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High Hoops - Season 2 - Episode 04: The Two Queens Zone Engsub
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Short filmTranscript
00:00MUSIC
00:18Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop!
00:22OK, so this might take a bit of explaining.
00:25CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:31But it's going to have to be quick.
00:33CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:36Sorry about this.
00:39Here comes the rewind.
00:45So me and Jess are currently having a free throw comp.
00:48Just a bit of fun that I absolutely must win.
00:55Yes!
00:57Oh, yeah.
00:59That's five all, Aoife. Next one to miss, loses.
01:02State the obvious much?
01:04Yes, I do, Nyla.
01:06Now I'm going to score.
01:10Now Aoife will miss and lose the bet we made.
01:13Aoife?
01:16What bet?
01:19How about whichever team loses has to change their team's name to The Losers for a whole week?
01:25Hmm.
01:28Hurry up and lose, Mipha.
01:30Like I'm going to miss.
01:44Oof!
01:50So now everyone's calling us The Losers, and there's nothing we can do about it?
01:55You kids exaggerate a billion times a day. I'm sure it's not everyone.
02:00Losers! Losers! Losers! Losers! Losers! Losers! Losers!
02:07At least it's just for a week.
02:10But what if it sticks?
02:12It took ages for the Vipers to put respect on our names.
02:15And now it's gone.
02:16Thanks to Jessica.
02:18And me, I suppose.
02:21But I just need to smash this loser tag.
02:24This Jessica and these eggs.
02:27If it's a fight you're after, we've got a battle re-enactment as part of Interactive History Week.
02:32No, thanks. Sounds well weird.
02:34There is nothing weird about playing a historical character in full costume to educate your fellow students.
02:41It's like you can't see himself.
02:43Your brother is using his big history brain to play the Queen's special little advisor.
02:49Just special advisor, Mum. Stop adding little.
02:52The lads think it sounds daft, but they'll change their tune when they see my Venetian breeches.
02:58Think I'll wear my own breeches, thank you.
03:01I'm awesome being myself.
03:03Yourself?
03:04You mean a loser!
03:08Sign up, will you, love?
03:11Not many people have and Jim's nervous because Mr Holt's on holiday and left him in charge.
03:16You'll be the boss of everyone if you play Queen Victoria.
03:18Victoria? Jim, this whole week's about Queen Elizabeth the First.
03:23Who's he?
03:24Oh no. Conor Lecturing coming.
03:27Elizabeth the First ruled over this country's golden age.
03:30She inspired my sweet threads, revitalised art and literature.
03:35Her ships defeated the mighty Spanish Armada in an epic battle.
03:39This could go on for a while.
03:41She kept her own cousin, Mary Queen of Scots, prisoner for 18 years.
03:46Which seems harsh, but family can be annoying.
03:50Rude.
03:53But she does sound like a legend.
03:56And this boaty battle thingy, that's on Friday, yeah?
04:00Thursday, Jim.
04:02We're recreating Queen Elizabeth's epic victory on the playing fields.
04:07So this Queen Elizabeth person gets to be Conor's boss, have their own captive,
04:12and win a battle in front of the entire school?
04:15Hmm.
04:16The Vipers are winners! Say it!
04:18Queen Elizabeth's, Queen Elizabeth's, Queen Elizabeth's, Queen Elizabeth's, Queen Elizabeth's, Queen Elizabeth's, Queen Elizabeth's, Queen Elizabeth's, Queen Elizabeth's.
04:29Sign me up, Jim. I'm playing a queen!
04:35Which queen was that again?
04:37You know, what Conor said, the prison one with the cousin?
04:42Oh and make sure there's a jail cell and that Jessica plays the other cousin.
04:48Oh, for cozone. Right.
04:50Hmm.
05:00I can play that thing with my nose, you know.
05:03That's gross.
05:04The Queen commands the following students take part in History Week.
05:08Please not clangour, please not clangour, please not clangour, please not clangour.
05:11Clangour.
05:11What is it, please?
05:13And Ben.
05:15Everyone wants a bit of Ben.
05:21I thought we'd be happy I got you out of lessons.
05:23Not when you have us pushing and act, you'll pretend well.
