- 3 hours ago
Temptation Island - Season 4 - Episode 07: Message Received
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00:02Previously on temptation island, do you want me? I feel like sometimes I just get scared of like where it
00:10could like end up
00:13That's who's back to get between you and your girl
00:18I
00:24Got a text message from somebody that I had that was like, hey sir, are you up? Wake up so
00:31you can
00:35Only want you forget Ashley. I need you in my life as a girlfriend future
00:42wife
00:46me
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03:35How are you doing?
03:40Gentlemen, welcome to Bonfire.
03:43How are you feeling?
03:44How are you doing?
03:45Nervous.
03:46Nervous.
03:46Anxious?
03:47Yeah, anxious for sure, definitely.
03:49Hanya, we're gonna start with you.
03:51All right.
03:52Okay, here we go.
03:57I like you and you are patient and you're sweet.
04:04I'm glad you're still here.
04:07I'm glad you found me.
04:10I wouldn't want to be on this island without you.
04:33My heart's pounding right now.
04:37Um, you know, I, this is what I wanted her to do, you know, and we didn't set any rules.
04:46And I, I don't know that I expected her to make such a connection, you know?
04:56Uh, out of one part of your mouth, you, you had been saying how you love her so much and
05:01don't want to lose her.
05:02And at the same time, you want this for her.
05:03Mm-hmm.
05:04Um, how, how do you reconcile that?
05:07The same thing I want for her is my greatest fear.
05:11I am dreading that she will make some connection that is more powerful than ours.
05:17Okay.
05:17What does that bring up for you?
05:19And right now what I'm seeing is a little bit of what appears to be mature is actually
05:23a dance around fear of that.
05:25If I really look at this shit, I might get my heart broken.
05:28I don't want to live in fear though.
05:31You know, I, I have been afraid and still am, but I'm not going to live there, you know?
05:37And one of the things that I'm working on is actually putting myself out there for the
05:43person I love.
05:44Thank you, buddy.
05:46Thank you, Mark.
05:47Okay.
05:49Luke, are you ready?
05:51Yes.
05:52Okay.
05:52Here we go.
05:55What is that?
05:57Deek!
05:58It's not Deek from way to pants.
06:02Simon.
06:03That's who's back.
06:04To get between you and your girl.
06:07That's Deek.
06:08I'm not you, I'm a fan.
06:10I'm a fan.
06:10I call you.
06:11I'm good.
06:12I'm Iris.
06:13I like watching everyone.
06:15It does get lonely.
06:16I mean, yeah.
06:18Everyone's going to bed with someone else.
06:20I'm just like, yo.
06:21And I have the master bedroom.
06:23And I'm just like, what the ?
06:29Okay.
06:31Talk to me.
06:32It's pretty funny that he's actually here because I think on social media, she was watching
06:39a lot of his stuff.
06:40I know that she thinks he's really funny and comedic.
06:43Seeing the clip with him coming in and him saying, it's Deek, the guy that gets in between
06:49your girl and your guy or whatever.
06:51Like, time will tell.
06:53But I think Iris is strong enough to, you know, know the difference between him and I.
06:59And, well, let me also say, like, the second you see the clip, you feel one way.
07:05And then five seconds later, where I'm at right now, I'm thinking, okay, so now this
07:10could be a bigger threat.
07:11And now I'm a little more worried than I was 10 seconds ago.
07:14Our brains want to protect us from pain.
07:18And unfortunately, what I'm trying to get you to do is drop that protection to feel pain,
07:23which also lives in your relationship with the single girls.
07:26So maybe some of the women in the house, you want me to open up and really explore that?
07:33What I'm saying is, if you're sitting with somebody and you feel something, feel that,
07:37just like we felt what we felt at the bonfire.
07:39Okay.
07:40I can, I can definitely work on that.
07:42Edgar.
07:45Okay, pal.
07:46Let's watch together.
07:48Here we go.
07:50Love them now.
07:51Oh, it's annoying.
07:53I've rather die.
07:54No, we're doing TS.
08:00Oh, kiss Tommy.
08:01He's so sexy.
08:02Hey!
08:05Hey!
08:06Hey!
08:06Hey!
08:06Hey!
08:07Hey!
08:08Hey!
08:09Hey!
08:20I'm relieved to see that they weren't having sex.
08:24Oh, okay.
08:26I know and I want to let go.
08:32I'm just trying to get my heart to also let go.
08:36Why do you feel that you need to let go?
08:39Because it hurts to love her, Mark.
08:44It hurt before we got here.
08:48It hurt when we were here together.
08:54And now it's just, like, amplified ten times.
