- 6 hours ago
The Claudia Winkleman Show S01E02 (2026)
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00:00Now you two, are you on a first date?
00:03Yeah, we are.
00:04We are.
00:05We are.
00:10No one else didn't want to spend it with.
00:11I don't know about you guys, I now have 18 questions.
00:14Where did you meet?
00:16We met at Gaines Run Club, which is essentially 200 gay men
00:21running down the Thames on a Saturday morning.
00:23Hot.
00:23Yeah, and I was like really sweaty and beetroot faced.
00:28Yeah.
00:28And he asked me out.
00:31And here you are.
00:32Here we are.
00:33I feel good about this.
00:34Yeah, I got a good feeling about it.
00:35If you do get married, are we all invited?
00:38You're officiating it.
00:40Fine.
00:41I really hope this is your last date.
00:43Um.
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03:34And we love being Irish.
03:36So we're happy to celebrate any day, to be honest.
03:38But Paddy's Day is another excuse, isn't it?
03:40Um.
03:41It's definitely growing legs worldwide.
03:42We're kind of the favorite we're the favorite you're the same people. Yeah, and you know
03:46I know that because I did a bit of digging and the passport the Irish passport is the most expensive
03:52passport on the dark web
03:57Guess how much it's worth go on 200 grand
04:01Now you can sell yours when you run out of money
04:05Once I figure out how to get on that
04:07I'm gonna sell mine and drive around in a Lamborghini made of lobster bound while some Russian gangster guys going
04:13through American
04:14Immigration without a bother on it
04:17Might not look like her. Yeah, I am her. Yeah, you just get the bangs big shoulder pads. You'd be
04:23grand. Yeah done
04:24Do you have do you love Ireland? I mean, I love it, but I don't 200 grand love it
04:29Yeah
04:30Do you like it? Yeah
04:34So Rachel your best friend is yes your biggest fan
04:39Yeah, which I'm sure you get this a lot when I was growing up and One Direction was getting very
04:44popular
04:44I was getting into Les Miserables, so I wasn't really just me to
04:49I've seen it multiple times. Yes, of course and my best friend when I was a kid
04:53I've known her since I was one. Oh, her name is Carly and she had a cardboard cut out of
04:58you in her bedroom
05:00So when we had sleepovers, do you know who watched me sleep?
05:14Hello to her. Hi Carly
05:23Niall, we need to talk about the new album. Oh, yes
05:33It's called dinner party. We have a visual here
05:40There she is
05:43Guys, I'm not anti it, but is this gonna happen all night?
05:47Yes
05:47Um, yeah, okay and the the singles dinner party it's out I believe now and it was written about a
05:55very special dinner party wasn't it?
05:58Yeah, I I wrote this song. It's the lyric kind of does it's like Ronsell. It does exactly what it
06:03says in the tin
06:04It tells you exactly what happened from from the night. I met my girlfriend
06:10She was a late screaming
06:14She yeah, she was like a late addition to a party that was that and
06:19Yeah, I just got chatting to her offered her a drink. We got chatting
06:24She says that we didn't kiss that night. I disagree. I think we did and
06:29It's one of those things that you don't expect
06:32To be to be writing about like a big once-in-a-lifetime moment and it kind of happened to
06:36me, which is pretty cool
06:37So I got to write about it
06:38Can I also just say the energy since you mentioned your incredible partner has changed?
06:45Before it was all like
06:48As soon as you bought off Niall don't mention it. I wasn't gonna bring it up course. I wasn't gonna
06:53bring it up. It's going very well in here
06:57By the way, I just met her she's this is gonna make it worse divine
07:08Do you like to dinner? I'm nervous of a dinner party. I don't want a napkin in the shape of
07:14a swan
07:15Yeah, or place that I just worried that I'm gonna do something wrong. Do you love a dinner party?
