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The Claudia Winkleman Show Season 1 Episode 2 (2026)
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00:10Thank you so much for joining us
00:13I've just met a man who has a tattoo of a chicken nugget on his leg just some information some
00:19take-out if you will
00:21We have an audience and some very lovely guests and joining us on the sofa
00:25She is a comedian an award-winning podcaster who's currently breaking records with her latest stand-up tour. It's Joanne
00:33McNally
00:43He's the best nominated creator and star of man like no bean. He's now appearing in the prime series bait.
00:51It's Gus Kahn
00:56Yeah
01:01She is a Golden Globe winner for West Side Story an Olivier Award nominee for Evita
01:08And now she's back at the London Palladium. It's Rachel Zeglar
01:21And he's the singer-songwriter who found global boy band success with One Direction
01:27He's now a chart-topping solo artist who's sold over 90 million records back with a brand new album
01:35It's Niall Horace
01:38Yeah
01:39Don't do that
01:41It's you
01:42Oh
01:43Oh
01:44Come on
01:49Big?
01:54Woo
01:56Woo
01:57Ooh
01:59Does that always happen just screaming?
02:01Every single day of my life
02:03I'm just walking into the shop
02:05Am not gonna lie I'm fifth miss F socio
02:09no
02:10I'll be honest you should be I have quite a few things to bring up with you
02:14But before that, it was St. Patrick's Day this week.
02:19Niall, St. Patrick's Day, is it a big deal in your world?
02:23Yeah.
02:24I think how powerful Ireland is, like, culturally around the world.
02:29I'm like a little flag bearer going around, aren't we?
02:31Two of us just going around London, just going, we're from Ireland!
02:35And we love being Irish, so we're happy to celebrate any day,
02:38to be honest, but Paddy's Day is another excuse, isn't it?
02:41It's definitely grown legs worldwide.
02:44We're kind of the favourite. We're the favourite people.
02:47And you know, I know that, because I did a bit of digging,
02:50and the passport, the Irish passport,
02:52is the most expensive passport on the dark web.
02:56Where to God? Guess how much it's worth?
02:59Go on. 200 grand.
03:01You can sell them.
03:02Niall, you can sell yours when you run out of money.
03:05Now, I don't have the dark web, but once I figure out how to get on that,
03:08I'm going to sell mine and drive around in a Lamborghini
03:11made of lobster bound, while some Russian gangster guy is going through
03:14American immigration without a bother on him.
03:18I might not look like her, but I am her.
03:21Yeah, you just get the bangs, the big shoulder pads, you'd be grand.
03:24Yeah, done.
03:25Gus, do you have, do you love Ireland?
03:28I mean, I love it, but I don't 200 grand love it.
03:30Yeah.
03:32So you like it?
03:33Yeah, I like it.
03:33Yeah, it's right.
03:34So, Rachel, your best friend is your biggest fan.
03:40Yeah, which I'm sure you get this a lot.
03:42When I was growing up and One Direction was getting very popular,
03:45I was getting into Les Miserables, so I wasn't really...
03:48Me too, me too.
03:50I've seen it multiple times.
03:51Yes, of course.
03:52And my best friend, when I was a kid, I've known her since I was one.
03:55Her name is Carly, and she had a cardboard cut out of you in her bedroom.
04:01So when we had sleepovers, do you know who watched me sleep?
04:06It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now.
04:12It really...
04:14Quite intense.
04:15Hello to her.
04:16Hi, Carly.
04:17Hello, Carly.
04:18Hi, diva.
04:19Hi, diva.
04:20Hi.
04:24Now, we need to talk about the new album.
04:26Yes.
04:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:34It's called Dinner Party.
04:35We have a visual here.
04:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:41There she is.
04:42Oh, my God.
04:43Guys, I'm not anti it, but is this going to happen all night?
04:47Yes.
04:48Yes.
04:50And the singles dinner party, it's out, I believe, now,
04:54and it was written about a very special dinner party, wasn't it?
04:59Yeah.
04:59I wrote this song.
05:00The lyric kind of does...
05:02It's like Roncel, it does exactly what it says in the tin.
05:05It tells you exactly what happened from the night I met my girlfriend.
05:09Who was...
05:10Aww.
05:11She was a late...
05:12You're not screaming now.
05:14Um, she, uh, yeah, she was, like, a late addition to a party that I was at,
05:19and, um, yeah, I just got chatting to her, offered her a drink.
05:22We got chatting, um, she says that we didn't kiss that night.
05:26I disagree.
05:27I think we did.
05:28LAUGHTER
05:29And, uh, it's one of those things that you don't expect to be writing about,
05:34like, a big once-in-a-lifetime moment, and it kind of happened to me,
05:37which is pretty cool, so I got to write about it.
05:39Can I also just say, the energy since you mentioned your incredible partner
05:43has changed in this world?
05:45Yes!
05:46Before, it was all, like, whoa, Niall!
05:49As soon as you brought her off, Niall...
05:52Don't mention it.
05:52I wasn't going to bring it up, Gus.
05:54I'm not going to bring it up.
05:55It's going very well in here.
05:57LAUGHTER
05:57By the way, I just met her.
05:59She's...
05:59This is going to make it worse.
06:01Divine!
06:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
06:03Oh, I'm going to have this here.
06:05There we go!
06:07APPLAUSE
06:09Do you like a dinner party?
06:10I'm nervous of a dinner party.
