Come the Revolution. (1977)

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 25th October 1977.  Mike and his commune have a performance of their musical theatre "Diver" at the local pub, and ITV's Beth Bailey is coming along to see it.  Richard O'Callaghan - Mike Deborah Fallender - Stevie John Telfer - Roy Warwick Evans - Den Myrna Stevens - Naomi Colin Bell - Andy Derek Smith - Arthur Hammond Vivian Pickles - Beth Bailey Kenneth Colley - Bruce Tetley Roger Avon - Chauffeur Jumoke Debayo - Lavatory Attendant Tim Brown - Student Anne Orwin - Student Les Davidov - Student Tamar Cooper - Student Joan Ryan - Middle-aged couple Peter Cartwright - Middle-aged couple Diana Bishop - Mrs Puttock Daryl Webster - Dorothy Alan Downer - Chief Inspector Rob Inglis - Landlord Anthony Higginson - Television Interviewer (as Antony Higginson) Terence Davies - Welsh Miner Michael Halsey - Welsh Miner Stephen Phillips - Welsh Miner Harry Walker - Welsh Miner The Ambrosian Singers - Singers( as Ambrosian Singers) John McCarthy - Chorus Master

Transcript

00:00:13I need to laugh when the sun is out

00:00:18I've got something I can laugh about

00:00:23I feel good in a special way

00:00:27I feel love and it's a sunny day

00:00:30Good day sunshine

00:00:33Good day sunshine

00:00:37Good day sunshine

00:00:41We take a walk

00:00:43The sun is shining down

00:00:46Push my feet as they touch the ground

00:00:57Good day sunshine

00:01:00Good day sunshine

00:01:05Good day sunshine

00:01:08And then we lie beneath the shaded tree

00:01:13I love her and she's loving me

00:01:17She feels good

00:01:18She knows she's looking fine

00:01:20I'm so proud to know that I live

00:01:24Good day sunshine

00:01:27Good day sunshine

00:01:31Good day sunshine

00:01:35Good day sunshine

00:01:49Youthful, talented, pertinent, crazy, hilarious, shocking, tuneful, committed

00:01:55That's it

00:02:24I love it

00:02:37She won't come

00:02:38I know she won't

00:02:40I bet she does

00:02:41No

00:02:42Her roles will break down

00:02:44You'll see

00:02:45What roles?

00:02:46She hasn't got no roles

00:02:47I saw her in one once

00:02:48Publicity, some TV thing, not hers

00:02:51Perhaps

00:02:53Perhaps

00:02:55Beth Bailey will come

00:02:56She promised

00:02:57I'm going to believe her when I see her

00:02:59And I may not even then

00:03:03What's the matter with you, Stevie?

00:03:04Don't you want her to come?

00:03:05I think Beth Bailey's wonderful

00:03:08Amazing

00:03:09Very nice

00:03:11You don't want her to come, do you?

00:03:12I can tell

00:03:13Why not?

00:03:14What have you got against her?

00:03:16Look, Stevie, we've all of us got enough class enemies without you...

00:03:19Mike, the group got her together yesterday for the first time

00:03:22Yesterday, Diver was all right

00:03:26Yeah

00:03:28That's why it's so great that Beth's coming up to see it today

00:03:31Yeah, I suppose so

00:03:33Mind you, I'm not saying that it isn't very worrying, too

00:03:35Is it?

00:03:37Well, it does all fall back on me, doesn't it, as director of the Plumber's Mates

00:03:40What falls back on you?

00:03:43Well, the whole bloody thing, today's performance for Beth

00:03:47I mean, like we all know, the company peaked yesterday

00:03:50Three years of hard graft, commitment, sweat

00:03:54And suddenly...

00:03:55You sound like Winston Churchill

00:03:58No

00:04:00Anyway, look, suddenly, the rump

00:04:02We've got fusion, cohesion, implosion, explosion

00:04:06We came a blinder, activist people's theatre

00:04:10Organic socialism with love on board

00:04:12It's beautiful

00:04:14And when I think how we started out with all that enclosed bourgeois, intellectual student crap

00:04:19But we were bourgeois, Mike

00:04:21You were?

00:04:23So were you

00:04:24You wore blazers as a student and a rolled umbrella

00:04:27In fact, that's beside the point

00:04:28All I was saying was that today's show is going to be difficult because we'll all be remembering yesterday's

00:04:33Trying to repeat it, do what we did yesterday again

00:04:35And it'll be disaster unless we...

00:04:38I mean, I've got to push us into finding new motivations and new objectives

00:04:43As director, I have got to get us to reinvent Diver as if we'd never performed it before

00:04:48Make it new

00:04:49And that's what I mean about it all falling back on me

00:04:53Nothing fails like...

00:04:55Oh, God, I'm not going to say it

00:04:57Listen, Diver was fine and it's going to be all right again

00:05:00Yeah, sure, provided I put the boot in as director

00:05:03Well, that's what you're for, we're used to it

00:05:07Hey, you know that bloke from the Times yesterday?

00:05:10I liked him, I've never known a critic so open and friendly

00:05:13Yeah, and lunch for him after cost us all of ten quid

00:05:16Well, who insisted on being posh?

00:05:18Well, some things you have to do professionally

00:05:19But he did offer to pay

00:05:20I know he did, but he didn't have to have starters and...

00:05:23Mike, you're never satisfied, the reviews will be fine, you'll see

00:05:26I never read the reviews on principle, you know that

00:05:30It's incredible

00:05:31Don't you have a knock, Den?

00:05:33I thought we was communal

00:05:34We are, aren't we?

00:05:35Listen, you won't believe the reviews are fantastic

00:05:37What the locals are, listen to this

00:05:40Diver, the best entertainment scene in the town since Boys in the Band

00:05:45Boys in the... oh

00:05:46Yeah, how's about that?

00:05:48Come on, let's see them, he doesn't read reviews

00:05:50Oh, yeah, but he always knows what they've said, doesn't he?

00:05:53Yes, well, that's his intent now

00:05:56Time's all right

00:05:57Well, well, it's sort of mixed, you know

00:05:59It isn't

00:05:59Well, you know

00:06:00Oh, I don't believe it

00:06:01Yeah, but the locals love it, I mean, look

00:06:03Oh, well, that's what counts with me, the local people

00:06:05They're our real audience, Den

00:06:06Who gives a sod what the London hyenas say?

00:06:09They're all fascists, anyway

00:06:10That's just what I said

00:06:12Diver, the latest lunchtime offering of a gallant little leftist theatre group

00:06:17The Plumber's Mates

00:06:19Suffers from an inability to make up its tiny collective mind

00:06:23I don't want to hear any more

00:06:25This episodic story of a Midland youth called Johnny Diver Sick

00:06:30What's sick?

00:06:31How do you spell it?

00:06:32S-O-I-C

00:06:32Yeah, that puzzled me at all

00:06:34Do you reckon he left the K off or something?

00:06:36No, it's his elitist way of saying that the name's a rip-off

00:06:39Well, of course it bloody well is

00:06:40I mean, for crying out loud, we're all in debt to burke-brecht

00:06:43So it's like what the French call an homage

00:06:45You know, in films, like when Truffaut rips off Hitchcock or somebody

00:06:49I meant it to be

00:06:50You could have fooled me

00:06:53Here

00:06:54We're dead international, aren't we?

00:06:56See, and on top of that, it's an ordinary name because it's an everyman play

00:06:59Couldn't he see that?

00:07:00Oh

00:07:00Oh, forget it

00:07:02Look, come on, Stephen, we're going to be late for rehearsal

00:07:05Well, come in

00:07:07There you are, Dan, you see, there are some people who think there's an essential privacy to be respected

00:07:11even in an integrated group situation

00:07:13Come in, Roy

00:07:14I'm taking no notice of him, he's like this because Beth Bailey's coming

00:07:17Oh

00:07:19Okay, if I get down early, Mike, I want to read the street battle to take

00:07:22Yeah, sure, we're all coming anyway, once Steve is dressed

00:07:24Yeah, it was a bit rough yesterday, I wouldn't like Beth Bailey to here in his present condition

00:07:28Is she really coming?

00:07:30Yes

00:07:31What does she want us to do for her?

00:07:32Bellevue, Manchester, Sunday

00:07:34Diver?

