affirmation
47:05and positive messages
47:08we gonna be playing white negro spirituals
47:16doing a great job Rebecca
47:20put your back into it
47:22there you
47:25can I get some oranges on aisle 26 please?
47:29god damn!
47:33just saying we all gonna need each other
47:38yeah
47:41life is too hard
47:43for us to be divided
47:45I found out
47:47from traveling all across this great nation
47:50a lot of people do some great motherfucking work
47:53they don't get no credit
47:55this whole country is built on the backs of farmers
47:58farmers is our motherfucking lifeblood
48:01the people that got a farm
48:03that you run the fucking country
48:06feeding everybody
48:09that's a hard job
48:11that shit is not easy
48:12I don't give a fuck how much money you got
48:16you ain't ready for that motherfucking farm life
48:18and when I say you
48:20I mean me
48:23I did not know that shit was gangster like that
48:27it's hard as fuck
48:28I hurry up bought a hundred acre farm
48:31got off the grid
48:33then found out what the fuck the grid was
48:37like what the fuck did I get off the grid for bitch
48:41I need the grid
48:43I found out I'm not cut out
48:44for this motherfucking farm life
48:47I bought all the animals that was delicious
48:51a hundred chickens
48:53a hundred turkeys
48:54a hundred ducks
48:55a hundred rabbits
48:56a hundred cows
48:58a hundred sheep
49:01everything that made a crackling
49:03I bought it
49:06I done had this farm for four years
49:09we ain't killed a motherfucking animal yet
49:13I don't know how you do this shit
49:16I'm supposed to eat these
49:18these my friends bitch
49:22I done named them
49:24I talked to them
49:25you want me to eat
49:27hezekiah bitch
49:31then had this farm four years
49:33we still door dashing Popeyes and shit
49:37the chickens cutting off the door dasher
49:46might as well call it puss ass farms
49:49I don't care how delicious they are
49:52they are as cute as they are delicious
49:55if you can kill a baby goat your ass is a monster
49:59that motherfucker don't do nothing but be happy to be alive all day long
50:07I'm crying with mint jelly in my hands
50:13yeah
50:15be easy on yourself
50:18that was my motherfucking point
50:20some shit be easier than you think
50:22I'm lucky cause I don't have to fight
50:24by myself
50:25I got a God that love me
50:29like he
50:30he take care of me
50:32cause he know I'm slow
50:36so he treat me like I'm slow
50:39yeah that works for me
50:41he just be blessing me out of nowhere
50:44I don't know where it's gonna come from or nothing
50:47and it be real miracles
50:50like
50:51like last year
50:53I was doing this thing where I was drinking these exotic teas
50:57every day before a show and after a show
51:00drinking these motherfucking hundred dollar a cup
51:03cups of tea and shit
51:05and put the honey in it
51:07and my friend was like I got some special honey I'm gonna send you
51:10and I was like yes
51:12and I got the special honey
51:13I start putting it in the tea everyday
51:16and I'm feeling stronger and stronger and shit
51:19I'm not knowing what the fuck is happening
51:21and I found out this nigga done sent me
51:24dick hard honey
51:33I didn't know I thought the Lord was really answering my prayers
51:38he has rejuvenated and restored me
51:47because here's the whole thing
51:49this final group
51:51of people in here
51:53nobody never say nothing good about them
51:56but they've been doing a great job too
51:58and I'm part of them
52:00where's all the men in the building make some noise
52:03if you a man
52:05keep up the good work
52:07we know how hard it is
52:09you doing a great motherfucking job
52:11not 19 of you but the rest of you
52:13doing a great job
52:15keep up the good work
52:16for the men in the audience
52:19I'm going to say something
52:21that'll uplift you
52:23cause that rarely happens
52:26they found out something medically
52:28and they don't want to fucking tell y'all
52:30but I'm going to fucking tell y'all
52:33they found out that all the evil men in the world
52:38throughout history
52:40all got one thing in common
52:43they all got a micro penis
52:47all of them
52:48R. Kelly P. Diddy, Jeffrey Dahmer, Hitler
52:53all of them
52:55mmm
52:57yep
52:58and a micro penis
53:00there's any penis
53:02three inches or less
53:04when it's hard
53:07we wondering why these men be so evil
