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The King Of Queens S03E14 Ctrl Episode 14 Engsub
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00:04a paintball party you say it like you've never heard those two words together all right so let
00:09me get this straight we drive a hundred miles up into the Catskills in order to run around in the
00:14muck and shoot balls of paint at each other yes it's Deacon's birthday you don't think maybe the
00:23guy should get to choose what he wants to do on his own birthday honey you really want to do
00:27this
00:28I don't care yes he does fine can't afford to paint the house but we can cram it into guns
00:34and shoot it at each other what are you running from okay can we order now I'm starving I come
00:42knowing what I want
01:08burger looks good
01:29how's that that's good
01:31my eyes are getting weary my back is getting tight I'm sitting here in traffic on the
01:40Queensborough Bridge tonight but I don't care cause all I want to do
01:47is cash my check and drive right home to you
01:53cause maybe all my life I will be driving home to you
02:13you like what the girls do during the day wait till you see them at night
02:17stay tuned for more college girls crazy in Rio
02:22200 channels and nothing on
02:25it's okay Doug you can watch your college sluts in Rio
02:30not my college sluts
02:32and just so you know next time we're out and you see a girl you think is hot you can
02:37look
02:37I can yes just don't be a jerk when you do it like that thing you do with your eyes
02:42it's so creepy
02:43doesn't that hurt a little but I push through
02:46come on you know what I'm saying I mean just because we're married doesn't mean we're not going to be
02:50attracted to other people once in a while
02:53you know it's okay
02:54I mean I would be worried if you weren't like Jamie my nail girl you think she's hot right no
03:00Doug yes you see it's okay you could just tell me you don't have to lurk outside the salon window
03:07when you come to pick me up
03:11she's purty
03:13yes she is so come on anybody else you can tell me
03:18all right well I guess it's Maggie at the dry cleaners
03:23oh and this toll taker on the white stone bridge I mean from the waist up she's
03:27the rest of her that's anybody's guess
03:30that's why you didn't get easy pass
03:34so who revs old carry-up huh
03:37all right um well I ain't hating that kid Pedro at the car wash
03:42whoa what the young buff and illegal good choice good choice
03:47so who else come on I want to want to know what kind of nympho I'm dealing with here
03:51okay um well the sparklets guy
03:54okay Eric at the office
03:57deacon
04:00oh and that guy who power walks his greyhound in the morning
04:05I'm pretty sure he's gay though you don't have to worry about it I mean those little shorts right
04:09right
04:10it's a deacon huh
04:12yeah deacon among others
04:14but among others
04:16deacon
04:19yep so my lady's got a thing for deacon
04:21want some deacon and eggs
04:24I don't have a thing for him and it's no more of a big deal than the ones you said
04:29not a big deal just a fun fact you know like a like a fruit fly lives for a day
04:34and my wife's hot for my best friend
04:37would've thunk it
04:38I don't know
04:42and we are back
04:43New York down to
04:48what
04:49nothing I just
04:50just noticed that your ear is a little
04:53small for your head
04:54a little bit just a little bit
04:58I'll tell you Doug this is great hanging like this
05:00yeah glad you could make it guy
05:02I mean before my pizza place went out of business I wouldn't have time for this stuff
05:05too busy making a living
05:09everything works out for a reason
05:10I'll tell you I am really looking forward to this paintball party
05:13I could use a little relaxation
05:19you spot me right up there
05:21what happened to your car
05:23ah I sold it to buy a karaoke machine to pump up business
05:26a little late on that fad
05:31I can take eight in my minivan
05:33who's going
05:35oh see you got us
05:36plus Carrie
05:37Kelly
05:38my sister Stephanie
05:39yeah right with us Danny
05:42hey guys
05:43hey man
05:44what's happening
05:45I was just driving by
05:47couldn't help noticing all the cars of my friends
05:51come on man
05:51this wasn't planned
05:53it just sort of happened
05:54and I suppose hot wings just happened
05:58why don't you stop
05:59hey you remember my cousin Danny right
06:01hey man good to see you again
06:02hello
06:03come on now
06:04sit down hang out and watch a game
06:09I would
06:10but my seat is
06:13I'm going back to the house
06:16anybody want anything
06:17some more hot wings
06:18no thanks man
06:20trying to drop a few pounds
06:22good
06:22glad you're on top of that
06:25man I didn't know
06:26Doug's sister was coming on this paintball thing
06:28I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't go
06:29why not
06:30well like 10 years ago
06:32we all went on this big ski trip
06:34shared this big condo
06:36yeah so
06:36yeah so
06:38we had a couple drinks
06:39and let's just say
06:40I threw one her way
06:41huh
06:42that's very sweet of you
06:44I told her that I really liked her
06:46I promised that I'd call
06:47as soon as we got back to the city
06:48here's the kicker
06:51I never did
06:53get out
06:56so Deke
06:57the big 3-3
06:59hey
07:00we've got to do something special
07:02for your birthday
07:02oh we are
07:03yeah Doug's throwing me a paintball party
07:05upstate
07:06what?
