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8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown - S29E01 - 16 January 2026 [Full Movie] [English Subs]Full EP - Full
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00:00Welcome, on stage, Mr Jimmy Carr!
00:04Ta-da! Hey!
00:07What? Thank you. Thank you very much.
00:16Manage your expectations.
00:18Now, have we got a show for you?
00:20That remains to be seen.
00:22I'll tell you what we do have. Go wild and crazy.
00:24I'll bring them all out at the same time.
00:25We've got John Richardson, Rob Beckett, Judy Love,
00:27Katherine Parkinson, Susie Dent, Rachel Riley.
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:32That's something for the show.
00:35Let's count down.
00:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:38Get in there.
00:40Right.
00:42Let's go.
00:44Oh, yeah.
00:46Spoiler alert, John wins.
00:49LAUGHTER
00:50OK, everyone, we're ready to go. Let's do this.
01:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:27I
01:28Welcome to a 10 cats does countdown a show about letters numbers and conundrums. Okay, let's meet tonight's players. First
01:35up
01:35We've got team captain John Richardson
01:44Big dog daddy, that's what I'm talking about
01:48Well, one of those words is factually correct.
01:51Really? Yeah, and it's not big or dog.
01:54You've got to hand it to John, because he's so small,
01:57he can't reach it by himself.
02:01People meet me and they genuinely think I'm about three foot two.
02:05And John's teammate, Judy Love.
02:08Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
02:11Judy once went to a concert to see her favourite band, Blue,
02:14and got so excited that she threw her bra on stage,
02:18killing all four of them.
02:25Who's your favourite member of Blue? I love Blue.
02:28I think it was Simon. Simon was lovely.
02:30But the bra was, yeah, it did. It was like, it was like a tent.
02:34Like, one love, it was just like, yes.
02:37Up against them this evening, we've got team captain Rob Beckett.
02:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:46We do a lot of jokes about Rob's teeth,
02:48but, er, to be serious for a second,
02:50if you are feeding him, remember flat palm and let him come to you.
02:54LAUGHTER
02:58They're great teeth. Thanks.
03:00Are they, are they veneers or are they, they're your own teeth?
03:04Because they're good to see.
03:05Who would get that done?
03:06Sorry, I'm OK.
03:09They are big, aren't they?
03:10No, they're not.
03:11And when I laugh, it looks like they're running out.
03:14LAUGHTER
03:15Joining Rob tonight, it's Katherine Parkinson.
03:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
03:22Katherine is an actress in her 40s,
03:24so there's still lots of parts for her on television,
03:27whether she wants to play a divorced mother of five,
03:30an ageing spinster, or a kindly grandmother.
03:32There's all kinds of opportunities.
03:34LAUGHTER
03:36I'm only just in my 40s, I'm nearly out in my 40s,
03:39but, so, thank you.
03:40LAUGHTER
03:41Er, John, now, you recently... Hello.
03:43You voiced Grouchy Smurf in the Smurfs movie.
03:46How did you get that role? Why were you cast, do you think?
03:48LAUGHTER
03:49Well, I think Fanny Smasher Smurf had already been cast.
03:52LAUGHTER
03:55Yeah, it's, er...
03:58It's in the deleted scenes, but it's well worth checking out.
04:01LAUGHTER
04:01If you nip out to the toilet,
04:03there's a chance you missed my entire input to the film.
04:06LAUGHTER
04:06Technically, I was in a film with Rihanna,
04:08and she doesn't know who the hell I am.
04:11LAUGHTER
04:13You were in a film, haven't you?
04:14You were like a bird that commentates on films.
04:16Yes.
04:17And you were in Cinderella, which we love.
04:19Yes, I was in Cinderella, but...
04:21Really? You were what?
04:22Acting.
04:23LAUGHTER
04:25What part in Cinderella?
04:27I was the pervert trying to get off of her.
04:30LAUGHTER
04:30It's good they let you keep the glasses, though.
04:33LAUGHTER
04:35Can I, erm...
04:36Go on.
04:36...tell you that, I mean, part of the reason we watched that
04:39is because, erm, my husband originally had that part,
04:43but they, erm, had him in his costume and he did a scene
04:46and they thought he looked too pervy.
04:49LAUGHTER
04:50So they've got someone who looks pervy.
04:52LAUGHTER
04:53Well, I think, though, Camilla Gabbau look very young as Cinderella.
04:56She looked very young, and my husband is, yes, my age.
04:59And a convicted pervert.
05:02OK.
05:03Judy, what would be your perfect day off?
05:05Er, I think it'd be at home not having to do any kind of maths
05:10or work with numbers and words and shit like this.
05:14LAUGHTER
05:16I don't want to cook, I don't want to talk to no-one,
05:18I don't want to, no, I don't want to do anything.
05:20I'll be honest, you get bored of it.
05:22You asked me, what, who said I'd get bored?
