- 14 hours ago
First broadcast 27th February.
Hazell is hired by a suspicious wife to investigate the suspected infidelity of her bookmaker husband.
Nicholas Ball - James Hazell
Roddy McMillan - 'Choc' Minty
Barbara Young - Dot Wilmington
Desmond McNamara - Cousin Tel
Dave King - Wally Wiggins
Marjie Lawrence - Ida Wiggins
Marina Sirtis - Melina Stassinopolus
Irlin Hall - Gladys
Kenneth Colley - Porter
Frank Coda - Patrick Coyne
Andreas Markides - Greek Musician
Pete Morgan - Greek Musician
Judd Proctor - Greek Musician
Phil Parkes - Man in Pub
Maggie Riley - Maureen
Hazell is hired by a suspicious wife to investigate the suspected infidelity of her bookmaker husband.
Nicholas Ball - James Hazell
Roddy McMillan - 'Choc' Minty
Barbara Young - Dot Wilmington
Desmond McNamara - Cousin Tel
Dave King - Wally Wiggins
Marjie Lawrence - Ida Wiggins
Marina Sirtis - Melina Stassinopolus
Irlin Hall - Gladys
Kenneth Colley - Porter
Frank Coda - Patrick Coyne
Andreas Markides - Greek Musician
Pete Morgan - Greek Musician
Judd Proctor - Greek Musician
Phil Parkes - Man in Pub
Maggie Riley - Maureen
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:29I'll be right back.
00:49Now, you wouldn't think so,
00:51but this is the second biggest spectator sport in the country.
00:55Sort of symbolic, isn't it?
00:58Thousands of citizens up and down this green and greeny land of ours going to the dogs.
01:03Still, seeing as we're supposed to be a nation of animal lovers,
01:06you can't help wondering if it's in the best interest of your actual thoroughbred racing greyhound
01:11to slap a muzzle on its boat, tweak its nuts, jam it in a box,
01:14and then frustrate it by sending it chasing after a bogus bunny.
01:17I mean, is it any wonder they're highly strung?
01:20I mean, is it any wonder they're not going to be able to do anything else?
01:25Fire for two of the hills!
01:29Fire for two of the hills!
01:34Fire for two of the hills!
01:37Fire for two of the hills!
01:38According to Cousin Tell, the whisper was that even if this dog stopped at the last bend to water the
01:42railings,
01:43it would still win by ten lengths.
01:45The only reason I can give for putting my last tenner on one of God's dumber animals was...
01:50his enthusiasm.
01:52Right, I've got it at sixes, it's coming to fives already, hasn't it?
01:55I'm telling you, Jim, Jim, eight dog winks at me on the way out of the railing.
01:59No, really, mother's mints, it's it.
02:04See what I mean?
02:06Well, when one of your own swears on his mother's eyesight
02:08that the information he's got has been confirmed by the hand itself,
02:11well, I hope springs eternal.
02:13Don't I?
02:23It takes about half a minute from start to finish in real time.
02:26In your head, it seems like five seconds.
02:28And that meant me losing two quid a second
02:31when the winking pig I back came stone last.
02:40Well, I hope your mum has better luck with the guide dog she's going to get.
02:49Got bonked at the third, didn't he? Got bonked, Jim, Jim.
02:52You can see that. Nothing anyone can do about that, is there?
02:54You've got to admit, he was trying.
02:55Yeah, trying to masquerade as a ground.
02:57Yeah, where are you going?
02:58I'm going outside to have a nervous breakdown, all right?
03:00Yeah. What about Jolly Wally?
03:02Yeah, well, he's too busy, uh, bothering about the joys of the flesh, isn't he?
03:06I think you're wasting your time on this one, Jim, Jim.
03:08I mean, look at his boat. He couldn't be getting any.
03:10Look, if you had his trouble and strife for a missus, you wouldn't smell much either.
03:13Now, we'll wait outside like I wanted to in the first place.
03:16I must have been potty listening to you.
03:19The information.
03:23I don't understand it. Straight, I don't.
03:26I do. The bleeding thing wasn't winking at you.
03:28I was trying to tell you it was blind in one eye. Couldn't see the air.
03:31I'll leave off, Jim. Jim, it was good information.
03:34The geezers are pal of mine. He wouldn't put me on a roll.
03:36The bleeding thing came last.
03:37Now, be fair, Jim, Jim.
03:39Ten to one on shots are blown out through being bought, didn't they?
03:42I just blow my last cockle through listening to you.
03:45Well, can't you put it down to X's?
03:47Here, say you had to catch a few cabs or something,
03:49your client's never going to notice an extra tenner, is he?
03:51Jolly Wally's wife would, believe me.
03:53They only made 50p pieces, that shape,
03:55so they could get them out of their hand with a spanner.
04:00That's a good thing we both didn't do that, darn it.
04:04What'd you say?
04:05No, well, I mean, the thing is,
04:07I've done my bit on the first few races, didn't I?
04:12You're telling me you didn't, Beckett?
04:14I would have done. My eyesight.
04:17St. Johnson's wouldn't be able to cope
04:18before your hose took effect.
04:22You wouldn't be moaning if it had won, would you?
04:25Eh?
04:26Hi, up. Here he comes.
04:29Well, move it then, Joe.
04:31I keep you barring it on.
04:32I ain't used to this detecting, Lark, am I?
04:37Yeah, that's it.
04:38That's all, of course.
04:42I've done you, Nick.
04:45I've done you, Nick.
04:46Come on, look.
04:48Come on, look.
04:49Come on.
05:04Come on.
05:07That's okay when the oppressed taxpayer is footing the bill.
05:10But when you're an independent like me, we have to make do by banging a cousin a few quid to
05:14help out.
05:36Me and Sal have been on Jolly Wally's daily for six days now, trying to discover if he was having
05:40it off on the side.
05:42I'd been hired, via Dot, by Wally's wife, Ida Wiggins, to try and confirm her suspicions.
05:54Five foot two of dainty domination.
05:58The screwing he's getting won't be worth the screwing he'll get when I've finished with him.
06:03And Miss Wilmington tells me you're just the man to find the proof I need.
06:08I only do it for me mental health.
06:10I'm a professional voyeur.
06:12And the money, of course.
06:14Oh, yes, the money.
06:19You're a bit expensive, aren't you?
