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00:01There was an old wise man who I met in prison.
00:03Well he couldn't be that wise because he was in prison.
00:05But he warned me that the hardest thing about being locked up isn't the thought of where you are.
00:10It's the thought of where you're not.
00:12It's knowing that life outside is continuing on without you.
00:15And that the girl of your dreams is now the girl of some other prick's dreams.
00:19Linda is getting married to Gavin fucking Madigan.
00:23But after a lot of soul searching, I decided that I was going to be the bigger man.
00:27For better or worse, she was going to stay completely loyal and faithful to him for the rest of their
00:33entire life.
00:39Easy, mate. Looking good, kid.
00:42I hope it lashes rain on the way to the waiting and that the whole place is flooded.
00:46Oh yeah, well I see what you're saying.
00:48And then Gavin's driving along and his tire hits a puddle and he aqua-played.
00:52And he crashes and he's paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of his life.
00:55And he's to talk using one of those machines.
00:57Oh, I'm Gavin Madigan.
00:59And it's nice to meet you.
01:01Jesus, boy.
01:03He's a little bit dark, no?
01:04Oh, sorry.
01:05I thought that was the direction we're going.
01:07I hope he doesn't die, like, just gets bruised up a bit.
01:10You can draw the suits on.
01:11Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:11Oh, look at you. Don't you look lovely.
01:19Oh, I need a hook.
01:22What's this?
01:23Oh, Connor, for God's sake.
01:24They must have forgotten to take the tag off in the shop.
01:28We bothered him.
01:29You're on probation.
01:30Do you want to go back to jail?
01:31No.
01:33What do we do?
01:35Go on, get the good scissors quickly.
01:42Do you think it's a good idea you go into this wedding today?
01:44Linda invited me, like, so...
01:46Look, hon, I know this is hard to hear, but...
01:49You will find your someone.
01:51What if I've already found my someone...
01:53But I'm not her someone.
01:59What's this, stolen goods?
02:01Jesus Christ, Tony.
02:02Can you not be a guard for one day in your life?
02:04Mam and Healy were in that phase of their relationship
02:06all couples go through.
02:07Oh, I'll just go and seat an old soul, eh?
02:09The hating each other phase.
02:10Do you know what?
02:11That would be lovely.
02:12Because he probably wouldn't even recognise you at the moment.
02:14Healy was working a lot of triple overtime
02:16to pay for nappies and nipple cream.
02:18Alright, I'll just turn a blind eye to whatever it is
02:20I'm supposed to be turning a blind eye to.
02:22So will I?
02:23Jesus Christ.
02:23But deep down, love was still in the air.
02:26Wanker.
02:29Try that.
02:33Right.
02:34Thanks, Leigh's bag.
02:34No, no, no.
02:36Claire, listen.
02:37A second.
02:39What?
02:39Nothing.
02:48Is it noticeable?
02:49Eh, you'd have to be really looking for it.
02:52Yeah, they're after leaving the security tag on the blazer.
02:55Oh, God's sake.
02:56They're after doing the same to mine, Jack.
02:58There might be something else, no.
03:00Hand it over, Jack.
03:00Thanks for being in my head.
03:02Sure.
03:03Here, I've got to head over to Siobhan's there.
03:05I want to see Starr in the flower girl costume.
03:08Is this one of your unsupervised access days?
03:10I know, but something tells me
03:13Siobhan won't be ringing her solicitor today.
03:15Well, you know what they say about weddings.
03:17No.
03:18What do they make women horny, Leigh?
03:22It seems like they're doing nothing for me.
03:23Oh, fierce horny, Mireille.
03:25Yeah.
03:26If I'm going to get back with Siobhan,
03:27this is my big chance, Leigh.
03:28So wish me luck, yeah?
03:29All right, Jack.
03:30Go ahead.
03:30Good luck.
03:31Thanks.
03:32It's a randy day.
03:42Oh.
03:50Morning, girl.
