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06:03No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
06:35Truly all the greats are here tonight.
06:38Also Sheila Flambe.
06:41Saying that Sheila isn't one of the greats.
06:45Sheila didn't even know she was nominated.
06:47She just heard they're giving out a prize for the most hung jury.
06:53Because of my unharmed privates.
06:55T-M-I.
06:57It's other Tetris.
06:59Is that Lincoln gum I see with Sheila?
07:03Seriously, Lincoln.
07:05Your mother's death was the hugest deal in the world.
07:08Let's have a moment of silence for the most important person in the room right now.
07:12Marsha Gumm's spirit.
07:21But I'm still full of babes!
07:26We've got a really, really great show for you tonight.
07:29The 50th annual GGs will be right back.
07:32Show will resume in five minutes.
07:36It's our night, and I'm coming for you, Steve.
07:41Jesus Christ, after all this time?
07:49Why, hello there.
07:51My name is, uh, Robert E.
07:55Don't say Lee.
07:56Don't tell him your name is Robert E. Lee.
07:58Robert E. Zombie.
08:01Industrialist.
08:02What are we gabbing about here at this fine table here?
08:06Well, we were talking about gum and flambe.
08:08Ooh, Lincoln gum, he is a fine litigant.
08:12He's got me out of many a fine pickled pepper.
08:16I employ slave labor, you see.
08:18White slave reminds you nothing untoward.
08:21And Lincoln gum has kept me out of the fire,
08:25profiting off my white slaves for years and years.
08:30You're doing a great job hiding and drumming up business for Lincoln.
08:33I love you, Glenn.
08:36I love you, too.
08:38Oh, I mean, uh, I love you, too.
08:41The band.
08:42Yeah, that'll cover it.
08:44Anyway, about my white child's slaves.
08:48Good evening.
08:49Any of you fine people seen a man by the name of Glenn Blorchman?
08:53He's about 5'10".
08:54Looks like one of them creatures the Bible warns of.
08:57No, sir.
08:58And I'd be able to.
08:59I'm very tall.
09:04You're welcome, Glenn.
09:06Glenn?
09:06How dare you?
09:08I challenge you to a duel.
09:11No!
09:12Stop!
09:13I can't.
09:14And Marsha just looked up at me and said,
09:17thank you.
09:19You know, Stephen,
09:20I was trying to buy a gumball the other day,
09:23and it occurred to me that a nickel can't buy a piece of gum
09:27because gum is worth more than nickels.
09:32Well, Lincoln is on the penny,
09:34which, last I check, is worthless next to a nickel.
09:36And nickels is plural.
09:41Uh, yes.
09:42Well, Jefferson is on the nickel,
09:45and he invented the lazy Susan.
09:47And in court, you're lazy at Sue-in.
09:51Where is everybody going?
09:53You think this is an award show?
09:56This is an arena where we battle it out
09:58to see who's remembered as Marsha's successor.
10:00And I'm about to memorialize her so hard
10:03that people are going to think
10:04you were just Marsha's butler.
10:06I only did that for 12 Halloweens.
10:09My God, the show is starting any second.
10:11Everyone get back to your seats.
10:12Damn it, this is so bad.
10:14And now the nominees for Best Commercial,
10:17Sheila Flambe and Irene Gum for L'Albert Rising.
10:21Stay for one drink.
10:23We should talk.
10:24L'Albert, L'Albert, L'Albert.
10:28You were my mom's best client, friend?
10:32To Marsha, they were the same thing.
10:34Mike Milk for The Milk is Fresh.
10:37I've heard what people are saying.
10:39Mike Milk is just tall.
10:42And Mike Milk uses being tall
10:44to cover for not going to law school.
10:46Well, to the haters, I say,
10:48check this out.
10:50I'm sunglasses now.
10:53Sunglasses!
10:55Sunglasses!
10:55Sunglasses!
10:56Sunglasses!
10:56Sunglasses!
10:57Sunglasses!
10:57Your mommy would be so proud.
10:58She used to always brag about how she was turning you
11:01into a little clone of her.
11:02Yeah, I'm kind of trying to do my own thing.
