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8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown - S29E02 - 23 January 2026 [Full Movie] [Official Release]Full EP - Full
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00:00Welcome, on stage, Mr Jimmy Carter!
00:06Now...
00:10Have we got a show for you?
00:12We've got Rob Beckett, John Richardson, Kyle Smith, Bino,
00:15Roisin Conaty, Lou Waugh, Susie Dent, Rachel Riley.
00:18Yeah!
00:31Is that her? Is there more ghosts?
00:33I don't know why there wasn't a film.
00:34My accountant would like there to be.
00:37There should be a film.
00:38There should be a film.
00:39Just on an unrelated matter, Kyle, I am an actor now as well.
00:43Oh, yeah? Yeah, I do acting now as well.
00:45Right, so what sort of stuff do you want to...?
00:46I mainly play coke-sniffing teachers.
00:51Has anyone here seen him on Waterloo Road?
00:55Kyle, I've recently retired from acting.
01:00All right, let's do this, everyone.
01:01Play the music.
01:02Whatever we do.
01:03I don't know.
01:39Hello and welcome to 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown,
01:43a show about letters, numbers and conundrums.
01:45Let's meet tonight's players.
01:47First up, it's team captain, John Richardson.
01:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:53In 2025, John played Grouchy in the new Smurfs movie.
01:57Tell me, John, how did you research your role
02:00as a small, grumpy, troll-like creature with no friends?
02:05He's got friends, you've added that.
02:07Have you even seen my work?
02:09I literally saw it the first day it came out.
02:11What did you think?
02:11I thought it was amazing.
02:13Yeah, thanks.
02:15Do your grouchy voice.
02:17Go on.
02:19I have to get into character.
02:21OK.
02:22Don't even say it.
02:23Oh, it's good!
02:25Oh, that's good.
02:29And John's team mate, Roisin Conaty.
02:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:36Roisin used to work on the till in Woolworths,
02:39so I think we finally solved the mystery
02:40as to why Woolworths went under.
02:43These are quite gentle.
02:44What are you going to do?
02:45Are you going to throw something at me?
02:46No, no, I'll be gentle.
02:48You are very bad at this game.
02:50Bad in a good way, though.
02:52Sort of the good, like, bad, like Michael Jackson bad.
02:54Forget I said Michael Jackson.
02:55LAUGHTER
03:01Up against them this evening, it's team captain Rob Beckett.
03:03Yeah!
03:08Rob's family used to call him Jaffa Cake
03:10because he had big nipples.
03:13Which begs the question,
03:15how big are these nipples?
03:18So, they've calmed down now,
03:20but there's a little bit of lump to them,
03:21but when I was going through puberty
03:23and your hormones were raging,
03:24they were big old puffy boys.
03:26Ooh.
03:27And they looked like Jaffa Cakes
03:29because the areolae is the chocolate flat bit.
03:33Then, on top of that,
03:34the orange-filled chocolate bit
03:36was the nipply bit.
03:37Ugh!
03:39Can I, um...
03:41Can I see you?
03:41Um, afterwards...
03:45Afterwards, you can.
03:47Why...
03:48I'll come over and show you, but not there.
03:50OK.
03:54I'll go in, I'll have a look,
03:55I'll tell you whether they're worth seeing.
03:57I want to see...
03:58I want to see if everyone's out there or not.
04:01Oh, Jesus!
04:04I saw it.
04:07Did you?
04:07Yeah.
04:07Oh, that is...
04:08That is not a normal...
04:10No, that's a normal...
04:11Oh, you sound like my mum.
04:12Yeah, that's not...
04:15I want to see all of your tits,
04:16if we're getting in comparison.
04:18Jimmy, show me your tits.
04:20Oh, he's got little drawn-on dots.
04:25OK.
04:26And joining Rob tonight,
04:27it's, er...
04:27Kyle Smith-Bino.
04:33Kyle says he's scared of pigeons.
04:35Well, apologies.
04:36If we'd known you were scared of small,
04:38annoying, flappy, rat-like creatures,
04:40we wouldn't have stayed anywhere near John.
04:42That's it!
04:44Kyle, it's your first time on the show.
04:45Yes.
04:45Are you going to be aware of the letters or the numbers?
04:47Well, I...
04:47I'm not sure,
04:48but I am very good at remembering my postcode.
04:51And that's both.
04:52Ooh!
04:54I didn't talk!
04:57What is your postcode?
04:58What is my postcode?
05:02What's your mum's maiden name?
05:05OK, Roisin,
05:06do you enjoy going out in nature?
05:08I really enjoy nature,
05:10but nature's out to get me,
05:12and it feels...
05:13I have been,
05:15no exaggeration,
05:16locked in Hampstead Heath three times.
05:19I thought this was open space.
05:21It's not open space.
05:21There's no gate on Hampstead Heath, is there?
05:23There is a gate on Hampstead Heath.
05:24I've been locked in there three times, John.
