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Norm Macdonald Live S03E12 Norm Macdonald with Guest Margaret Cho DD 2 monkee
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00:01We are back for another season of Norm MacDonald Live, and my trusty sidekick, Adam Eget, to my immediate right.
00:09You will recognize. How has your hiatus been? What have you been doing? What have you been up to?
00:13Oh, it's been great. I'm glad.
00:15What's been occupying your time in mind?
00:17You know, just work. I'm glad that we've come back. It's been great.
00:22What kind of work? What kind of work are you doing?
00:24I'm still booking the Comedy Store.
00:27Oh. Still booking the store.
00:30You're booking the Comedy Store?
00:31Yeah.
00:31What happened to the job you had putting in fence posts?
00:37Oh, it didn't work out.
00:39It didn't work out?
00:39No. Why not?
00:41I just wasn't very good at it.
00:42Okay. So now you're back where?
00:44At the Comedy Store.
00:45Where you can buy comedy.
00:47It's not that kind of store.
00:49Yeah. I don't do a lot of... I don't like to sell my comedy.
00:54Again, it's not an actual store. That's just the name.
00:56It's just a comedy club.
00:59Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
01:01Well, another thing I like to do over my hiatus, of course, is indulge my insatiable appetite for history.
01:13Oh, yeah. You love history.
01:14And, of course, I'm now very interested because of you. You put me on to this. This whole thing about
01:22the Nazis.
01:25Mm-hmm.
01:25You told me, you gotta watch more of this Nazi propaganda. Where this Lenny Reifenstahl. What's her name?
01:38Lenny Reifenstahl.
01:40Lenny Reifenstahl. And I agree with you. She is a fine director. Fine director.
01:45I recommended the movie Rudy.
01:48Has Lenny Reifenstahl done any comedies?
01:51Not that I'm aware of. No.
01:53Well, she's very good at what she does. And you know what I like about it? There's always something new.
02:03What do you mean new? New audio and video recording are being found. Yes. Yes.
02:09Seems like they would have covered everything.
02:10As a matter of fact, one came out just last week of a shot of, I think it was the
02:18Nuremberg rally.
02:20Yes, the Nuremberg rally. And it's a fascinating one because they have some very rare recordings.
02:27If you listen to it very carefully, very closely, you can hear people speak.
02:35Let's take a listen. I'll show you what I'm talking about.
02:38I'll show you what I'm talking about. Look at the use of architecture. It's a bird. Yeah.
02:50But look at this. Now listen very carefully right here.
02:56Do you have the tickets? What role are we in?
02:59Me? I don't have the tickets. You have the tickets.
03:02This is so embarrassing. We're late as it is, and now we don't even have the tickets.
03:07Will you two idiots shut up? I got the tickets.
03:11What row are we in?
03:12Let's see. G44, G45, G52.
03:18What? We're not even sitting together? I think we passed G-section. This is section D.
03:25Shit. We'll just find a place and sit down.
03:28Oh, I don't think so. I don't think so. They are really strict here.
03:35You're really strict.
03:38So there it is.
03:40Ah, it does stir the heart. You were right about that. You were right about that.
03:44Yeah. You said to watch the... You said I would get a big kick out of the... Now, I don't
03:52agree with what the man said. I have to... That's where you and I part ways.
03:58But I liked it. I liked the scope of it, the bigness, I guess.
04:06It's not the film I suggested to you. I told you to watch Rudy.
04:10Yeah.
04:11Rudy.
04:11I don't know what the fella's name was, but...
04:14That's not... It's just... That's in a stadium as well. No, I'm talking about Rudy.
04:17Yeah, big stadium.
04:17Notre Dame, football.
04:19It was a fine, fine, fine film. And I thank you for it. But there are some things, again, that
04:27you will never talk me into. And I do not care for that man.
04:33When we return, a third will be with us. Margaret Cho.
04:48Our guest tonight wrote these lyrics. The song is called My Puss. The lyrics go somewhere like this.
05:00My puss looks so fantastic. Your puss smells like bed plastic.
05:09My puss likes it nice and rough, whereas your puss has some bad dandruff. My puss is so fine that
05:21I flaunt it, whereas your puss is so old it is haunted.
05:28My puss makes everybody horny. Your puss looks somewhat like Barney.
05:38My puss won 15 tonnies. Your puss hangs down to your knees. My puss must be pretty if it showed,
05:46whereas your puss has its own zip card. I'd rather like that one.
05:52My puss won 15 tonnies. My puss won the FIFA World Cup. Your puss makes me sneeze and throw up.
06:03My puss is soft like velvet, whereas your puss is dead like Elvis.
06:13The author of those lyrics, our guest tonight, Margaret Cho.
06:23And my sidekick, Adam Higit, is with us. And we've been on Hiya's, Margaret. And we're just getting back, so
06:32you'll excuse us if we aren't as good at the...
06:38I don't like to lick anybody's asshole because it's like putting your tongue on a 9-volt battery.
06:43There is a copper feel to it.
