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8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown - Christmas Special 2025 - 24 December 2025 [Full Movie] [English Subs]Full EP - Full
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00:00Ladies and gentlemen, please, thanks for the noise to Mr. Jimmy Carlton!
00:13The power!
00:15Thanks for coming out. Merry Christmas, everyone. You all right?
00:19OK, so we've got an amazing line-up.
00:20We've got team captains John Richardson and Rob Beckett,
00:23Judy Love, Daisy May Cooper, Katie Norris, Susie Dent and Rachel Riley.
00:28That's for sure.
00:32Let's have you here.
00:35Christmassy.
00:41OK.
00:45Say one more moment?
00:46I'm worried I don't look Christmassy enough.
00:49Should we do this?
00:50Yeah, yeah.
00:52We should do this.
00:57We should do it.
01:12We should do it.
01:18Empire is the Get Place.
01:18Even, Wi-Fi?
01:19We should do it.
01:24Before we chat, we can do it.
01:24On floor until êµ food rouge.
01:25We should do it and out for you, too.
01:28Hello and welcome to the eight out of ten cats does countdown Christmas special a show about letters numbers conundrums
01:34and
01:35Christmas, okay, let's meet tonight's players first up. It's team captain John Richardson
01:45John does look like one of Santa's elves, but the one that works in accounts
01:51Would know
01:54And John's teammate Daisy May Cooper
02:01Daisy claims she wants attempted to have sex with a ghost. I bet that put the willies up. Yeah
02:07Up against them this evening team captain Rob Beckett
02:14Rob Beckett loves Christmas because of the huge smiles on his kids faces which sadly for them are genetic
02:24I'm joining Rob tonight's Judy love
02:29Judy love attended drama school for four months but left after she fell pregnant and that is as close as
02:36hackney is gonna get the nativity story
02:39So you're at drama school and you fell pregnant, so that's yeah, it was a hell of an improv session
02:43It was it was proper. It was live everyone enjoyed it different kind of show
02:49Did you do any more acting after that we could do an improv moment right now, okay?
02:54That night
02:57It's so special to me
03:01Why is he the dad yeah
03:06John have you ever been asked to turn on a town's Christmas lights you sound very unwell Jimmy was the
03:12voice box is the only thing you haven't had replaced and now look
03:18Yeah, I did a few last year actually but none of them have asked me back I hooked them all
03:24up to spark meters
03:27I had a few booked in this year, but then Andrew became available
03:34You can't beat a royal who wants to work cash in hand
03:39All right, Daisy, um, what was it like growing up with your brother Charlie traumatic
03:44Christmases were very traumatic our great man came to stay with us one Christmas. I was about a
03:50Charlie was about five and we had bunk beds Christmas Eve
03:55We heard the door open and we thought oh my god. It's Santa Claus
03:58And it wasn't it was our great man who was naked
04:03Sleepwalking with night terrors, right? She just walked into our room and screamed
04:10Horrendous
04:15Made you think it was father Christmas the long beard
04:24Rob what element of Christmas would you bad? I would ban and the snowman the depressing cartoon. Yeah, it's on
04:31every year
04:32Why? Oh shit
04:35Chill away. It's a shit drawing like we've got Moana now proper CGI
04:41Animations moved on. I don't know what's that worse at a special time Jeremy
04:45So yeah, I'll get rid of the snowman
04:48So I've upset the entire nation
04:51Do you like the snowman? Yeah, I do. He dies at the end. Do you not like that bit when
04:55he dies? He dies? Oh, I'll watch it this year
05:00Judy are you are you a good cook? Do you do Christmas dinner? Yeah, it depends on whether you know
05:05the spirit takes me in the spirit is called rum
05:09Your food situation at Christmas if we spoke about this before is mental how much we do everything we do
05:14rice and peas
05:15And we do plain rice then we do curry goat and then we do jerk chicken and we have fried
05:20chicken in the morning
05:21We have fried fish escolar fish with our dough bread. We might have ackee and saltfish
05:25Then we kind of add our little British culture, which is a bit of toast and then
05:33We have dessert and you've got the black cake for everything fruits and cream. It feels like you could cut
05:38the plain rice course
05:39Oh, no, no, no, this is a Jamaican house. There's nothing plain in it
05:43Even the plain white rice is seasoned. It's washed. It's got salt. It's got butter. Oh, let's not go there
05:50white people, please
05:53You wash it and then you let it bubble up and you put butter and you put salt
05:57You put a bit of time and I like to with my plain white rice
06:00I get a scotch bonnet when it's simmering and I put the scotch boy in the middle and just let
06:04simmer it down
06:04Don't let it burst. Let me tell you something you will never like they say once you go black you
06:08don't go back
06:09Once you go white rice with a scotch bonnet. You won't go back. I'm telling you
06:14I'm to try it
06:16Thank you
06:17Okay, John have you got a mascot I have what have you got?
