- 58 minutes ago
First broadcast 18th March 1993.
Desperate for a stroke of luck, Arthur is approached by Australian private investigator Bill McCabe who tells him that he is the possible heir of Joshua Daley, who died intestate in Woolomoroo.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Nicholas Day - D.S. Morley
Jonty Stephens - D.C. Field
Simon Chilvers - Bill McCabe
Pip Torrens - Muldier
Emma Cunningham - Gloria
Frank Baker - Spiky
Richard Avery - Dayglow
Simon Holmes - Nobby Green
Thomas Wheatley - Vicar
Michael Vaughan - Timmons
Margery Withers - Mabel
Richard Platt - Teller
Ian Barritt - Supervisor
Adlyn Ross - Receptionist
Sarah Carpenter - Secretary
Pat Rossiter - Ethel
Andrew Andreas - Commuter
Kit Hillier - Commuter
Paul Markham - Commuter
Desperate for a stroke of luck, Arthur is approached by Australian private investigator Bill McCabe who tells him that he is the possible heir of Joshua Daley, who died intestate in Woolomoroo.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Nicholas Day - D.S. Morley
Jonty Stephens - D.C. Field
Simon Chilvers - Bill McCabe
Pip Torrens - Muldier
Emma Cunningham - Gloria
Frank Baker - Spiky
Richard Avery - Dayglow
Simon Holmes - Nobby Green
Thomas Wheatley - Vicar
Michael Vaughan - Timmons
Margery Withers - Mabel
Richard Platt - Teller
Ian Barritt - Supervisor
Adlyn Ross - Receptionist
Sarah Carpenter - Secretary
Pat Rossiter - Ethel
Andrew Andreas - Commuter
Kit Hillier - Commuter
Paul Markham - Commuter
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01Very nice, Spikey. Just the right air of sophistication and beautifully weighted.
00:06And a real bargain, Arthur. You could buy him for a bottle, knock him out, cock a piece.
00:10I can't quibble. I'd take the lot.
00:11I knew you'd be a good mark, Arthur.
00:13I'll let you have the money at the end of the month.
00:14I want cash on delivery up front now.
00:18Spikey! Spikey, how far back do we go together?
00:20That's why it's strictly cash.
00:22Is this the way you treat an old pal who's a bit strapped?
00:25Alright, alright. End of the week.
00:26No.
00:28Is this the fruit of our years of dealing together? A cursory no?
00:31Yeah.
00:32Arthur, it's well known you could talk a banana out of its skin.
00:35But your credit is as alluring as a British rouse, aren't they?
00:38Alright, if that's your attitude, there's no point in going on with this conversation.
00:41Ta-da.
00:41Bilk in haste, repent at leisure. I'll tell you what.
00:44Three quid and a little bit of credit.
00:46No.
00:47Now, leave me alone, Arthur.
00:49Spikey, leave me alone.
00:50Spikey!
00:52Spikey!
00:54It's diabolical. I cannot operate under these strictures.
00:57I told Spikey it's a well-known economic fact that a certain amount of insecure speculation
01:02is the norm among the business community.
01:05And the bank is being positively Dickensian in limiting my credit facilities.
01:09You don't get a chance of the exchequer rifling through his pockets for loose change
01:12every time he swings a deal with our brothers in Brussels.
01:15Put that on the slate, Dave.
01:17I can't find a chalk, Arthur.
01:19Come on. Cough up.
01:22Ha, ha, ha.
01:23Ha, ha, ha.
01:25Ha, ha, ha.
01:29Ha, ha, ha.
01:32Hmm.
01:36Peel me a grape, would you?
01:39Oh!
01:40Oh!
01:40You can take that look right off your face.
01:42I've got to catch my bus.
01:44Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:45Ha, ha, ha.
01:45What are you grinning at?
01:47There's a cab right round the corner.
01:49Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:50Ha, ha, ha.
01:51Oh!
02:02Oi!
02:05Oi!
02:19Ray!
02:21Come back!
02:22Ray!
02:24Bring it back!
02:29Oh, come on, come on, Ray.
02:49Oh, what a dismal day.
03:09Oh, come on, Ray.
03:52I have one of them super saver day tickets, a yellow with a brown stripe down the back.
03:59This is ridiculous.
04:01Look, I can't find it.
04:02Can't you trust me?
04:03Bloody fair, Dodger.
04:41Ray!
04:43Ray!
04:44I know you're in there.
04:48Raymond!
04:50Open the door!
04:51I'm making a spectacle of myself out here.
04:54Raymond!
04:55Arthur, what are you doing here?
04:57Hey, hold on, Arthur.
04:58Where are you going?
05:00Arthur, what are you doing here?
05:01Look, I've phoned the flat, the lock-up and the club.
05:03You have got to be available when I need you, otherwise there is no point in the old arrangement.
05:06Oh, I'm so sorry, Arthur.
05:08I didn't realise that when you rented me the flat it was a prison cell.
05:11Ingratitude, Raymond.
05:12The serpent's tooth.
05:16Hey, what are you looking for?
05:17No, nothing.
05:18It's probably just my imagination.
05:20Oh, hello, Arthur.
05:21Oh, morning, miss.
05:23Oh, tea.