05:23I've got kids.
05:24When you say you've got kids, how many kids you got?
05:26Two, yeah, two.
05:27They're not kids, how old are they, Judy? One's 20.
05:29One's, yeah, but...
05:31That doesn't count.
05:31You're not on the front line of a three-year-old.
05:34Er, Rob.
05:35You got a mascot?
05:36Yes, I do, I have got a mascot, actually.
05:38Erm, so, one of my favourite pastimes, erm,
05:41a little hobby of mine is tripping up children.
05:43LAUGHTER
05:44Erm, when you've got kids, you're a lot of parties, soft plays,
05:47and there's always a couple of idiot kids
05:49that are being mean to your kids.
05:51So a little, as they're sprinting past, being able to...
05:53..a little leg out.
05:55LAUGHTER
05:56Just to catch them on the run and...
05:59Ever do it to your own child, or...?
06:00No, I don't, no.
06:01No, I don't just do it to all children.
06:03It's just, you know, I'm getting older,
06:04kids are getting younger and quicker and stuff like that,
06:06so what I've got is I've had some special shoes made
06:08to help me with the tripping up,
06:11cos it can get difficult.
06:12I've got these.
06:13They're only a prototype.
06:14I think they're going to take off.
06:17LAUGHTER
06:23Can you see these now? Yeah, I'd like to see these.
06:27Yeah, see, like, obviously, I've got them to look like
06:29normal shoes that people don't notice.
06:31LAUGHTER
06:32Yeah, no, I'll come round and show you what...
06:34Oh!
06:35I don't know if you...
06:36LAUGHTER
06:38It's not really that...
06:39What's that?
06:39What's that?
06:40What?
06:42Well, you can tell...
06:44You can tell when you know.
06:45LAUGHTER
06:49THEY LAUGH
06:51THEY LAUGH
06:52They're cool, they're really cool.
06:53They're right, aren't they?
06:54I think they might catch on.
06:55It's like a classic pair of sort of laced-up trainers.
06:58Say you're at a party, you just sat down having a chat.
07:02LAUGHTER
07:02You're having a drink,
07:03kid run past, in a coffee shop,
07:05fuck off!
07:07And then you're just easy to go,
07:09TWAT!
07:11LAUGHTER
07:11Can you run in those?
07:12What's that?
07:13Can you...?
07:13I'm not chasing kids.
07:15You look like someone who chases kids.
07:18LAUGHTER
07:23LAUGHTER
07:30Oh, that's really good.
07:31Oh, my God, very good.
07:34That was...
07:35That was close, though.
07:37He nearly went.
07:38Yeah, so, if you want to pair, let me know I'm going to start a...
07:41Crowdfunder.
07:42LAUGHTER
07:44LAUGHTER
07:48It's quite a long one.
07:50Well, Becca, everyone.
07:51He's got a match of shoes.
07:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:57It's got a sort of...
07:59Oh, my...
08:00Catherine, um...
08:02Catherine, have you got a mascot?
08:03Yeah, but it's nothing like that.
08:04I mean, you've created yours.
08:06Have you made those yourself?
08:07Absolutely.
08:08That's...
08:09Absolutely, yeah.
08:09This is...
08:10This is shop-bought, what I've got.
08:12And it's just to relieve tension in the drawer,
08:15but when I first got it, I did...
08:17I used it this way for quite a while
08:19until somebody told me it was actually this way.
08:22What...
08:23And you do it, put it...
08:24Oh, my God.
08:25Oh, my God.
08:26What is going on there?
08:27It looks good.
08:28Ah!
08:29That's very briefly, like, the same work that I've had done.
08:33LAUGHTER
08:33It'll have bits of my dead skin on it now, but...
08:36Not a problem.
08:36Go ahead.
08:40Nice, isn't it?
08:42It's nice, isn't it?
08:42It doesn't look great.
08:44Someone...
08:45Someone's going to Photoshop something in there, Rob.
08:48LAUGHTER
08:49As it pushes its back, it unlocks the jaw.
08:52It does, it does.
08:53Because they're white as well, it looks like your teeth are sort of escaping.
08:57LAUGHTER
08:58Just kind of pull them back.
09:00Ah, Judy, have you got a mascot?
09:02I have...
09:03Because when I come on the show, I get a bit nervous.
09:06I'm always worried about, like, what's going to be the end result.
09:10But because of that, I thought, let me just relax myself.
09:13I've got my crystal ball so I can get predictions.
09:18Ooh!
09:19Yeah.
09:19I can see things, like, now I can see this gorgeous, gorgeous woman.
09:24Very, very...
09:25Oh, God, look at her.
09:26Just hot.
09:27Oh, sorry, that's me.
09:28Sorry.
09:29LAUGHTER
09:30But I can see lots of little things.
09:32I can see John at home by himself, arguing with a thermostat.
09:38LAUGHTER
09:40I'm not paying these prices, I'll put a cardio on.
