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00:43Part of what makes a comic great is a struggle to win over an indifferent crowd.
00:48When comics no longer have to struggle, sometimes they're not funny anymore.
00:54That's what happened to Johnny Vegas.
00:58That's why Johnny Vegas is washed up.
01:04Please welcome Johnny Vegas.
01:16Ladies and gentlemen, I'd love to say something funny happened on the way over here tonight,
01:22but, you know, having a show of a driven car really does cut down on awkward coincidences.
01:33Johnny Vegas has declined as a result of quite simply fame.
01:38First cross rail travel, eh?
01:42Overrated.
01:43I mean, the food's still rubbish.
01:48Success has affected Johnny in many ways, but I think it's taken the age off his act, to be honest.
01:53I sold a pair of my socks on eBay, being auctioned, 80 quid.
02:02What kind of world do we live in?
02:07Right then, goodnight.
02:14It's such a pity that somebody who could have been potentially so nice has become such a fool.
02:23I'm on fire!
02:25Did you hear that?
02:27You can actually hear them listening.
02:29I love theatre audiences!
02:31Johnny Vegas, I'm a big fan.
02:34Hi, hi, I'm on fire!
02:37I'm here to help, to help, I'm here to help.
02:42The name's Kai Rydell, I'm a celebrity fixer.
02:47I help people who've gone adrift, lost the plot a little bit.
02:53Johnny Vegas is a big TV star who no longer appreciates how to work a room.
02:59His management have asked me to solve this problem.
03:02So I'm taking him back to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival where his comedy career began.
03:07I want him belittled, humiliated and broken.
03:11Only then could I make Johnny Vegas funny again.
03:17Kai Rydell, celebrity fixer.
03:19This is Angelo.
03:20Oh, Johnny, how are you all right, mate?
03:22Of Angelo's Isis, your sponsor for the next couple of weeks.
03:24Very, very funny man, mate, very funny man.
03:26What are we having?
03:27We're in Edinburgh.
03:29With a festival.
03:30Looking forward to it.
03:32I had a lunch book till my mum used to it.
03:41My plan for Johnny at this festival is to take him back to the beginning.
03:46He's in smaller gigs with a lively audience, not some TV studio where they fetch his tea.
03:52I'm breaking him down to build him up.
03:54Sometimes in life, you've got to go back to go forward.
03:57Well, I'm fucking knocking him right back.
04:00Right.
04:01This is your gig.
04:02Oh, that's lovely.
04:04All right, Angelo, all right?
04:05Great.
04:05All right.
04:08It's lovely, that.
04:09You have to be with it, Angelo.
04:10Yeah, it's fantastic, that.
04:12Nice one.
04:14Right, I'm off to get some several.
04:16I'll leave you with it.
04:18See you later.
04:20What I had to think of with Johnny was,
04:22who could I put him with?
04:23Ask a potential sponsor that's going to show him in the worst possible light
04:27and do him the most personal damage.
04:30I came across this Simpleton Angelo and it just seemed perfect.
04:38I'm Angelo Wilson from Angelo's Creamy Ices.
04:40And this is my van.
04:43Isn't she gorgeous?
04:44And this year, I'm in Edinburgh to sponsor Johnny Vegas.
04:47It's my belief that the relationship between Johnny Vegas
04:51and traditional, old-fashioned ice cream
04:53is like a marriage made in heaven.
04:56So, who's ready for ice cream?
05:00It says traditional ice cream, doesn't it?
05:03Yeah, it does.
05:04It does.
05:05It does.
05:06And it's not that it's massive,
05:07so everybody's going to hear you mention ice cream, aren't they?
05:09Do you know what I mean?
05:10Even people that sat at the bath there, it's going to be great.
05:13You've found the perfect venue.
05:15Right.
05:16All you need now is the perfect comic to play a space like this
05:19that can really whip this up and you're a little bit of a fella.
05:24You are that perfect comic.
05:26What do you think we're picking for from the beginning?
05:28I'm not, mate.
05:29I have certain technical requirements.
