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00:09Oh, my back! Oh, my God!
00:20Bacon!
00:21Oh, come on, bacon.
00:27I've defended my country my whole life.
00:29Please let me out this bacon.
00:34Something is definitely wrong.
00:35You know that the colonel thinks it's five minutes early. It's ten minutes late.
00:37I'm sure it's fine. It's only 8.03.
00:39It's 8.03?
00:41Oh, my God. He's probably dead. He's probably dead.
00:43I'm going to call him, right? I'll just check on him.
00:44Yeah. Just double check.
00:47Hello. No one is available.
00:48Of course, that went to the voicemail he's never set up.
00:51I'm going to go check on him.
00:53He's been putting a down payment on a heart attack for a while.
00:55Oh, last week he told me he was in his bacon era.
00:57I have been begging him to cut down to his lap every other day.
01:01Oh, my God, you're not dead.
01:06Just horribly injured.
01:09What happened?
01:10Come here. I've got something to tell you.
01:12Dad, Dad, I'm here.
01:14It's important.
01:15Yeah.
01:15Put the bacon in my mouth.
01:21No, floor bacon first.
01:24Floor bacon?
01:26I can't let the bacon win.
01:31Oh, yeah.
01:33Yeah.
02:00Rest up.
02:02It's doctor's orders.
02:03You know, you slip a couple of discs and all of a sudden the doctor is like at the top
02:06of the chain of command.
02:07Look, the base is in good hands.
02:09Shaw and I are going to hold it down until you're up on your feet.
02:11Let's get you set up with that World War II documentary you've been going on and on about.
02:16Unseen footage of American troops trashing Hitler's hideout.
02:18Just let the doctor order.
02:20I know.
02:20There you go.
02:20The bunker inside the bunker.
02:22Water, meds, anything else you need before I go.
02:24Now they're at the bunker.
02:25Do you need any more like...
02:27Shh.
02:27That's the door.
02:28They're opening the door.
02:28They're going to the bunker inside the bunker.
02:30Did I get you in?
02:30Shh.
02:30Oh, my God.
02:31These are the steps that lead down to the steps that lead down to the bunker inside the bunker.
02:37I'm going to rewind.
02:38Ow.
02:39Ow.
02:43Oh, hey.
02:43I didn't know that you were going to be here working.
02:45But that's cool.
02:46That's very cool.
02:46I'll just stick to my office.
02:47It's totally fine.
02:48You can work in here.
02:48Do you want to work in here?
02:49I'm good.
02:49I can go there.
02:50I can be anywhere.
02:51But we can work in the same room.
02:52I know that you didn't want to get romantically involved because you said it was unprofessional.
02:56And I respect that.
02:57So I'm cool.
02:58If you're cool, we could...
03:00That's great.
03:01Okay.
03:01That's great.
03:01Yeah.
03:02We're just going to keep it pro, you know?
03:04Keep it pro.
03:05Keeping it pro.
03:06We don't have to act on every feeling that we have.
03:07No, certainly not.
03:08I mean, if everyone did that, the world would be complete chaos.
03:11It would be murdering all the time.
03:12Yeah.
03:12Sex on the streets, right?
03:13I mean, I would be doing the murdering one.
03:15That's what I would be doing if I had the choice between the two.
03:18But we're just pros.
03:18Keeping it pro, so...
03:19Yep, yep, yep.
03:21All right.
03:29Oh.
03:30You want to...
03:31Well, you can...
03:32No, it's okay.
03:34My answer phone.
03:37Hello, Major Shah?
03:40Uh-huh.
03:41Yeah, okay.
03:42Uh-huh.
03:42Yep.
03:43Yep.
03:43Yep.
03:44Yeah.
03:45Uh-huh.
03:45Got it.
03:46Yes, I will be right out.
03:47Mm.
03:48Looks like there's a report of a landmine in a nearby farm field, so I should probably...
03:51Oh, is that the weird farmer?
03:52Shot that crank calls like twice a week.
03:54Last time we were there, you dug up sardine cans.
03:56Okay, yeah, yeah, but I probably should just go make sure.
03:58So, I'll assemble an UxO team to take over there, and you stay here.
04:02Um, adios, amiga!
04:03Okay.
04:05That was terrible.
04:06When locals find unexploded military devices, they call the Army.
04:10So, as the UxO team, we've been tasked with sweeping for landmines,
04:13at a local farm.
