- 3 hours ago
Shameless S05E16 H 264
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00:01It's a kiss this way for the Chatsworth Express
00:04Oi!
00:06Come watch Pikeys making a mess of the lives they were given by him upstairs
00:11And kids there convinced aren't actually theirs
00:15Wicked!
00:16These are what sounds on earth could ever be placed
00:20Kids need your money or wives in your face
00:23Cos this people reckon, and me included, is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented
00:30To calm us all down and stop us going mental
00:33These are Chatsworth Estate
00:36Basic Essentials
00:38We are worth every penny for grinding your axes
00:44Well you sit on our head
00:46But you pay the taxes
00:50Imagine Britain without Chatsworth Buccaneers
00:53Who've come on your face for the price of a beer
00:55Eh?
00:57Make Poverty History Cheaper Drugs Now!
01:02Make Poverty History Cheaper Drugs Now!
01:07Scatter!
01:10Bye!
01:16I've sounded out loads of blokes on this
01:1999% of married men with families have fantasised about said wives and families being killed
01:26Suddenly, instantly, leaving formerly married man free
01:31Single, unencumbered
01:33Harmless dreaming
01:35A necessary outlet
01:38What?
01:38You've got to have a fantasy life
01:41If you didn't have an alternative world where everything went your way and Kate Moss tickled your balls with a
01:47feather
01:47Then you'd only have grim, grey, turges, hopeless, piss-pot reality
01:54And we'd be throwing ourselves off bridges like lemmings
01:57Well, I would
02:00Mandy, can I take Katie to the park?
02:02Third time this week?
02:03Yeah, we have a laugh
02:04Isn't that right, Katie?
02:06Your brill
02:07Going on swings and shit
02:09Watch her
02:10Park's a canine sewer
02:13Go down
02:13That's it
02:14All the way
02:15Go down
02:16So why are you really taking her to the park?
02:18Well, me and Katie are berries
02:20What colour's your hair?
02:22Get off you, Vic
02:23Oh, you don't even know
02:24Blonde
02:25Blonde
02:26Baba's a giant
02:27They've got to induce
02:29You can only gobble so much madras
02:31I'll give them a bell
02:32Can you do it?
02:33Sounds better coming from a bloke
02:35They pay more attention
02:37It's...
02:38It's...
02:39Phones
02:39It's...
02:40It's not...
02:41It's not me, babe
02:41Oh
02:45Don't give me the bug-eyed look
02:46I'm coming to the fucking bullfight
02:48What more do you want?
02:49Don't piss her about
02:50You know you'll go missing
02:53Earthquake!
02:54Third one this week
02:56Rubbish point crap on the Richter scale
02:58World stops on its axis at Dad claiming he'll keep his word
03:01You self-righteous little smart arse
03:04You're not too old to have your bollocks kicked around your head, you know
03:06Think you find I am
03:07Fuck
03:08Fuck
03:08Fuck
03:14It's cold
03:15I didn't know that
03:17You sissy boy
03:18Can't even permanently fucking disfigure me
03:23Yeah?
03:28Never call me Dad again
03:30You're the spawn of the devil
03:31Why do you always bring that up?
03:32Because every day I'm reminded of it by looking at your ugly fucking gob
03:37Hey, if that's a lad
03:39Call it Ian
03:40I always thought that was a good name for one of mine
03:44You're a fucking waste
03:49Cheers for putting a word in Mum
03:50Can call you that, can't I?
04:00Nearly there
04:01Come on boy
04:0220 more pence you can do it
04:05Mmm
04:05Lovely bag
04:07There you go Frank
04:0852p for your coat
04:09Bargain
04:10Most jocular
04:11Shouldn't you be out working towards a safer community?
04:14Day off
04:15Keep this on to scare the shoplifters
04:16There you go
04:18There you go
04:19Another one
04:26Fucking hell
04:27How many more?
04:33What are they all like?
04:34What were that?
04:35Oh yeah
04:36Blitz spirit
04:37People all together as one
04:39As the earth conspires against us by going on short spin cycle
04:43Tsunami from that wouldn't knock a digestive crumb off a cup of tea
04:46Where is the almighty hand of God?
04:49Pointing at you
04:51Shouting thief
04:53What?
04:54How do you know?
04:54He's been left on his own for five seconds
04:56What else would he fucking do?
04:59Fucking hell
04:59What are you?