06:46It's coppery and it's acrid.
06:48Yeah.
06:48Yeah, it's pennies.
06:50It tastes just like pennies.
06:51It tastes like pennies.
06:51I've been told.
06:53I don't like the flavor.
06:54He calls it pennies from heaven.
06:58But yeah, I'm not that... I'm not anally inclined. As I were... I was much more into it when I
07:04was younger. I don't like it anymore.
07:05This is what I've learned. There's a phrase, anal. When you're tidy, you're meticulous. You're cleaning up. Oh, that fella's
07:12anal.
07:13Mm-hmm.
07:14Anyway.
07:15Anal retent. Are you anal retentant?
07:19Yeah.
07:19So what I learned is, you should, instead of the word anal, you should just use the word tidy. Because
07:26what happens is a guy will get out of jail.
07:29Big fella. You know, weigh 300, 400 pounds, come over to your house and he's cleaning up and he's meticulous.
07:35And he goes, by golly, you say, Rocco, you seem like an anal fella. And they're like, oh, stop. Don't
07:40hit me anymore.
07:41Oh, no.
07:41He starts hitting you.
07:42Oh, no.
07:42And I realized I should have just said tidy.
07:45Yeah. Not anal.
07:46No. And then, you know, I get out my OED and try to explain to him, but it doesn't work.
07:53But you were making a point earlier in the car.
07:59Oh, about, yeah, about that, just that whole class, I guess you would call it. Because Mr. Show is like
08:05my Monty, my generation's Monty Python.
08:07Yeah.
08:07I remember it was a big event.
08:09Yeah.
08:10My generation's Monty Python was Monty Python.
08:12Probably Monty Python.
08:13Yes.
08:13But did it, did you have a sense at that time that you guys were really in the center of
08:19something?
08:19What's going on?
08:19Monty Python was The Goon Show.
08:21Oh, yeah, yeah.
08:22I don't know The Goon Show.
08:24The Goon Show.
08:24What's it called? The Goon Show?
08:25Or Spike Mulligan, yeah.
08:26Oh, okay.
08:27The Goon Show.
08:27That was funny.
08:28Yeah, really funny.
08:29The clown prince of comedy, right?
08:31The what?
08:31Is that what they call them?
08:32Or is it Spike Jonze?
08:33And there's that Ernie Kovacs, too.
08:35Oh.
08:36That's all, like, very cool, like, old TV that was very surreal.
08:39Mm.
08:40But Mr. Show is also very surreal.
08:41Yeah.
08:42And yeah, we did have a sense that something was happening, that we were around something great,
08:46and that something amazing was in our midst.
08:49And, you know, we'd see Weezer in Spin Magazine, and one of the guys had a t-shirt that he'd
08:54written,
08:54I Love Janine Garofalo on it.
08:56That's pretty good.
08:57You know, it was, like, the 90s is, like, such a vibrant time.
08:59What was the enemy at that time?
09:01The enemy?
09:03Um, I don't know if we had an enemy.
09:04Prop comedy?
09:05I mean, was Saturday, what was the old guard?
09:07Was Saturday Night Live the old guard?
09:09Was it considered?
09:10No, no, Saturday.
09:10They were all on SNL.
09:12You know, you were on SNL.
09:14Laura, Janine.
09:14Laura was on it.
09:15Janine was on it.
09:16Sarah.
09:17It was a big, yeah, Sarah Silverman was on it.
09:19It was a very big deal.
09:19Oh, they were all very, they weren't really on much.
09:25No, no.
09:26But that show was more standard, obviously.
09:29I think, yeah, it was more establishment, but we were still involved in it.
09:33You know, you guys were still all a part of it, which is amazing, because finally we were
09:37seeing, like, ourselves reflected back in real media, such in these real institutions
09:43like SNL in movies and in TV.
09:45But I bet at the time, you know, David Cross was like, ah, it's SNL.
09:50No.
09:51Was there a lot of that?
09:52Well, the difference between the show, Mr. Show, and SNL is pretty vast, because SNL
09:59was very structured and kind of like fits this format that it always has done.
10:03But Mr. Show was totally surreal, totally rock and roll, lots of drug humor, lots of
10:09weird stuff.
10:11You know, my favorite is when David Cross is in the, his head is through the bed and
10:15he's like a hot top, Titanic.
10:18Or he tried to commit suicide, but in a vat of acid.
10:21Yeah.
10:22So he didn't all the way melt.
10:23Right, right, right.
10:23So he's just like a hot dog.
10:26And I remember being in the audience of that, and I could not believe how funny it was.
10:33Like, it was so incredibly ridiculous.
10:36I just laughed so hard.
10:39It was so good.
10:39It was a really funny sketch.
10:40It was a really funny sketch.
10:41But they were, they were so like, I mean, David Cross always makes me die laughing.
10:46Yeah, David Cross is great.
10:47He's so funny.
10:48You know what I loved about SNL over any alternative show up till then?
10:54Mm-hmm.