05:24I'm gasping.
05:25Oh, well, I'll just put the kettle on again then, shall I?
05:29Don't smoke that in here.
05:34So what's the big emergency?
05:35I have once again fallen victim to the criminal congestion that is strangling this city.
05:40The hole in the wall's eaten me card.
05:41And to add insult to injury, the forces of darkness have swiped me motor.
05:45You'll have to go down a pounder and get it out.
05:46Oh, terrific.
05:47That's going to cost me an arm, innit?
05:49Well, take it out of your wages.
05:50I'll settle with you later.
05:51Oh, come on, hurry up.
05:53You don't mind if I get dressed first, do you?
05:56Raymond.
05:57Yes, Arthur.
05:59Are you getting your feet under the table here?
06:01Makes a change from my place.
06:03Be careful, my son.
06:04Variety may be the spice of life, but women have a habit of creating routines.
06:08And before you know where you are, you aren't any more.
06:12You're such an old sexist, Arthur Raymond.
06:14Language, please.
06:24Bye.
06:25Bye, miss.
06:26Oh, thanks for the tea.
06:27What was it called again?
06:29Lapsang Souchong.
06:30Very pungent.
06:32Bye, Ray.
06:32Will you go home before lunch?
06:34I'll dare it.
06:35Okay.
06:35Be good.
06:38Who?
06:40Pick up the Daimler and bring it back to the lock-up as quick as you can.
06:44Yeah, hold up.
06:45How am I supposed to get there?
06:47On you get.
06:49Oh, great.
06:49All right.
06:50All right.
06:57Taxi.
07:02Daigo Printworks Park Royal.
07:19business looks good day glow i can't complain arthur we've had a rush job on for the forthcoming
07:25rock extravaganza at wembley i could knock you out a brace of tickets near the front
07:32give away prices no earn indoors won't turn out for any artiste except matt munro and he don't
07:38seem to give as many concerts as he used to center court wimbledon finals day now i eschew all forms
07:44of sport by the turf ascot gold cup inclusive of champagne and caviar in the knobs enclosure very
07:52tempting day glow very tempting no what i'm really interested in is the merchandise you mentioned the
07:57other night say no more i'll pop round later when we case of samples
08:19very good good they're perfect the man is an artist remember the year i got into buck house garden
08:26party oh yeah one of his yeah the question is though will they stop me getting towed away
08:32it's all a question of psychology your average traffic warden is a creature of routine he sees
08:38that plastic packet glistening underneath your windscreen wiper he assumes one of his low sim
08:42colleagues has got him first he may pause briefly to check the details but he'll quickly move on
08:48looking for fresh blood leaving you free to go about your business knowing your car is inviolable
08:53on the yellow lines of london sold give me two bookfuls wise man
09:01daily into europe managing director speaking oh hello gloria oh no no he's not back yet
09:06i'll give you one brent one ounce low give you wider scope marvelous yes certainly i'll take a message
09:11what is it oh turned over oh unfortunate i'll do carry lambeth as well oh i'll give it down lambeth
09:17oh yeah yeah i'm writing it down uh you've got any westminster they're privatized down there very
09:25honorable i think they must be on piecework yeah yeah i'm writing all that down right yeah not at all
09:30no my pleasure bye-bye oh now these are a lovely job
09:56what's that dead eye want oh no never mind i don't want to know
10:00here arthur you owe me 105 smackers and i want it back before tonight all right all right it's all
10:04in order good my cigar's still there yeah front compartment
10:15right right quick quick quick there's someone after me he's everywhere
10:19what are you going on about who's after you never mind the questions you're supposed to be my minder get
10:23out there and sort him out yeah but who i don't know he's got a funny hat on go on
10:26look arthur just
10:27chill out take it easy go on go on
10:43arthur there's no one here you sure look around you of course i'm sure well there was
11:05nobby grief you can't be serious arthur the man's a complete shark
11:10a purely temporary measure that's what dermot from the crown and scepter said and he ended up in a car
11:14boot in wembley yeah a small advance i desperately need cash you desperately need your head examining
11:20here hold up i'm on a double yellow i can't leave it here i'm not going down a pound again
11:24no no no
11:24that's all right that's all right what you doing where'd you get that ha ha
11:31arthur you can't do that i've already done it raymond i cannot afford towaways every time i go abroad
11:37in london and at 50p a throw day glow says he's had very positive results of their usefulness
11:43day glow divany and knobby green really are mixing with the cream today aren't we arthur
11:57arthur lovely to see you again come in make yourself comfortable nobby raymond you have grown
12:06nobby so what can i do for you you think that was a good deal you don't understand these things
12:13i understand you went in the borough 400 quid and left owing a grand as knobby says centralize
12:18your debts well he would wouldn't he at 40 percent interest a month if i pay the whole lot back
12:22within a fortnight i don't pay any interest at all and how are you gonna do that hey arthur you've
12:26been filleted look i'm under pressure i can do without this from kith and kin and i'll have
12:29me under and fired back now if you don't mind what stomp what it's him oh top of the stairs
12:35no don't look around arthur what are you doing hello there what can i do for you you got an
12:51half a daily round it's v80 i know it is or inland revenue or worse and i've got some very
12:57dodgy
12:58creditors you slow well leave this to me i've heard he hangs out here yeah well i don't see him
13:03but
13:03who's asked him bill mccabe investigator okay you know what kind of investigator one who finds
13:12things out for people who want things finding out well perhaps this gentleman can help you ray there's
13:18somebody here looking for arthur g'day could you tell me where i could find mr daly what's it about