07:20It's something that I've definitely gotten into the older I've gotten it's one of those things
07:24It's a it's a it's a coming-of-age thing isn't it having a dinner party. It's like I mean,
07:28I just sat down for dinner and
07:30Going up to throw a pizza in the oven or something generally, but now that I'm older I have dinner
07:35parties obviously
07:39You too, where do we stand on dinner parties? I can't
07:43I can't cook shit
07:46Why would I remove jobs from the hard-working people at Nando's there's no need
07:52I receive my food. It's a wonderful transaction and there's no there's no dinner parties in my house. I got
07:58five kids man
08:00I
08:01I'll attend I won't host I use my air fire to help my key you bring food. Will you like
08:07Potluck no, okay, I'll arrive when the food has been done and just in the party is beginning right
08:13I'm the same as you delivery. This is highly embarrassing, but obviously we're in it now
08:19Contacted me and asked me if I'd like a business account because they thought I was a company
08:24I swear to God
08:25My problem with delivery is I'll do an order you know you're in trouble when they deliver it with like
08:31four sets of chopsticks
08:32and I
08:33Leave the noodles with my hands. Thanks for coming now. We have got a clip of the song
08:44One kiss on your neck. It was so concrete
08:48I'm done looking for somebody
08:54Closed doors
08:57Things I've never felt before
09:00Crushing eyes when you first saw me
09:04Yeah, I met you at a dinner party
09:08Yeah, I met you at a dinner party
09:09Chandler is drinking coffee
09:12Yeah, I met you at a dinner party
09:26Please tell us the details of the single the name and when it's out and then we can go who
09:32the single is the dinner party
09:33It's out today and the album is coming very soon
09:45Niall I found out some other information about you which I'm obsessed information about me for Vogue you went through
09:51your beauty
09:52routine
09:58And by the way, it would not fit on these cards not even
10:06There are 22 steps wait one you light a candle to set this home
10:14Explain give me a minute. Go on. I'll give her a half an hour
10:19There's a cold water splash pardon
10:23Number nine is you play with big silver balls
10:28There are so many tell me what you actually do I do quite a few of them to be fair
10:32I'm quite I'm quite a big into the skincare do the ice water in the morning three or four dunks
10:43A couple of moisturizers and like
10:47Serum a moisturizer as to have a spray. Well, it's like a cold plunge for your face. Yeah, it's fucking
10:53he's actually 72 years old
10:54Yeah
10:59I'm so impressed. I'm used to dealing with lads who cleaned their face at the scrub daddy
11:13Guys, what are you doing in the morning?
11:14By the way, look how I'm acting at that skin
11:16I know, yeah
11:17Like I wash my face
11:21Sometimes you know sometimes some mornings is hard my wife puts that um, is it like a blackhead strip?
11:27What is that blackheads? I don't know what it is, but every time is every time she puts it on
11:33She insists that she's the one to take it off
11:36And when she peels it she does the same thing every time she peels it looks at it and says
11:40disgusting
11:43Just so you know
11:45Did she rip it off like quick or slow?
11:49It depends on the mood
11:50Got it. I think all I'm my plan is to um
11:55Two-step skincare and then just eventually get a gorgeous korean facelift. Yeah
11:59Wow
12:03I want it. They just yank you up
12:06Yeah, yank you right all right the problem is where did the folds go?
12:10Who cares about the folds?
12:11Okay, it goes into the back of your ears, right?
12:13I love my eyes on my head. I want to so much plastic surgery when they cremate me I won't
12:16burn. I'll just
12:19Just melt
12:25I just shrank. Remember those crisp packets in the 90s you used to put in the oven they just shrink
13:01That'll be me. Fingers crossed. That's my goal. Yeah
13:04And it's so so special because it's directed by the writer and composer jason robert brown who will also be
13:11on stage
13:12Conducting playing piano all those things and i've just been dying at the opportunity to work with my good friend
13:17ben
13:17I'm so excited
13:19What I love is when I came to see you earlier you were like I was watching ben sing today.