08:57You had said last time that she was lying to herself.
09:01You're lying to yourself.
09:02So this gap between what you want to be and what is.
09:06What do you think Jillian was lying to you about or lying to herself about?
09:12I think Jillian was lying to herself about how much she actually loves me.
09:17So then, if she was lying to herself about that, what were you lying to yourself about with Jillian?
09:23I was, um, projecting the ideal woman on her when she wasn't.
09:36She's human.
09:37Yeah.
09:38That's really insightful.
09:40Do you think there's part of you that is, doesn't like it, but is used to the feeling of loving
09:47more than the other person?
09:54Why do you think that is?
09:57I'm not sure.
09:59I'm not sure either.
10:03Okay.
10:06You're not ready for me, are you, LaSalle?
10:08Hang on.
10:10Let's take a look.
10:13How have you been feeling, though, lately, after everything?
10:17Well, last night was a little bit rough, but I just got to keep reminding myself to really think about
10:23what makes me happy,
10:24and that is being with someone who feels comfortable showing their emotions.
10:32What are you writing, babe?
10:33I put BB.
10:35Oh, BB?
10:35Bad bitch?
10:36Blake, gloom and shine.
10:38Yeah!
10:39Oh!
10:40Oh!
10:40Oh!
10:41Oh!
10:41Oh!
10:41Oh!
10:47What you feeling right now?
10:50I can't even say I'm upset, to be honest.
10:53I would like to say I feel hurt, but I don't.
10:56I know she mentioned that, you know, I wish I could be with someone who was expressive,
11:00and I just didn't have the space to do that.
11:04Obviously, right now, I'm just a lot more authentic with how I feel.
11:06I'm more expressive.
11:07I tell Trace.
11:09Yesterday, I told her I love her.
11:11That was big.
11:13And I never thought I'd say that.
11:15Hold on.
11:17So you really, you told her you love her?
11:20Yeah.
11:22What's up?
11:24What are you feeling right now?
11:26It was guilt.
11:28Mm.
11:28Because I know she's going to see that, and she's going to be hurt by that.
11:32But it's real.
11:34You know, everything I'm feeling, that's legit.
11:36That's authentic.
11:37And at first, I was holding that back.
11:39And I said, oh, I don't want to hurt Ashley.
11:41But then, I'm here for myself.
11:43I'm not here to protect anybody else's feelings.
11:45I'm here to discover mine.
11:48Are you saying you're falling out of love with Ashley?
11:51Or is this in addition to?
11:55I'm going to caution all of you from making any definitive decisions until you're done.
12:01Imagine how much has changed since we met, right?
12:05Well, there's potential for more.
12:08One more thing.
12:10Soon, you'll have the option to send a 30-second video message to your girlfriends.
12:16Now, you can say whatever you want in this message, and you don't have to send one if you don't
12:21want to.
12:21It's entirely up to you.
12:23Got it?
12:26Okay, boys.
12:27That's it.
12:29Okay.
12:29Back to the villa.
12:31Good luck on your journey.
12:32And keep working.
12:35Good job.
12:36Thank you, Mark.
12:37All right, guys.
12:39Right now, I'm feeling a range of emotions.
12:42I am happy that Ashley is forming an emotional connection with someone.
12:46And it makes me feel a little bit less guilty having my emotional connection.
13:08Oh, it's good to be home.
13:14Never thought I'd say that about this house.
13:18Considering if I should send a video message or not?
13:20I'm probably not going to send one.
13:23I don't have shit to say.
13:24Yeah.
13:25Or I will send one and just say, hey, you up?
13:29Ponyo has been his way through life, and I'm being shown that I am making the absolute right choice here
13:36by deciding that his happiness really doesn't involve me, and it never has.
13:42Like, if I do send anything, I don't want it to be petty, and that's going to be my first
13:47instinct.
13:47And I feel like being like, you were never worthy of that amount of love from me.
13:54But I don't want to say that to him in a message.
13:57Why?
13:58I want to say that to his face.
14:12Oh, they look so good.
14:13I know.
14:14Hi.
14:15Hey.
14:17How'd it go?
14:19You're doing all right.
14:19I didn't have to watch another sex tape, which was really nice.
14:21That's really good.
14:23You got some words on this one?
14:24Yeah, some words on this one.
14:26Not very many.
14:28There's a big part of me that feels like a fool, you know?
14:33Like an idiot.
14:36Like I've been kidding myself.
14:39Watching her connect with him, it just hurts.
14:43And so, I'm really glad for the opportunity to send her a message tomorrow.
14:50I mean, I finally saw her having a conversation, you know?