06:13I don't want a napkin in the shape of a...
06:15Swan.
06:16Yeah.
06:17Or a place...
06:18I'm just worried that I'm going to do something wrong.
06:19Do you love a dinner party?
06:21It's something that I've definitely gotten into,
06:22the older I've gotten.
06:24It's one of those things.
06:25It's a coming-of-age thing, isn't it?
06:27Having a dinner party.
06:28It's like, I mean, I just sat down for dinner
06:30and kind of throw a pizza in the oven or something generally,
06:33but now that I'm older, I have dinner parties, obviously.
06:38LAUGHTER
06:39You two?
06:40Where do we stand on dinner parties?
06:42I can't...
06:43LAUGHTER
06:47Why would I remove jobs from the hard-working people
06:50at Nando's?
06:51There's no niece.
06:52LAUGHTER
06:53I coach them, I receive my food.
06:55It's a wonderful transaction.
06:56And there's no dinner parties in my house.
06:58I've got five kids, man.
07:00LAUGHTER
07:00Wow!
07:01I, um, I'll attend, I won't host.
07:04I use my airfare to hold my keys.
07:06Do you bring food?
07:06Will you, like, do a potluck sort of thing?
07:09OK.
07:09I'll arrive when the food has been done and just,
07:11and the party is beginning.
07:13Right.
07:14And I'm the same as you.
07:15Deliveroo, this is highly embarrassing,
07:18but obviously we're in it now,
07:20contacted me and asked me if I'd like a business account
07:22because they thought I was a company.
07:25I swear to God.
07:27My problem with Deliveroo is I'll do an order.
07:29You know you're in trouble when they deliver it
07:31with, like, four sets of chopsticks.
07:33Yep.
07:34And I'm like, just me and my bed.
07:36Yeah.
07:37I leave the noodles with my hands.
07:39Thanks for coming.
07:40LAUGHTER
07:41Now, we have got a clip of the song.
07:45One kiss on your neck, it was so concrete.
07:48I'm done looking for somebody
07:53Behind closed doors
07:56Things I've never felt before
08:00Crashing eyes when you first saw me
08:05Yeah, I met you at a dinner party
08:09Shaking the ears, swinging a coffee
08:13Yeah, I met you at a dinner party
08:27Please tell us the details of the single
08:30the name and when it's out
08:32and then we can go hoo-ha
08:33The single is the dinner party
08:34It's out today and the album is coming very soon
08:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:45Nile, I found out some other information about you
08:48which I'm obsessed by
08:49More information about me
08:50For Vogue, you went through your beauty routine
08:54Oh, jeez
08:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:57Look at that!
08:58Correct
08:58And by the way, it would not fit on these cards
09:02Not even small font
09:05I bought a clipboard
09:06Oh, a clipboard!
09:07There are 22 steps
09:09Wait
09:10One, you light a candle to set the tone
09:15I'll explain
09:16I'll explain
09:16Give me a minute
09:16Go on
09:17I'll give her half an hour
09:18I was going to say
09:18Ford, there's a cold water splash
09:22Pardon
09:24Number nine is you play with big silver balls
09:28There are so many
09:30Tell me what you actually do
09:32I do quite a few of them to be fair
09:33I'm quite
09:34I'm quite big into the skincare
09:35Do the ice water in the morning
09:37Three or four dunks
09:40Action, I'm going to action all this
09:42Are you ready?
09:44We've got it
09:44And a couple of moisturisers
09:46And like
09:46Two moisturisers
09:47A serum and moisturiser
09:49Have a spray
09:50It's like a cold plunge for your face
09:52Yeah
09:52It's fucking freezing
09:54He's actually 72 years old
09:55Yeah
09:55Wow
09:56He's amazing
09:58I know, I know
09:59You do
10:00I'm so impressed
10:01I'm used to dealing with lads
10:02Who've cleaned their face with a scrub daddy
10:03I've never
10:04Anyone with this
10:06It's so pretty
10:08I need to move up in the world
10:10Gary Scott
10:10Yeah
10:12Um
10:12Guys
10:14What are you doing in the morning?
10:15By the way
10:16Look how I'm acting at that skin
10:17I know
10:17Yeah
10:18Like I wash my face
10:21Sometimes
10:22You know
10:23Sometimes
10:23Some mornings is hard
10:24My wife puts that
10:26Is it like a blackhead strip?
10:28What is that?
10:28Blackhead strip
10:29I don't know what it is
10:30But every time
10:31Every time she puts it on
10:33She insists that she's the one to take it off
10:37And when she peels it
10:38She does the same thing every time
10:39She peels it
10:40Looks at it
10:40It says
10:41Disgusting
10:43So satisfying
10:44Just so you know
10:45Yeah
10:45Very satisfying though
10:46Did she rip it off
10:47Like quick
10:48Or slow?
10:49It depends on the mood
10:51Got it
10:51Got it
10:52I think
10:53My plan is to
10:55Two-step skincare
10:57And then just
10:58Eventually get a gorgeous
10:58Korean facelift
11:00Yeah
11:00Wow
11:01How
11:02We can all be doing it
11:03Yeah
11:04I want it
11:05They just yank you up
11:06They yank you up
11:07Yeah yank you right
11:08The problem is
11:09Where did the folds go?
11:10Who cares about the folds?