05:00Waste
05:01Well that would appear to be the received opinion
05:04It is our duty to oppose it
05:10Pays for them
05:20Oh
05:23Oh
05:23Oh
05:27Oh
05:28Oh
05:28Oh
05:28Oh
05:28Oh
05:29Oh
05:29Yeah it's great that Kate yeah
05:31Oh
05:31Oh
05:35Is there anything I can do?
05:37Could you give us a foot massage?
05:40I meant a cup of tea or whatever
05:43For Christ's sake, not for long.
05:49You've had all of us, you're gonna have another,
05:51and I feel like the fucking parent. How's that?
05:53It's gonna be me that makes it up with Dad, if we do.
05:57Who looks after me?
06:00Shouldn't it be you?
06:01Look, we all make mistakes.
06:05I've done my best.
06:07Your best is shit.
06:10Get off!
06:21Sorry, Frank. You have to go outside. Smoking bang.
06:25We dozed him as long as we could, but the twats are onto us.
06:28The pub's been burnt down. What harm can I do?
06:31Get us a big fine. Put us out of business. We've been shot.
06:35Get yourself fucking ease.
06:37Nobody ever dies of secondary tripping.
06:40I'm the only tosser here.
06:44No, I say no. Someone's gotta make a stand.
06:47Custer, Davy Crockett, kid with his dick in the dike.
06:51Add Frank Gallagher to that list.
06:53I will not be cowed.
06:56Moo.
07:00Oh, what the...
07:03Oh.
07:06Oh, my God, you bust.
07:13Shit. The bastard will sue our tits off.
07:20Is it on its way?
07:21Well, a gallon of water breaking out the fanny is a definite sign.
07:24Don't say fanny.
07:26Debbie, forget the drill. Go and grab your dad and tell him Baba's imminent.
07:29I'll go. It's better if Debbie stays.
07:31No, Debbie go.
07:33Fuck.
07:33She's too young.
07:35That is my decision as a parent.
07:38See? I do make them.
07:41That'd be great.
07:44Fuck.
07:46We were gonna call. Your dad's had a fall. Just a bit of a bum.
07:49How?
07:50Happened out here.
07:52Dad?
07:53Are you gonna be all right?
07:54Let's just get him to hold some gum first.
08:11Keep old, Keita. Keita, keep old.
08:15All right, Kyle.
08:16Hello, Keita.
08:19Do you reckon?
08:24Fucking hell.
08:26Been there.
08:27I was hoping you'd be here.
08:29How's that pretty girl?
08:30Hey.
08:31Oh, you're welcome dad bringing her away all the time.
08:37Any news on her mum?
08:39Nah, she's still missing.
08:41No.
08:44Hello, darling.
08:45Hmm.
08:50Oi. I'm trying to watch this.
08:52I want to talk.
08:54Here we go. You're gonna dump us.
08:56No, I'm not.
08:58Well, why'd you say that?
09:00Do you not think we're solid then?
09:02Yeah, of course I do.
09:04I just think that you're gonna dump her sometimes.
09:08I don't know. What do you want to talk about?
09:11Doesn't matter.
09:12Come on.
09:13Another brew.
09:21I know what you've done for our Shane and I'm grateful.
09:23He's a different boy, he needed to grow up.
09:25But when you do move on, don't just disappear, speak to him first.
09:30What?
09:32Why am I about to flip?
09:34Because we know you better than you do.
09:40Alright, in a minute.
09:43You alright?
09:44I've gotta go.
09:45My daddy's on the way to hospital.
09:47Shit gator.
09:49I'll look after her.
09:51If you want, I'll give you me a dress.
09:57Yeah, okay.
10:03There you go.
10:05Cheers, Bender.
10:06Saved my life.
10:11Come on, Katie.
10:16Thirty minutes from entry desk to bed.
10:18Only beating our own record.
10:20What's wrong with him?
10:21He's in a coma.
10:22How long for?
10:24Comer is as Comer does.
10:26An hour.
10:27Years.
10:30Probably not years.
10:31Give him a few hours, we'll dob him through x-ray.
10:33You really a doctor?
10:35Of course.
10:35Why?
10:36They're either foreign or posh.
10:38I am posh.
10:39Awesome.
10:41My mum's gone into labour.
10:43Should we tell her about him?
10:44Never give bad news to a woman in the throes.
10:46I learnt that from my ex.
10:47Hey?
10:50Suit yourself.
10:51How is he?
10:52He's still unconscious.
10:53There must be stuff we can do.
10:55Comer crap.
10:56Talk to him.
10:58Surround him with objects that he likes.
11:00You never know no, till you give it a go-go.
11:04Dr. Dickhead.
11:05Debbie, do you need me here?
11:07Why?