00:07:35That's it

00:07:35Hey, that's the Northern AGW, your rally

00:07:38Wow

00:07:38Beth said it's the flashpoint

00:07:40Well, I've never known her to say otherwise

00:07:42Every big union rally is going to be the start of the revolution

00:07:45Yeah, well, some people have real faith

00:07:48Yeah, well, some people can afford to with ITV paying them

00:07:51Yeah, that's the wonderful thing about Beth Bailey, don't you agree?

00:07:54I mean, as a staff, you manipulates all those big TV companies for the cause

00:07:57Yeah, every time, I do agree, Roy

00:07:59Yeah, yeah, imagine

00:08:00You sign up to appear in all those fascist escapees crap

00:08:03And then give all the money to us, eh?

00:08:06Of us

00:08:06She gave us exactly £7.50 when we started

00:08:09Oh, yeah, but we was grateful, weren't we?

00:08:11Look, I must go

00:08:12Cheers

00:08:13Yeah

00:08:15Hey, it's Steve, isn't my day for the bike?

00:08:17I thought you used it yesterday

00:08:18So, you've got the van?

00:08:19No, I only took it

00:08:20He and Naomi have gone down to Ollie's Emporium

00:08:22They're doing us a curry tonight, eh, sir?

00:08:24Well, they'd better be on bloody time for rehearsals

00:08:26I've got a lot of notes for Andy

00:08:28Andy?

00:08:29Late?

00:08:30Huh!

00:08:31I mean, he is so professional

00:08:33Oh, eh, he's amazing, really

00:08:36Not just as an actor, I mean, as a bloke

00:08:39Well, I think he's a diamond

00:08:41Hey, hey, can I come with you?

00:08:43Yeah, if you like

00:08:43Yeah, but that means Stevie and I are going to have to walk

00:08:46I don't mind, it'll do us good

00:08:47And Mike can use the exercise to work out his hang-up about personal property

00:08:52As director, I need efficient transport for the good of the group

00:08:56Well, legs are efficient, look at Mike

00:09:00Sorry, Den, that was a reactionary reaction

00:09:03Oh, sorry, just came out

00:09:06Like your nice leg

00:09:08Never mind, love

00:09:10Oh, it's flipping hard living and working with us, isn't it?

00:09:14I'll never know if I've said the proper thing or not

00:09:16Usually I haven't

00:09:19Are you serious about me being a male chauvinist capitalist pig

00:09:22Just for liking your leg, Stevie?

00:09:23Yes

00:09:24Oh, yeah, well, you would say that

00:09:25Because you reckon it's your leg, don't you?

00:09:27It's that property thing again

00:09:29Den, hello

00:09:30Are you coming?

00:09:31Oh, sorry

00:09:34I don't reckon I'll ever get my socialist subtext right

00:09:37Even though my old man always voted Labour

00:09:40Still does

00:09:41You're like, aren't you?

00:09:42I want to be

00:09:43Learn your lines and line the furniture

00:09:45Well, we don't use any furniture in our shows, do we?

00:09:48It is root theatre

00:09:49Well, that's what Mike says

00:09:51Here, have you seen the reviews?

00:09:53No

00:09:54They are amazing

00:10:00The purse's quite nice about us, isn't it?

00:10:02Yeah, I was reading the football

00:10:04Well, I'll say one thing for you, Mike

00:10:06I think you're a real worker

00:10:49Prototype pinch of the social security last week, didn't I tell you?

00:10:52No

00:10:52No, this chap in front of me

00:10:53Oh, Ryan

00:10:55Mr. O'Neill

00:10:56Oh, oh, Ryan

00:10:57Oh, that's funny

00:10:58I've got O'Neill down here

00:10:59It's just the lady Clark

00:11:00Oh, no, lady

00:11:01I'm O'Neill to them buggers down the national insurance

00:11:03But I'm all right

00:11:04You stinking lot up here

00:11:06Big Irish grin

00:11:07Do you use two identities, Mr. O'Neill?

00:11:10I don't know who you're talking to, lady

00:11:12Kindly make yourself clear

00:11:13He was referred to the supervisor

00:11:15Hold on a minute

00:11:15You draw a social security?

00:11:17Of course

00:11:18My stamps ran out six weeks ago

00:11:20Can you really do that when you're employed here?

00:11:22Ah, technical correction, Amy

00:11:23We draw subsistence here

00:11:24The punters' mates can't afford to pay wages

00:11:26Oh, I thought mine was wages

00:11:29Then why can Stevie draw social security?

00:11:32Mm-hmm

00:11:33They didn't tell me about it

00:11:35No, I dare say

00:11:36They reckoned it's something you'd suss out pretty quickly for yourself

00:11:38But isn't it illegal?

00:11:39You'll get subsistence here

00:11:41Then more

00:11:41My dear Naomi

00:11:42We live in what is called a mixed economy

00:11:45The answer is to mix it

00:11:46Okay, okay, everybody

00:11:47Moves first

00:11:48Then I want to go over that force first

00:11:49That Johnny Diver

00:11:50You cooked up yesterday

00:11:51Then we do a run of the whole show

00:11:52Come on

00:11:53Come on

00:11:54Come on

00:11:55Morning, Squire

00:11:56I hear you took the van

00:11:57Yeah, yeah

00:11:58It's loaded to its painted eyeballs

00:11:59With yoghurt, cod and cucumber

00:12:01Oh, not to mention fellow grief and poppadoms

00:12:04Tonight we are going to have

00:12:05Kebab by Ye Baker

00:12:06Otherwise known as

00:12:08Poisson au curry à la haine

00:12:09Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum

00:12:10Come on, kids

00:12:11Right, Dan

00:12:12I just want a supply

00:12:12Yes, come in

00:12:14Dan

00:12:14Hmm?

00:12:15Do you go social security?

00:12:17No, me, I'll get the doll

00:12:18I still go stamps from ASM at a Ramsgate

00:12:20Oh

00:12:21Is that you?

00:12:22Right, to kick off

00:12:24Now I don't know who's seen the reviews

00:12:26I haven't, for a start

00:12:27But I gather that the locals loved us

00:12:29And that that fellow travelling fifth columnist from the Times didn't

00:12:33Okay, I don't care

00:12:34And I'm not surprised

00:12:36Den

00:12:36What?

00:12:37Sorry

00:12:39The real fact is that the show yesterday was all right

00:12:43And that worries me a lot

00:12:44Because any kind of success is going to be a big test of our cohesion and integrity as a committed

00:12:49group

00:12:50From here on in, it is living politics, kiddos

00:12:53What if the Morning Star send nobody?

00:12:55We weren't covered by the Tribune or the New Statesmen

00:12:57Yeah, but we made a tactical error telling you to post off tickets to them, Dan

00:13:00I mean, they're out of touch with the real front, that's all

00:13:03They think the confrontation's all in London

00:13:04And spend their time covering the revisionist eunuchs at the Royal Court and the ICA

00:13:08Ahem, noobs

00:13:09We are here for noobs

00:13:11Listen, listen

00:13:12The Midlands Arts Manifesto gave us a bloody good plug

00:13:14It was a sort of a

00:13:15Shh

00:13:15What?

00:13:16Mike wrote that

00:13:18What, like propaganda?

00:13:19Oh, dang

00:13:20Sorry, mate

00:13:21Nice one in the manifesto, eh?

00:13:23Right

00:13:24Now, because we got it together yesterday means that today, especially with Beth Bailey coming

00:13:29We'll all be trying to repeat the effects to get the results we got yesterday

00:13:33Well, we mustn't do that

00:13:35Now, each one of us has got to find new springboards for every single thing he does on stage

00:13:39He?

00:13:41Includes she, of course

00:13:42That is understood, isn't it?

00:13:43Does it?

00:13:44It seems to me even English grammar's sexist

00:13:46Look, can we get on, please?

00:13:47Right

00:13:49Now then, from the top, yes

00:13:50Steve, Naomi

00:13:51Naomi

00:13:53You missed your entry at the beginning of the fourth verse of the opening number

00:13:56Yes, I know

00:13:57Andy did something different on the guitar

00:14:00Well, so he improvised

00:14:01I mean, it was nice

00:14:02As a company, we're into improvisation

00:14:04I know, but it threw me

00:14:05Well, don't let just sit on our bums and intellectualise about it

00:14:08Let's do it

00:14:08Well, that one's up for the moment

00:14:09Well, acoustic will do

00:14:10The stun mark's okay, though

00:14:11That one, right

00:14:13Mine's still very bourgeois, Bottom

00:14:15Notice how he always says right

00:14:17It's quite unconscious

00:14:19Come on, will you?