11:11It goes into the back of your ears
11:13Right
11:13I want my eyes on my head
11:15I want so much plastic surgery
11:16When they cremate me
11:16I won't burn
11:17I'll just
11:20I'll just
11:20Just melt
11:23I'll just melt
11:24I'll just melt
11:26I'll just shrink
11:29Remember those crisp packets in the 90s
11:31You used to put in the oven
11:32They'd just shrink
11:32Yeah
11:33That would be me
11:34Fingers crossed
11:35That's my goal
11:35Yeah
11:36It's a good goal
11:38I like it
11:38Thank you
11:38I want my eyes on the top of my head
11:40Yeah
11:41That was brilliant
11:42I want my ass on my back
11:43That's what I want
11:45I'm following you
11:46Yeah, of course
11:48Rachel
11:48You're back in the UK
11:50Back in the Palladium
11:52Yeah
11:52And you're here for a very special week of concerts
11:55Yeah
11:55I'm doing a week of concerts
11:57Of the 25th anniversary of the musical
11:59The Last Five Years
12:00With my good friend Ben Platt
12:02There we are
12:03There's our faces
12:04There we are
12:05And it's so so special
12:07But it's directed by the writer and composer Jason Robert Brown
12:11Who will also be on stage conducting, playing piano
12:14All those things
12:15And I've just been dying at the opportunity to work with my good friend Ben
12:18I'm so excited
12:19What I love is when I came to see you earlier
12:21You were like I was watching Ben sing today
12:23He was amazing
12:24It's just
12:24It's actually disgusting
12:26Like
12:28I'm mad about it
12:29Yeah, you get it
12:30It's like
12:30It's one of those things where you watch your friends be talented
12:34And you're just
12:35It's revolting
12:36I want to push him down the stairs
12:39Let's not do that
12:40But he'll feel the same way about you
12:42He will
12:43Maybe
12:44He really will
12:45I don't
12:46Please tell me when we can come and see the concert
12:50Tuesday, March 24th through March 29th
12:53At the London Palladium
12:54It's so exciting
12:55I can't wait
12:56I cannot wait
12:57Fantastic
12:57Yeah, you can do that
12:58Yeah, you can do that
13:00Yeah, you can do that
13:01Yeah, you can do that
13:01Yeah, you can do that
13:02Oh, yeah
13:03Oh, yeah
13:04Oh, yeah
13:04Oh, yeah
13:05You're there
13:06You're at the Palladium
13:07We have to talk about Avita
13:09You've just been nominated for an Olivier Award
13:10Congratulations
13:11Oh, yeah
13:13Oh, yeah
13:14Thank you
13:14Thank you
13:18Um
13:18Yeah, there she is
13:19This is when you came out to the balcony
13:22Yeah
13:22And you sang
13:23When they first told you that idea were you like
13:26Don't be ridiculous guys
13:27Oh, no, I was like whatever we need to do
13:29Let's make it happen
13:30It was beyond my wildest dreams
13:31I never could have imagined
13:32There were more people on closing night outside than there were sat inside
13:36Wow
13:37Unbelievable
13:38There were like 3,000 people I think outside for the final night
13:41It went all the way down to the IKEA
13:43On
13:45You guys
13:45Yeah
13:47Yeah
13:47Yeah
13:48And it was unbelievable
13:49There's 2,200 seats in the Palladium roughly
13:51Wow
13:51So it was amazing
13:52And were there some nights that really stuck with you?
13:55Pride
13:56Yeah
13:57Was amazing
13:57Because everyone was so hammered
14:01That they were singing along incorrectly
14:05I had a
14:06We could see the building across from me on Argyle Street
14:08There was
14:09It's a building with restaurants
14:10There's offices I'm sure
14:11Um
14:12And there was somebody who stood in the stairwell
14:15And just kind of mimicked my every move
14:18In my direct eye line
14:20It was hysterical
14:20I have to give kudos
14:21I don't know who they are
14:22Kudos to that man
14:24Thank you
14:24You saw Rachel didn't you?
14:26I did
14:27It's crazy
14:27Yeah
14:28Why would you do that?
14:29It was the hottest ticket in town
14:30I had to pull a lot of strings
14:32To get in
14:33To get in
14:34It was phenomenal
14:35If it makes you feel any better
14:36I'm also disgusted by you
14:37Oh cool
14:38Yeah
14:39A lot of people are
14:40I was like the lungs
14:42And now you're funny as well
14:44I'm going to have to have you put down Rachel
14:45That's all right
14:46Everyone say goodbye to Rachel
14:49Hi
14:49We have somebody here
14:51I believe
14:52Who is about to play Evita at the Swan
14:55Where are you?
14:56In Worcester
14:56Rosie are you here?
14:58Rosie
14:58Hello
14:58Hi darling
15:00Rosie number one good luck
15:01When does it start?
15:0321st of April
15:04So soon
15:05Yeah
15:05Oh my god are you excited?
15:07Yeah
15:07It's the time of your life
15:08Yeah
15:08This is the most exciting part
15:10Do you get enough water breaks?
