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Watch How I Met Your Mother () Definitions ( AMZN WEB DL x265 Silence) Episo Season 5 Episode 1 online in HD on Dailymotion.
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00:08Kids, on my first day as a college professor, there were two things I didn't know that I
00:12wish I did. The first thing was that your mother was in that classroom. The second thing? Well,
00:24to explain that, we have to go back to the beginning of the summer, when after a year
00:28wrestling with their feelings for each other, Barney and Robin, finally, well...
00:33Woo! Lily, all you use your indoor loop. Sorry. It's just they kissed. They're finally a couple. Oh, my God,
00:42you guys. This is our first double date. First of millions. What if our kids get married? Oh, I love
00:49this. Yeah. Lily, listen. Barney's awesome.
00:55Robin's more than just awesome. She's awe quite a bit. She's awe whole darn lot. Wait. What are you saying?
01:03I was just not feeling it right now, but we'll totally still be friends. Oh, yeah. Is it something I
01:11did? Oh, no, no, no, no. God, no. Lily, it's not you. It's us. Yeah, it's us. You understand, right?
01:18Sure. Of course. As long as you're happy, I'm happy.
01:24We were gonna take cooking lessons together, and we were gonna go on camping trips together, and then we were
01:32gonna sit around telling funny stories about our cooking lessons and our camping trips.
01:37I know. I know. I know. So, has the boat sailed on sex tonight, or...?
01:48After that, the summer went by way too fast, until all of a sudden, it was the Friday before my
01:53first day as a college professor. Whoa. Oh, boy. What's this?
01:57It's just a little something that we got for you that used to belong to my favorite professor of all
02:04time.
02:07A fedora. Hmm.
02:13I'm Indiana Jones. I'm Indiana Jones!
02:17That, my friend, is the Dominator 8,000. The best bullwhip on the market, according to my whip guy. Yeah,
02:23I have a whip guy.
02:26You know what we should do? We should finish our drinks, go out in the alley, and whip stuff.
02:30God. You just get me.
02:34Okay, I should get going. I got a date.
02:36Oh, you still seeing that guy?
02:37Uh, even better seeing him naked. What?
02:40I should go, too. I hooked up with this Chinese girl last night, and I don't know. It's weird. I
02:45already feel like seconds.
02:49Okay, Ted, you got first whip.
02:52All right.
02:53Hey, dummy. What did I tell you about smoking in here?
02:57Make him whip the habit. I'm so excited about this whip. I got whip fever. Just whip him, Ted. Don't
03:03even aim. Just whip him.
03:05I'm so sorry.
03:06Well, it's just the whip's not a toy, Ted. There's such a thing as common sense.
03:09Hey, you can whip me in if you want. I will. It's another time.
03:18Whoo!
03:33So, how long has this been going on?
03:37All summer.
03:39I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.
03:42boyfriend and girlfriend. Whoa. Hey, baby. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wow. Whoa. Girlfriend. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
03:48Lily. How about it? Slow your roll there, Lily. Yeah, yeah. Okay. We've been together all summer.
03:52I don't get it. Okay, it's like this. After we kissed, we sat down to have the talk. We should
03:59figure out what this is. Yes, we should. Yeah. Or, or. Okay, now we have to figure this out. Yes,
04:10we do. Or. Or.
04:18We kept trying to have the talk, and then we realized we hate the talk. Yeah, the talk sucks.
04:24You have to, like, talk and be all, I don't know. It's not that I don't like you. It's just
04:30that I
04:30haven't had a girlfriend in a really long time. I hope it doesn't make you mad. Blah. Who needs it?
04:35You needs it. Guys, you can't just keep hooking up and not at least try and figure out what you
04:41mean to
04:41each other. Yeah, we knew you would say that. That's why we kept it a secret. Well, that and the
04:46fact
04:46that elaborate lies really turn us on. No, no, no, no. You need to define the relationship. You need to
04:53have the talk. Or, or. I know what you're all thinking. Who's this cool peer of mine up in front
05:05of the class? Well, I know the board says Professor Mosby, but to you, I'm Ted. Huh?
05:15Question. Awesome. Hit it. Yeah, here's my question, Ted. Who the hell do you think you are?
05:22Yeah, Ted. We're supposed to learn from you? You failed as an architect. Well, and if you're
05:28a professor, where's your hat and your whip? They're at home. I... And where are your pants?