05:34What does everything, eh, Johnny?
05:35There's not an orchestra pit.
05:37What do you want an orchestra pit for?
05:39Because I do this new, like...
05:41There's a toilet round about there.
05:42Clever stuff about, eh, Danny's Inferno.
05:46I can't descend from there.
05:50Well, just come out of that door, then.
05:51I need a...
05:52I can't...
05:52I can't be Christ-like and come through a door.
05:55I just want you to tell a few jokes about ice cream, Johnny.
05:58Johnny, look, it's great.
06:00No, but...
06:00Ladies and gentlemen,
06:02did you hear about the stone about the strawberry vanilla ice cream?
06:05It's great.
06:07You've not quite done anything about that finish enough, gentlemen.
06:10Have you?
06:10Did you hear about the chocolate?
06:12They fell in the orchestra pit.
06:14Bloody matter.
06:14No, they didn't.
06:15Because there fucking isn't one.
06:17If I do a gig where I can see the back wall,
06:20it's got to be for the sick kid
06:22or the relative.
06:26I need a theatre audience.
06:29If I'm ever going to develop
06:31beyond me pupus stage,
06:34I need listeners.
06:36Johnny, I can't afford to...
06:38It's too hectic.
06:39I've become too delicate.
06:41To play this.
06:43I'm not having this.
06:43Guy!
06:47Have a word with him, mate.
06:48I was just...
06:49No, we're not.
06:51And I'll tell you what,
06:52you can beat me
06:53with the biggest that you can find.
06:55But I am not...
07:00Get out of here!
07:01Get out of here!
07:03Get out of here!
07:04If you've just put the stools to the back,
07:06it'll...
07:07might work.
07:08Now be fucking funny!
07:16Two choc aces.
07:18That's great.
07:18Love it.
07:19Everybody's happy.
07:20Yep.
07:20Absolutely.
07:21Super.
07:27The plan for Johnny at this festival
07:30is to put him into a very, very bad place.
07:33Emotionally,
07:34physically,
07:37geographically.
07:38And to that end,
07:39I'll put him in a
07:41shitty little flat with Tony Kenner.
07:43Good evening.
07:44I'm Tony Kenner,
07:45stand-up comic.
07:46Have you ever noticed on food,
07:47now?
07:48They've always got, like,
07:49pictures of celebs on.
07:50Do you know what I mean?
07:51Like, Jane Asher,
07:52or Ainsley Ariat,
07:53or, you know,
07:54Lloyd Grossman.
07:55I mean,
07:55what's that all about, eh?
07:57It's rubbish, isn't it?
07:58I put Johnny and Tony together,
08:01er,
08:02because I couldn't think
08:03of a quicker come-down
08:04than rooming with that
08:06frightening little fucker.
08:08Get in there!
08:11Right.
08:11Ten o'clock tonight,
08:12you first key.
08:13Right?
08:13You hear me?
08:14You hear me?
08:15Here's your flat, mate.
08:16Tony Kenner.
08:17Johnny!
08:18Fucking hell.
08:19How are you, fella?
08:20You all right, Mum?
08:21I'll need you to take care
08:22of this love for us, Tom.
08:23No problem, yeah.
08:24Anyway, listen,
08:25what's your favourite flavour?
08:26I've told you
08:27I'm lactose intolerant.
08:28You cheeky chimp.
08:30Fuck off.
08:32You know,
08:32with Johnny staying here,
08:33we can bounce ideas
08:34off each other,
08:35you know,
08:36maybe come up with a sitcom,
08:38you know,
08:38a film,
08:38a panso,
08:39whatever.
08:40It'll just be like
08:41jazz comedy.
08:52You know what I really
08:53hate, Johnny?
08:54You know what I really
08:55hate?
08:56What?
08:56Celebrity endorsement
08:57of food products.
08:59Look at that.
08:59Ainsley Ariot
09:00on the front of
09:01Hot Shop Marinade
09:02and Sauce.
09:02I mean,
09:02what's that all about,
09:04Johnny?