09:42Yeah, yeah.
09:44Susie...
09:44I can see Susie in the afterlife having a conversation.
09:48Well, actually, pulling up God, because he said Pacific
09:51instead of specific.
09:53LAUGHTER
09:54Have a break, girl. Have a break.
09:56Do you know what I mean?
09:57So, yeah, I can see...
09:59Susie's dead in that.
10:00Yeah, but she's got...
10:01You buried the lead on that.
10:02How did she die?
10:03She doesn't die by being tripped up, does she?
10:06LAUGHTER
10:07But what I mainly can predict is that we're going to win.
10:12The silence!
10:13That was killing!
10:15LAUGHTER
10:16Of course, Susie, let's enjoy while we've got it.
10:18OK, John, have you got a mascot?
10:20Yes, well, it's a business venture, really, Jimmy.
10:22Oh!
10:23So, I've gone into music, tribute bands,
10:26a lot of coin in tributes.
10:28So, I found this guy who does Elvis, first of all.
10:31He was my first act, but he was a bit...
10:33Well, he was shit.
10:34So, people would ask who he was.
10:36So, we had to rename him Elvish.
10:39LAUGHTER
10:40So, sometimes, sometimes you want to update an act
10:43while you're doing the tribute.
10:44Mm.
10:44So, I've got a modern Johnny Cash, er, called Johnny Contactless.
10:49LAUGHTER
10:51And I sort of brought all the songs up into the modern age.
10:55He's got a song about Dodgy Market called Ring of Fire Sticks.
10:58LAUGHTER
10:59I've got a one-man Led Zeppelin, cos I can't afford all of them,
11:03so that's Les Zeppelin.
11:06LAUGHTER
11:07I've got loads of these.
11:08I've got a one-man Iron Maiden.
11:10Brian Maiden.
11:13I've got as many of these as you want.
11:14One man, take that.
11:15Jake, that.
11:16LAUGHTER
11:18And then I saw the Oasis gigs and I thought,
11:20well, there's got to be coin in that.
11:21I thought, one thing that puts people off going to the Oasis gigs,
11:24I think there's a bit of a reputation for being quite laddy
11:26and quite unpleasant, or piss-throwing and all that.
11:29So, I thought, how do you change that?
11:30Well, you just...
11:31The music speaks for itself,
11:32so you just make it less laddy and less toxic.
11:34So, I've got a tribute band called Oasissters.
11:37LAUGHTER
11:38And I'm delighted to say, making their TV debut,
11:41I've brought them along tonight.
11:42So, ladies and gentlemen, Oasissters are here.
11:45APPLAUSE
11:57So Sally can't wait
12:00She knows it's too late
12:02But we're walking on by
12:07The soul slides away
12:13Don't look back in anger
12:15I've heard you say
12:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
12:25You were slightly okay.
12:27You were.
12:28The only key that I need
12:30is the one that I'm going to scrape down your fucking cat.
12:33LAUGHTER
12:34You know, you are a woman with a soup spoon
12:38and a world full of steak.
12:41LAUGHTER
12:43I've had a fucking enough of this.
12:45I'm fucking off.
12:47You, you weasel in cardigan-wearing little squat.
12:52LAUGHTER
12:52You'd better pay us what you'd owe.
12:55Yeah, I agree with her, actually.
12:57And I've got big hands.
12:59LAUGHTER
13:05And over in Dictionary Corner, please welcome Spencer Jones.
13:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
13:30Empty the bag, put the bag on your head like that,
13:33put that round that ear like that
13:34and then round it round up like that
13:35and then...
13:36...oh-ho!
13:39HE-HO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO...
13:42You might be my get signed by John.
13:45I'll take it.
13:46Want some more?
13:47LAUGHTER
13:49I'm sure the best thing I came up with in lockdown.
13:51All right?
13:52I'll be honest, it's the only thing I came up with in lockdown.
13:57Happy Mother's Day!
14:06I've got banned! I've got banned from TikTok for that.
14:09Oh, my God!
14:12There's one other thing. There we go.
14:15Sometimes when you visit in a hospital, you know, it's a sad time.
14:18People are dying.
14:19But they've got plenty of these knocking around, which you can nick.
14:22You know, no-one will have a go at you.
14:24You can do sort of like, you lie, it's fine!
14:27LAUGHTER
14:33It's too cheap.
14:35Anyone got work tomorrow?
14:38Me too.
14:40What you can do, when you pull up like that, you put one finger in like that,
14:43and then that one comes through there like that,
14:44and then that finger go in there like that,
14:46and then that one and that, and then...
14:48LAUGHTER
14:48LAUGHTER
14:53And they'll be dying, but they'll be laughing.
14:56And then what you can do, you squeeze it like that,
14:58and then twist it like that, and then...
15:00It's like that.