11:05Step out of her shadow,
11:06stop accidentally sexualizing her, etc.
11:09Oh, sweetie, why would you ever do that?
11:11Kyle and Skyl Munt.
11:13We almost do it all.
11:16I'm Kyle Munt.
11:17And I'm Skyl Munt.
11:18And do you know what makes us
11:20Vegas' number one twin lawyer team?
11:22What, sweet brother?
11:23We do it all.
11:25Slip and fall accidents.
11:27Medical malpractice.
11:28Laser injuries.
11:29Nursing home abuse.
11:30The only thing we don't do
11:32is have sex with each other.
11:34We've never even thought about it.
11:35We're focused on you.
11:37Kyle and Skyl took my eviction case
11:39without once having sex
11:40or even fooling around.
11:42We lost,
11:42but there was no funny business.
11:44Even if we wanted to,
11:46our bunk bed would make it too difficult.
11:50I've heard about Steve's five-star,
11:52three-ring, multimedia tribute to Marsha.
11:55Did you know he has a hologram?
11:56Steve has a hologram of my mom?
11:58So let me tell you what I'm going to do.
12:00My company is sponsoring this show,
12:02Chingle Supermarkets.
12:04That's what grocery stores are called here.
12:06Yes.
12:06I'm going to pull some strings.
12:08You'll deliver a beautiful, heartfelt speech,
12:10make up for that fiasco of a eulogy,
12:13and maybe Chingle's leaves Steve Nichols and Associates
12:15for an ambitious young firm?
12:17Sure.
12:18A heartfelt, non-disastrous memorial to my mom.
12:22Easy.
12:23And the winner for best advertisement is...
12:27Irene Gumm and Sheila Flambe for Lawbird Rising!
12:34Oh, man, I dedicate this award to my boyfriend,
12:39Gordo featuring Patrick.
12:40Well, I'm no good at speeches.
12:43Not like Sheila.
12:44Sheila!
12:45Sheila!
12:46Sheila!
12:47Sheila!
12:48Sheila!
12:50Sheila!
12:51Sheila!
12:52Sheila!
12:53Oh, and...
12:57Oh, some new noise from Sheila!
12:59Sheila is amazing!
13:01Do the Sheila!
13:02Yeah!
13:03Do the Sheila!
13:05She's overcome with emotion!
13:07I could watch this forever!
13:09The 50th Annual GGs will be right back.
13:16So...
13:16crazy weather lately.
13:18We won!
13:19Did you see my speech?
13:21What?
13:22I sure did.
13:23You were wonderful, sweetheart.
13:26And what about you, dude?
13:27Did you see your firm win an award?
13:28Or were you too busy writing your manifesto?
13:30I didn't...
13:31Huh?
13:32Sorry.
13:33Speech.
13:33For Mom.
13:34A lot riding on it.
13:35Jingle's gotta go bathroom.
13:36Fresh in your dress, sawyers.
13:41I'm a waiter named, uh...
13:43General Stonewall Flowers.
13:46Stonewall Flowers!
13:47Forget I said General, huh?
13:49Glen, what's going on?
13:51Why are you doing pistachio-disguisy-style capers during an awards show?
13:55Uh, well...
13:57Once upon a time, a happy young farmer lived with his wife, Sarah.
14:02And one day, the farmer noticed some onions were missing.
14:06He chalked it up to varmints.
14:08Varmints?
14:09I hate those!
14:10But the next day, some potatoes went missing.
14:14Now, the farmer decided to keep watch, but he fell asleep.
14:19When he woke, he found Sarah asleep in the hay with a handsome bandit.
14:25A pot of stew between them, made with his vegetables.
14:30His vegetables?
14:31Hmm, the farmer wanted blood, but Sarah convinced them to settle it in court.
14:37On the stand, Sarah revealed the bandit was her first husband, who she thought had died in a rock slide.
14:44The men were at each other's throats, so the judge issued an old-fashioned sentence.
14:49A duel on the field of honor.
14:53That was legal?
14:54When was this?
14:551996.
14:57Now, it would start as soon as one party slapped the other one with a glove.
15:02But the bandit fled, never to be seen again.
