- 22 hours ago
First broadcast 21st January 1993.
When Arthur starts a courier service, the Daley Post, it is a predictable disaster, since his penny-pinching has bought radio equipment that does not work.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Nicholas Day - D.S. Morley
Jonty Stephens - D.C. Field
Ben Chaplin - Conway
Ian Bartholomew - Ralphy
Nick Dunning - Keef
Brian Hibbard - Rabbit
Elaine Lordan - Trish
Sara Stewart - Susie
Christopher Ettridge - Jehovah's Witness
Jeff Rawle - Jehovah's Witness
Richard Brenner - Big Malc
Roger Martin - Marks
Annie Lambert - Laura Kaye
When Arthur starts a courier service, the Daley Post, it is a predictable disaster, since his penny-pinching has bought radio equipment that does not work.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Nicholas Day - D.S. Morley
Jonty Stephens - D.C. Field
Ben Chaplin - Conway
Ian Bartholomew - Ralphy
Nick Dunning - Keef
Brian Hibbard - Rabbit
Elaine Lordan - Trish
Sara Stewart - Susie
Christopher Ettridge - Jehovah's Witness
Jeff Rawle - Jehovah's Witness
Richard Brenner - Big Malc
Roger Martin - Marks
Annie Lambert - Laura Kaye
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:15That look like your best good riddance wave, Arthur.
00:18Another heritage export from yours truly.
00:20London's street names to Frankfurt.
00:22Old Gunter says they're going down a bomb with a crowd of youth.
00:25Yeah, did you slip him the hole of that job lot you got from the council?
00:28Job lot? Certainly not.
00:30A random selection raiment from the tub of history that is London.
00:33What do you reckon they do? Stick them on their walls?
00:35Probably. Plus, I'm concerned they can do what they like with them once they've paid for them.
00:39I kept this back, though.
00:40The Germans tried to get Daly Street during the Blitz and failed.
00:43They're not going to get it now.
00:44Here, don't tell me you've got a taker for that lot.
00:47Look at this.
00:48Oi, come away from that. I've got plans for all that.
00:50But it's ancient, Arthur. Came out of the heart.
00:52No, it didn't. And get your history right.
00:54Noa did not run a minicab firm.
00:57This is nearly new gear.
00:58Yeah. Well, Circo, very recent.
01:00Now, come away. We've got things to do.
01:26So, in short, what I'm doing here is building a team.
01:30Not just an ordinary team. Anyone can do that.
01:32I want the A team. The best.
01:35That is what we are after here.
01:37Nothing less will do.
01:38You see, son, you have your ordinary businessman and your business visionary.
01:42You are in the company of one such.
01:45I'm not ashamed to admit that in my role of business visionary, I gazed out on our great capital in
01:52all its architectural glory,
01:55firing one or two new bits, and I said to myself, just what is it this city needs?
02:02The man's a nutter. He's a nutter.
02:11Oh, yes.
02:12It's Barbara, isn't it? Do sit down, my dear.
02:17Well, Barbara, what I'm looking for is a voice.
02:20Yes. Compris?
02:24Well, when my customers ring up, the first thing they hear is a voice. Yes?
02:33First impressions.
02:34In that suspended moment, that voice tells them everything about my business.
02:42Now, Barbara, are you that voice?
02:48Have you ever been to an interview before, Barbara?
03:02Next.
03:03Have you had any experience, my dear?
03:05Oh, yeah, loads.
03:07Uh, well, no, I mean, uh, with telephone exchanges, PBX, all that.
03:11Ah, she always works for me, Governor.
03:12Oh, yeah?
03:13Yeah.
03:13Yeah, we don't want any of that, not while you're on the job.
03:16If you work for Arthur, Dave, couldn't you do something about Arthur?
03:19Sorry, Dave, I've never been able to do anything about Arthur.
03:22Well, look, you know I'm not a snob, but this is a membership club.
03:25We do have some standards, and Arthur is definitely lowering the tone.
03:30What's your name, my dear?
03:31Uh, Mary Patricia Mercedes O'Regan.
03:34What?
03:35Oh, Trish will do.
03:36Trish?
03:37T-R-I-S-H.
03:39So, uh, what's it all about, then, Dave?
03:42Well, apparently he's holding staff interviews.
03:45Right, that's it, then.
03:47I'll see you on Monday.
03:48Right.
03:48Um, I'll get off.
03:51I'll see you later.
03:52See you later, love.
03:53Ta-ra.
04:00See you, lads.
04:02Here, Chief, where's the bog?
04:04Through the back, mate.
04:06And don't write nothing on the walls.
04:10Cheer up, Dave.
04:11Things are looking up.
04:12Yeah, Dave was just saying that.
04:13Aren't you, Dave?
04:14Well, don't hang about, Dave.
04:15Wet the glassware.
04:16I'm about to propose a toast.
04:17Oh, yeah?
04:18What till this time?
04:19See that, Ray?
04:21Cynicism.
04:22That is why Dave is on that side of the bar,
04:23and I'm over here with a fresh Havana.
04:26Cynicism has no place in the repertoire of a successful entrepreneur.
04:29You remember that, Ray, and you'll never be a barman.
04:32Gentlemen, you are privileged to be present at the inception of London's newest and brightest courier service.
04:38What?
04:38You heard me, Dave.
04:40Gentlemen, I'll give you a toast.
04:41The Daily Post.
04:45I just wondered where you got the idea from.
04:47Where do flashes of genius originate?
04:49Ours not to know, Ray.
04:51Ours but to push on and harvest the reddies.
04:53Yeah, but you've roped in some pretty tatty personnel, Arthur.
04:55You can see the ones I turned down.
04:57Besides, Ray, never judge a book.