11:07I panicked till I left Katie on the park with a girl.
11:09What?
11:10Who?
11:10Binder.
11:11You stupid cock.
11:12Go and get her.
11:23Oh.
11:25Hiya.
11:25Doctor says not to tell mum.
11:27Why not?
11:27Because she'll go mental.
11:29Are you coming?
11:30I can't.
11:30She's gonna drop.
11:31Well, I'm staying here till he wakes up.
11:34Put the phone to his ear.
11:36Close.
11:38Right, Dad.
11:39I mean, Frank.
11:41What do I say?
11:42Wake up.
11:43I'm going to go mental.
11:44I could say that any day of the week won't make no difference then either.
11:48We don't get on.
11:49I'm not what you want in a son.
11:51I'm not your son.
11:52And you're not my dad.
11:55Oh.
11:56Mum's in labour.
11:58If it's yours.
12:00Have they found him yet?
12:03No.
12:09Shit.
12:24Look see there.
12:26That's nothing, my dear.
12:28They'll be back with us before you know it.
12:32Binder.
12:32About.
12:33So high.
12:34She's quite a fit.
12:35About medium to large.
12:37Pop around it.
12:38Just the internet.
12:39What does her face look like?
12:42She's...
12:43Yolte, I've been there all the day.
12:46Sort of average looking.
12:47No, sorry mate.
12:49Ain't got a clue.
12:51But it's so fucking fantastic.
12:53Someone's got to remember them.
12:55Come on lads.
13:00What are they?
13:01They stay to round them with stuff he likes.
13:03Can't think of anything else.
13:04Where'd you get them?
13:04They're having your reception.
13:08Oh, my dear.
13:08What do we do?
13:11Wait.
13:14Harder!
13:15My son's a murder.
13:17Well there'll be murder if you stop.
13:18Can you ring Debbie again?
13:20What's the point?
13:21He's not gonna come.
13:22He lets everyone down.
13:24I accept that.
13:25Give birth.
13:26No, he said he'd be here and he will be here.
13:29Ooh.
13:31Ooh.
13:32Do you think I'm still the youngest?
13:36Mum's had loads of kids.
13:37She'll probably drop another in her sleep.
13:41He needs us here.
13:43I'm staying.
13:44So am I then.
13:45Why do girls wear makeup and perfume?
13:48Cos they're ugly and they smell?
13:52Do you want some?
13:54Erm.
13:55He's bleeding again.
13:57He's gonna have all sorts of involuntary actions.
13:59You know, smiling and that.
14:01But we're just to ignore him unless his eyes open.
14:04What do we talk to him about?
14:06Tell him stuff about the family.
14:07What do you talk about normally?
14:09I never talk to him normally.
14:12Right.
14:12Here's your chance.
14:15Dad.
14:16Every night when he thinks I'm sleeping, Carla's a wank.
14:19Is that normal?
14:20Oh, he's gonna wake up now.
14:25Oh.
14:27Midwife should be here by now.
14:29Maybe she got held up or something.
14:36How long will it be?
14:37Well, how should I know?
14:39Don't we time the contractions?
14:41You know so much about it.
14:42Why don't you deliver it?
14:43Let's go somewhere with white coats and machinery that beeps.
14:47Anyway, it's not like you're gonna get turned on, is it?
14:50You're my mum.
14:51Yeah.
14:52I'm a woman.
14:54I've known you that way since you were six.
14:56You know I'm gay?
14:57That's what I said.
14:58You didn't say that.
14:59Why didn't you mention it?
15:00It's none of my business.
15:02Anyway, you didn't feel need to share.
15:04So why should I?
15:06It's starting again.
15:07Can you rub up that for me?
15:09Oh.
15:10Katie and Cal back?
15:12No.
15:13What is he called?
15:14He's not answering his Moby.
15:15I don't know where he is.
15:16We're pretty busy here, Mandy.
15:29Is he a nurse or a doctor?
15:32Nurse.
15:33They're just chatting.
15:34If he was a doctor, he'd be crawling up his arse.
15:38I'd never be a male nurse.
15:41Why not?
15:42It's not gay.
15:44I know it isn't, but you spend all day shaving men's pubes off.
15:49Who told you that?
15:50Gary on reception.
15:54I can't find her.
15:55The address Bindi gave us, it's a wreck.
15:57No one lives there.
15:59What am I gonna do?
16:00I've bloody lost Kate her.
16:01Mandy's gonna wass off her scale.
16:02Shut up.
16:04Right, this girl, what do you know about her?
16:06Nothing.
16:07Her name, Bindi.
