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Watch How I Met Your Mother () Jenkins ( AMZN WEB DL x265 Silence) Season 5 Episode 13 online in HD on Dailymotion (2005).
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00:01Kids, when you're in your 30s and live in New York,
00:03there's a few places you just never want to be.
00:06Times Square on New Year's Eve,
00:08Rockefeller Center around Christmas time.
00:10Yeah.
00:10But most of all...
00:11A college bar? Oh, man.
00:14We're probably gonna run into my students.
00:15They're gonna corner me and want a free lecture.
00:18I don't even have my slide projector.
00:20Ted, I've been skee-ball champ here since law school.
00:23I have to pop in at least once a month to maintain my record.
00:26Whoa! Looks like you've been gone a while.
00:28Some guy named Big Fudge has been cleaning up.
00:31Yeah, he has.
00:33And you're Big Fudge. The biggest.
00:36Um, so, by the way, I have to tell you something.
00:39Yeah.
00:39I, uh, invited Jenkins.
00:42Jenkins? No way!
00:44We'd all started hearing about Jenkins a few weeks earlier.
00:46You guys will not believe what Jenkins did this time.
00:50Who's Jenkins?
00:51Oh, he's this hilarious new lawyer at Marshall's office.
00:55Hilarious.
00:56Okay, so, there's this jar of marachino cherries in the fridge at work.
01:00So, Jenkins says,
01:02200 bucks, I'll eat the whole jar.
01:06So, we give Jenkins 200 bucks.
01:10And Jenkins ate the whole jar!
01:17Jenkins.
01:19And after that, the stories kept coming.
01:21So, the CFO comes in to sign some acquisition papers.
01:24So, Jenkins goes,
01:26Excuse me, Mr. Wilcox.
01:28I think we forgot one of the documents.
01:37Jenkins!
01:39Jenkins!
01:39So, we all go out for beers after work.
01:42Jenkins gets up on the table and starts gyrating like some sort of deranged stripper.
01:47Next thing you know, off comes the shirt!
01:50It was so gross!
01:53Jenkins!
01:55Gross!
01:56Well, it'd be great to finally meet the famous Jenkins after all those stories.
02:00Yeah.
02:01And there's about to be one more story.
02:03I'm gonna bang Jenkins.
02:05What?
02:05You heard me.
02:06You wanna have sex with Jenkins?
02:09With Jenkins, on Jenkins, near Jenkins, you name it.
02:13I wanna wear Jenkins like a sock.
02:16You...
02:16But you're...
02:18Haven't you all...
02:19I'm...
02:20Really?
02:20Hey, guys.
02:22Ted, this is Jenkins.
02:24Oh!
02:39This is gonna sound crazy, but I thought Jenkins was a guy.
02:44What?
02:44That's crazy.
02:45What gave you that idea?
02:47Oh, I don't know.
02:47Maybe the whole Jenkins peed out the window of a cab story?
02:50Yeah.
02:50Much more impressive now, isn't it?
02:51Yeah.
02:52Okay, I'll come clean!
02:54It all started a few weeks ago.
02:57By the way, Four Eyes, new lawyer.
02:59This is Jenkins.
03:00Watch out for this guy.
03:01He steals stuff.
03:02I don't steal stuff.
03:05And I don't wear glasses.
03:08I'm Marshall.
03:09Hi, Marshall.
03:10So, are you really a Vikings fan, or was he lying about that, too?
03:14Why?
03:15Is this a trap?
03:16Are you a Packers fan?
03:17My wife knows I'm here.
03:18She doesn't have money, but what she does have is a very special set of skills.
03:22I'm a Vikings fan, too.
03:24I bleed purple and gold.
03:25I'm from Pelican Rapids.
03:27Pelican Rapids?
03:28No way!
03:29Yeah!
03:29My grandpa lives in Pelican Rapids.
03:31Well, I mean, he's dead now, but he haunts a barn off Route 108.
03:34Wait.
03:35Whoa!
03:36Hold it, hold it, dude.
03:37If you tell me you have a thing for a woman that is not your wife, I will drag you
03:40outside
03:41and kick your ass.
03:42Okay.
03:43First of all, come on, buddy.
03:45You can't handle the fudge.
03:47Second of all, no, I think of her like a big brother who, I guess, has boobs.
03:53But so was my oldest brother, Marvin Jr.
03:55Anyway, that night, I told Lily about it.
03:58Jenkins.