05:25Which I notice you're not doing.
05:28William Cecil doesn't do manual labour.
05:31Who?
05:32My incredibly high achieving character.
05:35Let's just pretend.
05:36Not this week it's not.
05:38The whole point of interactive learning is living like it's real.
05:41Don't you want to win the battle for your Queen?
05:44To recreate the sights, the sounds, the smells.
05:48Smells?
05:49Oh, and that job.
05:51Smells isn't a job clangour.
05:53Revise Queenie to make it one then.
05:55Oh, make us king while you're at it.
05:57She didn't have a king.
05:59Well, Prince then.
06:00My hair's too good to be anything less.
06:04If I do this, you two take part.
06:08And admit that history and, by association, me, are very cool.
06:16I'm taking that as a yes.
06:20Ta-da!
06:23Bow before your Queen.
06:25First job, bowing lessons for everyone.
06:27I've been called a loser 15 times today.
06:31Twice by teachers.
06:32All thanks to you.
06:34Thanks to your majesty.
06:36Actually.
06:37Aoife, your stupid bet could mean we're known as the losers forever.
06:41We won't.
06:42Watch this.
06:43Bye!
06:45Your Queen requires fizzy drinks.
06:52That was impressive.
06:55That's nothing.
06:56Chair girl.
06:58I wish to sit down.
07:01I forgot.
07:02I sent chair girl to go get more chairs.
07:04My point is, everyone has to do what the Queen says this week.
07:09Ultimate girl boss.
07:10Exactly.
07:10So when I, and my royal teamies, win the battle, it'll be like the loser thing never even happened.
07:17In a way, we'll all be Queens.
07:21Yes, Queen.
07:23But only me, though.
07:25Technically.
07:28So, what do we do then?
07:30I'm so glad she asked.
07:34Nyla, with your no-nonsense toughness, your Queen commands you to be chief jailer and executioner.
07:45One jail, your majesty.
07:47Where's my executioner's weapons?
07:49Weapons.
07:49Weapons.
07:50Weapons.
07:50Weapons.
07:51Weapons.
07:52A toilet brush.
07:53You do have an axe, but I lost it.
07:55I'll find it.
07:56Don't brush me.
07:58And, cha, your wicked style makes you a perfect lady-in-waiting.
08:03This dress would look adobe on you.
08:07And hide your mossy feet.
08:09She's right.
08:10They're enormous.
08:13Zara, you'll be designing and making ships for the battle.
08:17Because of my keen interest in neighbour warfare.
08:20My design credentials?
08:22My geometry scores?
08:24Yeah.
08:25All of that.
08:28It was the only job left, wasn't it?
08:31Oh, and she'd make some stocks.
08:34Ready for when we chop Jessica's head off.
08:40Aoife?
08:42Why are all the clothes with your name on so...
08:46raggedy?
08:47Jim?
08:49Who's Mary, Queen of Scots?
08:51The one you wanted to play?
08:53The queen with the cousin?
08:54The prison one?
08:58Who?
08:58I explained this.
09:01Queen Elizabeth had a Scottish cousin, Mary, Queen of Scots,
09:05who wanted to be Queen of England too.
09:06So, Elizabeth threw her in jail and she was never let out.
09:11Never?
09:13So, I've gone from being the queen of winning everything,
09:16to being stuck in that thing all week.
09:19No, no, no, of course not.
09:21You get beheaded on Wednesday.
09:23Headless is a bold look.
09:25But I can work with it.
09:27The battle's on Thursday.
09:29How am I supposed to beat Spain without a head?
09:31You won't.
09:32Whoever's playing Queen Elizabeth will.
09:36The queen with the cousin.
09:44Oh, Mipha. The bars really suit you.
09:47Not only she's right, I'm totally pulling this off.
09:50I wasn't going to get involved.
09:52But then Jim said how much she wanted me to play your cousin.
09:54Oh, great. It's my fault. Again.
09:56How could I refuse such a kind offer from my favourite loser?
10:01You're still our queen.
10:02Actually, losers.
10:04I'm the queen you work for.
10:05And I've got lots of work for you to do.
10:07So you'll be coming with me.
10:09Take her away, jailer.