16:09What does she look like?
16:11She's sort of...
16:15I'm rubbish at descriptions.
16:16She's just normal.
16:18She stole a kid.
16:19Could be a mistake.
16:20She'd give you a false address.
16:22Do you think she'll hurt her?
16:24I don't think so.
16:26She seems to really love kids.
16:28In a good way.
16:30I'll ring Tom.
16:32But you're gonna have to tell Mandy.
16:33She'll kill me.
16:34Yeah, you deserve it.
16:38Yeah, I'll wipe it off.
16:50Where is she?
16:53What does she look like?
16:59Enemy's on a month.
17:01Pink top.
17:02She's got a pink top.
17:04Every girl in ten miles is wearing a fucking pink top.
17:07What if she's changed her clothes?
17:09Oh, fuck it.
17:09Let's do it.
17:10I'm the only one who'll recognise her.
17:11You don't know fuck.
17:12Well, if I see her.
17:13He's been hurt.
17:14I'll kill him.
17:15I don't think she'd hurt her.
17:16She really liked her.
17:18Somebody's gonna took her in the first place.
17:19You used Arcadia's bit.
17:22Maguire?
17:26Okay.
17:26We'll take over.
17:27Police matter.
17:28We didn't call you.
17:29It's a Maguire matter.
17:29I'll drive him round.
17:31See if we can find her.
17:32Come on.
17:33Come with us, Carl.
17:34What are we doing?
17:35Fucking get out of luck here.
17:36Move.
17:37Spin up.
17:37Call everybody you know.
17:38Go!
17:41Call me alone.
17:44Oh, close.
17:47Was that?
17:47That was Matt.
17:48That was Matt.
17:48Mine.
17:48Oh, that was cheap.
17:50So amazing.
17:50Mine.
17:50Mine did.
17:51Mine.
17:52Shit.
17:53What?
17:56What?
17:56That noise.
17:58What?
17:59Just stopped his heart.
18:05We've killed him.
18:08No!
18:08Yes!
18:10Yes!
18:11Yes!
18:15Come on.
18:15Don't do this to me.
18:16Clear!
18:17Come on.
18:18Torture me.
18:18Torture me.
18:19Come on.
18:19Clear!
18:24Sorry, lovies.
18:25Give you a scare.
18:27No harm done.
18:29Always falling off.
18:34What do you do with them?
18:35Nothing.
18:39Can you smell burning?
18:41No.
18:45Is that her there?
18:47I don't know.
18:49You've got to do better than this car.
18:51Please.
18:52She's got Katie.
18:53I've got like a mental block.
18:55You're not helping yourself here.
18:57The fuck off you.
18:58Is something you're a pedo?
18:59Carl!
19:00You ever heard the phrase police brutality?
19:04Is this normal?
19:06No.
19:06No.
19:06As far as I can remember, I think I've blotted most of it out.
19:10I'm not surprised.
19:12Horror show.
19:13Oh.
19:14Oof.
19:16How did you know?
19:18I better than knew myself.
19:20There was something different about you.
19:23You weren't like lip old bustle and breakages.
19:26You were...
19:26Don't say sensitive.
19:28No.
19:28Not just that.
19:31I am your mother.
19:33I did think about you and...
19:35how you'd be.
19:37I did.
19:39I'm surprised you haven't moved on.
19:41Might never live in a family again.
19:45Oh.
19:47Oh.
19:47Here comes another one.
19:49They must have sent another midwife by now.
19:52Get out of me.
19:59Can't find them.
20:00No one's coming.
20:01We're on our own.
20:02Please.
20:03Let's go to the hospital.
20:04No, not till Frank gets here.
20:06I want to do it proper this time.
20:08I want both parents there.
20:10I want a real start for the baby.
20:20Is that an involuntary reaction?
20:22Probably claim that.
20:30Is it gone?
20:31You look.
20:31You're the oldest.
20:32You're gonna be a bloke.
20:33You look.
20:34Safe.
20:38Not around this after.
20:40Eh?
20:41Things to do.
20:42Are you alright, love?
20:43Do you need a friend, do you?
20:45Knows out, Lillian.
20:54Are you helping?
20:55What?
20:56Looking for Katie.
20:57Who?
20:59Her Mandy's baby.
21:00Mandy's got a baby?
21:01Yes.
21:02You've seen her loads of times.
21:04What's happened?
21:05Some girls on off with her.
21:07Fuck.
21:08That's fucking well sick.
21:09What are you doing anyway?
21:11I thought he was on a double sift.
21:12Do you pay a checkup?
