00:00Have you ever asked yourself why you still feel anxious even when you pray?
00:07I have.
00:08You know, some of you have prayed and then sat there feeling exactly the same.
00:14Your chest still feels tight.
00:16Your thoughts are still loud.
00:19Your stomach feels like something bad is about to happen.
00:23You said the words.
00:25You asked God for help.
00:27You tried to calm down.
00:30You tried to believe.
00:32And instead of peace, you still feel anxious.
00:36And then, then, a second pain hits you right after the first one.
00:42You start wondering what is wrong with you.
00:46And that is where a lot of people live.
00:48And I believe, you know, they never say it out loud.
00:53They pray.
00:54But they still panic.
00:57I feel you.
00:58I do the exact same thing.
01:00You know, they ask God for peace, but their minds keep running.
01:05We call on heaven.
01:07But our bodies still feel like we're bracing for impact.
01:11And because that happens, we can start carrying shame on top of anxiety.
01:19Now it's not just, I feel overwhelmed.
01:22Now it becomes, maybe I'm doing this wrong.
01:26Or maybe my faith is weak.
01:29Maybe if I really trusted God, I would not still feel like this.
01:36And that thought has crushed a lot of people, present company included.
01:41It's always my fault.
01:43Because now you're not only fighting fear.
01:46You're judging yourself for feeling fear in the first place.
01:51But let me tell you something that may help you breathe again.
01:56Feeling anxious after you pray does not mean God has ignored you.
02:02It does not mean your prayer has failed.
02:05It does not mean your faith is fake.
02:08It means you're a human being.
02:11And sometimes the body takes longer to settle than the mouth does.
02:18And a lot of people think prayer is supposed to just flip a switch.
02:23You pray once and suddenly your whole inner world is supposed to just become quiet.
02:29And you know what?
02:31Sometimes that happens.
02:33Thank God when it does.
02:36But sometimes prayer is not a switch.
02:39Sometimes it's a hand to hold while you walk through the storm.
02:44The storm may still be loud for a while.
02:47And the wind may still hit your face.
02:51Your heart may still race.
02:53But you're not walking through it alone.
02:56And for me, that matters more than a lot of people realize.
03:02Because anxiety makes you believe that if the feeling is still there,
03:07God must not be.
03:10That is a lie.
03:12Some of the deepest moments with God happen while you are still shaking.
03:17Some of the most honest prayers that have ever been prayed were not polished prayers.
03:24They were prayers of desperation.
03:26They were the kind that came out of people who were scared, tired, confused, and hanging on by a thread.
03:36God has never been afraid of that kind of honesty.
03:40He's not standing back from you because your voice is trembling.
03:45He is not offended because your peace has not arrived yet.
03:50You see, sometimes your prayer is not weak because it is shaky.
03:56Sometimes it's real because it is shaky.
04:01You know, a lot of anxiety stays alive because people think they have to sound strong before they come to
04:09God.
04:10So, they hide the actual thing.
04:13You know, they clean it up.
04:15They talk around it.
04:16They give God a church version of what they feel instead of the real version.
04:23But healing does not begin where you pretend.
04:27It begins where you finally tell the truth.
04:32God, I'm scared.
04:35God, I am thinking the worst.
04:38God, I do not know how to shut this off.
04:44God, I'm tired of living like this.
04:48And that kind of prayer, well, that kind of prayer is not failure.
04:54That kind of prayer is the beginning of real closeness.
04:59And there's something else people do not talk about enough, in my opinion.
05:04Anxiety is not always just a thought problem.
05:07Sometimes it's living in our bodies, too.
05:12Sometimes we've been carrying stress for so long that even when your spirit reaches toward God, your body is still
05:22in survival mode.
05:24Your mind may believe one thing, while your body, your body is still acting like danger is close.
05:32And that does not make you broken.
05:35It means you've been through some things.
05:37Hey.
05:38It means you've been under pressure.
05:41It means your whole being has learned how to brace.
05:45So, do not condemn yourself because your nervous system did not calm down in 10 seconds.
05:53You're not less spiritual because your body needs time.
05:57You are not disappointing God because peace did not land all at once.
06:03You know, a lot of people need to hear this.
06:08Prayer is not pretending you are okay.
06:11Prayer is bringing your not okay self into the presence of God.
06:17And that changes everything.
06:21Because when you stop using prayer to perform and start using prayer to connect, something softens.
06:29You stop trying to impress God with control.
06:32You stop treating peace like a test you have to pass.
06:37You stop acting like the one acceptable emotion in front of God is calm.
