- 5 hours ago
Going Dutch - Season 2 - Episode 11: General Dearest Engsub
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Short filmTranscript
00:09I was saving it for you.
00:11Oh.
00:11You know, we really should have taken a holiday like this a long time ago.
00:15Yeah.
00:16Well, this is the best you've ever looked.
00:18I gave you a little BBL.
00:20I like my mermaids with some whale tail.
00:22What the hell is going on here?
00:24I said to bag the sand, not playing it like children.
00:28These are just the leftovers.
00:29Okay, we ran out of sandbags.
00:31After filling up every single one, by the way, which felt like overkill.
00:35It's not overkill, okay?
00:36There's a biblical storm coming.
00:38A once-in-a-lifetime storm, supposedly.
00:40Like a great man once said,
00:42one day a rain may come and wash all the scum from these streets.
00:47Did you just call Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver a great man?
00:49Travis was a Vietnam veteran,
00:51and he knew the value of firearms and physical fitness.
00:58Storm's coming.
00:58Get back to work, Papadakis.
01:00I prefer Mermadakis.
01:02I'm not about to call you Merm...
01:04Stop looking at me.
01:29Hey, the NATO base in Mons has flooded because of the storm,
01:33and I told General Martin that she and her troops can come here and we will put them up.
01:37Oh, your old hottie slumber party.
01:40It's not a real slumber party, and I don't care if they're hotties or busted.
01:44Thank you, Conway.
01:45Oh, you got it.
01:45What's happening?
01:46The colonel and I have been doing a generational cultural exchange.
01:48I taught him busted, and he taught me about something called Creedence Clearwater Revival.
01:53Very good, Conway.
01:54Yeah, the troops are on their way.
01:57I want you guys to be aware of the fact you're going to have to share quarters, okay?
01:59And Sergeant Conway is in charge of the accommodation, so she will assign everybody.
02:03Does General Martin have any special requests?
02:05I think General Martin is all set.
02:08Okay.
02:09Sorry.
02:09Well, I don't know what's going on here.
02:12It sounds like your Canadian girlfriend's trying to move in with you.
02:14No.
02:15No.
02:16That's not what I said.
02:17That's how it starts.
02:18Come over.
02:19I got Central AC.
02:20See, next thing you know, you're signing a name to the lease.
02:23Dad, I don't know what you're talking about.
02:24Trust me.
02:25Sooner or later, General Martin's going to be wearing her night guard to bed and letting
02:28her panties dry in the shower.
02:30That's not going to be happening, okay?
02:33I just hope that you're ready to give up your side of the bed.
02:36My side of the bed is the whole bed, okay?
02:39There's no two sides.
02:41It's my side.
02:42Got it.
02:42Interesting fact.
02:43Interesting.
02:45I'm your superior officer.
02:47We are, Michael.
02:47You're not allowed to mock me.
03:00Hi.
03:01Hi.
03:03Um.
03:07You know, things have been so busy since yesterday when we, uh...
03:11Kissed?
03:12Kissed.
03:13That kiss was amazing.
03:15It was.
03:15It was something out of a movie.
03:16Yeah, okay.
03:17Yeah.
03:17It was the best kiss of my life.
03:18Yeah, me too.
03:19But we also thought, like, maybe you were going to die.
03:21Yeah, I might die, but...
03:22So.
03:23I guess there's only one way to find out.
03:26Yeah.
03:32Hmm.
03:35Um, that wasn't quite...
03:37As good.
03:38Yes.
03:39I remembered it.
03:40Yeah.
03:41It's me.
03:41It's me.
03:42Okay.
03:42Okay, you know how, like, some people find sneaking around really, like, sexy?
03:45Yeah.
03:45Yeah.
03:45Well, you know what I found really sexy?
03:47What?
03:47Following the rules.
03:48Okay.
03:49And I think that's what's happening here.
03:50I understand.
03:52Okay.
03:52Yeah.
03:53But we want to do this.
03:54But we want to do this.
03:54Okay.
03:54Yes, we got to do this.
03:55Yeah.
03:56We'll just, um...
03:57Like, work our way up to it.
03:58Work our way up to it.
04:00Hmm.
04:01Ranger?
04:01Come on in.
04:02Everything is normal in here.
04:03The door is not closed for any reason at all.
04:05We are good here.
04:06How are you?
04:15Okay, I'm not going to say it's a good thing that there's a flood, because thoughts and
04:18prayers to the tulip farmers, obviously, but it's not a bad thing that I'm going to
04:22get more face time with General Martin.