13:22He was amazing. It's just it's actually disgusting like
13:27I'm mad about it. Yeah, you get it
13:29It's like it's one of those things where you watch your friends
13:32Be talented and you're just it's revolting. I want to push him down the stairs
13:38Let's not do that, but he'll feel the same way about you. He will maybe
13:43He really but I don't
13:46Please tell me when we can come and see the concert
13:49Tuesday march 24th through march 29th at the london palladium. It's so exciting. I can't wait. I cannot wait
13:56Yeah, you can
14:05You at the palladium we have to talk about avita you've just been nominated for an olivier award congratulations
14:19This is when you came out to the balcony and you sang when they first told you that idea were
14:25you like don't be ridiculous
14:26Guys, oh, no, I was like whatever we need to do. Let's make it happen. It was beyond my wildest
14:30dreams
14:30I never could have imagined there were more people on closing night outside than there were sat inside
14:37Unbelievable there were like 3,000 people I think outside for the final night. It went all the way down
14:41to the ikea on
14:47Yeah, and and it was unbelievable there's 2200 seats in the palladium roughly
14:50So it was it was amazing and were there some nights that really stuck with you pride was amazing
14:57Because everyone was so hammered
15:00That they were singing along incorrectly
15:04I had a we could see the building across from me on argyle street
15:08Which was it's a building with restaurants and there's offices i'm sure
15:11Um, and there was somebody who stood in the stairwell and just kind of mimicked my every move
15:17In my direct eye line it was hysterical i have to give kudos i don't know who they are
15:22Kudos to that man thank you
15:24You saw Rachel didn't you? I did
15:26Crazy yeah, why would you really know it was the hottest ticket in town i had to pull a lot
15:30of strings
15:32To get in it was phenomenal if it makes you feel any better i'm also disgusted by you
15:37Oh cool yeah
15:38A lot of people are
15:41And now you're funny as well i'm gonna have to have you put down
15:45Everyone say goodbye to rachel
15:48Now we have somebody here i believe who is about to play evita at the swan in worcester rosie are
15:56you here rosie
15:58Hi darlin rosie number one good luck when does it start 21st of april so soon yeah oh my god
16:05are you excited
16:06Yeah it's the time of your life yeah this is the most exciting part do you get enough water breaks
16:11um
16:13Yeah i know
16:15Baby i know
16:16Because i had this really fun thing where i didn't have any costume changes
16:20Where usually as eva perrone i'm sure you have a lot of costume changes drink during those yes
16:25Because i didn't have any of those and i had to beg for water breaks to be choreographed in olivier
16:30nominee
16:30Fabian alouise should win just because he choreographed water breaks into my choreography
16:36And i bet those who saw it didn't even notice
16:39Right
16:41But it's the time of your life just take it with you it's so much fun you'll remember it for
16:45a lifetime
16:46Good luck
16:47Good luck
16:51So fun
16:54Your evita broke records it was the longest standing ovation ever in the west end how long did it got
17:00over
17:0110 minutes over 10 minutes on closing night for sure but it was a it was one of those
17:05Moments where i was i was used to doing i did shakespeare new york like you don't get a standing
17:10o for
17:10Everything but in new york it's very much a part of the culture after the show is done everybody stands
17:14and i was told many times
17:17Before the run started like well just you know it doesn't mean they don't like it if they don't stand
17:22it doesn't mean that because london audiences are a
17:23Lot more reserved which i for one really love and we got a standing ovation every night and it was
17:29bizarre to everybody in the company
17:31That that was what was going on and the closing night was i think it was like 12 minutes it
17:36went over the the record which was 10
17:39How do you what face do you pull there are many videos of me turning to james olivas who plays
17:46peron where i go i don't know what to do
17:48I don't know what to do and also like i said didn't really have any time off stage i had
17:54to pee so bad
17:56That i would always be like alan wrap it up because we were waiting for a reprise of money kept
18:01rolling in to come in so that we could dance off the stage
18:03And it just never came and so there are also videos of me being like i have to pee
18:10Because you had water breaks i've got you've had water breaks and you're not wearing a nappy i had exactly