00:14:21Johnny, don't we both eat

00:14:23No, no, no

00:14:24Will you do it properly?

00:14:25Give them an intro, please, Roy

00:14:31Johnny Diver

00:14:33We both think of you so much

00:14:36Our points of view are different, but in touch

00:14:41Have you got the plans

00:14:44To keep the peace between those orange rabbits

00:14:47Fighting in their heart

00:14:52I, I, I require a word with the producer

00:14:56I'm sorry, we're rehearsing

00:14:58Yes, but I'm from the council

00:14:59The name's Hammond

00:15:01Social Arts and Leisure Activities Coordinating Subcommittee

00:15:05We are rehearsing

00:15:06Well, I dare say you are with this public money

00:15:08Will you, Colt Roy?

00:15:09I'm sorry, love

00:15:09Look, that last line

00:15:11Keep the peace between those Irish rabbits

00:15:13Fighting in their heart

00:15:13I want every single word of that

00:15:15Really ponged out at the office

00:15:16Can I help?

00:15:17Well, I demand you to see the producer

00:15:19Oh, I'm sorry, he's rehearsing

00:15:20So you keep bloody saying

00:15:21Shh, shh, please

00:15:22Look, I'm the stage director

00:15:25Oh, I want to see the top man in this organisation

00:15:28I'm sorry, we're a collective

00:15:30Nobody's boss

00:15:32Poppy Gogg

00:15:32Oh, he's all in charge, lad

00:15:35Well, look, er

00:15:36What seems to me the trouble?

00:15:37Well, I come to talk about the, er

00:15:40The nudity

00:15:42What?

00:15:43The nudity

00:15:46Once and for all, Roy

00:15:47Will you take that outsider out of here?

00:15:49We cannot work

00:15:50Come on

00:15:52That bloke sounds very much in charge to me

00:16:03Nudity

00:16:04I mean, your play

00:16:06Which opened yesterday

00:16:09We don't have any nudity in Diablo

00:16:11We don't

00:16:12Well, I've had six complaints already

00:16:14For very responsible persons

00:16:16Two of them

00:16:16Were for going to the police

00:16:18I'll tell you that now

00:16:19Sorry, I don't know where they

00:16:23Mr. Hammond

00:16:24Have you seen the show?

00:16:25Oh, no

00:16:27Well, the lady chairman of the public health committee

00:16:29Made it her business to call

00:16:30A very, very sensible woman

00:16:32Now, her words to me were

00:16:33The nudity

00:16:37Is overt

00:16:38Fully frontal

00:16:40And appertaining to

00:16:42An aroused male

00:16:45Oh, you mean the swimming scene

00:16:46Ah, so you do know what I mean after all

00:16:48Hey, hold on

00:16:49How do you swim in that theatre?

00:16:52Well, in bathing costumes

00:16:52Johnny, that's the hero, wears pink trunks

00:16:56Fresh coloured

00:16:57Well, sort of

00:16:58But quite thick

00:16:59Terrytown

00:17:00Mind you, he does pull a banana out of them

00:17:02It's a very big laugh

00:17:03You think it was that?

00:17:04Oh, maybe

00:17:05Sounds very near the knuckle to me

00:17:07Not really

00:17:08He and his girlfriend share it

00:17:09Now, look here

00:17:10It's no picnic

00:17:11It's fun

00:17:11It's nice

00:17:12Nice?

00:17:13Look, I'll tell you what

00:17:14Why don't you come and see for yourself?

00:17:15No, I really don't

00:17:16I don't

00:17:17Lunchtime

00:17:18Lunchtime

00:17:18I'll give you a cough

00:17:20Guest ticket

00:17:20Or two

00:17:22Bring a friend

00:17:23We're allowed beer up from the valve

00:17:24Well, I'll take two

00:17:25But I'll tell you now

00:17:26My colleague is a J.P. who doesn't drink

00:17:29Well, you'll be in distinguished company

00:17:31Beth Burley's coming

00:17:32What, the TV star?

00:17:34Yeah

00:17:34I don't understand that lady at all

00:17:36If you ask me, her kind will rock the boat

00:17:38You see, what I say is

00:17:40Give Jim Callaghan one more chance

00:17:44Well, hope you enjoy the show

00:17:46I'll be judge of that

00:17:481.15

00:17:50That's it

00:17:51Cheerio

00:17:53Cheerio

00:17:57Oh, yes, and Den

00:17:58Now, you were a bit slow on the draw with the banana

00:18:00What's I?

00:18:01Got a good laugh

00:18:02And can it be bigger, yellower, right?

00:18:05What?

00:18:05Den's banana

00:18:09No, love

00:18:10I'm sorry

00:18:11If they can't guarantee me

00:18:13And the new series

00:18:14A full front page

00:18:15I mean cover photo

00:18:16Of the TV times

00:18:18I won't sign

00:18:19I won't go with it

00:18:20And inside

00:18:21I want a personalised story

00:18:24Of my new work

00:18:25With these deprived kids

00:18:26Down in Deptford

00:18:27All right

00:18:28Yes, love

00:18:29You just do everything

00:18:31You bloody can

00:18:34Agents

00:18:34Remind me, Bruce

00:18:36Come the day

00:18:37They've got to be among the first to go

00:18:40Now, where was I?

00:18:42We must build revolutionary bases across the land

00:18:45That's it

00:18:46In workplace after workplace

00:18:49Only the working class has the reason

00:18:52The vision

00:18:52The gut power to smash capitalism

00:18:55And to end the reign of the profiteers

00:18:57And to usher in a new socialist world

00:19:01I don't like usher in

00:19:03It's too fancy

00:19:04Now, this is Red Hammer in there

00:19:05Factory floor stuff

00:19:07Bring it

00:19:08Yeah, that's right

00:19:08Is this the one you want, Miss Bailey?

00:19:11Yes

00:19:11How about break down the barriers

00:19:13To the dictatorship of the masses?

00:19:14Hmm

00:19:16Super

00:19:17Mucher

00:19:19Great

00:19:24Bruce, remind me to memo the local council

00:19:28Why?

00:19:28The archaic wording, darling

00:19:30Slight time they changed that

00:19:32Really ought to be men and women

00:19:37But she is a lady, sir

00:19:39Was, was

00:19:41Renounced the title when she joined the party

00:19:43Once a knob, always a knob

00:19:50Morning, love

00:20:00How are we doing for time?

00:20:02Half past twelve

00:20:04Do I get the bikes out, Mr. Tedling?

00:20:06Yes

00:20:14Part of the people who want

00:20:15Hello

00:20:16Yes

00:20:18No, she's not available at the moment

00:20:19Who is it?

00:20:21Oh, yes

00:20:22Yes

00:20:24You can't give her the front cover of the TV Times

00:20:28Well, they must

00:20:29Well, lean on them, ducky

00:20:31Bloody lean

00:20:31She means what she says

00:20:35Man, you look different

00:20:37No

00:20:37This is the real me

00:20:39What's that doing in a municipal convenience?

00:20:43Private enterprise, man

00:20:44You ain't obliged to take, but you do help

00:20:47Well, you read this instead

00:20:51Throw off your chains

00:20:52My people already done that

00:20:54Long time ago

00:20:58Why do whitey always have this drooped down tit fixation?

00:21:08We'll meet you here about five, Robertson

00:21:10Yes, Miss Bailey

00:21:13Basically, I feel arriving like this on our bicycles is this embarrassing for them, don't you, Bruce?

00:21:18Oh, absolutely

00:21:19Social tact

00:21:20The Russian art behind the roads would only confuse them

00:21:37But it was radical nowadays

00:21:38I mean, really radical

00:21:40Look, we fought the cuts

00:21:41We set in

00:21:42And then you came to

00:21:43Big laugh, is it?

00:21:44It's all right

00:21:44Two fifty

00:21:45Not student concessions

00:21:48Give over

00:21:48You've made me spill me lager

00:21:50I've got me NUS can

00:21:51Oh, flat rate

00:21:53Fifty pay a throw, that's bloody murder

00:21:54Look, we've got to live, man

00:21:55Don't you get any grants?

00:21:57Don't bring it up up there, what we get

00:21:58Local council, arts council, TUC, grant in aid

00:22:01None of it's enough

00:22:02I'd like our shows to be free

00:22:04Sir, I do think these fringe theatre groups are awfully brave

00:22:08I think we're awfully brave

00:22:18I'll bet you a week subsistence Beth Bailey walks in halfway through

00:22:26Fair old sound system, eh?