21:13I've got all the time sparing you the full facts.
21:16I've got to go.
21:17I'll see you in a bit.
21:24Want a glass of water?
21:25And that's it?
21:26Gone?
21:27You can come back for a checkup afterwards.
21:29If you want.
21:30You always this helpful.
21:32Or are you especially keen to make sure I don't drop one?
21:35We treat everyone the same.
21:38It's your decision.
21:45How long can this go on for?
21:47Oh, fucking days.
21:50Days?
21:50Piss off.
21:52I'm knackered.
21:52It must be ready to come out.
21:54Yeah, it is.
21:56I'm holding it in.
21:58What?
21:58I meant it.
21:59It's not coming out till Frank's here.
22:02Ooh.
22:03He's in a coma.
22:04In hospital.
22:07Well, why didn't you fucking tell me?
22:10The doctor said not to.
22:12Oh, get me fucking bag.
22:15Oh!
22:19I...
22:20I...
22:21With my...
22:21Yeah, we're not that desperate.
22:23Coming through!
22:25What is it?
22:26We have to tell her.
22:27She won't give birth till she got here.
22:28What?
22:28I can...
22:29What?
22:29Oh, me neither.
22:30It's down to me again.
22:31Get on those!
22:32Oh, do you think you could wake up for the birth?
22:34Look at the useless asshole.
22:35He's out for the fucking count.
22:36Don't talk about your dad like that!
22:38He's not my dad.
22:39Oh!
22:40Oh!
22:41Oh!
22:42Oh!
22:43Oh!
22:45Oh!
22:46Oh!
22:47Oh!
22:49Oh!
22:50You're awake!
22:51About fucking time, mate!
22:54Wreck-a-roo.
22:57Hey, what's with the city boy's stride, then?
22:59Fucking belting opportunity, mate.
23:01Look's in, daddy-o.
23:02With your son by your side, we're gonna rock the world.
23:06Room in the trough for all the little pigs.
23:08We need a chat once you've finished malingering.
23:13Five minutes hour and hour.
23:15Then we teleport.
23:17Ready for your injection, nurse?
23:26He's coming back!
23:27Mum, you're doing great!
23:28Babe, he's coming!
23:28He's breathing!
23:28Mum, look-
23:33Now then, now then.
23:35How was about?
23:36How was about concentrating on the main event?
23:38Me.
23:40Later.
23:43Like a dog with two fucking dicks.
23:46Do you know what you're looking at apart from a fucking handsome devil?
23:49Shot me to my bones.
23:50Behold, Svengali.
23:52A showbiz entrepreneur.
23:54I used to be felt the small acts, promote them in clubs.
23:56Screw the girls.
23:58Take all the money and flog them on.
24:00Fucking licence to print, mate.
24:01I'm wedged.
24:02Flower, dad.
24:03Oh.
24:04Thanks, Lola, lovely.
24:05Fighting fit.
24:06Back to the best of meself, Lola.
24:08The very best.
24:09That's the fucking spirit out, dad.
24:12You did it any harder.
24:14Jesus.
24:15Straight off me deathbed here.
24:18Daddy's home.
24:23What's with the blankets?
24:24I'm sorry, Frank.
24:26I've gone all inside and outside again.
24:28Jesus Christ, Sheila Monica.
24:30I told you, you've got to stop it, babe.
24:32I've run out of special pills.
24:35She's cooked for you.
24:36I've tried it.
24:37Or some bloody gorgeous pie.
24:40Melty mega.
24:41Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:42I've done your ironing for you, love.
24:43It's a tonic to see all my girls lined up.
24:46Got any socks that I need mending?
24:47Or I could wash your hair.
24:49Give the man some space, being in a coma.
24:52If that's not the fucking definition of deserving a pint, I don't know what is.
24:57Can I come?
24:58Sorry, mate.
24:59Still only got one arm.
25:00It's all that wanking, I warned you.
25:02He's worth an arm.
25:04Aww.
25:05No.
25:07Bye.
25:08Bye.
25:08I love you.
25:09Bye.
25:10Come on, that's too busy.
25:10Bye, dad.
25:11Love you.
25:12Bye.
25:18Filled an hole?
25:22Scratching itch?
25:27It's no fucking round.
25:28You're the best.
25:30Half from your dad, of course.
25:32Oh, thanks for that, Karen.
25:33It's always nice to be remembered.
25:38So what do you say?
25:41What?
25:41To me being your manager.
25:43Managing what?
25:44You really don't know.
25:45What?
25:46You're a talented guy.