05:33Oh, my God. Oh, God. Barney, it was awful. I was teaching. Shh, Ted. Now's not a good time.
05:43Where do you keep your condoms? I am freaking out. I don't think I can do this. Okay, look,
05:50mistake number one was taking that girl's question. You don't take questions on the first day. It
05:55shows weakness. Mistake number two was you should have hit that. Dude, your pants were already off. You
06:02were able to cheer you on, and you can't knock her up because it's a dream. Class dismissed.
06:07Well, mistake number three. Dude, where was the hat? Because if you're not going to wear it,
06:10I'm taking it back. I think what Barney's saying is that definitions are important. You're their
06:16teacher, not their friend. Exactly. If people don't know their place, nobody's happy. Amen.
06:22You have to make things clear. Ron, tell that. Define the relationship. Yes. No. Lily,
06:30private convo time. Lily, can't you just let us be happy? You're not happy. You just think you're
06:39happy because you feel happy. Then that's not happy? Of course not. You and Robin need to have
06:45the talk. Why? Give me one good reason. I'll give you 20. Wow, you can't even think of one. Headlights
06:51dear. Lily, for the last time, things with me and Robin are as good as they can possibly be.
06:57Oh, hey, look. Brad's here. I've got two tickets to the Rangers-Canucks game tomorrow night. I know
07:03you're a hockey fan, so I was thinking. Uh, oh, um, uh... What do I have to do? Put a
07:10gun to your head?
07:13Buy a six-pack? Oh, come on, Brad Betts. Wow, there's really six of them. Uh, but, uh, I can't.
07:20Why not? You have a boyfriend? Nope. Nope. No boyfriend. Great. It's a date. Hey,
07:28Bart. Hey, Bart. I just thought of a reason.
07:39The next night, Robin and Brad went to a hockey game. You're probably wondering why I've been quiet
07:44all night. Um... Damn it, Hornichoke! If there's another give me like that, I'm gonna come down there
07:51and put a slapper right up your beer hole! Come on! Not really. The truth is, I feel kind of
07:58weird
07:58being out with you. Oh, man. Is this the talk? What? No, this is good. Let's get it all out
08:05of
08:05the way. Robin, I'm looking for something serious. No, Brad, no, it's... Before we go any further,
08:11you should know something about my stuff below the belt. I was born a little different. God, no,
08:17uh, Brad, no. Um, this is about me and Barney. You and... Oh, oh, so you guys are... Well, we
08:24don't know
08:25what we are. I mean, my heart says leap into it. My brain says it's a bad idea. Sounds like
08:30you guys
08:30need to have the talk. We're not gonna have the talk. Would you just have the talk? Okay, it's a
08:36five-minute
08:37conversation, and then you get to have sex afterwards. It's great. Back me up, Ted. I don't think
08:43the talk is necessary. What? Thank you, Ted. Because Robin is already his girlfriend. What? A Karen's
08:50four? Four years ago. How do you keep a girl from becoming your girlfriend? Simple. The rules
08:56for girls are the same as the rules for gremlins. Gremlins? Gremlins. Rule number one, never get
09:02them wet. In other words, don't let her take a shower at your place. Number two, keep them
09:07away from sunlight, i.e., don't ever see them during the day. And rule number three, never feed
09:12them after midnight, meaning she doesn't sleep over and you don't have breakfast with her, ever.
09:19What about brunch? Is brunch cool? No, Ted. Brunch is not cool. Okay, new topic. How do I pick
09:28a tie? Simple. Remember in the movie Predator? I've done all three of those things with Robin.
09:35Is she my girlfriend? Just once, I wish you guys would call me on tuxedo night.
09:44Ladies and gentlemen, time to pucker up for the New York Rangers kiss tag.
09:49Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.
10:06Hey, Brad. Brad, we can't fight like this all night. We both got some good shots and let's call
10:13the truce. It's okay, dude. You shouldn't go kissing
10:17some other guy's girlfriend. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Girlfriend? Come on.
10:21That's when I get a bit struggling. A bit struggling. Okay.
10:24A girlfriend's a bit much, Brad. Okay.
10:28Okay, seriously, we're at the point of physical violence. Now, will you please have the talk?