13:24it's a personal matter i'd rather give it straight to him well mr mccabe i'm mr daly's personal
13:29assistant a vet will call us and we don't like private investigators so why don't you don't do
13:36that yeah knock it off we don't want no trouble in here yeah that's fine but i've been hired to
13:41find a mr daly because there's reason to believe he may be the beneficiary of an inheritance may i
13:47introduce myself arthur daly managing director daily autos that's my nephew you're shaking hands with
13:52you know you say something about an inheritance woolly molly security woollamaloo it's in sydney
14:00australia australia i don't have any relatives in australia i think you may very distant but
14:06relatives nonetheless oh so who is this gentleman who's popped his uh passed on mr joshua daly businessman
14:14came out to australia shortly after the last war he died a year ago intestate oh poor man
14:20what a way to go he means he didn't leave a will i know that's the point i'm making so
14:28how does arthur
14:29fit into all of this i'm coming to it the solicitors back home found that joshua was the last of
14:34his
14:34line of dailies but they traced him back to a rory daily his great-grandfather it seems before he hooked
14:41up with joshua's great-grand-mum he'd had a previous marriage to one grace daily who he lived with in
14:45willsden did he really and if they had any children the inheritance would go to their descendants what
14:51me well it's possible meet me here at half past three oh this is it raymond obviously a quality
15:04setup i could be a few noughts up on a bank balance here well let's see what the brief has
15:08to say for
15:08now it's my lucky day i can feel it in me water yeah i've just thought i'm a daly will
15:13i stand to
15:14get anything raymond daly oh i can see the greed flickering behind your eyes i trust avarice is
15:20not going to rip this family asunder i just may i remind you your father is younger than i am
15:24yeah
15:24okay and as the oldest daily i am the next in line you haven't seen prince andrew kicking up a
15:30stink
15:30about which way the cake's gonna be carved when her majesty god forbid goes to that great throne room in
15:35the sky and the job's chalked down to charlie i only meant you just keep your overweening ambitions on
15:40a tight cord i'll see you're all right can i help you oh uh yes arthur daly i believe i'm
15:45expected oh
15:46yes if you'd like to take a seat mr mildew will see you in a moment thank you
15:57i wonder what human miseries these wars have witnessed bankruptcies broken marriages fall as
16:03foul of the law lonely and dispossessed crying out for help oh that reminds me um what's her name
16:09uh lucretia called do you mean gloria oh that's the one yeah what's she say she's been turned over
16:16burger when was this this morning well thanks a bunch for telling me i thought i've got to get
16:20over there no no no no the police have got it all in hand best to leave these things to
16:23the
16:23professionals right mr mardew we'll see you now thank you come raymond
16:33detective constable field i understand you uh reported a breaking that's right come in
16:40hello what's missing well that's the odd thing i knew my cameras and lenses i'm a photographer you see
16:46but nothing else seems to be missing yeah that's not unusual thieves usually know what they're going for
16:51yeah any sign of a breaking uh there is a dodgy latch on the bathroom window but it could have
16:56got in through there uh when did you notice they were missing this morning they could have got in
17:01last night because i was down the pub with my boyfriend yeah can i have his name please oh hold
17:05on you don't think he's got anything to do with this do you just routine for the report raymond daly
17:10ray
17:12daly as in arthur daly you know him yeah i've come across him
17:18do you have any serial numbers for the cameras uh yeah um i'll have to go and dig them out
17:23yeah if
17:24you wouldn't mind i'll just start making a few notes
17:31ah a pibran 85. that's been open all night oh a good airing does wonders for a classic claret
17:39well help yourself i was gonna chuck it out why not bend the rules a bit
17:46so let me get this straight mr moldier you can't tell me how much i'm likely to cop
17:51and anyway you're not going to cough until i've proved that i am the extinct relative extant
17:56relative of disgrace daily correct seems fairly straightforward i'll nip down at somerset house
18:01get back to you this afternoon actually the public records are now kept at st catherine's house my
18:06secretary has the address i'm sure mr mccabe will give you all the assistance he can
18:10oh thank you and i ended up on traffic duty i thought it was going to be like in the
18:17movies
18:18driving fast cars catching the villain in the final reel yeah in reality is ten percent plod and
18:23ninety percent paperwork look
18:29hi hi this is cozy hello ray small world isn't it looks like you drew the short straw down the
18:36nip
18:37doesn't it well at least he got here before you did yeah and it looks like he's hard on the
18:40case
18:41who was it who said a copper's lot is not an happy one oh glory here very kindly offered me
18:45a glass of
18:46wine i'm very nice it is too i'm glad you're enjoying it because i've just seen tea title timmo coming
18:53up the
18:53stairs do you like timmins yeah you're having me on oh my god you'll smell it a mile off look
19:03stand over
19:03there and suck one of these go on move yourself
19:13thank you miss i feel they told me i'd find you here afternoon constable
19:22do you want a drink i don't thank it's a bit early in the day for anybody sir don't you
19:27think yeah
19:28that's what you might say i won't please yourself field we've picked up a laddie around the corner
19:36who could be the joker that you lost over the wall last week when you're finished here come an idea
19:42i trust you'll avoid driving or operating heavy machinery today sir certainly sorry to disturb you miss
19:55thanks
20:25So that's how he managed to get around so fast.