04:14Now, as someone with extensive landmine diffusal experience, I've worked with the best of the
04:18best.
04:18You know the team from the Hurt Locker?
04:19Mm-hmm.
04:20When they got scared, they came to us.
04:21And I've pretended to see that movie on so many dates.
04:24Okay, well, before we get into the nitty-gritty of it all, I assume you both read the training
04:27manual.
04:28Don't need a manual when you got a RuxO.
04:31A what?
04:32The robotic UxO.
04:33The latest and greatest in landmine detection technology, capable of using high-tech sonar
04:39to safely identify minds from every era of modern war.
04:43Also, he's cute as hell.
04:45I am RuxO.
04:46I am ready to serve.
04:47But I know what you're wondering.
04:48Can he dance?
04:49Wasn't wondering that.
04:50I can dance.
04:51I hacked his code.
04:52Five, six, seven, eight!
04:54I can dance.
04:56I can dance.
04:59That was really understatement.
05:01Turn that off now.
05:01Beep boop.
05:02Very good, RuxO.
05:03Great dancing.
05:04But you're otherwise useless.
05:05Because unexpected problems always arise.
05:08Things a robot isn't programmed to do.
05:10But I can make real-time adjustments in the field.
05:13Well, the army is ordering us to use RuxO in any landmine clearing, so...
05:19Okay, fine.
05:19We can bring private RuxO.
05:21Oh, actually, he's a major.
05:22Major?
05:23Same rank as me.
05:24That's great.
05:26I don't love that salute.
05:28Today we have the DFAC inventory check due.
05:31So if it's cool with you guys, and I'm so sorry to even ask you to do this,
05:34because I know how annoying it could be.
05:36And obviously let me know if it's too much,
05:38but it would be so, so awesome if you guys could handle that.
05:41And if any issues arise, obviously let me know,
05:43but I don't think that there will be.
05:45Would you guys be able to handle that?
05:47Sorry, what?
05:48You know what?
05:49I'm just going to do it.
05:51I will add that to my list.
05:55So what do I do with these performance reviews that the colonel asked me to file?
05:59The performance reviews of every soldier on the base?
06:02I will go ahead and take care of that as well.
06:04Yeah, absolutely.
06:04Get that off your plate.
06:06You're the best.
06:07Well, you guys are, well, dismissed.
06:11I'm going to go lay down.
06:12Okay.
06:13Bye, Gideon.
06:13Bye.
06:14All right.
06:15Let's see what the colonel has to say about me.
06:21All right.
06:22Captain Maggie Quinn.
06:25Standout officer.
06:28Soldiers under her command gave her exemplary marks,
06:30which proves that she is overly concerned with being liked.
06:38What?
06:41So what?
06:42We're supposed to just sit here and watch Wally work?
06:44Yeah.
06:45Yeah, that's a good idea.
06:45We should sit.
06:46We should sit down and relax.
06:50Unbelievable.
06:51Oh, Major Shop.
06:51Uh-huh.
06:52She's your butt?
06:53I'm good.
06:54Oh, Shop.
06:55Pop a squat.
06:56I'm going to be standing.
06:57Okay.
06:58Oh, that's weird.
07:00Our hero seems to be stuck in the mud.
07:03Help.
07:04Help.
07:05Help.
07:05That's funny.
07:06Help.
07:06Ruxo is stuck in the mud.
07:08You know who's never been stuck in the mud?
07:09Me.
07:09Human me.
07:10For a human?
07:11You're not having much compassion right now.
07:13Imagine how scared he is out there.
07:14What are we going to do?
07:16We can't leave a man behind.
07:17That's like the one thing I know about the military.
07:19It's not a man.
07:20It's a machine that we're going to be throwing away in the scrapyard very soon.
07:23Hello.
07:24Is this a 700-second EOD company?
07:25I don't know.
07:26Great.
07:26This is Major Abraham Shaw with USAG Stroopstorff.
07:29The robot that you're trying to replace me with is disabled in the field.
07:33Help me.
07:34Help me.
07:34Uh-huh.
07:35Okay.
07:36Yeah.
07:37Mm-hmm.
07:37Yes.
07:38No, thank you, sir.
07:40Okay, so apparently Ruxo cost $2 million, and I have been ordered to rescue him because
07:44his life is worth more than mine.
07:45Oh, you said him.
07:48That was so cute.
08:00Hello, Father.
08:01You scared me.
08:01I almost grabbed my couch pistol.