14:53Yeah, it was what you wanted.
14:55And that's what I wanted.
14:55Yes.
14:56But it was also like, hard to watch because, you know, I know she's like, really connecting
15:00to this person, but I'm proud of her, you know?
15:04Because she's always telling me that she doesn't connect with people.
15:07And so she found somebody.
15:09And so like, I'm proud of her.
15:10And yes, for her, that includes sex.
15:13So, there it is, you know?
15:15Okay.
15:16I know Hanya's trying to look on the bright side of things, like trying to put a positive
15:20spin on what he sees at the bonfire.
15:23I think in some ways, Hanya may be romanticizing his relationship.
15:27So, I'm nervous that she's going to let him down.
15:30And I care about Hanya, so that would suck.
15:35I'm releasing her.
15:37Yeah.
15:38And tonight helped, um, reinforce that idea.
15:44Yeah.
15:45Because, I mean, they just showed me clips of her making out with what's-what's-his-face.
15:50That's how hurtful.
15:52She's in-she's in the shit!
15:54She's in the shit.
15:54She's really going for it.
15:56Yeah, she is.
15:57And I don't care anymore.
15:59Um, we're supposed to get videos tomorrow.
16:04Oh, that the girls sent?
16:05Yeah.
16:06And I don't want one.
16:08It's time for you to figure out what Edgar wants and what Edgar needs and give that to
16:14yourself.
16:19We saw who the-the other guy was that went in the house.
16:24Yeah.
16:24So, it was Deke.
16:25Yeah, Deke.
16:26Like, when she saw him, she ran up, seemed like she was a little starstruck.
16:30Like, holy shit.
16:31She's-she's really kind of about this guy in this stargazing type of way.
16:37And it's just, like, I would love for her to look at me like that kind of thing.
16:42He's a character.
16:44It's probably one of the bigger threats, maybe, to-to the whole thing.
16:48I think Deke plans on, you know, he's going there with a purpose.
16:53And if, like, Luke's girlfriend's already fangirling over him, it might be trouble.
17:00Yeah.
17:02I think they're gonna be f***ing.
17:03That's my honest opinion.
17:07A lot of times at night, you would think that Asha would come up to mind a lot more,
17:11but she hasn't.
17:13And it's like, that means I'm moving on.
17:16Mm-hmm.
17:17And it's a good feeling, but also, I just need to process me feeling guilty about making
17:25her feel sad.
17:26I feel like I'm hurting my best friend.
17:30I'm feeling, like, a mix of grateful that I found someone and found myself, but also
17:36guilty that because of that, it hurts her.
17:41I just, I care about her as a person.
17:43Mm-hmm.
17:43So I want her to know that what I'm doing is legit.
17:47Mm-hmm.
17:47Like, a legit love you.
17:50We've had our inconsistencies with, you know, feelings, and I still have that, like, part
17:57of me that's like, don't get your hopes up.
18:02Yeah.
18:02Like, you're saying that, but, you know, we still have some time here, then shit may
18:06change.
18:08I'm sure right now, in this space, right here, I'm a very happy person.
18:13Oh, that matters.
18:13Because I've been working on myself.
18:17Mm-hmm.
18:17We've been working on us.
18:19If I had to make a decision now, I would lay with you.
18:23Why are you lying?
18:25There is a piece of hope that I'm like, you know, maybe he will pick me over everything,
18:29but I actually think it's just very premature, and I still think he has a lot of emotions
18:35and thoughts that he kind of has to come to terms with before he makes that decision.
18:39Talking would definitely help.
18:41It's so helpful.
18:42Mm-hmm.
18:45Ooh.
18:56I saw that my boyfriend was talking to the same girl, saying, I want you to be my girlfriend,
19:01my wife.
19:03Um, forget Ashley.
19:05You know, I feel like the past seven years were just fake, like, lies he was telling me,
19:10and now I see his true colors.
19:12I feel like I don't deserve anything like that, but I still, I still couldn't deal with
19:22it.
19:25Maybe I'm just too afraid to just move on.
19:30And I know it's not good, but still I just, I kind of just suck it up.
19:39It's nothing you did, I can promise you that.
19:42I know, I didn't do anything wrong.
19:43Exactly.
19:44You and me have just been here, just enjoying each other's company.
19:50Yeah.
19:52Yeah.
20:02I feel like I had to see something like that from LaSalle's in order to be like, all right,
20:09my walls are down now, time to do what I think is best for me, and now I feel free.
20:14Now that you're gone, this is over, and you're gone.
20:27Love might get lost, but then it's found again.