00:22:38It looks rather like a medical demonstration one, doesn't it?

00:22:43See, it's not really the pornographic aspect that worries me so much as the obvious political

00:22:48numbers

00:22:49Why does my little boy wear the horrible bearded?

00:22:52They're not real

00:22:52Typical stage director

00:22:54I know he don't pretend he's an actor or anything, but he could try and look

00:22:58D'Roy's lovely

00:23:03She ain't here yet, and it's over to her beginners

00:23:06If we had over to her beginners

00:23:28Miss Bailey?

00:23:28Oh, you love Beth

00:23:30Do call me Beth

00:23:31You must be Mike Parsons

00:23:32Yes

00:23:32Um, excuse me

00:23:37She's here

00:23:37Now hold it one minute, okay?

00:23:46That's right, I'm Mike Parsons

00:23:47We talked on the phone together when you rang Mrs.

00:23:50I mean Beth

00:23:51It's been a bit dodgy for us

00:23:52The train was late

00:23:53We had to pedal like crazy to get here

00:23:56Pedal?

00:23:57Yes, we put our bikes in the guards' van

00:23:59Well, I refuse to take taxis, an outmoded form of privileged transport

00:24:03Oh, I see, yes

00:24:04This is Bruce, my political advisor, stud and secretary

00:24:07You're like each other

00:24:08Bruce Love, Mike Parsons

00:24:09Hello, Mike

00:24:10Hello

00:24:11We hear the show's really inspiring

00:24:13Oh, yeah, so are spies reports

00:24:15Spies?

00:24:16Joke

00:24:17Oh, I see, yes

00:24:18Well, we think it's all right

00:24:20At least we reckon that it is

00:24:21Um, it is just about to start

00:24:22I can't wait

00:24:25Um, I could get you a drink if you like

00:24:26Oh, dear, what?

00:24:28It's all right

00:24:28I respect you to the people's theatre

00:24:30And the bricklayer's arms

00:24:33Plumber's mates

00:24:34I bet

00:24:36Syntax is crazy but now

00:24:38Right

00:24:47Right, you're on

00:24:51And remember

00:24:53Remember everybody

00:24:54Bags of attack

00:25:11Johnny Diver was a simple lad

00:25:17He was programmed both for good and bad

00:25:21Guess someone got had

00:25:24Oh, was it me, his mom?

00:25:29It definitely wasn't his dad

00:25:35Johnny Diver, product of a one-night stand

00:25:40At the back of a pub, a quick screw-up

00:25:44Soon got out of hand

00:25:47When the fool and the extreme

00:25:50And the southern unemployment walked the land

00:25:55Johnny Diver soon found a girl he loved

00:26:01They loved each other, no one pushed or shot

00:26:04Even gave her a ring

00:26:08Picked from Woolies

00:26:11On the first profiteering day of spring

00:26:16Johnny Diver and Sharon, their love was true

00:26:21They loved each other truly through and through

00:26:25But Johnny on the door

00:26:29He was stuck in a hole

00:26:32Sold his pay and he joined the army

00:26:54Johnny Diver, we both think of you so much

00:26:59Our points of view are different but in touch

00:27:03Have you got the guts

00:27:07To keep the peace between those Irish rabbits

00:27:10Fighting in their hearts

00:27:38Top half recruit inspector, sergeant major

00:27:40Top half recruit inspector, sergeant major

00:27:41Top half recruit inspector, sergeant major

00:27:43Top half recruit inspected, sir.

00:27:45I've heard that line somewhere before.

00:27:47Oh, yes, yes, yes.

00:27:49Diver, jolly good.

00:27:50Hmm, head, ha-ha.

00:27:52Heart, ha-ha.

00:27:53Lungs, ha-ha.

00:27:54Well, diver, I gather you are A1 from the waist upwards.

00:27:58Now, drop your trousers.

00:27:59Eh?

00:28:00Drop your...

00:28:01Oh, well, I'll say this for the lad.

00:28:04He's got a patriotic bum.

00:28:06That's a new one.

00:28:17Very fine example of the male addendum, sir.

00:28:22Well, diver, I gather you are A1 from the waist downwards.

00:28:27Fit to serve anywhere, sir.

00:28:28Upstairs and downstairs.

00:28:32Back to the piano, sir.

00:28:33Yes, please, make it snappy.

00:28:34There'll be a terrible pause otherwise.

00:28:37See what I mean?

00:28:43Johnny Diver, you're fit to serve with the best.

00:28:47We'll train you and feed you, provide a bullet-proof vest.

00:28:51Are the rank 185732.

00:28:54Get dressed.

00:28:55You'll soon learn to kill with pride and with zest.

00:28:59Johnny Diver, your political conscience is now as uniform as the rest.

00:29:31Stand at ease.

00:29:35Get your rifle up, son!

00:29:37The only thing about you that's got to be up is your rifle, got it?

00:29:42Hold her arms, two, three.

00:29:44Hold her arms, two, three.

00:29:45Hold her arms, two, three.

00:29:47Shoulder arms, two, three.

00:29:48Hold her arms, two, three.

00:29:50Shoulder arms, two, three.

00:29:51Hold her arms, two, three.

00:29:52Shoulder arms, two, three.

00:29:53Hold her arms, two, three.

00:29:54Shoulder arms, two, three.

00:29:57Listen, son.

00:29:58You may chuck your weapon about everywhere else, but not in the army.

00:30:02Got it?

00:30:08Get your shoulders back and your tits out and your chest in and your stomach out and your arse in!

00:30:13Bags of swank, lad, bags of swank!

00:30:16Who do you think you are, Margaret Thatcher?

00:30:21You horrible, long-haired product of our horrible, permissive pornographic welfare state, you!

00:30:27Yes, Sergeant?

00:30:28Sergeant Major!

00:30:28Sorry, Sergeant Major!

00:30:30You're coiffure!

00:30:31I'm not!

00:30:33Bags is bleeding!

00:30:34Bags is bleeding!

00:30:35Bags is bleeding!

00:30:35Get it off, dear!

00:30:36Get it off!

00:30:39Better now, Sergeant Major?

00:30:41Better!

00:30:43A very hairy moment, that!

00:30:46Don't worry!

00:30:47There is worse to come!

00:30:53Basic training completed, sir!

00:30:55Jolly good!

00:30:55Super!

00:30:56At ease!

00:30:58Easy!

00:31:00Time up!

00:31:00You are now what we term a disciplined body of a bloke.

00:31:03You know what to do, how to do it, and when to do it.

00:31:06From now on, it will be your privilege to put the boot in for the bosses, the government, and the

00:31:10TUC, and to help the politicians keep the people in their place.

00:31:13And they're paid down to ten percent.

00:31:16You now know, thanks to us, that the best way, the kindest way to calm a fractious populace, is a

00:31:21swift volley of rubber bullets to the assembled Jenny Taylor.

00:31:25That's why we've been so keen on marksmanship. They do tend to shrivel under stress.

00:31:30Very good.

00:31:31Very good.

00:31:34Diver!

00:31:34From now on, you will be our unofficial ambassador to Northern Ireland.

00:31:39Oh, God! You're not going to send me there, are you, sir?

00:31:42My dear chap, it's the only bit of empire we've got left to send the Queen to.

00:31:46Naturally, we do not expect you to carry out these arduous tasks unaided.

00:31:50Oh, dear me, no.

00:31:51As our American friends would say, you've got backup, baby.

00:31:56Take this new riot control device.

00:32:00Take this new riot control device.

00:32:04You then take a standard issue pin, this, and holding the device well clear of the head...

00:32:12...with a controlled, well-aimed prick.

00:32:18Get a bit of yourself, diver.

00:32:21And you, madam.

00:32:24You pierce it thus.

00:32:27And what has been achieved?

00:32:29Um, prick's had a bang, sir.

00:32:32That will do, diver.

00:32:34You have released a quantity of methane gas variant B.

00:32:37Now, this gas was developed by our tame research wallers at Aldershot

00:32:40while investigating the military potential of the goose turd.

00:32:44It has the unique property of immediately turning a hostile into a friendly.

00:32:48Another example of our kindly but firm technology.

00:32:51A nanny's light tap on the wrist.

00:32:53A firm reminder to all would-be terrorists

00:32:56that Nurse Britannia is...