06:22Um, well, it's all about Christmas traditions for me the best tradition of Christmas is when you get your your
06:28Christmas morning bin bag
06:39Yes, I start looking for mine about September
06:43I'd start filling it with that soup
06:47So, you know, you've got to start thinking about what sort of load it's going to take
06:51What thickness of bag you want, you know, you get the wrong Christmas bag and the kids have been up
06:55at r5
06:55You're three Christmas bin bags in by six o'clock. You ain't coming back from that. Yeah Christmas day is
06:59over
07:01It's not full heavy duty now because then I think there's too much heft to it right and it sort
07:05of takes that you want the crinkle
07:07Yeah, that's some of that Christmas. Are you struggling with that?
07:10I am struggling a little bit
07:13I don't think you picked the right bag
07:16Oh
07:17Oh, I like that
07:19Don't criticise his black bag
07:21No
07:22I've been having Christmas bags for years. I always remember you get emotional looking at this picture
07:27Your first Christmas bin bag is
07:30It's a real thing
07:33Is that really you?
07:35That's me. Yeah, which one?
07:41Yeah, my sister's in that picture, but the the team have taken a decision to edit her out and put
07:45the bag where she was studs
07:47So that's a conversation we'll have at my real family Christmas
07:53Daisy if you've got a mascot do you want to bring him out? Oh, this is my son Benji
07:58Dressed as a little Christmas pudding
08:01Thank you, babe. Oh, hello, Poppet
08:06Yeah, it's only because I sort of fucked up a bit with child care
08:10I said can I bring him and they said fine and they said have you bought a mascot and I
08:18said no
08:20You'd be a bit scared of Jimmy earlier, won't you, darling?
08:24He's not the Grinch
08:26Look, there he is. He's a nice man. You wave to him
08:30Stop it. Hello
08:32Hi
08:34How old are you? You are 17 months
08:3717 months. Yeah. Well talk me through the conception
08:41It was really great actually
08:44In a travelodge
08:48Really yeah, I've had the best times there straight talk are you 100% sure that's not rob beckett
08:58Oh
08:58Show us your teeth
09:02Thanks, darling. He's not gonna bite you the nasty man. Can I ask are you
09:08Oh, darling, I'm so sorry
09:09He doesn't want to go past him
09:10And you've picked up a child before, have you?
09:15You know
09:18Judy, have you got a mascot? I have got a mascot by Jamaican crackers
09:25Yeah, I'm Jamaican if you didn't know
09:27It just it just brings you into like my kind of household and my vibes
09:31With different words and stuff that I can teach you. Okay, so put it open
09:37Now can you read what that says with your best Jamaican accent? Oh
09:45Bye, Rob
09:46No
09:48Little more
09:49Yes, little more
09:52Do you know what that means? A little more? Lick it more
09:54No, it doesn't
09:57Little more yeah, it means a little more like or you could say in the same thing like yeah, I'll
10:02see you soon
10:02Little more like a soon come
10:04Little more
10:05Gunfinger all right
10:06Okay
10:07Just got carried on
10:09Rob definitely cancelled after that
10:12Woooo
10:12Go on take
10:14Let's see if John, let's give it to John
10:16Yeah, say that
10:17Go on John
10:18Yeah
10:21Medea
10:22Medea, say it faster though
10:24Medea
10:28You're there
10:29Yeah, yeah
10:30Say it with your chest though John
10:32I'm here
10:35I'm right here
10:36Judy
10:37You've missed that
10:38Medea
10:41Medea
10:42Yeah
10:45But Jimmy, I will say
10:47You definitely know your language
10:50Because the other one is usually wagwana
10:52You said it before even being prompt
10:54So big up yourself Jimmy
11:00Sometimes look at me like I'm some sort of bumper car
11:03Yeah
11:09Rob have you got a mascot can it not be racist?
11:13The answer is yes and then no
11:16Yeah, I do have a mascot
11:18What I've got is I was getting the Christmas decorations out the loft as you do
11:21Yeah, and I stumbled across a box full of Christmas presents that I've got my wife Lou in the past
11:27Hmm
11:27That she's never used
11:28These are presents you bought for the good lady
11:30These are presents I've bought for my wife that she doesn't want and I think she's bang out of order
11:38It's already good
11:39She's into arts and crafts
11:41I've got a seven piece chisel set
11:46Yeah
11:46This was a good one
11:48Wood varnish
11:50She kept on saying she wanted that fence painted so I got this
11:53She'd fuck all with it
11:57We wanted to try and spice things up in the bedroom
11:59Right
11:59You know you're in a marriage you sort of think
12:01I don't know
12:02So I've got a little outfit
12:03You don't know?
12:05What about spicing the things up in the bedroom?
12:07I'm not married
12:07You have plain sex with a scotch vonna in the middle do you?
12:17Anyway, so I thought I'll get I'll get her an outfit to wear for a bit of sexy time so
12:21I got her this
12:25But I thought that might be quite nice a bit of roleplay
12:27She never wore it
12:29It's a beautiful gift
12:30You know this one she didn't want this one either
12:32A bottle of champagne
12:33What could be the problem with a bottle of champagne?