07:07I told you like a month ago
07:08you remember
07:09you called it a barbaric throwback
07:11to the worst in human nature
07:13I'd just say things
07:14to hear myself talk
07:16you know that
07:17well the thing is
07:19I mean the teams
07:19they got to be even
07:20and
07:20I uh
07:22I already invited Danny
07:25oh
07:26I see
07:27um
07:28hey
07:29I'm late for a thing
07:30uh goodbye
07:32hold on Spence
07:33you can come
07:34no no
07:35I wouldn't want to uneven
07:36your precious teams
07:38Spence
07:38it's okay
07:39forget it
07:40I don't want to get in the way
07:41of all this time
07:42you've been spending
07:42with your little cousin
07:44and by the way
07:45I know about the jet skate
07:48I only took Danny
07:49cause she's going through
07:49a hard time right now
07:50now you're coming to paintball
07:51you got it?
07:52no
07:52you're coming
07:53even if I got to tackle you
07:54and strap you to the hood of my car
07:55what are you yelling at Spence for?
07:57because my wife thinks you're hot
08:02honey
08:03come on
08:03we got about a million people
08:04to pick up
08:05uh
08:05coming
08:08I am one
08:10handsome black man
08:13what are you doing
08:14staring at yourself
08:14in the mirror
08:15how do you
08:16keep your hands
08:17off me
08:19what is
08:19with you today
08:20nothing
08:22oh
08:22some little honey
08:23on your route
08:24thought you were fine
08:25nope
08:26at least not
08:27anyone on my route
08:29so who then
08:30oh
08:30better not tell you
08:31don't want to get you jealous
08:32and get those claws out
08:34oh please
08:35honey
08:35I think I can handle it
08:37it's a beautiful morning
08:43I think I'm a fool
08:46I never was
08:48just smile
08:51just take it
08:53some clean fresh air
08:55oh
09:08all right people
09:09listen up
09:09okay now the object
09:10is to capture
09:11your enemy's flag
09:12okay now remember
09:14we're out here
09:14to have fun
09:15but also to kill
09:17any questions
09:23okay then
09:27let me help you
09:28with that
09:28I got it
09:29but maybe you ought
09:30to go help
09:30your girlfriend
09:36need some help
09:37with that
09:37no I think
09:38I got it
09:42been a long time
09:43huh
09:43has it
09:45you look
09:46real good
09:47you mean I'm not
09:48the fat cow
09:49I used to be
09:50yeah right
09:52okay well let's
09:53get this show
09:54on the road
09:54where the hell
09:55is Carrie
09:58okay
09:59that was unpleasant
10:00would you hurry up
10:01we're choosing
10:01a peens
10:02oh I'm sorry
10:03it was so lovely
10:04in there
10:04I lingered
10:06could you make
10:06a little effort
10:07to enjoy this
10:08if not for me
10:09at least
10:10for Deacon
10:11would you stop
10:13with that already
10:14you're the one
10:14who can't stop
10:15loving him
10:16yeah that's right
10:18Doug
10:18I got it bad
10:19for Deacon
10:19guess what
10:20we're planning
10:20to kill you
10:21and run away
10:22with your millions
10:24hey come on
10:24man let's choose
10:25sides to get
10:25this paper war
10:26started
10:26you can have
10:27first pick
10:28let me see
10:30who would I like
10:31to have
10:31by my side
10:34I will take
10:35Kelly
10:36get over here
10:37Miss Foxy Brown
10:38come on Colonel
10:39okay
10:40you got my wife
10:41I'll take yours
10:42Carrie
10:42come on sugar
10:44yes
10:44this just
10:45feels right
10:47yeah
10:48well we could
10:48just stop
10:49picking right
10:49now and we'd
10:50have a winning
10:50team
10:51oh yeah
10:51well so can
10:52we
10:54I guess
10:54we better
10:54keep picking
10:55though
10:57I take
10:58Louis
11:02you know
11:02why doesn't
11:03someone just
11:03give me a wedgie
11:04now and complete
11:05my humiliation