18:16Very rare water breaks so when i could drink water you best believe i was chugging
18:21Yeah so it was one of those where i had to pee so bad at the end of it's it's
18:25a three-hour musical
18:26And i did not leave the stage once the only time i left the stage was to go get ready
18:30to go do the balcony
18:30And then i came right back onto the stage so i didn't have any time to pee during the show
18:34Rachel you need a shiwi are you using a glass to breathe
18:38Not that not that i used it very effective
18:43Now guys we need to converse about bait it's a brand new show for prime video that's correct
18:51This is a creation of riz ahmed i've known riz uh for quite some time i knew him before i
18:57even stumbled
18:57Into this and he's been really honest it's a real honest story of what it's like for a guy from
19:02A working-class family in wembley to have done all the stuff he's done but every time that big role
19:08comes that big opportunity comes
19:10Something goes wrong or it doesn't quite happen um and it was it was wicked to work on on it
19:15with him because
19:16It's it's so honest it's a lot of his real life and his real story so yeah it's got a
19:20lot of humor it's completely crazy
19:22That's how riz likes to do his stuff um and i think it's very unique something that people won't have
19:26seen before for sure
19:27This is about riz going for bond right he has an audition and his light it's four days that's the
19:34story of bait
19:35Isn't it can i tell you the truth yeah i'm not really sure
19:41Because i'm a truthful person okay so month of ramadan i've got to tell the truth okay i'll be reading
19:47my words
19:49And then i go to sleep that's all i do
19:56Can i just tell you that the pr for the show i just heard her back there bang her head
20:05against the thing
20:06It's really good though i can tell you that it's really good should we have a clip if you want
20:10yeah yeah why not
20:11I should go on calm down it's just an audition yeah call me if you need a body double for
20:16sex scenes
20:17Can you tell her to call me soon she comes back in
20:21Yes
20:21I don't know if this is a a good thing or a bad thing i just got to sort this
20:28out and work it out
20:30Because yo yo look at me i'm proud of you
20:34Yeah
20:36Oh my god let's see let's see what happens of course inshallah but do they know about height
20:42Jimmy they're gonna give you special shoes like james was a big enemy
20:50I'm just saying it for you for you
20:53Yes
20:55Come on
21:00Look i have to say it
21:03Are you short are you sure iris
21:06So you know there's certain criteria that i believe you have to hit to be james bond and they killed
21:11him at number one
21:12He can't even help that it's not his fault he didn't get the right level of protein in when he
21:15was a kid
21:15You can't make these kind of judgments on somebody bless riz ahmed
21:18Can i say that we should have a short james bond because how are you going to be so tall
21:22and sneak it around like a secret
21:23Exactly
21:24I don't see it i've been saying that for years
21:30Where did you first meet him where did i first meet riz ahmed
21:34For legal purposes i've been asked to frame this story
21:38We have to go back like 20 years could be a little bit more um and i'm from coventry i
21:44still live there
21:45And i before i did this had different vocations
21:48Mm-hmm um one of my vocations was
21:54Selling tulips let's go with that
21:57Let's go with that
21:58What beautiful tulips they were right yeah i was a florist people really like the flowers every time they
22:03This their brother this flower is the best flower i ever smell in my whole life okay
22:09I was in an alleyway with my still best friend till this day and a gentleman comes running into the
22:14alleyway
22:15And when you're selling tulips late at night you know everyone's on edge
22:17Go with it guys
22:21I looked down alleyway and there's riz ahmed
22:25But i didn't know it was riz ahmed and riz ahmed was a little bit nervous about the the activity
22:30of floristry in this particular alleyway
22:32But to his credit riz decided to venture down there to me and my friend and said my brothers
22:38Um i'm about to spit some bars in the students union would you like to join me and i looked
22:44at my friend and said probably not man these tulips ain't gonna sell themselves
22:47My friend who's a good person he's a good geezer he said no we should support this guy he looks
22:54kind of stressed
22:54So we accompanied him to the students union this is oscar-winning riz ahmed 20 years ago and he performed
23:02Quite okay-ish rap music