53:11you be evil too if you had a dick the size of a nile later bitch
53:17every time you pull your pants down somebody laugh
53:22even when you alone
53:27so fellas
53:29thank God
53:31you didn't have to walk that
53:34be grateful
53:35you ain't got no motherfucking micro penis
53:41so now
53:43for the fellas I hope
53:45you are just one truth away
53:48from your life shifting
53:50and it can happen
53:52it happened to me
53:52I heard one thing
53:54it changed my life
53:56forever
53:56I heard one truth
53:58and it changed everything
54:00and I'm going to share it with the men in here
54:02so you know it don't just relate to me
54:05it relate to all of us
54:07two women told me
54:10that my dick
54:12was bigger than Shaq's
54:15let me say that again for the people in the back
54:23don't look at it right now
54:24that's embarrassing
54:26two women told me
54:29my dick
54:31was bigger than Shaq's
54:33now it don't matter
54:35if it's true
54:36or not
54:38soon as I heard it
54:41my life changed
54:44like I mean
54:46my spine got strong
54:49my walk was different
54:50I walked like I had Shaq's dick
54:53hold up
54:54won't you be different
54:55be different
54:56yeah
54:56hold up
54:57won't you be different
54:58be different
54:59yeah
54:59hold up
55:00won't you be different
55:01be different
55:04cause now I know my dick
55:07is bigger than Shaq's
55:09now fellas what does that have to do with you?
55:13you know your penis is allegedly probably maybe bigger than my
55:20so what does that mean?
55:22that means all I think
55:29bigger than Shaq's
55:32and now you gotta act like it
55:34cause you heard it
55:37that's right
55:38fellas if God done bless you with a vagina in your life
55:43don't you bring out no regular dick tonight
55:46she gonna be looking
55:49tonight when you come out that bathroom
55:51you come out with Shaq's dick
55:55don't even do no foreplay
55:57just slam dunk on the pussy
55:58she like the way that I move
56:00she like the way that I rock
56:02she like the way that I move
56:04she like the way that I move
56:05she like the black woman
56:06lock in
56:09give me that Shaq dick
56:13and ladies we can't do nothing without y'all
56:16y'all are the center of our universe
56:19we are visual
56:21and you are our only visual
56:25so tonight ladies
56:28when you see him come out that bathroom
56:31you know him
56:34if he come out with Shaq's dick
56:37ladies we gonna need you to be an actress tonight
56:41I need you to act
56:44I don't give a fuck how many times you done seen this vienna sausage
56:51when he present that glizzy tonight
56:56when he show you that hot dog tonight
57:00when he bring out that frankfurter
57:05women I want you to look at it like it's exactly what you ask God for
57:12lock eyes with the penis and say
57:15muster
57:18thank y'all so much my name is Kat Williams
57:20I appreciate y'all
57:23since 1995 it's been an honor thank y'all
57:25but nobody got a good
57:27and I put up on the badge
57:29but anybody got a good
57:30e'er turn his TV off
57:32turn his TV off
57:33turn his TV off
57:34turn his TV off
57:37turn his TV off
57:39any other team that was racking me and shivering
57:42nothing but my sharing
57:43we shot they disappearing
57:44I'm in a city where the flag be getting thrown
57:47like it was pass interference
57:48padlock around the building
57:49crash pulling up in a marked truck
57:51just to play freeze tag
57:52with a bone to pick like it was sea bass
57:53so when I made it out
57:54I made about 50k from a show
57:56tryna show the ropes before they hump from a rope
57:58I'm prophetic
57:59they only talk about it how I get it
58:01only good for saving face
58:03seen the cosmetics
58:04how many heads I gotta take to level my aesthetics
58:06hurry up and get your muscle up
58:07we out to ply metric
58:08ran up by the Luxu Nessa up the highest metric
58:11the city just made it sweet
58:12you could die about it
58:13they mouth get full of deceit
58:14let these cowards tell it
58:15walk in New Orleans
58:16with the etiquette of L.A. Yellin'
58:19MUSTARD!
58:21oh man
58:23zackin' bad
58:23but somebody gotta do it
58:25got my foot up on the gas
58:26but somebody gotta do it
58:27huh
58:27turn his TV off
58:28turn his TV off
58:29huh
58:29turn his TV off
58:30turn his TV off
58:31turn his TV off
58:34turn his TV off
58:35turn their TV off
58:36he's you
58:36he's a man
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