15:03LAUGHTER
15:05APPLAUSE
15:13And with Spencer, of course, it's Susie Dent.
15:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:20Last Valentine's Day, Susie Dent co-wrote a romantic radio drama.
15:24I listened to it, Susie, and I'll be honest with you, I was bored stiff.
15:26LAUGHTER
15:28Susie, what words make you laugh?
15:31Lots of words make me laugh.
15:33In the historical dictionary,
15:35there's a word for someone who wishes bad luck upon someone else,
15:39and they're described as ill-willy.
15:41If you are kind towards someone, you were good-willy.
15:44And if you really wish death and destruction on someone,
15:47you were evil-willy.
15:49And these were all from the 17th century.
15:51I can't imagine you've ever been described as being good-willy.
15:54LAUGHTER
15:55OK.
15:56And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley.
15:59APPLAUSE
16:04Rachel, have you ever been tempted to get a tattoo?
16:07You know, I feel like everyone's got one except me,
16:09so I would quite like to get one.
16:11My brother's got absolutely loads,
16:13but you've got to get it right, haven't you?
16:14You've got to get something meaningful,
16:15and something you don't regret.
16:16So, I'm thinking of getting your face, like, here,
16:21so, like, the mouth can be my belly button,
16:23because, basically, I really want to know what it looks like
16:25to see your face on real human skin.
16:29LAUGHTER
16:36OK, the prize that teams will be competing for tonight
16:38is this, the Countdown Fencing Kit.
16:40APPLAUSE
16:48This should be good.
16:50Oh.
16:51Ooh.
16:51Maybe get...
16:52Maybe a little bit closer together, guys.
16:54Just edge...
16:54Maybe a little bit...
16:56Just a touch closer.
16:57Just a tad...
17:00LAUGHTER
17:09I thought they were beekeepers.
17:12One in the blue, let's see your face.
17:14Hey.
17:15I knew the second one was a brother.
17:16I knew it.
17:17I don't know, it was just something in his walk,
17:19I said that to you.
17:19You said, you said,
17:20I could tell from his walk he was black,
17:22and I didn't know what to say.
17:24LAUGHTER
17:25Literally.
17:26Yeah.
17:27I've whispered it to John, I was hoping John would say it.
17:29Yeah.
17:30But I didn't want it to get cancelled,
17:31but I just saw it in his walk.
17:34LAUGHTER
17:35I don't know what that man is called, but, um...
17:38RUN!
17:39LAUGHTER
17:41OK, let's Countdown everyone.
17:43Time for the first game.
17:43Rob and Catherine, you get the first pick of the letters.
17:46A vowel, please.
17:47Yeah.
17:48Can I have an E?
17:48A consonant, please.
17:51N.
17:52Uh, another vowel, please.
17:54A.
17:55Uh, a consonant.
17:56G.
17:57Another vowel, please.
17:59I.
17:59A consonant.
18:00S.
18:01Uh, uh, another consonant, please.
18:03L.
18:04A vowel.
18:05U.
18:06And another vowel, please.
18:10LAUGHTER
18:11Can we stop a second?
18:13When you said that, the crowd oohed,
18:15which I felt like you'd made a bad joke.
18:18It was a bad decision, but I wasn't listening probably so much.
18:20Shall we switch...?
18:20Do we think that's too many vowels?
18:22Can I...
18:22Consonant, please?
18:23Consonant.
18:23Yeah, go for it, go for it, please.
18:25Very unusual that someone messes up the picking of the letters.
18:28LAUGHTER
18:29OK, while you crack on with that, I've got a side hustle.
18:31I'm a couples therapist.
18:33LAUGHTER
18:35OK.
18:37Right.
18:38Good luck.
18:41Next.
18:49This is, uh, this is Mark Obama and Oprah Woofrey.
18:55Um...
18:55Your time starts now.
18:57Uh, well, where should we begin?
18:59OK, well, tell me about your sex life.
19:01LAUGHTER
19:03So you just do it doggy style, do you?
19:06LAUGHTER
19:07Bark Obama, you're saying she won't let you bury her bone any more.
19:11LAUGHTER
19:13You can't, if you don't mind me saying, real dog breath.
19:15LAUGHTER
19:16How did you two meet?
19:17LAUGHTER
19:18Dogging.
19:20LAUGHTER
19:20Mate, I think you should leave her, she's a bitch.
19:23LAUGHTER
19:27Well, I see you two have, uh, made up now, so that'll be £500, please.
19:32LAUGHTER
19:34OK, round of applause, everyone, for our dogs and their handlers.
19:39APPLAUSE
19:43Uh, Rob, how many?
19:45Six.
19:46Catherine, how many?
19:47Six.
19:48Six, OK.
19:49Uh, Judy?
19:49Six.
19:50John, how many?
19:51Seven.
19:51Seven.
19:52OK, Rob, what's your six?
19:53Aliens.
19:54Catherine, your six?
19:55Claws.