06:21It's an expensive hobby.
06:23And if you want the best.
06:26The way she went on about my fee, you'd think she was a skint member.
06:30But from my observation so far, the only thing Wally was having it off with was other people's money.
06:36Okay.
06:47While he had free betting shops, he flitted from one to the other during the day when he wasn't at
06:52the dog track.
06:53If he was, like today, he called him to collect the day's takings.
06:57Dropped his clerk off, then went home himself.
06:59But that had been his usual pattern anyway.
07:02Until now, that is.
07:04Let's go.
07:40What now, then?
07:41You go in and keep an eye on him.
07:43I'll dwell out here in case he slips up while you're having a quick pint.
07:46That'll be difficult, Jim, Jim.
07:48How's it?
07:49I can't stand in a booze and potlitz, can I?
07:52Sure.
07:53But if you was to advance me a little on me wages...
07:55You got emery as yours, Humming.
07:57You remember Tret 4, the good thing?
07:59You must have a little snudge.
08:05Oh, for worse bitter, and make it last.
08:17Ah, to hell with it.
08:27I was just thinking I was flogging a dead horse, or I would like to flog a live dog, when
08:32something weird happened.
08:46Job like this?
08:47You'll never know when you need one.
08:50Hazel's the name, and dirty smudges ain't my game.
08:52She wants evidence, remember?
08:55Come on, Dot.
08:56I don't even know what end I'm supposed to look through.
08:58Mock ignorance will get you nowhere, James.
09:01Use it.
09:01But be very careful.
09:03Cost me a lot of money.
09:22Would you be dwelling outside?
09:24You ain't gonna believe this.
09:25What?
09:25Someone's just getting jolly-wolly's motor.
09:27No.
09:28Straight up?
09:28Unless it's a fine-ass gun.
09:29You snatch his back.
09:30Geezer on his own, wasn't it?
09:32Must be a tea-lip, then, I should think.
09:33Snatch back.
09:34Like usually at performing fairs.
09:36That made him smile even more, especially as he had his reddies in the food.
09:40Can I help you, love?
09:42You could pretty my plight, if you like, darling.
09:45Go on.
09:46Good-looking lad like you.
09:47Hang on.
09:47Let's have a little vada here.
09:48A vada?
09:50Ooh, I say.
09:52All they get me, darling.
09:53A packet of crisps and a box of matches, just about.
09:56Don't you think the dogs have you?
09:58I've done it in lots of funny places.
10:01Here, Wally.
10:02One of your victims here, poor sod, can't even afford a glass of beer.
10:08Well, ask him what he wants.
10:09Down to me.
10:10Oh, there you go, love.
10:11Not often a book.
10:12He gives us a chance to get some of it back, eh?
10:14I'll have, uh, half a lager.
10:17Top.
10:18Make it a pint, lad.
10:19And one for his mate, whatever he's having.
10:22Oh, a pint of keg, love.
10:23I'll please.
10:24Cheers.
10:27Acme, eh?
10:30You two didn't have a bet with me, did you?
10:33Oh, you was, uh, he was there, was you?
10:37Wally Wiggins.
10:38My stand was on the end of the line.
10:41Oh, we didn't stay long.
10:42First couple of races, we, uh, had a tip for a good thing, but he blew out.
10:45Look, there's no such thing as a good thing, son.
10:50Take it from me.
10:50I'd love to take it from you.
10:52Or any bookie, yeah.
10:53You can't beat the odds.
10:55I mean, you might have the occasional win, but it's only borrowed money.
10:59End up giving it all back, plus.
11:01Does the bookmakers' association know you go round doing this terrific public relations job?
11:05You can tell a punter is a mug until you're a horse.
11:07If you'll excuse the expression.
11:09Don't make no difference.
11:10You see, basically, they want to lose.
11:12Think about my pal, it's a good loser.
11:15Yeah, but a good loser is still a loser.
11:17Yeah, well, the thing about my pal is a doggy follows follows other dogs.
11:21There you go, love.
11:22What about you, Wally?
11:23Do it again, Glenn.
11:24Okay.
11:25Pretty good.
11:27Yeah, there's a lesson to be learned here somewhere.
11:31Listen, let me tell you something about the racing game.
11:35And tell us he did.
11:37GBH on the air rolls.
11:40It was all a bit embarrassing.
11:42There was I, the slippery sleuth,
11:44supposed to be furtively following the unsuspecting suspect,
11:46and there he was, bending me in tail's ears with tails of the turf,
11:49and buying our booze.
11:53The only thing I did learn was that if Jolly Wally was having a bird on the side,
11:56or in any position,
11:57I wouldn't mind laying odds that she wore a death eight
11:59to turn it off in moments of stress.
12:02Then that was the night that, uh,
12:03me and Johnny, the one was at White City.
12:05That was, uh, Derby night.
12:07He kept looking at his watch,
12:08as if he was expecting to be at a tan-eye saying,
12:10they're off.
12:11I was darned to tell him someone was off with his motor,
12:13just to see him balk at the third monologue.
12:16See, they called him Johnny the one
12:17because he had this thing about betting on track one in every race.
12:20Well,
12:23nice talking to you, gents.
12:25Remember my advice.
12:28You want to go to the dogs,
12:29keep backing them.
12:31See you next week, lad.
12:33Right you are, Wally.
12:34Right, Wally.
12:34Right, Wally.
12:36Oh,
12:38couldn't give it some verbal in a case,
12:39all right,
12:40didn't you?
12:40Yeah, he'll wait till he finds out someone's nicked his motor.
12:42Oh, blimey,
12:43I forgot all about that.
12:44Haven't we better...
12:45Nah, I'll be back in a minute.
12:46Didn't see any call boxes out there, did you?
12:47No.
12:48All right, lads?
12:49Yeah,
12:50go on a bit, then.
12:51Oh, man,
12:51I noticed that.
12:52He's normally quite quiet,
12:53keeps himself to himself,
12:54you know what I mean?
12:56Glad,
12:56let me use the phone,
12:57quickly.
12:57Why, Wally,
12:58whatever,
12:58it's the matter.
12:58Someone's nicked me car,
12:59some bastard's nicked me car.
13:00Oh, dear,
13:01you sure?
13:02Glad,
13:02the phone,
13:02please.