20:28Yeah, I like your bike.
20:29All it gets me from A to B.
20:31You got a ticket already, Arthur?
20:33Yeah, they're very keen round here.
20:47Good afternoon.
20:48Yes, sir, can I help you?
20:49Yes, I'd like to trace my family tree.
20:51Yes, well, you've come to the right place.
20:52Good.
20:53Well, if you'd like to tap my name in the computer, we'll wait over there.
20:57It's Arthur Daly.
20:58I'm sorry, sir.
20:59This is a public search room.
21:01You do it yourself.
21:02No, no, no.
21:03I'm no good with computers.
21:04We don't have computers.
21:06Let me explain.
21:08This is like a reference library.
21:10You look through the books.
21:11Oh, I think I could manage that.
21:12Where would I find the Daly tree?
21:14Under D.
21:14It doesn't work like that.
21:17We carry the indexes to births, deaths and marriages,
21:20which enables you to apply for copies of the certificate.
21:23Do you know the name of your mother and father?
21:25Well, of course I do.
21:26What are you inferring?
21:27I'm not inferring anything, sir.
21:29Do you have your grandparents' particulars?
21:31Oh, not on me, no.
21:32Then I suggest you start with your parents.
21:35Through there.
21:35Oh, thank you very much.
21:39Do you understand that?
21:40I think so.
21:41When was your dad born?
21:42That's easy.
21:435th of November.
21:44I was 12 before I realised that wasn't why people were letting fireworks off.
21:47I thought he was so popular.
21:49Yeah, but what year?
21:50It comes in years.
21:52Ah.
21:53He had me when he was 30, so it must have been about the turn of the century.
21:56That's a bit vague.
21:57Well, do you remember what year your dad married Grant?
21:59Yeah, yeah, I do, as a matter of fact.
22:01Two weeks after Armistice Day, I remember because Dad said the wedding reception got out of hand.
22:06Uncle Monty got the ump.
22:07Somebody nicked his German helmet.
22:09Armistice?
22:10Yeah, the end of the First World War.
22:111918.
22:12How do you know?
22:13Oh, yeah, the old blokes were there, weren't they?
22:15Just press on, shall we?
22:16Yeah.
22:16This way, Arthur.
22:17It's a big place, isn't it?
22:18Well, the right people are being born, they need big premises.
22:21You know, they reckon there are more people alive today than there ever have been in the
22:24whole of civilised history.
22:25What, do you mean the great majority has become a minority?
22:28Why can't they put it all on micro-dot like they do in the Bond films?
22:331925, 24, June, December 21.
22:38Yeah, 1919, June, March, 1918.
22:43CD for daily.
22:44Here we go.
22:46Yeah, gentlemen, gentlemen, a moment of respect, please.
22:49We are, after all, in what is the shrine to the British through her history.
22:54Layer upon layer of names, all who have helped, however small, to make the country what she
22:58is.
22:59A truly humiliating experience.
23:02Can't you feel the weight of history itself?
23:05The sense of timelessness?
23:07The public search room will be closing in 20 minutes.
23:10Fidder, hurry up.
23:11Well, there must be more than 20 dailies mentioned in 1918.
23:14What was his first name?
23:15Albert.
23:18Albert Daly.
23:20Married to a Chandler.
23:21Yeah, Daisy Chandler, that's my mum.
23:23Yeah, there he is.
23:24Oh, look at that.
23:26That's my mum and dad's name, writ large in this book.
23:29Isn't that amazing?
23:31What do we do now?
23:32Well, we've got to take this reference number, then get a copy of the marriage certificate.
23:36If we can find out his age at marriage, then we can search for his birth certificate.
23:39That's bound to have your grandparents' names on it, innit?
23:41And then we can work back from there.
23:42Yeah, I am enjoying this.
23:56Funny having all these records here, innit?
23:58It's amazing, innit?
24:00Yeah, a bit sinister, really.
24:01No, it's not right.
24:02There's nothing undemocratic about it.
24:03I mean, this is England.
24:04I find it quite exhilarating to think the Daily History is incarcerated in them archives.
24:09Yeah, I wonder if they do criminal records and all.
24:12Raymond, ex-policeman.
24:16Yeah, Arthur, we're up.
24:17What?
24:19I'll take the weight off me, free.
24:21Right.
24:22Yes, sir?
24:23I'd like a copy of my parents' marriage certificate, please.
24:26£5.50.
24:27£5.50?
24:28That's outrageous.
24:29They've already paid for it once.
24:31All copies of marriage certificates bought here cost £5.50.
24:35All right, hand it over.
24:37I've got four generations to get through here.
24:39Well, I can't give it to you now.
24:40We have to send it to you.
24:42Send it to me?
24:42What are you talking about?
24:43I'm standing here.
