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The King Of Queens S03E15 Ctrl Episode 15 Engsub
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00:04yellow oh hey Arthur it's me Doug what can I do you for actually I was just
00:09calling to check the messages off of the machine so just hang up and I'll call
00:12right back gotcha
00:23yellow Arthur didn't I just ask you not to pick up no you said I should hang up
00:28and you'd call right back okay what I meant was I wanted the machine to get it
00:33not you I'm trying to check my messages you want me to just check them for you
00:37no no thank you no last time you did that you erased all the messages and our
00:41outgoing messages and unplugged the lamp just let it ring okay that's your world
00:48I just live in it
00:56yellow Arthur what did I just say I'm sorry it's habit well do me a favor break the habit
01:02okay I'm running out of freaking change here hi
01:15yellow Arthur what is this some kind of sick little joke I'm sorry I've been
01:19answering the phone my whole life you're asking me to undo 75 years of
01:24instinct in a moment that is not easy just don't pick up fine I'm going
01:30downstairs to lie down well thank you
01:41yeah hello
01:42Arthur oh god what the hell is going on in your head that you keep doing this I need to
01:48understand
01:49my eyes are getting weary my back is getting tight I'm sitting here in traffic on the
01:58queensberg bridge tonight but I don't care cause all I want to do
02:05is catch my check and drive right home to you
02:11cause baby all my life I will be driving home to you
02:32baby you ready
02:36let's hit it cowboy boots that's right ma'am
02:41so what you're gonna go rope yourself a meatball sandwich
02:44I like them plus they were on sale at Tom McCann
02:47honey just because something is on sale doesn't mean you have to buy it we discussed this when you
02:52came home with the microscope now go ahead go change fine I'll change but not because of you
02:58only because they hurt like hell
03:06hello hey it's me oh hey Kel we're just about out the door what's up I'm glad I caught you
03:10we're gonna have to cancel on you tonight oh why deacon has to work late again oh that's crappy
03:16well how about we do something tomorrow what about uh brunch over here I'll see you then okay
03:20bye bye all right got my sneakers on spotlight's back on you now happy
03:28Kelly just called and canceled deacon has to work late tonight really
03:34so you want to just do takeout all right how about Italian hey how about we do Chinese you
03:39want to try that new place tongue shing house you had me at tongue
03:50hi how you doing now my wife called in an order and what is your last name
03:57hello sir I'm sorry you just you threw me with the British thing there I grew up in Hong Kong
04:04I
04:04apologize if not ethnic enough for you would you like me to chink it up a little
04:07check I told she teach I told it's still father I'd love to wait the guy the name's ever and
04:16it's
04:16right there I'm 1850 okay we'll be ready in a moment all right thanks
04:43hey man hey hey what's uh going on there chiefie nothing much just uh just having some dinner dinner
04:52big fan no no secret there though huh right right so I thought you were so who's your friend here
04:59um Doug this is Angie hi hi how you doing nice to meet you and deacon's told me a lot
05:06about you
05:06has he cuz uh he hasn't told me that much about what oh gosh I guess my order's ready okay
05:13uh I guess I
05:14see you tomorrow I will see you whenever or not either way it was okay coming okay I gotta go
05:20all
05:20right I know this looks a little weird no no no you're just pretending to work late to meet with
05:30your lovely vacation planner because you're gonna surprise Kelly with a trip to Oahu no
05:34Puerto Rico no Amish country give me Amish country no man no then what it's what it looks like all
05:42right
05:42I can't believe this man hey American GI you're a number one good time order ready
05:48it's enough of that okay I get it look I should get back just be cool about this and I
05:54promise we'll
05:55talk tomorrow okay we'll talk tomorrow you call this a family restaurant so I looked her square in
06:09the eyes and said ma'am you are undoubtedly the most fetching woman in all of Shreveport and what did
06:17she say my good sir I do believe you're giving me the famous nice then what happened I knocked the
06:26barbecue out of her hand bent her over the porch railing and said I'll give you more than vapors
06:31you're not charming story gone very wrong what's going on with you two over there I'm fine you haven't
06:45anything yeah you know what I'm really not I'm not hungry what I'm not hungry that allowed it's
06:55allowed just never heard you say it what's your story oh nothing just it's tired well if you can
07:03tell your boss maybe one time that you can't work late it doesn't work that way well why is it
07:09always
07:09you that has to stay how should I know well I'd say it's pretty damn clear why you got some
07:14crap work
07:14give it to the color guy there's nothing going on at work now drop it sure why not drop it
07:22by the
07:22way how's the weather in the town of young white mailville for God's sakes everyone has to work late I
07:29work late all the time no you don't sure I do when actually I have to work late this coming
07:38Thursday now
07:39can we please in the sweet name of all that is holy talk about something else Arthur you were saying
07:43a
07:43story you had her bent over the railing then what happened no no wait a second I thought you had
07:49next tickets for Thursday I do I guess I just won't be able to use them can I have them
07:54yes you may
07:58get rid of me oh crap honey would you do me a favor and grab me a sponge uh yeah
08:04uh you know what
08:04Deke why don't you give me a hand in case the sponge is a pie you got it
08:13all right you said you talked to me today so talk to me what's up what's going on Angie's an
08:17old
08:17friend from high school I hadn't seen her since but then she emailed me a couple of months ago you
08:21know how you doing what's going on I emailed her back and things kind of took off from there what
08:28did you go and email her back for plenty of other things to do on the internet you're gambling you're
08:33born all the other stuff it's just that Angie and I really connect you know we can talk with Kelly
08:47lately she's got her things going on I got my things and more and more just seems like our
08:52things are different but just put your things that are different together they did it with the Reese's
08:55peanut butter cup and it was a huge success Douglas quick question what is it Arthur can I grab those
09:01Nick tickets from you now you know I'll give them to you later what if I don't see you later
09:05live in
09:07our basement I will see you give me a time three a.m. or p.m. if it's a.m.