08:03Just checking to see if you need anything.
08:06Maybe water, perhaps?
08:07Yeah, that'd be great, hon.
08:08Thanks.
08:09It's important to stay hydrated.
08:11Yeah.
08:13I can't.
08:15Why don't I fluff that pillow?
08:21Okay.
08:22Hmm.
08:23Make sure you're comfortable.
08:24Yep.
08:25Ow!
08:25Ow!
08:26Ow!
08:26Ow!
08:27Ow!
08:29Ow!
08:29Ow!
08:29Ow!
08:29Ow!
08:29Ow!
08:31Is that better?
08:32Why are you going all full Kathy Bates and misery on me?
08:37Ow!
08:38I'm just being a little bit of a jerk.
08:40Ow!
08:40I don't care about who you liked.
08:44You read your review.
08:45I read my review.
08:46That's classified.
08:47Ow!
08:48Ow!
08:48Coming from the man who said classified?
08:50More like assified.
08:51Your problem is that you hem and haw when you're supposed to be giving a direct order because
08:55you're afraid about your soldiers' healings.
08:57Feelings are a real thing and they don't need air quotes.
09:00And I happen to believe that a relaxed workplace is a productive workplace.
09:05Are you an army captain?
09:06Or the manager of a margaritaville?
09:08The people who work for you are not supposed to like you.
09:10Yes.
09:10They're supposed to hate you because you're the boss.
09:12Okay?
09:12Plus it's fun to be mean.
09:13You know what?
09:15You're right.
09:16What do you mean?
09:17Watch this.
09:19What the hell is that?
09:21Enjoy Real Housewives of Minnesota.
09:23Oh, no, no, no.
09:24No.
09:25These people, their accents are going to sound even stupider when they're drunk.
09:30No!
09:35Okay, Ruxo.
09:37Help's on its way.
09:38Stay strong, Ruxo.
09:39Maybe Sean looks like a ninja turtle that let himself go.
09:42What?
09:43Oh, I said you look like a ninja turtle that's let himself go, sir.
09:47You do, Major.
09:49You do.
09:50Approaching the extraction point.
09:51Help me.
09:52Don't worry, Ruxo.
09:53Stepdaddy Sean is coming to save you.
09:55Help me.
09:55Okay, Ruxo, stop moving backwards.
09:58Advance towards me.
10:00I can't dance.
10:01I said advance.
10:02I can't dance.
10:04I said advance.
10:05I can't dance.
10:05Listen to my words.
10:06You need to come towards me.
10:07Advance.
10:08Warning, landmine detected.
10:10Okay.
10:12Warning, landmine detected.
10:14Hey, guys.
10:14Hey, did Ruxo lie in the mood with a funny joke?
10:16Yeah, we saw y'all dancing.
10:18He's so funny, right?
10:19I'm on a landmine.
10:21Warning, landmine detected.
10:23I know!
10:25Specialist Gideon, you don't think I care too much about being liked, do you?
10:28This feels like a trap.
10:30Oh, no.
10:31I just want your honest feedback.
10:34Well, yeah, you do care too much about being liked.
10:37Okay.
10:39I appreciate that.
10:40I know it's hard to talk to a superior officer.
10:42Actually, since you asked, you wear too much deodorant.
10:45You slouch when you sit.
10:47Your taste in music is super dated.
10:49When you sing, there's no joy in your handwriting.
10:51It's super bubbly and immature.
10:53Okay, that's great.
10:54Thank you, Gideon.
10:56None of that was devastating.
10:57And you are dismissed.
10:58I need you to call Maggie, but don't tell her I'm in danger.
11:01I don't want to worry her.
11:02Just play it cool.
11:04But I don't want you to die.
11:05I don't want to see someone explode.
11:08Not again.
11:09Look, I don't want to die either.
11:10Just play it cool.
11:11That is an order.
11:13Okay.
11:17Captain Quinn.
11:18Hey, girl.
11:19How's my queen?
11:21I'm fine.
11:22What's up?
11:22So?
11:23Not an emergency.
11:25Yeah, we just found a landmine.
11:27Okay, but Shaw can defuse it.
11:29Shaw told me to call you.
11:31He said the landmine's from the World War II era.
11:33We need an expert in weaponry from that time.
11:35Do you know anybody?
11:37The T-30 heavy tank was designed to counter the German Tiger I and Tiger II.
11:43What is it, the T-29, you morons?
11:45I've got to fact check everybody.