24:44Well, you could pick it up.
24:46When?
24:46In a couple of days.
24:48A few days?
24:48That's no good.
24:49I've got to go back to 1840.
24:50It'll take months.
24:51I'm sorry, sir.
24:52That's the way it works.
24:55Look, I'm liable to cop a few bob here.
24:58If you could see your way to greasing the wheels a bit,
25:00I might find myself in a position where I could make a small donation.
25:04This is a government department, sir.
25:05I'm a government employee.
25:07So are the dustbin men, but they still get their Christmas box, don't they?
25:10Look, what me uncle's asking is, isn't there a quicker way?
25:13Well, if it's urgent, you can pay an extra £14.50 and collect it tomorrow.
25:16No, that's no use.
25:18Perhaps you should speak to the supervisor.
25:22Sir.
25:27Mr. Daly, the problem I can foresee is that public records only go back to 1837.
25:32Are you trying to say that my family history, pre-1837, is completely lost to me?
25:37No, not at all, but the roots become more circuitous.
25:40The only thing I can suggest is you hire a genealogist.
25:43No, no, I don't want to talk to my ancestors.
25:45I want to find out who they are.
25:46A genealogist is a professional researcher of family history.
25:50Oh, yeah?
25:50How much they cost?
25:52£20 an hour.
25:53We're dealing with cowboys here.
25:54It's a job for the boys, isn't it?
25:56Putting all the work in the way of your mates.
25:58Not at all.
26:00In fact, as a public office, we're debarred from endorsing private individuals.
26:03All right, all right.
26:04No thanks, no thanks.
26:06I'm sorry.
26:07Between you and me, there are many retired people who enjoy doing the work for much less.
26:13Well, thanks for your help.
26:15Oh, and, uh, I want to get all that stuff downstairs properly indexed.
26:18It would save the public an awful lot of grief.
26:21Come on.
26:24So what's the next move?
26:25I hire one of these old folks to dust off the record books?
26:28Yeah, but what happens if we don't come up with anything?
26:29Could be good money after bad.
26:31No, this is hopeless.
26:32I'll have to go and see that solicitor again.
26:34See if I can get him to speed things up.
26:36Well, it's too late now.
26:37He'll be shutting up shop for a weekend.
27:07Arthur, you're breaking my mind.
27:09My ribs.
27:18Are you insane?
27:20You took 10 years of my life then.
27:22I'm all at Twitter.
27:23Look, my legs have gone.
27:25I thought you'd enjoy it.
27:27Enjoy it?
27:28Supposed to be looking for my ancestors, not joining them.
27:40So, as you can see, me and my nephew have worked our fingers to the bone on this.
27:44And we was wondering if you could see your way to, uh, filling in the gaps, so to speak.
27:48I mean, there, uh, there could be something in it for you.
27:52I didn't hear that, Mr. Daly.
27:54I said we were wondering if you could...
27:56He heard you, Arthur.
27:57Look, what exactly is this legacy anyway?
27:59I mean, we could spend the rest of our lives looking for this grace, Daly.
28:02Then find out Arthur's been left nothing more than a stamp album.
28:05Oh, it's more valuable than a stamp album, I can assure you.
28:08Well, I'm not assured.
28:09And this is beginning to get on my nerves.
28:10We're running around like endless chickens and you won't tell us what for.
28:13You must excuse my nephew.
28:15He's in the hot flush of youth.
28:16Raymond, curb yourself.
28:18Now, to get back to the nub of the matter in...
28:20Mr. Daly, to be honest with you, the Australian solicitor hasn't shared the details with me.
28:25But try looking at it this way.
28:27These people are going to a lot of trouble and expense, if you catch my meaning.
28:32Could you expound on that, Squire?
28:36Well, they've paid for Mr. McCabe to come over here.
28:39They've retained my services.
28:40There you are, you see.
28:41The inheritance can't be peanuts, can it?
28:43And don't forget, they'll be shouting you a trip to Oz if you can prove your case.
28:46Me?
28:48Going to Australia?
28:51I must say, I've had fun looking into your background.
28:54Oh, I'm very pleased.
28:56Quite a colourful family, the dailies.
29:00Oh, well, we've had our moments.
29:02So what did you come up with?
29:03Oh, a veritable hotbed of scandal and intrigue.
29:09There's quite a fruitful source of literature.
29:13Because the dailies were always connected with public houses.
29:20Did you know that?
29:21You certainly upheld the family tradition there.
29:24Please.
29:25The flippancy, Raymond.
29:26So, I found it relatively easy to thread my way back through the daily publicans.
29:33Yes?
29:34Oh, yes.
29:35Now, your grandfather, Alfred Daly, was proprietor of the Bunch of Nups in Wilston Green for 50 years.
29:44Yeah, I vaguely remember that.
29:46Which his father, your great-grandfather, Archibald Daly, had run since 1868.
29:54As a house of ill repute, if most sources are to be believed.
29:59Now, that's amazing.
30:01Isn't it?
30:02Oh, yeah, well, there's no need to dwell.
30:04Now, what's more exciting is this.
30:09Archibald Daly took over the Bunch of Nuts after his father, Alphonse Daly, had lost his license in 1838 at
30:21the Bushel of Hay for illegal gambling.