23:04To a group of six people in coventry students union
23:09And 10 years later when i started doing like comedy and silly stuff like that he messaged me and he
23:14goes
23:15But can i ask you a question
23:17I said yeah he said did you used to sell tulips
23:21Oh
23:23In an alleyway in coventry and i said who are you the police go away
23:29And that's the story of how me and riz bet
23:35Crazy luck right
23:37He invites me to eat every year yeah he does he's a good lad
23:40i can't i'm gonna miss it this year because i'm here but but riz invites me to
23:44Like they do eid in new york they're doing an eid banquet and i'm missing it this year and i'm
23:48very sad but
23:48He's so he's salt to the earth he's a good guy he's gonna have great flowers yeah on the table
23:54Loads of tulips um and you've worked with another one of your best friends who's that on this
24:01lumboo
24:02Because there's this show that i find very difficult to say so i'm going to go very slowly gus khan's
24:07custom cars
24:08Quite tricky to say well done
24:10Uh and you do it with lumboo and it is really funny i know nothing about cars tell me about
24:18this show
24:18Well this show came about because i do like cars
24:22Always have when we were younger uh just growing up in a working class family and car the idea of
24:28owning a car
24:28That was more than 750 pounds was a bit of a dream okay and now you get to a stage
24:33in your career
24:34Where you can say to people um all that cars can we make a television show about it please somebody
24:39And they were i was lucky enough for someone to say yeah
24:41Uh but in my head i always wanted my best friend to come along on this journey with me
24:45My best friend is lumboo to describe lumboo he is a human sunflower
24:50Are we talking real flowers this time yeah yeah yeah
24:52Yeah yeah yeah real flowers
24:54Making sure
24:55But i'm from b and q plant i'm in the ground real legit
24:58There he is handsome boy um but you know you you realize when you bring your friends to make television
25:05They don't really respect the rules tell me more so like if a call time is at 8 30 in
25:12the morning
25:13Um and your friend turns up at 2 30 in the afternoon all right that probably isn't good good for
25:19the rules right yeah
25:21Yeah and it looks bad on you looks terrible on me sort of loving for it what was he doing
25:25what was he doing until 2 30 yeah sleeping oh wow
25:29Yes he was tired
25:30I gotta respect it yeah but it's an amazing thing to go on like we've been messing around since we
25:35were kids
25:35Uh and then we went on this journey to create this incredible custom car i'd never done that before
25:40But we didn't realize by the end of the show that he had um created a car that based on
25:46his six foot four length
25:48And my 18 stone weight we couldn't fit in
25:53There's a custom car somewhere in the streets of coventry rotting in a car park if anybody wants it go
25:58and take it
26:00Fun journey really fun journey i cannot recommend it enough it's really i don't know anything about cars
26:04But i was howling by the way you two talk to each other by the way you're talking there was
26:09something about an exhaust pipe
26:10Didn't know what i was i'm i was in yeah i was in where can people watch i don't know
26:15what channel it's on but you'll find
26:18It's on discovery plus is it yeah
26:21And bait amazon for sure correct
26:24Prime video for bait and you can witness riz armored
26:28I assume go on to win an emmy because he's incredible in it support the show it's it's got proper
26:34british flavor
26:35It's got proper energy and humor just enjoy it
26:42Um before you got into comedy and before uh all of this you were a teacher
26:49I was a teacher what kind of a teacher were you a shit one
26:56Don't believe that i just don't believe that
26:59What did i believe that
27:00I believe that
27:01I'm a salesman really
27:03You can see it that tracks yeah sure uh what did you teach
27:07Well here's the thing so when you do your pgce yeah uh specializing teaching
27:13You you you do that in a specific subject or set of subjects
27:18I never got around to teaching those specific sets of subjects
27:22So like i was basically like a really good
27:26Big brother forward slash that fun uncle
27:28Around school and i would like to hope
27:31To think maybe that i had contributed in a positive way to the children of grace academy in coventry if
27:35i didn't and you failure gcse's
27:37Because i apologize that is the plot to school of rock without the music yeah
27:42Can i tell you something yeah your students loved you did they love me they loved you would you like