12:35That's all right
12:36What's the say on the label?
12:37To Rob, thanks for all your hard work on the BAFTAs
12:47Jimmy I'll have the wood varnish
12:49He's Dua
12:54Over in Dictionary Corner
12:55It's Katie Norris
12:59Merry Christmas Jimmy
13:00Well Merry Christmas to you
13:02It's your first time on the show
13:02Tell us a little bit about yourself
13:04Well my name's Katie
13:05And people often think I've got divorced woman energy
13:08But
13:10I've actually never been married
13:13And I'm not a mum
13:13Just a woman with a tight snatch
13:15A loose tongue
13:15And a social lie
13:18Can I just get a bit of commotion for the outfit?
13:20Yeah
13:20Yeah
13:25Thank you
13:27So I only wear this for special occasions
13:29There was a bit of an issue with the crotch though
13:31Because it started to erode
13:34But the designers sewed into my crotch a professor's elbow
13:38You know like a suede patch
13:40Which does feel quite funny to me
13:42Because I'm not used to feeling a professor's elbow down there
13:44But
13:45I wanted to feel confident
13:50Could you tell us less about yourself?
13:54I've got a gift for you Jimmy
13:56Excellent
13:56Christmas
13:57It took me eight and a half hours
13:58So I've recently trained to become a taxidermist
14:05This is Boo
14:07Oh
14:07Boo Radley
14:08I mean Boo Boo's showing her Boo Boo
14:11Yes her Boo Boo
14:12Yeah
14:13That's a squirrel's elbow down there
14:17And with Katie of course it's Susie Dent
14:24Susie's books make a great last minute Christmas gift for people you don't like
14:29What's your favourite festive word Susie?
14:31Oh wonder clout
14:34Erm
14:34And a wonder clout
14:35Is something that looks really promising
14:37You think it's going to be great
14:39And it ends up being really disappointing
14:41Oh I got one of those
14:43Yeah
14:44Yeah
14:45Actually there is in wrestling
14:47There is a Christmas hold
14:48Which is when
14:49One wrestler gets the other
14:51By the crotch
14:52And so it's a handful of nuts
14:53Yeah
14:54I think that's what your squirrel has
14:55Was that nuts on the squirrel then
14:57Or a bulky vagina?
14:59No these are nuts
15:01Did you just ask
15:02Was it nuts
15:04Or a bulky vagina?
15:07Yeah
15:08I think that's a fair question
15:09No I don't
15:09I don't think we're using the phrase
15:11Bulky vagina
15:12Nuts
15:13On our Christmas show
15:14And in charge of the numbers
15:16It's Rachel Riley
15:17Woo
15:22I'm not saying Rachel's Christmas dress is short
15:25But I think I can see her grotto
15:30It's not bulky either
15:36Thanks for sharing
15:38Merry Christmas
15:39Rachel
15:41What is your favourite Christmas statistic?
15:43You know how people put food out for Santa and the reindeer
15:46So some people put milk out
15:47And apparently in the UK
15:481.3 million cans of beer
15:50Get put out for Santa on Christmas Eve
15:52Which is about 2.5 million units of alcohol
15:55So Santa's about 600,000 times the drink driver limit
16:00When he's going around up there
16:02So you can't even read that naughty list
16:04Which explains why my little one gets presents every year
16:07And she's an absolute shit
16:10Rachel Riley everyone
16:14OK and the prize the teams will be competing for tonight
16:17Is definitely not an elf on a shelf
16:19For legal reasons
16:20It's the countdown elf upon a mantelpiece
16:32Thanks for lending him the gear John
16:36OK let's countdown everyone
16:37Time for our first game
16:39Rob, Judy
16:39You get first poke of the letters
16:42Consonant
16:43Hey, straight in
16:43Thank you, Judy
16:44R
16:45You pick a pick
16:46Can I get a vowel please?
16:47Yeah
16:48O
16:50Another vowel please
16:51E
16:52Consonant please
16:53N
16:54Am I still going?
16:55Yeah, it looks like it
16:58Another consonant please
16:59C
17:01Vowel
17:01U
17:01Do you want to go? No?
17:03Vowel
17:03No, do you want to start writing it down there?
17:06E
17:06Oh, I thought I was saying that you were writing it
17:08Vowel please
17:10Are you sure?
17:11Er, I wasn't
17:12But now I am
17:12Just to piss you off
17:13Yeah
17:15Oh
17:15And then er, fuck it
17:16And have a vowel
17:17Yeah
17:19You have to have more
17:22I'm overruling
17:23That would have a consonant
17:23You have to have four consonants on this game
17:25T
17:26Oh, I see a word
17:27Oh yeah
17:33Merry Christmas everyone
17:37And for the first time today
17:38Here's the countdown clock
17:41It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
17:45Ooh
17:47Everywhere you go
17:49Tales to look in the five and ten
17:52Listening once again
17:54With candy canes and silver lanes aglow
17:58It's the beginning to look a lot like Christmas
18:04Tars in every store
18:05It's quite hard to read
18:07But the prettiest sight to see
18:09Is the holly that will be
18:11On your own
18:13Front door
18:16Er, Rob, what have you got?