15:07And with time, my anger subsided.
15:10Oh, it's you in the story!
15:13Yes!
15:14He must have seen me in the nominee announcement.
15:16He came here to kill me!
15:18Why not just go home so he can't slap you?
15:21Are you very stupid?
15:22I wanted to see you guys win!
15:24Aw, that's so stupid.
15:26Sheila, Sheila, you are the breakout star of the night, and we want to incorporate you into the big physically
15:32demanding song and dance number.
15:33Do you want to do it, or is there some reason you can't?
15:42What's a good mom story I could tell?
15:46Summer camp?
15:47I don't think so.
15:48You'll be spending the summer with Mother at the Ariana Huffington Empowerment Retreat for the unapologetically annoying.
15:56Good news, Lincoln.
15:58He put up a fight, but I got the dean of your college to let me be your RA.
16:03Lincoln, guess what?
16:04The doctor gave me pills that'll make sure you never get pubes.
16:08What?
16:08Mom only implied that she didn't want me to have pubes.
16:14What's up, ass face?
16:16Guess who dropped six figures at Chingle's hologram supply to make your mom say anything I want?
16:22This Godzilla-dict hump master.
16:25You think a little speech is gonna do anything?
16:27Tonight is mine.
16:30Steve, this is weird, even for you.
16:32You have a wife and kids and stuff, and I think I'm realizing that you can't really make that thing
16:37say anything worse than what I'm already dealing with.
16:40Oh, yeah?
16:41What about this?
16:42Lincoln, I just want you to know, I'm proud of you, no matter what.
16:48Wait, that's it.
16:49I'll just lie.
16:51Thanks, Steve.
16:53Oh, uh, what a nerd.
16:56Right, fingers and bench?
16:57Uh, yeah.
16:59Whatever, man.
16:59Good luck with the hologram or whatever.
17:01You embarrassed me.
17:03Everyone, guess who didn't wash their hands?
17:07Woo-hoo!
17:09Welcome back to the Gigi Awards.
17:11Now for a special treat, we've got a musical tribute to, you're not gonna believe this, lawyers!
17:27And the award for best surprise witness.
17:30For the best supporting bartender.
17:32And the award for best objection goes to...
17:45And then Mom said, Lincoln, of course I'll give you a hug.
17:49I'm not embarrassed to do that in front of the mailman.
17:53No, that's too outlandish.
17:55So, where do you think Sheila's been this whole time?
17:57There she is.
18:04And now it is finally time for the In Memoriam Reel.
18:08Followed, of course, by Steve Nichols' five-star, three-ring salute to Marsha Gum.
18:13And I'm told we're also gonna get a speech from Marsha's butler.
18:17Curtin' Jellybean?
18:30All right.
18:31It's funny, it's sweet, it's sad, it's complete horse shit.
18:35This'll work.
18:36Jesus, this is horrific.
18:38Yeah, a lot of people seem to die around us.
18:43Are you okay?
18:45You look a bit off.
18:46I'm great.
18:46I have a speech that's a real tribute to my mom.
18:49Good!
18:49Then you can work for me and stop associating with these disgusting clients and inane colleagues
18:54like your mom always wanted.
18:55My colleagues aren't inane.
19:00Plus, I thought you said Mom would be proud of what I'm doing.
19:03What you're doing.
19:04Winning.
19:05She'd be ashamed of who you're doing it with.
19:08Uh, thank you.
19:10Mother's still ashamed of me.
19:13The devil still won't marry her.
19:15Lincoln!
19:16It is your friend Sheila!
19:18Your pussy is broken!
19:20What?
19:21Please do not yell about pussy during the in memoriam.
19:26Lincoln, everyone in this life has a broken pussy.
19:29Some people's broken pussy is their fear of failure.
19:32For some, it's addiction.
19:34Some people's broken pussy is even a literal broken pussy.
19:37Not me, though.
19:37Your broken pussy is your mom.
19:40We had a great year.
19:41We won an award.
19:43Irene is dating a puppet boy.
19:45And you haven't been able to enjoy any of it because you're too busy trying to hide your broken, shattered,
19:50swollen pussy.