10:55Because obviously SNL was an alternative show and it came along.
10:58But SNL and the first David Letterman show at 1230 were the only shows I ever saw on television
11:06where everything didn't kill.
11:08Mm-hmm.
11:08Like every other show, every other sketch show, every other, everything would kill.
11:14Mm-hmm.
11:15Everyone would laugh at everything that was said.
11:17Well, except for SCTV, there was, sometimes they didn't even have a laugh track on SCTV.
11:21No, but they didn't have a laugh track.
11:22But I mean, if it had an audience, it would kill.
11:26Mm-hmm.
11:26And the only two shows I ever saw were the first Letterman, the 1230 Letterman.
11:32They didn't laugh sometimes.
11:34Did you do comedy?
11:35You could bomb.
11:35You did comedy on that show.
11:36Yeah, you could bomb on that show.
11:38Yeah.
11:38Well, I bombed a lot on TV.
11:40But you just, it sort of was okay.
11:43You know, it was part of it.
11:44Yeah.
11:44Although I am banned from The Tonight Show from doing stand-up comedy because I switched
11:48my set and I didn't do what I was supposed to do.
11:50Uh-huh.
11:51So I was like nervous and I kind of bombed and I ran out of time and then I was
11:54like,
11:55uh, I just kept going and I didn't know what to do because I wanted to end on a laugh.
11:58Uh-huh.
11:58So I can do sit down.
11:59I can sit down at the desk and do the interview, but I can't do stand-up comedy, which I
12:04did,
12:04I guess, you're, you're anyway, you're promoted anyway if you're sitting down.
12:09Right.
12:09Yeah.
12:09But I always thought I would want to do stand-up comedy.
12:11Like I always wanted to do comedy on Letterman, but I just did the sit-down interviews.
12:15Mm-hmm.
12:15Which, uh, so I was an actress, not a comic.
12:18So I never got that feeling.
12:20You know, it's a different feeling.
12:22I had the problem with when people, when people at some point didn't even know I was
12:27a stand-up because I was always doing a sit-down, yeah.
12:30Sit-down, yeah.
12:30The panel.
12:32Yeah.
12:32So I thought, oh, this guy's like, uh, Orson Bean.
12:36You know, they wouldn't know I had Matt.
12:38Orson Bean.
12:38Orson Bean.
12:38Just a raconteur, you know what I mean?
12:41But when we come back, we will not talk about Orson Bean.
12:50We are back with the incomparable, the inimitable, or you could say imitable.
12:57I'll be, um, just as complimentary.
13:00Uh, Margaret Cho is our guest and, uh, fire herself up a color teeny and enjoy as, uh, Adam
13:08for me get interviews a little bit.
13:12Um, well, also wanted me to add, he wanted me to bring up about, uh, Super Dave.
13:18Because, uh, all of our fans, uh, love Super Dave.
13:21Yeah.
13:22Probably one of our, I think it's my favorite episode.
13:24Our first episode we ever did was with Super Dave Osborne.
13:26And we found out off camera that your brother worked with Super Dave.
13:31My brother is Fuji.
13:32Fuji.
13:32That's amazing.
13:33Yeah.
13:33He's one of, like, he's like a third generation Fuji.
13:36So he's not the original Fuji, but he's like kind of come in later as a Fuji.
13:41So I'm not sure what number Fuji.
13:43That's great.
13:44That's great.
13:45So he's in, he's in comedy too.
13:46He's an actor as well.
13:47And he lives in Los Angeles?
13:48Yes.
13:49And do you know Super Dave, uh, socially?
13:51Yes, yes.
13:52Because Super Dave seems to love Fuji.
13:54You know, I golf with him and he, he loves, uh, everybody on the show.
13:59That's great.
14:00And, uh.
14:00I love Super Dave.
14:01Yeah, Super Dave.
14:03He's funny.
14:03He's a real character.
14:04He's very, he's, he's like, um, does he still Velcro himself to things?
14:10Or shoot himself out of things?
14:12Does he still?
14:12Sure he does.
14:13I mean, he's sort of an older gentleman now, so it seems like it would be taxing.
14:18And he has, and we were also saying that your brother works with him and his brother
14:21is Albert Brooks.
14:23And, uh, I think they have a little sibling thing because Albert Brooks was always looked at
14:29as the genius.
14:30Cerebral.
14:30Yes.
14:31Whereas, uh, uh, uh, you know, uh, um, Super Dave is also quite intelligent, but, um, may
14:41look, may be looked at as, uh, differently.
14:43But anyways.
14:44He's more of an action man.
14:46Let the others continue.
14:46Yeah, he's an auteur.
14:48Now, you were in a Bob Hope special?
14:50Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:51This scene is impossible.
14:52No, um, I was discovered by Bob Hope.
14:54You were?
14:54That was like one of my first television jobs, yeah.
14:56Goodness gracious.
14:57Remember his young comedian's, uh, the comedian's special?
15:00So he would have like five comics.
15:03No.