19:56OK.
19:56Oh, nice.
19:57Uh, Judy, your six?
19:58I had uncles.
20:00Uh, John, for the win, your seven.
20:03Uh, glances.
20:05Oh!
20:06Wow!
20:07APPLAUSE
20:07Seven points to John.
20:12Uh, Susie, could they have done any better?
20:14You could have had lunacies for eight.
20:16So, at the end of that, John and Judy are in the lead with seven points.
20:19APPLAUSE
20:22On to our first numbers round.
20:24Judy, you get your pick of the numbers.
20:27Uh...
20:27No, just do it.
20:28Ten.
20:29Ten?
20:29Ten?
20:30You can have up to four big ones.
20:32Yeah.
20:33And then the rest little ones.
20:34So, I'll pick...
20:37Ten.
20:38No.
20:39What numbers?
20:41Well, you don't get to pick the numbers, that's why it's fun.
20:43LAUGHTER
20:43So, you get to say two big or three big or four big.
20:47OK, so, three big ones.
20:49Three big ones.
20:49Ooh.
20:50And how many?
20:51Four?
20:51I don't think we were going to win this round.
20:54LAUGHTER
20:54Four small ones.
20:56Shall we go for three small ones?
20:57Yeah, three small.
20:58How many numbers can we pick all together?
20:59Six.
21:00It's changed.
21:01Has that changed?
21:02They haven't even changed the fucking chair.
21:04Babe, please.
21:06LAUGHTER
21:06Richard Whiteley died in that chair.
21:08They haven't changed the fucking game.
21:10LAUGHTER
21:11It was different last time, when I was picking numbers.
21:15It's exactly the same.
21:16You predicted the future tonight, you didn't see this coming.
21:20LAUGHTER
21:20OK, your three small ones.
21:21Seven, nine and ten.
21:24You've got your ten.
21:25And the big ones.
21:26Fifty, twenty-five and one hundred.
21:29Oh, yes!
21:29I remember that.
21:30LAUGHTER
21:32112.
21:32OK, your target is 112.
21:34Your time starts now.
21:36Do you have to use...
21:36I'm sorry.
21:38I've missed it.
21:39I'm sorry.
21:40LAUGHTER
21:41Right, I'm just going to do it.
21:44Oh, I know.
21:49OK.
22:08No-one else.
22:17Rob, did you get it?
22:19Yeah!
22:21First time ever.
22:22Really quick.
22:23Taking them over.
22:24Can I check, you don't have to use all the numbers, do you?
22:26Yes.
22:27OK.
22:28We don't have to use all the numbers.
22:31Judy.
22:34Judy.
22:35Did you get it?
22:36Well, if I knew that we didn't have to use all the numbers, of course I would have
22:40bloody got it.
22:41I would have got it.
22:42I got 99.
22:45LAUGHTER
22:52Yeah.
22:53Shut it out.
22:55So I did...
22:56Oh, did you get less than 100?
22:59There's a fucking 100 there!
23:02100 take away 50 equals 50.
23:05LAUGHTER
23:07Take away 25 equals 25.
23:11And then 25 take away 10 left 15.
23:14And then...
23:16LAUGHTER
23:17Added 15 to 100 was 115.
23:21Oh, my God.
23:22And then I added 7 and 9, which was 16.
23:25And took away 16 from 115, which was 99.
23:32APPLAUSE
23:38Wow.
23:39Judy, do you want to be my accountant?
23:42LAUGHTER
23:45Wow.
23:47Catherine, did you get it?
23:48I hope so, having sort of whooped and sort of been all pleased with myself.
23:52But I did get it, I think.
23:53Well, talk us through it.
23:54So, 9 take away 7 is 2.
23:55That was the hard bit.
23:58Plus 10 is 12.
23:59Plus 100 is 112.
24:01Yep.
24:02APPLAUSE
24:03Oh!
24:05I didn't think that would happen.
24:06Um, John, did you get it?
24:08I did 50 over 10, plus 7 for the 12.
24:11Yeah, that would do.
24:12Nice.
24:1210 points for both teams.
24:14APPLAUSE
24:15And here is your teaser.
24:17The words are wang, sight, the clue is...
24:20Is it hot in here?
24:20That's wang, sight.
24:22Is it hot in here?
24:23See you after the break.
24:28APPLAUSE
24:40Welcome back.
24:41The answer to the teaser.
24:42The words were wang, sight, the clue was...
24:44Is it hot in here?
24:45Is of course sweating.
24:47OK, so John and Judy are in the lead.
24:49They've been playing in teams so far, but this game is just for Rob and Judy.
24:53Huh?
24:54Jesus.
24:54So, Judy, your turn to choose the letters.
24:56Val.
24:57Yep.
24:58Nailed it.
24:58E.
24:59Consonant.
25:00T.
25:01Consonant.
25:03John, while this is going on, we should probably...