09:04Why?
09:05He's a chef.
09:06Yeah, but
09:07why the fuck's he there?
09:09What's he doing?
09:10Jane Asher,
09:10chocolate flapjack mix.
09:11I mean,
09:12what's that all about?
09:12She's a famous baker, Tom.
09:14Paul Newman's
09:15old Italian dressing.
09:16I mean,
09:17fuck me, John.
09:18Look at that.
09:19I mean,
09:19I mean,
09:20Postman Pat,
09:21Postman Pat
09:22on pasta shapes.
09:23I mean,
09:23he's not a chef,
09:24is he?
09:25He's not even real.
09:26No, you're right.
09:26That one's wrong.
09:27You know what I've been doing,
09:28Johnny?
09:29You know what I've been doing?
09:30Right.
09:30You know what I've been doing,
09:31fella?
09:32Right.
09:32I've been cutting out
09:34the faces of the celebs.
09:35Do you know I know
09:36these bottles?
09:37Yeah.
09:37And I've been putting them
09:39on things that they
09:40don't actually sell.
09:41Do you know,
09:42like,
09:42I've got Paul Newman,
09:43I've cut him out,
09:43look,
09:44and I've got him
09:45advertising
09:45Durbak M,
09:47liquid,
09:47kills head lice,
09:49crab lice,
09:49and scabies.
09:50He's like,
09:51you know,
09:51Paul Newman doesn't really,
09:52you know,
09:53he isn't really on the face
09:53of that,
09:54but he's selling
09:56crab cream.
09:57It's funny,
09:58isn't it?
09:58It's funny,
09:59it's funny,
09:59isn't it?
10:00Yeah,
10:01yeah,
10:02it's funny.
10:03It's,
10:03you might like,
10:04Johnny.
10:04I mean,
10:04coming from you,
10:05that's really nice.
10:06I mean,
10:06you know,
10:06I love you.
10:08You believe not?
10:08It's funny.
10:09Tell me it's funny.
10:10Funny,
10:10it's funny.
10:11I swear it's funny.
10:12Yeah,
10:12it's good,
10:13isn't it?
10:13I might do it myself.
10:15I might cut Uncle Ben's face out
10:18and put him on some,
10:19uh,
10:19ant killer.
10:20Don't you fucking dare
10:21nick my material.
10:22I'd say I'd cut your face out
10:24and stick it on some fucking bleach.
10:33So this is it?
10:34Shez Kai,
10:35home to me and Angelo
10:37for the donation of the festival.
10:38You,
10:39uh,
10:40might be asking yourself,
10:41why am I in a beautiful pod like this
10:43and Johnny,
10:44some shitty little flat
10:45with Tony Kenner.
10:46Well,
10:48that's what I do.
10:50You've got a toilet each?
10:51Right.
10:51You've got blankets?
10:52Mm-hmm.
10:53You've got a crooked hood?
10:54Something.
10:55Well,
10:55if you send a shit on,
10:56you put us in?
10:57We're not here to discuss the flat.
10:59We're here to discuss you.
11:00I'm here to discuss the flat.
11:01I'm not.
11:01I'm here to discuss...
11:02Is it your money?
11:03Absolutely.
11:04So shut it then.
11:06I'm here to discuss
11:07you incorporating your work
11:09into ice cream
11:10because at the end of the day
11:11I'm sponsoring you,
11:12aren't I?
11:15Incorporating my work
11:16into ice cream?
11:17Precisely.
11:17Because you're the best,
11:18aren't you?
11:19Yeah,
11:19yeah,
11:20yeah,
11:20I am actually.
11:21Right.
11:21And you turn up
11:22and you think you're just
11:23going to like
11:23buy your way into my life
11:25and incorporate my life
11:27into ice cream?
11:28Absolutely.
11:28And how the fuck
11:30do you think
11:30I'm going to do that?
11:31That's for you to find out,
11:32not me.
11:33What do you mean?
11:33You're the comedian,
11:34aren't you?
11:34I'm the ice cream man.