15:03Um, this was every year he would do around Christmas time.
15:07And he would like have five comics.
15:08And the year that I did it, um, I believe it was Dana Gould, Caroline Ray, I don't remember
15:13the other performers.
15:15Uh-huh.
15:15But we, um, all, uh, filmed.
15:17And it was very stressful because you would have to do the press junket at Bob Hope's
15:21house, which is filled with portraits by, of clowns by Phyllis Diller.
15:25Oh, wow.
15:26He was a major collector of Phyllis Diller's art.
15:27Oh, my God, that's amazing.
15:28So, uh, it was really.
15:29He was a major collector.
15:31It was really an assault on the senses because it was just all of these crazy clowns.
15:35And then Bob Hope, who was so old, he couldn't hear you or see you or talk to you or
15:40anything.
15:41Yeah.
15:41But you were still there with him, um, for the entire day.
15:44Holy shit.
15:44It's very strange.
15:45And then, so we do the show, um.
15:47And to be in the presence of Bob Hope.
15:49Well, he was barely alive.
15:51He was just being sort of, uh, pushed around by Linda Hope, his daughter, you know, kind
15:56of carried to places.
15:57He did sets, but they were pieced together because he couldn't remember anything.
16:02And the whole time you would, you would see and hear Linda going, Dad! Dad!
16:07Like trying to get him to wake back up because he would kind of fall asleep during the sets.
16:10And, but he actually tried to do comedy and then they would edit it all together to make,
16:15um, it looked like he had done a set on a soundstage, you know, with an audience.
16:20And around what year was that?
16:21That was about nine, I guess, 90, 89.
16:25Wow.
16:26Um, and that was the time period.
16:27And, uh, the first one I watched, I watched at, uh, J.J. Abrams' house, who's now the,
16:32the big director of Star Wars and lots of other, produces a lot of things.
16:36And so I would watch it at his house.
16:39That's how long ago it was.
16:41Wow.
16:41We all get together and watch it.
16:43And what was the, the, was it a Christmas type of a show?
16:46It was a Christmas type show.
16:47I remember that it was like a holiday event.
16:50And then it was a big deal if you got picked to be on it, you know, because there was
16:53like
16:54different degrees of success you could have.
16:57Like you could be like a Star Search comedian, which I also was.
17:00Uh-huh.
17:01Or you could be an evening at the Improv Comedian or you could be a letter,
17:03I think of you as like a Letterman Comedian.
17:05Uh-huh.
17:06Or you could be a young comedian, special comedian.
17:09Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:09How did you fare on Star Search?
17:11Not very well because I was not allowed to do regular Star Search.
17:15I had to do Star Search International.
17:16So did he.
17:17So we did Star Search International.
17:19He lost to the Bushman.
17:20Who?
17:21The Bushman.
17:22The Bushman.
17:22Who was the Bushman?
17:24Oh, he's from Africa.
17:25Well, it turned out Seattle, but he wore a tribal robe.
17:31Oh, okay.
17:32And so he was much more international than I was.
17:34Yeah.
17:34I think I lost to Jim Tavare.
17:39He was from London.
17:41Uh-huh.
17:41And he would climb up on his cello.
17:44He had played the upright bass.
17:45No, not cello, upright bass.
17:47Uh-huh.
17:47And he would climb up on it and play.
17:50Then also competing Jerry Bedknoff.
17:51Oh, yeah.
17:52Oh, yeah.
17:53He's Canadian.
17:54He's Canadian.
17:55He's Canadian, but he was representing India.
17:57India.
17:58Ah.
17:58So I was representing Korea for whatever reason, but I didn't win.
18:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:05That's too bad.
18:06My manager got me on that show.
18:09I said, oh, I don't want to do a star search.
18:10He said, no, this is international star search.
18:12It pays a million dollars if you win.
18:16Just lied to him.
18:17It lied.
18:17But then you only had to do one round instead of a grueling entire season, so it actually
18:23kind of worked out better.
18:24Right, right.
18:25Yeah.
18:25You know.
18:26But after you'd already lost and you knew you were lost, then you'd have to come back
18:31at the end and face the music.
18:34But I remember we got a room.
18:35I got a room at the Sportsman's Lodge.
18:38You and Bob O?
18:38Ooh.
18:39For Star Search.
18:40Oh.
18:41So we got a room.
18:42The Sportsman's Lodge.
18:43I love that place.
18:44The Sportsman's Lodge.
18:45And Janine Graffalo came over.
18:47We spent the night in the room.
18:49Nice.
18:50That's cool.
18:50You know who used to love rendezvous over at the Sportsman's Lodge?
18:55Don Knotts.
18:56Oh.
18:58Yes.
18:59You know what his big line was to the ladies on the Three's Company?
19:06Cool.
19:08They'd go to the Smokehouse.
19:09And John Ritter was very faithful to his wife.
19:13And so there was, you know, Richard Kind was, he wasn't a player, you know.
19:20But Don Knotts was.
19:21Mm-hmm.