04:59That rabbit is the oldest surviving dispatch rider in London.
05:03He could go on mastermind.
05:04London streets, Chiswick the Bow, he'd knock them dead.
05:07Yeah, but there's so many outfits around, Arthur.
05:09It's highly competitive.
05:10Have I ever been known to shirk the cut and thrust, eh?
05:13Did Chippendale chicken out because he found the world was full of tables?
05:16Not a bit of it.
05:17He carved a niche for himself.
05:19A style all his own.
05:21Raymond, the metropolis may be buzzing with dispatch firms,
05:24but there will be only one Daily Post.
05:26When you put it like that, Arthur, history says I've got to believe you.
05:29Raymond, I had a dream.
05:31In this callous world of cowboys and tat merchants,
05:35selling a short, cocking it up, and generally not giving a monkey's,
05:39somewhere in all that, the business community is looking for a loyal carrier.
05:44Someone to whom they can entrust their innermost communications.
05:48And who is that loyal carrier?
05:50Daily Post.
05:51The very same.
05:52We will be mercury personified, and probably just as cheap.
05:57You're bearing in mind the relevant inflation.
06:01And anyway,
06:03mercury didn't have overheads, did he?
06:19The Metropolitan Centre, you morons!
06:21All right, all right.
06:22It's an industrial estate, not a bleed-no-tell!
06:24Oh, what a distance!
06:26Greenford!
06:27Tell him Greenford!
06:28I've told him, ain't I?
06:29Oh, tell him I can look the 840 to the 4127 and round the back, through the avenues!
06:34Oh, it's like talking to a wall on you!
06:36Give me a fixer and drop it off!
06:39Green, don't bang it, tune in!
06:46Daily into Europe, communications division, managing director of speaking.
06:51Oh, Gunther, you've taken receipt of our heritage package, have you?
06:54They dropped down to Chelsea.
06:56The street names, Gunther, street names.
06:57Strasen Armour.
07:00Why, what's wrong with them?
07:02No, no, no, no, they are all bona fide London street names.
07:08No, no, they're not Pall Mall or Carnaby Street.
07:11They can't all say that, can they?
07:12I mean, they only minted a few of them.
07:14Call him when you're POB.
07:15No, no, no, Gunther, what you have got there
07:18is a slice of history rarely glimpsed by your average tourist.
07:21How are you, Wally?
07:22Unknown?
07:23There's no such thing as an unknown London street name.
07:26Where is Stanhope Gardens, N8?
07:28Runs right off Green Lanes.
07:30Looks like it's going to the hospital, but it's a dead end.
07:33Gunther, history happened in these places.
07:37What happened in Willoughby Road, N8?
07:39That's where Midge pranged his Suzuki.
07:42Gunther, are you trying to tell me
07:43you have never heard of the siege of Willoughby Road, North 8?
07:47Well, it was in all the papers at the time.
07:49No, no, no, Gunther, that is not even halfway reasonable.
07:52Gunther, I would not do a...
07:54Hello, Gunther?
07:58Churchill was right.
08:00Trying to make a bit of a Neville Chamberlain out of you, is he?
08:03You may be the oldest surviving dispatch rider in London,
08:07but this is the inner sanctum
08:09where only the favoured few may tread.
08:11Get my drift, rabbit?
08:13Right then, hop it.
08:15I'll keep reading, but there's no answer.
08:17Then try again.
08:19There must be someone in there expecting it.
08:49Ah, good morning to you, sir.
08:50I wonder if I could interest you in a very special service.
08:55The daily what?
08:57After all, Mr Morley,
08:58how often are police vehicles out on mundane pursuits
09:02when a crime wave splashes all over us regardless?
09:05I mean, take the other day, for instance.
09:07I couldn't help noticing a police transit van
09:10stopping outside Sergeant Belmont's gaff.
09:12And what came out the back?
09:13A dozen of our uniformed finest?
09:15No.
09:16A flash new gas cooker with a see-through oven
09:18and an eye-level grill.
09:20Now, you know me, Mr Morley.
09:21I am not one to carp about the misuse of police resources.
09:24But surely there is a role for the private sector here.
09:28You know what, Phil?
09:29If they handed out Oscars for pure bloody cheek,
09:32you wouldn't be able to move in Arthur Daly's locker.
09:35I mean, think about it, Mr Morley.
09:36How often have you had bikes and cars tied up,
09:39ferrying paperwork from the Nick to some court or other?
09:42Now, listen, Daly.
09:44If you think I'm going to entrust vital police evidence to you,
09:48anyone employed by you,
09:49or anyone who's ever even heard of you,
09:51you've got another thing coming.
09:54Oh, there's no helping some people.
09:58Greenford, you trash head.
09:59What are you doing in bloody Guildford?
10:01Oh, he ain't in Guildford.
10:02He bloody is.
10:25Oh, there you go.
10:26That's what the Daily Post has to offer.
10:28As you can see, our rates are very competitive.
10:30You mean the same as everyone else?
10:32Well, we have a flat rate for the West End and Sydney
10:34and then a carefully worked-out rise
10:36for each postal area beyond the centre.
10:38Just like everyone else?
10:40Yeah.
10:42Yeah, and for a few select clients, like yourself,
10:45we have a special introductory offer.
10:47No waiting time charge for the first two months
10:50and a 10% discount on your first month bill.
10:54You're on. We'll give you a try.
10:56Yeah?
10:56Why not? We've tried everyone else in London.
10:59It can't be any worse than the outfit we're using.
11:01They'll screw up sooner or later.
11:03We won't.
11:04You will.
11:04Well, let's not fall out about that now.
11:07Now, most of the work involves these.
11:11Running them across town to photographers
11:12or over to the magazines and back, you know.
11:16Right.