30:24It was all over the Wilson Chronicle, and there were dark rumors of a liaison with the bishop's wife.
30:35Could we have a little less of the gossip and a few more of dates?
30:38Oh, yes, well, now, Alphonse Daly, your great-great-grandfather, became Osler at the Bushel of Hay in 1829.
30:50Yes, and?
30:51That's all, I'm afraid.
30:53What do you mean, that's all?
30:54Oh, I've rooted out all the juicy bits.
30:56Before Alphonse, the dailies don't seem to have made much of a mark.
31:00But I'll pay you £36.
31:02I've done more than £36 worth of work.
31:04Oh, I'll pay you that money, expecting great things, and you're falling short of my expectations.
31:09By one generation.
31:10Well, all I can suggest is that you check through the parish records.
31:14Local churches are frequently a rich scene in these matters.
31:29What are you doing?
31:31What's the yellow line?
31:33Never mind that now.
31:34I'm perching on the edge of a fortune here, and you're worrying about parking fines.
31:37Come on.
31:42The knave is Norman, of course.
31:44The chancel is a Victorian addition.
31:47Oh, yeah.
31:48Very Norman.
31:49We suffered rather badly at the hands of Cromwell, 1538.
31:53Destroyed a lot of the church.
31:55Oh, them roundheads, all vandals.
31:56We dailies have always been royalists.
31:58Thomas Cromwell, not Oliver.
32:00At the behest of Henry VIII.
32:02Well, there's always one, isn't there?
32:05Vestry?
32:06I can appreciate your anxiety, Mr. Daly, but I'm afraid I don't really think I can help.
32:13But we was reliably informed that you would have a register of births, marriages and deaths.
32:18You know, parish records.
32:20Well, at one time we had...
32:21You haven't had a break-in?
32:23It's nothing sacred.
32:24No, no, no, no.
32:26Our records were destroyed by fire after an air raid.
32:30A direct hit, I'm afraid.
32:32An air raid?
32:33The long end of Luftwaffe wreaks havoc into the 90s.
32:36Actually, it was a Zeppelin in 1917.
32:39Zeppelin?
32:40We were privileged to be one of the few documented casualties of aerial bombing in the Great War.
32:46Something of a first.
32:47And it destroyed the Paris registers?
32:49At a stroke.
32:51Blighted, that's what I am.
32:53Of course, there's still the physical evidence.
32:56Come again?
32:57The gravestones are still in the graveyard.
33:02Come on.
33:08Come on, Ray.
33:09It's not easy, Arthur.
33:11They're hard to read.
33:11Well, hurry up.
33:12This place gives me the willies.
33:14They're only gravestones.
33:16They may be only gravestones to you,
33:18but to a man of my years,
33:20they're picture postcards from the Grim Reaper himself.
33:24I'm not a man given to an overactive imagination in the normal course of events,
33:28but there always seems to me something unnaturally still about a graveyard.
33:34No matter how sunny the day,
33:36there's always a chilling wind that penetrates even the warmest, Crombie.
33:43Ah!
33:44Oh, don't do that.
33:48What's you looking at me like that for?
33:50I've found her.
33:51Found who?
33:53You don't mean.
34:00You know what this means, don't you?
34:06Brilliant.
34:07And there is a letter from the vicar
34:10authenticating the Polaroid of the gravestone.
34:13Absolutely brilliant.
34:15I must congratulate you, Mr. Daly.
34:16Very thorough.
34:17Very thorough indeed.
34:18I think you'll find all the paperwork's in order.
34:20Oh, yes.
34:21This definitely establishes you
34:22as the extant descendant of Grace Daly.
34:24Well, as I believe our American cousins say,
34:27I'm about to make your day.
34:31First things first.
34:33Here are two business class tickets to Sydney
34:36for you and your wife.
34:46I don't understand it.
34:48Dave's never late.
34:50You don't think something's happened to him, do you?
34:52They do say there's always misery
34:54to set against good fortune.
34:56Will you pack it in, you old pessimist?
34:58You've just been told you're practically a millionaire.
35:00Enjoy yourself, Arthur.
35:02No, it brings its own responsibilities, Ray.
35:04I've often wondered what I'd do with my first million.
35:07Yet most punters couldn't handle it.
35:10I hope to assume the mantle of wealth with dignity.
35:21What's going on?
35:25Ray, hit that light.
35:28I can't seem to find him, Arthur.
35:30I don't like it.
35:32There's some shenanigans afoot.
35:49You'll come a-waltz in Matilda
35:54for he's a jolly good fellow with me.
35:55Johnny's a jolly good fellow
35:57for he's a jolly good fellow
36:00for he's a jolly good fellow
36:04and so stay all of us.
36:09You could have knocked me down with a feather.
36:12I'll see you later, Dave.
36:14And you, young Ray.
36:17Presumably you've all heard the news.
36:18Yes.
36:19Yes, my friends, I'm off down under,
36:22land in the midnight sun.
36:23Been down to shops.
36:25Got me mosquito spray.
36:26Green.
36:27Been measured for me safari suit.
36:30Thank you, Ethel.
36:32I've also got me shark repellent.
36:34I might try that out
36:35and not be green later.