15:12Um
15:14Yeah
15:14I know
15:15Baby
15:16I know
15:16Yeah
15:17Because I had this really fun thing
15:19Where I didn't have any costume changes
15:20Where usually
15:22As Eva Perrone
15:22I'm sure you have a lot of costume changes
15:24Yeah
15:24Drink during those
15:26Yes
15:26Because I didn't have any of those
15:28And I had to beg for water breaks to be choreographed in
15:30Olivier nominee Fabian Eloise
15:32Should win just because he choreographed water breaks into my choreography
15:36And I bet those who saw it didn't even notice
15:40Right
15:40So
15:42But it's the time of your life
15:43Just take it with you
15:44It's so much fun
15:45You'll remember it for a lifetime
15:46Yeah
15:47Good luck
15:47Good luck Rick a leg
15:49Yeah
15:50Rick a leg
15:51So fun
15:54Your Evita broke records
15:56It was the longest standing ovation
15:58Ever
15:59Yeah
16:00In the West End
16:00How long did it go
16:01Over 10 minutes
16:02Over 10 minutes on closing night for sure
16:04But it was a
16:04It was one of those moments where I was
16:07I was used to doing
16:07I did Shakespeare in New York
16:09Like you don't get a standing o for everything
16:11But in New York it's very much a part of the culture
16:14After the show is done
16:15Everybody stands
16:15And I was told many times
16:18Before the run started like
16:19Well just you know
16:20It doesn't mean they don't like it
16:21If they don't stand
16:22It doesn't mean that
16:23Because London audiences are a lot more reserved
16:25Which I for one really love
16:26And we got a standing ovation every night
16:29And it was bizarre to everybody in the company
16:31That that was what was going on
16:33And closing night was
16:34I think it was like 12 minutes
16:36It went over the record which was 10
16:39Which is crazy
16:40How do you
16:40What face do you pull?
16:43There are many videos of me turning to James Olivas
16:46Who plays Peron
16:47Where I go
16:47I don't know what to do
16:49I don't know what to do
16:51And also like I said
16:52Didn't really have any time off stage
16:54I had to pee so bad
16:57That I would always be like
16:58Alan wrap it up
16:59Because we were waiting for
17:00A reprise of money kept rolling in to come in
17:03So that we could dance off the stage
17:04And it just never came
17:06And so there are also videos of me being like
17:08I have to pee
17:10I'm like saying that to my castmates
17:12Because you had water breaks
17:12I've got
17:13You've had water breaks
17:14And you're not wearing a nappy
17:15I had
17:16Exactly
17:16I had very rare water breaks
17:18So when I could drink water
17:20You best believe I was chugging
17:22Yeah
17:22So it was one of those
17:23Where I had to pee so bad
17:25At the end of that
17:25It's a three hour musical
17:27And I did not leave the stage once
17:29The only time I left the stage
17:30Was to go get ready to go do the balcony
17:31And then I came right back onto the stage
17:33So I didn't have any time to pee during the show
17:35Rachel you need a shiwi
17:36I used a glass to breathe
17:39Not that I used it
17:40Very effective
17:42I highly recommend
17:43Yeah
17:44Now guys
17:45We need to converse about Bait
17:48It's a brand new show
17:50For Prime Video
17:51That's correct
17:52This is a creation of Riz Ahmed
17:54I've known Riz for quite some time
17:56I knew him before I even stumbled into this
17:58And he's been really honest
18:00It's a real honest story of
18:01What it's like for a guy from
18:03A working class family in Wembley
18:05To have done all the stuff he's done
18:07But every time that big role comes
18:09That big opportunity comes
18:11Something goes wrong
18:12Or it doesn't quite happen
18:14And it was wicked to work on it with him
18:16Because it's so honest
18:18It's a lot of his real life and his real story
18:20So yeah, it's got a lot of humour
18:21It's completely crazy
18:23That's how Riz likes to do his stuff
18:24And I think it's very unique
18:26Something that people won't have seen before for sure
18:28This is about Riz going for Bond, right?
18:31He has an audition
18:32And it's like
18:33It's four days
18:34That's the story of Bait, isn't it?
18:36Can I tell you the truth?
18:38Yeah
18:38I'm not really sure
18:42I'm a truthful person, okay?
18:45It's a month of Ramadan
18:45I've got to tell the truth, okay?
18:47I'll be reading my words
18:50And then I'll go to sleep
18:51That's all I do
18:52That's all I do
18:53That's all I do
18:55That's all I do
18:56That's all I do
18:57Other person, other person
18:57My line
18:58Other person, other person
18:59My line
19:00My line
19:01My line
19:01The PR for the show
19:03I just heard her back there
19:05Bang her head against the thing
19:07It's really good though
19:08I can tell you that
19:09It's really good
19:09Should we have a clip?
19:11If you want?
19:11Yeah, why not?
19:12Calm down
19:14It's just an audition, yeah?
19:15Call me if you need a body double for sex scenes
19:17Hello?
19:18Hello?
19:19Can you tell her to call me soon?
19:20She comes back in?
19:22Yeah, sure
19:22No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
19:26no, no, no, no, no, no
19:50I'm just saying it for you for you
19:54Yes!
19:55Come on!
19:56Come on!
19:58Come on!
20:01Look, I have to say it
20:03He is short
20:05He is short, Iris
20:07So, you know, there's certain criteria that I believe you have to hit to be James Bond
20:11And they killed him at number one
20:13He can't even help that
20:14It's not his fault he didn't get the right level of protein in when he was a kid
20:16You can't make a difference on somebody
20:18Bless Riz Ahmed
20:19Can I say that we should have a short James Bond?
20:21Because how are you going to be so tall and sneak it around like a secret agent?
20:24Exactly
20:25I don't see it
20:26I've been saying that for years
20:28LAUGHTER
20:31Where did you first meet him?