11:17Well, then, here's your kit to start with.
11:22This has got rates, numbers to call, all of that.
11:27Great.
11:30First account?
11:31What?
11:32No, no, no.
11:33We're just really busy.
11:35Yep.
11:35A really busy firm, you know.
11:37I've, uh...
11:39Yeah.
11:40We'll have to start somewhere,
11:41so why not start with you?
11:43Hey, she's not in.
11:45Hey!
11:46Hey!
11:47Look, I've told you over and over,
11:49there's no problem.
11:50Miss Cable sent it to you.
11:51Yeah, but when?
11:52When she gets back.
11:53That's when.
11:54Look, it's being dealt with.
11:55Will you now please go away?
11:58Now, you listen to me.
11:59Oi, oi, oi.
12:00It's all right, it's all right.
12:01We know, um, there's just some confusion.
12:03Look, it's being dealt with, all right?
12:06Now, will you please go?
12:07I'm not leaving here without it.
12:09Oi, pal.
12:10You heard what the lady said.
12:12Go.
12:25Will you come in, Foxy?
12:27Here, we lost Foxy.
12:28Eh?
12:29I didn't know we had a Foxy.
12:30We did, eh, but we lost him again.
12:32It's your east-west signal, mate.
12:33Control to Foxy!
12:35Come in, you deaf wally!
12:37With a voice like that, it beats me why we need a radio at all.
12:40It's your beam, see?
12:42Now, cos we bounce off the I-gate transmitter,
12:44they can all pick up your north-south signal.
12:46This equipment's crap!
12:47But when you get into an east-west street with the I-buildings, forget it!
12:50Can you hear me?
12:52Or you get Foxy.
12:53You mean I'll pay that all this money for a signal that won't go round corners?
12:56What is happening to science in this country?
12:59What's that in about?
13:00What?
13:00It's the Warnock brothers.
13:02Ralphie and Keefe.
13:04Fill me in, I'm not conversing.
13:05They run most of the courier firms this side of town, among other things.
13:09What else they run?
13:10Most of the girls I went to school with.
13:13They're starters.
13:31You must be the legendary Alpha Daly.
13:34Heard so many stories, I feel like I know you.
13:38Same goes.
13:39I feel I know you, Keefe.
13:40Ralphie.
13:41Oh.
13:42Keefe.
13:43Oh.
13:47Well.
13:48Well?
13:50Well, come on in, Arthur.
13:52Put the kettle on.
13:55You mean you didn't recognise him?
13:56He's with her all the time.
13:58Chat shows, photo sessions, interviews.
14:00Him and June Granger, she's old enough to be his mother.
14:03Yeah.
14:04We call him Toy Boy Number Four.
14:06Cheers.
14:07His name's Jamie Conway.
14:09He's mad about it.
14:10They're really obsessed.
14:12So what's his problem with you?
14:13Oh.
14:14Well, before she became the big Hollywood success, she was a model.
14:17We represented her.
14:18Great body.
14:19Well, apparently, she did a portfolio of nude pictures a few years ago.
14:23And now he's after them.
14:25He's paranoid the papers will get hold of them and tarnish her wonderful image.
14:29Laura said she'd send them back, but then she went off on holiday and forgot all about it.
14:33I don't know where they are.
14:35Well, when you find them.
14:36We'll send them straight to June Granger and get rid of the maniac Toy Boy.
14:41Laura's due back tomorrow.
14:42Look, if you need any help in between time, I'm...
14:44Oh, I've wasted enough of your time already.
14:46Well, no.
14:47No, you haven't, actually.
14:50But we're not as big as we used to be.
14:52Nowhere near.
14:54Amalgamated two of the biker outfits, let another one drift.
14:58We're not pushing hard on the dispatch front.
15:00We're diversifying.
15:02Not locking them, mind.
15:03I had a good little earners.
15:05But you need the right punters.
15:07Media, Arthur.
15:08Media?
15:09Video production, publishing, ad agencies, art studios, photographic printing, all that sort of thing.
15:16Well, thank you very much, Keith.
15:18That's very helpful.
15:19No skin off our noses, Arthur.
15:21Sir, any help you need, give us a bell.
15:24Happy to get you started.
15:25In fact, here's a few names to chase up.
15:28Oh.
15:29Tell them.
15:30They got the hump with us for some reason.
15:32Probably looking for a change.
15:34See, that's the nature of the business, Arthur.
15:36What, people always looking for a change?
15:37No, people always getting the hump with you.
15:40And if you need an extra van urgent, just ring us.
15:42We'll have one over here.
15:44And if we need an extra bike or two, we bell you.
15:47You get the job.
15:48That way, your punter's always happy, and we all got the business.
15:52That's how it works, Arthur.
15:53That's the nature of the business.
15:54Same right across London.
15:57It all looks highly competitive on the surface, but one half owns the other half, and we all
16:03work for each other.
16:04That's the nature of the business.
16:07Hey.
16:08You can see why he's a legend.
16:19Well, what do you want, sir?
16:21Whatever you want.
16:23Erm...
16:45Look, Ray, is this really necessary?
16:47I only suggested a bit to eat.
16:48Yeah, but look at the places you suggested.
16:50I can't go like this.
16:51It'll only take two minutes.
16:55How about that for an offer?
16:58Come in, come in.
17:00Look, I'll only be a sec.
17:02Just want to get out this collar and tie.
17:04Been in it all day.
17:06So, this is how today's modern sales rep lives.
17:11Look, erm...
17:12I'm not really a sales rep.
17:14Well, now he tells me.
17:16He lures me into his flat, takes off his jacket, then tells me he's not what he pretended to be.
17:22No, I'm...
17:23I'm really a minder.
17:26So you can feel quite safe with me.
17:32Nice one.