18:23A four
18:23A four
18:25Judy, how many?
18:26Seven
18:27Seven?
18:28Yeah
18:28Daisy, how many?
18:29I got six
18:29Okay
18:30John
18:31Seven
18:32Rob, what is your broadcastable four-letter word?
18:35Cart
18:35Daisy, your six?
18:37Toucan
18:38Mmm, nice
18:39Er, Judy, your seven
18:41Counter
18:42Mm-hmm
18:43Oh, my God
18:46Oh, my God
18:46Oh, wow
18:49And John, your seven?
18:51Cartoon
18:51Oh
18:52Oh, my goodness
18:56Wow
18:56Seven points to both teams
18:58Katie, Susie, what could they have had?
19:00Well, you could have had an eight
19:01Oh
19:03Ah
19:04Courant
19:04Erm, it's a 16th century court dance
19:07Short steps forward, short steps back
19:09It's a bit mincing
19:10I think you'd be quite good at this, Jimmy
19:13Christmasy
19:13Merry Christmasy
19:14Nice
19:14So at the end of that, both teams have seven points
19:17Well done, Judy
19:18Er, okay, on to our first numbers round
19:21Er, John, Daisy, your turn to pick the numbers
19:23Would you like to pick the numbers?
19:24No
19:26Two big ones, please
19:27Three
19:29Three
19:30Five
19:31Four
19:32Fifty
19:32And 75
19:33Mm-hmm
19:34And the target
19:36667
19:37Okay, and your time starts
19:39Now
19:39We'll be right back now
19:58We'll be right back now
20:10Okay, so the target was 667
20:13Rob, did you get it?
20:15I got 669
20:16So, no
20:18Judy, did you get it?
20:19No
20:19Daisy, did you get it?
20:21I got nine
20:24I've written five plus four equals nine question mark
20:30Judy done that as 33, not two lots of three
20:35Uh, John, did you get it?
20:37Er, 666
20:38Ooh
20:39Ooh
20:40Ooh
20:40The number of the beast
20:42Mm-hmm
20:43At Christmas, John
20:44How could you?
20:45How did you do it?
20:46Er, five plus four is nine
20:48Mm-hmm
20:49Satanic
20:5075
20:51Evil
20:52675
20:53And then three threes and nine
20:54Mm-hmm
20:55Take it away
20:56666
20:58Wow
20:58Seven points to John
21:03Rachel, could it be done?
21:05It could if you say four times three is 12
21:09Times 50 is 600
21:12Yes
21:12And then add the 75
21:14And take the other three
21:14What are you saying yes for?
21:15Yeah
21:16I would be lucky
21:17Thank you, Ellie
21:19Okay, so Rob and Judy have seven
21:21John and Daisy have 14 points
21:22Wow
21:25And here is your teaser
21:27The words are
21:28I rub snow
21:29And the clue is
21:30The thicker the better
21:31That's I rub snow
21:31The thicker the better
21:32See you after the break
21:50Welcome back
21:50The answer to the teaser
21:51The words were
21:52The clue was
21:54The thicker the better
21:55It was of course
21:56Unibrows
21:57So
21:57John and Daisy are in the lead
22:00They've been playing in teams so far
22:01But this game
22:01Is just for Rob
22:03And Daisy
22:04So Daisy
22:05Your turn to choose
22:06Three vows please
22:07Three vows
22:07I think this is the moment
22:09Where we can get our points
22:10You're not playing
22:11And another one
22:12E
22:12U
22:13E
22:14And O
22:15And the rest
22:16The other ones
22:18Whatever
22:19We've got S
22:20Wow, thanks for taking such an interest
22:21G
22:23N
22:24Another S
22:27Another G
22:28Oh wow
22:28Hang on
22:29Oof
22:29OK, and your time starts now
22:32Just see those sleigh bells jingle and ring ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
22:41ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
22:45ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
22:45ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
22:46ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
22:48ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
22:48ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
22:48ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
22:49ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
22:50ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
22:50ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
22:50Fortunately rises together with you.
22:52Ring-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a
22:59-ding-a-ding-a-ding.
23:02LAUGHTER kişια-azione scatuja
23:07Nice.
23:10Oh, this is...
23:11This is a sweet ride.
23:15I've got presents.
23:19Who's that for me or Rob? That's for you. Can I open it now?
23:22Yeah, I think that's special for you. Oh my God. That's all I need.
23:27Oh, wow.
23:29Oh, was that the first facelift?
23:31This one, this one.
23:36Hang on.
23:38Oh.
23:39Jesus.
23:41I got you that.
23:43I thought you'd...
23:43Oh, what's this?
23:44Oh!
23:45Oh!
23:45Oh!
23:46Jesus.
23:46Oh my gosh.