00:33:10There's nothing underdeveloped about her.

00:33:14That Nurse Britannia is not laughing, and we don't intend it to end in tears, do we?

00:33:19Cool.

00:33:20Right.

00:33:23Well, if you can't.

00:33:26And you just call it a bit.

00:33:28Pretty.

00:33:46...

00:33:47He's proud, never count

00:33:51However tough the crowd

00:33:53He's sad that he's never retained

00:33:55He's been to go now

00:33:58He's been to show how

00:34:00We're taught to still fast

00:34:40Dear Sharon

00:34:42You ought to see the slaughter over here

00:34:48Moms and bangs

00:34:50Babies blown up in their prams

00:34:53That's all you hear

00:34:56And it's bloody murder

00:34:58And I'm choked with fear to hear

00:35:07Dear Johnny

00:35:09If you could see the tally over here

00:35:42Talks and chats

00:35:44Love and kisses, I love you too

00:35:46I'll wait for you, dear

00:35:49Wait for me

00:35:50Got to go

00:35:52Love and kisses

00:35:54Stay for me

00:36:11Dear Sharon

00:36:13Do you remember our walk by the sea?

00:36:17You looked so nice

00:36:20In that bikini

00:36:23For car price

00:36:25But you was somehow

00:36:28Somehow out of reach

00:36:30And I was somehow

00:36:33Somehow lost for speech

00:36:35Till you told me

00:36:38That you

00:36:39Love me

00:36:55Flashback

00:36:56I'm sure this is going to be the offending scene

00:36:59Ain't it nice

00:37:01Just us

00:37:02And them little waves

00:37:04Little waves, yeah

00:37:07Oh, Sharon

00:37:08What?

00:37:09Oh, you know what

00:37:10I do love you, Johnny

00:37:12Yeah, exactly

00:37:14So, I mean, why

00:37:16Well, look, I mean

00:37:17I'll go to Belfast next week

00:37:18You never know

00:37:18I could

00:37:20Well, look, I mean

00:37:21We are of age

00:37:22And I mean everybody now

00:37:24What's so funny?

00:37:25Look at you

00:37:26What?

00:37:27What do you think you're up to?

00:37:30Oh, that?

00:37:31Yeah

00:37:32Well, that's for our dinner

00:37:37Oh, Sharon

00:37:38You can have first bite

00:37:41One mustn't overreact

00:37:43It's really lovely sweet

00:37:45It's, uh

00:37:46It's from the Canary Islands

00:37:50It's nice

00:37:51It's nice

00:37:51I chose it specially

00:37:55No, no, no

00:37:57No, no

00:37:59I've seen enough

00:38:00It's unfit for public consumption

00:38:01No, no, Mr. Hammond

00:38:02Misses put them

00:38:03You're as permissive as they are

00:38:04I shall report this

00:38:05This, this, this, this banana

00:38:07It's all quite innocent

00:38:09One can't take a fence

00:38:10Can't take a fence

00:38:11Well, I do

00:38:11And I can't

00:38:13It's violent

00:38:14It's revolting

00:38:20There you go, man

00:38:21Let's run

00:38:24One, what an exit

00:38:26No, no

00:38:26You're a fantastic company

00:38:29Fantastic

00:38:29I've just hitched all the way from Bournemouth

00:38:32I was with this shitty tour

00:38:33Of bloody Sub-Christie

00:38:35Murder on time

00:38:36Oh, finally, I flit

00:38:40I've just got to do some real theatre

00:38:42Screw you

00:38:43I can't go and be around committed

00:38:45I can't go and be around committed

00:38:46But no, I've realised

00:38:48I mean, well, just to breathe is a political act, isn't it?

00:38:54Is it?

00:38:56Look, is there a telephone anywhere around here?

00:38:59Oh, yes, there

00:39:01Do you think it might have I slipped in?

00:39:03Look, Emma, have you got two peas?

00:39:05Oh, yes, I should

00:39:08Quick, quick

00:39:09I must get in there

00:39:11Hey, look, what about your change?

00:39:13Oh, don't bother

00:39:13Me too

00:39:15Congrats about you

00:39:17Me too

00:39:19You're my milk and sugar

00:39:21Honey on my bread

00:39:22And I promise to love you till I'm dead

00:39:25Oh, don't bother

00:39:27About you

00:39:28Me too

00:39:30And live without you

00:39:32Me too

00:39:34You're my earth and heaven

00:39:36Turn upside down

00:39:37We've got the whole world for our loving ground

00:39:40Me and you

00:39:44We think for two

00:39:48We belong together

00:39:51Always we are one

00:39:56Now you and me

00:40:00With milk and tea

00:40:05And he will stay forever

00:40:08And what will always be

00:40:14But not it

00:40:15How about you

00:40:16Me too

00:40:17Shibidee, shibidee, shibidee

00:40:18Crackers about you

00:40:20Me too

00:40:21Whack-a-dee, whack-a-dee, whack-a-dee

00:40:22You're my milk and sugar

00:40:24Honey on my bread

00:40:26And I promise to love you till I'm dead

00:40:29Oh, don't bother

00:40:30How about you

00:40:31Me too

00:40:32Shibidee, shibidee, shibidee, shibidee

00:40:34And live without you

00:40:35Me too

00:40:36Whack-a-dee, whack-a-dee, whack-a-dee

00:40:37You're my milk and heaven

00:40:39Turn upside down

00:40:41We've got the whole world for our loving ground

00:40:47The police police

00:40:52Did you ever spot a bother at the plumer's arms?

00:40:54And I might speak to the duty servant

00:40:56Well, I think I'd better speak to the chief, please

00:41:01I want to talk to the top man in your outfit, please

00:41:15Oh, Seamus O'Hennessy

00:41:17They'll be after slaking their throats with pride of you back in Balmullet

00:41:21Blacksod Bay

00:41:23This is Councillor Arthur Hammond here

00:41:26Is that the chief?

00:41:27Yes, well, look

00:41:27I've been shunted from pillar to post

00:41:29And I've something very urgent to tell you

00:41:31We've had a spot of bother here at the plumer's arms

00:41:33But the corner of Grafton's

00:41:36Now, hold on, hold on

00:41:38It's just the theatre

00:41:42Oh, dear

00:41:45I hope they didn't think

00:41:49Private diver absent without leaves

00:41:51Ah!

00:41:52Pissed off on a fire

00:41:57Divers let the side down

00:41:59Divers quit

00:42:00We always did consider the lad

00:42:02A bit of a shyster

00:42:04I was deserted

00:42:05Get the Lord alerted

00:42:07If you want my view, he's been subverted

00:42:11Pathetic little bloke

00:42:12Hasn't got a hope

00:42:14The Majesty's Army knows how to cope

00:42:17We've got the means to find the cause

00:42:19We don't have to bother with civil laws

00:42:40It's all right

00:42:41It has been a misunderstanding

00:42:43Oh, plumber's arms

00:42:44Oh, hold on

00:42:46You see?

00:42:47Please

00:42:48It's all right

00:42:49False alarm

00:42:50It was just the theatre

00:42:51Yes

00:42:53Well, I was complaining about the nudity when there was this spank

00:42:58A nude bomb attack

00:43:00Oh, no

00:43:01Stage effect

00:43:02And it wasn't so much the nudity

00:43:05It was the banana

00:43:09Banana

00:43:10Name

00:43:12Look, you don't have to grill me

00:43:15Take it easy, sir, and we'll get there

00:43:17Name

00:43:20Uh, Hammond

00:43:43Name

00:43:45Diver

00:43:46Regiment

00:43:47Royal books

00:43:48Royal books

00:43:49Jolly effective treatment

00:43:50Much cheaper and quicker than a court-martial

00:43:52Think electric

00:43:54Repeat after me

00:43:55I have failed to obey thy martial laws

00:43:59I have failed to obey thy martial law

00:44:02But now I promise on my honour to do my best

00:44:05Now I promise on my honour to do my best

00:44:07Though I strayed from thy ways like a lost sheep

00:44:09Oh, I strayed from thy ways like a lost sheep

00:44:12I promised to do my duty to God and capital

00:44:17Though I did do those things I didn't order

00:44:18Though I did do those things I didn't order

00:44:21To oppress other people at all times

00:44:23I promise to oppress other people at all times

00:44:25And do every way

00:44:26And do every way

00:44:26And do much

00:44:26And in every way

00:44:27To make their lives much shorter

00:44:35Amen

00:44:45Yes, and I promise I'll whistle through all difficulties too

00:44:49I promise

00:44:50Jolly good

00:44:51Dip, dip

00:44:52Dob, dob

00:44:52Carry on

00:44:57Good boy

00:44:58He may be a prog and a redneck

00:44:59But we can't let him in as a zombie

00:45:01Not when he tried to desert

00:45:04Come on over, Johnny

00:45:05You're on our side now

00:45:07The least we can give him

00:45:08Is a martyr's name

00:45:18Good boy

00:45:19Now he'll live forever

00:45:21In myth and legend

00:45:25Oh, is that for Irish logic?