13:05Can you imagine that?
13:07All day's taken,
13:08it's in the boot.
13:09They float as well.
13:11Don't worry,
13:12Wally,
13:13it's only borrowed money.
13:16So,
13:17what did you do then?
13:19Took him home,
13:20didn't I?
13:22Took him home?
13:23Well,
13:24the man had been buying me drinks all night,
13:25what else could I do?
13:27Oh,
13:28marvellous.
13:29I don't suppose you dropped him for a chat with a client as well,
13:31did you?
13:32Just to show it a deviously discreet operative you really are.
13:34I just dropped him at his flats,
13:36and I hung around outside for a bit,
13:38so he didn't slip out again,
13:39called it a day.
13:40Wonderful.
13:42Well,
13:42I could,
13:43I could always put on dark bins,
13:45wear a wide awake at.
13:46You look very nice with a false beard.
13:48Anyway,
13:49there's no point in going on.
13:50I mean,
13:50if he's had it on,
13:50I'm a bar of soap.
13:51Look,
13:52Mrs. Wiggins paid a fortnight in advance,
13:54and we give her her money's worth.
13:57talking of money.
14:00My exes.
14:06Of.
14:1362 pounds.
14:15Well,
14:16the lot went to charity.
14:16Charity.
14:17What charity?
14:19Bookmakers,
14:19benevolent.
14:21There are times.
14:25All right.
14:26See Maureen on your way out.
14:28Where am I going?
14:29I'm going to see Mrs. Wiggins.
14:31Do what?
14:32You witnessed a crime.
14:34Right?
14:35It's an offence to conceal a crime.
14:37Right.
14:39Only in this case,
14:40the crime happens to concern
14:41our client's husband.
14:43The gentleman you were tailing
14:44so discreetly last night
14:45you ended up kissing him
14:46at night on the doorstep.
14:48Now,
14:49either you're going to break the law
14:50or seriously embarrass the client.
14:53And I'd rather you told Mrs. Wiggins
14:55about it
14:55than I did.
14:58Right?
15:02What if she wants her dough break?
15:03Well,
15:04if you have 62 pounds expense money
15:06and arresting installments.
15:08You know,
15:09it's your loyalty
15:10to us islands
15:11that makes you so lovable.
15:14James,
15:15the photo you took.
15:17Stuck it in to be developed.
15:28Tell wasn't available.
15:30Getting out of bed in the mornings
15:32was an act of heroic self-sacrifice
15:33for that idle super tipster.
15:36Didn't really matter.
15:37Jolly Wally wouldn't be moving
15:38far from his betting offices.
15:40The only affair he was having
15:41was with his money.
15:47Can I help you, son?
15:49I've been here twice before,
15:51but this Jobsworth
15:52still treated me
15:53as an intruder.
15:55I'm, uh,
15:55I'm just nepping in
15:56to burgle a few flights.
15:58Couldn't lend me a gemmy,
15:58could you?
15:59Oh, no,
15:59that's more than me Jobsworth.
16:03I've got an appointment
16:03to see Mrs. Wiggins,
16:04flat 16.
16:05Oh, you know what floor it is,
16:06do you, sir?
16:07You asked me that the last time.
16:08Top floor.
16:09Good morning, Miss Stastanopoulos.
16:11Good morning, Henry.
16:13Wow.
16:14Well, I can see
16:15this job's not all interrogation.
16:16Eh, Henry?
16:18Should I call Mrs. Wiggins, sir?
16:20Tell her you're on the way up.
16:21Nah,
16:22I can't stand to hear people shout.
16:23Like, stignantly.
16:25You know what I mean?
16:33I had no intention
16:35of confessing all
16:35of the bold Ida Wiggins,
16:37but I did think
16:37it might be an idea
16:38to tell her
16:38she was wasting her money
16:39and my time.
17:04You were what?
17:05I was just passing
17:07and I thought that I'd
17:08nip me in and settle up
17:09with you for last night.
17:10Settle up.
17:11Yeah, for the drinks
17:12that you brought me
17:13and my mate.
17:13I've got this thing
17:15about Ponson, see?
17:17Listen, I don't want that, son.
17:18You keep it.
17:19No, no, go on.
17:20Make me feel better.
17:22All right,
17:23if you insist.
17:27You, um,
17:29hear any more
17:29about your motor,
17:30did you?
17:31You could say.
17:32Oh, the old bills
17:33found it, haven't they?
17:36You fancy a drink,
17:37do you, son?
17:39I've got to have
17:39somebody to talk to.
17:43Got troubles, have you?
17:46My wife's left me.
17:49Are you serious?
17:51I don't know
17:52what I'm gonna do.
17:53Well, why?
17:55How's that?
17:56Uh, no,
17:57not for me, thanks, Wally.
17:58It's, uh,
17:58it's a bit early.
17:59Fine.
18:03Cleaned out the safe
18:04safe as well.
18:09What, your wife?
18:11Who else?
18:14She, um,
18:16left you before,
18:16has she?
18:17Never.
18:18You know,
18:19I can't believe
18:19this is happening.
18:21Oh, no,
18:21it's probably something else.
18:23I mean,
18:23some kind of emergency.
18:24No, no, no, no.
18:25They've taken me money,
18:26me car.
18:27Me car?
18:28They?
18:29Yeah.
18:30You know,
18:30I've only just worked it out.
18:32I never thought of it before.
18:34That car's belled up
18:36as the klaxon goes off
18:37as soon as you switch
18:38on the ignition.
18:39I mean,
18:39I'd have heard it
18:40in the pub.
18:41She must have given him
18:42my spare set of keys.
18:44Who?
18:45Who?
18:46The bastard
18:46she's run off with.
18:47Who else?
18:49Are you saying
18:49that she's left you
18:50for another geezer?
18:53Well,
18:53of course that's
18:54what I'm saying.
18:54What do you think
18:55I'm saying?
18:56Well,
18:56I'm...
18:57Nothing of it.
18:58You sure?
18:59You want me to lay odds?
19:02Look at this.
19:04Left a note.
19:08What am I going to do?
19:11Don't say anything here
19:12about another bloke.
19:13Of course not.
19:14She obviously doesn't
19:15want me to know
19:15about the bastard.
19:16I mean,
19:17you can see.
19:17She's trying to make out
19:18that it's my fault.