05:26Oh, right.
05:26It's starting to come across a bit like a Tory MP.
05:30Twice in one year.
05:32I think the guy thought I was just trying to, like,
05:34get a bit of attention,
05:34like, in with his nips.
05:36Tell you what,
05:37me wandering around with these nips out on Hampstead Heath,
05:38we'll all get locked in.
05:39LAUGHTER
05:41There is a bit of...
05:42There is some part of Hampstead Heath that is open
05:44for the people who do fruity stuff.
05:45It's like little...
05:46I don't think you do it...
05:46You find a bush.
05:48I don't think you find a bush.
05:50They're not into that.
05:51Well, they don't just do it...
05:52They don't just do it in the open ground.
05:54There's bush bits.
05:55Oh, I see the joke now, sorry.
05:59John, have you got a mascot?
06:00Yes, I have.
06:02Obviously, I've been vegan for a little while,
06:04and the problem is it's very competitive...
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07It's a very competitive environment.
06:09What?
06:10So you've got to find a way to be the most vegan.
06:12LAUGHTER
06:12So I've elevated now
06:14to now protecting the stuffed animal community.
06:17And I think the community I'm speaking about most here
06:19are the bin men and women of the UK
06:23who strap teddy bears to the front of their lorries
06:26against their will
06:28and drive them around in all weathers.
06:30You see them in winter.
06:31Little Elmo strapped to the front of a bin lorry.
06:35Not able to move.
06:36So I thought, well, see how they like it.
06:39So my mascot tonight, please welcome my lucky bin man, Phil.
06:50How long do I have to stay up here?
06:52I need a shit.
06:53I told you to have a shit before we started, didn't I, Phil?
06:56I did, but I need another one.
06:58I don't know what you're eating.
06:59Are you eating a lot of dairy?
07:01Uh, yeah.
07:01Well, I think you might have an intolerance.
07:03Maybe.
07:04It does hurt when you eat a magnum.
07:08Right.
07:11John, that four cheese pizza's coming back to haunt me.
07:14All right, let's back him out of here
07:15before he shits the studio out.
07:16Erm, that's Phil, everybody.
07:19APPLAUSE
07:22Someone had to take the front off a truck for that gag.
07:25It's mad, isn't it?
07:27There's a guy at limb service, he's now livid.
07:29LAUGHTER
07:31Kyle, have you got a mascot?
07:32I've got a mascot, yeah.
07:33I didn't want to go route one.
07:35I thought outside of the box.
07:37Er, can we, er, can we get Aurora?
07:40APPLAUSE
07:45Oh, this is good.
07:46Hey, girl.
07:46Oh, my gosh.
07:50This is Aurora.
07:51And although it may look like I've never seen this bird
07:53before in my life...
07:56We actually went to drama school together.
07:59I'm not a great animal body language expert,
08:01but you don't seem the closest bear.
08:06OK, I'm getting the feeling the parrot's a little bit racist.
08:09LAUGHTER
08:13Maybe Aurora wants her snacks.
08:15Aurora, do you like snacks?
08:17Would you like a Jaffa cake?
08:24Come on, Aurora, we've practised this.
08:26Snuffles!
08:27Come on, Snuffles!
08:28She fucking hates you!
08:32Well, you've embarrassed me,
08:33so, erm, back to Jimmy's dressing room.
08:36Off you go.
08:37OK.
08:40Aurora.
08:41Aurora.
08:42Aurora.
08:43Er, Roshin, have you got a mascot that doesn't hate you?
08:45I do actually have a mascot, Jimmy Fee.
08:46What is your mascot?
08:47So, the thing that most relaxes me,
08:49that makes me feel very calm,
08:51and which I like to feel on this show,
08:52is my little doggy Harpo.
08:54Er, she's a little Maltese.
08:55So, I thought, what relaxes Harpo?
08:57Let's go to the source of what creates all the relaxation.
09:01And Harpo recently got done, you know, when they have...
09:03They get done.
09:04What's it called?
09:05Snip.
09:05Snip, but a woman's snip.
09:07She got done.
09:07Spade.
09:08Spade.
09:17Spade.
09:21Oh.
09:25Oh.
09:26Oh.
09:26Oh.
09:26The first sort of victim was this.
09:29Piggy.
09:30Now, I don't know if you can see,
09:31she's absolutely destroyed Piggy.
09:33Now, it's a pig.
09:35So, listen, lots of people have had sex with pigs,
09:36it's absolutely fine.
09:38This is not the worst of it.
09:39No.
09:41No.
09:41No.
09:41No, it isn't fine to fuck pigs.
09:44Is it pigs that have got curly willies?
09:46Yeah.
09:47I call it the pork screw.
09:48LAUGHTER
09:52APPLAUSE
09:54My mum thinks I'm sex shaming her by bringing this on the show.
09:56My mum's indulging it, and I walked in the other day,
09:59and my mum was letting this pig be used against her,
10:01while the pig humped... the dog humped the pig.