00:45:36It's a poor look out

00:45:39When the army's about

00:45:42And you ask the reason why

00:45:46My word of advice

00:45:49Which I bought at a price

00:45:52Is don't believe the lie

00:45:58Don't believe the lie

00:46:05The world will be okay

00:46:07When the people have their say

00:46:09The world will be alright

00:46:11When our workers use their might

00:46:13Cut your bosses

00:46:15Fight the bosses

00:46:17It's the only way

00:46:22It's a poor look out

00:46:25When there's profits about

00:46:28And you ask the reason why

00:46:32My word of advice

00:46:34My word to you

00:47:01Now I've gone

00:47:01Break your shackles

00:47:02Tackle the parasites and sauce

00:47:05The world will be on course

00:47:07When we all unite in force

00:47:09The world will be alright

00:47:11When we all get up and fight

00:47:13Cut the cackle

00:47:15Break your shackles

00:47:17Tangle the parasites and concise

00:47:19Bluff

00:47:20Bluff

00:47:21Bluff

00:47:26Bluff

00:47:28Good job!

00:47:29They're all both ready!

00:47:31Nice and ready!

00:47:33Good luck, good luck, good luck!

00:47:35Good luck, good luck, good luck!

00:47:38Good luck!

00:47:39Thank you very much!

00:47:43Cheers!

00:47:44Thank you, thank you sir!

00:47:46Good luck, thank you very much!

00:47:53Just a minute, just a minute

00:47:55What kind of service can we wait well and choose?

00:47:58But you were right to have

00:47:59second thought

00:48:02But I felt that you darn fool in front of that inspector

00:48:05You were overwrought

00:48:07You've been working too hard

00:48:10Everybody suffers from stress

00:48:12in the social services nowadays

00:48:14But when he asked me

00:48:15if I wanted to bring a civil action

00:48:17as a private person

00:48:18You had second thought

00:48:21You were right

00:48:23Oh, it's the age thing

00:48:26But we can now

00:48:28from the young people

00:48:29be more...

00:48:31overt as hell

00:48:35Overt?

00:48:37Liberating

00:48:38It's never too late

00:48:40Believe me, Sunday is the flashpoint

00:48:43Do you think so?

00:48:44And your show is the detonator

00:48:46I mean, it can spark the revolution

00:48:48The British revolution at last

00:48:50Anything can happen at Belgium

00:48:52There's 2,000 delegates

00:48:53and every one of them's had enough

00:48:54They've taken enough stick

00:48:55from this present government

00:48:56They're ready to fight

00:48:57And you really think the diver can do it?

00:48:59I know it can, my

00:49:00With a few revisions

00:49:03Revisions?

00:49:03But Andy, don't you see

00:49:04your theatre's where it's really at?

00:49:06I work for the plumber's mates for nothing

00:49:08Oh, that's no problem

00:49:09We all do more or less

00:49:10Do you think Mike could take me?

00:49:12I'll do anything

00:49:12I've got to get involved

00:49:14I don't know

00:49:15You could ask for an audition

00:49:15What sort of thing does he want?

00:49:17Well, it's not just him

00:49:18It's all of us

00:49:18Dodge?

00:49:19Well, it's a collective, you see

00:49:20And then we vote

00:49:21Well, that's fair, democratic

00:49:23Yes, only Mike isn't too keen

00:49:25I guess so well

00:49:26We'd better get down to the nuts and bolts

00:49:28Right

00:49:29Come on, kids

00:49:31Beth's notes

00:49:31Come on

00:49:37Andy

00:49:38Beth's notes

00:49:38Oh, yeah, okay

00:49:40Oh, look, Mike

00:49:40This is Dorothy

00:49:41And we work together at the Bee

00:49:43Oh, what aren't they?

00:49:44Oh, you know

00:49:45The usual Edwardian hat rubbish

00:49:46Oh, she's just seen the show

00:49:47Hitched up from Bournemouth

00:49:48I thought Diver was fantastic

00:49:50So true, direct homage

00:49:51Thank you

00:49:52She wants a job with us

00:49:55I'm sorry, love

00:49:56We're a Dr. Mum straight for the matter

00:49:57Couldn't I just sit in on this afternoon?

00:49:59Just tune in, you know

00:50:00I wouldn't say anything

00:50:01Well, any other time

00:50:02Well, any other time

00:50:02I'd say yes, of course

00:50:03But today's sort of crucial

00:50:04You know, crux time

00:50:06Oh, dear

00:50:07So, no, sorry

00:50:08Oh, dear

00:50:09He's uptight

00:50:10No, it's Beth Bailey

00:50:11Hang around till she's gone

00:50:13Ely's out of it

00:50:14Smile again

00:50:15You know, be human

00:50:15Okay

00:50:16Andy, come on

00:50:18Oh, yeah, all right

00:50:18See you later

00:50:24Last orders, please

00:50:26Last orders, please

00:50:28Last orders, please

00:50:32You're a wonderful group

00:50:34And I love you

00:50:35It's a real show

00:50:37By real people

00:50:38For real people

00:50:39That's straight up

00:50:40Take it from me

00:50:41It's a people show

00:50:43Gut theatre

00:50:44And I can't say more than that, can I?

00:50:46You made a head of a lot of notes

00:50:48Little things, nitpicking

00:50:50What sort of facilities will we get at Bellevue?

00:50:52Well, it'll be a bit bigger in here for a start

00:50:55You've got a raised platform

00:50:56Good PA system

00:50:57Bags of lights

00:50:58Do we get the chance of a run-through?

00:50:59You know, warm-up?

00:51:00No, we didn't last time

00:51:01With real people, real politics

00:51:02We just had to go on and do it cold

00:51:04Oh, but the show was great

00:51:06They loved it

00:51:06Because each and every delegate's rooting for you

00:51:08For the revolution

00:51:09Gut and mind beamed in on you

00:51:11Man, it's so solid, it's great

00:51:13Huge waves of brotherly love

00:51:15Rolling in on your big audience

00:51:17Two thousand

00:51:18God

00:51:18Not like here

00:51:20Fifty, if you're lucky

00:51:21It's like socialist surf-riding

00:51:23Right

00:51:23Wow, wow

00:51:25And we'd better get down to the notes then

00:51:28Bruce

00:51:30Well, first, it's good

00:51:31And second, it's got political muscle

00:51:33Now, it's not quite full of develop

00:51:34Some edges are blurred, certain impacts are muffled

00:51:38Frankly, Diver is trying to have it both ways

00:51:41Well, if we're honest, we have to admit that, don't we?

00:51:43Because we have to realise

00:51:44In our own political theatre

00:51:45Our own activist commitment

00:51:47We're gonna be on the front line come Sunday

00:51:48And our fellow workers are gonna demand

00:51:50That we lay it on that line, right?

00:51:51Well, like Pearl White

00:51:53Who?

00:51:54Well, she was always being laid on the line

00:51:56In those old movies

00:51:57You know, they revive them at the NFT

00:51:58I don't know what you're talking about

00:51:59I never go to the fascist cinema

00:52:00I'm sorry

00:52:01Now, the opening verse, the second line

00:52:03He was programmed for good and bad

00:52:05Now, change programmed to conditioned

00:52:07It's more meaningful

00:52:08Right

00:52:09Second verse, quit school at 16

00:52:11Yes, quit's American

00:52:12Say left

00:52:13But we all say quit nowadays

00:52:15No, I think left school is better

00:52:16It's more English

00:52:17All right, but it's an odd point if you ask me

00:52:20Unemployment walked the land

00:52:22A substitute stalled for walked stronger

00:52:24Yes, I like that

00:52:26First profiteering day of spring

00:52:27That was good, we like that

00:52:29Oh, I thought of that line

00:52:30Oh, shut up, damn it

00:52:32Yes

00:52:33Now then, this one is more serious

00:52:34This is a bad line in every way

00:52:36Dogma-wise, theory-wise

00:52:37Which one?