17:33The bed's clear.
17:35Here, hang about.
17:37Oh, there you are, Ray.
17:38Arthur, what is all this about?
17:40Come on, I've got bikers coming out of my bedroom.
17:42This is my flat, Arthur.
17:43Yeah, of course it is, Ray, of course it is.
17:45But for the moment, it's also the Daily Post overnight security archive.
17:49You what?
17:50I was going to take a room above that turkey bab place,
17:52but the grease floats up through the ceiling, something rotten.
17:55And all the mail would have got blotchy.
17:56It's only for a short time.
17:57You bet it is.
17:58Just as soon as I get it out of here, I'll beckon your moat.
18:00No, Raymond, Raymond, you're talking about our bread and butter.
18:02We expand and survive.
18:05We change and profit.
18:06It's the nature of the business, Raymond.
18:07And we offer storage as well.
18:09We open up all sorts of new works.
18:10It ain't opening up in my bedroom.
18:12I, er...
18:12I think I'll leave you two to slug it out.
18:15Eh?
18:15Sorry, Ray, I'm pushed for time already.
18:17I'll grab a quick salad at the veggie.
18:19Bye, Ray.
18:22Raymond, say goodbye to the lady.
18:24Here, Susie.
18:25Wait a minute.
18:27Oh, arseholes.
18:34Well, if you didn't do it, who the bloody hell did?
18:37Not me.
18:37Okay, okay, roger, roger.
18:39Bloody bikers.
18:41Minicab wasn't like this.
18:42We never had a bloody passenger go missing in a minicab.
18:45Yeah, well, parcels do.
18:46It's a known fact.
18:47One in 32, I think it is.
18:49You bet, eh?
18:51Go on.
18:51Tell Thatcher's uncle he's got a dissatisfied customer.
18:54Okay, he's picked up, but we didn't deliver.
18:56I ain't telling him what hang about.
18:58I'll go through these jobs again, you get on the blower,
19:00and this time I'll come straight
19:01who picked up from Laura Kay Models yesterday.
19:07Otto, you sure you can't do something with them?
19:10I think they'd be a grabber with Austrian youth.
19:13Well, we'll search through.
19:15You'll probably find a Vienna Avenue or a Prague place or something.
19:18What exactly did he look like?
19:19Oh, is it?
19:20Well, the bottom line is you sign for them.
19:23Eh?
19:24Why not?
19:26Well, Gunter must have signed for them then.
19:27It's down to him.
19:29No, no, that is not possible.
19:31They cannot still be in transit.
19:33But, Otto?
19:35Otto?
19:36Control to all bikes.
19:38Rattle your brains a bit, okay?
19:40Somebody picked up, so somebody must have delivered...
19:43Ralphie, Keefe, Arthur.
19:46Lovely.
19:47Magic.
19:48How goes it, Arthur?
19:49Sweet as a nut, lads.
19:50Building up a very healthy client base,
19:51and your dissatisfying's are keeping us very busy.
19:54Got a few more of those for you, Arthur.
19:56Ooh.
19:57Busy outfit.
19:58Very good pairs.
20:00Shame they got the hump with us.
20:02Claiming there was a breakage.
20:03Ha, a bit exaggerated, really.
20:05Something got a bit dropped.
20:07Forty packaging, of course, but you can't tell them.
20:09Nature of the business.
20:10Well, think, you plonker, think!
20:14Who the hell did you deliver it to?
20:16The customer wants to know, and she wants to know now!
20:20If she ever gets the hump off,
20:21well, you know which way to pass her.
20:23Engage your brain!
20:27Good God, it's true!
20:30People are actually trusting daily with their mail.
20:33A bit like posting things into a black hole.
20:40The Brothers Warnock.
20:49Same again, Dave, please.
20:50Coming up, Ray.
20:52You're Ray, are you?
20:54Don't want to speak out of turn,
20:56but I thought that courier business of Arthur's was straight.
20:59It is, Dave.
21:00Why?
21:01Just that I've heard some ugly whispers concerning Arthur
21:04and the company he's keeping these days.
21:06Must be the opposition, Dave.
21:08Who couldn't be doing better?
21:09Well, the word is Arthur is working for some very iffy people.
21:13You sure there's nothing dodgy?
21:15Everything's fine.
21:16Business couldn't be better.
21:17Now, that business,
21:18it wouldn't have nothing to do with the Warnock brothers, would it?
21:21Well, yeah.
21:22They supply most of Arthur's clients.
21:24You're his mind, Array.
21:26You're supposed to look after him.
21:27Stick another half in there, Dave.
21:28There.
21:39You're so powerful.
21:39Go on.
21:40hoch hop.
21:42Go-rak-
21:42Come on.
21:58Come on.
21:58Come on.
21:58No, no, no.
22:12Busy little outfit.
22:31Look, I don't think you've grasped my drift.
22:33I have an arrangement with the bank.
22:34You take your wages checks along there and they cash them.
22:37I cannot and I will not write out a cheque saying pay rabbit.
22:40I want all your real names.
22:41I don't believe it. I don't believe he said that.
22:4515 years in a dispatch business
22:47and that's the first time that anybody's asked me for me real name.
22:50Well out of order.
22:51Get over there.
22:54A word after.
22:56I'll make sure it's the right word. I've been having a terrible morning.
22:58I've been checking this client list. It's iffy.
23:00There is nothing wrong with my client base.
23:03I've been handing some very choice punters.
23:05We've been run off our feet in the last couple of days.
23:07You'd have noticed if you hadn't been off adding females to your collection.
23:10Yeah, Governor.
23:11And have you seen our security archives?
23:12You sorted it out.
23:13Have I seen it? I've been trying to live in it.