03:59Aw.
03:59I can't wait to meet him.
04:01I should have corrected her.
04:03It would have been so easy.
04:05But I didn't.
04:07So, after that, whenever I talked about Jenkins, I always avoided pronouns.
04:12So, the head of marketing comes in to choose people for the Midwest Audit.
04:15So, he goes, him, him, her, him, him, Jenkins, him, her.
04:23Look, I don't understand why you wouldn't just tell Lily.
04:25Do you really think she'd be all that jealous?
04:27Ted, think about those stories I told you.
04:44Yeah, I could see how that'd be a problem.
04:47Exactly.
04:48That's why Lily can't find out.
04:50Lily can't find out what?
04:51That Marshall's gonna buy her a horse.
04:54You are?
04:55That is so awesome.
04:57I love those things.
05:00Guys, why is that kid over there staring at me?
05:05I think I know what this is.
05:07I think it has finally happened.
05:09I'm getting recognized for my show.
05:12Oh, Robin, that is so cute.
05:15But that's Scotty.
05:16He's one of my students, and he's looking at me.
05:19How weird is it that I'm more famous than you?
05:21Not at all, because you're not.
05:23I'm on TV.
05:24Yeah, and I have 30 students in my class.
05:26That's what, 30 times your viewership?
05:28Now, this will give Scotty a little thrill.
05:30Buying a drink for the old prof.
05:33All right, Scotter, one question about neoclassical architecture, and that is it.
05:38But you're Robin Chbotsky, right?
05:39What?
05:40Yes, I am.
05:42Wow.
05:42Look, I didn't mean to stare.
05:44It's just, I watch your show all the time.
05:48Really?
05:49Really?
05:50Totally.
05:52What are you doing now with Ted?
05:54Uh, it's Professor Mosby.
05:56We're friends.
05:57Holy crap!
05:59Robin Chbotsky's friends with my econ professor!
06:02It's architecture!
06:03All right, you know what, Scotty?
06:04You're a crowd mess.
06:04Hit the bricks.
06:07Wait a minute.
06:07You're a big fudge.
06:08Yo!
06:12Hello?
06:13Hey, baby, I'm on my way up.
06:15What?
06:16Why?
06:16There was a measles outbreak at school, and they called a half day.
06:19Thought I'd come by here, have lunch, maybe give you the measles.
06:24Okay!
06:26Um, I have a problem.
06:28That was my wife.
06:29When I first mentioned you, she mistakenly thought you were a guy, and so...
06:32So now you're worried that when she finds out I'm a woman, she's gonna totally flip out?
06:36Yes.
06:37Exactly.
06:37Oh, jeez.
06:38Oh, gosh.
06:39Okay, okay.
06:39I was in an improv group in Pelican Rapids.
06:41Follow my lead.
06:42Okay.
06:44Hey!
06:45Hey, baby!
06:46Oh, oh, hi.
06:48I'm Lily, Marshall's wife.
06:50Hi, Lily.
06:51I'm from the French Embassy.
06:52I'm here because of a small but significant cheese incident that occurred.
06:57She's Jenkins!
07:04You're Jenkins?
07:06Yeah, well, that, uh, camembert crisis isn't gonna resolve itself, so I'll catch you guys
07:11on the flip-flop.
07:12Marshall cringed.
07:14This was the moment he had feared.
07:15The famous Jenkins!
07:17How about that?
07:18Funny, I was picturing a guy.
07:20Anyhoo, lunch?
07:22Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
07:24So you're not jealous at all?
07:26Oh, sweetie.
07:27I never have to worry about you with another woman.
07:30Right, because we're so hopelessly in love, right?
07:33Yeah, sure.
07:35Anyhoo, lunch?
07:38She wasn't jealous at all.
07:39Of course she wasn't jealous.
07:41That's the whole dynamic of your relationship.
07:43What's that supposed to mean?
07:44Uh, it's like this, my man.
07:46Every good relationship has a reacher and a settler.
07:49Exactly.
07:50One person reaches for someone out of their league.
07:53The other one settles for someone below theirs.
07:55I did not settle for Lily.
07:58Okay, yes.
07:59She's a little short.
08:00And true.
08:01My mom says she doesn't have the hips to birth an Erickson child, but it...
08:06Oh, my God, you guys think I'm the reacher.
08:08That's why Lily's not jealous.
08:09The settler is never jealous of the reacher, because where's the reacher gonna go?