19:50Which, again, only you are doing and not me.
19:55Wow!
19:56A lot of people died this year.
19:58And now to say a few words about his mom, Lincoln Gum.
20:07My pussy hurts.
20:09Wait, I mean, everything I am today, I owe to my mom, Marsha Gum.
20:17And I'm a wreck.
20:20My whole life, I've been trying to make the case that she was a good mom.
20:27She wasn't.
20:28But she was the best lawyer this town's ever seen.
20:32She even made Steve Nichols' evil ass successful.
20:35But she didn't take care of me.
20:37You know who does?
20:39My weird niece, Irene, who's as strong as an ox and smart as two pigs.
20:44My associate, Glem Blorchman.
20:46Over there, dressed like a British policeman.
20:48He's been hiding all night wearing costumes.
20:52I assume because he didn't want to embarrass me in front of you, my mom's peers.
20:56But he doesn't embarrass me.
20:58He rules.
20:59And most of all, my intern, Kevin, who I forgot to invite to this.
21:03But also, Sheila, Dr. Duncan Stein Flambe.
21:08In conclusion, I'm done putting my mom on a pedestal.
21:13But all of you should.
21:15She'd sacrifice anything for the legal profession.
21:18I'm the proof.
21:20So shove your GGs up your ass.
21:22We're leaving.
21:27I hate my mom and my kids.
21:30I sent my son to a boarding school because I couldn't remember his name and I didn't want to ask.
21:36We have not had sex with each other.
21:38And I have to confess, I'm in love with you, Irene Gum.
21:43This cad Gordo doesn't appreciate you.
21:46Leave him and be with me.
21:49Oh, Patrick, I will.
21:57Oh, yeah.
21:58Here's Steve Nichols and his stupid hologram or whatever.
22:03Sometimes the law can get you down, can make you weep, can make you frown.
22:08But where to turn in dark of night to help you with your legal plight.
22:15Nickels and gum are two things in your pocket.
22:23Come on, guys, let's get some frosty chocolate milkshakes.
22:27All right, now that that's over, the award for Firm of the Year goes to Gum and Flambe!
22:36Go ahead.
22:37I don't need it anymore.
22:41Congratulations, Sheila, and now enjoy your ceremonial victory lap on the mechanical bull!
22:57You know, Lincoln, you taught me something.
22:59You can run your whole life, but...
23:02Well, well, well, well, if it ain't Glenn Blorchman, or should I say Glenn Blakeman.
23:10Wow, you did a bad job changing your name in two different ways.
23:14Glenn Blakeman was the fake one.
23:16Enough!
23:17I know you're carrying, Glenn.
23:19Let's do this.
23:21Cold clams.
23:23Glenn, you don't have to!
23:25I do, Irene.
23:27Like your uncle said, some wrongs gotta be righted.
23:42You win, Glenn.
23:45Tell my son to use offer code DAD50 for a bonus bet on...
23:55DoghouseSportsBook.com!
23:57You stupid son of a bitch.
24:00I wasn't scared of dueling because of you.
24:04I just didn't want to have to wake back up the killer in me.
24:13Patrick, no!
24:19We did it, y'all!
24:22Honestly, whatever at this point.
24:30He's dead.
24:32Good night, sweet Patrick.
24:34All right, Gordo, we're through.
24:36Holy shit!
24:38Glenn, you killed the bandit.
24:40I was the bandit.
24:43The old man's back again.
24:46Up next, the television event you've been waiting for.
24:50After ten epic years of crushing lawsuits, rocking designer suits, and peeping ladies in birthday
24:55suits, the lawyer princes of Carson City, Pringison Bench, are riding off into the sunset.
25:00But not before one last wild romp.
25:03Don't go anywhere, losers.
25:04It's the series finale of Pringison Bench.
25:08Teardrops burn the cheeks
25:10For she thought she'd heard
25:13The shadow had left this land
25:19The old man's back again
25:24The old man's back again
25:30The crowds just gathered
25:33Their faces turned away
25:36Chirp
25:59And you
25:59Or
25:59You
25:59Gracias.
26:29Gracias.
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