00:52:39It's the Irish rabbit's comment

00:52:40I didn't quite get it all down

00:52:41To keep the peace between those Irish rabbits

00:52:46Fighting in their hutch

00:52:48That's the one

00:52:50Yes, well, that was its point

00:52:52It was deliberately meant to be cack-handed

00:52:54You know, or...

00:52:55Awful, awful line

00:52:56It gets a laugh

00:52:57Yes, at the expense of the Irish Republican Army

00:52:59No, it must be changed

00:53:01Uh, we mustn't knock the IRA

00:53:03Oh, how can we?

00:53:04When they're the only legitimate force in Northern Ireland

00:53:07Oh, I think that's open to discussion, actually

00:53:09No, we recognize the IRA

00:53:11Do we?

00:53:12No one told me

00:53:13All right then

00:53:14Hello, IRA

00:53:16What should we sing instead?

00:53:19Well, that's a group decision

00:53:20But it must be made clear that the British are the oppressors

00:53:23That the army is in Ulster

00:53:25To support the capitalist aspirations of the Protestants

00:53:28Yes, but we were aiming for a much less

00:53:30Erm

00:53:31Well, less simplistic view

00:53:33Now, look, loves

00:53:34You know as well as we do

00:53:36That the struggle in Northern Ireland

00:53:38Is a classic case of British imperialism

00:53:40Holding down by force

00:53:42The natural revolutionary expression of the Irish workers

00:53:46I thought we were there to stop and carving each other up

00:53:48No, no, no, that's just Tory propaganda

00:53:50Come on, dear

00:53:51Okay, okay, we'll think of something else

00:53:53What?

00:53:55I don't know yet, do I?

00:53:57But we will

00:53:57That's fine

00:53:58That's lovely

00:53:59You could play the opposite

00:54:01Something like

00:54:03Have you got the nerve to kill the noble Irish worker

00:54:06Fighting for his brave new world

00:54:08You see, heavy iron is good

00:54:10So long as it's so heavy

00:54:11We know it's ironing

00:54:12Right, we'll change it for Sunday

00:54:14Medical inspection bit

00:54:16Solid fun

00:54:17And the RSM bit

00:54:19Especially the wing jug, that's universal

00:54:21Oh, we thought that was corny

00:54:23No

00:54:23We couldn't think of anything else

00:54:25Corn is very useful to us

00:54:26It gets straight through to the people

00:54:28They like corn

00:54:29Recognize it

00:54:30But the crowd control speech

00:54:33And the gas balloon unit

00:54:34That's Andy, isn't it?

00:54:36Yeah

00:54:36Well, they go on too long

00:54:37They need trimming, sharpening

00:54:38Both

00:54:39How?

00:54:40We'll change the basic material

00:54:41To torturing techniques

00:54:43We must show how the British Army

00:54:45Still uses interrogation methods

00:54:47And defiance of the Human Rights Committee

00:54:48Does it still?

00:54:49Oh, yes, love, believe me

00:54:51Have you got proof of that?

00:54:53Oh, yes

00:54:54I met an IRA Brigadier only last week

00:54:57He told me it still goes on

00:54:59The hood disorientation

00:55:00But that'll make the show so heavy

00:55:02The reality is heavy

00:55:04But you see

00:55:05Well, we don't want a hate show

00:55:07No, no, no, no, of course not

00:55:09It must be positive

00:55:09Must be life-giving

00:55:10But we cannot ignore the facts

00:55:12The basic political facts

00:55:13Now, at the moment, diver skates around them

00:55:15Yeah, but we want to be fair

00:55:17You mean sit on the fence then?

00:55:20No

00:55:22Look, Bruce, mate

00:55:23I take your point

00:55:25But it does change the emphasis very considerably

00:55:27Exactly

00:55:28We say the Army's there to keep the peace

00:55:30You say it isn't

00:55:32Right

00:55:32No, no, they're saying more than that

00:55:33They're saying it's brutally repressive

00:55:35That's right

00:55:36That's as it is

00:55:37I disagree

00:55:38Now, hold on, Andy

00:55:39Do you disagree on the Army's role in Austria or on changing the scene?

00:55:41Both

00:55:42I think we've got a very fair balance in the show

00:55:44Well, we send up the Army, but we don't knock boys like Diver

00:55:48Who get trapped in a very complex situation through no fault of their own

00:55:51Right

00:55:51We portray the Army as being very hard on Diver when he deserves

00:55:54Well, now we're getting down to the petty bourgeois soft centre of your show, aren't we?

00:55:58Oh, meaning me

00:55:59Okay

00:56:00Andy, love, this is ideologies, not personalities

00:56:04Look, you must have trust, lovey

00:56:06I agree with Bruce

00:56:08You would, he's your hatchet man

00:56:10Andy, your scene does reveal a lack of true commitment

00:56:14Now, it's no use us going to Bellevue at half-cock

00:56:17Our job is to light the torch, to ignite the historic class struggle

00:56:22And your show, with our revisions, can do it, love

00:56:25And then, whose show is it?

00:56:27And what happens on Sunday?

00:56:28Well, they see your version of Diver

00:56:30Well, close Marxist ranks

00:56:32March out and burn down Manchester Police Station

00:56:34Occupy Granada TV

00:56:36Take over the Manchester Evening News

00:56:37Put up the barricades at Salford

00:56:39Why not?

00:56:39It could happen

00:56:40History says so

00:56:41Are you serious?

00:56:42I mean, the revolution and us starting it

00:56:45If we're united, we can, Roy

00:56:47Oh, no, he's Roy, I'm Den

00:56:51And those who are not 100% for us

00:56:53Are against us, Andy

00:56:56Yeah, well, I won't change my scene

00:56:58It's all right as it is

00:56:59It's fair and it's fun

00:57:00Right, now we're clear

00:57:01We'll just have to find a more solid show, right, Beth?

00:57:04No!

00:57:04Oh, no, no, no, come on

00:57:06We've got to go to Bellevue, haven't we?

00:57:08I mean, it's where it's at

00:57:09All those real workers

00:57:10Our lives were being betrayed from within

00:57:12Oh, no, no

00:57:13I'm as radical as you are

00:57:15Andy, I believe in the truth

00:57:17So do we, Andy

00:57:19Look, why don't we vote?

00:57:22Those four committing a revised diver to the workers' cause at Bellevue

00:57:25and those against them

00:57:27Yes, vote

00:57:27That's fair, Andy

00:57:28No, I don't think it will be

00:57:29Oh, come on, Andy

00:57:30Voting's always fair, always

00:57:31Those four

00:57:36Right

00:57:38Yeah, okay

00:57:40Well, I wish you luck in Manchester

00:57:43Andy

00:57:43Oh, you can't just walk now

00:57:45You guys, come on, Andy, mate

00:57:46You've got to abide by the group decision

00:57:48I'm sorry, Den, I can't

00:57:51But you're wrecking the show

00:57:52Oh, no, I'm not, Den

00:57:54You are

00:57:56And all the rest of you who put your hands up

00:58:02Well, he's screwed us right up, hasn't he?

00:58:06No, no, no

00:58:06Look, we've got four days

00:58:09We'll sort something out

00:58:10Yes, but who with?

00:58:25You'll have to go up again, Bruce

00:58:27See what they're like by Friday

00:58:30Oh, I think they'll be fine now

00:58:33We've eliminated the revengeous element

00:58:36Maybe

00:58:37But he was their best actor, by far

00:58:40Yes, but still a righteous infiltrator, love

00:58:47Pardon the people of one, hello

00:58:50Who?

00:58:51Just a second

00:58:53Do you know a rock group called Trotsky Revisited?

00:58:57Hmm, slogan rock

00:58:58They did a lunchtime thing at Covent Garden

00:59:01Sort of punk, committed punk

00:59:03I don't know how you remember them all

00:59:06Lead guitar wants a word

00:59:08All right

00:59:12Hello, love

00:59:13Yes, it's me, Beth Bailey

00:59:16Can I help?

00:59:27It's not quite Andy's aromatic fish curry, is it?

00:59:31Well, it's eatable

00:59:33You can take too much notice of food

00:59:37I hope Beth got the train

00:59:40They didn't leave much time

00:59:42Oh, yeah, but I mean, with the bike

00:59:44You nip through, don't you?