03:56Morning.
03:58Jeez.
03:59You need to go.
04:00Now.
04:01I have.
04:02I have.
04:04I'm just saying.
04:07You can't go down there.
04:08You have to go to the window.
04:09The window?
04:10Yeah.
04:11Have you found that?
04:13What's wrong?
04:14I'm going.
04:15Okay, I'm going.
04:17Just go.
04:19I'm 40.
04:26I'm 40.
04:27And the painter man.
04:28Yeah, boy.
04:28I'm telling you.
04:29Are you sure?
04:30What do you mean, boy?
04:31Should I know his arse as well as I know my own face?
04:34Handsome once posed for an ad for hemorrhoid cream.
04:37The billboard company went bust,
04:38which meant the poster stayed up for three years
04:40and became one of Cock's biggest tourist attractions.
04:44Fair play to her, Leigh.
04:45What are you on about, Con?
04:46His name is Handsome Dan, Jack.
04:49He's gorgeous.
04:50Aye, you're not getting what I'm telling you.
04:52If she's shagging Handsome Dan the night before her wedding,
04:55it means she obviously doesn't want to marry Gavin Madigan.
04:57It's a proxy ride.
04:59Proxy ride?
05:00A proxy ride, okay?
05:02Yeah, sure.
05:03She might have gotten up and down,
05:05but she was thinking about you, boy, the whole time.
05:07Wait.
05:08Sure.
05:11She's thinking about me.
05:12Yes, you, boy.
05:13She's still in love with you.
05:15This was going to be my last chance to win Linda back.
05:18And what's more of a romantic place to do it
05:20than a wedding.
05:21Her wedding.
05:22Half a sausage just left your fork there, aren't I?
05:25Right.
05:25This sausage is going to sort me out now.
05:28She's sick.
05:29I'm done.
05:30Bart, take it away from me.
05:33Why'd you have that?
05:35To take her Auntie Linda into her dress.
05:37Don't want her tits spilling over when she's saying her I do's.
05:39Okay, girls, 40 minutes and we head to the church, eh?
05:41But we're not going to the church, remember?
05:43You know what I mean.
05:44It's a great idea Gavin's to have the wedding in the place
05:46where you two first met.
05:48He's too tight to spend his own money is what he's saying.
05:50Well, I think it's mad romantic.
05:52Let's try and get him even.
05:55I don't want one for mine.
05:56The other one in Shireleville.
06:01I don't want one for mine.
06:23The other one in Shireleville.
06:23Yeah.
06:24Honor has a question.
06:26Yeah.
06:28Well, I just wanted to ask...
06:29Have you sexual sex with Linda Walsh last night?
06:31Yeah.
06:32Yeah, mornow lads.
06:33Know yourselves.
06:34The gentleman never tells.
06:36If you did sleep with her,
06:38I just want you to know she was probably thinking of someone else the whole time.
06:41Yeah.
06:41Now that you say it, she actually did keep shouting out some other lad's name the whole night.
06:46Well, you should have heard her. She was all...
06:49Oh! Oh, Jesus Christ! Oh, Jesus Christ! Oh, Jesus Christ!
06:56Look, whatever happened between you and Linda, all right? She didn't love her kind, all right?
07:00And now she's going to marry some other fella.
07:02All right, cool. So what's with me, Lloyd?
07:04We want you to come to the wedding and tell Gavin Madigan that you slept with Linda.
07:07What, and humiliate her? Yeah?
07:09Yeah, yeah. And 20 of all of her friends and family?
07:11Yeah, if you don't mind.
07:13Do we, we should be ashamed of yourselves?
07:14Yeah.
07:15The answer's no. Let's get lost.
07:18I hate to admit it, but maybe Hanson was right.
07:21He was more than just a six-pack and a cute arse.
07:25Come on, wedding guests, please be seated in the Assembly Hall. Thank you.
07:29I'm getting married at school.
07:32Cheapest thing I've ever heard in my life.