19:20That I treated her badly.
19:22Badly.
19:23I worshipped the woman.
19:25Anything she wanted
19:26she only had to ask.
19:27You mean that you knew
19:28that she was playing
19:29games with his keyser
19:30but she didn't know
19:31you knew?
19:31Well,
19:32of course I didn't know.
19:33You think I'd stand still
19:34for something like that?
19:35Well,
19:35and how do you know
19:36she did the off-line?
19:38The whole porter
19:39saw him leaving.
19:40He was carrying her case.
19:42Could have been a cab driver.
19:44Driving my car.
19:46Jobsworth see that
19:47as well,
19:47did he?
19:49Jobsworth?
19:50No,
19:50I didn't all call her.
19:52No.
19:55When did she win, boy?
19:58When I was with you
19:58in the pub.
20:00See,
20:00she knows
20:00I always drop in there
20:01for a couple
20:02on a Thursday.
20:04Well,
20:05I know it's none
20:05of my business
20:05but how much
20:07did they take?
20:08About five grand.
20:10Plus what was in the car,
20:11maybe another two.
20:13You haven't got
20:13a joint account.
20:14Don't worry,
20:15I already thought of that.
20:16I rang the bank
20:17first thing this morning.
20:19Told the lawyer.
20:20What's to tell him?
20:21My wife's gone off
20:22and left me.
20:23Please help me
20:24get her back.
20:25Well,
20:25I know it's an
20:26old-fashioned view,
20:27Wally,
20:28but some people
20:28might call taking
20:29a man's car
20:30and seven grand.
20:31Fifth?
20:32She's my wife.
20:33What's hers is mine
20:34and what's mine
20:35is hers.
20:36Well,
20:36they call me
20:37a sentimental fool
20:37but I'd be after
20:38him with a meat axe.
20:40You don't understand,
20:41son.
20:43I've been with that
20:43woman for 23 years.
20:45I couldn't do
20:46nothing like that to her.
20:47What about him?
20:49I could break
20:49both his legs
20:50and use his skull
20:50as an ashtray
20:51but what good
20:51would that do?
20:53Nah,
20:54she don't want me.
20:56That's where
20:56the pain is,
20:57son.
20:59Sure you don't
21:00want one of these?
21:00No,
21:01thanks.
21:03Honey,
21:05been on the
21:05wagon for a
21:06two-stretch now
21:06buying those
21:07couple on a
21:07Thursday.
21:10I shouldn't be
21:11bending your ear
21:12with my problems.
21:13No,
21:13no,
21:13it's just
21:14that I got
21:15this meat,
21:15you see.
21:15Yeah,
21:16well,
21:16you shoot off.
21:18I mean,
21:18don't let me
21:19keep you.
21:21Well,
21:22I'm sorry
21:24to hear about
21:24your wife,
21:25Wally.
21:25Yeah,
21:25you can't
21:26win them all,
21:27even in my game.
21:29If there's
21:30anything I can
21:30do to work.
21:32Good of you
21:33asking.
21:34I'll tell you
21:35what,
21:36look,
21:36why don't you
21:37give me your
21:38telephone number?
21:40If I hear of
21:40anything that's
21:41trying,
21:41you might do
21:42yourself a bit
21:42of good.
21:44Just don't bet
21:45anything I'll
21:45give you with
21:45me,
21:46all right?
21:48Matter of fact,
21:48I was thinking
21:49of putting my
21:49dough into
21:50something sensible,
21:52like war bonds.
21:55I gave him
21:56me number
21:57anyway.
21:57Would have
21:58looked funny
21:58if I didn't.
22:00Well,
22:00this was
22:01a right
22:01old turn-up.
22:02The thing
22:03I couldn't
22:03figure was
22:03why Wally's
22:04wife had
22:04bothered to
22:05iron me in
22:05the first
22:05place if
22:06she intended
22:06running off
22:07herself.
22:08If that's
22:08what did
22:09happen.
22:16Ever
22:16thought of
22:17racing,
22:17Nat?
22:18I beg your
22:18pardon?
22:19Oh,
22:19no,
22:19a dog
22:19who could
22:19beat her,
22:20heck me.
22:23Like a crust
22:24in a random
22:25moth.
22:33Do the
22:33tenants know
22:34you're a
22:34professional
22:34pervert?
22:35Uh-huh.
22:36Back, are we,
22:36sir?
22:36Oh, I've never
22:37left.
22:38Now tell me,
22:39how come you
22:39didn't tell me
22:40that Mrs. Wiggins
22:41wasn't in?
22:42Well, I wasn't
22:42to know she
22:43wasn't in,
22:44sir.
22:44But Mr. Wiggins
22:45says you saw
22:46her leaving
22:46here last night.
22:47Leaving, sir?
22:47With a man
22:48carrying a
22:48suitcase?
22:50Ah, yes,
22:50that's right,
22:51sir, yes,
22:51but that was
22:51last night.
22:52She could have
22:53returned whilst I
22:54was at you, too.
22:54Well, that's funny,
22:55I thought you
22:55was a fixture.
22:56You, uh,
22:57spend the night
22:57with plaything
22:58in a month,
22:58did you?
22:59I don't believe
22:59all found
22:59respectable.
23:00Well, no,
23:00that's perfect.
23:02Now, this, uh,
23:02fellow you
23:03saw leak,
23:04give me a
23:04description,
23:04could you?
23:05Your interest,
23:06sir.
23:08Maintaining
23:08the moral tone
23:08of the flats.
23:09Now, for instance,
23:10did the tenants
23:10know that they're
23:11respectable
23:12porters into
23:13porn?
23:13Well, we'll
23:13see what that,
23:14uh, has
23:14got to do with
23:15anything.
23:15Could be more
23:16than your job's
23:16worth.
23:18Job's worth.
23:21Well, the man
23:21that left, uh,
23:22with Mrs. Wiggins,
23:23sir, I'd never
23:24seen him before.
23:25So would he look
23:25like me?
23:26Now, that's
23:26difficult to say,
23:27sir.
23:27Well, was he
23:28tall, sure.
23:30He was, uh,
23:32he was sort of
23:33medium.
23:34Fat?
23:35Thin?
23:37Well, he was,
23:38uh, average,
23:40you know.
23:41Colour of hair?