11:48No, no one's coming to mind.
11:50But I will find somebody for you guys.
11:52Well, I mean, take your time.
11:53Just grab some food if you want.
11:55Maybe some sushi and some cold ones.
11:58Okay, girl.
11:58Bye.
11:59Why would you tell her to stop for beers?
12:01I don't know.
12:03Shaw told me to play it cool.
12:04And I'm freaking out.
12:07Hold on, Shaw.
12:08Help is on the way.
12:10And they're bringing beer.
12:14I am ready to serve.
12:15Beer.
12:18Dietrich, this is Maggie, Maggie, Dietrich.
12:20Yeah, and thank you so much for bringing your great uncle in to help us out.
12:23My absolute pleasure.
12:25You know, he has big time World War II knowledge because he's old and he lived it.
12:29Yeah, I've even had to do with landmines.
12:33No, wait.
12:34He dealt first hand with the landmines.
12:36I'm so sorry to hear that.
12:38Did you lose somebody to a mine?
12:41No.
12:42Nee, hoor.
12:43Maar als jongen heb ik ze zelf gerecht.
12:46Okay, so when he was a boy, he helped place the landmines himself.
12:52Is there any chance your great uncle is a little Nazi collaborator?
12:56You know, I have never asked.
12:58He's your last.
12:59Okay.
13:00Uh, Dietrich?
13:01Hm?
13:02Was JN Nazi superfan?
13:04Ja.
13:05Okay.
13:06Ik wilde dat ze me aardig vonden, omdat ze de goede chocolade hadden.
13:11Okay, so yes, basically, he wanted the Nazis to like him.
13:13He wanted the Nazis to like him.
13:15Yeah, because they had a good chocolate, you know.
13:17Ja.
13:17Uh, Jan, you can ask your great uncle to get off the base and never, ever, ever come back.
13:24Dietrich, kom.
13:25Let's get you some chocolate.
13:27Ah, oh.
13:28The extra sugar not a good chocolate.
13:29Yeah.
13:30Yeah, I got it so sorry about you.
13:33Hey.
13:34Hey, listen.
13:35After hanging out with a man who was once a boy who helped a Nazi, I am realizing the perils
13:40of needing to be liked.
13:42Tale as old as time.
13:43And you are going to help me disarm a World War II landmine.
13:47That's how you give an order.
13:49That's how you give an order.
13:50Okay.
13:50I like it.
13:50Let's roll.
13:51And when I say let's roll, I mean I'm going to roll over and the adrenaline's going to
13:55kick in and I'm going to stand up and go.
14:03No adrenaline.
14:04Oh, my God.
14:05We're going to make it a FaceTime, okay?
14:06Okay.
14:06Excuse me.
14:08In my own life, I am always cautious.
14:11I mean, I literally ran away from the woman that I love.
14:14And that's why I'm standing here right now.
14:16I mean, I played it safe once again.
14:18And now I am about to die.
14:21Warning.
14:22Landmine detected.
14:23You said it, brother.
14:24Shaw!
14:24Maggie's here!
14:25It's going to be okay now!
14:27Hey.
14:27Dad, can you, uh, you see?
14:29Maggie, I can't hear you.
14:31You're on mute.
14:31Maggie!
14:32Oh, wait.
14:33My volume was off.
14:34Yep.
14:35All right.
14:35Thank God you're here.
14:36Yeah.
14:36I'm trying to think of a cool way to say this.
14:39So, Shaw is standing on the landmine.
14:42Shaw is on the landmine.
14:44Shaw!
14:45Don't move!
14:46Trust me!
14:47I won't!
14:48Okay.
14:49I can dance.
14:50I can dance.
14:52Rexall was more of a dancer than an emergency responder.
14:55No shade to Rexall.
14:56Oh, no, no, not at all.
14:57We need more artists in the world.
14:59Now more than ever.
15:01Shaw!
15:01I'm coming!
15:02Maggie, what are you doing?
15:03Maggie, we can't let you go out there!
15:06Oh, my God.
15:06Is that what we should have done?
15:07Should we have done that?
15:08I mean, I'm holding the walkie.
15:17Hi.
15:19Hi.
15:22I'm, I'm, I'm, I want to make sure you're okay.
15:25Maggie, what the hell are you thinking?
15:28Yeah.
15:29And I'm muting.
15:30Guys, I can't see anything.
15:32What's going on?
15:33Okay, so, how do we, um, get, get you?