20:32That's why I'm holding on, cause I've got you, baby.
20:40Oh, it's so cold in here.
20:41Hey.
20:42Hey.
20:42Hey, what's up, everyone?
20:45Not much, just talking about our problems and like, problems again.
20:55Wrote a song yesterday for the Ashleys.
20:58I think it's going to open up the floodgates.
21:02It's the floodgates.
21:04There you go, my boy.
21:05Taylor, we're going to play the guitar.
21:07Oh my God.
21:08I'm finding new things out.
21:14Baby, baby, baby, baby, won't you come my way?
21:20Tomorrow's not promised today.
21:23It hurts me to see you in pain.
21:27But baby, is he worth the wait?
21:31Let's play your greatest game.
21:35Take you to a better place.
21:38Let me, let me, let me lead the way.
21:43So baby, won't you come my way?
21:48Oh my God.
21:49Hey.
21:50I didn't think you could get more attractive.
21:54That is so wrong.
21:55Oh my goodness.
21:56Oh my God.
21:57That is so beautiful.
22:06I've never had anyone write a song for me, so I was a little bit scared, honestly.
22:10I was like, oh my God, am I going to feel secondhand embarrassment?
22:13Is this going to be absolutely horrible?
22:15It wasn't.
22:16Oh my God.
22:36Lacelle, is you going to come to LA and train me in Trace?
22:38You're going to train me, all right.
22:40Get her, get her, get her.
22:42Yeah.
22:43Oh, my God.
22:45Oh!
22:47Sorry.
22:48I realize, like, sexual temptation
22:51is a big part of it or whatever, but I'm not really here
22:53to, like, take advantage of an opportunity to around.
22:56Yeah.
22:56I literally have done that.
22:58I know.
22:59My entire sexual life.
23:00So as I'm developing this relationship with Karina,
23:04emotional and intellectual,
23:05I'm also feeling absolutely attracted to her.
23:08Yeah, it's so frustrating.
23:10I mean, you're all beautiful and attractive,
23:13and, like, if I wasn't so in love,
23:15I probably would totally bone you.
23:18You know what I mean?
23:19Yay.
23:20And so it's difficult,
23:22because seeing what I'm seeing at the bonfires,
23:25I'm tempted to retaliate, you know?
23:27But I've told myself I will not react and retaliate,
23:30but just act with intention.
23:37You're naughty, naughty.
23:40.
23:42Douche.
23:43Or what's it? Deek.
23:44Okay, yeah, you, yeah.
23:46But Deek is a test to, like, see my feelings of jealousy
23:52and then be able to pull back
23:55and then just say, whatever,
23:57that's happening for its own self
23:58and not take it personally.
24:00And then...
24:00If they make out, will you get back together with her?
24:04It's hard to say.
24:05Okay.
24:07I feel like you deserve better than that.
24:09I do.
24:14Oh, shit.
24:17Storms are brewing.
24:26I feel like everything was super chaotic after, like, seeing that one clip.
24:31You know, being told to off by my boyfriend of three years.
24:34Yeah, that's a lot.
24:36But what about you?
24:37How do you feel?
24:40It's just weird.
24:42I just emotionally don't know where I'm at with this.
24:47You do have a boyfriend or did have a boyfriend
24:49and then, like, jumping right into something else.
24:52I feel like Tommy and I definitely have chemistry,
24:55but he seems a little less interested,
24:58which is totally fine by me.
24:59It's just, if I'm gonna go out there and risk my relationship
25:03and be interested in somebody else, I need that back in return.
25:06I think, for me, it's scary to even go as far as we have
25:10if there's, like, no chance that, like, anything will ever come of this.
25:14I care for you and I don't want to hurt you.
25:17You know?
25:17You have to trust that I can take care of myself.
25:20I know you can.
25:21You're not gonna ruin me.
25:22Maybe I'll shed a few tears, but, like...
25:25Yeah.
25:25Like, I think it's worth giving it a shot.
25:27Okay, but, like, at the end of this, like, if it doesn't work out,
25:29I don't want you to be, like, he only used me
25:31because he liked kissing me and wanted to be in my bed,
25:33and, like, that's not where I'm at.
25:35Like, and I know you know...
25:36That's funny.
25:37Ah!
25:37Ah!
25:39Ah!
25:40I know!
25:41I hear you!
25:42Like, I get it!
25:43I'm starting to realize that I'm not where I need to be emotionally.
25:46There is no pressure and there's no...
25:49I don't know what's happening tomorrow.
25:51It's just if we enjoy spending time with each other,
25:53we enjoy spending time with each other, and that's how it is.