07:33It's all garbage.
07:35It was time to bow out grace, William.
07:40It's all about a man won in the end, huh?
07:42It's not a competition, Lee.
07:44Of course it was a competition.
07:45And I wiped your eye for you.
07:49A wedding doesn't count if it's in a school.
07:52I think that's actually true, you know.
07:54Would you look at the state of them.
07:58Would you stop being such a snob?
08:00It's amazing what you can find in a charity shop if you're not fussy.
08:05One sec.
08:08I'm sorry.
08:09I'll make your eye.
08:12Siobhan would like you to sit next to her for the Mass.
08:15Really?
08:17What about...
08:18Don't mind what Barry thinks.
08:20As Linda said, you're a star's daddy, which makes you friendly.
08:25Yeah.
08:26Thanks.
08:26Man.
08:27All right, Khan.
08:29A smile wouldn't kill you.
08:31I don't want you to have a horny day.
08:39The rumour is this could be Father Rooney's last Mass.
08:42Supposed to be going through a crisis of faith.
08:46Yeah.
08:46Everything all right, Linda?
08:48Yeah.
08:49You're not thinking of jilting him at the altar, are you?
08:52It's just, you know, the reception's after costing me a fortune.
08:54Dad!
08:55It was a joke.
08:59He's a good man, Linda.
09:01Solid, you know.
09:03And the best thing about marrying a teacher, as your mother knows well,
09:06you can't be sacked.
09:07No matter how bad you are at your job.
09:10You know the way you love them spring rolls from the paddy field above the bishops town?
09:14Yeah.
09:14Well, there's nothing wrong with not wanting those spring rolls every night for the rest of your life.
09:19What?
09:20You've lost us.
09:21Last night?
09:22You fancied the spring rolls from Walk This Way in Tokar.
09:25And there's no shame in that.
09:28I'm gonna be sick.
09:30I'm gonna get sick.
09:36Siobhan, the caterer said the money is non-refundable.
09:39Piss off, guys!
09:41I'm good.
09:42I'm good.
09:44I'm fine.
09:46I'm fine.
09:47I'm fine.
09:47I'm fine.
09:47I'm fine.
09:48I'm fine.
09:49I'm fine.
09:49I'm fine.
09:49Oi.
09:50Try to control yourself from her saying the vows.
09:53The last thing we need on videos is to sound you blubbing your eyes out.
09:56Billy thinks weddings are like funerals.
09:59You can just turn up, pay your respects and get free booze and sandwiches.
10:04Billy?
10:05Why do you let him talk to you like that?
10:07I'm not letting him.
10:09It's his day, alright?
10:11Like he said, he won.
10:13Won?
10:13Is that what this is all about?
10:15Winning?
10:16I thought it was about love.
10:17Do you still love her?
10:18Of course I love her.
10:20But she doesn't love him.
10:23But she slept with handsome Dan Fogarty at the hen last night.
10:27She did what?
10:29Look, as much as I love a good vagabond, I think we're going to have to cancel this wedding.
10:33And how do you suppose we do that, Billy?
10:36We suppose we could drag handsome Dan in here and he can confess in front of the whole congregation.
10:40I tried that.
10:41He said no.
10:42I asked.
10:42That's your big mistake.
10:44You asked him.
10:46Are you okay?
10:48No, Billy.
10:49I'm really sad.
10:50Okay.
10:52God, he is so intense.
10:55Just don't let my heart laugh his feelings.
10:57That's the worst reason to get married.
10:59Especially when it's stopping you from getting what your heart really wants.
11:02He's a good person, Siobhan.
11:04If he's a good person, he'll understand that you want to go back to your first love.
11:10You're horrible to have said.
11:12Everything is paid for now.
11:14Stan?
11:15Are you ready to be a flower girl?
11:17Yay!
11:31You would have been on time if you hadn't stopped at every orange light.
11:35I am on time.
11:36We're here before the bride.
11:37Oh, yeah.