15:35Listen, I've been doing a lot of thinking out here.
15:38And Ruxa was a very good listener.
15:41I've played it safe my whole life.
15:42And I still ended up right here, about to explode.
15:46And while I've been standing on this landmine, the only thing that is going through my head
15:50over and over again is that I never got a chance to do this.
16:06I want to stay like this forever.
16:08We probably should.
16:10Because any more movement on top of this landmine is not a good idea.
16:14Landmine.
16:15Landmine.
16:15Landmine.
16:16Okay.
16:16Okay.
16:17Okay.
16:17Dad, we need you.
16:18There you are.
16:19Listen, Sha, we just need to know what kind of a mine we're dealing with, so when you stepped
16:23on it, to make a tick-tick sound, or a ker-ker-ker, or a click-clack.
16:29A click-clack.
16:29Ah, okay.
16:30Dealing with a German teller mine.
16:32You're lucky it wasn't a bouncing Betty, which they used at the beginning of the war,
16:35like in the Sauer Offensive, and then they used it again at the...
16:37Shut up!
16:38Tell us what to do with this mine!
16:40You're really only being a jerk.
16:42I like it.
16:42Get to the point!
16:46All right, OXO team, listen up.
16:48This is big time.
16:49I need absolute perfection from you, or else this could end in disaster.
16:54Do you understand me?
16:55Sure.
16:56I said, do you understand me?
16:58Yes, ma'am!
16:59The roder she is, the more I want to listen to her.
17:01Me too.
17:02Now, with this era of mine, you've got to dig around the plate perimeter.
17:05And I'm going to stabilize Shaw to make sure he doesn't shift off the mine.
17:11Yeah.
17:12You know, that's not really necessary.
17:13Okay, well, you're not here, so...
17:16Okay.
17:17Okay, almost there.
17:17River exposed.
17:19All right, and I've got mud on my hands, but I don't care.
17:21I'm working through it.
17:22Good.
17:23Now, you loosen that hinge, and you cut the red wire.
17:29Cut the red wire.
17:30Yep.
17:31My life is a movie.
17:32I am the hero.
17:34Now I'm going to get the girl.
17:35I better not be the girl.
17:36Okay, back in the movie.
17:37Back in the movie, okay.
17:38Red wire.
17:44Okay.
17:44Good.
17:45Okay.
17:45Now.
17:48Yeah.
17:50Ready?
17:53Good.
18:00No!
18:03No!
18:04No!
18:07Hey, stop jumping, guys.
18:09Stop jumping.
18:10Oh, he's right, he's right, he's right, he's right.
18:12No jumping.
18:12Okay, no more jumping.
18:13Yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:14How about that?
18:16Sucker was a dud the whole time.
18:19Oh, look at Ruxo stretching his legs.
18:20Now he's out of the mood.
18:21I can't believe we were freaking out.
18:23There was no danger.
18:26Oh!
18:29Oh!
18:32Oh!
18:33Yeah, I'm leaving the Ruxo team.
18:36Oh, oh!
18:37Oh!
18:39Oh!
18:43Wow, I mean, so much for Minnesota Nights.
18:46I know, right?
18:47I mean, these housewives are vicious.
18:49The last episode?
18:50Nora bit Lainey.
18:52Bit?
18:52Bitter.
18:53Twice.
18:53Aw, I like Lainey.
18:55It's awesome, I love it.
18:55Hey, listen, hey, I already said this once today, but you were right.
18:59I was too worried about needing to be liked, and I actually am feeling myself as a leader.
19:05Good.
19:05You're my kid, so you're inherently better than other people.
19:08You shouldn't be tiptoeing around that fact.
19:10Just kick ass, take names.
19:11And just be a jerk to everybody but you.
19:14No, you're good.
19:14There we go.
19:15Yeah, I can do that.
19:16That's you.
19:19Yep.
19:41Okay.
19:44Ruxo, when I first met you, I thought you were a glorified Roomba.
19:49I was wrong.
19:50You were a good friend in my time of need.
19:53Changed my life.
19:56For this, I am forever indebted to you.
20:01I can't dance.
20:04Yeah, you can.
20:05And he'll dance in robot heaven.
20:08You bet he will.
20:09Yeah, he will.
20:09And now, Ruxo will be laid to rest in a place of honor.
20:14The good dumpster.
20:15The one that doesn't smell as bad.
20:20The one that doesn't smell as bad.
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