23:42Well, it wasn't
23:43light, it wasn't
23:44dark, um,
23:45it was a neutral
23:46colour.
23:47Yeah, you're
23:47distinguishing features?
23:48Not that I
23:49noticed, sir.
23:50You know, you've
23:50got a remarkable
23:51ability for
23:52detailed description.
23:53Medium-eye,
23:54average build,
23:55neutral air,
23:56no distinguishing
23:57features.
23:57Terrific.
23:58Should be able
23:58to pick him
23:58out anywhere.
24:00Oh, there was
24:01one thing that
24:02I noticed, sir,
24:02quite distinctly.
24:03Eh?
24:04What was that?
24:05It was
24:05nondescript.
24:06It was very
24:07noticeable,
24:07that distinctly
24:08nondescript.
24:09Are you taking
24:09the piss out of
24:10me?
24:10Who, me?
24:11No, I wouldn't
24:11do that, would I?
24:12It's more than
24:12me, uh...
24:12Uh, Jobsworth.
24:15Was the sort
24:16of bloke that
24:16made this country
24:17great.
24:18Its teeth.
24:20Thing is, what
24:21did I do now?
24:22Whether Jolly
24:23Wally was having
24:23rudies on the side
24:24or not, it was
24:25redundant now that
24:25the client had done
24:26a moonlight.
24:28But why the hell
24:28would she pay for
24:29a fortnight's fee
24:30up front if that
24:31was her intention?
24:32Doesn't make sense.
24:35Woman's prerogative.
24:36Well, you've met her,
24:37can you believe it?
24:38Well, it's happened.
24:40What did it say
24:40in the letter?
24:42Exactly.
24:42Well, I can't remember
24:43it word for word,
24:44can I?
24:45But anyway, roughly,
24:46it says,
24:46Wally, it's no good.
24:48I've had enough
24:49of your cheating,
24:49your lying,
24:50your filthy temper,
24:51your damn drunkenness.
24:52I'm leaving.
24:53Uh, me lawyer's
24:54gonna be in touch
24:54about a divorce,
24:55et cetera, et cetera.
24:56I know.
24:58Well, here's the letter
24:59she wrote me
25:00asking me if I take
25:01the case.
25:02So?
25:03So it's her
25:04handwriting, Dumbo.
25:06Does it look the same
25:07to you as I'm the one
25:08that Wiggin showed you?
25:09Well, I'm no expert,
25:10but, yeah,
25:12I'd say that
25:14you're damn drunkenness.
25:15Pardon?
25:16Wally's.
25:17No, I mean,
25:18I've been schlepping
25:18about on his daily
25:19for a week now.
25:20I've only seen him
25:20have a drink twice.
25:22What?
25:22Well, that hardly
25:23makes a matter
25:23to be wide-eyed
25:24and legless
25:24like his missus
25:25says in his dear John,
25:26does it?
25:28Well, some drunks
25:29have been known
25:29to keep their little
25:30weaknesses
25:30to the privacy
25:31of their own people.
25:32Or office.
25:34There's another thing.
25:36He was clean-shaven
25:37and had changed his gear.
25:39Wally?
25:39Now, look,
25:40your missus
25:41has had it away
25:41with some,
25:42geezer,
25:42and your money.
25:43You've been up
25:43all night worrying
25:44about it,
25:44and you know
25:45what I mean?
25:46No.
25:47What are you suggesting?
25:49I don't know,
25:50but something stinks.
25:53Do you want to forget it?
25:55Well, like you said,
25:57the lady has paid
25:58for a fortnight.
25:58Which was why
25:59I was back on her job.
26:04Would you want
26:04to come here,
26:05Jim, Jim?
26:06I could have gone
26:07back to my local
26:07in Oxford.
26:08I mean,
26:08it's not exactly
26:09lively, is it?
26:10No, it would have
26:10been closed,
26:11Tom,
26:11we got there.
26:12Leading hall,
26:12Harry's boozer?
26:13A lot must have
26:14after us,
26:15didn't he?
26:15Well, we in a
26:15trade call
26:16following a lead,
26:18Oh, I get it.
26:20If you've got
26:21reason,
26:21I believe it's
26:22Gladys
26:22he's given one thing.
26:24You'll catch on
26:25to the finer points
26:25of this game
26:26fast, Tom.
26:27Hello, lads.
26:28Been throwing
26:29your money away again?
26:30No, we had to
26:31knock it on the head
26:31because my mate's
26:32dodgy ticket.
26:33Photo finish
26:34after,
26:34Dr. Baldi.
26:35Go on with you.
26:36What'll it be, then?
26:37Top?
26:38A pint of keg, love, please.
26:39I'll have half a lard.
26:41Oh, all right.
26:43I mean, she's a lovely lady,
26:44but aren't you
26:45your object of carnal design?
26:46I'll tell you what,
26:47I'd rather be up her
26:48than up the old Bailey.
26:49What?
26:50Yeah, I've got a
26:51crass mind to tell you,
26:52you know that.
26:52Oh, is that catching?
26:55Now, listen,
26:55I still don't get you.
26:57Look,
26:58while these old ladies
26:58nick these reddies,
26:59done a bunk with a punk,
27:01you still want to make one?
27:02It's a foreign philosophy
27:03called moral obligation.
27:04You run a verdict.
27:06There you are,
27:07one for you
27:07and one for you.
27:08Thanks, darling.
27:09You're welcome.
27:10Cheers.
27:12What, he been in, has he?
27:13No, he only comes in
27:14on a first day.
27:15Oh, I thought he liked a drink.
27:17Used to.
27:18I've got to see him
27:19knocking and peck last night.
27:20Yeah, I noticed that.
27:21I haven't seen him do that
27:22for, what,
27:22a couple of years now.
27:24You married him?
27:25Oh, yes.
27:26That's why I had to calm down,
27:27you know what I mean?
27:28Was there a trouble
27:29with the strife?
27:30That was her conditions
27:31for coming back.
27:33I think that.
27:34Fifting once,
27:35didn't she, poor one?
27:36Used to love a laugh
27:37and a joke.
27:38Yeah, I noticed that.
27:40When did all this happen,
27:41then?
27:41Like I say,
27:42a couple of years ago.
27:43It's never been the same
27:44since.
27:45Shame, really.
27:46Nice man.