08:14The settler, Lily, is the best thing that the reacher Marshall is ever gonna get.
08:18No.
08:19Okay, yes, I'm lucky to have Lily, but Lily is just as lucky to have me.
08:25Okay?
08:26Neither one of us is the reacher.
08:28Dude, you are so the reacher, you're getting her a horse.
08:33What?
08:34Shh.
08:35Take the hit.
08:36Take the hit.
08:39Thus ending Modern Architecture's very brief experiment with the V-Frame house.
08:47Um, excuse me for a second.
08:50What are you doing here?
08:51I noticed you forgot something this morning, so I thought I'd bring it by.
08:55Your pen.
08:56This is your pen.
08:57And you chewed on the end of it.
08:59Recently.
09:00Uh, not a problem, Ted.
09:01Your class was on my way to work.
09:03No, it's not.
09:03At, come on, get up New York, where I'm an anchor, so...
09:07I watch your show all the time.
09:10What?
09:11You watch the show?
09:13Oh, well, paint me flattered.
09:15Any other fans out there?
09:16Oh, we got over there.
09:17Okay.
09:18All right.
09:18Thanks for coming by, Robin.
09:19Well, tune in tonight.
09:20I'm doing a great piece on snail poison.
09:25Also, who's got the worst pizza in New York?
09:27I'll give you the answer after traffic on the ones, threes, fives, and nines.
09:32Really?
09:33You guys watch her show?
09:35It's like watching a well-lit aquarium, but not as interesting.
09:38Now that I think about it, not as well-lit.
09:41The truth is, we'd watch it for the drinking game.
09:45The who now?
09:46Her morning show comes on so early, we're usually still at the bar.
09:50So, whenever she does an interview, you have to drink every time she says,
09:54But-um.
09:56But-um?
09:57But-um.
09:59Apparently, she says it a lot.
10:01It's funny.
10:02I had a drinking game based on Robin, but it was actually on Robin.
10:06I'd pour peach schnapps in her belly button.
10:07Dude, we agreed we wouldn't do this.
10:08Sorry.
10:09You're right.
10:10She didn't like it anyway.
10:12Said it woke her up.
10:15Does she really say But-um that much?
10:17That night, we found out just how much she said it.
10:20Oh, that's great.
10:22But-um.
10:22But-um.
10:28But-um.
10:30But-um.
10:31But-um.
10:32But-um.
10:32But-um.
10:33But-um-
10:33But-um.
10:34But-um.
10:34But-um.
10:35But-um.
10:35But-um.
10:36But-um.
10:36But-um.
10:36But-um.
10:38Ergebnis?
10:42You like that?
10:49Interesting article in the paper, it says that in every relationship there's a reacher
10:53and a settler well let me see it no it's not in this newspaper it's in one i read a
10:59while back
11:00this newspaper reminded me of the other newspaper anywho what do you think about that i guess
11:07sometimes that's the case but not in ours what no of course not right well say gun to your head
11:20you had to say one of us was the reacher well i'd say it's neither that's what makes us great
11:28okay now there's a gun to my head and our future children and our future cat or monkey depending
11:35on who wins the game of risk we've been playing for three years nope no reacher no settler
11:40mm-hmm well how about this this went on for a while until finally our two kids our eight grandkids
11:53our 11 great grandkids are all on a plane piloted by oprah and it's about to crash into an art
12:01museum
12:02with all of your favorite paintings and the only way the only way to save everything is just it's just
12:07to answer the question are you the reacher or the settler and oprah's tried everything everything
12:15you have to decide now well i guess if i had to say then maybe i'd say i'm the subtler
12:25how could you say
12:26that she thinks that she's the settler i mean that's it i gotta i gotta prove to her that i
12:33am not
12:33the reacher i gotta make her jealous well that's easy here's the plan step one sleep with jenkins
12:39step two i sleep with jenkins first step three we do step two first i'm gonna go get started on
12:45step
12:45two okay okay i got something remember the other night the ski ball game when you were putting nothing
12:52but wood in the 50 hole whatever just another night for big fudge
13:19you thought she was into me full-on lady wood yes of course
13:25course a plan taketh shape if lady lily's jealousy young marshall cannot budge then perchance fair
13:37gentle's big fudge can make her jealous okay let me try that again if lady i got it buddy i
13:45got it
13:48ted i have got a great idea oh is it clean your hair out of the shower drain when you're
13:54done seriously
13:55it's like you're trying to carpet the tub if you wanted to print out one of your lectures or
14:00something i could read it on air coming from a more entertaining source uh your students might
14:07actually pay attention and learn something oh you're entertaining last night there was three
14:12minutes of dead air while you sewed a button back on your sweater look just because your class likes me