23:48Oh, yes!
23:52They're not like, it's not like posed or cheesy.
23:55It's just...
23:56I could talk you through them.
23:58They're just candy shops.
23:59Oh, January.
24:00Yes.
24:01I mean, Jimmy, why didn't I get one of those?
24:02Because I fancy Jimmy.
24:04I really fancy him.
24:06Yeah, I can't talk when he's there.
24:08What is he like about him?
24:10I just think he's really fit.
24:16Which one of his faces do you like most?
24:18Yeah.
24:19All of them.
24:21What's your biggest fantasy that you have about Jimmy?
24:24What's your biggest fantasy?
24:25He says, don't worry about the maths bit,
24:29and we just get it on under the desk.
24:35The thing is, he's going to use that when he's about 90,
24:38once he's still doing TV.
24:40Driving himself in the studio like Elton John in a tracksuit.
24:46Oh.
24:47All right?
24:52Do you want to...
24:54Do you want to come for a right?
24:55I would love that.
24:57Yeah.
24:58Why not?
24:58Oh, are you getting in with him?
25:00Can you do the maths bit?
25:01Yeah.
25:07I do want to look at him.
25:07Look at that.
25:08Woo!
25:10Ooh.
25:11Charles, these times...
25:13Part of that, part of that.
25:18Part of that.
25:18Daisy!
25:19Oh, Ken!
25:22Oh, my God!
25:24It's a jip!
25:24I can't...
25:25There you go.
25:26Oh, fuck, love you.
25:26He's on route to his apple lodge.
25:28What is it?
25:29Oh, Daisy, how many?
25:30What?
25:33Oh, right, yes, letters.
25:36Do you remember the countdown?
25:37I got snogs.
25:39You got snogs?
25:42Did you?
25:56I'm not being frightened.
25:57LAUGHTER
25:59You got snogs, OK. Rob?
26:01I got five. Guess.
26:04APPLAUSE
26:06Pretty good.
26:08I'm going to have to drop you home.
26:10LAUGHTER
26:11Oh, I love this.
26:13Doesn't sound great, does it?
26:15LAUGHTER
26:16Do you know I lost my virginity in a Cleo?
26:20LAUGHTER
26:22LAUGHTER
26:22LAUGHTER
26:23LAUGHTER
26:24LAUGHTER
26:26Five points to both teams.
26:29APPLAUSE
26:31APPLAUSE
26:34Nice little Christmas drive.
26:36Good.
26:38That's fine.
26:39LAUGHTER
26:41The Bipolar Express.
26:44LAUGHTER
26:50Katie, Susie?
26:52Negusses.
26:52What?
26:53Negusses.
26:54Negusses.
26:55Yes, they are hot toddies.
26:57Hot drinks, port sugar, lemon and spice.
26:59Perfect for Christmas.
27:00Named after Colonel Francis Neguss, who created it.
27:03So, at the end of that, Rob and Judy have 12 points.
27:05John and Daisy have 19.
27:09APPLAUSE
27:13Well, it says here now it's time for John and Judy to go head-to-head in the maths.
27:17But is there any point of that?
27:19Should we just...
27:21Judy, your turn to pick the numbers.
27:23Three small and three big numbers.
27:26Three and three.
27:26We've got balance.
27:27Here we go.
27:28We've got ten, five, three, seventy-five, one hundred and fifty.
27:34And the target, 957.
27:37Woo!
27:37Your time starts now.
27:41The click-clock is turning me up.
27:50Can you help me?
27:51What's your name?
27:59Wait, wait.
28:09OK, so the target was 957.
28:12John, did you get it?
28:13I think I got 953.
28:15Judy, did you get it?
28:17Yeah.
28:18Rachel, take it easy.
28:19Judy's got this.
28:19OK.
28:20Why didn't Judy do it on the board?
28:24Seven points for Rachel writing it out again.
28:34Can I just make sure that Judy can't see Rachel's clipboard,
28:37just because I think they've probably both got it.
28:39It wouldn't help me.
28:39Oh, you're a petty, petty man.
28:41I just...
28:42Please make sure that Judy doesn't see the answers,
28:45because I would run to another seven points.
28:48Because I know the rules.
28:50Fuck off.
28:52Now it feels like Christmas.
28:55I did...
28:56Come on, Judy.
28:57...10 times...
28:5975.
29:00Yeah, is...
29:01Which is 750.
29:04Five and...
29:06And eight and three.
29:07Right?
29:08Hold on.
29:09And I added 100.
29:11That makes what?
29:13Eight.
29:1470.
29:15No, 50.
29:16What?
29:17Hold on.
29:19No, two times 50.
29:23That made nine, seven, five.
29:27And then I took the eight away, and then I took away the ten.
29:30LAUGHTER
29:33Nine, 57.
29:38Numbers.
29:39There's numbers.
29:39I used the numbers.
29:40Well, there isn't a two up there.
29:41Huh?
29:42Where was there a two?
29:43Who said anything about two?