10:03So, the dog, your mum and that pig had a three-way.
10:06LAUGHTER
10:09Next, kitchen roll.
10:11Oh!
10:12She's gone up a gear.
10:13So, it escalated pretty fast.
10:15That's all sex stuff.
10:17LAUGHTER
10:19She's now gone absolutely feral,
10:21and done my hiking boot.
10:23Oh, wow.
10:24So, these are all sex toys of a little Maltese dog,
10:29but they bring her a lot of joy and they really calm her down,
10:32so I brought them in as my mascot.
10:34Lovely.
10:36APPLAUSE
10:37The worst bit is, I used that one for a pillow on the train.
10:40Oh!
10:42Rob, have you got a mascot?
10:43Absolutely, yes.
10:45Now, I've been taking health and safety in first aid quite seriously,
10:48and I've noticed, I've been here a few times,
10:50that there's no, um, deflubilator.
10:52What, sorry?
10:53LAUGHTER
10:55There's no what?
10:56Deflubilator.
10:56No.
10:58Pfff!
11:00Deflubilator.
11:00LAUGHTER
11:01You're adding an extra...
11:03Deflubilator.
11:05What did I say wrong?
11:06You're putting an L in there.
11:08No L?
11:08No L.
11:09Look it up, Suze.
11:10LAUGHTER
11:12How are we spelling it?
11:13Deflubilator.
11:14The wrong?
11:16Def...
11:17Def...
11:17Def...
11:17Def...
11:18Def...
11:18Relator.
11:19Let's be honest, no-one's spelling it when they need it.
11:23LAUGHTER
11:23So, let's not worry.
11:24Anyway, we ain't got one, whatever you want to call it.
11:26Right.
11:27So I was looking one up, very expensive, so I've tried to design my own.
11:31Ooh!
11:32Great idea.
11:33As a cost-effective safety measure.
11:34Great idea.
11:34So I've got one.
11:35Do you want to see it?
11:36Yeah.
11:36Bring it out, boys.
11:38APPLAUSE
11:41Do you want me to show how it works?
11:45Yeah.
11:45Yeah.
11:45I'm just praying this attaches to your nipples.
11:48LAUGHTER
11:50So, this is how it would work.
11:53LAUGHTER
11:54I hope you don't mind, I've got this from your dressing room, Jim.
11:58So, yeah, so you basically hook it up, like this.
12:02LAUGHTER
12:03There we go.
12:04And then, this is how it works.
12:07You need to be deflubilated, yeah?
12:10Don't worry, I'm coming!
12:12LAUGHTER
12:13What's the word you say?
12:14Clear.
12:15Clear! That's it.
12:16So, here we go.
12:17So you put it on, and then...
12:19CLEAR!
12:23I think it's working.
12:24I think I've melted his Jaffa cake by the looks of it.
12:26LAUGHTER
12:27Yeah, anyway, so this is mine.
12:29So if anyone's struggling today, I can get you going again.
12:31Rob, back at everyone with his defibrillator.
12:36There you go.
12:37There must be a few defibs in here.
12:39Because regular countdown, you've got to lose one a week, haven't you?
12:41Yeah.
12:41LAUGHTER
12:42Is this a show other than this, then?
12:45There's a proper one where they get more than three-letter words.
12:49LAUGHTER
12:50What fucking thing?
12:51She's coming up right in!
12:52She's coming up right in!
12:54She's coming up right in!
12:54Yeah.
12:55OK, well, over in Dictionary Corner, we've got Lou Wall.
12:56APPLAUSE
13:01Lou is six foot four.
13:03To put that into perspective, that's about 12 John Richardsons.
13:07LAUGHTER
13:07Lou, tell us a little bit about yourself.
13:10Hello.
13:11I'm Lou.
13:11I'm from Australia, but I've, like, just moved to the UK.
13:14I like it here.
13:15It rules.
13:16But there's some cultural differences.
13:18Like, you guys call a toilet a loo.
13:21That's...
13:23But I find it, like, quite accurate, because I am, like, a toilet,
13:26like, white and full of fucking shit.
13:29LAUGHTER
13:30Well, you're in Dictionary Corner.
13:31Are you better with the letters or the numbers?
13:33What's your thing?
13:33I like letters, I like literacy, but, like, if I am bad at it,
13:37it's, like, cos it's, like, hereditary.
13:39Um, recently I got this text from my mum.
13:42Dad hab died.
13:44LAUGHTER
13:44Followed by Dad heb died.
13:48Sorry.
13:49Dad's herbs died.
13:50LAUGHTER
13:52And then, uh, she just finished it off with this stunning text.
13:55Fucking auto-carrot.
13:57LAUGHTER
14:01APPLAUSE
14:01And with Lou, of course, it's Susie Denny.
14:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
14:10Susie's new book is a harrowing crime novel,
14:12and that sentence also works if you remove the word novel.