19:21And so Don Knotts, big lines to the, big lines to what they call the bimbovs of the week.
19:27You know, just the beautiful girls that would come to do the show that way.
19:31When nobody was looking, he'd put some booze in their beer.
19:35Oh, my goodness.
19:37He'd make a funny face.
19:39Even while he was doing this game.
19:41Oh, my goodness.
19:42And then he'd say to the girl, he'd go, he'd say, I'm married, but it's not going well.
19:50Oh.
19:52Oh.
19:53Yeah, he charmed them.
19:55And then he took them to the Sportsman's Lodge.
19:58And Bob Hope went there a lot, too.
20:00He liked to take women there.
20:01Oh.
20:01Oh.
20:01And you went there.
20:02I went there.
20:03With Bob Hope.
20:04With Gene Grussell.
20:06For Star Search.
20:07I also did a show there with Steve Allen when he was still alive.
20:10Oh, yeah.
20:11He was very, very old.
20:13Very old.
20:14And kind of puttering around backstage wanting to get a ride home.
20:17Very strange.
20:18Yeah.
20:18But he was really nice.
20:19It was just odd to see him that kind of not there, not completely there.
20:25That was really close to before he died.
20:26They really should euthanize them at some point.
20:28I know, really.
20:29They should be put down.
20:32Who did I see?
20:34And I love Jackie Mason.
20:35But, boy, the last time I saw him, it was just like a wax figure Saturday.
20:40You know what I mean?
20:40Aww.
20:41I talked to him.
20:42Yeah.
20:42Because I loved him when he made the comeback.
20:44And he was so funny.
20:45Yeah.
20:46I heard he's not a very good person, but I don't care.
20:49But his act.
20:50Hey.
20:51Hey.
20:52This guy.
20:53And then, but, you know, his shows became more and more Yiddish.
20:59Uh-huh.
20:59To where he was basically a cantor up there, you know.
21:03Very hard to understand.
21:04But still, the rhythm made you laugh.
21:06Hey.
21:09I remember his big joke was, at the time, you could go across the border.
21:13You could not bring produce.
21:16Uh-huh.
21:17But it was all right if you had AIDS.
21:20Oh, God.
21:21So he'd say, hey, you.
21:24Wait a second.
21:25You, with the AIDS, with the disease in your body that you could spread and kill people
21:29at the modern-day plague.
21:31What's that in your back pocket?
21:33Is that an orange?
21:39Now, your dad was a humor columnist.
21:42That's what it says in this blue card.
21:44Mm-hmm.
21:44He was a joke writer.
21:45He was an archivist.
21:46So he wrote a lot of different kinds of stuff, but one of them was jokes.
21:51Uh-huh.
21:52And he had different columns and different things.
21:54He did radio shows.
21:55He still does, to some extent.
21:57He's a writer.
21:57He still does.
21:58Yeah.
21:58So you come from a show business.
22:00Yes.
22:00And yet you play your mother as not a.
22:04She's very country.
22:05She's very like, I don't know what I know.
22:08She sounds like she's not show business at all, but she is.
22:11Oh, she's so show business.
22:13She loves.
22:13She is show business.
22:14She loves to be on TV.
22:16She loves these reality shows.
22:17We did like celebrity wife swap.
22:20Oh, you really?
22:20She was like, I love Holly Robinson Pete.
22:24She loves Holly Robinson Pete.
22:26I love Holly.
22:28She wanted to trade me for Holly Robinson Pete.
22:31So they do love the camera, my family.
22:35Yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:36Well, that's great that you've given them an opportunity to be in front of it.
22:40That was pretty great.
22:41It's all right.
22:43My mom loves that, too.
22:44I don't have an opportunity.
22:48I wish I didn't.
22:48Wait.
22:50Well, don't look at me.
22:51No, you're, you're.
22:53Huh?
22:55You have your.
22:56No, I, yeah, my mom, my mom loves showbiz, too.
22:59Hopefully one day I'll be able to.
23:01Don't look at me.
23:03It's like you're staring into my soul.
23:06No, I'm just watching an interview.
23:07You're not watching.
23:08Oh, I wasn't interviewing.
23:09I was just, that was an aside.
23:10Ooh.
23:10What's the next question?
23:11Oh, do you want a question?
23:12You can't think of one yourself.
23:14Oh, no, I had a point in five.
23:15I just wanted you to go on.
23:16Oh, you don't want to interview?
23:17Hmm?
23:18Margaret?
23:18I was.
23:19Oh, go ahead.
23:20Huh?
23:20Oh, uh.
23:26We took a couple years off.
23:28I'm not built for, uh.
23:29It's okay.
23:30I'm not built for this.
23:30When we get back, though, we'll be telling jokes.
23:33Awesome.
23:34What the great and pioneering continues to be.
23:38And that's, uh, that's the new issue.
23:42Margaret Cho.
23:56Uh, since Norm Macdonald Live premiered over two years ago, one thing has remained consistent
24:05throughout.
24:09Jokes.