27:47Well, just the booze,
27:48was it?
27:48I mean, not out of women.
27:49Well, I never saw him
27:50with any,
27:50but you never know
27:52with you men,
27:52do you?
27:53You brought her in
27:54a couple of times
27:54for a wife.
27:55I can't say
27:55that it took to her.
27:57Disapproving time,
27:58you know what I mean?
27:58That's the trouble
27:59with us men.
28:00Give up anything
28:01except sex for love.
28:04You don't think
28:04it's love
28:05that keeps couples
28:06together
28:06after 20 odd years,
28:07do you?
28:08What then?
28:09Blue?
28:09Abby, it's guilt.
28:11Who knows?
28:12Excuse me, Dad.
28:14Where's she going?
28:17What a point, Tom.
28:18What's jolly wally's going?
28:21That's funny.
28:23What is?
28:24He's doing a left.
28:26I'll take him
28:26away from his place.
28:29Wally had been
28:30collecting back
28:31some of his recent losses
28:32from the mug punters
28:33at Arringay that night.
28:34I'd followed him
28:35straight back to his flats
28:36from there in Tell's van.
28:37It being too dodgy
28:38to use my motor
28:39now that he'd seen it.
28:41And the place it took us
28:42was a restaurant
28:44in Camden town.
29:17What do you reckon, then?
29:19I don't know.
29:21Well, he's probably
29:21got him for something
29:22to eat, hasn't he?
29:23Got no one at home
29:24to cook for him now,
29:25has he?
29:26Want me to have a butcher's?
29:28Yeah.
29:29All right, but careful.
29:31You know what I mean?
29:31You know me, Jim Jim.
29:33Careful enough
29:34not to put any
29:34of my own dough
29:35on a dog the other day.
29:38All right?
29:44That's the thing
29:44about Cousin Tell.
29:46He had more
29:47front than Selfridges.
29:50It was Saturday.
29:52Well, he had done acne
29:53in the morning,
29:54his betting officers
29:55till six,
29:56then on to the White City
29:56for the evening meeting,
29:58and now this.
29:59And not a sign
30:00of dodgy behaviour,
30:01yet.
30:02But he told me
30:03pork pies.
30:04And if you lie,
30:05you have something to eye,
30:06right?
30:18Well?
30:19He sat in a corner
30:20ordering his curts away,
30:21didn't he?
30:22On his tut?
30:23Yeah.
30:25Didn't see her, did he?
30:26No, no, no.
30:27There's a bar
30:27just inside the door
30:28with a sort of
30:29wrought iron thing
30:30blocking off the tables
30:31on that.
30:32Here they've got
30:32a dance floor
30:33and a group
30:34playing all that
30:34bubble music,
30:35hasn't they?
30:37That's because
30:37it's a Greek restaurant.
30:39tell.
30:39I know,
30:40I know that.
30:41I mean,
30:42I'm not stupid,
30:42am I?
30:44I like all that
30:45bubble nuts,
30:45don't I?
30:47You sure he
30:48couldn't blimp you
30:48from the bar?
30:51What are you having,
30:52then?
30:55having a drink?
30:56I'll have you having a
30:56drink?
30:57Thanks for having me.
30:57Thank you, dear.
31:01How's your wine?
31:02A large half a lager.
31:03Two bottles of lager,
31:04please, John.
31:05Don't do draft,
31:06do you know,
31:06you're not?
31:08You smell that nice
31:09and starving.
31:12Who's my guest?
31:13Same to you,
31:14mate.
31:14Oh, cool.
31:15Feel free.
31:21I'd like a bottle of champagne sent over to Mr. Wickford's table, please, Nicholas.
31:25Hey, do you hear that?
31:41No wonder we've never captured him with a burglary.
31:44She lives in the same block of flats as Wally.
31:47So the mum's got a fancy woman, so what?
31:49Who owns the restaurant?
31:50Which means our client was right.
31:52Yeah, so why would she disappear after paying two weeks in advance for my superior services?
31:56Probably because she realised how useless you are.
31:58Oh, come off it, Minty, it stinks.
32:00Look, Mrs. Wiggins told me that he sometimes didn't get in until two or three in the morning.
32:04The latest time James saw him arriving at the flats was eleven.
32:07Because he was slipping into Molina's and having a ball.
32:09And another thing, he spent all night in the pub boozing, which is something the landlady says he hasn't done
32:13for two years.
32:14To establish an alibi.
32:16And don't forget the car.
32:17Get the car?
32:18Now, it was belled up, which means we would have heard it in the boozer.
32:20If Mrs. Wiggins gave the man she's run off with the keys, she would also tell them how to fix
32:25their alarm bell, wouldn't she?
32:26So why didn't she mention the man in the letter she left?
32:28And why would Wally lie to me about his missus never having left him?
32:32Now, it's my guess is that the letter she wrote him was the one she wrote him two years before
32:35when she did leave him.
32:36What is all this guesswork supposed to prove?
32:38Long.
32:40Two days after, right?
32:42He's drinking champers and doing a public love scene with a woman who lives in the same block of flats.
32:46After telling me that he's worshipped the ground his missus walks on.
32:49What exactly are you trying to tell me?
32:52We think he's arranged to get rid of her.
32:56Get rid?
32:58What we in the trade call murder.
33:02And I've got a photo being developed that's going to show us who the actual killer is.
33:06Oh, yeah.
33:42Ha!
33:43Some sleuth.
33:45Yeah, well, I admit it's not all that clear.
33:47It's useless.
33:49It's what?
33:51Useless.
33:51Oh, I think she's to rip it.
33:53What?
33:53Yeah, well, I mean, you can see what kind of clothes the geezers wear.
33:56Ah, white jersey, black mustache.
33:58Yeah, well, it might be Omar Sharif.
33:59I mean, I thought the yard could tell a geezer's blood grew from a clue like that.
34:16Oh, I'd like to give that some stick my light on.
34:20Here, job.
34:22What are you doing?
34:23Well, I've got some of that slinging dishes, Damon, I am.
34:26I'm weary to catch a murderer and all he wants to do is fling plates about.
34:29Hard right?
34:30Nonsense.
34:30What are you doing here?
34:32Well, I thought you had invited me out to dinner.
34:34It's about time we ordered.
34:38What's this, then?
