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00:00Hey guys, welcome or welcome back to my YouTube channel. I'm Mary Jane and I've been on a
00:09mission to visit every single country on planet Earth for about eight years. I've been to
00:15over a hundred countries and I would love to finish my life's quest of visiting every
00:22country in the world. Very soon I have been fundraising to help me finish this goal. So far
00:34we have raised I think 11,480 over the last year. I'm shouting you guys out every day, those who
00:43donate. I think no one donated yesterday so I've been giving daily updates. We're still at 11,480
00:52I think. And the last person to donate yesterday was a darling named Ursula. I'm so sorry if
01:01I'm not saying that right. Donated $50. Thank you so much for your donation. Over the next
01:0845 days I'm going to be teaching you guys basically just walking you through the mental process
01:13of what goes through my head, what I learn and what it's like to live a life solo traveling
01:21the world. Things I learn, things I use to grow and have kept moving forward. And over
01:28the next 45 days I just want to share with you guys, yeah, like the mental process that
01:34I go through and what it's like. So without further ado I'm going to share with you guys
01:39what's been on my heart and mind today. And also if you would love to support this YouTube
01:45channel and my mission of visiting all 195 countries in the world, a donation to my GoFundMe would
01:55be amazing. I would, I'm trying to raise the entire 60k over the next 45 days. So I'll put
02:01the link in the comments and I shout you guys out every single day. So maybe we can reach
02:0712k today. We've been like inching close to 12k for a, for a minute. Maybe we can reach
02:14it today. I don't know. Um, but yeah, thank you so much in advance. Um, okay. So today I
02:21wanted to just come to you guys really real, really raw. I didn't do anything today. I didn't
02:27go anywhere. Um, I wasn't feeling that great today and I'm going to try not to cry in this
02:35video because I've been crying a lot today, but I'm just a girl, you know? Um, I just want
02:44to be really honest with you guys today. You know, I don't want to try to come on YouTube
02:47and fake the funk. Like I'm just this independent, fearless girl. No, no, no, no, no, no. And
02:57I never want to make it seem like I think life is so easy and like, it's so easy to
03:02be fearless
03:03and it's so easy to be courageous and it's so easy to be confident and it's so easy to
03:10keep moving in life. No, it's hard. It is so hard. And I never want to make it seem like
03:19life is so easy and, you know, being happy and joyful and courageous. It's just so easy
03:27and just do it, you know? Never, never, never, never, never, never, never. And I don't want
03:34to make it seem like traveling the world is easy and fun either. Um, I mean, there's days
03:43where like today, I'm just like, it's just like the weight of the world. There are, there
03:51are certain days where I just feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. Like, you know
03:56what I mean? Like, like sometimes life just feels like, man, I have nowhere to run. Nobody's
04:09coming to save me. Nobody's coming to save me and I just have to keep going. And I was
04:17feeling that today, you know? And I know each day's, each day, no day. Like what I'm trying
04:24to say is, who can be happy and optimistic every day, all day? You know, it's a fight.
04:32And I woke up this morning feeling very optimistic, but I felt just like heavy today. Like, man,
04:42this, this life thing, this, everything I'm doing is so hard, you know? Traveling the world
04:50is so hard by yourself. There's some days where I just feel like a little girl, like,
04:58you know, I was raised, I wasn't raised, um, with a very affectionate family. My family, I'm not
05:08dissing them or saying anything's wrong. I'm just saying the dynamic of my family was very
05:13tough love. I grew up very tough love. There was no, you're so cute. You're so smart. You are
05:22awesome. You're, you know what I'm saying? There was no boo-boo kissing. There wasn't a lot of hugs
05:29and kisses. There wasn't a lot of affection, you know? It was kind of like the environment I grew up
05:34in was you go out, you, you get done what you're supposed to get done, wash the dishes, do your
05:40schoolwork, go to sleep and do the next thing. Like, nobody wants to hear the crying. If you got
05:45your feelings hurt, get over it. So emotions have always made me feel really weak because they weren't
05:53really allowed in the environment I grew up in. It was like there was nobody to hold me and kiss
06:01me
06:01and hug me, you know? I just feel like a little girl. Today I felt, I, today I felt like
06:10a little
06:10girl. I felt like I was just little Mary Jane. Like sometimes I feel like I'm pretending to be an
06:17adult, you know? Yeah, I'm 30 years old, but on the inside I feel 10 and I just feel like
06:28a little
06:29girl and I'm just like, I really have to get up every day and pretend like I'm this adult.
06:41I have to get up and I have to pretend like I'm an adult. I have to be responsible.
06:47I have to be wise. I have to be intelligent and I have to take care of myself, you know?