25:06Val.
25:06A.
25:07Val.
25:07I put just Pilates.
25:09Oh, yeah, great.
25:11Val.
25:11Shall we?
25:12Yeah, we shall.
25:13Continent.
25:15T.
25:15Continent.
25:16It's not that I'm not interested, I just think this is going to be shit.
25:20Val.
25:20If I go...
25:22And...
25:22E.
25:23Right.
25:24I've actually only hired one machine, so we'll both have to go on at the same time.
25:27So, if you go...
25:27There.
25:28Yeah?
25:28Yeah, you grab that.
25:29Yeah.
25:32Was it lentils again, was it?
25:36OK, your time starts...
25:38Now.
25:39Can you feel the burn?
25:44Can you feel the burn?
25:48Can you feel the burn?
25:50Can you feel the burn?
25:59Can you feel the burn?
26:00Can you feel the burn?
26:02Can you feel the burn?
26:04Can you feel the burn?
26:05Can you feel the burn?
26:08Can you feel the burn?
26:10Oh
26:18So John Jim do you mind if I just take the tip out?
26:24I've got tear if that's anything
26:27Judy love have you got your phone out? I was just checking the spelling
26:34So sorry John do
26:39Yeah
26:40That reform Pilates
26:45It's really good. I liked it. Yeah, but it's nice to be intimate up
26:49Judy how many five six?
26:53Five six, okay, Rob. How many did you get okay? We're behind I've got a solid six long after I'm
26:58just gonna
26:58I'm going in for a seven. Okay. All right, so Judy. What is your six? I've got stereo
27:06to ease
27:06The stereo there's two easy, right? Yeah, there are two east. Sorry. Yeah
27:17I'm sorry to have to do this, but you're fired. Yeah
27:21Anyway, sorry stereo very good. Thank you
27:26Rob your risky seven
27:28Yeah, well, I know first of all I fucked up
27:34It was risky anyway, but it's even riskier now that I've included a third a
27:46I've got a place as a backup for seven if that's allowed. No, it's just Rob. No, okay
28:08I have six points to Judy last
28:14Susie Spencer could they have done any better toastier for eight?
28:18Tearious for eight and treatise for eight right now time for John and Catherine to go head-to-head
28:23Catherine your turn to pick the numbers pick a big number
28:32Yeah, four small ones. Yeah, because two plus four equals six
28:37Judy write that down it might come in handy
28:40Once we have ten six five four and then your big two fifty and twenty-five
28:47Help me please now the target 223 feel sick. Okay your time starts now
29:24Okay, so your target was
29:27223
29:28John, did you get it? 224 a little bit disappointed. Catherine. Did you get it? Oh?
29:34224
29:35But I was very pleased with that
29:38Okay, how did you that's what I was going for 25 times 10 25 times a 250 five times?
29:485 times 4 20 take away 20 from 250 and then 230 minus 6. Yeah
29:54224 108. John, how would you have done it?
29:57Had you not been an idiot if I hadn't recently been penetrated in the workplace
30:0350 times 4 is 200 200 add 25 225 and then 10 over 5 is 2. Yeah, well done
30:15So John you didn't get it in time so seven points for both teams
30:20Time now to go across to the dictionary corner. Spencer, what have you got for us?
30:24Well
30:26When I was younger my Nan and Grandad had a
30:31A really really aggressive parrot called Bobby
30:34Bobby was ringside for every single argument my Nan and Grandad ever had and he learned a lot of their
30:40They're swear words, so I'm gonna show you Bobby right now
30:43But firstly, I've got to put this here like that
30:50You go to work, Dad. Yeah, I'm going to work
30:55So that's like that. Yeah, and then grab that
31:00Like that
31:09Every day stuck in this cage
31:15I just want to fly away
31:20Every day looking at these walls
31:23Oh
31:25But no one hears my calls
31:30Who's a pretty boy? I'm a pretty boy
31:32Who's a pretty boy? I'm a pretty boy
31:34They ask me all the time
31:37They're always asking me
31:41Holding this together
31:46It's a whole lot of feathers
31:51Oh
31:52Oi
31:53Stop that, you dirty bugger
31:55Stop that, Derek
31:56No
31:56No
31:57No
31:58No, that's not my milk
32:00That's my milk
32:01No, you can't part there
32:03No, stop it
32:04That is not my smell
32:06I did not fart
32:09Can't part there
32:09Can't part there
32:11Stop it, Derek
32:12I thought I'd be dead by now
32:13Anyway, just that bit
32:19Thank you
32:19Spencer Jones, everyone
32:22Right, here is your teaser
32:23The words are
32:24Arse snob
32:25The clue is
32:26Thank you, my lady
32:27That's arse snob
32:28Thank you, my lady
32:29See you after the break
32:31APPLAUSE
32:46Welcome back the answer to the teaser the words were our snob the clue was thank you m'lady it
32:51was of course
32:52Baroness
32:59If you could do it when we can score some fucking points it might be helpful
33:03Now the keen-eyed viewer might have noticed that I've added an extra player it's because Rob and Katherine are
33:10You're lagging behind so I thought I'll give you an extra team member. Please welcome everyone comedian John Tottil
33:19It looks like if you asked AI to draw a picture of Henry VIII before he let himself go
33:26I think I look a bit like your long-lost
33:29Oh
33:39Dragged into the gingers
33:45I'm 28 28
33:48So almost his age
33:5639 so actually from where I'm from old enough
34:01So John welcome to the show now used to be a teacher is that right? Yes, that's right
34:05Yeah, I used to work in a primary school
34:06I'm slightly worried that I've been brought on here to support the losing team, but I was not a good
34:11teacher
34:11I was a run as a really but I was in the words of one of my own students a
34:14dog shit teacher
34:16I taught year four
34:20Do you think you're going to help this team? No
34:24I really can't I can't even count down
34:27Counting up you should see me counting up fucking hell one two three. I could go on
34:33You only practice once a year at New Year's Eve didn't you?