34:39Are you following me or something, Inspector?
34:41Oh, I wouldn't say that, Mr. Wiggins.
34:43After all, I was here before you arrived.
34:45Well, that's fancy meeting you here, as they say.
34:49Gentlemen, enjoy yourself.
34:50Let's go.
34:59I thought we agreed.
35:01When Jolly Wally arrived, we give him the heavy mob treatment.
35:04Oh.
35:04You know, like the icy suspicious eyes searing into his conscience.
35:08Make him think we know something.
35:10That'll make him do something stupid.
35:11Oh, I don't know.
35:12What?
35:12Well, I don't know.
35:13Like showing us who the actual killer is, maybe.
35:15You know your trouble, Hazel?
35:16Laser-like mind.
35:17Hey, whoopee!
35:19Tell, must you do that?
35:20It's the business, isn't it, eh?
35:22I tell you, it all adds up, just the way Wiggins said.
35:25I've made all possible enquiries.
35:27She is just another runaway wife.
35:29Yeah, except this one ran away with seven green.
35:31Well, he doesn't want to press charges like he says.
35:34Joint property.
35:35Yeah, well, tell me that when her joints surface on the embankment.
35:38Hey, Dim Dim, you've got to get in on this cover.
35:40No, it's all Greek to me, Tell.
35:41Look, are you seriously telling me?
35:44Tell me what he did.
35:45Tell me what he did.
35:48Not so much as a twitch.
35:51What about never on Sunday, then?
35:52All right, her and Wiggins, she'll laugh.
35:55Yeah, well, beware of bubbles bearing belly last.
35:57Here we go!
35:59Look, you want my opinion?
36:01No.
36:02Well, he's put money into this place, and her pad.
36:04Now, have you checked that out?
36:05Of course I've checked it.
36:07Her family's got money, she's clean.
36:09Oh, come on, you must have checked it thoroughly.
36:11What about the show of love and affection, me and Tell the sort?
36:13Maybe she feels sorry for her.
36:16Yeah, well, they're emotional types, these medical aliens.
36:19What about the dear John letter?
36:21Well, part of potent.
36:22Oh, look, if my guess is right, that was the letter that Mrs Wiggins wrote when she left him two
36:26years before.
36:27Now, for those that may be able to prove that, did you give it to them?
36:30Oh, trippy.
36:31Right, marvellous.
36:32You know, you're all speculation, Hazel, not fact.
36:34Yeah, it's what detectives call instinct.
36:36Oh.
36:37Nice to see.
36:39Hey.
36:42Oh, my face washing up, isn't it?
36:44Come on, girl.
36:46Whew.
36:50Whew.
36:51Whew, my face.
36:56Oh, yeah.
37:00Well, you're a naughty man.
37:08I promise you'll be happy.
37:09Marina, I'm sorry.
37:10I had a flat tire at the track, and you know what garages are like.
37:13Oh, you are.
37:17Now, let me introduce you.
37:19Oh, Mr Minky.
37:21Oh, no, no, no, please stay seated.
37:23You know the Inspector Melina?
37:25Yes, he was asking me a few questions.
37:28How good of you to come to my little establishment.
37:30You like, yes?
37:32Yes, very nice, Miss Stasnopoulos.
37:34Oh, no, no, no, I told you.
37:36You must call me Melina.
37:38And you've brought friends.
37:39How charming.
37:40Yes, this is James Hazel.
37:43We have met.
37:44We have?
37:45Oh, a brief but delightful encounter.
37:48Mother, in the foyer of your flats.
37:50Asked about your dog's racing ability.
37:52Ah, yes.
37:53You were very rude about my pooch.
37:58You two are a policeman, Mr Hazel.
38:01More your sort of inquiry agent.
38:03I was working for the late Mrs Wiggins.
38:06Late?
38:07I do not understand.
38:09Mr Hazel has a rather sick imagination.
38:12Melina.
38:13That is not a very nice thing to say, Mr Hazel.
38:16Poor Wally is very upset about his wife leaving him.
38:20Yeah, I noticed.
38:21Champagne.
38:22It's great for depression.
38:24Champagne?
38:24Yeah, bubbly bubbly.
38:26You know, bubbly and squeak, creak.
38:30That's Cousin Tull.
38:32He thinks you're terrific.
38:33Pleased to meet you, darling.
38:34Look, any chance of getting served round here?
38:36He's also sophisticated and full of charm.
38:38I leave off.
38:39I'm starving, aren't I?
38:40You are hungry, yes?
38:41Bleeding famished.
38:42I don't understand a menu, do I?
38:45Look, Melina, why don't you order for the gentleman?
38:48For all of us, in fact.
38:50I'm feeling rather peckish myself.
38:51Nikos.
38:52Yes, I will order.
38:59Well, down to meet, gents.
39:02Why don't you join us, Wally?
39:06I should have known when you came round with all that bullshit about not being a booze-ponce.
39:10In that case, I'll have my father back.
39:13I suppose it was him that sent you along, Inspector.
39:17I'm sorry you've been embarrassed, Mr. Wiggins.
39:19Do you understand?
39:20These things have to be checked out.
39:22I think nothing of it.
39:24We all have our jobs to do.
39:25Now, you all enjoy a good meal and I go get checked, okay?
39:32That is a tasty soup, pal.
39:34Can't you put me in that, eh?
39:36I'm afraid you're a bit too young for her, son.
39:39You're not too old, though.
39:40Are you, Wally?
39:43You know the inspector's right.
39:45You do have a sick imagination.
39:47Yeah.
39:47Look, I'm imagining how quickly you seem to have recovered from your recent loss.
39:52It's a question of dignity, son.
39:54When you grow up, you'll know that you don't let it show.
39:57Not in public, anyway.
39:58Yeah.
39:59Well, when I grow up, I'm going to get amongst them older women, right?
40:04I mean, it was hard to believe.
40:06There was I, convinced that Wally had had his old lady done to death
40:08with enough circumstantial for even a dumbo like Minty to do the
40:11we have reason to believe routine, and here they were having a jolly up.
40:15That was too much.
40:17Call me a naive sentimental fool, but I don't like the idea of Jolly Wally getting away with murder.
40:22Especially when the victim was a paying client.
40:25If he was going to get his collar felt, it was clearly down to me to come up with a
40:28convincer.