04:24No.
04:25I hope she's not thinking that this is going to be some kind of a step for the relationship,
04:30you know, like step forward, because I'm not really, I don't want to take a step in
04:33any direction.
04:34Yeah, you've got to accept that it's a step.
04:36Really?
04:36Yeah.
04:36Because our relationship is, like, so sexy and fun.
04:39Those are the two things we're built on, and scotch and innuendo, four things.
04:44Those are, like, that's our foundation, is just, like, drinking and messing around, you
04:49know what I mean?
04:49Like, I don't think even with an act of God that that would change.
04:54Have you ever considered that maybe God wants you two to be together?
04:59Okay, you know I have Catholic stuff.
05:00That's creepy for you to use that against me.
05:03Just bring him into my temporary office.
05:06We made it.
05:07Now, get me out of these damp clothes and pour me a scotch.
05:11Hurry.
05:14See?
05:15Sexy and fun.
05:16Okay.
05:17You know, sometimes you just forget that you're my dad.
05:19Yeah, who's Catholic now?
05:28Captain, since I'm still aidless, I was hoping you could step into the role while I'm on base.
05:33Yes, ma'am.
05:35Man, I am not hating this flood.
05:38But thoughts and prayers to the tulip farmers.
05:41I hate tulips.
05:42Captain, I just saw a soldier in pajamas.
05:45I told them pajama night was kin.
05:46Kin.
05:47Kin never happen.
05:48What's next?
05:49Charades and s'mores?
05:50Snack time, everyone!
05:52Some welcoming snacks for a lovely guest.
05:55We got chocolate, marshmallows, and gray ham crackers.
05:57But I wasn't sure, do you put ranch dressing on this or not?
06:00I can never really get when you guys like ranch dressing on food and when you don't.
06:09So I guess we proved you can put maple syrup on anything, pretty much.
06:14Right?
06:15Having a Canadian roommate isn't so bad, is it?
06:20Oh.
06:21Sorry, I thought we were calling it.
06:22We can call it.
06:23Okay.
06:24Yeah, let's call it.
06:25Okay, if I don't use this thing, I gnaw through my own jaw.
06:28Yeah, yeah.
06:29Got it.
06:30Not a problem.
06:31I mean, you gotta do what you...
06:42Oh, my God.
06:49It's Saturday.
06:50What do you want to do today?
06:52Saturdays, I have to sharpen my hunting knives, and it takes a long time.
06:57I've got to be really super focused, so I have to be kind of by myself.
07:00But what are you going to do?
07:01I was going to watch some human cockfighting.
07:03You're okay.
07:05You...
07:05What?
07:07Human cockfighting.
07:09Where?
07:13Oh, wow.
07:14This is a fun Saturday.
07:15What do you think we were going to do together?
07:17Go to Ikea?
07:21Oh, man.
07:24Do we have any, like, softer one of these weapons?
07:27I just...
07:27I was led to believe that this wouldn't hurt in any way.
07:31And, like, I guess we're just missing nap time.
07:34How did that rather zofting fellow get into the army?
07:38Oh, well, Corporal Papadakis has many extraordinary talents.
07:43Ed, hand-on-hand combat is not one of them.
07:48But at least he's getting his nap time.
07:52But...
07:5250 euro if you don't hit me.
07:54Yeah?
07:54Yes!
07:55Fine!
07:56100 euro.
07:57It's so great having real soldiers on the base, you know what I mean?
08:00It's just...
08:00I haven't seen one pair of open-toe shoes.
08:03But our guys are getting pummeled.
08:05Okay, we got ourselves a negotiator.
08:07Fake Louis Vuitton luggage set.
08:10Hmm?
08:10Oh, my God!
08:11You have interesting friends.
08:13Well, they have unconventional skills.
08:17What about you?
08:18Are you interesting?
08:20Oh, I'm uninteresting.
08:22Good.
08:23Yeah.
08:24Because after the debacle with my last aid,
08:26smoking something called Afghani trainwreck,
08:28I need somebody totally by the book.
08:30You got it.
08:32Oh, wow.
08:33By the book.
08:36Oh!
08:37Oh, my!
08:38Mine!
08:38Real Louis Vuitton luggage set,
08:40but that's my final offer.
08:43So, was it good for you?
08:44Hey, listen, all joking aside,
08:46was it true what you said about that private's mom?