11:07well I told you
11:08it'd be extra
11:08well what are we
11:09gonna do
11:09excuse me
11:14do you need
11:15any additional
11:16personnel
11:18yeah great
11:19we'll get you
11:20some equipment
11:21no need
11:21I have all the
11:23necessary equipment
11:24in my vehicle
11:37okay how long
11:38are we gonna sit
11:38here
11:38because I gotta
11:39be honest
11:40I really thought
11:40there was gonna
11:41be a lot more
11:41running and shooting
11:42this is a lot
11:42of lurking
11:45it's just that
11:46we only rented
11:46the field until
11:472.30
11:47after that
11:47we gotta pay
11:48extra
11:48okay
11:49you don't
11:49have to
11:49shush me
11:50okay
11:51I'm a person
11:52I'm gonna sit
11:53here for 45
11:54minutes okay
11:54I wanna start
11:55shooting people
11:55Doug
11:57yelling at me
11:57will not keep
11:58your wife
11:58from lusting
11:59after your
11:59best friend
12:01how did you
12:02know that
12:02I believe
12:03the question
12:04is
12:04how did
12:05you not
12:05know
12:08they're not
12:08having an affair
12:09or anything
12:09you know
12:11she just
12:11thinks he's
12:12kind of
12:13attractive
12:13but it doesn't
12:14really matter
12:15and it's
12:16eating you
12:16alive
12:17yes it is
12:18yep
12:33time for a
12:34second coat
12:37it's just a
12:38game you
12:38psycho
12:39let's go
12:40Doug
12:41I'm sorry
12:41are you
12:42all right
12:42man
12:42Doug
12:43I'm out of here
12:57try and take
12:58my place
12:59think again
13:01pizza boy
13:17hey
13:18oh
13:20hi
13:21kill anybody
13:23yet
13:23nope
13:26god this paintball
13:28thing is so
13:28stupid
13:29I know
13:35are we so long
13:37now
13:44go
13:45oh my god
13:46you okay
13:46what's going on
13:48your wife's gone
13:49in for me
13:49she's got crazy eyes
13:52she's taking this
13:52worse than I thought
13:53taking what worse
13:55yeah
13:58oh my god
13:59did Doug
14:00tell you
14:01uh-huh
14:02hi
14:03god
14:04okay
14:05Chunky dies
14:06today
14:20hey
14:20that went right
14:22by my ear
14:22yeah
14:23yeah
14:23cause I missed
14:25all right
14:25now I gotta
14:26shoot you
14:27fine
14:28just don't say
14:29you're gonna
14:29call me
14:29after you
14:30shoot me
14:31hey look
14:32I'm sorry
14:32about not
14:33calling you
14:34okay
14:34it's just
14:35that
14:35my phone
14:36was broke
14:38and I
14:38blew my nose
14:39on the napkin
14:40that had your
14:40number on it
14:41and I couldn't
14:42tell if it
14:42was 667
14:43shut up
14:44you know
14:44I really
14:45liked you
14:46Richie
14:47sorry
14:48but you
14:49know what
14:51and the guy
14:52when I saw
14:52you today
14:53I thought
14:53wow
14:55she looks
14:56good
14:56now
14:58really
15:01that's sweet
15:04oh
15:07jeez
15:07my aim
15:08is better
15:08than I
15:09thought
15:11look
15:12Richie
15:12I'm sorry
15:13I'm sorry
15:14Richie
15:15you're gonna be
15:15okay
15:20I
15:21I'm out of
15:21I'm out too
15:26so what do
15:27we do now
15:29first
15:29we calm
15:31down
15:33I think
15:33my ground
15:34came loose
15:36our only chance
15:37is to head
15:38for those woods
15:38over there
15:39got more ammunition
15:40and head on
15:41back
15:42okay
15:42okay
15:46I don't know
15:47if you believe
15:47in God
15:48this might be
15:49a fine time
15:50to say a little
15:50prayer
15:51okay
15:52okay
15:56well
15:57oh
15:59bless us
16:01father
16:01for the
16:02pain
16:02we are
16:03about
16:03to
16:03shoot
16:07I'm really
16:08more of an
16:08amen guy
16:11Doug
16:12let's go
16:12on three
16:13one
16:13two
16:17give me
16:19a three
16:46hold it
16:48oh
16:49God
16:53why are you
16:54stalking me
16:54I'm not
16:56what did I ever
16:57do to you
16:57none of your
16:58B.I.B.