09:15I need to move some things
09:16around will you just leave us alone fine why didn't you tell me I haven't told anyone I'm not exactly
09:25proud of it Doug honey I think you misunderstood I meant the indoor sponge not the outdoor sponge
09:32I was uh just talking to Deke about my uh uh Roy Orbison collectible plate yeah yeah Doug was saying
09:39how it may or may not increase in value I hope it increases all right well my ears are about
09:47to
09:47snap off I'm gonna head back inside honey you're getting a snotsicle we better get back in there
09:56look I hate to put you in this position man but please just be cool for a little while longer
10:01okay all right look I got ranger tickets for next month don't blow that for me
10:16all right you guys thanks again it was great hey let's do a movie this week yeah I'll call you
10:21all right all right okay good people nice people solid people Doug honey do I strike you as stupid
10:31and or unaware nope you are sharp as against you pretty girl so then what's going on not a thing
10:42are you enjoying that issue of Marie Claire yes I am by the way I know you're staring at me
10:49and it
10:49doesn't bother me a bit stare all you want there's nothing going on in fact what's going on with you
10:59yeah maybe there's something going on with you maybe I should stare right back at you how would
11:02that feel huh eyes off all right so let me think about this you've been acting strange ever since you
11:18came home from the restaurant last night did something happened there maybe but I'm not at
11:26liberty to discuss it did what happened involved Deacon because you guys have been acting very weird this
11:32morning perhaps but once again not Liberty just got those knick tickets so I know you're not really
11:41working late was Deacon really working late last night or were you like covering for him okay do you
11:48understand the concept of not at Liberty if you called Liberty right now I wouldn't be there when you
11:56picked up the food last night did you did you see Deacon there with another woman yes but that's all
12:03you're
12:04getting out of me oh my god he's having an affair you did not hear that from me okay if
12:11it ever comes
12:11up you heard it from a British Chinese guy Kelly is gonna be so devastated oh you're not planning on
12:20telling Kelly Doug the man is running around behind her back she has a right to know she's my best
12:26friend
12:26well he's my best friend that I already promised I wouldn't say anything I can't look her in the eyes
12:31and
12:31not tell her so don't look at her eyes look at her breasts that's what I do Doug listen to
12:37me hon I
12:38know this is tough on you but it's tough on me too I'm sorry if Deacon doesn't tell Kelly I'm
12:43gonna
12:43have to there you are look we uh we need to talk yeah I kind of need to talk to
12:49you too I'm sorry man
12:50I couldn't even sleep last night I don't know man I just feel like I really hey Bergen why don't
12:57you
12:57go take that dog for a walk huh yeah bye bye please all right go ahead look I just feel
13:04like I screwed up
13:04so bad man and now I'm dragging you into this and hey I'm gonna pay you for those Nick tickets
13:08all
13:08right you shut up come on you think I care about those huh they were a gift from Carrie's boss
13:12right
13:13sorry although they're worth like 160 bucks if you want to toss me something that's your call
13:16whatever I gotta tell you I did a lot of thinking last night and
13:29and what I'm definitely gonna break things off with Angie excellent idea that's it man you break
13:34things off with Angie you tell Kelly and everything's back to ham and eggs tell Kelly oh no no no
13:40no way
13:40man why not I think you're gonna be surprised she has very kind eyes yo she's hit me with a
13:45frying pan it ain't liking cartoons man that sucker hurts you know let me come at this from a slightly
13:51different angle Carrie knows and if you don't tell Kelly she will you don't carry I can't believe
13:57you man I didn't tell her she got it out of me how Doug she stared at me you know
14:03you just couldn't
14:04keep your mouth shut could you know what you are you're a yenta I'm not a yenta yes you are
14:08yenta yes yes why you giving me crap you're the one who's sleeping around with someone else who's not
14:11your wife what are you talking about I never slept with Angie what I never slept with her I mean
14:18I'm
14:18not sure what would have happened but so far all we've done is meet for dinner you know talk guy
14:23am
14:24I crazy or is that not the kind of information you lead with I guess what I figured what I
14:28was doing
14:28was still kind of cheating no it's not your big dumb ox it's not that bad at all now you
14:35tell Kelly
14:35i'll tell carrie we can get on with our lives there we just cheated more than you ever did