10:10Do I have to?
10:11Um, your majesty.
10:15Yes, please.
10:16Find my axe.
10:18Enjoy it while it lasts.
10:20Because I'm totally not taking this lying down.
10:24I kind of think you are.
10:26Cuz.
10:27Could this be any more humiliating?
10:33Turns out the answer was a very soggy yes.
10:38It says here Mary, Queen of Scots, was well treated in prison.
10:44The queen thought throwing wet sponges at her would be more fun.
10:49She was right.
10:51Great work, gang.
10:54They literally never miss.
10:56How big must my face be?
11:08Are we allowed to be in Mr Holt's office?
11:12I can go where I please because I am queen.
11:15Of course.
11:16My apologies, your majesty.
11:18What do you want from me?
11:20A favour, your majesty.
11:23If you could make my friend, Ben, royalty, that would mean a lot to me personally.
11:29And I have been a loyal servant for many years.
11:32And you are?
11:34William Cecil, your special advisor.
11:38Fine.
11:39Tell Jim to make Ben king of Spain.
11:41He can lose the battle to me.
11:43Small detail.
11:44The Spanish king wasn't actually at the battle.
11:47It looks better if I beat the king.
11:49So make that happen.
11:50Okay?
11:51Tell him to cry when he loses.
11:54That's not historically accurate.
11:57Isn't it your job to do whatever your queen demands?
12:00Well, yes.
12:02Yes, your majesty.
12:04Good.
12:05Then stand on one leg.
12:14Now flap your arms like a swan.
12:18But make a noise like a cow.
12:22Moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo.
12:26I'm going to enjoy this.
12:27I don't suppose now would be a good time to ask you to appoint a Minister of Smells.
12:33I mean...
12:35Moo, moo, moo, moo.
12:41Where are you going in such a hurry?
12:43To resign from my exalted position as special advisor for a majesty. You?
12:47Same thing. Just way less nerdy.
12:50There they are. My two saviours.
12:53So about that, Jim. I'm trying to save the Vipers reputation.
12:56I thought this would be a disaster, but you've got so many people involved.
12:59I feel like I should be paying you.
13:01I can't, though, because I'm saving up for a new gold tracksuit.
13:04That's great, Jim, but...
13:06Yeah, but listen, Mr. Holt will be well impressed if I pull this off.
13:09And so will I! Yes!
13:12We can't resign now.
13:13He seems so...happy.
13:15Like Clango with a mouldy potato.
13:18Oi! Jails can't move!
13:20How? Do you have to be so rough?
13:22If I'm going to play a character, might as well commit to it.
13:26Well, that's just given me a wee beastie of an idea.
13:32King of Spain!
13:35You're not happy?
13:36Not. Which is Spanish for no.
13:39You wanted to be royalty.
13:41Well, obviously. I'm fluent in Spanglish.
13:45And handsome enough.
13:47You still have a better job than clangour.
13:49Yeah.
14:09You did this to me!
14:16My loyal subject.
14:18As you know, I am the best queen that ever lived.
14:22You may now applaud.
14:25Please.
14:27Please.
14:28Take this opportunity to learn more about how incredible I am.
14:31How brilliant life was because of me.
14:35And make sure to book your tickets for this battle with the Spanish Armada.
14:38Join us live for the naval takedown of the 16th century, when Queen Elizabeth's English fleet takes on the mighty
14:45Spanish Armada.
14:47Which I will win.
14:49For you, my loyal subjects.
15:06I love a good bagpipe.
15:08I love a good bagpipe.
15:11Is anyone hungry?
15:13Because you're talking pure mints, by the way.
15:17Guards!
15:18Seize her!
15:19And take me where?
15:20I'm already in jail, you dozy wee loser queen!
15:25She has a point, you much.
15:27You can tell who's got the brains in this family, eh?
15:31Silence!
15:31I order you to-
15:34Freedom!
15:37You two, come with me!
15:45Being this, I'm wearing my own hair from now on.
15:48But the real queen's hair was burnt amber.
15:51With a hint of orangutan.
15:52I'm the real queen.
15:54You're the losers.
15:55And you can find me better clothes too.