36:38But what I would like to say,
36:41the most valuable thing
36:43I will be taking with me
36:44is the memory of you,
36:47my friends, here, now.
36:49I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
36:52I am very, very deeply touched.
36:55Oh, I'd like to add,
37:00the drinks are on Dave.
37:02Hey!
37:04Dave, Dave,
37:05keep all them champagne corks.
37:07I want to hang them round me trilby later.
37:10Hello, Mitch.
37:29I'm really made up who you are,
37:31for I really am.
37:32And listen,
37:33about them fountain pens.
37:34Not another word, Spigy.
37:36No, but I can see now I was too hasty.
37:37Business is business.
37:39Bygons be bygons.
37:40Water under the bridge.
37:41For a gentleman and a scholar, Arthur.
37:43Add some bubbles.
37:44Cheers.
37:45There you go.
37:46Good luck to you.
37:47See you later.
37:57Mud in your eye, Arthur.
37:59Oh, is there?
38:00Which one?
38:02Quite, Sandra.
38:03Such a go-on.
38:05Ballot advance I gave you.
38:07Checks in the post, knock.
38:08In your own time, Arthur.
38:11Oh, by the way,
38:12not 20% off in anticipation of future dealings.
38:15Very broad of you, Robbie.
38:17Pass the backscratcher.
38:18We tycoons have got to stick together.
38:20Come on, top up your blast.
38:22Don't mind if I do.
38:24There you go.
38:25Cheers.
38:30Looking forward to Australia?
38:32Oh, well, I'll probably be a bit surprised to start with,
38:35but I pride myself on my adaptability.
38:38Oh, you'll love it.
38:39Beautiful beaches, clean air, sun.
38:41It's the sort of place a man can lay down roots.
38:43I will keep an open mind, will you?
38:45When you get there,
38:46the first thing is on me.
38:48Done.
39:01Well, congratulations, Mr. Daly.
39:03Oh, thank you, miss.
39:04Are you going to come out for dance, then?
39:05No, no, no.
39:06You carry on.
39:07You're only young once.
39:08Come on.
39:11Dave, that could be me and her indoors.
39:14The Hammersmith Pally, 40 years ago.
39:18Gather ye what's names, what you may.
39:21When I first met her indoors,
39:23I promised her the world.
39:26And now, suddenly, I can deliver.
39:30You all right?
39:31Yeah, yeah.
39:32A bit of smoke in the eye.
39:35I always knew you'd get the top of it.
39:37It took a time coming, didn't it?
39:39We've tried a very long path together, Dave.
39:42Oh, you can say that again.
39:44We've tried a very long path together, Dave.
39:47Dave, I want you to know this, especially you.
39:52I will not let this change me.
39:54Nothing can change you often.
39:57You're one of nature's elements.
40:25Hello, Arthur.
40:27Been doing a bit of celebrating?
40:29Who's that?
40:30Oh, Sergeant Wally.
40:32Good evening.
40:33I'm just waiting for a cab.
40:35Oh, we've got a cab for you here, Daley.
40:37Raymond's already in the back.
40:40You talking riddles, Sergeant.
40:42Recognise this?
40:44I'm arresting you for evasion of liability
40:47under Section 3 of the Theft Act, 1978.
40:50Deception, Section 15, Theft Act, 1968.
40:54And we'll talk about a possible charge of forgery
40:56when we get down to Nick.
40:58All right, John.
40:59All yours.
41:04I don't like it.
41:06It's not natural.
41:07What's that, Sarge?
41:09I've been after Daley for years.
41:12I've finally got entrust, basted and ready for the oven
41:15and he's behaving as if I've just told him
41:16his flies are undone.
41:18Yeah.
41:19Doesn't seem over-worried, does he?
41:26Who's this brief he wants to bring in anyway?
41:28Well, that's the other thing, Sarge.
41:29This moldy air is top bracket.
41:31Costs you an arm and leg just at cuffing his office.
41:33I don't like it.
41:43Ah, Mr Moldier.
41:46You've met Detective Sergeant Morley, I see.
41:48Do have a seat.
41:52Officer, Mr Moldier and me would like a little bit of privacy,
41:56if you don't mind.
42:00Sorry about this, Mr Moldier.
42:03An inconvenience to our affairs.
42:05But as you're my solicitor,
42:07I thought you should be in on the ground floor.
42:09Yes, it's very regrettable, Mr Daley.
42:13May I say how profoundly sorry I am
42:15that this should have happened.
42:17These things are sent to try us.
42:19Look, look.
42:21Kangaroos.
42:23I must say, you're being very philosophical about this.
42:27Substantial fine.
42:29I mean, it's hardly robbing the Bank of England, is it?
42:32Oh dear, Mr Daley, I see you're not aware of the ramifications.
42:37There'll be a criminal record.
42:40An unjust besmirchment on my character,
42:43which I'll be in a position to bear.
42:46But the terms of the inheritance are very clear, Mr Daley.
42:50The executors of the estate are very insistent
42:53that the recipient be a person of good character.
43:00Do you mean?
43:02Exactly.
43:03Should this case go ahead, I'm afraid
43:05there can be no question of inheritance.
43:09Oh my God.
43:17I can't bear it.