23:15Arthur, if I'd wanted a gaff like that,
23:16I'd have rented out a British Rouse sorting van.
23:18All right, Ray. All right.
23:19Look, if a business is to be successful,
23:22sacrifices have got to be made.
23:23Why is it always me?
23:24And there's a difference between sacrifice and exploitation.
23:26Now, look, don't start getting all political.
23:28It's only a few parcels.
23:30Oh, it's more than that.
23:31Midge's mum's got a bank account.
23:32If you'd put her money in there,
23:33I'm sure we'd be able to sort...
23:36Arthur, some of these people don't exist.
23:39It's true, I've been there.
23:40Goldleaf Productions is an empty office.
23:42So are they.
23:43And them.
23:44And these two are bloody box numbers in King's Cross.
23:47So?
23:48Raymond, who are we to judge our paying punters?
23:51A man has a divine right to organise his business
23:53how he pleases and from where he pleases.
23:56OK, then.
23:56At the end of the month, where are you going to send the bill?
24:00You'll leave the bill in to me.
24:01They owe me, I'll find them.
24:03These people come to me with assurances and guarantees.
24:05They're highly recommended.
24:07And they're a lot less trouble than the ones you dug up.
24:09Eh?
24:09This model madam of yours.
24:11The Laura Kay woman.
24:12You think she'd never lost a parcel before in her life.
24:16Arthur, you haven't.
24:17Of course we haven't.
24:18It's been misfiled in transit.
24:19He'll turn up.
24:20I'm optimistic.
24:21Oi!
24:22Mr Daly.
24:23It's her again.
24:24Ah, look-see.
24:25Now she's getting hysterical.
24:26I told you to keep away from the media.
24:29Oh, go on.
24:30She's your client.
24:31Go and stall her.
24:32Calm her down so we can have another look round.
24:36Oh, go on!
24:46The Warnocks and Daly.
24:49Daly and the Warnocks.
24:52Sounds like a really naff band, doesn't it?
24:54You know, the sort that topped the bill down...
24:57Well, I mean, the obvious connection is they're all in the dispatch biz.
25:02We all know dispatch is just a front for the Warnocks.
25:05They're into illegal gambling, ticket outs, God knows what else.
25:10I'd dearly like to know what they're up to.
25:15Where are you on?
25:17Oh!
25:18You're not here!
25:19Hey, look, I'm going to pacify your boss, but I think I'd better start with you first.
25:22Er, no, Ray, I think I'd better start with her.
25:24Come on.
25:24Where is he?
25:25Tell me where he is!
25:26You again!
25:28Just stay out of it, all right?
25:29It's not your business.
25:30Just stay right out of it!
25:31Don't try any ass of women or what I do, eh?
25:33Don't hit him, Ray.
25:34No, please.
25:35No violence here.
25:36It's all right.
25:36He's just...
25:37He's just a nuisance.
25:38I've told him what he wants, he's not here.
25:39Just...
25:40Just please make him go away.
25:42Get out.
25:43Come on, get out!
25:52Look, I know this is none of my business, but...
25:54That's right, it isn't.
25:55Um, now, if you'll excuse us, we have a little tidying up to do.
26:00Well, if there's anything I can do...
26:02Susan, show this young man out, will you?
26:04Come on.
26:10Yeah, I told you to bell me if that little creep came back.
26:12What's she still bugging her for?
26:13I thought she'd give him the portfolio.
26:14She tried to.
26:15So what's the problem?
26:17The problem, dear Raymond, is that she didn't hand it to him personally.
26:19The problem is that we handed it to the Daily Post, who promptly lost it.
26:23Uh, miss filed in transit?
26:24What?
26:25It's the nature of the business.
26:27Yeah, does that nuttler know who had it last?
26:28Well, he does now.
26:29We just told him.
26:30That means he'd be chasing after Arthur.
26:47Hey!
26:48What's your game?
26:53Hey, Dave, have you seen Arthur?
26:55He's been in today, right?
26:56You can leave a message if you're talking to myself.
27:01You can't do that.
27:02That's against the law.
27:03You are tampering with Our Majesty's mail.
27:05Shut it.
27:06You're a private carrier.
27:07This is royal mail in all but name.
27:10Look, look, this is all storage.
27:11What you're looking for is in transit.
27:14Are you of the press?
27:15Is that it?
27:15Eh?
27:16Someone waved a checkbook at you, eh?
27:19I should be so lucky.
27:20Do you know June Granger, eh?
27:21No, no, not personally.
27:24She is a totally unique person.
27:27She has a life force that is very, very special.
27:32Her indoors speaks very highly.
27:34June is very spiritual.
27:37Psychic, some days.
27:39Do you know what she's done for me, dear?
27:41No.
27:41No, no, no one does.
27:43They don't know her.
27:45She's very powerful.
27:47She's much bigger than any part she plays.
27:49It's not acting, you see.
27:54Metamorphosis.
27:56They try to keep her small, you know, but they can't.
27:59And they'll try to cheapen her.
28:01But not while I'm around.
28:04So they mustn't see those pictures.
28:07I want that portfolio.
28:09And if you don't find it sharpish, I'll bounce you off the walls until...
28:13Who's that?
28:14Oh, there'll be some security people come for their mail.
28:17Well, get rid of them.
28:18Hey!
28:19I said, get rid of them.
28:21Come on, you're full of nothing but black.
28:23Use it.
28:24Get rid of them.
28:31Good afternoon.
28:33I wonder if you could spare just ten minutes to talk about the Bible.
28:36Lord, we find that lots of people want to talk about God, but they're just too embarrassed.
28:41Embarrassed?
28:42Me?
28:42Would you like to talk about God?
28:44Come in, come in.
28:49Honour Jehovah with your valuable things, and with the first fruits of all your produce.
