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Watch How I Met Your Mother () Duel Citizenship ( AMZN WEB DL x265 Silence) Season 5 Episode 5 online in HD on Dailymotion (2005).
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00:01Kids, as you know, Aunt Robin grew up in Canada.
00:04That meant sometimes she dressed a little differently.
00:07Okay, let's do this!
00:10Sometimes she talked a little differently.
00:12Ted, this Hydro Bell is bigger than Louis Sir's biceps.
00:16What, you leave the garburetor on all night, eh?
00:20She hung out at different bars
00:21and enjoyed leisure time a little differently.
00:24Don't wanna go! Don't wanna go!
00:28Make fun of the Great White North all you want.
00:30It's the best country in the world.
00:32Mm-hmm.
00:33Social experiment.
00:35U.S.A.
00:37U.S.A.
00:38U.S.A.
00:40U.S.A.
00:41Okay, okay. You know, what does that even prove, okay?
00:44You chant anything, people will join in.
00:47Canada!
00:49Canada!
00:50Canada!
00:51Okay, they won't chant anything.
00:53Shrimp fried rice!
00:55Shrimp fried rice!
00:57Shrimp fried rice!
00:59Shrimp fried rice!
01:00Shrimp fried rice!
01:02Shrimp fried rice, totally!
01:04Anyway, speaking of food, Marshall, I got some bad news.
01:08Just read online, Gazzola's is closing.
01:10No!
01:11What's Gazzola's?
01:12A filthy mecca of spectacular, if undercooked, pizza
01:15located at 316 Kinsey Street, Chicago, Illinois.
01:18Back in college, Ted and I used to take these crazy roadshows
01:21from Connecticut all the way to Chicago just for a Gazzola's pizza.
01:2422 hours.
01:25No map.
01:26We just jump in the Fiero and drive.
01:28We were like Lewis and Clark.
01:29If Lewis and Clark peed in empty soda bottles and had a bong made out of a cantaloupe.
01:34Man, those Gazzola's trips, that's where we really became bros.
01:38Mmm.
01:39We ate nothing but jerky.
01:40Drank nothing but tantrum.
01:42Ah, tantrum.
01:44Tantrum was a soft drink with the highest caffeine content legally available over-the-counter.
01:49It was eventually discontinued after an extensive study by the FDA.
01:57Oh man, we went through a whole case of tantrum one trip.
02:00I was colorblind for two weeks after that.
02:02I think that's the reason that I pass out when I hear church bells.
02:06You know, it's probably a good thing they're closing Gazzola's.
02:08Those trips were brutal, right?
02:10The long hours in the car, the motion sickness, the smell.
02:14So what time are we leaving for Gazzola's tomorrow?
02:15I was thinking 9, 9.30.
02:16Mmm.
02:30I am ready to hit the road.
02:32I got baby wipes.
02:33I got a variety of jerky.
02:35I got six cans of tantrum.
02:37Well, four.
02:37One burned through the can, the other one I drank already.
02:41Tantrum!
02:42I am so psyched.
02:44Marshall and I haven't done something just the two of us.
02:46For so long.
02:47Ever since he got married, he's turned from an I to a we.
02:50What do you mean?
02:51Think about it.
02:52Hey, I haven't seen you all week.
02:54How you doing?
02:54We're doing great.
02:57Did you watch the Jets game?
02:58We most certainly did.
03:01How'd things go at the doctor?
03:02We no longer have a hemorrhoid problem.
03:08Hmm.
03:09You guys will not believe this.
03:10I've been talking to my lawyer all morning.
03:12You know that guy I had a slight disagreement with at the hoser hut?
03:15He's filing assault charges.
03:18I broke his nose with a chair.
03:20And now, apparently, I might end up getting deported.
03:23Oh, my God.
03:23That sucks.
03:24Yeah.
03:24I'm gonna go do push-ups in the kitchen.
03:26Cantrum!
03:28Well, there's only one possible way to avoid getting deported.
03:31My lawyer said I can become an American citizen.
03:34Perfect. Problem solved.
03:35Welcome aboard.