43:19I actually don't think I can bear it.
43:23A fortune dangled in front of me
43:25and then snatched away at the last minute.
43:29Oh, the cruelty.
43:32Take it easy on a drink off.
43:36Life is but a veil of tears.
43:38You soldier along, trying your best,
43:41and round the corner, fate.
43:42Ever waiting for the old half-brick.
43:46It is always the sunniest days
43:48that Dame Fortune chooses
43:49to mount her most vicious attacks.
43:52Walking along, springing your step,
43:55then wallop.
43:56Lying in the gutter, spitting out teeth.
43:59Don't get too despondent.
44:01I can't take any more of this.
44:02I just don't believe it.
44:07Dave, turn the oven on.
44:12Come on, out with this.
44:13My mate see me with you,
44:14they'll think I'm on the take.
44:15Yeah, the feeling's mutual.
44:17I've come about this business with Arthur.
44:19Silly man.
44:20It's 400 quid minimum
44:21for tampering with a parking ticket.
44:22God knows how much for carrying your own.
44:25Well, can you do anything about it?
44:26What are you suggesting, Daley?
44:28I'm a DC.
44:29I can't go filling with custody records.
44:31I'll be done for perverting the course of justice.
44:33Listen, Phil,
44:34Arthur stands to inherit a fortune
44:35and get out of dodgy deals forever.
44:38Now, I know the Met
44:39is not the great democratic institution
44:40it likes to think it is,
44:41and things can be done.
44:44So all I want you to do
44:45is have a word with your governor.
44:50Tip for tap.
44:53All right, I'll mention it some morning.
44:55Good man.
44:57Told you, mate.
44:58I'm not promising.
45:00Killed, you're a shining sovereign
45:02amongst a load of bank coppers.
45:17Have you, uh,
45:18had a look through this, Sarge?
45:20Through what?
45:21I've been thinking.
45:22This parking business with Daley,
45:25did anyone actually see it?
45:26Well, it's all here in black and white, isn't it?
45:28Four separate reports
45:29from four separate wardens
45:31of Daley's car with a fake ticket.
45:32Yeah, but did anybody
45:34physically see Daley
45:35writing the tickets out?
45:36Filling it in
45:37and actually putting it on the car?
45:40You mean we haven't actually
45:41got a decent witness?
45:42See what I'm getting at?
45:44With a platinum brief like Maldia
45:45could be a complete blinking
45:47nose up in court, couldn't it?
45:48He would claim it was one of his mates
45:50widening him up.
45:51I don't believe it.
45:54He's going to get away with it again, isn't he?
45:58Not necessarily.
46:08Daley,
46:10I'd like to have a little chat.
46:12You'd better hurry up.
46:13I'm fading fast.
46:15Listen to me.
46:16It's been drawn to my attention
46:18that this business with the parking tickets
46:20stands to come between you
46:22and the wherewithal
46:23to finally go straight.
46:27Now, I'm not a vindictive man.
46:30Seeing as this is the case,
46:33I'm prepared to drop all charges.
46:38Pardon?
46:39On one condition.
46:42You use these snide tickets five times
46:44according to my sources.
46:46Let's say that's worth
46:48400 quid fine each.
46:50That makes two grand.
46:52I'm prepared to forget all about it
46:55if you give that amount
46:56to the Metropolitan Police Benevolent Fund.
47:01Really?
47:02Yeah, truly.
47:04Gladly.
47:13If I were a rich man.
47:16Yeah, but I never never never never never never never never never.
47:19What a result, Arthur.
47:21Well, you're in your way, aren't he?
47:22He's going to be so pleased.
47:23Oh, no, no, no.
47:24She's not coming.
47:25No, no.
47:25She put her foot down.
47:26She can't abide abroad.
47:27She hates the food
47:28and her legs go funny.
47:30Well, you're going on your own?
47:31No.
47:32Take my business part.
47:34Dave.
47:35Now, you, you addict, do you think I would leave you crying when there's room on the plane
47:43for two?
47:45Ah, that's one of roles, isn't it?
47:47What, you mean I'm going too?
47:48Yeah.
47:48I mean, you are probably.
47:49Yeah, of course.
47:50Come on.
47:50We've got a lot to do.
47:51A lot of packing to do.
47:56Australia, here we come.
47:58Come on.
47:59Hey, you have to get passports.
48:01I'll get right on it, Arthur.
48:02Once a joint swag man.
48:04Playing with his gooligong.
48:06Billabong, Arthur.
48:08Playing with his billabong.
48:11Marvellous.
48:11It's going to be brilliant.
48:12Will we have to have jams?
48:14I don't think so, no.
48:16How long's the flight?
48:18I think it'll be quite a long time.
48:19Isn't it amazing?
48:20You think of it.
48:21Lady Luck marking me down as one of her own on the other side of the world.
48:26It makes you feel like one of them famous seafaring captains, you know.
48:30Francis Drake, Marco Molo, and the man, the man who discovered Australia himself.
48:36Christopher Columbus.
48:37Cook?
48:39Oh, no, no, he was a captain, surely.
48:41Cook discovered Australia.
48:42Oh, yeah, of course he did.
48:43Hence the travel agents.
48:46Yes, Arthur.
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