08:48Oh.
08:49He sure cried like it was true.
08:51He did.
08:53I sure got hit in the head a lot.
08:56Yeah.
08:57But you always got right back up.
08:59I sure got hit in the head a lot.
09:03Is he going to be okay?
09:05I don't know.
09:07General Martin said we can't go to the medic
09:08unless we want to be diagnosed as weak.
09:10Your dad with General Martin equals disaster.
09:13Okay.
09:14Look, it's only for a few more days,
09:16so, I don't know,
09:17try to make friends tonight.
09:19Don't have sex with them.
09:20Or do.
09:21I don't know.
09:21I'm not your mom.
09:22What?
09:25So, uh,
09:26do you guys do that stick-fighting thing every day?
09:30No.
09:31Sunday's is paintball.
09:33General Martin designed her own guns.
09:35They are very powerful.
09:37Looks like it.
09:39Oh, we have got to get our hands on those paintball guns.
09:42I sure got hit in the head.
09:44A lot.
09:46Come on!
09:47What the heck?
09:48What the heck?
10:04What the heck?
10:17We need to steal those paintball guns before tomorrow because unless General Martin made those paintball guns shoot mimosas
10:22I am not letting that demon ruin my Sunday, too, because General Martin's idea of fun is torture.
10:32Oh, I didn't find guns, but I think I might have found something else.
10:39Great. All I found are these candy jawbreakers.
10:42Papa Douglas, this is not candy. Those are paintballs.
10:51Hey. Hey. What's going on?
10:54Nothing.
10:54I was just watching a YouTube compilation with Martin of old people falling down.
10:59And when they fall in water, we drink, so I'm pretty drunk.
11:02So I'm gonna grab some scotch.
11:04Wait, are the old people hurt?
11:05Not the ones who fall in the water, you know, as long as they can swim, which a lot of
11:10them can't.
11:11Anyways, I realized something. It's pretty cool, man. I'm liking having her around.
11:15Turns out when you like somebody the way I like her and you take that little step, it can be
11:20a good thing.
11:20And I came to that conclusion on my own.
11:24I didn't need therapy like that family court judge said I did, right?
11:27Yeah, I guess, uh...
11:31Sometimes you gotta take a risk.
11:32Unless you're an old person on an escalator.
11:35Yeah, you just want to take the stairs? Huh. Okay.
11:39How you doing?
11:39Thanks for asking. Yeah, actually, you know when you have these things swirling?
11:43Yeah, I gotta... She's waiting on me.
11:45Oh, yeah, yeah. No, no. Yeah, yeah. You gotta get back to watching old people.
11:47All right, pal. All right. See ya.
11:49No problem. Okay.
11:49If you get bored, you can come over and watch her.
11:51I'm not gonna do that.
11:55The key to disciplining soldiers isn't the yelling.
11:58It's the silence between the yelling.
12:00Huh. Cause I just do the opposite.
12:02I just, like, I rant for, like, you know, a solid block, like, six, seven minutes, and then I throw
12:07something.
12:07Ooh, what's your favorite thing to throw?
12:09Like a chair, you know, like, Bobby Knight style, you know?
12:12Um, it really gets their attention.
12:14This is interesting, though, comparing notes. I like this.
12:17It's hard to be mean in a vacuum.
12:19Yeah.
12:20Who the hell is that?
12:23What is it? What, what, what? Hey.
12:28Where's General Martin?
12:29Who is it?
12:31Him.
12:31It's a personal friend seeking guidance over...
12:36I got my girlfriend pregnant!
12:37And she's in love with her best friend, and they're gonna raise a kid together.
12:41Aye, I got it, hon.
12:42Listen, I found blueprints of the base in General Martin's office.
12:47I also ate paint.
12:48So, what's the deal?
12:50Maybe, maybe she was gonna get a frame for me, like, as a gift or something.
12:53These are the exact blueprints that Gideon was tricked into stealing.
12:56We never found out who was behind that.
12:58Maybe it was Martin.
13:00There's also plans for a remodel of the base.
13:05Yeah, I think I know what's going on.
13:07Okay, yeah, yeah.
13:08So what do we get what you're saying?
13:09What do we do?
13:09It's women tearing down women time, isn't it?
13:11Did you guys learn nothing from that human resources video I had you watch with the animated bears?
13:16Because it was all about that kind of stuff.
13:17So, your girlfriend is not being straight with you.
13:20You're going sex blind.