14:44carrie in here great news my little chicky turns out deke is not cheating with that woman
14:51what what do you mean just what i said he's not cheating he's had as much sex with her as
14:55i've
14:55had with your dad that's none but you saw them in the restaurant together i mean if they weren't
15:02having an affair what was going on well they just meet for dinner they eat they talk they connect
15:06and does kelly know no then he's still cheating no he's not yes he is doug the man is lying
15:14to his
15:14wife sneaking around with another woman sharing intimate feelings that is cheating no it isn't
15:20yes it is no you gotta be naked to cheat wrong so you're telling me if i met a woman
15:26and we went
15:27out for a dinner or two and then say i forgot to tell you about it right i would be
15:31cheating yes
15:32really and that would be just as bad as if i actually slept with her yes good to know
15:40that's great that's really great doug make your stupid little jokes but i gotta tell you
15:45i am stunned that on something as important as the meaning of marriage and commitment
15:51that we would be so far apart yeah well we are my friend you're way over there and i'm way
15:56over here
15:56i do oh shut up i'll get it what do you want for dinner i don't care
16:09deke what's going on man i told kelly and you know what you were wrong it is as bad as
16:12cheating
16:12i know i'm in the middle of the same argument she threw you out yeah with no shoes yeah and
16:20as hard
16:21as it is to get a cab as a black man imagine trying to get one as a black man
16:24with no shoes
16:28hey carrie what does he want easy okay he's been tossed out shoeless i have nothing to say to him
16:36or you or anybody else on this whole sickening subject excuse me
16:44sit down man you sure it's okay no it is not okay
16:50hey you know what i just figured out what i want for dinner a nice hot bowl of shut it
16:54stew
17:02does he know that he has a baby huh you know what i'm sorry i've had shut it stew before
17:07and it sure as diddly didn't taste like that
17:13hey man maybe you better stay in a motel tonight yeah look kelly kicked me out without my wallet can
17:17you lend me a few bucks oh yeah no problem do not give him money why not because it's half
17:24mine and
17:25i don't want you to well fine then i'll just give him twice as much for my half
17:33and you know what i'll drive him to the motel myself and my half in a car come on
17:40fine and while you're gone i'm gonna bake you a nice warm flaky my leg and your ass up to
17:45my knee
17:46pie for dessert that was such a reach
17:58what is the huge ruckus here it's all a man can do to take a simple four-hour nap
18:03i'm sorry dad it's it it's doug he's just got me so
18:08what happened okay okay let me ask you a question if someone is married and then sneaks around and has
18:17dinner with another person even though they are not sleeping with that other person would you say that
18:22that was wrong look darling i know douglas isn't the most physically attractive man in the world but
18:29i beg you not to jump ship just yet now i have a book downstairs of special positions for the
18:37overweight
18:37that i think
18:40i think it could be a big help i am not talking about me i am talking about a friend
18:47and uh is that friend you
18:53no it's not it's kelly and are you kelly you don't have to give kelly air quotes you know her
19:05oh my god how dare she cheat on that boy while he's out working late to pay for her fancy
19:10creams
19:10and powders she's not doing anything he is oh and then doug covers for him and like that's not bad
19:20enough he comes home tonight all lit up and happy because as it turns out deacon hasn't slept with this
19:25skankola yet like we should all give him some fat freaking award for that i told doug he was wrong
19:31and
19:31i'm just i'm so mad at him you're not mad at him uh trust me i am no no honey
19:39you see
19:40you and doug look to deacon and kelly as an example of a perfect couple now that their supposedly solid
19:47marriage is in trouble you start to wonder who's to say yours isn't next you're not angry cookie you're
19:58scared wow dad that was a remarkably lucid thing to say i'm coming right out of a nap
20:11so
21:13Yeah, I'm home.
21:56You've reached the Heffernens. We're not here to take your call, so leave a message.
22:01Arthur, are you there? Arthur, I just left the house two seconds ago when you were there. Pick up.
22:07Oh, no. I'm not falling for your games, big boy.
22:10Arthur, come on, pick up. I think I left the oven on and the pilot light is broken.
22:16No sale.
22:18Arthur! Arthur, come on, man. I know you're there. Pick up the damn phone!
22:23Pick up the phone, old man!
22:42I know you're there. Pick up the phone, old man!
22:55I know you're there. Pick up the phone, old man!
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