11:36You're the best
11:37at what you do
11:37and with your help
11:38I'm going to be
11:39the best ice cream man
11:41I can help you!
11:42You can!
11:45Have you seen my act?
11:46Yeah.
11:47Do you know what I do?
11:48Yeah.
11:48It's pathos.
11:50Right.
11:50It's agony.
11:51It's shirin'.
11:52It's taking a piece
11:53of yourself
11:54and offering it
11:55to the world.
11:56It doesn't come
11:57with fucking
11:58wafers on it!
11:59You're scared, you.
12:01Yeah,
12:01I'm scared.
12:02You're scared,
12:03you because you
12:04can't hurt,
12:04can't you, Johnny?
12:05I'm really scared of you.
12:06I'm big Johnny Vegas
12:07and I just can't
12:08incorporate
12:09a few ice cream jokes
12:11into my programme.
12:12Because I'm crap!
12:15What jokes
12:16do you...
12:17There's no...
12:17Think about it!
12:19You're the best
12:19one you think
12:20I've fucking hired you for!
12:22Hello, ladies and gentlemen.
12:23You know,
12:24me dad slaughtered
12:25me pet rabbit
12:25and fed it to me.
12:2799ers!
12:28No.
12:29Where's the link?
12:31Hello, ladies and gentlemen.
12:32Me dad slaughtered
12:33me pet rabbit
12:34so you know
12:34what I did?
12:35I went and bought
12:36myself a 99!
12:38Yeah?
12:47Johnny,
12:48just think about it,
12:49right?
12:50Two ice creams
12:51walk into a bar,
12:53right?
12:53A red one
12:54and a green one
12:55and the landlord
12:56looks at him
12:57and says,
12:57erm,
12:59you know,
13:00you might finish it off.
13:03Do you know what I mean?
13:04You can do it.
13:05I don't know what you mean.
13:06Oh, you can do it, Johnny.
13:08I don't want to do it
13:09and I'm not doing it.
13:11A girl walks into
13:12another bar
13:12and she says,
13:13erm,
13:14does anybody want to
13:15lick me strawberry split?
13:17And then,
13:19you know,
13:20you can finish
13:21that one off.
13:22I'm not,
13:23I'm not,
13:24I'm not doing
13:24chubby banana-esque
13:26ice cream gags.
13:29Don't...
13:29How long is that?
13:32We've got our
13:33catchphrases, Johnny.
13:34We haven't got
13:34our catchphrases.
13:35We haven't got anything.
13:37Yeah, you've got
13:37your cheeky chimp.
13:38You don't belong
13:39into baby.
13:40I've got my
13:41who's ready for ice cream.
13:43It's not
13:44a comedy catchphrase.
13:53We've planned
13:54is to bring him here
13:55and to make him
13:56more fucking miserable
13:57than he ever thought possible.
13:59I want him to remember
13:59what it's like
14:00and what set him off
14:02in the road
14:02in the first place.
14:03Ladies and gentlemen,
14:05Mr. Johnny Vega.
14:14Yeah!
14:20Hey,
14:20we're not
14:20shooting stars, man.
14:22Hey,
14:23a boogging.
14:24No better than
14:25a talking TV.
14:29Yeah, yeah.
14:31Shooting stars.
14:33My mother hates you.
14:35Your brother hates me.
14:36My mother hates you.
14:37Your mother hates me.
14:39Well I'll if we don't say goodbye.
14:55It was like the British of Madison County without any of the romance.
15:02Don't worry.
15:03Just jizzed on the back and mellowed.
15:10All this shouting. All this.
15:13Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:13I came out here wanting to do a genteel show.
15:16Nice and rich.
15:18I want to give you a fight.
15:19Cannons to the left of them.
15:24There's one last out there. Look at her.
15:27Gorgeous. Frightened.
15:30Yeah, she's well to do.
15:34I'm sorry.
15:34I see you're quaking.
15:37You didn't intend this to happen.
15:39You wanted a night of culture, didn't you?