14:18more than you you're a drinking game what that's why they watch they made a drinking game out of you
14:23every time you say but um they do a shot but um yeah i don't say but um i've never
14:31said but um well
14:32then i guess it's not a very good drinking game which would mean last night when barney and i played
14:36it i didn't get super wasted and throw up all over myself oh wait i did both of those things
14:42so face
14:48hey jenkins hey buddy hey so um lily and i are going to go back to that college bar again
14:54and uh
14:55we were wondering if you maybe you wanted to come uh you could just like watch me play skeeball or
14:59do exactly what you did the other night something like that it's really up to you i mean i know
15:04that's
15:23hey baby what are you doing home baby that's that's a name i don't deserve what jenkins kissed me
15:33she kissed me i guess the other day she saw me play skeeball and i don't know i guess she
15:39caught
15:40some of the big fudge fever but you have to know i stopped it right away and just you're the
15:46only one
15:46for me baby oh i see what this is this is about the whole reacher settler thing come again for
15:55big
15:56fudge you want to make me jealous so you're making up a story about jenkins i'm not making this up
16:03this happened that woman kissed me with tongue her her tongue was in my mouth sure it was
16:10it was thick and rough like a starfish arm oh i'm so jealous i'm not gonna go over there and
16:17punch her
16:17right now know who's give her a knuckle sandwich come on baby you want some soup it happened do you
16:28have any split p left these are just a few of the many contributions he made to architecture and yet
16:37he is only remembered for one thing that my friends is the sad legacy of gregorio franchetti gazebo
16:47any questions hey do you want to go drinking with us tonight what yeah we were gonna play the robin
16:53shabatsky drinking game we were wondering if you wanted to join us well what can i say except
16:59bottoms up can i still come i'll pay so your third book was your breakout novel but um damn
17:18sorry but just but no um just but your first novel was written more quickly oh that's correct but um
17:28butto how great is this and it was right then that robin got an idea that would end the drinking
17:38game forever i wanted to ask you about the novel you're writing right now but um it's an idea you've
17:46had for uh but um time but um no no no don't drink it's a trap i think i'm gonna
17:55go and keep your ten
17:56bucks okay but um thanks for being with us but um if there's any college kids watching but um we
18:05have
18:05the drink professor it's the rules she's set but um god help us all
18:17there you are bro i'm so sorry i kissed you yesterday that's okay and i'm sorry i had sex
18:24with you in the mail room that wasn't me oh good grief that's two awkward conversations i have to have
18:29today i i don't normally do that i i was really drunk you were drunk at eight in the morning
18:35yeah
18:36i don't know how that happened i thought snail pellets were safe but um i gotta get to work
18:50man that game is really catching on how could i do this it's okay no you know what it's not
18:56okay
18:56you're the nicest guy in the stupid office and i really don't want to screw up our friendship
19:01this is so embarrassing please don't tell anyone no who am i gonna tell lily i told lily
19:09for pete's sake well i gotta go talk to her i gotta apologize no no yes marshall i'm just gonna
19:15tell her that it happened that it meant nothing and that i'm sorry no i
19:23yes yes do that yeah yeah and if you don't have time for all that just tell her it happened
19:30and
19:31that you're sorry and if you're in a real rush you don't even have to say i'm sorry just tell
19:34her that it happened that's the important part that it actually happened so emphasize that as much
19:40as you can and so lily i guess what i'm saying is it happened i feel terrible about it and
19:47i'm really
19:47sorry well it happened what are you gonna do it happened terrible and like i said it happened exactly
19:59and i feel awful about it and i'd hate myself if what i did hurt you in any way or
20:04affected your
20:04relationship with marshall please forgive me kiss my husband my husband nobody kisses my future baby
20:12daddy but me marshall you're blocking the shot and kids your uncle marshall never tried to make lily
20:21jealous again well that's good okay we're just gonna have a nice low-key class today
20:36not a lot of talking no loud noises
20:43sup guys no no no no please just just go away i just wanted to drop by and say
20:53thanks for watching come on get up new york
21:02i don't know
21:04i don't know
21:20i don't know
21:22i don't know
21:27i don't know
21:33you
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