14:16LAUGHTER
14:19Susie, what have you been looking into recently?
14:21I have been looking into teen slang.
14:25Teen slang?
14:26Yeah.
14:26This six-seven thing, which is everywhere,
14:28that people are fascinated by.
14:30You've heard six-seven?
14:31Hmm.
14:32Six-seven?
14:33Six-seven.
14:33Yes.
14:34No-one knows what it means, including the kids.
14:36The derivation is, um, either a rap song
14:39or, uh, something to do with a basketball's height, I think.
14:44But, yeah, so six-seven, so it's like, you know,
14:46how tall are you?
14:47Six-seven?
14:48Did you say six-seven?
14:49So six-four?
14:50Uh, what time is it?
14:51Six-seven?
14:52Uh, you're probably about six-seven, Jimmy.
14:54On the slack, yeah.
14:56Oh!
14:57Um, so anyway, I find this completely fascinating
15:00because not even the kids know what it means.
15:02They lose break time at my daughter's school now
15:04if they say six-seven.
15:05Oh!
15:05They lose break time.
15:06Do they?
15:07It's that endemic.
15:08Six-seven.
15:08The teacher's terrified during maths.
15:10Like, if I ask a question...
15:13And they've started playing Countdown in my daughter's school.
15:15She said to me the other week,
15:16we've started playing this game where there's, like,
15:18numbers and letters.
15:19I never felt more, but I thought she'd be so excited when I went,
15:22you know that's what I do for a living.
15:24And she went, do you?
15:26I thought you were the co-kid from Waterloo Road.
15:29LAUGHTER
15:34And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley.
15:37APPLAUSE
15:40Do you have a favourite number?
15:42I quite like it.
15:43Have you heard of the golden ratio?
15:45Basically, it's this number that appears in nature
15:47in loads of different places,
15:48so in seashells it appears, in flowers,
15:52and it's an irrational number, so it's written as phi,
15:55the Greek letter phi,
15:56and it also appears in beautiful faces,
15:59the golden ratio, kind of, the width to the height.
16:02So what I think happened was when you went to your plastic surgeon,
16:06he got confused between phi face and pie face.
16:12So when you go back,
16:14you should ask for the golden ratio next time,
16:17rather than...that.
16:24OK, and the prize the teams will be competing for tonight
16:26is this, the Countdown Camouflage Kit.
16:30Ooh!
16:34Now...
16:38A little bit of TV magic for you.
16:39Dear boys, show them where you are.
16:47OK, let's count down, everyone.
16:49Time for the first game.
16:50John, Roisin, you get the first turn to pick the letters.
16:52Roisin, would you like to pick the letters?
16:54Yes, please.
16:55Oh.
16:57That's backfired.
16:59Rachel, may I have four...
17:02Oh.
17:02A consonant.
17:05S.
17:05What's your problem with the way she's picking it?
17:07Well, just, if you don't give a shit, say no.
17:09I give a shit!
17:10Why don't you just put nine letters up there?
17:12No.
17:13You think, because I don't cry, because I'm not good at it,
17:15I don't care, I'm hiding my sadness.
17:18OK.
17:19Does that make you feel better?
17:20No.
17:21Another...
17:21Another consonant, please, Rachel.
17:24I felt really real like a married couple arguing that.
17:26I want to say...
17:27I'm hiding my sadness.
17:28Look, we're having the kids eat the feature-express
17:30and try and have a good day.
17:32We're neighbours.
17:32He's an absolute nightmare neighbour.
17:34Another consonant, please, Rachel.
17:36N?
17:36Why is he a nightmare neighbour?
17:38Oh, he has all kinds going on in there.
17:43What's he doing?
17:44Is his cardigan wearer?
17:45He's not.
17:46He's absolute filth.
17:46Another consonant.
17:49P.
17:51And a vowel, please, Rachel.
17:53E.
17:54And another vowel, please, Rachel.
17:56O.
17:56And another vowel.
17:59A.
18:00Last two are yours.
18:01One of each, please, Rachel.
18:02One of each.
18:03Just get them out of there, I don't really care.
18:04A U.
18:06And an L.
18:07I've gone right off the countdown music.
18:09I'm going to...
18:10I'm going to step it up.
18:11Boys, please.
18:18For your delectation, this is the Countdown Tongue Choir.
18:22Your time starts...
18:23now.
18:24.
18:26.
18:52.
18:54.
19:07John, Rob, do you fancy having a go on the Tongue Choir?
19:09Define having a go on.
19:11.
19:11.
19:12.
19:13.
19:13.
19:13.
19:13.
19:14.
19:14.
19:14.
19:14.
19:14.
19:15.
19:16.
19:16.
19:17.
19:17.
19:22There's no noise coming out of that.
19:30Hang on, I'm going to the other end. This guy, look at this.
19:39It's like a forearm. There's no sound at all there.
19:43Come closer, Clarice.
19:48What is this show?