28:55Then your stores of supply will be filled with plenty, and with new wine your own press vats will overflow.
29:02Wonderful.
29:03Wonderful.
29:04One doesn't hear words like that often enough.
29:06It brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
29:09Read on, my son.
29:11Really?
29:11Are you sure?
29:13Not often I get to read five or six passages.
29:15Do you have a copy of the Bible here?
29:18Oh, well, this is my nephew's gaff, but I'm sure he's got one around somewhere.
29:22He's a good lad.
29:23Please continue.
29:24It's not often one gets a chance to chew the theological fat, so to speak.
29:28Well, we do have a lot of other people to call on.
29:30On the other hand, it's nice to find someone who wants to hear the word of God.
29:34Some days, I can't get enough of it.
29:50Where's Arthur?
29:51He's at the security archives looking for that sodding parcel.
29:54When was that?
29:56A couple of hours ago?
29:57A couple of hours.
29:58Hang about.
29:59Oi!
30:00It's a geezer in Rotterdam going on about London street names.
30:03Can you sort him out?
30:04No.
30:08Look how many there are, Field.
30:10There's bloody hundreds of them.
30:12Operating all over London.
30:14I've never looked at it like this before.
30:17Like what?
30:18One when they're everywhere.
30:20Picking up, dropping off.
30:21You can't drive up the West End without them buzzing up your inside and cutting you up.
30:25Going up the Tottenham Court Road, they're practically doing wheelies over your bonnet.
30:28Yeah, I know.
30:29Distribution, Phil.
30:30Think about it.
30:31All strung together, this is an unchecked distribution network.
30:35For what?
30:36Anything.
30:38Absolutely anything.
30:40Interesting.
30:41Interesting.
30:42Interesting.
30:44Yeah.
30:45Sarge, you know this York Street number?
30:47Can I pass it on to Hobart, only on?
30:49Medium interesting.
30:52What?
30:52Again, I truly say to you, if two of you on earth agree concerning anything of importance
30:58that they should request.
31:00It will take place for them due to my Father in heaven.
31:03Quite right.
31:04A deal's a deal.
31:06For where there are two or three gathered together in my name, there I am in their midst.
31:11Amen.
31:12I must say, you do read a treat.
31:14I could listen to you reading all day.
31:16But we do have other people to see, Colin.
31:19Are you sure you have a Bible?
31:20Yeah.
31:21I don't see one around, because we do actually supply the book.
31:24As you can see, it is a quality hardback.
31:26Sturdy, but very light.
31:27And we pass them on for eight pounds.
31:29Pass them on?
31:30You mean you sell them?
31:31Well, yes, but then eight pounds is nothing.
31:34Hold up, hold up.
31:35Eight pounds?
31:36I think I've got some of these in the lock-up.
31:37New World Translation, yeah.
31:39I bought a job lot.
31:40You could have them for a nice price.
31:42Flood damaged.
31:43I thought that was a nice, authentic touch.
31:45Yeah, monkey, and they're yours.
31:46That works out at 1.50 a throw.
31:481.50?
31:49I really think we should be going, Colin.
31:51No, no, no, no, don't rush, don't rush.
31:52There are things here to be talked about.
31:53You heard them, they've got people to see.
31:55To be honest, my voice is starting to go after that.
31:56No, no, no, no.
31:57You must think I'm terrible.
32:00I never offered you tea.
32:01Put the kettle on, would you?
32:02Now you sit down, sit down.
32:04You sit down and make yourself nice and comfy.
32:07That's it, just there.
32:08And I will read to you.
32:17And the Lord said to Knorr, get a boat.
32:22Oh, thank God for that.
32:23I thought you were never going to get here.
32:25You're still looking for something.
32:27Oh, Raymond, Raymond.
32:29There's mixed company here.
32:30These are men of God.
32:31It's all right, it's all right.
32:32Well, we're just leaving.
32:33Yes, that's right.
32:34Yes.
32:34No, no, no.
32:35We have some unfinished business, Colin.
32:36No, no, I don't think so.
32:37Yes, look, I'll give you my card.
32:39If you change your mind about the Bibles, give me a bell.
32:43You'll see the mess he's made in there.
32:46Stay.
32:48You heard what he said.
32:57Oi!
33:03Knew I could rely on you, Arthur.
33:04He got by on my blind side.
33:07We've got a problem there, Ray.
33:09We've got more than one, Arthur.
33:10Come and have a butchers at this.
33:12I'm rapidly going off the dispatch business.
33:14Well, you wait till you cop this little lot.
33:16One niggling problem after another.
33:19Aesthetical customers, dodgy signals, lost goods.
33:21And a staff who won't even tell you who they are.
33:24Look, Arthur.
33:25Tickets for the next Manchester United home game.
33:27All the main stand, all the same block of seats.
33:33Where's forgeries, Arthur?
33:35Bent tickets.
33:36Eh?
33:36Horse of the Year show.
33:38Next Prince concert.
33:39Wembley Cup finals.
33:40Big fights.
33:42Lottery tickets.
33:44Arthur, you're the biggest mover of bent tickets in London.
33:48That's just for starters.
33:52Goldleaf Productions certainly now to produce.
33:54Have a look at them.
33:56Driving licenses.
33:58Looks like you've been banging them out quicker than Swansea, Arthur.
34:01Oh, my God.
34:03I mean, we have to examine these things, don't we?
34:07I mean, a man has to follow his hunches sometimes.
34:11We have to.
34:12I mean, what would the job be if we just...
34:20What is he up to?
34:24Aren't you even curious?
34:26Well, yes and no, Sarge.
34:29It's just that I can't get over-enthusiastic.
34:32Especially in the absence of any...
34:34Well, anything really.