10:35Because of that? Come on. That's my thing. I'm always punching guys. Girls. I'll punch a baby. I don't care.
10:45Finally, my first class had arrived. For real this time. I knew I had to make a strong impression.
10:51I had thought of everything, except... Wait. Does Professor have one F or two?
10:56Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Professor. Professor. They're all staring at me. Professor.
11:03Ah, I don't know. Just do something. Two Fs. That looks right. I think that's right.
11:27Hey, sorry I went a little too far last night. Ah, look, we've been over this. Unless I say flugelhorn,
11:32you haven't gone too far.
11:34No, I meant punching Brad. Oh, right. Look, don't even worry about it. It's... Oh, God. Doorknob's broken off.
11:42We're locked in here. Did you do this? No. Flugelhorn. Did you do this? No.
11:50Ted? Ted, are you out there? Ted's not here, Robin. Lily, let us out of here.
11:56I'd be glad to. Just as soon as you and Barney have the talk.
12:07Lily, come on. Let us out. No. Sit down. Define the relationship. Write down that definition on a piece of
12:14paper. Slip it under the door. And if I like what I read, you can go.
12:18We are not having the talk. Then you'll die in there. You're gonna lock us in here? Well, guess what?
12:24Maybe we'll spend the whole day having sex.
12:27Well, guess what? I brought Marshall with me, so maybe we'll do the same.
12:32Hey, guys.
12:35I still hadn't decided what kind of professor I wanted to be. Authoritative or cool guy?
12:41I thought I would decide in the moment. And I did. About 20 times.
12:46Good morning.
12:47What's up, dudes? Silence!
12:52This is Architecture 101. I am Professor Mosby.
12:57But you can call me Ted. Professor Mosby. T-Dog. Do not call me T-Dog.
13:10Never take questions on the first day. It shows weakness. Also, don't look right here.
13:19Okay. Good luck, Pisces.
13:22This was it. My crossroads moment. What kind of professor was I gonna be? I had to decide.
13:30Please save all your questions until the end of the lecture. Thank you.
13:35Now, Professor Mosby had arrived. Of course, if I had taken that girl's question, who, by the way, was not
13:41your mom.
13:42Your mom was sitting, wait, let me finish this real quick. Here's what that girl would have said.
13:48I'm sorry to bother you, Professor Mosby, but this isn't Architecture 101. This is Economics 305. You're in the wrong
13:56classroom.
13:57Yes, I was in the wrong classroom. And thus began the most humiliating seven minutes of my life.
14:02Here's your think about it for the day. Every single person in this room is already an architect.
14:08Architect?
14:17We're just hanging out.
14:19Just hanging out. Not good enough.
14:23Not good enough!
14:26Can anyone here tell me what this class is really all about? Economics?
14:35No, no, no, no. Don't laugh. He's not entirely wrong. An architect must be economical in his use of space.
14:44So, well done. Looks like someone's building towards an A. Huh?
14:54We're seeing where things are going.
14:58I'll tell you where things aren't going. Out of that bedroom. Not good enough.
15:03Not good enough!
15:07You. Why do you want to be an architect?
15:10I don't want to be an architect.
15:14Yes. Yes, exactly. It's not something you want to be. It's something you need to be.
15:19You don't have a choice, right? None of you has a choice. No questions!
15:27We're Barn Man and Robin.
15:31Oh, come on. You've got to admit, that's kind of funny, Lily.
15:35Not good enough.
15:37Not good enough!
15:39So, if any of you have even the slightest inclination to do anything with your life other than become an
15:46architect, you're wasting my time and yours.
15:49There's the door. You can go.
15:53I'm serious! Get out! Now!
15:59Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, wait, wait! Don't all leave!
16:03Architecture's fun! Look, I brought a hacky sack!
16:05Sorry I'm late, everyone. My name is Professor Cal Zanetti. This is Economics 305. You may return to your seats.
16:13Sorry, sir. This is, uh, Architecture 101. Who invited their dad, right?
16:19Young man for the last 28 years, Economics 305 has been taught right here in Building 14, Room 7.
16:27Uh, yeah. Buddy, I'm sure 200 architecture students and their professor all got the room wrong.
16:32T-Dawg, you're in the wrong room, bro.
16:39College kids, out of my way!
16:42Sorry. Coming through.