19:51The Countdown Tongue Choir, everyone. Thank you, gentlemen. Thank you.
19:58Jon Hammond, that is...
20:00Seven. Seven?
20:03Roisin? Six.
20:04Rob? Five.
20:06Kyle? Seven.
20:07Ooh! He came to play.
20:11Oh, yeah, for real.
20:12Rob, your five? Leaps.
20:14OK, Roisin, your six?
20:16Planes.
20:17Jon, your seven?
20:18Weapons.
20:20Ooh!
20:21Kyle, your seven?
20:22Weapons.
20:23OK, seven points to both teams.
20:28I'm excited about this.
20:29You guys are in trouble.
20:30He's not fucking about me.
20:32Five, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
20:35He's got 11 options.
20:37In the same time, I got leaps.
20:42Lou, Susie, could they have done any better?
20:44Just another seven from us.
20:46What was the other seven?
20:46Apolloon.
20:47Speeds forward.
20:48It's the point at which a spacecraft in lunar orbit
20:50is furthest from the moon, and it's the opposite of the periloon.
20:54OK, on to our first numbers round.
20:56Rob, Kyle, your turn to pick the numbers.
20:58Two big ones, all the rest are little ones, please, Rachel.
21:00Coming up.
21:00Ten and ten.
21:01That's 20 already.
21:02One, three, 75 and 50.
21:06Don't give it away.
21:07And the target, eight, four, seven.
21:09Oh, shit.
21:09OK, and your time starts now.
21:42OK, so the target was eight, four, seven.
21:44Roisin, did you get it?
21:45I did.
21:46No good.
21:46Do you want it?
21:47Yeah, I'll come back to you in one sec.
21:48It won't be there in a minute.
21:51John, did you get it?
21:53I think I got eight, four, eight.
21:54Rob, did you get it?
21:55I got 800.
21:57Kyle, did you get it?
21:59No.
21:59I got 840.
22:01Roisin, how did you do it?
22:02So I did...
22:0410 times 75.
22:07Oh, no, er, er, yeah, seven...
22:10Er...
22:12Hmm...
22:13750.
22:14I've got it wrong, cos I've got it down as 800.
22:16But add a ten on to the 75.
22:18Oh, my God, Jimmy's got one!
22:21Well, you get 850 and then there's a three there.
22:23I mean...
22:24Oh, wow.
22:24Yeah.
22:25It's the easiest one we've had in...
22:26I didn't get it.
22:28I'm so sure I had it.
22:29That's not allowed, is it?
22:31Ten points to me.
22:33Were you good at maths at college or at school?
22:37No.
22:37Do you know how long you pause sometimes?
22:39It's like you've just turned off.
22:42You just bring it up with your manufacturer.
22:48John, how did you get what you got?
22:50Number, 75...
22:53...times...
22:53...ten plus one.
22:54Plus one for 85.
22:56And then somewhere else...
22:58...ten...
22:58...ten...
23:00...times three.
23:01What are you doing?
23:02This is not your style.
23:03No, I don't know.
23:03It's gone.
23:04Roshi got it wrong.
23:05John's got nothing written down.
23:06John!
23:06We've got 840.
23:07Kyle, off you go.
23:0975 times 10.
23:111 plus 3 is 4 times 10.
23:14Times the other 10, 40.
23:16Add those together.
23:17790 plus 50.
23:18Yep.
23:19Seven away.
23:20OK.
23:21Five points to Kyle.
23:23So John and Rochin are on seven points.
23:26Rob and Kyle are in the lead with 12.
23:32And here is your teaser.
23:33The words are send tits, the clue is open wide.
23:36That's send tits, open wide.
23:38See you after the break.
23:58It was, of course, dentists.
24:00So, Rob and Kyle are in the lead.
24:03They've been playing in teams so far.
24:04But this game is just for Rob and Rochin.
24:07Hmm.
24:07So, Rob, your turn to choose.
24:09Do you know what?
24:09I think it's good that John has a little break from this,
24:11because I think his head's completely gone.
24:13I agree.
24:13He's not happy.
24:14Kyle's turned up.
24:15And not only is he better than John at spelling and countdown,
24:18he also is cool.
24:20Is it just cool, Rob?
24:22He's in a cardigan.
24:23Well, yeah.
24:23He's actually turned up in his outfit, but in a cool one.
24:27So, I think it's good you have a little break,
24:28because you don't seem yourself.
24:31I don't want to be myself.
24:32I'm going to be Lewis Hamilton for a bit while you do this, friends.
24:39Fucking idiot!
24:40I don't think he makes some noises with his mouth.
24:43Well, he's done you again.
24:46Pick some letters.
24:47OK, cool.
24:48Please, can I have...
24:50You pick.
24:52You're in charge, Rach.
24:54R.
24:56E.
24:58T.
24:59There we go.
25:00I.
25:01M.
25:03A.
25:04S.
25:05This is a great one.
25:07E.
25:07And the last one.