15:57More modern ones.
15:59And you, stop building boats!
16:02But, I'm a boat builder.
16:04Now, you're a jail builder.
16:06I need one with no leg holes or head holes.
16:09A plain box then.
16:12It's what a loser deserves.
16:14No one will be calling us that after what Aoife just did.
16:19On second thought, maybe not a plain box after all.
16:25Loser Viper Jail!
16:26So much for the name not sticking.
16:28Jessica forced me to make it.
16:30And then she arrested me as a traitor.
16:33Us too!
16:34I totally did.
16:35Cause traitors are losers.
16:38Now, where's my minister of smells?
16:42I thought you were a horse.
16:45I got promoted for a special mission.
16:47Go put your pocket cheese in the Viper's loser cell.
16:50Pocket cheese?!
16:51Smells worse than Connors B!
16:53Oi!
16:54Thanks!
16:55Oh!
16:55Before I forget.
16:58As you were so funny earlier, you can be my new jester too.
17:03And I'll do a funny dance.
17:05Like she's gonna do that.
17:07It's going really well, Mr Holt.
17:09And it looks like Aoife's about to perform a new character.
17:11Listen!
17:17Jiggity-dee-dee, jiggity-doo, jiggity-dara, what's it do?
17:25What?
17:27No, no, I didn't get it, Aoife.
17:28But the kids were loving it.
17:31Aoife.
17:33I can't wait for tomorrow's executions.
17:37There's only meant to be one.
17:39Four stinky losers.
17:40Four executions.
17:42And did I mention we're going to film them for the school website?
17:45She can't do that.
17:47Can she do that?
17:48I totally can.
17:50I emailed Mr Holt about it.
17:52And he thinks it's such a good idea.
17:54So now everyone can watch me winning and you losing forever.
18:01And I can still smell the pocket cheese.
18:07No one could take you two.
18:09Ethan's getting her head chopped off tomorrow.
18:11So she is. That'll be fun.
18:16We're selling tickets.
18:19I can't let her humiliate us like this.
18:21We'll be known as losers forever.
18:26I just want to show the lads that history could be cool.
18:29But Jessica keeps rewriting it.
18:31Maybe we could do that too.
18:33Rewrite history.
18:34Think about it.
18:35Jessica losing the battle would be a crazy plot twist.
18:39Everyone would be talking about it.
18:47I do like that.
18:50But it does go against my principle of doing anything not historically accurate.
18:55Did Mary Queen of Scots really wear this ridiculous thing?
18:59No wonder nobody voted for her.
19:06I'm in.
19:07Yes.
19:08And I've got the perfect plan.
19:11First, I sneak out of myself using a devious lie.
19:15And while the Vipers gain support to the revolution.
19:19Mary Queen of Scots is busy.
19:21Looking at memes as she often did in 1567.
19:25On her wooden phone.
19:32Don't care if it's not practical.
19:34I want a gold boat.
19:37Gold!
19:38And then we plot to overthrow the evil queen.
19:52What's that?
19:57Secret meeting.
19:59Who put that there?
20:05Connor.
20:15Pretty clever if I say so myself.
20:17And I do.
20:19Okay.
20:20This is kind of cool.
20:21And a plot to overthrow the queen is entirely accurate, historically speaking.
20:26You're ruining it, innit?
20:28Clangily speaking.
20:30I'll go drum up more support.
20:33When Jessica tries to execute me and the Vipers, I'll give the signal to our supporters.
20:37They'll set us free and everyone will follow us to the battle.
20:41Where the Vipers will show the entire school how to win.
20:44With style.
20:46Why should I go along with this?
20:48Because I'll make you look good.
20:52I don't need help with that.
20:55He does.
20:56Jessica's just trying to beat you quickly so she can do a boring speech.
20:59I'll give you a hero's death.
21:02Pure Hollywood.
21:04What about on me?
21:05What do I get?
21:08Pocket cheese!
21:09I'm sure the king is in need for a master of smells.
21:14Nothing can stop me now.
21:18Scottish Queen appreciates your support.
21:24It's all very exciting.
21:26Mr Holt wants me to film the event for him.
21:28That's good, isn't it?