29:4650 times two.
29:47I don't know where...
29:48You need to sort your maths out, babes.
29:51John, what did you get again?
29:53Nine, five, three.
29:54Go on, how did you do it for seven points?
29:55100 minus five.
29:5795.
29:59Times ten.
30:00950.
30:01Add three.
30:02953, seven points.
30:03Oh!
30:04Sorry!
30:06I know how I've got 920...
30:09Wait, hold on.
30:10No.
30:1010 times?
30:11No.
30:11Can I just...
30:12No.
30:13Happy New Year!
30:21Rachel, could it be done?
30:22If you say 75 plus five is 80.
30:26Yeah.
30:27100 over 50 is two.
30:29Exactly.
30:29Add it to 10 for 12.
30:31Ties them together for 960 and take away the three.
30:34There you go.
30:35I see it.
30:41OK, time now to go across to Dictionary Corner.
30:44Katie, what have you got for us?
30:45Er, well, Jimmy, I'm a female comedian,
30:48so men are terrified of me.
30:49I don't know why.
30:50You know, all I'm thinking when I meet a shy, introverted man
30:53in his mid-30s is,
30:55Speak up, you little simp.
30:57What do you mean you don't know how to drive?
31:00Do you drive?
31:02I'm driven.
31:10So, I'm actually, er,
31:12I'm taking a short break from dating at the moment
31:13to focus on my career as a godmother.
31:15I love being a godmother because you don't just spread your legs
31:17and become a godmother, do you?
31:20You're chosen.
31:24Right, I think I'm going to sing now.
31:30And...
31:30Now, Countdown.
31:33Where would anybody want to become a godmother?
31:35Well, I'll tell you, darlings,
31:36it's the power, it's the prestige.
31:38Come with me to the bottom of the garden,
31:41let's go see the toads.
31:44Each of them used to be my boyfriend.
31:47What is one of those?
31:49A suitor, a sweetheart, a fellow or a fellow.
31:52Just make sure they're not a DJ of the techno.
31:55What's a DJ?
31:56A boy who cannot love.
31:58Now, Mary introduced you to Geordie.
32:00This toad is Simon, his pits were always smelly.
32:03Little Jason Hill I took come upon my belly.
32:06Racist, sexist, creepy, dry, poor Charlie had a chode.
32:08And this one's just a regular toad.
32:10I'm your godmother now, listen to my tales.
32:14Eat my wordy warnings, my magic never fails.
32:16God Mummy Katie, Biddle Diddle Dom,
32:19I am brilliant, amazing woman.
32:23Then why aren't you married, Auntie Katie?
32:37Oh, thank you.
32:39So, I did sing that to my godson Jasper, who's five.
32:43And he looked up at me and he said,
32:45Katie, do you have friends?
32:48He said, yeah Jasper, I've got loads of friends
32:50because I don't have any children.
32:52LAUGHTER
32:57Katie Norris, everyone.
32:58Woo!
33:00OK, so, Rob and Judy have 12 points.
33:03John and Daisy have 26.
33:05Well done.
33:08And here is your teaser.
33:10The words are elf's tits.
33:12The clue is, which way are they leaning?
33:14That's elf's tits.
33:15Which way are they leaning?
33:16See you after the break.
33:18APPLAUSE
33:34Welcome back.
33:34The answer to the tease.
33:35The words were elf's tits.
33:37The clue was, which way are they leaning?
33:39It was, of course, leftists.
33:40OK, before we go on, he's not on the show tonight,
33:43but he's turned up anyway.
33:45It's Joe Wilkinson.
33:47APPLAUSE
34:00What?
34:08Right, Jimmy.
34:11Just bought some egg milk.
34:13Cos I love egg milk, so...
34:15What?
34:16Merry Christmas.
34:17LAUGHTER
34:17Oh, what's?
34:22Uh...
34:22Joe...
34:23Uh...
34:26Joe...
34:27Joe...
34:28Joe...
34:28Joe...
34:28Joe...
34:28Although, although, it can make my head swell up.
34:31LAUGHTER
34:33Basically, I'll be honest, I'm eggnog intolerant.
34:37LAUGHTER
34:38But it's Christmas, so you can't not have eggnog, can you?
34:41LAUGHTER
34:43You weren't drinking quite a lot of eggnog there.
34:45Fabio, I just want to bring you on a bit more eggnog,
34:47I'm out of eggnog.
34:50LAUGHTER
34:57LAUGHTER
34:59LAUGHTER
35:01LAUGHTER
35:02Thank you, mate.
35:04LAUGHTER
35:06LAUGHTER
35:06LAUGHTER
35:09Joe, what's going on?
35:11Oh, you're wondering why, um,
35:13Fabio brings his eggnog in his motorcycle sidecar?
35:17LAUGHTER
35:18It's because he's a fucking idiot.
35:20LAUGHTER
35:22LAUGHTER
35:27What's happening?
35:29Oh, John's upset.
35:30Oh, right, yeah.