25:09T.
25:10And your time starts...
25:12now.
25:17E.
25:18HELLO.
25:20OK.
25:21I'm going.
25:29E.
25:31E.
25:33E.
25:34with this yeah tap it around the back mate oh yeah does anyone want a beer I'll
25:52have a go okay more lovely oh is that normal flow for you
26:09ah salty than you'd think the stones sink to the bottom
26:17anyone else want a beer you need to get a manufacturer to sort your robot knees out mate
26:25they're not bending how they should it's like a cow trying to go upstairs
26:32do you want to try some
26:37oh john
26:43i feel very paternal
26:49thank you daddy let's bring out the beers yeah i like that wow roxine's on a handy is there any
26:54more
26:55just worth letting everyone know i had asparagus for lunch thanks john nice
27:05i'll rush in how many i mean i'm i'm sort of nervous
27:09okay i've got nine wow
27:14this is a big deal okay have i not got nine got was that a really good eight why there
27:23isn't there
27:23is yeah but only the one of them oh john he can't even let his own teammate do well you're
27:32a disgrace
27:33you couldn't even let i have a moment he did though he sort of saved me do you want to
27:38score eight or not score nine what how many have you got i've got seven okay what is your seven
27:44matters roisin your eight mistreat
27:48i thought it was mistreats got very excited i'm going to give you the eight i think it's very good
27:57lou susie could they have done any better we had a couple of eight we had stevia emir emir emir
28:03not as in the arsenal ground but as in the the province of an emir okay so at the end
28:09of that uh
28:09rob and kyle have 12 points john roisin had 15.
28:16i really tried okay to be fair you needed that because john's going up against kyle now
28:24faith in my teammate he's shown consistency he's not a braggadocious player and will take us to the
28:31final do you know what i feel the same about mine but i'm not having to fluff him up because
28:35his head's
28:35god you've been fluffing all night it's down there rock on it's very rare on the show that teammates
28:43refer to each other as rock hard can i just say no i'm absolutely fine and if kyle does well
28:51that
28:51benefits the show hello rachel i don't six small please do you like the numbers john confident with
29:03six months i don't mind the numbers i don't mind the letters i just appreciate good friends having
29:07good time for the tricky selection we've got five seven four three ten and nine and the target 185.
29:18five and your time starts now
29:21so
29:52uh smug much john how's your boy doing
29:58flaccid now
30:00kyle did you get it 184. okay john did you get it i think i've got it yeah
30:05how did you get it 10 plus 9. no no less smug
30:1010 plus 9. 19 19 times 7 plus 3. 190 take away that little five can have you a lap
30:21of honor 10 points
30:27how do you feel about it kyle did you how do you feel about that i would have liked to
30:30have won that one
30:31actually yeah yeah it's weird because i believed him when he said it yeah well he's a good actor
30:40he's not in waterloo road no he's not is that a compliment
30:48not a little blue smurf is he i've got four lines and three of them went
30:55okay so rob and kyle have 12 points john and roisin have 25.
31:04okay time now to go across to dictionary corner lou what have you got for us okay so i had
31:09a really
31:09shitty old bed frame and so i put it on an online marketplace for free um and this is that
31:17story i
31:17have uh turned it into a musical you're welcome um and for context all you need to know is that
31:24the
31:24bed frame is the bed frame is up there for free this is how it began is the bed frame
31:31still available
31:32yes it is gay emoji can i please negotiate the price no why it's free you want a hard bargain
31:44lucia
31:45but that's just not the way marketplace working i was like all right how about half price just for
31:51you eileen how much now still free dance dance you are the best potty potty wow that's a long long
32:02way from my house now how about a small disc i said eileen i can't be clearer it's free to
32:10pick
32:10up could you drive it to me please what the please no please no please no please no i don't
32:17own a car
32:18why didn't you say something i can drive see you tomorrow so at this point like i go to bed
32:27i'm
32:27like i'll deal with this bitch in the morning um and then very early the next morning i received this
32:31text lucia i'm out the front sent at 5am i said see you at five please come out and let
32:44me in
33:05it's not an ideal time for you to get the bed frame what time then i'm like could you come
33:12back at
33:12eight but i'm outside yeah my housemates are sleeping should i just not wow this is getting
33:19crazy i go back to sleep i wake up at eight is she there no 12 hours later though here
33:23she is again
33:24let's see i'm here again it's 8 pm yes where is the bed is the concept of time too hard
33:31for you to
33:32comprehend you're 12 hours late eileen i can't get you the bed like i'm at work right now okay like
33:38i'm not
33:38even home but i came all the way back for it yeah i know no please heartbreak emoji pumpkin emoji
33:46sorry typo seriously please oh my god that lady's back what can you help her get the bed shot okay
33:53my housemate is home knock on the door ask for tim 402 no 403 knock knock knock it's 403 knock