03:36Well, it's not that simple.
03:37I'm a Canadian.
03:38I was born there.
03:40My family's there.
03:41It's who I am.
03:42I know.
03:43And it's provided us with a lot of laughs.
03:45But, Robin, if you want to live here, work here, and throw chairs at people here, you have to do
03:51this.
03:51Well, there's a citizenship test tomorrow.
03:54What's it?
03:54I'll think about it.
03:55No!
03:56You have to do it!
03:57I'll help you study.
03:58We're gonna stay up all night long.
04:00I'm gonna drill you, and then we're gonna study.
04:02No, seriously.
04:03We're gonna do some cramming, and then we're gonna study.
04:06No, seriously.
04:07We're gonna bone up on...
04:08Okay, Barney.
04:09Sorry.
04:09It's a rich area.
04:11But, you know, it's not gonna be easy, this test.
04:14It's not like the Canadian citizenship test.
04:16How do you know the Canadian test is easy?
04:18It's Canada.
04:20Question one.
04:21Do you want to be Canadian?
04:22Question two.
04:23Really?
04:24Oh.
04:25Ted!
04:26Ted!
04:27Check it out.
04:28I got black coffee on the left.
04:29I got tantrum on the right.
04:30Do you have a phone book?
04:31Yes, I do.
04:33I don't know why they make phone books anymore.
04:34Everything's online, right?
04:38Tantrum!
04:38Tantrum!
04:40All right.
04:40Let's hit the road.
04:42You invited Lily?
04:43We most certainly did.
04:48I don't know if you caught that, but he did the weed thing.
04:49Yeah, I heard him.
04:55Road trip!
04:56So you guys want to talk about bitches?
04:58I'm kidding.
04:59They're called women.
05:02All right.
05:03Next stop, Chicago.
05:06I have to pee.
05:07What?
05:08Didn't you have gone before we left?
05:09I did.
05:09I just pee a lot.
05:11You'll see.
05:19Don't worry.
05:20We'll get out on the road.
05:21It'll be just like old times.
05:22It wasn't.
05:24I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more.
05:31Sugar snap pee?
05:33Pee.
05:34That reminds me.
05:35I have to pee.
05:59Oh, hey, Ted.
06:00You can't have to go again.
06:01It's not humanly possible.
06:03No, I was just going to say, maybe we should listen to something.
06:05Oh, that's a great idea.
06:07I think I have some jerky boys.
06:09Oh.
06:09Goodbye, Sparky.
06:10It's an audio book about a boy and his dog.
06:13Made Elizabeth Hasselback cry.
06:16Goodbye, Sparky by Nick Liotti.
06:19Read to you by Kenny Rogers.
06:21Oh.
06:22Chapter one.
06:23When I first saw Sparky, he reminded me of my favorite comb.
06:27He was missing a lot of teeth, but I loved him anyway.
06:30Mother was fit to be tied every time he used her prized rhododendron to do his business.
06:36That reminds me.
06:38I have to pee.
06:40How many stars are on the flag?
06:42Fifty.
06:43One for each state.
06:44What are the first ten amendments to the Constitution called?
06:46The Bill of Rights.
06:47Look, Barney, I know all this.
06:49I'm ready.
06:50Ready for the test, maybe.
06:51But ready to be an American?
06:53Not on your sweet life.
06:54For you to be an American, we gotta get the Canadian out of you.
06:57That's why I've created these questions.
07:01Question one.
07:02Who is this?
07:04Queen Elizabeth II.
07:05No.
07:05The answer is Elton John.
07:08Question two.
07:09What the hell is this?
07:11Oh, curling.
07:12Um, it's a sport.
07:13Play...
07:13Wrong.
07:14The answer we were looking for was, I don't care.
07:16It's dumb.
07:17Let's go buy something that's bad for us and then sue the people who made it.
07:21That's American, Robin.
07:23Because Sparky loved chasing a ball and it didn't much matter what kind.
07:28Tennis ball.
07:29Baseball.
07:30Wiffle ball.
07:31Golf ball.
07:32Basketball.