11:37Thanks to you.
11:39I can't believe you got overtaken by a mobility scooter.
11:42Could you maybe stop him crying?
11:44Oh, will I switch him to flight mode, will I?
11:45Just take him outside.
11:46Oh, maybe you should take him outside.
11:48Oh, Jesus.
11:58In you, Pop.
12:00Please, what...
12:00Look, I'm not going to hurt you.
12:03Fingers crossed.
12:04I'm just going to bring you to this wedding and you're going to tell everyone how you rode
12:07the bride last night.
12:09Right, just mind my ass going in.
12:11It's the money maker, alright?
12:13You're not claustrophobic, are you?
12:15No.
12:15No.
12:16You might be after this.
12:20Do you notice they all have the same tash?
12:23Yeah.
12:24They're like the three musketeers.
12:26Except there's four.
12:27They're always coming.
12:31Can we have a quick chat?
12:33A quick chat?
12:34A couple of words?
12:38Somewhere in private.
12:45Yeah.
12:51Listen.
12:55I don't want to say I'm sorry.
12:58For being such an asshole to you just now.
13:01Is this some sort of joke like?
13:02I was standing on the altar and it dawned on me that.
13:07I should be thanking you.
13:08For why?
13:10Because you'll be something I'll never be.
13:14it's Linda's first love and you know she said to me she wouldn't have fell in love with me
13:21if you didn't teach her to love in the first place. Linda, Linda said that?
13:27Would you do me a favour?
13:31Would you do the readings for us?
13:35I know it would mean a lot to Linda.
13:37Oh, Garvin, the whole thing.
13:45For the second time that day I realised that humiliating Linda in front of her family and friends
13:51might not be the right thing to do.
13:53Billy, I changed my mind.
13:58Careful now, I don't want to hurt you.
14:00Oh, here we go.
14:03I tell you something, you're going to get your steps in today.
14:16That's a really long car.
14:21What's that about?
14:23It's great.
14:25She's here.
14:28It's going to be okay.
14:30Oh, Jesus Christ.
14:45And remember, the least any of us deserve is to be happy.
14:48Thanks, Mom.
14:53Come on.
15:04Are they going to a community like this?
15:06What?
15:08What?
15:10I'll greet you.
15:17Oh, so great.
15:18I'll be like an earthly tremor forever and ever.
15:23First love, stay with you forever, ever.
15:27See you.
15:32Oh, I don't need it.
15:36The way to school, I tried to meet you.
15:40Your father used to drop you off.
15:57I know you're not used to me giving you advice.
16:01But you found your someone.
16:04I don't want you to mess it up like I did.
16:06First love, stay with you forever, ever.
16:09You should go get him.
16:13Not now.
16:15Go after him.
16:18We're gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Gavin Madigan, Linda Walsh.
16:25Great.
16:25Yeah, first reading.
16:27Who is for the first reading?
16:31First reading.
16:33Connor.
16:35Is it Connor?
16:36Are we Connor?
16:37Are you the first reading?
16:39Are we the first?
16:39Yeah, I know.
16:40And then...
16:41Come on.
16:42Come on.
16:43What's he doing?
16:44There he is, man.
16:45Come on.
16:45Here.
16:46Yeah.
16:47Okay.
16:50What?
16:51Yeah.
16:52Oh, yeah.
16:55Sorry, I'm not going to read the whole thing.
16:59Okay.
17:01Hey, Linda said you have a Mickey on your leg.
17:04You're barking up polos.
17:10And can you please get a move on?
17:12I'm playing golf at three.
17:13Public speaking isn't my strong point.
17:15But I was going to nail this.
17:17For Linda.
17:17The first reading.
17:19A reading from a book of...
17:23Sorry, the book.
17:24What's wrong with you?
17:25Come on, go in.
17:26You can't read, is it?
17:27I can read.
17:28I'm just a bit dyslexic.
17:29Well, just make it up and say anything.