24:10So we're going to do some jokes with, uh, this is a rather troublesome thing I've got to,
24:15uh, address.
24:17This was in, uh, Adam Ega's dressing room.
24:20If you can read it, it says, ISIS hunting permit.
24:26It's not mine.
24:27I don't know.
24:28It's not, it's not mine.
24:30Whether or not it's yours, you were defending it earlier when we talked about it just now.
24:34I said, what does this mean even?
24:37ISIS hunting permit.
24:39Everyone would want to kill ISIS.
24:41And then you said, no, no, I wouldn't want to kill ISIS.
24:43I don't, no, I think, I think you're.
24:46What did you say just now?
24:47No, I'm, I'm saying that, first of all, it doesn't make sense.
24:51It's an ISIS punting permit.
24:52When I said ISIS hunting permit, I said, I said, wait, does that mean, ISIS punting permit,
24:57does that mean that this is supposed to be taken as some sort of redneck, um, thing?
25:02Yeah, it seems like it would be on like a redneck.
25:04Why would this be a redneck thing?
25:05Well, it just seems typical of something you'd see on the back of a paper truck.
25:08Right, but I said after that, I said, but, but no, everyone would want to kill ISIS.
25:14And then what did you say?
25:15I, I think that it's just, the thing is, is that somebody would use that as permission
25:20to kill Muslims.
25:22Just, um, because they couldn't differentiate between who is ISIS and who is.
25:28Why would they not say Muslim hunting permit?
25:31Um, well, because, uh, they sort of look at all Muslims as being ISIS, you know?
25:37That's the problem.
25:38When people want to deport all the Muslims from America, they think that they're all part
25:42of ISIS.
25:43When in truth, they're not.
25:44They're not at all.
25:45Yes.
25:46You know, um, it's like saying, uh, somebody like Timothy McVeigh is all Christians.
25:52Uh-huh.
25:52Yeah, I've, I've read some figures of 80% of a lot of those nations don't agree with,
25:57they're against ISIS.
26:00Well spoken.
26:01The point, I don't know where you found it.
26:03It's not from my dressing room.
26:05I don't have a dressing room.
26:06It's not from my car.
26:07Well, who cares about dressing room?
26:07We're talking about it.
26:08Did you hear what?
26:09Yes, I, I agree with, with everything Margaret just said.
26:12A thousand percent.
26:13Yes.
26:13I mean, I don't, I don't, uh, disagree.
26:16I, I think ISIS is terrible.
26:18Absolutely.
26:18And everybody here, here listed, Boko Haram in particular, I have a lot of, um, rage towards.
26:25However, somebody would take this, uh, in the wrong way.
26:29I mean, somebody would look at this and think of it as permission to kill all Muslims.
26:33Right.
26:33Which is sort of a sentiment that's, that's going around in conservative circles, which
26:39is not the right way to look at, um, Muslim America.
26:42Yeah.
26:42It's like after 9-11 people were shooting, um, uh, Sikhs for, uh, people from India who
26:47had nothing to.
26:48Nothing to do.
26:49Yeah.
26:49And it's just this unawareness of, uh.
26:52It's ignorance.
26:53People who are different from them.
26:55Not even different in America.
26:57Well, I can't say, I can't say my friend's name, but he said his biggest fear is that ISIS
27:08or some, uh, terrorist group like that would get a hold of a dirty bomb and explode it over
27:16a major city within the United States and kill tens of millions of people because then
27:27the blowback against innocent Muslims would be absolutely terrible.
27:34Mm-hmm.
27:35Yeah, that's, that's right.
27:36That's true.
27:37All right.
27:38Let's do some jokes.
27:40That went well, Josh.
27:43Now, this is a, a great joke.
27:45This is, I think, a, just a classic joke.
27:48This may have been written by, uh, who's this new boy that I've taken quite a, an unhealthy
27:53interest, uh, with?
27:54Black.
27:55Huh?
27:56Scott Black.
27:56Scott Black.
27:59Black.
28:00Uh, anyways, I really like this Black.
28:05Um, and, uh, see what you think of this joke.
28:07If you could just speak this joke out loud into that camera.
28:11Okay.
28:11You don't have to read ahead or you can if you like.
28:13I'm taking a fascinating class.
28:15Try to, you know, use your comic timing and delivery.
28:18Okay.
28:19I'm taking a fascinating class all about the Hollywood freeway.
28:23Oh.
28:23It's called 101, 101.
28:26101, 101.
28:27101, 101.
28:28That's pretty good, right?
28:29That's good.
28:30That's pretty good.
28:30Uh, here's one.
28:31Mrs.
28:32Donald J. Trump, fresh from a plagiarism scandal, is facing a different kind of heat.
28:36A racy photo spread from 95 has emerged, with photos of Melania Trump lying nude in a bed
28:41as another naked model embraces her from behind, just below her breasts, which are fully exposed.
28:46Another photo shows the other naked model in sheer stockings, a low-cut bustier in high
28:51heels, raising a whip as if preparing to spank Melania, who pretends to recoil.