07:33Beach ball.
07:34Gum ball.
07:35A grapefruit, which isn't actually a ball, but it's round like a ball.
07:39A football, which isn't round, but it's still technically a ball.
07:43Indian rubber ball.
07:45This ends disc seven.
07:47The audio book continues on disc eight.
07:53Disc eight.
07:54Lacrosse ball.
07:55Volleyball.
07:56Oh my God, Lily.
07:57Please tell me you have to go pee.
07:59Yeah, I do.
08:00It was the worst trip ever, but then it got worse.
08:04Well, don't worry.
08:05Next exit's the hotel.
08:06We can go there.
08:07Hotel?
08:09Crumpet Manor is listed in the American registry of historic bed and breakfasts.
08:13Our door is open on Christmas day, 1881, and we have catered to couples ever since.
08:21Well, I mean, single people can have fun here too, right?
08:24Oh, I suppose I could arrange a little recreation.
08:27Do you enjoy sitting on a bench?
08:31And by the end of the night, Barney had turned Robin into a real American.
08:35I want to say Jefferson?
08:38Correct.
08:39Archie Bunker's neighbor was George Jefferson.
08:41Oh, Booyah.
08:43I am nailing this.
08:44God, I am buzzing on America right now.
08:46Hold your horses.
08:47Now, to prove that you are as American as apple pie and the childhood obesity it leads
08:52to, who is this?
08:56That, Barney, is the American actor, beloved by millions, the Haverne guy from the popular
09:04series of Ernest Films.
09:06And his name?
09:09Jeff Foxworthy.
09:12Jeff Foxworthy?
09:13No.
09:14It's Jim Varney.
09:15You're kidding me.
09:16You don't know that?
09:16Uh, that's Jeff Foxworthy, dumbass.
09:19End of story.
09:19Now, shut your stupid face.
09:21Not only are you wrong, but you are belligerently sticking to your guns and insulting me in the
09:28process.
09:29Robin Scherbatsky, you are an American.
09:37Look who's back from the wishing well.
09:40Didn't work.
09:41I'm still here.
09:43Marshall, what are we doing?
09:44We should be on the road.
09:45Look, Ted, we're not in college anymore, okay?
09:48What?
09:48We don't have to drive all night.
09:49Yeah, besides they have a spa.
09:51What kind of treatments do you offer?
09:53Well, all our spa treatments are designed for couples.
09:56Would you be interested in the two-person cornmeal body scrub?
10:01And then finally it happened.
10:03Marshall and Lily globbed into one big married glob.
10:07We'd love a cornmeal body scrub!
10:11Whoa.
10:13I gotta dial back on the tantrum.
10:17Oh yeah, I'm gonna be an American, y'all.
10:21Maybe I'll rob a liquor store.
10:23Maybe I won't.
10:24My choice.
10:25Learn English!
10:30The hoser hut.
10:32I could duck in for a drink.
10:34No, no, that life's behind me.
10:36Forget it.
10:38Well, I could go in for just one beer.
10:40What's the harm in that?
10:41It's a free country.
10:42Oh, Canada.
10:46Our home and a land.
10:50We've got a message.
10:51We've got a message.
10:52True way to talk.
11:00Hey, man.
11:01Shh.
11:02Sorry about what I said before.
11:04You want to go to the store and get some beer?
11:08Lily is asleep.
11:10I suppose I could reschedule my pedicure.
11:13What the hell?
11:14But only light beer because we have a couple seconds in the morning.
11:21Dude, why are we pulling onto the highway?
11:26Ted, where exactly are we going to get this beer?
11:30Chicago.
11:36What are you doing?
11:37We can't just leave Lily when she wakes up.
11:39She's gonna freak.
11:40She'll have a back rub and a crumpet.
11:42She'll be fine.
11:43Relax.
11:43So fine.
11:45I just abandoned my wife.
11:47How am I supposed to have fun?
11:49I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more days.
11:56Hey, you really think Lily's pissed?
11:57If she's pissed, she's pissed.
12:01When Barney finally tracked down your Aunt Robin, it wasn't a pretty sight.