17:34Do I speak with the tongues of men and of angels?
17:41Angels.
17:44But have not love, I have become brass and a resounding gong.
17:55He's a resounding gong all right.
18:03Kevin.
18:05What?
18:07Linda, I'm sorry.
18:08I wanted to be happy for Linda.
18:10But I can get a bit hormonal at weddings.
18:12And I have the tendency to mess with my decision-making process.
18:15But fuck it.
18:16Back to the old plan.
18:17It's okay now, there's going to be an answer from you.
18:20And it won't be me.
18:21And it won't be me.
18:22And it won't be me.
18:22Oh.
18:23Hello.
18:24Connor.
18:25Billy.
18:26I changed my mind again.
18:28Okay.
18:29Operation Handsome Hand Grenade is a go-go.
18:32No, no, no, no, no.
18:33Every other hour that I spend with you is not the beast.
18:36It's sad.
18:38Why, the opposite in Manhattan.
18:40If you don't believe me, here's the proof.
18:42Ask me if I can.
18:43I'll say aye.
18:44What?
18:44I do.
18:45Dan, Dan, Dan.
18:47Change your plan.
18:48Wind your head.
18:51And now, before Gavin and Linda make their solemn commitment to each other,
18:55they've written their own vows,
18:56which they're now going to recite to each other.
19:00I've got mine on my phone.
19:01Brilliant.
19:04Shit.
19:05What?
19:05It's asking for a software update.
19:08I'm after saying yes.
19:09Why, did you just print them out?
19:10I don't know.
19:12Do you know the one always saying we're living in a paperless world?
19:15Do you not, like, I don't know, remember them?
19:19Three guesses as to who's singing this.
19:21I don't know.
19:23No.
19:23Your man.
19:24No.
19:26Go on, have another guess.
19:27Is it Daniel actually?
19:28Gilbert O'Sullivan.
19:30He's actually from Waterford.
19:32What could it be?
19:34Woo!
19:35That's matrimony.
19:38It won't take long.
19:40Look, it's initialising.
19:46Where's Billy?
19:49Look at this prick with ears.
19:52There's nobody on the road.
19:56Look, come here.
19:57I've got somewhere I've got to be.
20:00Chop, chop.
20:00All right, lad.
20:01I'm only messing with you.
20:02Go on.
20:02Go ahead.
20:03In your own time.
20:09I'm sorry about this.
20:10It took me hours to ride him.
20:13And there's a little bit of something in there for everyone.
20:16Cries.
20:17Laughters.
20:18Zero car chasers, sir.
20:20Well, we're all on tender hooks, I'm sure.
20:22It's 80%.
20:24You'll be caught in the cave with the time we get there.
20:26Shut up, you.
20:29Steve McQueen.
20:30Fuck.
20:31All right, tell the therapist I said hello.
20:35What's happening, Shakespeare?
20:37It's the wheel of death.
20:38I think it's frozen.
20:39We're going to leave the vows.
20:41Well, that's ruined everyone's day, I'm sure.
20:44Right, let's zip through this.
20:45Right, Gavin, Jimmy, Barry, Madigan, do you take Linda Anastasia Walsh to be your lawfully
20:51wedded wife, sickness and health, up and down, deathly apart?
20:53I do.
20:54Great.
20:54Linda, do you take Gavin, lawfully wedded husband, sickness and health, rest your days?
20:59I...
21:05I...
21:05I...
21:05Say yes.
21:08What did she grab her, Steve?
21:12When I saw Linda's face, I realised the desperate lengths that love had driven me to.
21:17Oh, mother of God, who's this now?
21:20It's Dan Fogarty.
21:22He's a good-looking fella, isn't he?
21:24Yeah.
21:25Yeah, and he's got something to tell you.
21:27Wait, wait, wait, wait.
21:32Dime, you can go home.
21:34But I brought him for you, God.
21:36Are you the fella from the poster?
21:37What is he doing here?