40:30But how the hell was I going to do that?
40:35Not any good forges, do we?
40:37What have we been up to now?
40:39I'm operating on the takes one to catch one theory.
40:43Takes one what?
40:44I'm also operating on a need-to-know basis, so I'm not telling you.
40:48Have you got a letter that Idle Wiggins sent you?
40:50No.
40:51Not unless you tell me what you're wanting for them.
40:54The library's closed, and I need something to read.
41:06There.
41:08Tells you no bent stripe.
41:09Bye.
41:10See you later.
41:30Terrific.
41:32I had to pay on.
41:35How much?
41:36Pony.
41:38Tell.
41:39Well, you wouldn't try and screw Uncle Jim, would you?
41:43God loves a try.
41:45A score.
41:45That's straight.
41:49Well, you know, that's all down to waxes, isn't it?
41:51Not unless it works.
41:53Now, don't forget.
41:54Give me five minutes with him before you put it in the box, alright?
41:56Right.
41:57And tell Jobsworth at the desk that it's a special delivery.
42:00And any better scarper, a bit lively.
42:02Okay.
42:03You've got some front.
42:05Apologise?
42:07Yeah.
42:07Well, I was well out of order, Wally.
42:08You see, I've met your wife, and she didn't seem the type.
42:12Yeah.
42:12And that's what I thought, son.
42:14And I was married to her for 23 years.
42:17Was?
42:17You still are, aren't you?
42:20Well, that's what I meant.
42:22Look, this may seem a bit strong, but if you want me to help you find her,
42:29You know, you are amazing.
42:32We've all got a living to, mate.
42:34And how much of my money was my good lady paying you to investigate me?
42:38Only a day, plus expenses.
42:39That's cheap by the day standards.
42:41Yeah.
42:43Yeah, cheap, alright.
43:19Well, something wrong, is there?
43:23Hmm.
43:25Nice.
43:27Listen, I've got things to do.
43:29I think you're trying to tell me something.
43:33Okay, Wally.
43:35No hard feelings, eh?
43:37Goodbye, son.
43:52He fell for it. No sweat.
43:55Do you think he's going to maintain that?
43:57No, it's doggies this afternoon.
43:59On the other end.
44:01Yeah, but if he knows she's dead,
44:03how can she be writing threatening blackmail letters?
44:05From the grave?
44:06Look, Dumbo, it's Mr Nondescript
44:08who's done the dastardly deed, right?
44:10But now Wally won't be sure, will he?
44:13And he's been on the phone, hasn't he, to him,
44:15saying he's had this letter from her,
44:16in her handwriting. You follow?
44:21I get it.
44:22He's phoned Mr Nondescript asking for proof, hasn't he?
44:26Now you're getting the idea.
44:27Right.
44:28And what's the only sure proof?
44:31The body.
44:32Right.
44:33You don't think he'll bring it here, do you?
44:35Oh, yeah, that's a dead cert, isn't it?
44:36He's going to lead us to it, right?
44:40I die.
44:44Oh, no, no!
44:46No now!
44:47No!
44:48Mellon!
44:48When a hear?
44:55Come on.
44:58Come on, брon.
44:59Come on, blind man.
45:01Go on traffico!
45:03Go on gwoon!
45:12That's a bastard, dear.
45:18Don't look as if they're going digging together.
45:21You're right.
45:23Well, we proved the connection.
45:24Minty could do the rest.
45:37Excuse me, Governor.
45:38What?
45:39We'll be over you.
45:40Nick's any good motorists lately?
45:59See you again.
46:04See you again.
46:44Get him in here, LeBlanc.
46:46Now, what's this all about?
46:47It's about murder, squire.
46:49Murder?
46:50What the bleeding hell are you on about?
46:51Your little conspiracy with jolly wallet
46:53to dispose of his good lady.
46:55Well, Ida.
46:57I think you've made a bit of a rickety, don't you?
47:03Keep the poison in here!
47:06Keep the poison in here!
47:19Hello, Mr. Hazel.
47:21Ida!
47:22Ida!
47:23Alive and well, Wally, darling.
47:25He's on his way.
47:28Wasted journey.
47:31Unless you're planning to do him for conspiracy.
47:33But you're not, right?
47:36We're doing all right, won't we, Patrick?
47:38Where it hurts.
47:44I think Wally's going to feel the pain in his wallet for a long time.
47:47Yes, well, he had planned to get rid of Ida and move in with Melina.
47:51Did you tell Ida, by the way, that blackmail's against him?
47:53She laughed.
47:55That wasn't going to prove it, she said, without a complaining victim.
47:58One squeal out of Wally, and he ends up getting done for conspiracy to murder.
48:02She even gave me the full SP.
48:04Coin, it seems, had owed Wally a couple of grand.
48:06Wally persuaded him to get shot of Ida to wipe out the debt
48:08and collect a bonus of seven grand from what was in the boot and the safe.
48:14Yeah, presumably when the time came, Coin didn't have the nerve to go through with it.
48:17Right.
48:17So he's confessed all to Ida, hasn't he?
48:19Sweet as apple cider.
48:21And she's seen her chance to give Wally the elbow and keep in touch with the money.
48:31Nine of all!
48:33Nine of all!
48:34Drink on Millie!
48:35Drink on me, madam!
48:36What?
48:37Ed, seven of the two, Connie!
48:39Ed!
48:40Eddie!
48:40Nine of all of it!
48:41Funny, really, I never thought I'd feel sorry for a boogie.
48:46One, one morning
48:49Woke out where the ceiling fell
48:54Born one morning
48:56Woke out where the ceiling fell
49:01You learned everything you knew in six days
49:04On the seventh day you knew it very well
49:09You trusted pretty women
49:12A pretty woman had you tied and bound
49:16You trusted in the bottle
49:19But in the end that bottle got you down
49:24You've tried everything that's going
49:27Better leave it all to faith this time around
49:32You've been down so long
49:34It looks like her
49:37Ain't that a shame?
49:41Down so long
49:42It looks like her
49:45Ain't that a shame?
49:48You know you'll have my chance tomorrow
49:50And then again
49:52It might stay just about the same
49:55Ain't that a shame?
49:58Ain't that a shame?
50:02Ain't that a shame?
50:03You're alive
50:08Ain't that a shame?
50:09N'
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