28:56Geez, who does Melania think she is, Mamie Eisenhower?
29:07Crowds in Brazil greeted arriving Olympians with signs reading,
29:12Welcome to Hell.
29:14Can you imagine that?
29:15Their local chamber of commerce really needs to brush up on the basics.
29:22Is all you do a joke?
29:24It's always funny when, um, because he used, when he started, he sucked at jokes, and no
29:31one liked them.
29:32But he's getting a lot better.
29:34He's better.
29:35Yeah.
29:35Okay.
29:36Just say it to that camera.
29:37All right.
29:38Um, there's no hard evidence that flossing helps your teeth much, scientists now say.
29:43Though they add, it is a great activity for people who enjoy tedious, repetitious drudgery.
29:50Some of them, some of them he's gotten better.
29:53Yeah, that was a stumble.
29:54That wasn't great.
29:55That was good.
29:56It was good.
29:57Yeah.
29:58You always know a joke's good when, when the response is, that was good.
30:05In lieu of laughter.
30:09Oh, what about New York City?
30:11Apparently, horse manure has taken over New York City.
30:15Um, how about that?
30:18Whoa.
30:18Isn't that terrible?
30:19Anyways, there's a joke for The Great Margaret Show.
30:21The heat wave striking New York City this week has led to piles of horse manure to spontaneously
30:27combust.
30:28So for the first time in history, you could explain why New York City smells like a flaming
30:34pile of horseshit.
30:35Oh, jeez.
30:39Only Margaret could have pulled that one out.
30:42Who wrote that?
30:43You?
30:45We let them write three jokes a week.
30:49My mom was a drug addict, so we had a lot of cookies that she had baked.
30:54But she, you know what her secret was?
30:56Love.
30:58Ecstasy induced love.
31:07Now you should read ahead on this one.
31:10But I think this would be a good joke for you.
31:13TBS.
31:14Well, you're not reading ahead.
31:15Oh.
31:19TBS is developing a notorious B.I.G. inspired comedy series, which I guess explains their
31:27new slogan, TBS fucking dog shit.
31:32I don't know.
31:33I don't know.
31:33I don't know.
31:34Sometimes you don't want to say that because then TBS will phone you and say, we're interested
31:38in what's that?
31:39You know?
31:43Oh, last week, Pope Francis paid a somber visit to Auschwitz, which surprised me because
31:50I thought he was one of those fun ghosts.
31:55Is he dead?
32:00I don't know.
32:01In my time, they died.
32:03They didn't retire.
32:06You know what I mean?
32:07Go back to their first love.
32:10Jesus.
32:14August 4th is the birthday of the great poet Percy Shelley.
32:19Do you like Shelley?
32:20I do.
32:20Yeah.
32:21Jazz great Louis Armstrong.
32:24Who doesn't like Louis Armstrong, huh?
32:26Well, not you, but it's not personal.
32:30It's the entire.
32:32There.
32:34No.
32:35In the day in 1882 that Lizzie Borden grabbed the ax and did her best Paul Bunyan impression,
32:44cleaving her father and stepmother's heads like hot grapefruits because their skulls were
32:50split with such precision.
32:52It is believed her parents were asleep and therefore didn't suffer.
32:57So they say.
33:05So anyways.
33:06Was that a joke?
33:12What about this?
33:13This is an actual joke.
33:15Okay.
33:16Technically.
33:17It would be proven to be a joke.
33:19I know I'm not the most attractive.
33:21When women look at me, I can tell they're.
33:23You know you're not the most attractive man in the world.
33:26I know I'm not the most attractive man in the world, but when women look at me.
33:30No, not but.
33:32As evidence.
33:33Oh, right, right.
33:33This is to support it.
33:35Yeah, this.
33:36I know I'm not the most attractive man in the world.
33:37I know I'm not the most attractive man in the world.
33:39As a matter of fact.
33:40When women look at me, I can tell they're overdressing me with their eyes.
33:46That's very good.
33:47Good.
33:48Good one.
33:49That's good.
33:51I don't like doing homeless guy jokes.
33:54Okay.
33:54Fuck those.
33:55You know what I mean?
33:58They really need to be made fun of, you know.
34:07You guys talk.
34:10Are you going to read all those jokes?
34:12Oh, no.
34:13Oh, no.
34:14These are just going to go into a pile for use.
34:17Didn't your cousin have trouble during the war on drugs?
34:22My cousin got a Purple Heart during the war on drugs.
34:25Well, that's good.
34:25After he tragically overdosed on cocaine.
34:28Uh-oh.
34:30Uh-oh.
34:34Uh-oh.
34:35Uh-oh.
34:36Uh-oh.
34:36Uh-oh.
34:36Uh-oh.
34:36Well, I don't know.
34:38I had a wild night last night before I was in an orgy.
34:42It was me, my iPad, my laptop, and TV while my phone watched.
34:47It's more of a comment, really.
34:49Yeah, that's more a comment.