33:59knock
33:59knock anyone in angry dolphin pilot shit this is not what i expected i'm taking off the bedding and the
34:04pillow and the mattress what there is no bedding just talk to tim he'll show you to take is this
34:08free picture of a pillow that's not my pillow taking pillow where'd you get the pillow where the
34:12are you is eileen there no shit oh my god oh my god it's perfect it's exactly what i want
34:19bigger than
34:20i thought and free bedding thank you five stars miss call miss call miss call miss call miss call miss
34:25cannot talk driving with bed i said elene can you please pick up yay i don't think you took my
34:30bed
34:30tim said you never picked it up thank you for the bed lucia miss call eileen 5r a message from
34:36my
34:36neighbor we've just been robbed and then she's been taken lock your doors eileen you stole my neighbor's
34:44bed my bed's still here you took the wrong bed from the wrong house i did no such thing then
34:50she blocks
34:51me i said all right place where is bed you've had contact with the person that's going to murder
35:04you i mean 100 yeah and that bed frame's still very much available how much do you want for it
35:13and here is your teaser the words are penis hat the clue is don't be so dramatic that's penis hat
35:19don't be so dramatic see you after the break
35:38welcome back the answer to the teaser the words were penis hat the clue was
35:41don't be so dramatic it was of course thespian rob and kyle uh you're 13 points behind
35:47yeah so like we thought we would give you a little bit of extra help in the form of the
35:53award-winning
35:53comedian winner of the edinburgh comedy award sam nicoresti
36:04nice to be here sorry i'm late i was backstage hanging out with the friendliest parrot in the world
36:11okay so you won the edinburgh comedy award which is very impressive but we're all winners here
36:16everyone's a leader in their field we've got britain's smallest man
36:21tv's most chatty horse and the world's most pointless mathematician
36:25i don't know which one of us is the horse
36:28there's three in the running
36:35now have you brought a mascot do you know i have bought a mascot actually jimmy let me get it
36:39up
36:40here we go how about this oh yeah i bought this from home what do you reckon
36:46oh you've seen this have you seen one of those before oh wow wow yeah you like that yeah i
36:53like
36:53i like choice i've got an affinity with trains because much like my hero v siberian railway i am also
36:58trans so just to explain that that's why i'm dressed like the ghosts of liberal future come to haunt
37:11your problematic nan at christmas so that's the look i don't know if anyone else here is really
37:16aware of it very hard very hard being trans i when i came out i came out to my girlfriend
37:20a couple
37:20years ago and she was really good with it but like you have to be honest it's not really clear
37:25how
37:25you come out to your girlfriend about being trans like what do you do sit down and say honey huge
37:30news
37:30you're gay that's i mean we're in trouble i was tuning into the news the other day and they were
37:39saying uh trans women they better stay away from sports my pleasure what the hell for me that's the
37:48entire point i would have transitioned in secondary school if i knew it came with a sick note that's just
37:56big fan but yes my pronouns are she they uh but that's neither her nor their
38:07okay john roisin your turn to choose the letters hello rachel hi john could we have a conversation please
38:15yes boss oh and another one please oh he's cheered up now he's well he's done the maths but i
38:23still don't
38:23think he could do kyle that's spelling and we're gonna see that play out and i'm quite excited a vowel
38:27please
38:29oh a consonant please n i think sam's gonna be really good as well so you really have to try
38:36hard
38:37a vowel please e another vowel please rachel i and another consonant then c yeah that's nice
38:49keep your vibes up and uh oh love a consonant please in this game i love with my friends
38:56n and then another consonant please old friend
39:01n and my old mate oh okay all right your time starts now
39:09so
39:21so
39:23MUSIC
39:38Rob, how many you got? I've got five.
39:40You've got five. Kyle, how many? Seven.
39:43Seven, OK. Roisin? Five.
39:47OK. Sam, how many?
39:48I think I might have a nine.
39:50I think. John?
39:51I also have a nine.
39:53Oh! What is your five?
39:57My five is rinse. Rinse.
40:00Rob, your five? Gonna.
40:03Gonna. They're a goner.
40:05That is a word. Rinse, unfortunately, it has an S, not a C.
40:12Roisin's a goner.
40:15She's a goner. What's your seven?
40:17Cringer. Cringer?
40:19Ooh.
40:19Oh.
40:20No.
40:21Er, yes.
40:22Oh!
40:27Do you know what that looked like, Susie?
40:29That looked like the money hadn't hit your account yet.
40:35No. Oh, it has actually.
40:37Yes.
40:38OK, so, John, Sam, I'd like you to say your nine-letter word on the count of three.
40:44All right, you ready?
40:45One, two, three.
40:46Cornering.
40:47Wow.
40:49That's 18 points for both teams.
40:50OK, here is your final teaser.
40:56The words are scene fart.
40:57The clue is seal that up.
40:59That's scene fart.
41:00Seal that up.
41:01See you after the break.
41:18Welcome back.
41:19The answer to the teaser.
41:19The words were scene fart.