34:36No, I used to practice in wet play wet play over the horrible phrase isn't it wet play
34:42If I'm honest if you're a woman over a certain age wet play is a good word
34:48John have you got mascara? I do yes, yes
34:52This is my clarinet. Oh now there you go
34:54I don't make much sense as a person unless you know that all I did for the first
35:0018 years of my life was practice clarinet
35:04Now I haven't come here to brag or anything but between you and me I am what you would call
35:09Seriously good at the clarinet wow and you know that's true because why would I lie about that?
35:14I'm not coming here going the thing is guys I'm really good in bed
35:17I'm not I'm nothing to write home about in bed whatsoever
35:18What I'm really good at is the clarinet you wouldn't lie about it with a clarinet in your hand
35:25You don't whip that out for wet play do you?
35:30Can we get a little sample of this uh of course you can
35:56There's not a dry seat in the house
36:00We're gonna fuck you up john tottle
36:04Look what those fingers can do with a clarinet wait till he gets on a biro
36:08Okay, john tottle your turn to pick the letters oh great. Okay, could I please have a vowel?
36:14Yeah, he's already more confident than us. Yeah, could I have a consonant and another consonant, please?
36:19D vowel, please God feel so confident. I feel really safe. I say yeah
36:25Another vowel, please
36:27Hey, um, could I have a consonant, please? T another consonant
36:32And I'm a consonant, please
36:34T and one last vowel, please
36:36And thank you and any can you do this and play the countdown theme on the clarinet at the same
36:41time?
36:41I'll give it a go. I thought it's done to me. Yeah
36:46Okay, and your time starts a two three four now
37:13Don't stop
37:27I've got seven john what have you got?
37:30I've got zero. He's got nothing. You got nothing. You're playing the clarinet
37:32I was playing the clarinet. Yeah, I've got an alibi. Yeah, Katherine you've got seven judy
37:36How many six five four four five?
37:40Five. I've got a name Dante
37:44Nice, classy
37:45Dante. Okay, John, how many?
37:48Eight
37:48We're all having fun over it. I think we've done well. You slide your eight in
37:51What's your eight?
37:53I did that on the pilates earlier
37:56Katherine, what's your word? Tainted
37:58Tainted
37:58Oh, nice
37:59Oh
38:01Rob, you're seven
38:02Tainted
38:02Touch me, baby
38:07I love john richard lovely guy, but when he's we need this little weasel comes out
38:13Okay, John, what is your eight?
38:16Dominate
38:18Okay, so that's eight points to john
38:21Okay, spencer uh susie could they have done any better?
38:24Not any better. We've got two other eights antidote and a word I never heard before tomarteen
38:30Tomarteen yes, it's a compound in tomatoes
38:32So at the end of that john and judy are in the lead with 38 points
38:41Time once again to cross to dictionary corner. Spencer, what have you got for us?