15:41Oh, you're folding up like a little...
15:45origami panda.
15:49So tender.
15:50So tender.
15:50So threatened.
15:52That's the life I want.
15:54Not you.
15:56Hey!
15:58The theatre-goer.
16:02I bet you put your kebab on the plate.
16:10Cheers, mate. Thanks.
16:15I'm sure...
16:16No, I'm sure that's not...
16:17I know, it's a Highland Scottish ritual.
16:19Now we're married.
16:23So go and get your cock-cuts off and learn to listen.
16:33Trying to talk to the nice lady.
16:36I don't want this. I want you.
16:39Teach me your ways.
16:42Or even the shy little laugh tells me,
16:44you've got servants.
16:47Great.
16:49Fuck you.
16:50This is the life I could have married him to.
16:54There's still time.
16:56The snake, the...
16:56What? Come on!
17:01I had chips.
17:06You know, if you love me, have me.
17:08But don't just use me to piss your dad off.
17:12Cos it's not fair, is it?
17:13It's not fair on me.
17:15And it's not fair on me.
17:18You're courtyard.
17:20I can sense it.
17:21Leave me alone.
17:23I can't!
17:25I'm already building up four different wanks over here.
17:35You're in a top hat and you're pushing me on the bed.
17:40You're calling me a degenerate.
17:43And the police turn up and they all look like Lenin.
17:46And I'm jogged off for me education.
17:49And made to sleep with bigger women.
17:53I want your life.
17:55It's all the point of how you was raised.
17:57I was told that pissing in the sink was good manners.
18:02Rather than flush the chain late at night.
18:18I've already been so tired.
18:24I'm going to get back to you.
18:29You're on the bed.
18:32I'm going to get back to you.
18:32I'm going to get back to you.
18:36Come on, favourite ice-cream?
18:37Sorbet.
18:38Sorbet is an ice-cream, is it?
18:40I don't know.
18:41No, it's not.
18:42And why not?
18:44Why not, Angelo?
18:47Why is a sorbet different to ice-cream, you megalomaniac fuck?
18:54I'll see you later.
18:57Sorbet is sugar and citric acid.
19:00Ice-cream is milk powder, hardened palm kernel oil, sugar.
19:07Just to shut your faces.
19:11Hey, hey, hey, I'm sponsoring this show tonight.
19:14Another sleepless night you can do without now.
19:21Fucking sponsors and fucking blokes in my hat.
19:46I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy.
19:49And I can't get it through to him to explain to him how much this means to me.
19:53And he just goes off on a tangent, talking about everything that I'm not interested in.
19:58When he should be talking about ice-cream, traditional ice-cream.
20:02And that's it at the end of the day.
20:23To try and understand what makes a great comic, I've been watching Johnny sleeping.
20:28You know?
20:29I mean, not in a weird way.
20:30Or anything like that.
20:32See if any of that comic genius will rub off on me.
20:35You know?
20:36And it's not weird, right?
20:37I've climbed in with him, you know, a couple of times.
20:40He doesn't know anything about it, obviously, you know?
20:43And he climb in, you know, like two comedy twins in this little womb, you know?
20:48They snuggle up.
20:50And, do you know, I got a semi once.
20:52Whereas, you know, not in a sexual way like you would with a woman.
20:56It was more of a piss-prone, you know?
20:58It's like when you need a slash.
21:01It was nothing weird, do you know?
21:03Nothing weird at all.
21:04I didn't put it in or anything, you know?
21:07Because that would be a bit odd.
21:08But mind you, you know, it could be like some kind of aircraft carrier, do you know?
21:13And he'd refuel me with some kind of comedy genius.
21:17It's not, it's not odd.
21:18It's just, it's just what comics do.
21:23Tender carrots and potatoes.
21:28It's what comics eat, Johnny.
21:30The old baby food stuff.
21:32I've been coming to the festival for ten years now.
21:34This is, this is what comics eat.
21:36It's legit.
21:36Do you want to try it?
21:37No, I don't.
21:38Go on, have a bit.