12:05Good morning.
12:06Good morning.
12:09Barney?
12:11Oh, my God.
12:12What happened last night?
12:14You went Canadian.
12:17How Canadian?
12:20This Canadian.
12:24Oh.
12:25That was supposed to be a dramatic view of the Toronto sky.
12:28You're in Toronto.
12:29Oh, my God.
12:32Okay.
12:33It's coming back to me.
12:35I, uh...
12:36I went into the hoser hut.
12:38Oh.
12:39And I met this...
12:40women's curling team.
12:42We started drinking.
12:44And the next thing I know, they're inviting me to a Bryan Adams rich little double bill in Toronto.
12:49But how did you find me, anyway?
12:51You called me.
12:52Said you were never coming back.
12:54So I jumped on a plane, flew across the Atlantic.
12:57Canada isn't across the Atlantic.
12:58You're talking nonsense.
13:00Now, listen.
13:02You slipped up.
13:03It's fine.
13:03But the test is in a few hours.
13:05Barney, I'm not taking the test.
13:07God, you're still drunk.
13:10Look, I appreciate your help, but who am I kidding?
13:14I'm Canadian.
13:15I always will be.
13:17Now, that's ridiculous.
13:19We're gonna get some coffee in you.
13:21We'll sober you up and get you back to New York for that test.
13:25But, before any of that, we're gonna do it on this bed, cause hotel room.
13:32Okay, let's get some coffee.
13:35A little rubbery.
13:37Room temperature.
13:38Kinda gross.
13:39Making me wonder if this pizza is worth the 22 hour drive.
13:42Just like old times.
13:44I feel so young again, except for the chest pains.
13:47But this crust is so good.
13:49What is the secret to this crust?
13:50It's no big secret.
13:51It's made of cornmeal.
13:54Cornmeal.
13:56We'd love a cornmeal body scrub.
14:00I can't believe you guys are closing.
14:02I can't believe we're still open.
14:04Gotcha!
14:06These are getting bigger.
14:11It's like an entire country without a tailor.
14:14Yeah, give me two coffees.
14:16350, please.
14:17Hey, what'd you think of the game last night?
14:19What game?
14:20The Leafs beat Edmonton?
14:22Beaujame went five hole in OT.
14:25Yes, I missed it.
14:26Oh, sorry. You're American.
14:28Here's your change.
14:29I'm not American.
14:30American money?
14:31Didn't watch the Leafs game?
14:32No please or thank you for the copy?
14:34You sure don't seem like a Canadian.
14:40What's wrong?
14:41Other than the fact that this $5 bill they gave you is blue.
14:45Well, I'm not American and apparently I'm not Canadian either.
14:49And there's kids playing hockey on the back.
14:53It's like you want us to make fun of you.
15:00I don't want this anymore.
15:01Dude, don't look at it as a rookie mistake.
15:04We shouldn't have left Lily.
15:05Why don't you still worry? Why don't you give her a call?
15:07I have. I left her like 20 messages.
15:09I said, I'm sorry, please forgive me, it's all Ted's fault.
15:13What exactly is Ted's fault?
15:15This! This whole thing!
15:16We were having a perfectly nice trip and then you kidnapped me!
15:18You didn't even let me put on underwear!
15:20We never used to put on underwear!
15:25That was the fun of a bro's trip to Gazzola's.
15:27We left everything and everyone behind.
15:30It was just you and me.
15:31But now it's like you disappeared into Lily.
15:34That is not true.
15:35It is true.
15:36You're not upset because you're worried she's mad.
15:38You're upset because you'd rather be with her eating muffins
15:40than here with me eating this delicious...
15:42I think one of my mushrooms just crawled away.
15:46You know what? That mushroom's not the only thing that's leaving.
15:52Car keys, please.
16:08Look at his money.
16:09This one has a moose, this one has a beaver,
16:12and then I'll have Elton John on the back.
16:16When I moved to the States, I swore to myself I wasn't going to change.
16:20And yet, here I am in the most Canadian place in the universe,
16:23Tim Hortons, around the corner from the Hockey Hall of Fame.