06:57I have to take care of myself. There's nobody to take care of me. There's nobody I can call on
07:02the
07:02phone to come rescue me. Nobody. And, um, so it's like sink or swim, you know what I mean?
07:13You gotta keep going and sometimes I feel like I just want to curl up in a ball and just
07:19go
07:20hide and cry somewhere, you know? Like, man, I have to get up every single day, every day
07:28and go out in the world and especially me, you know, I'm on this crazy mission. I'm way in the
07:35deep end. Like I'm out here deep. I have to get up and try to make these dreams happen. They
07:43won't
07:44happen on their own. I'm out here far too deep. I mean, I love the quest. I wanted to visit
07:50all
07:50these countries and do it by myself. And, but I mean, I picked a lane that, you know, I can't
07:57just
07:58crawl up in a ball. I have to get up and be on my P's and Q's and I have
08:02to be responsible and I have
08:04to be wise and I have to be moving forward at all times. And sometimes I just want to cry
08:11and I want to be taken care of. Like, I just want somebody to come pick me up and take
08:18care of me.
08:21Like, and I just feel like I'm 10, you know?
08:27And I look at myself in the mirror. That's what I did today. And I'm like, Mary Jane,
08:33it's okay if you don't feel like Wonder Woman every day. I think sometimes I feel so bad if I
08:40don't feel like Wonder Woman because most of the time I do feel like Wonder Woman. I feel like I
08:44can get up and conquer the world and do all this stuff and, you know, and some days I don't
08:52feel
08:52like Wonder Woman. Actually, a lot of days. Some days I feel like, ah, I'm scared. I'm tired. I'm lonely.
09:05But childhood, my childhood self is in my head. I always have like little Mary Jane. She's always in
09:13my head and she's like, emotions are bad. Emotions, crying, not feeling really, you know, motivated or
09:29whatever is weakness. Get it together. You're 30. I grew up in that kind of family, you know?
09:37It's like, you're too old. I was too old when I was 10. I was too old when I was
09:4215. I was too old
09:43when I was 20. I wasn't allowed to have emotion. It's like, nobody wants to hear it. Suck it up
09:50and keep moving. And I'm not gonna lie, that has helped me a lot in my life. Like,
09:58I'm not gonna say it's all bad because that mentality has helped me get through so much.
10:04Like, just go and figure it out. Nobody wants to hear you cry. Wipe those tears off your face.
10:11Get up. You know what I'm saying? And it's like, well, dang, I don't have a choice. I have, you
10:15know?
10:16And so, I'm not gonna complain about not having, like, affection as a child or, like,
10:25lovey-dovey kisses and hugs and, uh, I can count how many times I've been hugged on my hand, you
10:31know?
10:32On my hands. It's like, no, there's no hugs and kisses. Go out into the world. Do what you need
10:40to do.
10:40So, you're, you're too old. I've always been too old. Anyway, human being and you act like being in
10:48this world is easy. Or, I don't know if you do, but sometimes, I think sometimes people act like
10:54this is not our first time here. This is my first time on planet Earth. I've never been here before.
11:02Um, each age, I only get to do once. I've never been here. And I get up and I try
11:12my best.
11:13And sometimes, your best is, like, 5%. I feel like I had 5% today. Like, when I tell you
11:21I don't want
11:21to do anything, I just laid in bed and I was like, I don't want to face the world today.
11:26I don't want to
11:26go outside and face the world. I want to be carried. I want somebody to come rescue me. This
11:33is hard. This is hard, you know? Um, and then I hear that voice in the back of my head,
11:43like,
11:43Mary Jane, you're not alone. I'm not alone. I'm cared for. There's people who care about me and,
11:51um, God is by my side and he's looking out for me and he knows exactly what I feel and
12:01he's, um,
12:03he loves me and I'm not alone. Every day I have to tell myself that. Like, I just feel like
12:13I'm
12:16drowning sometimes. Like, I'm out in the middle of the ocean drowning and I'm just like,
12:21no, you're not. You have help. God is with me. And again, there's some days I wake up and I
12:32feel
12:32like superwoman. I really do, you know? But that's not every day. But I have learned to not live my
12:40life
12:40based on my feelings. Even days like today, I already know. I've already planned tomorrow.
12:49Because sometimes I feel really bad about having days like this. So I, so I say, you know what,
12:54tomorrow we're going to go twice as hard. We're going to get up. We're going to go for a run.