38:46Um, well currently i'm a bit skint but eventually you get paid and you go from
38:49i'm just gonna have beans and toast tonight to this guy
38:55Just been paid, ain't i
38:58Put your money away mate i'll get these
39:01Uh 12 zambucas please mate does anyone else want 12 zambucas they're all for me
39:06While you've been skint you've been having a little look online you might have been having a
39:10look at a new laptop susie um but that little voice in your head once you start it starts to
39:15get louder and louder starts going i'm gonna buy a step ladder
39:18It's useful
39:22Healy's in my size
39:27So i bought that
39:35You know like everyone's got a rap song that they swear they know the words to
39:39but they don't know the words you know that song they don't know the words they just know how every
39:43word sounds happens in the car with me the rap song will come and i'll go kids i know this
39:47one
39:47from back in the day don't know the words just make up the words it's like
39:50Scam scams got a poop at the teeth he's got a ram bam booby bumbadop in a knee
39:55Shut the night the camera show me to say he said a cry scat pappadop a dominant name
40:00It's not about it oh the crowds are shouted she's good about the dumb and i'm in the can damn
40:05be said i dreaded mine i'm bumming the mirror
40:12Spencer Jones everyone
40:17And here is your final teaser the words are rob's pole the clue is try and keep a straight face
40:23that's
40:23rob's pole try and keep a straight face see you after the break
40:39welcome back the answer to the teaser the words were rob's pole the clue was try and keep a straight
40:44face it was of course bloopers okay time for our final letters game john and judy your turn to choose
40:50the letters go on king late wow daddy's got this daddy
40:59well you've ruined that jimmy's jimmy's getting his gloves up
41:05you ready for daddy
41:09that's how he eats a sandwich fucking serial killer
41:15may i have a consonant please rachel may n and a vowel please o
41:23well i've got two two words too low
41:28and we're gonna stick thank you
41:32a consonant please l and a vowel please
41:37u and a consonant please r a vowel please e
41:44and a consonant please q okay while you do that i've got a patient to see
41:48a consonant please a consonant please okay oh these are all a consonant please
41:56and a final g oh dear
42:01okay next
42:05oh you again with the dog breath how's the missus
42:10okay you can brush your little teeth ins okay your time starts now
42:17okay how are you canines such a good boy
42:22want a brush brush brush
42:25nice isn't it
42:38okay
42:39yeah
42:39yeah
42:39I don't know if I'm going to treat you.
42:48Robin, is this your dog?
42:50Yeah.
42:52Kurt, could you give me a smile there, cos it's quite a...
42:58Quite a resemblance.
43:00Go on, you've got a mummy.
43:04Catherine, John, Rob, how many?
43:06I've got a five. OK, John?
43:08I've got a three. I'll let you down.
43:10A three? Catherine, how many?
43:12I've got seven, Jimmy.
43:13OK. Judy, how many?
43:15Surprisingly, two.
43:17We've got a seven.
43:19Judy and I, we've got a seven, yeah.
43:23Judy, what's your two?
43:26No.
43:28John, what's your...?
43:30No. N-O-R.
43:32No. No. No.
43:34Yeah, Rob.
43:35Loner. Loner.
43:36Very good.
43:37John, your seven?
43:38I want to hear it.
43:40Traditionally on the show, you go with the risky one first.
43:42OK, all right, let's go with it.
43:43But no, I don't give a shit, cos I'm just...
43:45Do you not give a shit or are you really annoyed?
43:47I'm here for shits and giggles, mate, and I've already had one.
43:50Can I...
43:50LAUGHTER
43:52LAUGHTER
43:53LAUGHTER
43:56Lounger.
43:57Catherine, is that your seven?
43:58Well, similar.
43:59I've got longer, but I don't...
44:02Oh, lovely.
44:03I think you need two u's for that.
44:05So it's L-O-N-G-U-E-U-R.
44:07Seven points to John.
44:10APPLAUSE
44:15Spencer, Susie, could they have done any better?
44:18No, Lounger was ours as well.
44:19Now, whenever we have the clarinet played on the show,
44:23we do something a little bit special.
44:24The traditional countdown is a 29-point conundrum.
44:27LAUGHTER
44:27I look forward to losing that.
44:29You're being...
44:30You're being patronised, Rob, and I wouldn't stand for it.
44:33OK, fingers on buzzers, it's time for today's 29-point...
44:38..countdown conundrum.
44:39She doesn't know where the buzzer is.
44:41LAUGHTER
44:42Well, in fairness, Judy, we didn't give you a buzzer,
44:44cos we don't think you're going to need it.
44:48OK, fingers on buzzers, it's time for today's crucial
44:51Countdown conundrum.
44:52Your time starts...
44:53Go on, John.
44:54At least lock.
44:55Oh.
44:58Oh, you're joking.
45:00I haven't got it.
45:02Let's restart that.
45:11Origin.
45:12Oh!
45:14It's wrong.
45:14That sounds good.
45:15Absolutely wrong.
45:16Wrong.
45:17Oh!
45:18Don't take...
45:21Foreigner!
45:22I can't shout that anyway.
45:24LAUGHTER
45:29All right.
45:31Let's have a look and see if Judy Love has got the conundrum.
45:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:54LAUGHTER
45:57Judy, fucking sit down.
46:00No one can, I can't.
46:04LAUGHTER
46:05LAUGHTER
46:08APPLAUSE
46:12LAUGHTER
46:20APPLAUSE
46:23Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience,
46:26as all of you for watching, though.
46:27That's it for us.
46:28Good night!
46:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:39LAUGHTER
46:46APPLAUSE
46:55Who?
46:56What?
46:57Who?
46:58Who?
46:58Who?
46:58Who?
46:59Who?
46:59Who?
47:00Who?
47:01Who?
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