41:20The clue was seal that up.
41:22It was, of course, fastener.
41:24OK, time for our final letters game.
41:26Sam, your turn to choose.
41:28Oh, Mike.
41:29OK.
41:30Please, may I have a consonant?
41:32You may, indeed.
41:33And...
41:34Oh.
41:35Yes.
41:35And then two vowels.
41:38A.
41:39U.
41:40Consonant, please.
41:42D.
41:43OK.
41:44I think a vowel.
41:46Good choice.
41:47I.
41:49Well, now the pressure's on to make a good choice.
41:51Again, consonant, right?
41:52S.
41:53No.
41:53Oh, no.
41:56Um...
41:57Consonant.
41:58M.
41:59A vowel.
42:00I've got another A.
42:02And then a consonant.
42:03And the last one.
42:05R.
42:05Cool.
42:06I might have a crack on this because I find the game boring.
42:09OK, your time starts...
42:12Now.
42:31While you're finished, you can't score.
42:34Again, you can't score!
42:37You can go probably before.
42:41You can never get caught!
42:42No!
42:43You can never get caught!
42:43Okay, I can't score!
42:44Because I'm ready to score!
42:45You can't score!
42:46You can do it!
42:48I'll be in the same way!
42:48Evil!
42:50Maybe you can't score!
42:52Evil x2
42:53You can score!
42:53You can score!
42:54You can score!
42:55APPLAUSE
42:59Rob, how many?
43:01Six.
43:03Kyle? Seven.
43:04Sam? Six.
43:06Roisin?
43:08Five.
43:09OK. John?
43:11Seven.
43:13Oh!
43:15Kyle!
43:16Roisin, your five?
43:18Mittal.
43:19What, sorry?
43:21Mittal?
43:23How are you spelling that incorrectly?
43:26How are you spelling the word that doesn't exist incorrectly?
43:29LAUGHTER
43:31My...my towel?
43:32Yeah. Oh, yeah.
43:33That's the one.
43:34So you wrote a U and you couldn't be asked to finish it,
43:37so it was an L?
43:38It's not, it's just a sort of half-finish.
43:40Look, the word was causing me the most,
43:41so I gave up at the end, I thought, this isn't a word,
43:43so I bailed out on the U.
43:45But now it seems like it is a word, am I right?
43:47Check your account.
43:49LAUGHTER
43:51It's not in yet.
43:53Rob, your six.
43:54Er, rudest.
43:56Rudest, yeah.
43:57Yeah, that feels more on problem.
43:58How are you spelling rudest?
44:00Er, nudist with an R.
44:01R.
44:02Oh, OK, she don't look happy.
44:04I can't believe this is in.
44:06Oh, well, I'll tell you what, shove it.
44:09LAUGHTER
44:09Cos it is in.
44:11Do you know what it means?
44:12Absolutely not, no.
44:13No, it's a cone-shaped fossil bivalve mollusk.
44:16Absolutely.
44:17LAUGHTER
44:17I just thought it was someone that was the rudest.
44:20LAUGHTER
44:20I was going to go for audits, but I didn't want to panic Jimmy.
44:25LAUGHTER
44:26That's fair.
44:28Sam, your six?
44:29Autism.
44:30What's your seven?
44:31Stadium.
44:31John, your seven?
44:32I've got mustard.
44:33What's the other word?
44:35Marauds.
44:36Ooh, you should have gone with that one.
44:37But I wasn't sure on the spelling of that, so I'm chickened out.
44:40It's never stopped rushing.
44:41LAUGHTER
44:43OK, seven points to both teams.
44:49OK, Lou, Susie, could they have done any better?
44:52More sevens. More sevens.
44:54We have marauds and traumas and samurai.
44:56Ooh!
44:57Samurai would have been good.
44:59These are so words.
44:59OK, so Rob, Kyle and Sam have 37 points.
45:03John and Roisin have 50.
45:04Oh.
45:05APPLAUSE
45:06Well done, Labour.
45:09OK, fingers on buzzers.
45:10Time for today's Countdown Conundrum.
45:12Your time starts now.
45:15BUZZER
45:15BUZZER
45:19BUZZER
45:21BUZZER
45:24BUZZER
45:26BUZZER
45:26BUZZER
45:32BUZZER
45:36BUZZER
45:37BUZZER
45:37Oh, Sam.
45:39Er...
45:39Is it staunched?
45:42Is it... Is that even a word?
45:43Let's see if Sam is right.
45:46BUZZER
45:47BUZZER
45:48BUZZER
45:49BUZZER
45:49BUZZER
45:51BUZZER
45:52BUZZER
45:53OK, the final scores are, Rob and Kyle and Sam have 47 points,
45:59but our winners, John and Roisin, with 50.
46:02Congratulations.
46:03You are now the proud owner of this, The Countdown Camouflage Fit.
46:12Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience,
46:14and to all of you for watching at home.
46:15That's it from us. Good night!
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