13:21She is your girlfriend.
13:22I'm not sex blind, but no, she is the boy.
13:23You know what?
13:24Look at the bright side.
13:25You know, two moms means less responsibility for you, Papadakas.
13:28You know what?
13:29We'll talk about it more tomorrow.
13:30I was making that up.
13:31You're not listening.
13:31I was making that up.
13:32You're not listening.
13:48Okay, wait, wait, wait.
13:49We gotta talk.
13:50No, no.
13:51Talking.
13:51No more talking.
13:52Okay.
13:57Hey.
13:58What do you think?
13:59Do you think we should remodel with T-Fack?
14:04No, I think it's fine.
14:07Yeah.
14:08Me too.
14:09I mean, the only way a remodel would make sense is if you were going to double the number of
14:12troops.
14:13Then you'd bash out the back wall.
14:14You'd switch out the round tables for bench seating and expand the kitchen.
14:18But that's just off the top of my head.
14:21Right.
14:23How's the book?
14:25It's good.
14:25Just getting to the section on Pearl Harbor.
14:30Politics aside, you gotta respect a surprise attack.
14:35Yeah.
14:39You've got me in my office on a Sunday.
14:42You'd better be World War Three.
14:44I think if it was World War Three, sir, you'd already be in your bunker.
14:46Is General Martin taking over my base?
14:49What? No.
14:50No, no, no, no, no.
14:51The U.S. Army is giving it away.
14:52You're just giving bases away now?
14:54What are you?
14:55That's nuts.
14:55No wonder you've never seen combat.
14:57When the fighting starts, I guess you just, what, surrender?
14:59NATO has made a massive weapons deal with the Army.
15:02And General Martin wants a, you know, a training base in the region.
15:06So since Baumholder is a base of value, I convinced our superiors to throw in Strupdorf.
15:12You know, like, free perfume with purchase.
15:15You know, your whole obsession with humiliating me is now reaching a really creepy, fetishy area.
15:21I'm not the one who invited your girlfriend to move in.
15:25That you did on your own.
15:28And now she is your boss.
15:33Oh, see, I wanted to capture that exact moment so that it will pop up on my screensaver from time
15:38to time.
15:38Of course, because you need something to replace the pictures of all the kids you never see anymore.
15:43Oh, well, look who's talking.
15:44You know what, sir? I'm not going to let you get away with this.
15:46Uh, too late.
15:47The wheels are already turning.
15:49Oh, and if you try to block it, you will be crushed.
15:53Oh, see, um, your eyes were closed.
15:56So let's try this again.
15:57How does it feel to be the only American to lose a battle with Canada?
16:03Oh, see, now that, that's a keeper.
16:06You know what, sir?
16:06I should give you a fair warning.
16:08You might want to get that bunker ready.
16:09I'm about to start World War III.
16:14Oh, there it is.
16:15Yeah, that, that's what we were looking for.
16:19Yeah.
16:20And I think I know why we found it.
16:22You do?
16:23Mm-hmm.
16:24Because I took a job with General Martin.
16:29She called me and offered me a position as her permanent aide at NATO,
16:33which, you know, comes with a move, but also comes with a promotion to major.
16:41Wow.
16:42Which is not in your chain of command.
16:45Yeah.
16:45And we can do this.
16:51I didn't, uh, realize that when I, uh, submitted my retirement paperwork last night.
16:59What?
17:00Yeah, I, I mean, sometimes you gotta take a risk, right?
17:04I mean, I mean, this is crazy.
17:07Isn't it funny that we, like, gift of the magi at each other?
17:11That is crazy.
17:13We're so on the same page.
17:18Actually, we're not.
17:19We're not?
17:21Well, no.
17:23Look, I, I accepted a new job, like, 30 minutes away.
17:26Uh-huh.
17:27You quit your job.
17:29You gave up your whole career.
17:3220 years of service for a girl you haven't even been on a date with.
17:36Uh, you're welcome.
17:40Okay.
17:41Okay.
17:43Look, I've failed at every relationship that I've ever been in.
17:48Right?
17:49Uh-huh.
17:50And you, well, you literally just got a divorce.
17:55Probably should've talked about this first.
17:57Yeah, we probably should've, but, I mean, I've been thinking about it, and I've been thinking about us a lot.
18:03I actually see a future for us, okay?
18:05I see, like, the house.
18:06The family wireless plan.
18:07Kids.
18:08Kids?
18:08Yeah.