12:58We're
12:59going to eat so healthy. We're going to pump out two, three, four videos. We're going to make more
13:04advertising for your GoFundMe. We're going to make this and this happen. We're going to
13:10make that and that happen. Because I feel really bad sometimes about not feeling 100 every day. But
13:19just wanted to say that you don't need somebody to believe in you. You don't need somebody to come
13:28rescue you. You don't need all the love and encouragement in the world. What you need
13:38is tenacity. Tenacity is such a beautiful word because it's like, tenacity doesn't mean that
13:45you're like at 100 every day and you're just operating like a robot. Like, I can take on the
13:50world every day. You feel so confident and you're so powerful every day. No, no, no, no, no. You're a
13:55human.
14:00And tenacity, to me, the way I perceive it is like, it's that grit that keeps you going. So it's
14:09like,
14:09even if you're not feeling 100, even if you might be feeling 5% one day, you already know you're
14:16not
14:17quitting. Like, you know, I'm going to be feeling this way. I'll feel it. And then I'm going to get
14:24back up. And that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm allowing myself to feel. I want to go crawl into
14:33a ball and just, I don't know. Superman comes, picks me up or Spider-Man. He comes and sweeps me
14:41off my
14:42feet and just takes care of me. And I don't have to worry about anything or do anything.
14:50And then I'm like, no, I guess there's part of me that, that is Spider-Man, you know, and Jesus.
15:02And I'm just like, no, we can get up and face the world, put on our big girl pants, put
15:07on our big
15:07girl's shoes, lace up our boots and go out for battle again. And battle doesn't just mean success.
15:13It means, man, this world is hard to be in. You know, earth is not easy.
15:21Being courageous is not easy. Making the right decisions and walking right is not easy.
15:30Just getting up and keeping and just moving, moving, moving, moving, moving.
15:36So there's something about people who know how to encourage themselves. And I did it earlier today.
15:42I'll do it when I'm done filming this video. I'm going to go look in the mirror and I'm going
15:46to say,
15:47Mary Jane, you've been through hard days, way worse than this. You're going to come back stronger.
15:55You're going to come back wiser. You're going to come back more empathetic. You're going to come back
16:03more focused and you're going to reach some really, really big goals because you're refusing to quit.
16:11So I think there's a quote and it's like the best thing we ever did was refuse to quit. And
16:15I truly
16:16believe that. Tenacity doesn't mean that you feel a hundred. Actually, tenacity has nothing to do
16:24with your feelings. Tenacity just means you already have a gut level. I refuse to quit.
16:34I will adapt. If I have to feel sad, I feel sad that day. If I have to feel tired,
16:41I feel tired that day.
16:42If I have to fake the smile on my face that day, I'll fake the smile on my face. If
16:48I have to just
16:50get up and keep moving, despite what I feel like, that's exactly what I'm going to do. But I'm going
16:55to keep moving. And that's exactly what it means to me. And that's exactly to me what it looks like
17:01to keep pushing through life and to do what's right and to have a life well lived. So I'm just
17:11being very
17:11honest with you because I don't ever want to come off like, I think life is so easy and life
17:15is just so
17:16fun and like, just be courageous and be optimistic. There are some days where I don't feel a, a one
17:24percent of optimistic. That's why I just fake it till I make it. Even just like, I'm not even just
17:32talking about conquering dreams. I'm talking about healing from childhood wounds, um, healing from
17:39brokenness, healing from heartbreak, healing from, um, anything, loneliness or anxiety or whatever it
17:50is, being able to pick yourself up, not needing anything external. And you have the ability to
17:58self soothe. I mean, I'm doing it right now as I'm talking to you guys, as I'm talking, I am
18:03patching
18:04myself up and I already know what I'm going to do when I've done this video. I'm going to go
18:08journal.
18:09I'm going to go read my word. I'm going to go pray and I'm going to get up tomorrow and
18:13I'm going to
18:14get at him again. And I'm going to look myself in the mirror and I'm going to say, you come
18:20this far.
18:21You didn't come this far to crawl on a ball and cry. You came this far. You can keep going,
18:27keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going. Encourage yourself guys. You are your biggest
18:34influencer in the first place. Nobody has more influence over you than you. And if you tell
18:44yourself that you can do it and you can keep taking another step and you can keep going, then you
18:48can.
18:50So that's what I have to say today. Not a big encouraging video today. Those will come back
18:58tomorrow. But I just want to be really, really honest with you guys and not try to get on here
19:03and come up some fabricated story about how every day I feel so courageous and I can conquer the world
19:11every day. That is not true. I'm grateful for you guys. You guys are a force in my life. And
19:17the reason that I have gotten this far doing all these crazy things. And I love you guys. I'll see
19:24you guys tomorrow. And yeah, we'll check in tomorrow. We're going to be doing some cool stuff. So
19:31some really cool stuff this year. Some really cool, cool, cool stuff is coming. So I'm excited
19:37and I love you guys so much. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Bye.
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