21:40Tony, I don't want any fucking baby food.
21:42Well, come on, try a bit.
21:43What happened to my food?
21:45I don't eat fucking baby food.
21:48Oh, come on.
21:48I eat a fridge with fucking milk and good things.
21:53This is what comics eat.
21:53There was one patty in there.
21:55I haven't such a fridge.
21:56It's what, you can't even eat it.
21:58There's me, the Queen, Noel Edmonds and a selected handful of people.
22:05I wouldn't go to a fridge and steal a great comic's food.
22:09We only took people in the fucking flat.
22:11But we might have had burglars.
22:14And they left the video.
22:16And took the swamp.
22:17I know what I'd do.
22:18Go and have a bit.
22:19Go and have a little bit.
22:21Go, Johnny, it's what comics do.
22:23I don't want any baby food.
22:25Oh, you think you're such a big time comic, don't you?
22:27Eh?
22:28Fucking monkey boy and all that.
22:30Fuck me, yeah.
22:31So, I'm a big fucking comic.
22:33I don't need your baby food.
22:34What the fuck's that?
22:35I don't have some fucking baby food.
22:39See?
22:40It's nice, isn't it?
22:42No, it's really nice.
22:43You feel it go.
22:44You can feel it go down, can't you?
22:45You know, down your throat and everything.
22:47And it just, like, slides down dead easily, doesn't it?
22:50And you don't burn your stomach.
22:51Have some more!
22:53I'm full up now.
22:54No, you're not full.
22:55We've got loads left.
22:57It's really filling.
22:57We've got loads left here.
22:58I'm just trying to end up what I can do.
22:59Hair of plate.
22:59Hair of plate.
23:00Hi, Jack!
23:03There's loads left here.
23:04Look at that.
23:05Don't it look nice.
23:08Just don't it look nice.
23:08You have a bit.
23:09Just don't it.
23:10What?
23:10Mmm.
23:10Mmm.
23:11I want a bit.
23:13You going to share a spoon?
23:14Oh, go on.
23:15Go on.
23:15Share a spoon.
23:17Go on.
23:17Go on.
23:17Motorcar.
23:18Motorcar.
23:18Car for us.
23:20It's nice, isn't it?
23:22Oh.
23:23Is it alright for you?
23:25Yeah.
23:25Eyes shut.
23:26Eyes shut.
23:28Let's go.
23:28Eyes shut!
23:29There we go!
23:38I like steak au poivre, which is, that's French for pepper.
23:43Poivre.
23:44You can have green, which is ver.
23:47So, for instance, if I went in a restaurant, I might say steak au poivre.
23:52Make sure it's ver sauce.
23:54You know what I mean?
23:55I like that.
23:55I like sauté potatoes, aren't they?
23:58They're like, er, a cross, tweed a chip and a jacket potato.
24:03Er, and I've also had, er, they call it calamari, and that's squid.
24:13Motherfucker.
24:18I like that.
24:19I love it.
24:19I love it.
24:20I love it.
24:24I love a little baby food.
24:27I love it.
24:36I love it.
24:38I love it.
24:39I love it.
24:39But now I can't even get him to answer me calls anymore.
24:42He's someone else now. I don't recognise him.
24:44I believe he just moves with the higher-ed circles now.
24:48Paul Whitehouse might be able to trust him, but I think I'm long forgotten.
24:51I can trust him not to ring me back, and I can trust him to be shit.
24:56I would send Johnny Vegas a Christmas card now
24:58if he sent me the money to send him a Christmas card.
25:01And if I knew his address.
25:03And if I knew him.
25:05On the day that Johnny Vegas finally drinks himself to death,
25:08I will celebrate you.
25:17What I've done here, right, is I've arranged a press conference.
25:21Right, I've got a fella from ice cream business,
25:23and the reason why is to fucking humiliate him.
25:29Right, well, thanks for coming along today.
25:32What we've got here is what I like to think of a unique experience
25:35and a chance for Johnny here to prove to a cynical public
25:39that he does have a real, true and abiding love for Angelo's ices here.