34:51Commentary.
34:51Comment.
34:54You know, I was raised Catholic, and when people find out,
34:56they always assume there was some creepy priest involved,
34:59you know.
35:00But they never suspect a deacon.
35:12Were you raised in a broken home?
35:14I heard that from somebody.
35:16Yes, I was.
35:17That's true?
35:17I was raised in a broken home.
35:19My father was a drunk carpenter.
35:21Open it.
35:29That's why we got into the business, right?
35:32Jokes.
35:33Yeah.
35:34Yeah.
35:34Do you remember when you were a little girl,
35:35and were there any, who made you laugh,
35:39or anybody in movies that made you laugh?
35:41Oh, um, Flip Wilson.
35:42Flip Wilson show.
35:44By golly, I keep forgetting about him.
35:47Geraldine.
35:47Geraldine.
35:47God dang, we'd all do that.
35:49We'd do all the, you know, we'd do the elbows.
35:54And Luanda Page.
35:55And the high five.
35:56Oh.
35:56Luanda Page.
35:57Now, have you heard, you must have heard Luanda Page's albums.
36:01Mm-hmm.
36:02Where she's incredibly dirty.
36:03She's so dirty.
36:04She's so funny.
36:04Oh, my God.
36:06She's so great.
36:06I played it for you, right?
36:07She's fantastic, yeah.
36:08Dolomite.
36:09Oh, yeah.
36:09Yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:10He's incredible.
36:11Hilarious.
36:12Chubb Love, The Lover Man.
36:13And it's because those guys, they were playing in these illegal speakeasies anyway,
36:19so they could say whatever the hell they wanted.
36:21That's amazing.
36:22I did a movie with Dolomite before he died.
36:23Wow, really?
36:25What was it?
36:25Shaolin Dolomite?
36:26No, I was in Shaolin Dolomite.
36:28I was in this thing called Fake and the Funk, which was about a Chinese exchange student
36:33who gets dropped off in South Central today.
36:36Oh, yeah.
36:36It's a My Fair Lady, but with Dolomite.
36:40And so I learned to be part of the community.
36:43Well, I'd definitely be watching that.
36:45That's a good one.
36:45Yeah, that sounds awesome.
36:47It's really, really amazing.
36:48I'd definitely watch that.
36:49No, I'm dead serious.
36:50Can you get it to watch?
36:52Yeah.
36:52Gotta watch that.
36:54Yeah.
36:54I wrote a book.
36:55Yeah?
36:56Yeah.
36:56You wrote a book.
36:57Mm-hmm.
36:58Did you like the process of writing a book?
37:01I did.
37:01Yeah.
37:03I don't like it so much.
37:04No.
37:05How long did it take, you know?
37:06It took me a long time to write it.
37:08Yeah.
37:09I told them I could do it in a year.
37:12Mm-hmm.
37:13And then after three years, I threw everything away.
37:16And after three years-
37:18Threw it.
37:18And so I wouldn't rewrite any of it?
37:21Yeah.
37:21I burned it.
37:22You burned it.
37:23Burned the paper it was on.
37:25Mm-hmm.
37:25Yeah.
37:25I don't use a computer or anything.
37:27You just burned the paper.
37:29Burned all the paper so that I wouldn't be, you know, use any scraps of the little clever
37:35lines I had or anything like that.
37:48Mm-hmm.
37:49I didn't even citizenship.
37:49Oh, you haven't got that yet.
37:51I told them I had it.
37:54Okay.
37:55Good.
37:56I don't have it.
37:58And I need it.
37:59Mm-hmm.
37:59Or I can't win a National Book Award.
38:01Oh.
38:02Now.
38:02Now you need it.
38:03I need it, but it takes a long time.
38:05Okay.
38:06I thought it took a short time.
38:08Oh.
38:12I've never been on top of trends, I guess.
38:15You know, when everybody was burning CDs, I was still burning books.
38:20Were people burning CDs for a while?
38:22Yeah.
38:23Yeah.
38:23On their computers.
38:25Yeah, it was like making mixtapes.
38:27Yeah.
38:27You'd burn a CD.
38:29Huh.
38:31I heard about a terrible thing.
38:33You ever hear about the guy that burned the Koran?
38:37I heard about a guy.
38:39He made, on his computer, 1,000 different Word documents of the Koran, like PDFs.
38:45And he deleted all of them.
38:49Oh, it's like, oh.
38:59Anyways, we better take a break.
39:01But you were telling me before the show a story about a sad pizza that you knew?
39:11You were friends with a sad pizza?
39:14Yeah.
39:14How did you know that that pizza was so sad?
39:18I mean, have you heard of the sad pizza?
39:21No.
39:21It cuts itself.
39:22Oh.
39:24Oh.
39:26That is sad.
39:27Thank you for making us laugh for so long and for so long in the future.
39:33Adam Egan.
39:36Thanks for nothing.
39:37We'll be back next week.
39:40We'll be back next week.
39:43We'll be back next week.
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