25:48With my help, sky's the fucking minimum.
25:50Infinity's the limit.
25:51Pads!
25:54Who is the funniest guy you have ever seen or met?
25:58I've seen Les Dawson, Tybee, Fat Bernard, Creepy Daddy, the lot.
26:03Funniest man I've ever met.
26:04Frank.
26:07Me?
26:07Without a doubt.
26:08Frank Gallagher.
26:09You crack me.
26:10Cheers, Pads.
26:11On your way.
26:13I'm funny.
26:14All you need to do is get up on stage and rant like a bastard.
26:17Try it out here.
26:18Talent night tonight.
26:24Thank you, Josh.
26:25But now you've been a lot of more than you have.
26:37Do you believe me now?
26:38I do.
26:39I do.
26:39That was the moment I've been waiting for.
26:42I am finally born.
26:47That's what it feels like.
26:48Like I've been born.
26:49Perspective, mate.
26:50Don't blow it out your ass just yet.
26:52It's only the jockey.
26:54Do we have a deal?
26:59We do.
27:00I'm gonna be a fucking star.
27:05Finally, recognition.
27:08Yeah.
27:12It's all down to you, son.
27:17Keep pushing, Mum.
27:18I can see his head.
27:20Keep pushing.
27:21You're doing well.
27:21He's coming.
27:22You're doing great.
27:22One last push, Mum.
27:23Keep going now.
27:24You've gone slow, haven't you?
27:25They get away from you on the box.
27:28Yeah, they're making a documentary about you down there.
27:30Thought he were clever, Bruno, but a thieving pikey twat.
27:34Well, he smoked his own weight every week, so what can you do, eh?
27:38Despite the booze, the fags, the drugs, he does have surprisingly sweet breath.
27:45For years, he's pretended I'm a man in drag.
27:48Bloss it here, I reckon.
27:49Calls me Bob's selector.
27:51Still, I bet them Phil's selector.
27:55Day 88 in the house.
27:57Elton's having a difficult one, though.
27:59You know, he's a bit down.
28:01And do you think that could have anything to do with the fact you call him a fat, bald
28:03gear lord?
28:08And let's see how funny he fares in his tough fucker trail.
28:15Oh!
28:22Dusty, that's a dobley stare down.
28:30This is where history began.
28:32Talent night here.
28:33Fuck!
28:35Pissed it.
28:36Acting all...
28:37Oh, shit-faced.
28:39It's hard in here is I don't drink that much.
28:41You know, it's an act.
28:42It's a...
28:43You know, it's a kind of persona.
28:45You've been very generous in attributing a large portion of your success to your son, Ian.
28:48Hmm.
28:49I believe you said half of your earnings over to him.
28:52Oh, sorry.
28:52Can't talk about that.
28:54Oh, alright.
28:56That's good then.
28:57Big news, daddy-o.
28:59What?
28:59Another triumph?
29:01I could get bored of them.
29:02Too fuckity fuckities.
29:04Adam Sandler's dropped out some shit film, and they want you.
29:07Hollywood?
29:08Exactamondo.
29:10Globalisation.
29:11Everything we've ever hated is ours.
29:14You're fucking...
29:16Starbucks and McDonald's wrapped in a stream of pissed bollocks.
29:20I'm...
29:21A franchise.
29:22A franchise!
29:25Me and a line of sons reaching round the world.
29:29My loins!
29:31Success!
29:34God, I've got a good one and I got you!
29:39What's that?
29:40I've rescued the little baby puppet.
29:42What the fuck for?
29:43For us.
29:44But we can't take it to America, because he's scared of flying, too.
29:48Oh.
29:49I need ya!
29:51Oh, Monica needs ya!
29:53Choose the real thing.
29:54Nearly there!
29:55Hold it, Frank.
29:56He's real.
29:56Choose the real thing.
29:58It isn't a choice.
29:59He signed this.
30:00I need you.
30:01I need you.
30:01Nearly there.
30:01He's real.
30:02I'm everything you wished for.
30:05Fire!
30:06That's a copy.
30:08What?
30:09You owe me money, Frank.
30:10Gotta pay!
30:15I did say I was a handsome devil.
30:24But...
30:25But I'm your father!
30:27I made ya!
30:28Not strictly.
30:29True.
30:31No blood.
30:32As you're never fucking tired of reminding me.
30:35Choose us, Frank!
30:37Take the puppy!
30:38Take it!
30:38Don't touch the puppy, Frank!
30:41Don't touch it!
30:42Don't touch the puppy!
30:43Don't touch the puppy!