25:44So, to that end, we've come up with the choc-ice challenge.
25:48Basically, a contest to eat as much ice cream as is possible in an hour.
25:56So, if you'd like to make a start.
25:58Can't you just tell them I have to start?
26:00Can we start with the catchphrase, please, if we can?
26:03All right, then.
26:03Is who's ready for the ice cream?
26:15So, that's the comedy.
26:17That's the ice cream.
26:19Where the fuck's that?
26:20That's the comedy.
26:21That's the ice cream.
26:22And that's you in the middle.
26:24Now, eat it.
26:27Right.
26:28I've not come here to waste my fucking time.
26:32Now, eat them.
26:33There you go.
26:34Nice big bite.
26:35Let's have a nice big bite.
26:42All right.
26:44That's ice cream.
26:45Who's ready for ice cream?
26:47We're ready for ice cream.
26:49There we go.
26:49Ice cream.
26:51Umber.
26:52Jesus.
26:53Four.
27:00Have you been drinking?
27:02You knew you were doing this, didn't you?
27:04You knew you had this to do when you've been out fucking boozing, you lazy, selfish twat.
27:10Eat your fucking ice creams.
27:12No, I haven't got...
27:12Shut up.
27:13You've been boozing?
27:14You've been boozing.
27:15Of course he's been boozing.
27:15I've gone to all this expense and you've been boozing.
27:18You've been out fucking twat with me.
27:19Well, I'll tell you what.
27:20Here, here.
27:22Eat them.
27:25Eat them.
27:26Everywhere.
27:26Every fucking one of them.
27:27Every fucking one of them, you bastard.
27:29Eat them.
27:32Right.
27:33Any questions to finish up on?
27:35No, not really.
27:36No, we'll shut up then.
27:43A considerate few words, isn't it, really?
27:45Mind that child.
27:46Look after the kids.
27:47Not, like, today.
27:49What did you see on the back of the vans today, eh?
27:51Samantha Fox's tits saying,
27:54Lick them, you'll love them.
27:56Eh, drugged up bastards.
27:58Heroin needles.
27:59Eh?
28:00Spiders and shit like that.
28:01Eh?
28:02No, not on this van, mate.
28:04This is my van.
28:07My pride and joy and all you curly-whirly pissheads who are out there in all your 40-gram vans.
28:13You can stick them where the sun don't shine.
28:16Because I'm going back to the roots.
28:19You can go round in your vans all day with your curly-whirly whippy-frippy shitty stuff.
28:25Good luck to you.
28:26But I'm telling you, I'll be behind you.
28:29And soon, I'll overtake you.
28:31And soon, you'll be all crying to come and buy this bloody van.
28:36But you know what I'll say?
28:38Go and fuck yourselves.
28:48Who's ready for ice cream?
28:50Who's ready for ice cream?
28:52What a magnificent audience.
28:54You know, I might say this job, but actually, you know, comedian.
28:58Anyway, right, I'm not going to hold the show up any longer.
29:00Ladies and gentlemen, it's my pleasure to announce the one and only, the irrepressible,
29:08Mr. Johnny Vegas!
29:40For letting yourselves be abused by that fat fuck.
29:48Who's made a very ill-conceived investment in my future.
29:54I know.
29:57Who truly fucking believes I'm going to come out and ask people if they're ready for ice cream.
30:08You twisted idiot.
30:13I wonder why one bloke with one van, not a fleet.
30:21Not a fleet of vans and a hard cousin.
30:24One bloke with one van.
30:30Thinks he can pick on a bloke at a desperate moment and chuck a bit of money at him.
30:35I don't want you sitting there.
30:39I've got a head fucking full of traditional ice cream.
30:45Do you even know how ice cream is made?
30:51Neither do fucking I.
30:54When they're both going, talk about it.
30:56It'll be a laugh.
31:03Two truck aces, go in a pub, right?
31:11I would think that's amazing enough.
31:18If I would start watching that, I would go straight back to my wife and apologise.