21:29If it's not historically accurate, he'll make me do all the rubbish jobs no one else wants.
21:33Like what?
21:35Lunchtime detentions.
21:36Spell checking graffiti.
21:38Stopping birds doing the toilet on his car.
21:41What's that, Hawkey?
21:42You're so hungry, you could eat 50 pigeons!
21:47I wouldn't have time to coach bouncy ball.
21:49It's going to be great, Jim.
21:51Especially with Aoife and Connor helping out.
21:54Well, mainly Connor.
21:55Yeah.
22:00Isn't that right, Connor?
22:03How do you know I'm here?
22:04Because I'm your mum.
22:06And also you breathe really loudly.
22:09There's a lot resting on this for Jim and the Vipers.
22:12It is going to go well, isn't it?
22:16Only if I can get to Aoife on time.
22:24Merry Queen of Scots, a.k.a Aoife, Queen of Losers.
22:30Not for long.
22:31I hereby sent a...
22:34I reject your sentence.
22:36Now, now is the time to rise up against this evil queen.
22:40Follow me into the battle and I will defeat the Spanish king.
22:45For you, my people.
22:48Now, who's with me?
22:53I said, who's with me?
22:57Seriously, who's with me?
23:03Looks like your little revolution has failed.
23:08We can't get the history wrong.
23:10Connor said we'd lose Jim as a coach.
23:12We had no choice.
23:29And this is where we came in.
23:31Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop!
23:39Hey! That's my axe!
23:40Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop!
23:45Sorry about this.
23:52Can't lie. Look pretty awesome as a king.
23:55And these stink bombs are absolutely weak. Sniff.
23:58I'll take your word for it.
24:00Does this mean that he was right?
24:03That history and Connor can be cool?
24:07All right, but we can never tell him.
24:09Agreed.
24:22Where's Aoife?
24:24Jessica's won. Again.
24:27And we've lost.
24:28We're officially the losers.
24:31Forever.
24:33This really is the worst of times.
24:36But the best of times for a roundup.
24:41So it all started when we had to call ourselves the losers
24:44because someone made a bet.
24:46It doesn't matter who.
24:48So then I tried to change the past in more ways than one.
24:51But then I'd realised we'd lose Jim and nobody wanted that.
24:54So now Jessica's going to win again.
24:57And we're going to be stuck with these stupid nicknames forever.
25:01Losers! Losers! Losers!
25:06Unless...
25:06Guys, it's not over.
25:09Yes, it is.
25:10The battle's just beginning.
25:12Like, our battle's just beginning.
25:14What are you going on about?
25:15I was wrong.
25:17We can't change what's happened,
25:19but we can change what does happen.
25:23Starting now.
25:24How?
25:25Jessica wins like...
25:27always.
25:29But she doesn't.
25:33Queen Elizabeth does.
25:48Yes!
25:49Come on, smash them!
25:51Oh, no, no, no, no!
25:52Oh, no, no, no, no!
25:54Oh!
25:55Oh, here are you, Mr. Holt!
25:59Jessica's Queen Elizabeth is just about to defeat Ben's Spanish king!
26:02Oh, no!
26:04Oh, er, not king, er, duke.
26:07Very well-dressed duke with the king's hat on.
26:10I thought Aoife would have at least come out to watch.
26:13Oh, how?
26:14She's not got a head!
26:15Oh, yeah!
26:15Oh, yeah!
26:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
26:20Come save our gracious queen!
26:24Long live our noble queen!
26:27Uh-oh!
26:28Come save our queen!
26:32What?
26:32No, this is good.
26:34No matter what, Queen Elizabeth will win.
26:37Right, vipers, time to show everyone who the real queens of Midvale are.
26:42Charge!
26:46You have to lose to me.
26:47Lie down.
26:48Nah, not my style.
26:50Smells master.
26:51Let's go out in glory.
26:53Roar!
26:58What is this?
27:00Yes, yes, yes.
27:04Charge!
27:27Very cool.
27:29That's how winning's done, Haltibaby.
27:31Vipers style!
27:36You can cut that last bit out, right?
27:38But it's a live stream.
27:40Did she just call me Haltibaby?
27:43It'll grow on him.
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