27:48to say hello to them
27:48No stop it i'm gonna cry shut the front door i'm gonna cry
27:51Sin man
27:53What
27:55Oh
27:56Hey Mr. Cut
27:57Hello
27:58Yeah
28:00There's another one yeah
28:01Come here you y'all
28:04Come here
28:12You're 25 now
28:14I'm not c's
28:17Oh
28:19Oh
28:20So much again
28:23Claudia
28:24I know
28:24You bought all the brown ones
28:26What
28:29Left on the poor white kids at home in coventry
28:32Have a seat on the sofa
28:33Oh that's brilliant
28:35Oh my god
28:36Hi
28:37How are you
28:37Hello
28:38Can i sit next to the mirror
28:40Yeah you can sit next to the mirror
28:42I've loved having a laugh with you
28:44But to hear their stories about how brilliant you were i don't want to embarrass you we've gone a bit
28:51Weird but
28:53But you were much better
28:55Than your saying because simran what did he do for you you know what as you see mr khan yeah
29:02in tv
29:03It was just like how he was in in school yeah
29:06I remember the first time i had him in a class yeah he goes
29:10Oi simran come here and i was like i thought i was in trouble right and he was like
29:15I can't be asked to do the presentation slide next button you sit there and you do it for me
29:22All right
29:23Okay
29:23Right
29:24But then the thing is i was quite shy up until i had mr khan as my teacher and again
29:30he was that fun uncle
29:32Vibes right where he made me feel comfortable and i started to gain a bit of confidence from that but
29:36even
29:37After he left knowing what he pursued was enough to inspire myself to pursue
29:44Something different you know when you come from coventry and you come from a south asian background you're not always
29:49pushed to do something creative
29:51So now you know i went to uni i passed
29:54Yeah
29:54Yeah
29:55I got an art degree
29:58Art degree
29:59Art degree
30:00And uh yeah it was like you you contributed more than you think
30:06You see
30:08Come on
30:16Come on
30:16Please tell us about mr calm if he's why you swear so much
30:21I don't know what i'm allowed to say i'm not allowed to say in it
30:25Brother got tulips in his inside pocket
30:30Now you know what it is this guy he made us all feel like you can go out and do
30:34anything that you want
30:35Coventry's
30:37Coventry's going for tulips
30:41Brilliant well done
30:42Everyone there is some sort of florist on one way or another
30:47No one really thinks of coventry and thinks oh yeah like someone's going to come out of there
30:51So to see somebody go out and do it like
30:53I'll be the first one to say it and everyone in coventry has goods back in like
30:56We're super proud of what you've done
30:58Come on
31:06Thank you so much
31:07That's beautiful
31:22That nice that was so nice
31:26I never mocked a book in my life
31:30Um it was so lovely thank you so much for coming thank you you too joanne tell me your tour
31:35you keep adding more dates you are playing huge arenas
31:40Pinot file there it is
31:42He no file
31:45I file pinot it's a fun pun
31:48It has my gun press a little difficult so i'm delighted to be here claudia. Thank you
31:53Not every bbc show would take me with a name like that
31:57You're doing huge venues fun or ever so slightly scary crack yeah sometimes i think it gets a reputation for
32:04being this kind of feral
32:08Like i'll give you an example a man because it's a predominantly female audience okay
32:12But a man messaged me and he was like is it safe for me to come and i was like
32:16oh my god
32:17They obviously think i'm running some sort of cannibalistic
32:21Like we're putting men in cauldrons and boiling them and then drinking their bone broth or something
32:25Which i would do for a netflix special i think
32:28But no it's great i love it like i love gigging i love traveling around living out of a suitcase
32:33Yeah
32:33We should say you broke records for the longest ever standing ovation at the palladium you broke a different record
32:39Well rachel
32:40I too played the london palladium and broke a record
32:44Mm-hmm it was for wine cells
32:56So maybe they wanted to stand for me to you rachel but they couldn't because they were too pissed
33:01But i love your fans isn't it true that every venue are like i just not in a bad way
33:06i just want to warn
33:06You that like have you got white wine have you got prosecco and they're like yeah we've got enough and
33:11you're like
33:11We're we're we're similar women the women coming a little bit you know we're we like we like a drink
33:16yeah
33:18Everyone's like now it's adhd like it's there's a vibe yeah mentally feral physically groomed you know