25:55Just shut up!
25:57Literally, shut the f*** up!
26:04Okay.
26:09Go jump in the ocean.
26:11You need to cool it off.
26:14Every time, you know, we go on these dates and everything,
26:17I get to know more about you, you know?
26:19We get more comfortable with each other, holding you in my arms,
26:21you know?
26:22That's just...
26:22It's those little things.
26:23It just makes me happy.
26:25Like, I don't want to have, like, what ifs.
26:26Like, what if I didn't do that?
26:28Or what if I didn't do this with Blake?
26:31And I feel like you are supposed to be, like, in my life for a reason.
26:35You do mean a lot to me, actually.
26:37Like, you mean a lot.
26:40You're a very special person.
26:42You do mean that.
26:46I want to kiss you right now, but I feel like it'll be a little sooner.
26:49You can kiss me.
26:50Oh, you mean that?
26:53Yeah.
27:01Feels good.
27:02Feels right.
27:04I'm blushing on the inside.
27:07Lips were soft.
27:08Now we're actually making the physical connection.
27:12Haven't felt like this for a girl in a long time.
27:15Kissing Blake feels magical.
27:17It was the kiss that both of us have been waiting for.
27:21I feel like I was holding back because I thought about LaSalle's
27:25and what he would think.
27:26But I'm over that, and I'm just, like, tired of being sad.
27:29I'm ready to go after what I want.
27:31You got me going, ooh-ooh-ooh.
27:36If I belong to you.
27:43Hey, yo, I'm ready.
27:44Let's keep this thing going.
27:47Hello, boys.
27:48Are y'all ready to party?
27:49Oh, hot damn.
27:51The parade.
27:53Man, it's the lingerie party, and the ladies are looking mighty fine.
28:01But what I'm most freaking out about is what I'm wearing under my swim trunks,
28:07which is a straight-up banana hammock.
28:11And, you know?
28:15Marissa looks just stunning.
28:19I can't help but not take my eyes off of Marissa.
28:22Should I have taken this off?
28:24Eventually.
28:24All right, we need five people.
28:26Bring it on.
28:27Bring it on.
28:28Bring it on.
28:28Yeah, right here.
28:32All right.
28:32Cue the music.
28:41My balls are out.
28:43The ladies are on the prowl, so look out.
28:48I hope you guys are up at the other house, because if you aren't, you should.
28:52Traces up!
28:55They're ours now.
28:57Respectfully.
29:04I ain't gonna lie, it's very sexual in here.
29:07A lot of hip rolling, a little bit of thrusting, and a lot of loving.
29:11Hey!
29:15I unfortunately danced on Hania's lap.
29:18I'm really sorry.
29:19Unfortunately? Excuse me?
29:19I hope that everybody really enjoyed that.
29:22Hania definitely did.
29:23I'm into it.
29:24What can I say?
29:32This is, I think, the first time that we do fully express the physical connection that we have with each
29:39other.
29:53Oh my God!
29:55He wasn't just giving me a lap dance, he was giving me a lap dance and looking into, like, not
30:01just my eyes, but like my soul.
30:05Yay!
30:08I love that.
30:14Oh, my God!
30:16Oh, my God!
30:16Who dance?
30:16Get ready!
30:18On your mark!
30:19Come on!
30:20Oh, my God!
30:25Oh!
30:26Oh, my God!
30:27Oh!
30:30Oh, my God!
30:31Yeah!
30:31Oh, my God!
30:33Oh, my God!
30:33Absolute rager tonight.
30:35Banger!
30:36Banger of all bangers.