34:37You see, I look at it like this, Sarge.
34:40Dispatch is a dodgy business.
34:42Outfits set up and fold all the time.
34:44Everyone knows it's a Moonlighters game.
34:46The revenue are going spare chasing after a load of overnight cowboys
34:49and bikers working under false names.
34:51But that won't last, Sarge.
34:54So, just think of it as a self-solving problem.
35:08Debbie.
35:10Can you get me the Inland Revenue Office for the district NW10?
35:19Those punters the Warnock brothers slipped you have turned out choice, ain't they?
35:22That's what comes of doing business with strangers.
35:25People whose fathers you haven't played snooker with.
35:27I've got some more good news for you, Arthur.
35:29What?
35:29You've been fencing as well.
35:31This stuff has to be your...
35:32Hey, how long was it supposed to be stored here?
35:33One month with a negotiable half-price extension.
35:36Great, so it all sits here, cooling down in my bedroom.
35:39Well done, Arthur.
35:40All right, all right.
35:40It's all very well been Sherlock after the event.
35:43Where were you at the time?
35:44Prancing around with a load of models.
35:47I think a swift exit from the dispatch business is in order.
35:50I distinctly feel a liquidation coming on.
35:53Right, but it doesn't solve this problem, does it?
35:56I reckon you ought to turn the Warnocks in.
35:58I will not do that, Raymond.
35:59I am not a grass and I have never been one.
36:01Arthur, they stitched you up.
36:02They gave you every bent punter they had.
36:04I'm sorry, Raymond.
36:05I will turn my hand to many things, but blowing a whistle is not one of them.
36:08All right, then.
36:09Let me handle this.
36:10Come on, you go home.
36:11Yeah, all right.
36:11And in the morning, get down the lock-up first thing and sort out those...
36:14Right, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond.
36:16Don't tell me how to liquidate.
36:18Do I tell you how to breathe?
36:31Ten minutes notice?
36:32What the bloody hell do you call that?
36:34A favour, my dear.
36:35Still gives you plenty of time to go shopping.
36:37Get these logos off, boys.
36:39Bloody unemployed!
36:40Again!
36:41Never mind, my dear.
36:42I expect the job market is savouring your arrival.
36:44Oh, yeah.
36:45Come on.
36:45Any of you want references, I'll be happy to oblige.
36:48Oh, yeah.
36:48But it won't be on any paper, of course.
36:50We didn't have time to get any printed.
36:51Let's have a bag, boy.
36:52All the satchel's off, too.
37:00How's it going?
37:00Great.
37:01Just one last job.
37:02One last job?
37:03Here, Rabbit.
37:04Over here.
37:08Look, these outfits, you can't be picking up from the offices because they don't exist.
37:12So where are the pick-up points for this lot?
37:13That's the print shop and he's free.
37:15Where?
37:15Down Balcommon Lane, across the likes of St Paul's Way, right into Thomas Street.
37:19Now, look, you're going to have to show me.
37:20Come on.
37:21After, you wait here.
37:22What's happening?
37:22I'll ring you later.
37:27That's it.
37:28Left here.
37:30Down here, there.
37:31Now, bang a right.
37:32Just place his palace down here.
37:33Down the bottom?
37:34Yeah, yeah.
37:35Here.
37:35Here.
37:36You feel about this, Rabbit?
37:38Ah, it's all right.
37:48You sure this is it?
37:49Course I'm sure.
37:50Down Balcommon Lane, cross the lights of St Paul's Way.
37:53Yeah, all right, all right.
37:53Who else is on this estate?
37:55There's the bakers in Unit 6.
37:57Electronic skis are next door.
37:59A little mail order for them down the end.
38:01Aye.
38:02That's it.
38:03Mail order, that's the one.
38:23Now, go to reception.
38:25I said reception, all right?
38:26What?
38:27Here, Julie.
38:28Get out of the phone book.
38:30I'll call you back when I'm PRB.
38:32Make sure you do that.
38:33OK, W.
38:34Yeah.
38:36No, no, no.
38:37Actually, you've come through on the wrong extension.
38:38This is the obvious one.
38:39Control to Terry 2, are you free yet?
38:40Hang on a minute.
38:41Hang on.
38:41Stay there.
38:45We've got a van free.
38:46Cash job.
38:48OK, Terry.
38:49Go to Matthews and Maver in Highbury Lane.
38:51They've got a red star.
38:52Yeah, hold on.
38:52Give me the details.
38:54Yeah, the Us 2U mail order.
38:56Yeah, well, the van's packed up.
38:57We've got a customer screaming.
38:58You know how it is.
38:59So we're parked outside.
39:01Yeah, there'll be someone who helped me load it up
39:03and you get the delivery details then.
39:05So what do you do in 15, 20 minutes?
39:07Lovely, mate.
39:08Safe, yeah.
39:09You got me out of jail.
39:10Yeah, cheers.
39:10Bye.
39:11I don't get it.
39:12I mean, I don't see where all this is going, man.
39:15It's going straight down to Thomas Road, left into Boat Common.
39:22Hello, Arthur.
39:23Now, just a minute, Ray.
39:24Where are you?
39:26Where?
39:27What are you doing there?
39:30Hey, you want me to go where?
39:33Look, I can't go look.
39:35Ray, I can't.
39:35Hello, Ray.
39:36Ray.
39:44The owl that was here.
39:46Come on, Rabbit.
39:47Spot loading to be done.
39:55By the way, there's no chance you'll know this geezer, is there?
39:57OK, W. Badu.
39:58Put yourself in there and then keep your head down.
40:00Come on.
40:06Oh, you saved me life, mate.
40:07There you go.
40:08Great.
40:09This is just a quick cash job for mirror print.
40:12I thought it was us to you, mail order.