33:24We might need out of a being on a weekend that's the vibe of the show
33:36You know you're talking about wee bricks we're gonna need one after this
33:50You're doing one of these shows and you also would like to adopt a dog i bought a house finally
33:56on the ladder i have a garden
33:58Lovely i was like i'll obviously i'll rescue a dog because that's what you do are you adopt also i'm
34:02adopted myself
34:02So i feel it's only fair to pay it forward
34:14Yeah
34:16So i would always rescue i would never buy new
34:20And um shame on you for having your own children claudia you should have done
34:25How dare you
34:27So anyway i went i rang up and it is so hard and now i'll probably get rinsed for saying
34:33this
34:34But like i was like a blah blah blah i want to adopt a little and they were like yeah
34:37do you have a car
34:38And i was like no i said i have access to an e-scooter
34:42And they're like oh yeah do you don't have a car and i was like they're like you can't adopt
34:46a dog and i was like
34:47What am i driving it to it's piano lessons
34:50It's if you because i couldn't if you don't have a garden they don't
34:53But i have a garden now i'm gonna
34:54Yeah fine then you can have a whole litter hive i don't know
35:01So you have these lovely fans what is the wildest thing
35:06Your fans have ever done um one time in the in the apollo i could sense there was like a
35:11kerfuffle
35:12Mm-hmm in one of the balconies and i was like what is going it's kind of distracting you're like
35:16what's going on you don't
35:17Stop the show
35:18But you're dying to know the tea of what's happening
35:20Yeah
35:20Yes
35:21And um there was a woman taken out again i'm not really selling the show here i'm worse than you
35:28There was a woman taken out by her arms and her legs like carrie day
35:31Yeah i was like i'm raging i missed that now that would have been worth stopping the show for
35:38I think her bag fell over the balcony and she was trying to get it and they were worried she'd
35:42fall and i don't know anyway
35:43Look it's fine
35:47Safe space we put seat belts in the balconies now they're strapped in
35:53Now jo-am your fans are a bit like a cult they love you would you be up for joining
35:58one because i definitely would
35:59I have a cult vibe for i'm suggestible i'd be
36:04Easily like i'm i think i'm involved in an aloe vera pyramid already which is kind of
36:09Pushing on cult vibes i like i like the sense of camaraderie yeah
36:14Do you yeah and you don't you die alone you die in a gang
36:17And everyone drinks the poison but i'm such a boozer i'll probably just completely survive and live
36:22I'll wait for everyone to be dead i'll pop a salpity and get on with my day
36:25I i do my agent won't book hotels near scientia scientology centres because he's like
36:30You'll go in yeah
36:32I don't like cults yeah don't want to be part of them don't like reading about them don't
36:36Know watching netflix documentaries about them they're scary you've got a cult vibe me yeah
36:41I would i would join
36:45Yes your leader vibes yes yeah i'm very follower vibes yeah your leader
36:50The glasses and all come on the glasses
36:54Guys here's the thing tell us about when you went on holiday the first time we'd have been to america
37:00It was work i've never been to america in my life i always thought i'd struggle to get in
37:05So like
37:16I tried to get into america as nile i would be in guantanamo bay for the rest
37:20Can you imagine that
37:25Yeah i was in one direction
37:29You all laugh but he's not wrong
37:33I live there
37:35Where were you going to los angeles okay yeah and so i said to my wife and the kids are
37:40like this is gonna
37:40Be an incredible trip let's do it there of course let's do it mate and i'm like yo
37:45This is exciting let me book somewhere incredible in the hollywood hills i love my wife and my children
37:52And then i saw how much it cost to book somewhere in the hollywood hills i don't love them that
37:55much so i went
37:56On the airbnb list and i found somewhere that looks sick and it had an exciting name it was called
38:03topanga
38:05Is that yes okay so topanga canyon now it sounds exciting yeah i went on a list and they had
38:11no ratings but it looked sick and it was cheap
38:12No ratings yeah i know i'm an idiot you've met me now you've been sitting next to me you know
38:17how this stuff goes
38:20So i booked it and we got to the airport and there's a wonderful driver that was there to pick
38:25us up
38:25And he said so brother where you going and i was like oh here topanga he went oh
38:30I said why you say oh four like that he said brother man i'm saying brother like me and you