16:27And I don't belong.
16:29It's like I don't have a country.
16:32Okay, that's it.
16:35Attention, Canada.
16:37I am Barney from America.
16:40And I'm here to fix your backward-ass country.
16:43Number one, get real money.
16:45Don't know what board game this came from, but it's a joke.
16:49Number two, and this is the biggie,
16:51quit letting awesome chicks like Robin Scherbatsky get away.
16:56Because, guess what?
16:57You don't want her?
16:58I'm planting my flag in her, if you know what I mean.
17:01Which you probably don't.
17:02And getting her the hell out of here.
17:04You may now return to being pointless.
17:13Oh, this coffee is excellent.
17:18Oh.
17:19Hey, fellas.
17:21It's called a tie.
17:34Sparky was my best friend.
17:37But after I married Helen,
17:39old Spark started to feel a little left out.
17:42For so long, it had been just me and him.
17:45But now he suddenly felt like Helen had taken his place.
17:49What Sparky didn't realize was,
17:51even though I loved Helen, I still loved him, too.
17:55I had room in my heart for both of them.
17:58But maybe I should have put aside
17:59some special ball-tossing time just for the two of us
18:02to make sure Sparky knew that he was a good boy.
18:06I wish now I had,
18:08because old Sparky ran out in front of a Cadillac
18:11and got splattered like a watermelon in one of them Gallagher shows.
18:15I'm sorry, Dad.
18:16I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry.
18:18I never should have been mad at you.
18:19No, I never should have brought Lily.
18:20She pees all the time, even at the apartments.
18:24Still bros?
18:26Best bros.
18:29Hey, you want to crank some Van Halen just like old times?
18:32Hells yeah.
18:34Or listen to the Sparky book again?
18:35Listen to the Sparky book again.
18:36Okay, let's listen to it again.
18:39Man, those Canadian doctors bandaged me up,
18:42reset my jaw, put my shoulder back in its socket,
18:45and they didn't even bill me, idiots.
18:49All right, I guess they're not idiots.
18:52The coffee was extraordinary.
18:55I guess Canada's not so bad.
18:58If they play their cards right,
19:00maybe they could even become a state someday.
19:02Barney, I've thought about this.
19:05When you stood up and told off those people, I thought,
19:09yeah, America's cool.
19:10Hmm.
19:11And then when those guys pounded the stuffing out of you,
19:14I thought, yeah, Canada's pretty cool too.
19:17In fact, after you passed out, I may have taken a few pokes myself.
19:22So I've decided, dual citizenship.
19:25I'm going to be American and Canadian.
19:28Wait, you can do that?
19:29Yeah, dummy.
19:30Instead of being a woman with no country,
19:32I'm going to be a woman with two.
19:35I see.
19:36You understand?
19:38No, I can see out of my left eye again.
19:49Hey, baby.
19:51Baby.
19:52No?
19:53I'm so sorry that we left you.
19:57Yeah.
19:58Did you go somewhere, sweetie?
20:03Yes, kids.
20:04It turns out Crumpet Manor had pampered Lily
20:06into a nearly comatose state of relaxation.
20:09She didn't even notice we were gone.
20:13Mmm.
20:17Oh.
20:21Oh, yuck.
20:23Okay.
20:24So I had a great time too.
20:26That's good.
20:27I'm so sorry you didn't get any pizza.
20:29Oh, that's okay.
20:31And if she didn't mean it then,
20:32she certainly meant it 19 minutes later.
20:35God, my stomach!
20:36Damn you, Gazzolas!
20:38It's like a hot bowl of lead!
20:42Baby, cut it out of me.
20:44Cut it out!
20:50That was a wild trip, Hot Ten.
20:52I know, it was kind of crazy.
20:53But how great is it to drink some tantrum again?
20:56You know who had fun was Lily.
20:58Lily drank like four cans of this stuff.
21:00Right, Lil?
21:02Where's Lily?
21:03Tantrum!
21:05I have to get you.
21:06Yeah!
21:28And I'll see you in the next video.
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