16:48Excuse me. Coming through.
16:5520 minutes late on your first day? That's rough.
16:59Yeah, but here's the funny thing.
17:00By that point, I didn't have time to think about what kind of teacher I was gonna be.
17:04I just got up there and talked about architecture.
17:08And it was kind of great.
17:09That's awesome, Ted.
17:11Congratulations, buddy.
17:12Thanks.
17:12Nice job, Ted.
17:14Hey, Ted, door five!
17:16Were you there?
17:17Yeah, I got you, buddy.
17:19Still haven't had the talk, huh?
17:21I think I know how to speed things up.
17:28Oh, not cool!
17:32Pancakes.
17:34Fresh bacon.
17:35It's so yummy.
17:38Dude, I'm starving.
17:40Let's just have the stupid talk.
17:43Come on.
17:43Fine.
17:45But how do these things even work?
17:47What do we say?
17:48Ahem!
17:53Huh.
17:54Where do you see this relationship going?
17:56Oh, my God.
17:57That sounds so cheesy.
17:58I know, right?
17:59Totally.
18:01But, um...
18:02Where do you see this relationship going?
18:06I don't know.
18:08I mean, it's not like I don't like you.
18:10I just haven't had a girlfriend for a long time.
18:13I hope that doesn't make you mad.
18:15Mad?
18:16I feel the same way.
18:17I suck at relationships.
18:19I mean, except with Ted.
18:21Man.
18:22He really got it right.
18:23I know it's a cliche, but...
18:26he really ruined me for other men.
18:28Of course, I wasn't in the room for this conversation,
18:30but I have to imagine Robin said something like that.
18:34Maybe we should go back to being just friends.
18:37Maybe.
18:39But, um...
18:40I don't want to stop having sex.
18:42Oh, good.
18:43Me neither.
18:45Yeah, friends isn't gonna work.
18:47Nope.
18:48We're not good at being friends.
18:49We're not good at being in a relationship.
18:50What are we good at?
18:52I know something we're good at.
18:53I don't know.
18:54If we're gonna do it again, I'm gonna need some Gatorade or something.
18:56No!
18:56No, not that.
18:58Lying.
18:59Think about it.
19:00We spent the whole summer lying about being just friends.
19:02Why not just keep lying?
19:11Really?
19:12Yeah, really.
19:14We sat down.
19:15We had the talk.
19:16Barney's my boyfriend now.
19:18And Robin's my girlfriend.
19:19I know it sounds nuts, but it feels good to say.
19:22We're both afraid of commitment, but the fact is, we also can't live without each other.
19:27And if the alternative is not being together, then it's worth taking this risk, because she's awesome.
19:34And he's awesome.
19:36He looks nice in a suit.
19:38She can handle her scotch.
19:40He's my boyfriend.
19:42And she's my girlfriend.
19:52No!
19:57She bought it.
19:58Hook, line, and sinker.
20:00We are good.
20:01Oh, totally.
20:01Mmm.
20:02So, you wanna get some breakfast?
20:04You know, brunch actually does sound kinda good.
20:07Hmm.
20:08Well, lead the way, sweetie pie.
20:10Whoa, flugelhorn.
20:11Yeah, that felt wrong.
20:12Oh.
20:24You do realize they were lying, right?
20:27No, Ted.
20:28They don't realize they weren't lying.
20:30Cause I'm crazy for them.
20:33Oh, hello.
20:43Hello.
20:44Good evening.
20:45Hello.
20:46Don't get up.
20:47Didn't we meet on a yacht?
20:48Hello.
20:52What?
20:54Oh, no.
20:55Did I not tell you guys that it was tuxedo night?
20:58Doesn't feel very good, does it?
21:06I was so terrified and I was like, what's this guy who says?
21:06Just as you get back on a yacht and I'm a kid.
21:09No matter what I'm trying.
21:12But I love you guys at all.
21:15Okay, so that's a beautiful sailor.
21:17I'm a dad.
21:17I love you.
21:17I love you, honey.
21:18I love you, honey.
21:18And I your brother.
21:19I love you.
21:21I love you.
21:21You love you, honey.
21:24You're a nice little sailor.
21:24You're a nice little sailor.
21:24I love you, honey.
21:25I love you.
21:28I'm a lot of einfaccess.
21:30And I love you.
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