20:32Where did I first meet Riz Ahmed?
20:34For legal purposes, I've been asked to frame this story
20:38LAUGHTER
20:39To go back, like, 20 years
20:41Could be a little bit more
20:42And I'm from Coventry
20:44I still live there
20:45And I, before I did this, had different vocations
20:49Mm-hmm
20:51One of my vocations
20:53Was...
20:55Selling tulips
20:56Let's go with that
20:57LAUGHTER
20:58Let's go with that
20:59What beautiful tulips they were
21:00Right?
21:01Yes
21:01I was a florist, people really liked the flowers
21:03Every time they'd say
21:04Brother, this flower is the best flower I ever smelt in my whole life
21:08OK?
21:09LAUGHTER
21:10I was in an alleyway
21:11With my still best friend till this day
21:13And a gentleman comes running into the alleyway
21:16And when you're selling tulips late at night
21:17Everyone's on edge
21:18LAUGHTER
21:21Go with it, guys
21:22I looked down...
21:23I looked down the alleyway
21:24And there's Riz Ahmed
21:26But I didn't know it was Riz Ahmed
21:27And Riz Ahmed was a little bit nervous
21:29About the activity of floristry in this particular alleyway
21:32LAUGHTER
21:33But to his credit
21:34Riz decided to venture down there
21:36To me and my friend
21:37And said
21:38My brothers
21:39I'm about to spit some bars
21:40In the Students' Union
21:42Would you like to join me?
21:44And I looked at my friend and said
21:45Probably not, man
21:46These tulips ain't gonna sell themselves, brother
21:48You better just...
21:48LAUGHTER
21:50My friend, who's a good person
21:51He's a good geezer
21:53He said
21:53No, we should support this guy
21:54He looks kind of stressed
21:55So we accompanied him
21:56To the Students' Union
21:58This is Oscar-winning Riz Ahmed
21:5920 years ago
22:00And he performed
22:02Quite okay-ish rap music
22:04LAUGHTER
22:06Of six people
22:07In Coventry Students' Union
22:09And ten years later
22:11When I started doing like comedy
22:13And silly stuff like that
22:14He messaged me
22:15And he goes
22:15But can I ask you a question?
22:18I said, yeah
22:19He said
22:20Did you used to sell tulips?
22:23LAUGHTER
22:24In an alleyway in Coventry
22:25And I said
22:26Who are you? The police
22:27Go away!
22:29LAUGHTER
22:30And that's the story of how
22:31Me and Riz Ahmed?
22:32I mean...
22:37He invites me to Eid every year
22:39Yeah, he does
22:40He's a good lad
22:41I can't...
22:41I'm gonna miss it this year
22:42Because I'm here
22:43But Riz invites me to...
22:44Like they do Eid in New York
22:46Yes
22:46They do an Eid banquet
22:47And I'm missing it this year
22:48And I'm very sad
22:49But he's so...
22:50He's salt to the earth
22:51He's a good guy
22:52He's gonna have great flowers
22:52Yeah
22:53On the table if you want
22:54Great tulips
22:55Loads of tulips
22:56And you've worked with another one of your best friends
23:00Who's that?
23:01On this Lumbu
23:02Mmm
23:03Because there's this show that I find very difficult to say
23:06So I'm gonna go very sadly
23:07Gus Kahn's Custom Cars
23:08Quite tricky to say
23:09Well done
23:10Gus Kahn's Custom Cars
23:11And you do it with Lumbu
23:13And it is really funny
23:16Look at that
23:16I know nothing about cars
23:18Tell me about this show
23:19Well this show came about because
23:21I do like cars
23:22Mmm
23:23Always have
23:24When we were younger
23:26Just growing up in a working class family in cars
23:27The idea of owning a car
23:29That was more than 750 pounds
23:31Was a bit of a dream
23:32Okay?
23:33And now you get to a stage in your career
23:34Where you can say to people
23:36I like cars
23:38Can we make a television show about it?
23:40Please somebody
23:40And they were...
23:41I was lucky enough for someone to say yeah
23:42But in my head
23:43I always wanted my best friend
23:44To come along on this journey with me
23:45My best friend is Lumbu
23:47To describe Lumbu
23:48He is a human sunflower
23:50Are we talking real flowers this time?
23:52Yeah, yeah
23:53Yeah, yeah
23:53Real flowers
23:55Making sure
23:56But I'm from B&Q
23:57Plan I'm in the ground
23:57Real legit
23:59There he is
24:00Oh
24:00Handsome boy
24:02But you know
24:03You realise
24:04When you bring your friends to make television
24:06They don't really respect the rules
24:09Tell me more
24:10So like
24:10If a call time is at 8.30 in the morning
24:13Uh oh
24:14And your friend turns up at 2.30 in the afternoon
24:17Right
24:18That probably isn't good for the rules, right?
24:21Yeah
24:21And it looks bad on you
24:23It looks terrible on me
24:24Sort of loving for it
24:25What was he doing?
24:26What was he doing until 2.30?