30:41let's go first party with everybody together where people don't absolutely hate him yes so
30:47that should be fun yeah it should be fun
30:54i'm in love whoa not saying that i'm in like with the possibility you know of extra like
31:06oh that's super like
31:07oh that's super like iris iris iris
31:13i did
31:14i'm good i'm good
31:16fine fine
31:30you gotta jump down for that girl
31:48iris is looking good she's looking like a little snack her boyfriend splits bills at fast food
31:53restaurants what kind of bullshit is that oh my god i'm really excited that deke is here
32:00because i'm the only one here not coupled up and i feel like deke is someone who i would love
32:06to take
32:06on a date
32:16you know you and tommy like a little
32:20fire club is about to be so bad anything's gonna happen tonight just probably some kissing okay
32:31like you know how i feel i've told you a thousand times i can't tell you a single time more
32:39so you're gonna come to bed or what
32:48i'm glad that we finally got through whatever weird stuff was going on and now we're just
32:54you know enjoying each other's company
33:05kissing her is amazing once i get out of my head and that's what i'm trying to work on right
33:10now is
33:11just be in the moment and just enjoy every little second that i have here
33:15with jillian while i have it
33:30all right there's just a lot of booties i know booties are you doing it now go twerk me no
33:44i definitely have a really good connection building with paige she's hot and she's just
33:50a bottle rocket ready to pop and the same thing with megan
34:01i got some shit to say i know y'all seen edgar and marissa i mean obviously like they're just
34:09so into each other
34:12i'm not gonna walk around here looking like a fool so she's dead i'm over it i'm not doing it
34:19because would you no okay never okay i'm not doing it i'm not doing it i'm with you sus
34:30can you put pants on i don't like everybody seeing my shit go put some shorts on when hany's hair
34:38is wet
34:40he looks like thor who and karina i bet you it thinks the same thing
34:50are you trying to kiss me no i'm just
34:54why don't my emotions like that really you know it's difficult for me to to resist this temptation
35:03because she's sort of miming all this kissing stuff and i definitely am feeling like i want to kiss her
35:10back
35:10i don't know i mean i can't deny that i kind of want you to kiss me
35:17okay hearing hanya say he wished that i kissed him it feels nice because i like feeling that like i'm
35:24wanted
35:25but he obviously trusts me a lot so like breaking that i don't want him to like resent me or
35:31like it become a different relationship
35:35so maybe you should kiss me
35:38um
35:41well thanks for telling me
35:44yeah you know just gotta come clean about that
35:48no one is in this house no nobody is
35:52y'all getting a little close now
35:54so
35:56you're a lady
35:57yes
35:57and i will treat you as a queen
35:59yes
36:01this whole time
36:02up until the lingerie party i've just kind of held back and like
36:06you know just been very shy
36:08and not ready
36:10to take things to the next level but
36:13it let's do this like
36:15what am i what am i winning back for
36:19sleepover
36:21i don't have any more doubts
36:23i don't think marissa has any doubts
36:25either at this point
36:27i don't know
36:28i don't know
36:31so welcome to my bed
36:40our first kiss is sexy
36:43marissa's passionate
36:44and i loved it
36:52and there's nothing to hold us back right now
36:55and there's nothing to hold us back right now
36:55i've never been so high
36:58make this nice forever
37:01forever
37:02and i'll just be sure
37:07and i'll see you next time
37:09just be context
37:11oh
37:11oh
37:12oh
37:13oh
37:14oh
37:14oh
37:14oh
37:15oh
37:24I know, I know, I'm so dumb
37:27You have to be here for your love
37:30Lay here with me
37:32Lay here with me
37:40I have so much fun
37:41I'll be like treating like a princess
37:46Last night, Marissa and I got really intimate
37:49And it all happened super fast
37:51And I don't think originally either of us were expecting to do that
37:56And I think we're both maybe now on the same page
37:59In terms of how strongly we feel about each other
38:07I think me and Edgar, we're in a really good place right now
38:13So yeah
38:13It's been going good
38:15I'm happy
38:18A little of being a loka bitch
38:21I got you all to myself
38:24All to myself
38:26All to myself
38:33How you feeling?
38:35Fine
38:35Just fine?
38:37I feel like after I see whatever I'm going to see
38:40Probably will be a little less fine
38:42Today is our video message
38:44I hope that Edgar's message is not too painful or angry
38:50I hope that he can explain some ways he's grown
38:53I don't know whether he's going to be angry
38:58Like how could you do this to me
39:00Like that sort of thing
39:01Because your video is very nice
39:03And like thoughtful
39:05I have no like bad blood towards him
39:08Like I feel like I would have been the same way
39:11Like if he had sex with a girl in the house
39:13I'd say
39:13I feel like I would have been
39:15Relatively forgiving
39:17Really?