30:48He's awake.
30:50Oh!
30:52What's this?
30:56Mm-mm!
30:59Mm-mm!
31:00Where's it's tail?
31:03He hasn't got a tail, it's a little girl.
31:06Oh, another one.
31:12You all right?
31:16I'm glad you were there.
31:20Did I faint?
31:23It weren't too bad.
31:24She's lying. It's fucking horrible.
31:27She did really well.
31:30Ian was here for me.
31:33Why don't you say hello to your little siss, Ian?
31:58Two hours! Two hours! What if they're not found?
32:01Stop. Look at what we know.
32:05It's a woman, that's gotta be good news.
32:07She likes Katie. She met her a few times.
32:10Carl trusted her.
32:12Even he's not stupid enough.
32:14He'd leave her with a proper fucking head case.
32:17You let him take her out.
32:19So it's my fault?
32:21No!
32:23You left Katie with him.
32:26So he can't be that untrustworthy.
32:28She will be found.
32:42You got a light, love?
32:44Yeah. Somewhere.
32:49Here you go.
32:55Cheers.
32:56Cheers.
32:59How old is she?
33:01Er, three.
33:03What's your name, sweetie?
33:04She's called Gemma.
33:06I don't really like people smoking around her.
33:09Yeah.
33:10Yeah, well.
33:10Apparently it's bad for ya.
33:21Katie.
33:26She's massive.
33:28She looks about three months old.
33:30Can you go get your mum, Debbie?
33:33I was gonna get off.
33:34Can't let him do it.
33:36What, are you leaving your old dad?
33:38I've seen Tom.
33:39I'll get her.
33:45What are you gonna call her?
33:47Stella.
33:49Good name.
33:51Pretty.
33:53Why don't you call her Tenance Purple or Thunderbird?
33:56Fuck's sake.
33:57Not the beer.
33:58Jesus, I'm not that fucking deranged.
34:02Stella for star.
34:05Our little star.
34:16What's that for?
34:17Thanks for looking after you, Mum.
34:19It's appreciated.
34:24You're a good son.
34:30Sometimes I look at you and Mum,
34:32and I can see how you very nearly work.
34:35Bugger me, I fucking can't.
34:43Have you stopped?
34:46You can't even fucking look after her.
34:48Look at the stage, she's filthy.
34:51I just thought I could be a mum to her.
34:53Since I was run off.
34:54She hasn't run off?
34:56She's desperate.
34:59She really looks like my little sister.
35:01Don't tell me.
35:02She died in a terrible fucking accident.
35:05We had a fire.
35:12Is that true?
35:13Or are you just some fucking nook?
35:15Of course it's true.
35:17Some sister.
35:19I didn't know what to do.
35:23At the time, I wasn't thinking.
35:24I just...
35:25I wrote our old address down without thinking.
35:30And then...
35:31I'm sorry.
35:35I don't want you to drop your load, but...
35:38Earth Omni are well fucking creative when it comes to revenge.
35:42Get help.
35:43And get it a long way from here.
35:45I will.
35:50Quite nice really, isn't she?
35:53Girl didn't mean anyhow.
35:55I don't think.
35:58Katie!
35:59Is she alright?
36:01She's...
36:02Did you see the girl?
36:03Bindi?
36:04Yeah.
36:04Can you give us a description?
36:05Can do better than that.
36:08Got a votey.
36:11Coral, take a look.
36:12That her?
36:15You haven't got one with a bit more of her in, have you?
36:17Like what?
36:20More...
36:20upper body.
36:25Fuck it.
36:25That's her defo.
36:31Thank...
36:31God.
36:32And Kelly.
36:34Some terrible things have been said about this girl.
36:36Yeah, mainly by you.
36:37Shut up, dickless.
36:39And I'm sorry,
36:40but that's behind us now.
36:42This house will always be grateful
36:44and always have a welcome for you.
36:46Ta.
36:47Ta.
36:49So what do we do with Cal?
36:51We don't do anything to him.
36:52We've got her back now and that's all that matters.
36:53No, I meant, what do we do with him?
36:56Do we leave him there?
36:58I'm gonna be sick!
37:03Can't fucking leave me there!
37:07Help!
37:09Help!
37:15How about check-up?
37:16What?
37:17You went to the doctors?
37:19Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
37:21Bollocks.
37:22What are you lying for?
37:24What?
37:25Tell me.
37:31I was arranging an abortion.
37:33You can do it with the pill now.
37:35Is it mine?
37:36Well, your only man I've been careless with.
37:39I haven't had any accidents with anyone else.