38:36We don't be in topanga
38:39Immediate worrying sign but i thought anyway it's cheap two of the kids are asleep one's vomiting in the back
38:44Let's just get to topanga okay so we're heading up to topanga and it's very it's it's very like um
38:50Up hilly yeah there's a lot of altitude and we're traveling there and he's telling me all these terrible stories
38:55about man
38:55Shit man ain't nothing around here
38:58I said where's the hospital he said shit i don't know man
39:01I don't know man here we should be here anyway i'm listening to this geezer bang on and we get
39:06to the house pitch black
39:08There's all noises of crickets and
39:11I don't know what was going on
39:13All kind of animal i've never heard in my life okay i thought there's people in the butcher going
39:20So it's pitch black and the instructions to get in this property are a bit weird yeah you've got to
39:25go around the back and there's no
39:26Lights but there were like security cameras all over this house right so
39:32We're walking around and then my kids they wherever they're walking this camera's going
39:36Yeah definitely
39:39Right so my son's like oh dad the camera's following me i said shut up man you don't know what's
39:42going on
39:45So we managed
39:47We managed to get in the house and my middle son lispy he's called that because he's got a lisp
39:51so lispy's in the house
39:54You're making that up no sure no so so so lispy's in the house and lispy's like yeah we love
39:58him but you know
39:59He's got lispy so we're in the house
40:04So lispy's in his house and lispy's like his dad lispy gets feelings lispy's like dad's man dad's
40:10This place is weird dad's and i'm like shut up son man your your mom's already angry at me there's
40:14no electricity in the house
40:15It's just dark in here anyway so we found a couple lights all the mood light in but like lispy's
40:19they're touching
40:20That's all the walls hollow i said sometimes walls be like that son
40:26So he's in the house and everyone's like trying to settle in to this good vibe okay
40:31I've got the feeling my wife's looking like why your eyes so wide i'm like this
40:36He says there's something weird in the house i don't know what's going on
40:39So lispy's run up the stairs he's touching all the walls upstairs and he come back down he goes dad
40:44Doesn't want to show you something dad
40:46So i've gone upstairs with lispy and my wife is like i should have never married you and then
40:56We've gone upstairs and then there's a room
40:59And he's managed to get it open so it was locked but lispy is very resourceful
41:06He's managed to get it open and in this in i swear to god in the center of the room
41:11was a cabinet a very ornate
41:14Cabinet no and i was like lisp where you find this because i don't know it's in the room
41:22The door but i was yanked on it now because look at what's inside dad he's opened it double-handed
41:33He's gone dad dad what's all that red stuff no and in this cupboard in the middle of this
41:40Already creepy airbnb there are vials of blood
41:46Lined up all across there he said dad that don't look good
41:52i said that is not good
41:55We left the house immediately i called the driver and the driver said brother i told you man
42:00We ain't supposed to be right here oh my god
42:03Never went back together
42:05Bloody hell
42:10The weird thing is like days later like the airbnb listing was gone
42:16So big up lispy
42:18He's the new love of my life yeah genuinely
42:21Right so we have almost come to the end but before we close this is quite a lot of pressure
42:28But i just need to ask the first date
42:30I think it's been good yeah
42:31Yeah we didn't ruin it then no no no no i don't know what we're going to do for the
42:36next date like graham
42:44I can i can sort that out for you but maybe next time i don't know a dough ball and
42:49a drink
42:51If you're still together at the end of the year you can come and watch my show even if you
42:54like it or not
42:55Yeah
42:55Do you want to come see a musical about divorce
42:58I would love it yeah
43:00We'll be there
43:01Awesome great
43:02I was going to say
43:03Do you want to be carried out in all fours
43:07From a balcony at the hammers with apollo i can do that
43:21That is it we are off to play swing ball and talk more about tulips
43:26I would like to thank my wonderful guests joanne mcnally
43:32Gus Conn
43:34Rachel Zegler
43:35And Nia Warren
43:39We are back next week when i'll be joined by jimmy car chase infinity and lisa kudrow
43:45Thank you for watching good night
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