35:31I know, it's John's upset.
35:32I know what's going on.
35:33You can sense when someone thinks they can drink more eggnog.
35:37LAUGHTER
35:41It's his gift.
35:44Well...
35:44APPLAUSE
35:45John, you reckon you can drink more eggnog than me?
35:47Well, all right, let's put your money where your mouth is.
35:49Let's play a little game I like to call...
35:52Can you drink more eggnog than me?
35:54LAUGHTER
35:54Can you drink more eggnog than me?
35:57Can you drink more eggnog than me?
35:59Can you drink more eggnog than me?
36:00Can you drink more eggnog than me?
36:05LAUGHTER
36:06It's a simple game, John.
36:08It's a simple game, John.
36:08It's to see if you can drink more eggnog than me.
36:11LAUGHTER
36:12When you're ready, Jimmy.
36:13Gentlemen, your time starts now.
36:16CHEERING
36:19I can feel a boil swelling up on the back of my head.
36:22Hold on.
36:23I can feel a boil swelling up on the back of my head.
36:26That is not good.
36:27There's a...
36:28Come on, John.
36:28It's gritty.
36:29It's definitely...
36:30John, you haven't even down the first one.
36:31It's a bit of balls!
36:32Come on, John!
36:34Come on, John.
36:38Ah...
36:39John, come on!
36:40Ah...
36:41Don't let it slow you down, John.
36:42Yeah, I think...
36:44Ah, there's pus in the...
36:46This is a very expensive suit.
36:48There's pus in the eggnog.
36:50There's pus in the eggnog.
36:52There's pus in the eggnog.
36:52There's some pus in the eggnog.
36:53There's some pus in the eggnog.
36:56I'm going to warn you, there's pus in the eggnog.
36:58There's pus in my hair!
37:00Do you know what?
37:02To be fair to John, there is some pus in the eggnog.
37:07Do you know what? Let's call it a draw.
37:09There's pus in the eggnog.
37:10We'll play it.
37:11Let's play Countdown!
37:14OK, on with the game.
37:22We were playing Countdown before whatever the fuck that was.
37:26Rob and Judy, your turn to choose.
37:28Right, here we go.
37:29Are you going to help?
37:30All right, I'll have a little sit down.
37:31I'll have a little sit down.
37:32You pick, darling.
37:33Are you doing it, Joe?
37:34Yeah.
37:34Can I get two vowels, please?
37:37Absolutely.
37:38Thank you, Jesus.
37:39I and an E, you all right?
37:40Yes, please, yeah.
37:41Three consonants.
37:42Three consonants, seems too many.
37:45P, M, W, or an H.
37:49PH.
37:50What's one of them?
37:51Three of them?
37:52Yeah, three of them, please.
37:53There could be M's or W's, it's up to you.
37:56I like it when Rachel does it.
37:58That could be one of those.
38:01You had a P earlier.
38:02Where's the P gone?
38:03Where's the P?
38:04It's absolutely none of your fucking business.
38:08Write down your shit and I'll do mine.
38:11Can I just confirm what we've got there?
38:13Can you read those letters to me?
38:14E, umla, ouch, and...
38:18Umla!
38:20A vowel, please.
38:21A vowel.
38:22Are we not having the P, then?
38:24He's gone.
38:24He's gone wrong.
38:25Love all right, OK.
38:28What's that one?
38:29Another bloody umla.
38:32OK, your time starts now.
38:36I don't know how to spell it or subtract it.
39:04LAUGHTER
39:05Rob, how many?
39:06Four.
39:06Four?
39:08Three, how many?
39:08Four.
39:09Home is my four.
39:11John, how many?
39:12Five.
39:13Ooh.
39:14OK, Daisy?
39:15Five, if that's definitely a W.
39:19OK, Rob?
39:20C-O-M-E, calm.
39:21As in all ye faithful.
39:23John, your five?
39:24Chime.
39:25Chime?
39:26Ooh!
39:27Oh, and Christmassy.
39:28Daisy, your five?
39:30I got hole.
39:32You got what?
39:33Hole.
39:34Can you stop trying to seduce me?
39:36Yes.
39:38Hole with a W.
39:40With an L?
39:41How did you get...
39:42Oh, well, what's that then?
39:43Oh, gosh.
39:45Now I've got nothing.
39:46I'm afraid at Christmas there's no L.
40:17One more.
40:18Oh!
40:18The clue is it's very good for you.
40:19That's elf sex ad.
40:20It's very good for you.
40:21See you after the break.
40:24Oh, well, what's that then?
40:38Welcome back.
40:39The answer to the teaser.
40:40The words were elf sex ad.
40:42The clue was it's very good for you.
40:44It was, of course, flaxseed.
40:46Okay, before we go on, as it's Christmas, let's play a quick game.
40:49I'll read out the first line of some classic Christmas cracker jokes.
40:52All you have to do is buzz in when you think you know the punchline.
40:55Could not be simpler.
40:56Five bonus points up on offer.