39:19I probably
39:19I mean
39:23Yeah
39:23Like I would have been hurt
39:25But like
39:26I wouldn't hate him
39:31So we shall see
39:35I know where I'm going
39:38Where I'll be
39:41And it's plain to see
39:45I'm on a whole nother level
39:46You do not fit in my schedule
39:49I don't look back
39:51You live in the past
39:52I'm moving so fast and you crash
39:54Today is video message day
39:56And I feel angry with her
40:00From the previous bonfires
40:02I just feel like that hope was just taken
40:05And just thrown against the wall
40:06There really aren't any words that she can tell me
40:08To change the way I feel right now
40:10She really let me down
40:16Hi E
40:17I miss you
40:19I'm so grateful for our love
40:21And all the wonderful ways you've added to my life
40:24I can never thank you enough
40:25For all the things you've taught me
40:27I love who you are so much
40:30You deserve the world and more
40:32I can't wait to see all the amazing things you do next in life
40:35And I will be here to support you every step of the way
40:38For the rest of our lives
40:40Love you
40:44I don't feel like Jillian is being honest with me
40:47I just don't believe any of it
40:48And I hate the fact that I feel this way
40:51Regardless of our romantic relationship
40:53We were still friends
40:54And we were best friends
40:56And I don't know how to feel about anything that she says
41:01I love the woman
41:02But
41:04It hurts
41:06And as much as it hurts
41:09To see Jillian and to think of her
41:11I am really strengthening my connection with Marissa
41:15And
41:17I mean I think that just makes me feel so much stronger about this situation
41:21It makes me feel more confident within myself
41:35I am not sure what to expect
41:38And I'm honestly really scared
41:40I think if I were to hear from Edgar
41:43How disappointed he is in me
41:44I would definitely have a very hard time proceeding with Tommy
41:48So if Edgar's message is hard on me
41:51I don't know if I'll be able to follow my heart anymore
41:56Hey G
41:58It's E
42:03I don't really have a lot to say right now
42:08But um
42:10Thank you for bringing me on this journey with you
42:16And
42:17I hope you find what you're looking for
42:23After watching the video that he sent me
42:25I definitely think Edgar has a bit of anger still
42:29I could see that in his eyes
42:30I think Edgar's angry that I'm entertaining things with another person
42:35Because I think if he had it his way we would still leave together
42:48I'm pretty nervous
42:49I'm not sure if Ashley's gonna send me a message or not
42:53But I hope it's coming from a lot of love
42:54And I'm just curious to see what she has to say
43:02Hey Lascelles
43:03I finally see the light
43:05I see the answers unfolding right in front of my eyes
43:09I deserve so much better than what I was given
43:13I met someone here that shows me what it's like to feel appreciated
43:17Loved and respected to the fullest
43:21I am no longer bottling up my emotions and hiding from the truth
43:25I love the woman that I'm becoming
43:28And I'm so excited to share the new and improved Ashley to the world
43:33Whether it's with you or not
43:42I'm feeling a lot of things right now
43:44I'm a bit emotional because I know that
43:46In Ash's eyes I've failed her in the past
43:49Even though I know I did everything I could
43:51But also I feel happy knowing that she's building that confidence
43:55And working on independence
43:56And that's something that resonates with me truly
44:00I still want to develop my relationship with Trace
44:02But it's a tough truth to swallow
44:04Knowing that this could lead to the end of our relationship
44:14Waking up and getting ready to view this video message
44:17Feels like oh shit it's about to be real
44:20I really hope LaSalle tells me that he's willing to change for our relationship
44:25But we will see
44:32Hey Ashley
44:33Initially we came here to look for our independence and our own identity
44:37Throughout this journey I've begun to do just that
44:40I hope your journey has been parallel to mine
44:43Here I'm allowing myself to rediscover that I'm an actual human being with value
44:47Outside of the obligations I have as a partner
44:50I'm really looking forward to seeing you
44:52And having a conversation about where we stand
44:53I love you dearly
44:58Hearing LaSalle say I love you
45:01It definitely made me question
45:02Did he really love me this whole time?
45:05Wrong about you
45:08Never think that you do me like that
45:10Like what the is wrong with him?