16:59is whack
17:24I left my inhaler
17:26in the van
17:27I'm not
17:32I mean
17:32I'm not
17:38I mean
17:40as
17:40I'm not
17:42I'm not
17:44I'm not
17:45I'm not
17:45I'm not
17:52though
17:52I'm not
17:54I'm not
17:58This is fun.
18:00Yeah.
18:12Okay, you never told me what this means.
18:14I don't even know.
18:16Where are they, all right?
18:18Maybe you were wrong.
18:18Maybe they're not here.
18:46I can't do this.
18:49I'm not good at war.
18:52You really don't have an ounce of self-respect, do you?
18:55I just want lunch.
18:57For God's sakes, man, tuck in your underwear.
19:06I gotta get back.
19:12Hey, Stephanie.
19:15So you gonna call me?
19:17Yeah, sure.
19:18I'll call you.
19:25All right.
19:27What do we have here?
19:33Oh, extra crispy.
19:35Winner.
19:37Don't move.
19:40You were right, Carrie.
19:42Yeah.
19:43He likes his chicken.
19:44Yeah?
19:45Well, now he's finger-licking dead.
19:48Good one.
19:49So long, my man.
19:52Hold it!
19:55Go ahead, man.
19:55Pull the trigger.
19:56But if you shoot me, Kelly shoots you.
19:58Yeah, well, Kelly shoots me, Carrie shoots Kelly.
20:00Then I shoot Carrie.
20:01Doug, you shoot me and you're never getting sex again.
20:03You can't do that!
20:05No, it's done.
20:08All right, we're getting crazy here.
20:09Look, man, we all came up here to celebrate my best friend's birthday, and we're acting like idiots.
20:15Come on, let's all just calm down, okay?
20:20All right, come on.
20:21This is cool.
20:23That's really crazy.
20:25What was that?
20:26Nothing.
20:26You were gonna shoot me, but you're gun jammed.
20:28I think you're wrong.
20:30Oh, man, you are unbelievable.
20:32Leave him alone.
20:33This is your fault, Deacon.
20:34Hey, I can't help being fine.
20:38And I can't believe you told Deacon what I said.
20:42Well, I couldn't have told him if you didn't tell me.
20:44You asked.
20:45I didn't want to hear Deacon.
20:47I wanted Pedro at the car wash.
20:51All right, you're right.
20:53I started this whole thing.
20:56Go ahead.
20:57Take a free shot at me.
21:00I'm not gonna shoot you.
21:01No, come on.
21:02No, come on.
21:03You'll feel better.
21:03Here, have a piece of chicken and shoot me.
21:06You'll be a new man.
21:08Hold it.
21:09Say goodnight, little lady.
21:32I thought he was going for the chicken.
21:49Honey, I'm home.
21:52Where the hell have you been?
21:54Oh, are you at that stupid paintball place again?
21:58I went, I went, I went, I just...
21:59Oh, wait, oh, wait, oh, wait.
22:00You know the Hendersons are coming for Bridge.
22:03I mean, look at you.
22:03Would you take that stupid rag off your head?
22:05I got, I got, I got the ice cream you wanted.
22:10This is frozen yogurt.
22:12My God, you're an idiot.
22:15I, well, I, I...
22:17I'll go back.
22:18I'll go back.
22:42I'll go back.
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