40:58So, let's play Pull My Cracker.
41:05Annoyingly, it does that when I say Pull My Cracker.
41:12Probably the best if no-one says it.
41:14Pull my.
41:14Pull My Cracker.
41:16Pull My Cracker.
41:21BUZZER
41:23Ouch!
41:26What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
41:28Father Christmas.
41:30And boys, er...
41:33Boxing Day.
41:35Any other guesses?
41:37Letter Y.
41:38That's the right boring answer.
41:40Yeah.
41:40APPLAUSE
41:45Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?
41:49BUZZER
41:50Because he doesn't believe in Western medicine.
41:53LAUGHTER
41:55That is the right...
41:57Yeah, that's the right answer.
41:58Yeah.
41:59BUZZER
42:00Because he's in good health.
42:01Yeah, I'll give you that.
42:02APPLAUSE
42:04Oh, nice.
42:05What is white and minty?
42:10BUZZER
42:11My ass.
42:12Jimmy Carver?
42:13LAUGHTER
42:18Sorry, Judy.
42:19Judy?
42:19I was just going to say Jimmy.
42:22What, white and minty?
42:23Yeah.
42:24LAUGHTER
42:24Yeah, that's exactly how I imagine him tasting.
42:29LAUGHTER
42:30How's your son?
42:33LAUGHTER
42:45A polo bear?
42:47A polo bear?
42:48A polo bear is the right answer.
42:49Oh.
42:50OK, John got the most right, so John gets the points.
42:53Oh.
42:54Oh, for Pete's sake.
42:55Oh, my God.
42:57APPLAUSE
42:58OK, time for our final letters game.
43:01John, Daisy, your turn to choose.
43:03You're welcome to choose, but if you're just going to do
43:05that three vowels, five consonants shit, I might do it myself.
43:07You do it, yeah.
43:08Can we have four vowels and five consonants, please?
43:11LAUGHTER
43:12I've got A, O, E, U, D, T, B, L, and D.
43:18And a bonus T.
43:21LAUGHTER
43:22OK, and your time starts now.
43:26Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.
43:34And since we've no place to go...
43:36Oh!
43:37Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
43:40Oh, the fire is slowly dying, and my dear, we're still good-bying.
43:47Oh, God, it's quiet.
43:49It's quiet.
43:49There's a lot here.
43:51Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
43:55It's full up in a nightclub in Essex.
43:58LAUGHTER
44:05Oh, God!
44:07Daisy, how many?
44:08Four.
44:09Four.
44:10OK, John, how many?
44:11Uh, seven.
44:13How many, Rob?
44:13Five.
44:14Five.
44:15Judy?
44:16Five.
44:17Your four, Daisy?
44:18Lube.
44:21Rob, your five?
44:22Tubed.
44:24It's been tubed.
44:27It's been tubed.
44:28It's been tubed.
44:28Is that good?
44:29Yes.
44:30Yes.
44:31Judy, your five.
44:32Adult.
44:33Adult.
44:34John for the seven.
44:36Uh, doubled.
44:37Whoa.
44:38Oh, my goodness!
44:40Seven points to the drop.
44:41Wow!
44:42I've got to get Jimmy, I've got to get Jimmy.
44:44I know.
44:44On the count of three.
44:45One, two, three.
44:47Hail Jimmy!
44:52Um, Katie, could they have done any better?
44:55Yeah, they could have had buttload for eight.
44:57Dead points.
44:59Is that a real word?
44:59Buttload?
45:00It is now.
45:03OK, so Rob and Judy have 12 points.
45:05John and Daisy have 43.
45:08APPLAUSE
45:12Now, as it's Christmas, you know we always do this on the show, yeah?
45:15Yeah.
45:16The conundrum at Christmas is worth 32 points.
45:19Yes!
45:19That's always been the tradition on this show.
45:22LAUGHTER
45:23So, for 32 points, here's today's crucial Christmas Countdown Conundrum.
45:38Oh, great, well, I'm sorry.
45:40LAUGHTER
45:41It's right there.
45:45R, E.
45:47Come on, it's right there.
45:48You can see it.
45:49I can see it, but I can't say it.
45:52They go round and round.
45:54Come on.
45:54Merry Cycle.
45:55Sorry, sorry.
45:56Merry Cycle.
45:57Come on.
45:58Go round and round.
46:00Come on.
46:01Come on.
46:04Carousels.
46:05Carousels.
46:11Merry Christmas.
46:17So, the final scores are...
46:20Now, John and Daisy have 43 points.
46:22Well done.
46:23Which means our winners, Rob and Judy, with 44 points.
46:27It's a Christmas miracle.
46:31Congratulations.
46:31You're now the proud owner of this.
46:33The Countdown.
46:35Elf upon a mantelpiece.
46:41Thanks to all our panelist, our wonderful studio audience,
46:44and to all of you for watching at home.
46:45That's it from us.
46:46Good night and Merry Christmas.
46:51Good night and Merry Christmas.
47:17Good night and Merry Christmas.
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