24:28Yeah
24:28Sleeping
24:28Oh wow
24:30Yes, he was tired
24:31I respect it
24:32I gotta respect it
24:33Yeah
24:33But it's an amazing thing to go on
24:35Like we've been messing around since we were kids
24:36Uh and then we went on this journey
24:38To create this incredible custom car
24:40I'd never done that before
24:41But we did realise by the end of the show
24:43That he had created a car
24:46That based on his six foot four length
24:49And my 18 stone weight
24:52We couldn't fit in
24:54Now there's a custom car
24:55Somewhere in the streets of Coventry
24:57Rotting in a car park
24:58If anybody wants it go and take it
25:00It was a fun journey
25:01Really fun journey
25:02I cannot recommend it enough
25:03It's really
25:03I don't know anything about cars
25:05Yeah
25:05But I was howling
25:06By the way you two talk to each other
25:08By the way you talking
25:09There was something about an exhaust pipe
25:11Didn't know what I was
25:11I was in
25:12Yeah
25:13I was in
25:14Where can people watch
25:16I don't know what channel it's on
25:17But you'll find it
25:19It's on Discovery Plus
25:20Is it?
25:20Yeah
25:22And Bait
25:23Amazon for sure
25:24Correct
25:25Prime Video for Bait
25:27And you can witness Riz Armoured
25:29I assume go on to win an Emmy
25:31Because he's incredible in it
25:32Support the show
25:33It's got proper British flavour
25:35It's got proper energy and humour
25:38Just enjoy it
25:39OK
25:39Thank you
25:41Thank you very much
25:43Um
25:43Before you got into comedy
25:46And before all of this
25:48You were a teacher
25:49I was a teacher
25:51What kind of a teacher were you?
25:54A shit one
25:55I don't believe that
25:58I just don't believe that
26:00What do you
26:01I believe that
26:02I love a salesman really
26:03I love a salesman really
26:04You can see it
26:05That tracks
26:05Yeah sure
26:06What did you teach?
26:08Well here's the thing
26:10So when you do your PGCE
26:12Yeah
26:13Specialised in teaching
26:14You do that in a specific subject
26:17Or set of subjects
26:19I never got round to teaching those specific sets of subjects
26:22Right
26:23So like I was basically like a really good big brother forward slash that fun uncle
26:29Yeah
26:29Around school
26:30And I would like to hope
26:31To think maybe that I had contributed in a positive way to the children of Grace Academy in Coventry
26:36If I didn't and you failed your GCSEs I apologise
26:39That is the plot to School of Rock without the music
26:42Yeah
26:42Exactly
26:43Can I tell you something?
26:45Yeah
26:45Your students loved you
26:46Did they love me?
26:47They loved you
26:48Would you like to say hello to them?
26:49No stop it
26:50I'm gonna cry
26:51I'm gonna cry
26:51She's on the front door
26:52I'm gonna cry
26:52Good man
26:54What?
26:56Hey Mr. Khan
26:58Give me another one
27:00Give me another one
27:02Yes
27:02Come in you y'all
27:04Come in
27:11Come in
27:13You're 25 now
27:15You're 25 now
27:15I'm gonna cease
27:18Yes
27:18That's so big
27:21Show me
27:21So good
27:22It's so big
27:23Plus you do
27:24Glunia
27:25You bought all the brown ones
27:27What?
27:30Left on a poor white kids at home in Coventry
27:32I love you too
27:33Please have a seat on the sofa
27:34Have a seat on the sofa
27:34Oh that's brilliant
27:35Oh sit
27:36Oh my goodness
27:37How are you?
27:39Can I sit next to the mirror
27:40Yeah you can sit next to the mirror
27:46about how brilliant you were. I don't want to embarrass you, we've gone a bit, um, weird.
27:53But... But you were much better than you're saying.
27:58Because, Simran, what did he do for you?
28:00You know what? As you see Mr Khan, yeah, in TV,
28:04it was just like how he was in school, yeah?
28:07I remember the first time I had him in a class, yeah?
28:10He goes, Oi, Simran, come here.
28:13And I was like, I thought I was in trouble, right?
28:15And he was like, I can't be asked to do the presentation, slide the next button,
28:19you sit there and you do it for me, yeah?
28:23I was like, safe, right?
28:25But then the thing is, I was quite shy up until I had Mr Khan as my teacher.
28:30And again, he was that fun uncle vibes, right?
28:33Where he made me feel comfortable and I started to gain a bit of confidence from that.
28:37But even after he left, knowing what he pursued
28:42was enough to inspire myself to pursue something different.
28:46You know, when you come from Coventry and you come from a South Asian background,
28:50you're not always pushed to do something creative.
28:52So now, you know, I went to uni, I passed.
28:55Yeah.
28:55Yeah.
28:55Come on.
28:57I got art degree.
28:59I got art degree.
28:59I got art degree.
29:01I got art degree.
29:01And, and, and, and, and, and, yeah, it was like...
29:05You contributed more than you think.
29:07Oh.
29:07Yeah.
29:09Come on.
29:17Tell us about Mr Khan.
29:19Why are you sweating so much?
29:22I don't know what I'm allowed to say.
29:23I'm not allowed to say in it.
29:26The brother's got tulips in his inside pocket.
29:28I don't know about it.
29:30I don't know about it.
29:31Now, you know what it is?
29:32This guy, he made us all feel like you can go out and do anything that you want.
29:37Coventry's, Coventry's going for tulips.
29:39So, everyone...
29:41Brilliant.
29:42Well done.
29:43Everyone there is some sort of florist.
29:45No one really thinks of Coventry and thinks, oh, yeah, like, someone's going to come out of there.
29:52So, to see somebody go out and do it, like, I'll be the first one to say it.
29:55And everyone in Coventry has guzzers back in.
29:57Like, we're super proud of what you've done.