40:14Who said that?
40:15Ralphie.
40:16You can see why he's not the controller in there, can't you?
40:20Going to?
40:21Here, mate.
40:22Public security archive?
40:23Yeah.
40:24Going to meet.
40:25Spreading up all the time.
40:27Nature of the business.
40:29Have you had far to come?
40:31Just round the corner.
40:33There you go.
40:34Have that.
40:35Forget the change.
40:35You just make sure you use that contact name or someone accept.
40:38You got it?
40:39Yeah.
40:40All right.
40:44Oi, are you sure this is straight?
40:46Not yet.
40:48But it will be.
41:11Oh, this looks a bit cheeky, Raymond.
41:18Morely.
41:20What?
41:22What public security archive?
41:26You sure it's me once?
41:28Hang on, hang on.
41:30Dispatch driver.
41:33RKW dispatch.
41:36Now, you hang on to him there.
41:37I'll be right down.
41:40That's the Walnut Brothers.
42:04I wonder how long it will take him to realize what he's got.
42:16Oh, tickets.
42:18I'll tell you what.
42:19I'll bet you a tenner Morley doesn't even twig.
42:22Okay.
42:23You're on.
42:25We've got concerts here.
42:27Raffle tickets.
42:29Football tickets.
42:32Sarge.
42:34Bigs tickets for the Man United game.
42:37They're all for the same block of seats.
42:40And stand.
42:42There must be forgeries.
42:43It's got to be forgeries.
42:44I think you owe me a tenner.
42:48So where's all this come from, then?
42:53Mirror print.
42:54Gladstone Trading Estate.
42:56Mirror print?
42:57That's Ralph and Keefe's place, remember?
42:59We traced that Wimbledon ticket scam back to there.
43:02So all this has come from the Warnocks' own print shop all the way here in the Warnocks' very own
43:08van.
43:09Yeah.
43:11Well, you nick him for starters.
43:13No, you leave me out of here.
43:15Thank you, God.
43:17No, no, no, Mr. Morley.
43:19We're over here.
43:21Well, you've got to give it to him.
43:23He does get there in the end.
43:25And don't forget you owe me a tenner.
43:27What do you mean owe you a tenner?
43:28Well, I won the bet.
43:29What are you talking about you won the bet?
43:31Of course I did.
43:32I won the bet.
43:33I was right back in the morning.
43:33What are you going to do about the van?
43:35Well, don't change the subject.
43:36I'll pick it up later.
43:37I won the tenner off.
43:38No, no, no.
43:38I said I'll bet you a tenner he doesn't tweak.
43:40That's right.
43:41Yeah, and he didn't.
43:42Yeah, but Morley did.
43:43Yeah, he didn't.
43:46This looks ugly.
43:48I recognise that little lot.
43:56They're looking a bit travel sick, Arthur.
43:58What?
44:00Look at that.
44:02Nobody signed for him.
44:04London, Frankfurt, Innsbruck, Rotterdam here.
44:07All down to me.
44:08A right euro stitch up.
44:10See, that's a problem, Ray, we're going into Europe.
44:13Your average businessman doesn't realise.
44:16It's full of foreigners.
44:17With no sense of fair play.
44:25I mean, what am I going to do with all that junk?
44:28Heritage package, Arthur.
44:30A lucky dip from the tub of history that is London.
44:33Good.
44:34Where do you get it from?
44:38Excuse me.
44:40Mr. Marks, Inland Revenue.
44:42I'm looking for a Mr. Arthur Daly.
44:45No need for you to be looking for me.
44:47I'm fully documented and papered up to the end of the century.
44:49Mr. Daly.
44:51I've been handed information that suggests you're running a dispatch service with several freelance operatives.
44:58Where?
45:01Well, from these premises.
45:13Or so I'm given to understand.
45:16No.
45:17There's no dispatch going on here.
45:19Or as Nelson might have said, I see no motorbikes.
45:23You've been misinformed and misdirected.
45:25Daily into Europe.
45:27Currently stinging at the hands of the foreign ords.
45:29Take my advice.
45:30Ignore anonymous phone calls.
45:31Oh, it wasn't at all anonymous.
45:33Oh, in that case, a few choice words are in order.
45:36You've been...
45:36No, no, no.
45:36This way, Mr. Marks.
45:37You'll find it easier.
45:38You've been stitched up.
45:39That is not a nice feeling at all.
45:40Down there.
45:41Lock up the office, would you, Raymond?
45:43This way, Mr. Marks.
45:45I was stitched up once.
45:46I'll never forget it.
45:47I think it was in the fifties.
45:49Well, I apologise for the intrusion.
45:51No need to apologise.
45:52Knock it off on my next assessment.
45:54Can I give you a lift somewhere?
45:57No, it's, uh, it's all right.
45:59They issue me with a bus pass.
46:01Well, as long as they're looking after you.
46:09You ready then?
46:10More then.
46:11I need a break from this place.
46:13It's starting to cost me.
46:14Come on.
46:15Never mind, Arthur.
46:16Here's a chance to recoup.
46:17What?
46:18June Granger portfolio.
46:19Slipped down the side of me bed.
46:21Told you.
46:22Miss filed in transit.
46:25Is it worth something?
46:27Highly negotiable, I should think.
46:29Highly negotiable.
46:30Story of my life.
46:32Oh, I better take care of them then.
46:34Give them here.
46:34Oh, no, no, no.
46:35I'm gonna give them back to Susie personally.
46:37I distinctly heard you say the word recoup.
46:40Well, there's different kinds of recoupment.
46:42Ray, those photographs belong to me.
46:44Property of the Daily Post.
46:45Afraid not, Arthur.
46:46You went in a liquidation, remember?
46:49Arthur is the nature of the business.
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