06:43And prayer, well, prayer becomes what it was always meant to be.
06:49It becomes a place where you can come undone without being thrown away.
06:55And maybe that's part of why some people still feel anxious when they pray.
07:01They're not praying from surrender.
07:04They're praying from pressure.
07:06They're trying to force themselves into instant peace because they're afraid of what it means
07:12if they still hurt.
07:15They're praying with a stopwatch in their hand.
07:18And they're praying with self-judgment sitting in the room.
07:22They're praying like they have to earn the comfort they're asking for.
07:27But God?
07:29God is not asking you to win your way into peace.
07:33He's asking you to come close.
07:36And there's a difference.
07:38Sometimes the peace of God does not show up like a wave that knocks everything out at once.
07:45Sometimes it comes like enough strength for the next ten minutes.
07:51Sometimes it comes like one clear breath in the middle of chaos.
07:56Sometimes it comes like the ability to keep going without falling apart.
08:01And sometimes it comes as the quiet realization that even though you still feel anxious, you are not abandoned.
08:12Now, that's peace too, in my opinion.
08:16You know, it's not always dramatic.
08:18It's not always instant.
08:20But it's real.
08:22And there are people listening right now who have been cruel to themselves because they still struggle after they pray.
08:29You thought that if you really trusted God, your mind would never race again.
08:36You thought mature faith meant never feeling overwhelmed.
08:40You thought closeness to God meant emotional silence all the time.
08:46No.
08:47You see, closeness to God often means you learn where to go with the noise.
08:54It means anxiety no longer owns the final word.
09:00It shows up, but it does not get to tell you who you are.
09:05And it still hits, but it does not get to define your future.
09:11It will still visit, but it does not get to sit on the throne.
09:17God is there.
09:19You begin to say, yes, I feel this, but this feeling is not my master.
09:27Yes, my chest is tight, but God is still here.
09:32Yes, my thoughts are loud, but they are not the voice of truth.
09:37And yes, I am struggling, but I am still held.
09:43Now, that is not fake strength.
09:46That is learned strength.
09:49And learned strength is often built in hidden places.
09:54It's built when you pray again after yesterday's prayer did not make you feel instantly better.
10:01It's built when you keep showing up to God without theatrics.
10:07It's built when you stop measuring his presence by your immediate emotional relief.
10:15Some of you need to stop treating your anxiety like proof that God is far away.
10:23It may actually be the place where he wants to meet you most personally.
10:28Not after you cleaned it up and not after you get impressive.
10:32Right there, in the middle of it.
10:36In the middle of the spinning thoughts.
10:39Right there in the restless night.
10:42Right there in the moment when you do not even have polished words left.
10:46And all you can say is,
10:49Lord, help me.
10:51That prayer counts.
10:53And that moment, that moment matters.
10:58He hears the quiet ones too.
11:01He hears the exhausted ones.
11:04He hears the ones that come out of a car in a parking lot with tears in their eyes.
11:10He hears the ones who whisper into a pillow at two in the morning.
11:15He hears the ones who pray through clenched teeth.
11:20He hears the ones that do not sound beautiful.
11:25And he's not measuring your worth by how quickly your body calms down
11:29after you pray.
11:31So, take time for you.
11:35Breathe.
11:36Not because everything is fixed.
11:39Breathe because you are still here and God is still here too.
11:45Breathe because peace is not always feeling, you know,
11:50like everything is immediately better.
11:53Sometimes, sometimes it's a truth you return to again and again until your soul starts to believe
12:01what heaven has been saying all along.
12:04You're not feeling because you're still feeling anxious.
12:09You're not weak because this is hard.
12:13You're not far from God because peace has taken longer than you wanted.
12:18Stay with him.
12:21Keep talking to him honestly.
12:24Keep coming back without shame.
12:27Let the prayer be real.
12:30Let the tears be real.
12:33Let the process be real.
12:37And while you're walking through it, I want you to remember this.
12:41The fact that you still feel anxious does not mean God is not working.
12:47Sometimes, he is doing his deepest work in the part of you that is still trembling.
12:53And one day, you're going to look back and realize that you were not being ignored in those moments.
13:00You were being held together in ways you could not yet see.
13:05And until then, do not give up.
13:10Because your feelings did not change fast enough.
13:14Pray again.
13:16Pray until something happens.
13:25Pray because your father is still listening.
13:30Pray because being held is better than pretending.
13:35And pray because even here, especially here, you are not alone.
13:46My name is Douglas Van der Graaff and I believe in Jesus Christ.
13:51God bless every single one of you.
13:55Every single one.
13:58Bye-bye.
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