30:00Come on!
30:07Thank you so much.
30:32Thank you so much for coming.
30:34You too.
30:34Jo-am, tell me.
30:36Your tour, you keep adding more dates.
30:38You are playing huge arenas.
30:41Pinot-file.
30:42There it is.
30:44Pinot-file.
30:46I file Pinot.
30:47It's a fun pun.
30:48It has made getting press a little difficult, so I'm delighted to be here, Claudia.
30:54Not every BBC show would take me with a name like that.
30:58You're doing huge venues.
31:00Fun or ever so slightly scary?
31:02It's cray-crack.
31:02Yeah.
31:03Sometimes I think it gets a reputation for being this kind of feral...
31:09I'll give you an example.
31:10Because it's a predominantly female audience, OK?
31:13But a man messaged me and he was like, is it safe for me to come?
31:16And I was like, oh, my God!
31:18They obviously think I'm running some sort of cannibalistic, like, we're putting men in cauldrons
31:23and boiling them and then drinking their bone broth or something, which I would do for now.
31:26It's like a Netflix special, I think.
31:27LAUGHTER
31:29But, no, it's great.
31:30I love it.
31:30Like, I love gigging.
31:31I love travelling around, living out of a suitcase.
31:33Yeah.
31:34We should say you broke records for the longest ever standing ovation at the Palladium.
31:38You broke a different record.
31:40Well, Rachel, I too played the London Palladium and broke a record.
31:44Come on.
31:45Mm-hm.
31:45It was for wine cells.
31:48LAUGHTER
31:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:55Cheers, my dear.
31:56So, maybe they wanted to stand for me too, Rachel, but they couldn't because they were too pissed.
32:01LAUGHTER
32:02But I love your fans.
32:03Isn't it true that every venue are like...
32:05I just...
32:06Not in a bad way, I just want to warn you that, like, have you got white wine?
32:09Have you got Prosecco?
32:10And they're like, yeah, we've got enough.
32:12And you're like...
32:13We're similar women, the women coming.
32:15A little bit of...
32:15You know, we like...
32:16We like a drink.
32:17Yeah.
32:19Bit of undiagnosed ADHD.
32:20Like, there's a vibe.
32:21Yeah.
32:22Mentally feral, physically groomed, you know.
32:24Maybe we might need out of a bin on a weekend.
32:26That's the vibe of the show.
32:29LAUGHTER
32:30You know, like, it is what it is.
32:34LAUGHTER
32:37You know you're talking about wee bricks.
32:38We're going to need one after this.
32:42Peanophile.
32:42On...
32:43On sale now.
32:47Yeah, yeah!
32:51You're doing all of these shows,
32:53and you also would like to adopt a dog.
32:55I bought a house, finally on the ladder.
32:58I have a garden.
32:58Lovely.
32:59I was like, I'll obviously rescue a dog,
33:01cos that's what you do.
33:02I adopt...
33:02Also, I'm adopted myself,
33:03so I feel it's only fair to pay it forward.
33:05Yeah.
33:06And, um...
33:17So I would always rescue I would never buy it shame on you having your own children
33:24It is so hard and now I'll probably get rinsed for saying this but like I was like a blah
33:36blah
33:36I want to adopt a little and they were like yeah, you have a car and I was like no
33:40I said I have access to an e-scooter
33:44If you don't have a car and I was like they're like you can't adopt a dog
33:47I was like what are we driving it to its piano lessons
33:52Because I couldn't if you don't have a garden they don't
33:55Yeah, fine then you can have a whole litter hive I don't know
34:01I'm gaggle
34:01So you have these lovely fans what is the wildest thing your fans have ever done and one time in
34:09the in the Apollo
34:10I could sense there was like a kerfuffle
34:13In one of the balconies
34:15It's kind of distracting you're like what's going on you don't stop the show
34:19Where you're dying to know the tea of what's right? Yeah, yes, I know there was a woman taken out
34:24again
34:25I'm not really selling the show here. I'm worse than you
34:28There was a woman taken out by her arms and her legs I carried a yeah
34:34Yeah, I was like I'm rage and I missed that now
34:36I would have been I thought would have been worth stopping the show for I think her bag fell over
34:40the balcony and she was trying to get us and
34:42I they were worried she'd fall and I don't know anyway look it's fine
34:48We put seat belts in the balconies there
34:50They're strapped in
34:54Now Joanne your fans are a bit like a cult they love you
34:58Would you be up for joining one because I definitely would I have a cult vibe for I'm suggestible
35:04I'd be easily like I think I'm involved in it aloe vera pyramid already, which is kind of
35:12I like I like the sense of camaraderie. Yeah, do you don't you die alone? You die in a gang?
35:18And everyone drinks the poison, but I'm such a buzzer. I'll probably just completely survive
35:22And live in
35:22I'll pop a sobbed in and get out of my day
35:26I I do my agent won't book hotels near Scientia Scientology centers because he's like you go in yeah
35:32I don't like cults. Yeah, don't want to be part of them don't like reading about them don't know watching
35:37Netflix documentaries about them
35:38They're scary. You've got a cult vibe me. Yeah
35:42I would I would join. Oh, yes your leader vibes. Yes. Yeah, I'm very follower vibes. Yeah, you're neither
35:51I
35:51Come on
35:55Guys here's the thing tell us about when you went on holiday the first I would have been to America
36:01It's work I've never been to America in my life. I always thought I'd struggle to get in so like
36:15I
36:17Tried to get into America as Niall. I would be in Guantanamo Bay for the rest
36:21I
36:21Can you imagine that?