45:13Honestly like if he did love me
45:15Then the bonfire clips wouldn't be exactly what I saw
45:19I guess I was wrong
45:42Getting a video message means so much to me
45:45I haven't had a chance to really hear from Iris directly
45:48Besides bonfires
45:49But that's just me being a fly on the wall
45:52And in this instance I'm able to really get a grasp
45:55On how she's feeling in her process
45:57And what she's looking for out of me
46:02Hi Lukey
46:02I've experienced a lot of growth during this journey
46:05And I hope you have too
46:07My main focus here has been really learning to love myself
46:10And I never took the time to do that before
46:13Which wasn't good for us
46:15I want to see more accountability on your end
46:17For constantly breaking my trust
46:19You saying that I always bring up the past
46:22And don't let us move forward with the future
46:24Makes me feel like my feelings are not valid
46:27Imagine always forgiving someone
46:29For constantly breaking your trust
46:31And not knowing if they'll ever change
46:33The last time I caught you was a few months ago
46:36Which is recent
46:37Please think about that
46:39I hope you get all the growth you need
46:41Out of this journey just like I will
46:43I love you
46:53I have broken Iris' trust in the past
46:56And I've been a crappy boyfriend
46:57So Iris has every right to be upset
47:00That I've texted and flirted with other girls
47:02Behind her back
47:03But I'm at a place where
47:04I no longer want to act like that
47:06Ever again
47:08I feel more inspired than ever
47:10To keep feeling
47:11Keep being emotional
47:13Because I still have work to do
47:14To be the man that she deserves
47:29I'm hoping that Luke sends me a video message
47:31Where he's taking some accountability
47:34If Luke doesn't realize what he needs to work on
47:37Then I just may have to leave alone
47:43Hey Iris, I miss you so much
47:45When I first got here
47:46I was worried about making physical connections
47:48But I'm realizing it's emotional connections
47:51I need to work on
47:52And I'm doing that
47:53I see now I wasn't the best partner
47:55In our relationship
47:56And I've learned now
47:58Who I want to be
47:59In either this relationship
48:00Or the next
48:01I'm so excited of all the progress
48:03I've been making
48:04And I hope you're growing
48:05Just as much as I am
48:06I love you so much
48:08And I'll see you soon
48:15In the video that Luke sent me
48:17He said that he misses me so much
48:19So that was good to hear
48:21He also said that he realizes
48:23He hasn't been the best partner to me
48:24It sounds like he's taking some accountability
48:28I felt like
48:29Maybe this whole time
48:30He was blaming me
48:32And
48:32It appears that he's realized
48:35That he has things to work on
48:37In relationships
48:38I just
48:39I'm not sure if that'll be with me
48:41Or not quite yet
48:48It's gotten really, really hard for me
48:50To care
48:53If I do receive
48:55A video message
48:56I would want to feel
48:57Realness
48:58Authenticity
48:59Rawness
49:00It's chaos
49:01Something
49:02Actual affection for me
49:04Feelings like he does actually miss me
49:10Got some anxiety with it
49:17Ash
49:19I have learned so much
49:20I trust you have too
49:22I see you connecting
49:24And I'm so proud of you
49:27I have come to realize
49:28That as I pushed you
49:29To follow your heart
49:30I ignored my own
49:33I didn't listen
49:34I was living in fear
49:36Instead of in love
49:38Know that I hear you
49:40See you
49:41And I'm no longer afraid
49:44I know who I am
49:45And what I want
49:47I love you
49:48And I can't wait to see you
49:56Hanya has no idea
49:58How to not make everything
50:00Some theatrical piece of shit
50:02He'd deliver a monologue
50:04From like a Shakespeare play
50:06I really don't feel
50:08Any emotion behind it
50:09Why does everything sound so rehearsed
50:12When he speaks
50:15I like I am
50:16Seriously beginning to doubt
50:18He can be authentic
50:20And like connect emotions
50:21With his brain
50:25I think the thing
50:26That hurts the most
50:27About this clip
50:27Is no one has pushed me
50:29To follow my dreams
50:30My entire life
50:32Pushed you to follow your heart
50:34And didn't follow mine
50:36Shut up
50:37You followed everything
50:38You felt like
50:39From your heart downtown
50:40To a piece of acid
50:47I don't feel like
50:49He's actually grown
50:50I can't wait to see you
50:52Like what have you been seeing
50:53Of me that would
50:55I would be terrified
50:57To meet me again
51:02And it's gonna be
51:03Really really hard
51:05To not harbor this
51:08Rage that I'm feeling
51:09Every single time he talks
51:24This whole time
51:25I've been dying to hear
51:27What she has to say
51:28And just remind me
51:30That she loves me
51:33And to hear
51:35That she has been learning
51:47I was really
51:49Really desperately hoping
51:51To get a video message
51:52From Ash today
51:53But I think that
51:54I'm getting a message
51:55Despite there being
51:57No video
52:01I think my head right now
52:02Is all over the place
52:03This process has really
52:05Shown me
52:06Just how much
52:07I do love her
52:09How much I did love her
52:11And didn't know it
52:12I haven't felt
52:13As far away from her
52:14As I do now
52:15And all I know
52:16Is what I feel
52:17In my heart of hearts
52:19That I've never loved her more
52:20Now you're so hollow
52:30I'm absolutely terrified
52:32That I have lost
52:33The greatest love of my life
52:36Live it to yourself
52:38That I've never loved her
52:40I've never loved her
52:40I've never loved her
52:40I've never loved her
52:40I've never loved her
52:40I've never loved her
52:41I've never loved her
52:41I've never loved her
52:41I've never loved her
52:42I've never loved her
52:42I've never loved her
52:42I've never loved her
52:42I've never loved her
52:43I've never loved her
52:43I've never loved her
52:43I've never loved her
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