00:59:48You were wrong about the rolls

00:59:50Yes, but I was right about her wanting to change the place

00:59:55I think it's fantastic

00:59:56I think it's fantastic

00:59:57The recruiting officer being a WRAC

00:59:58Sort of female battle-axe

01:00:00I reckon the show's gonna be 100% more motivated now

01:00:04Good old Beth, eh?

01:00:05But, well, Miss Andy

01:00:06He was ever so good

01:00:08So's Dorothy

01:00:09Your audition knocked me out, love

01:00:11Did it? Thanks

01:00:12I only hope I can learn it all in time

01:00:14The new scene

01:00:15Hey, don't worry, love

01:00:16You will

01:00:19See, I'm not saying that Andy wasn't good

01:00:21Because he was

01:00:22But he could never break through his own sophisticated technique

01:00:25He did, Mike

01:00:26His adlets were marvelous

01:00:28Oh, yeah, they was cracking

01:00:30He was very professional

01:00:32Exactly, Roy

01:00:33He was dead professional

01:00:35But it was all sort of cold, you know

01:00:37All glitter, surface

01:00:39I mean, where was the heart?

01:00:42That human gut thing, you know?

01:00:43The real warmth, like I've got

01:00:46In his curries?

01:00:47Yeah

01:00:48Yeah, they was red up, weren't they?

01:00:51Yeah

01:00:51Maybe he'll become a chef next

01:00:53Well, he could, couldn't he?

01:00:56Well, it would suit him, wouldn't it?

01:00:57The root factor is you need actors like Andy to start with

01:01:01I mean, their skills

01:01:03Get a group working

01:01:04And they get a company really going

01:01:06Oh, yeah, yeah

01:01:07I'd heard a lot from Andy

01:01:09But I always knew he was a class enemy underneath

01:01:14Here

01:01:15Ain't Beth Belly terrific, eh?

01:01:17Great

01:01:17So real

01:01:19It's the eyes

01:01:20Yeah

01:01:21Wonderful

01:01:23You know, I reckon she's pointing us right where it's at

01:01:25I mean, we're all militants now, aren't we?

01:01:28I mean, come Sunday

01:01:29This deal is going to do something

01:01:30That's going to

01:01:30Move people into solid action

01:01:33Yeah

01:01:34And it all started with Beth

01:01:36Spotting what a creep Andy really was

01:01:38Now, hold on, then

01:01:39Oh, I mean it

01:01:40I mean, none of us had spotted

01:01:42That we got this centrist, two-timing, revisionary bastard

01:01:45Undermining our group work from within

01:01:47You can't say that

01:01:47I bloody can

01:01:49He perverted us for my revolutionary purpose

01:01:51Oh, but

01:01:52Bruce said so

01:01:54He's a fantastic bloke, too, isn't he?

01:01:56Oh, Bruce

01:01:57Now, you see, what we are now is what I call a tight-knit sell

01:02:01Fight the bosses, cut your losses

01:02:03Please, I don't think Andy's as bad as your making out, Den

01:02:07He's a good sausage

01:02:08It's me

01:02:09Oh, yeah

01:02:10That was just a cover

01:02:11But it all came out, didn't it?

01:02:13He got blown, didn't he?

01:02:15All those who ain't for, Bruce said

01:02:16Yeah, hold on, Den

01:02:17I mean, don't believe it, Mikey

01:02:18Can't you do?

01:02:19The sweet war man is dead and rotten

01:02:21Beaten off the bones and buried

01:02:23Well, Mikey's for you

01:02:25He's from London

01:02:25Beth

01:02:26Beth?

01:02:30What did you just say?

01:02:33Shakespeare

01:02:36Loves, labours, lost

01:02:38Oh

01:02:39I don't understand

01:02:40You want us to go to New Brighton?

01:02:44Yeah, I know it's outside Liverpool

01:02:48You've got another group for Bellevue

01:02:53Yeah, but Trotsky revisited

01:02:55Or a pop group, not a theatre group

01:02:59I see

01:02:59You think they're more suitable than us, really?

01:03:02Oh

01:03:04Yes

01:03:04What, because the hall's so big?

01:03:07I see

01:03:11Miners?

01:03:13From the Valleys?

01:03:17Yes, I know miners are key industrial workers, Beth, but I

01:03:21What, you think we'll do a valuable job at New Brighton?

01:03:26Yes

01:03:26Yes, well, I mean, it is disappointing for us

01:03:28We were all keyed up for Bellevue

01:03:30I mean, it was a big step forward for us, too

01:03:34Yes

01:03:35You're going to give yourself a copy of the food

01:03:38You're going to give yourself a copy of the food

01:04:01And you, madam

01:04:02Bloody right.

01:04:06Look, I don't mind performing to some Welsh miners.

01:04:09And after all, they are a weekend working party evaluating new modes of industrial unrest.

01:04:17Beth said so, didn't she?

01:04:21But the real action is still Bellevue.

01:04:32Well, at least we don't need to change the show anymore. I mean, apart from Dorothy.

01:04:38But Beth's ideas were good. I'm going to keep them. They give the show a cutting edge.

01:04:44Well, I like it as it is. As it is, it's still our show.

01:04:52What do you mean you agree with Andy?

01:04:56Yes, up to a point I do.

01:05:00Well, that's just bloody lovely, isn't it?

01:05:10Up to what point?

01:05:13You.

01:05:17Come on.

01:05:20Move your face. It's all set and heavy.

01:05:25Mike, you said to Beth yourself you don't want a hate show. She does.

01:05:30Sure. There's a lot to hate.

01:05:31But when we started, we said we wanted socialism with a human face.

01:05:36And a new kind of theatre for Britain with love and fun.

01:05:39Yes, we were full of that condescending college crap. Arts lab theory.

01:05:43And what about those school shows we took around to the potteries?

01:05:46Kids shows. We've grown up now.

01:05:53I've got to learn to hate with you and Beth.

01:05:56Yes.

01:05:59It's a real war.

01:06:02And do you agree with her even though she let you down?

01:06:07In the end, yes.

01:06:19When I was a child

01:06:22I used to be frightened of the cracks on the ceiling.

01:06:54MUSIC

01:06:55and speeches, provide a bullet for you best.

01:06:58On the rank 25-732, get dressed.

01:07:02You'll soon get killed with dried and recessed.

01:07:06Johnny Diver, your physical conscience

01:07:09is now as uniform as the West.

01:07:18Bicycle training completed.

01:07:20Oh, jolly hockey sticks, super.

01:07:25At ease.

01:07:27Easy.

01:07:28Diver!

01:07:29Who provided these people?

01:07:31No idea.

01:07:32The branch secretary.

01:07:34He's been keen on politics ever since his wife ran off with Evans and milk.

01:07:39Get them off, girl!

01:07:42Shut up, Griff. She's a lady, you can tell.

01:07:44How do you know?

01:07:45Until she gets them off.

01:07:47How do you keep a man in the dark?

01:07:49Cover him with a wet blanket.

01:07:50Oh, very educational, like in the old days.

01:07:53Nothing like a good dose of propaganda to get you started on the second shift.

01:07:58We used to get these boys from Oxford.

01:08:00Come down to entertainers in the dole cubes.

01:08:04Oh, very angry they were.

01:08:05But then you see, they'd already had their breakfast.

01:08:07Leave the thirties alone, Brandon.

01:08:10No true socialist ever leaves the thirties alone or otherwise, boy.

01:08:15Get about whoever you are.

01:08:17Get on.

01:08:18Get on.

01:08:19Get on.

01:08:22Get on.

01:08:24Get on.

01:08:40Get on.

01:08:48Get on.

01:08:49Get on.

01:08:57Get on.

01:08:59Get away.

01:09:00Yes, what is it?

01:09:06Get on.

01:09:09!

01:09:11I

01:09:12I

01:09:13I

01:09:24I

01:09:25I

01:09:27I

01:09:55CHOIR SINGS

01:10:26CHOIR SINGS

01:10:33CHOIR SINGS

01:10:34CHOIR SINGS

01:10:35CHOIR SINGS

01:10:36CHOIR SINGS

01:10:37CHOIR SINGS

01:10:56CHOIR SINGS

01:11:01The girls are sold out, dancing with them, but the workers aren't supposed to be happy yet.

01:11:28The girls are sold out, dancing with them, but the workers aren't supposed to be happy yet.

01:11:58The girls are sold out, dancing with them, but the workers aren't supposed to be happy yet.

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