36:24Can you imagine that?
36:25Yeah, I was in One Direction
36:28Yeah
36:30You all laugh but he's not wrong
36:33I live there
36:36Where were you going to Los Angeles? Okay. Yeah, and so I said to my wife and the kids are
36:40like this is gonna be an incredible trip
36:42Let's do it. They're like of course. Let's do it mate and I'm like yo
36:45This is exciting. Let me book somewhere incredible in the Hollywood Hills
36:50I love my wife and my children and then I saw how much it cost to book somewhere in the
36:55Hollywood Hills
36:55I don't love them that much so I went on the
36:59Airbnb list and I found somewhere that looks sick and it had an exciting name. It was called Topanga
37:06Is that what yes, okay, so Topanga Canyon now it sounds exciting. Yeah, I went on the list and they
37:11had no ratings
37:12But it looks sick and it was cheap. No ratings
37:14Yeah, I know I'm an idiot
37:16You've met me now you've been sitting next to me. You know how this stuff goes
37:18Terrible
37:20So I booked it and
37:22We got to the airport and there's a wonderful driver that was there to pick us up and he says
37:26so brother
37:26Where you going and I was like oh here Topanga he went oh
37:30I said why you say oh for like that you said brother man. I'm saying brother like me you
37:37We don't be in Topanga
37:40Immediate worrying sign but anyway, it's cheap two of the kids are asleep ones vomiting in the back
37:45Let's just get to Topanga. Okay, so we're heading up to Topanga and it's very it's very like um up
37:51hilly
37:51Yeah, there's a lot of altitude and we're traveling there and he's telling me all these terrible stories about man
37:57here
37:59I see where's the hospital shit. I don't know
38:03We should be here anyway, I'm listening to these keys are bang on and we get to the house pitch
38:08black
38:09There's all noises of crickets and
38:14Never heard in my life, okay, I thought there's people in the butcher going push push push
38:20So it's pitch black and the instructions to get in this property are a bit weird
38:24Yeah, you've got to go around the back and there's no lights, but there were
38:29Like security cameras all over this house, right? So
38:32We're walking around and then my kids did wherever they're walking this camera's going
38:40Right so my sons are our dad the cameras following me. I said shut up man. You don't know what's
38:43going on
38:46We managed to get in the house and my middle son lispy he's called out cuz he's got a list
38:52so this piece in the house
38:54You're making that up. No, so this piece in the house up and this is like we love him, but
38:59you know
39:06Like his dad let me get feelings. He's like dad's my dad's
39:11This place is weird guys and I'm like shut up some manual your mom's already angry at me
39:15There's no electricity in the house. It's just dark in here
39:16Anyway, so we found a couple lights all the mood lighting but like lispy's they're touching all that that's all
39:21the walls hollow
39:23I said sometimes walls be like that son
39:27So he's in a house everyone's like sick trying to settle in to this good vibe, okay?
39:32I'm not like I've got I've got the feeling my wife's looking like why your eyes so wide I'm like
39:36lispy says there's something weird in the house
39:39So lisp has run up the stairs. He's touching all the walls upstairs and he come back down. He goes
39:44dad
39:45Doesn't want to show you something dad
39:46So i've gone upstairs with lispy and my wife is like i should never married you and then
39:57We've gone upstairs and then there's a room
40:00Uh and he's managed to get it open so it was locked but lisp's money is very resourceful
40:06He's managed to get it open and in this i swear to god in the center of the room was
40:12a cabinet a very ornate
40:14Cabinet no and i was like lisp where you find this because i don't know it's in the room
40:21Like the door but i was yanked on it now because look at what's inside dad
40:29He's opened it double-handed
40:33It's gone dad
40:35Dad what's all that red stuff no and in this cupboard in the middle of this already creepy airbnb
40:43There are vials of blood
40:47Lined up all across there he said dad that don't look good
40:52I said that is not good
40:55We left the house immediately i called the driver and the driver said brother i told you man
41:01We're supposed to be right here oh my god
41:03Never went back again
41:05Bloody hell
41:07We're lucky to be alive right
41:11The weird thing is like days later like the airbnb listing was gone
41:16So big up lispy
41:19He's the new love of my life yeah genuinely
41:22Right so we have almost come to the end but before we close this is quite a lot of pressure
41:29But i just need to ask the first date
41:31I think it's been good yeah
41:33Yeah we didn't ruin it then no no no no i don't know what we're going to do for the
41:37next date like graham
41:44I can i can sort that out for you
41:47But maybe next time i don't know a dough ball and a drink
41:52If you're still together at the end of the year you can come and watch my show even if you
41:55like it or not
41:56Do you want to come see a musical about divorce
42:02Awesome great i was gonna say
42:04Do you want to be carried out in all fours
42:07From a balcony at the hammers with a parlor i can do that
42:11You want to come to yourself in tulips
42:20Brilliant that was amazing
42:22That is it we are off to play swing ball and talk more about tulips
42:27I would like to thank my wonderful guest joanne mcnally
42:31Oh yeah
42:32Gus Kahn
42:34Rachel Zegler
42:35And Nia Warren
42:39We are back next week when i'll be joined by jimmy carl chase infinity and lisa kudrow thank you for
42:46watching good night
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