21:39He had sex with the bride last night.
21:42He what?
21:43Fuck.
21:45No, he didn't.
21:47Sure, how could he?
21:48He was with me all night.
21:51God, playing cards, like, here.
21:54You don't have to lie for me, con.
21:57I'm so sorry, Gavin.
21:59Was it the full ride?
22:01Because I'm over the braction, I can forgive.
22:03I don't want your forgiveness.
22:06I...
22:06I don't want to marry you.
22:11I thought I did, but then I realised I wasn't being true to myself.
22:15And what I want more than anything in this whole world
22:19is to be with my first true love.
22:23You're not talking about that fucking lang ball, are you?
22:28Dolphins.
22:30Dolphins?
22:31Yeah.
22:32I want to go to UCC and study marine science.
22:35How are you going to say me there, Linda?
22:37Then I'm going to work with an NGO and clairs all the plastic from the Pacific Ocean.
22:41You really thought you were going to say me?
22:42I'm sorry.
22:43To both of you.
22:46But you're holding me back.
22:48Did anyone else think she was going to say me?
22:51Ah, right.
22:52Well, I'm teeing off at 3.30.
22:53Good luck.
22:55Sorry.
22:58Are you surreal?
23:00Well,
23:02it's the software update finished.
23:05You shouldn't need to worry about the nice things that I had to say,
23:07because
23:09it would be wasted on someone like you.
23:13They were all wrote by ChatGPT anyway.
23:23Hey.
23:30Look, I know you've been working really hard.
23:32Yeah, to provide for our child's future.
23:34I know what I'm saying.
23:35You don't have to.
23:37I've already raised a son.
23:38I did it by myself without a penny to my name.
23:40He turned out all right, didn't he?
23:42Yeah, is that the one who's just done three years in prison?
23:45That's a fair point.
23:48All I'm saying is,
23:49what kind of future is our little boy going to have
23:51if his mother and father are strangers to each other?
23:55I suppose it is a bit early to start thinking about which college to send him to.
24:01Keep him alive, show him love, that's the job.
24:04Everything else you just make up as you go along.
24:14Are we going to this wedding then?
24:16Oh, the wedding's off.
24:18It's off?
24:19Long story.
24:22Maybe you and me could go home while he's asleep.
24:27I guess it's true what they say about weddings.
24:40This is your fucking fault.
24:41Will you?
24:42Who's my fault?
24:43You're the one that told Billy to put an answer to the church.
24:45To the church?
24:45Boy, that's hardly a church.
24:46You were too stingy to have fought real with.
24:48Ah, she was ahead of your league anyway.
24:51I love you, Linda.
24:52I love you more.
24:57Out of his league, is it?
24:59Well, it's true.
25:00Hasn't he got a good job and isn't a poor man in it and pensionable?
25:03We pay for half of this wedding, all right?
25:04And you can sing for us.
25:06Oh, yeah.
25:06Claddle him back.
25:07Oh, right, claddle him back.
25:09Being married to a scout teacher isn't the end of everyone's rainbow, you know.
25:13Well, neither has been married to a slapper.
25:16Yes.
25:17You're never going to get married again, boy.
25:18I'll get married to myself.
25:19Yeah, is that right?
25:20Yeah?
25:20What?
25:20What?
25:21What?
25:22What?
25:27Oh, my God.
25:36Oh, my God.
25:44I'm going to fuck you, you know?
25:47What's this?
25:48What's this?
25:49What's this?
25:51What's this?
25:52What's this?
25:55I'm going to fuck you.
26:02What's this?
26:04What's this?
26:05We're doing stuff.
26:07Keep playing for Cork, but it keeps me dead.
26:09Come in and fuck!
26:11Stop!
26:17In the end,
26:19no one got what they wanted.
26:20Except for Linda.
26:22And Siobhan.
26:23The day didn't turn out the way any of us imagined it would.
26:27Except Jock was right what he said.
26:29Weddings really do make women horny.
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