18:09Would we talk about that?
18:10Or, or would you surprise me with some?
18:12I'm not gonna surprise you with kids, but that's not how that works, okay?
18:14I have to go.
18:15I do.
18:16I, um, I'm helping General Martin Prepper schedule, okay?
18:18As soon as I find my bra.
18:20Okay, dude, you don't need to do this, okay?
18:22You don't need to run away.
18:22Don't be like the Colonel, okay?
18:23You don't need to avoid emotional conversations.
18:25We can talk through this.
18:26I am nothing like my dad.
18:31Don't do this.
18:32Don't just walk away.
18:33Let's talk about it.
18:34What do you want to talk about, huh?
18:35How to fit my Christmas tree up the chimney?
18:37Huh?
18:37I'm sorry you found out this way.
18:39I wasn't supposed to say anything until it was official.
18:41Oh, really?
18:41I've told you plenty of official secrets, okay?
18:43Like the fact that we have a sound cannon that makes people projectile vomit.
18:46And that was one of the most romantic dates of my whole life.
18:49Look, you have worked so hard making this base a success.
18:52Enjoy the spoils.
18:53NATO taking over can just allow you to transfer to a better base.
18:57You're right.
18:58Oh, my God, I didn't even think of it that way.
19:00You're doing me a favor.
19:01I should be thanking you.
19:02I'm gonna send you some thank you flowers.
19:03Where should I have Sha send them?
19:05Oh, yeah, right here.
19:06Cause you live here now.
19:07It's not personal, Peter.
19:08Oh, it's very personal, okay?
19:09You Trojan horse me with two of my favorite things.
19:12Sex and human cockfighting.
19:14If you wanted to move in, you should have just asked.
19:17I'm not your enemy.
19:18But I could be.
19:19God, you are already my enemy.
19:21My God.
19:22You know what?
19:23I'm just gonna give you a heads up.
19:24I planted an alarm in here.
19:26It's gonna go off very soon.
19:28Loud enough to drive you crazy.
19:29But faint enough that when you look for it,
19:32that you won't be able to locate where it actually is.
19:37Oh, yeah, that's gonna drive me nuts.
19:39Merry Christmas, Grinch.
19:43Really, this is...
19:43All you got is the rosé?
19:45I mean, rosé is more about, like, quantity.
19:47That's why it comes in a box.
19:50I can't believe Martin thought she was doing me a favor.
19:54I can't believe Shaw thought he was doing me a favor.
19:56Crazy.
19:56It is insane.
19:58To sacrifice everything for our future?
20:01Like they're our saviors or something.
20:03It's insane.
20:03It's crazy behavior.
20:08You don't think there's a chance that we are self-sabotaging,
20:11Quinn-style, so that we don't get hurt.
20:16No.
20:17No.
20:17It's not us, honey.
20:19It's always them.
20:19It's them, it's them.
20:20That's the way they want us to think.
20:22I'm obviously not gonna take the job with General Martin
20:25after everything that's...
20:26Honey, have you learned nothing from working with me?
20:29What do you mean?
20:29Career goes before family every time.
20:32So you are taking that job, okay?
20:34Number one, you earned it.
20:35Number two, you deserve it.
20:36Thanks, Dad.
20:37Plus, it can't hurt to have a Quinn on the inside,
20:40find out what her next moves are gonna be,
20:42and then, you know, frame her for selling military secrets.
20:45Wait, what?
20:46You know, see how you feel.
20:55Company, octane, hut!
20:57Our training exercise is on hold.
21:00The paintball gear has been stolen.
21:02Don't worry, I've been eating the evidence.
21:05Why don't you just throw it away?
21:07The guns were in my office,
21:08and only Stroopstorf's soldiers had access.
21:11Maybe it's a cat burglar situation.
21:13Interesting theory.
21:14So what I'm gonna do is keep my eyes peeled
21:15for someone very sexy wearing spandex.
21:18Well, don't look at me.
21:20The only thing I'm guilty of stealing is hearts.
21:22I am in charge of this base now,
21:24and I order everyone to be normal!
21:27Yes, ma'am!
21:28We will be normal!
21:31Normal.
21:35It's going so well!
21:37It's going so well!
21:38It's going so well!
21:40you next time,
21:40Well, there's nothing to do.
21:40People think things are big over...
21:42They could feel different,
21:42Well, I thought,
21:42those same people can find fingers,
21:42you doму up and weary,
21:43The grant that you should feel
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