37:40Is it mine?
37:41This is fucking yours.
37:46Did you take it?
37:50No, not yet.
37:53Good.
37:54Fucking hell, Kelly.
37:55We've got a tradition, a family tradition.
37:58Maguire's.
37:58You knock a girl up
38:00and you stick by her.
38:02No matter what.
38:02What?
38:07Kelly.
38:08You're a...
38:11a wave
38:12washed over me all life.
38:16You made it worth something.
38:19Look at you.
38:22James?
38:23Shut up.
38:24I'll do anything for you.
38:27I worship you.
38:31I love you.
38:33I want us to have this baby.
38:38You're not alright, are you?
38:40Oh, that's bare.
38:42Full house.
38:42Beginning to think it was empty round here.
38:45Has it done anything yet?
38:46Yeah, yeah.
38:47She's, er, give us a tip on a horse
38:48and invite us round to the pub to wet her head.
38:51Yeah.
38:52Joke.
38:52You know, you may not realise, but your daddy's a funny guy.
38:55Yeah, why?
38:56Yeah.
38:57Go on then.
38:58Gather round.
39:00And say hello.
39:03Just Stella.
39:05Eanna.
39:07Gallagher.
39:08Eanna?
39:14Hmm.
39:15Alright, who wants to hold her?
39:16Me.
39:16Okay.
39:22Good girl.
39:25Where you are?
39:26Get changed.
39:26Can't go to the pub like this, can I?
39:28Get my jacket in there.
39:29You're dumping her on us already?
39:31Quick, come back!
39:39No.
39:45Mum.
39:46Dad.
39:47I want the chills.
39:50Oh!
39:52That'll be the making of you.
39:55I'm delighted.
39:58Did you hear that?
39:59Pregnant.
40:00That's all you do with.
40:02I'd be proud to be the grandfather of your child.
40:04And what about the prozzy stuff?
40:06What prozzy stuff?
40:07And the drugs.
40:08Shit!
40:09What drugs?
40:11Is there a Maguire tradition if you knock a girl up?
40:15There is.
40:17Never give your real name.
40:29You fucking romantic bastard.
40:32Drinks!
40:33A celebration!
40:34Hey!
40:35We've had another little one.
40:37Is there anything you wouldn't use to get a free drink?
40:39I've had a bang on the head!
40:42Drinks run the house tonight, Frank.
40:44First round!
40:45That'll do.
40:46Who's had it?
40:47What's where you're fucking going?
40:49I'm Kelly fucking Maguire.
40:51Nearly.
40:51Good evening!
40:52Oh, fucking hell!
40:55Good evening, Shotsworth.
40:57Yeah.
40:58As some of you may already know,
41:00we have become a father again.
41:05Little Stella is over there with the rest of my wonderful family.
41:10Liam and Debbie and Kyle.
41:13And Ian.
41:17And my wife, Monica.
41:19I could not be prouder!
41:21Aw.
41:23And I would like to take this opportunity of giving you my impersonation of Stephen Hawking in the bath.
41:30Oh my god.
41:31Oh my god, honey.
41:32You're my god!
41:34Yeah.
41:34I got it.
41:35Thank you so much for waiting.
41:37I got it.
41:37He's on the back.
41:37I got it.
41:38Oh, I got it.
41:39Don't mock that man.
41:40He's a fucking hero.
41:41Off the road.
41:43Bollocks.
41:45Party!
41:47Yeah?
41:48They call Stella!
41:50Stella.
41:53Cheers.
41:54Dad?
41:57Dick.
42:00Dick?
42:01Oh, yeah. Cheers.
42:03All this nature versus the other buggers, shite.
42:05Bollocks.
42:06Comes down to it, you know you're a parent
42:08if you're being abused and you don't mind.
42:11Say anything, say the un-fucking-sayable
42:13then carry on like sod all zap.
42:15That's family.
42:17I'm Frank Gallagher
42:19and I'm a fucking dick.
42:21The colours of the
42:23rainbow
42:25so pretty in the sky
42:27are there on the
42:29faces of people
42:31going by. I see
42:33friends shaking hands
42:35saying, how do you
42:37do?
42:39Daddy, we say
42:42the
42:43babies crying
42:44I watch them grow
42:47they
42:49learn much more
42:51than I
42:53ever know
42:54Frank, put that out.
42:55Come on Liam, time for your battle.
42:59And I think
43:00to myself
43:04What a wonderful world
43:13Yes, I think to myself
43:20What a wonderful world
43:33world
43:34world
44:01Very good iPhone, won't you, mate?
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