31:26And she wouldn't believe me, but I'd know I'd seen it with me own eyes.
31:31Two truck aces.
31:32Did they walk in?
31:34Well, they kind of floated.
31:35Did they have little feet?
31:36I don't know.
31:38I was caught up in the magic of the moment of two truck aces just drifting in.
31:44What were they like?
31:45Well, they acted really casual.
31:48For walking truck aces on a hot day with loads of kids around,
31:54they really looked like they could handle themselves.
31:57They were just fucking chock aces.
32:04Good evening.
32:05My name's Tony Kenner.
32:07Bought some Gammon the other day.
32:09It's a Gammon GM3.
32:11Oh, fuck off.
32:12There's a G at the beginning.
32:13There's two M's in the middle.
32:15Lying to us.
32:16Labels.
32:17Lying.
32:18That's fucking good material.
32:20You can fuck off.
32:21Fuck off.
32:22That's all right, that.
32:24That's fucking all right.
32:25That's a class fucking gag.
32:29Good evening.
32:31My name's Tony Kenner.
32:33Oh, hi.
32:34Sponsors love me.
32:36I killed the monkey.
32:38I killed Hobnob Biscuits.
32:41That was another big potential money earner.
32:44And then I got this phone call going,
32:46We're never so sorry.
32:47Graham Norton.
32:48They've gone for him.
32:49They're putting him on the packets.
32:53Just at the time I was in this aquarium,
32:56deciding whether to go for guppies or just fucking playing goldfish.
33:03I ended up with a saltwater crab and it died.
33:12How's he going to deal with an ice cream sponsor?
33:15But he largely ignored it during the gigs and turned his head.
33:20His head kicked in at the end of it.
33:26Two chock aces go in the pub.
33:30Two fucking chock aces go in the pub.
33:34One of them says to the other,
33:35It's fucking...
33:37All right.
33:38All right.
33:40Fuck's sake.
33:46Right, well, it's just not been good enough.
33:49Spent a lot of money tonight on this thing.
33:51Yeah, I'm going to be an angel.
33:52Can I jump in there, mate?
33:53Yeah, yeah, come on.
33:53Let me just ask you a few questions straight to your face, right,
33:55from the fucking get-go.
33:57Did you see the name at the back of the stage?
33:58Yeah.
33:59Did you get a chance to go up there on stage?
34:00I did.
34:01Yeah, did he speak about ice creams?
34:03Not as much as I wanted him to.
34:04Did he speak about ice...
34:05Not as much as I wanted him to.
34:07Don't fucking round with me,
34:08because I'll go to fucking town on you.
34:09Did he speak about ice creams?
34:12Yes.
34:12At what point did that not match your expectations?
34:16I just thought that he might have just...
34:18Don't fucking make me go, mate,
34:19because when I go, you'll fucking know about it.
34:22Yeah.
34:22All right?
34:23Yeah.
34:23Then you, together.
34:24Okay, mate.
34:24We're going to fucking make this work.
34:26Okay.
34:26All right?
34:26Can I get a hug?
34:28Yeah, I thought you can.
34:28Can I get a big hug?
34:29Come on.
34:30Come on.
34:30Come on.
34:31We're going to...
34:33Angelo's Ice Creams, Johnny Vegas,
34:34going to the top.
34:36Who's ready for an ice cream?
34:38Fucking two.
34:40That's right, lad.
34:41That's right, lad.
34:43Come on, lad.
34:43You ready for us, man?
34:45Come on.
34:45You can do it.
34:46I'm ready for us.
34:47Come on.
34:48I'm ready for us.
34:49That's right, lad.
34:50See?
34:51See?
34:51Already the words fucking...
34:52Already.
34:54Are you excited?
35:14Wake up, Johnny.
35:15Wake up, Johnny.
35:16Wake up, Johnny.
35:16Johnny, what is it now?
35:18Johnny, mate.
35:19I bought some gammon today, Johnny.
35:21He said...
35:22No, you didn't, Tony.
35:23You don't go out.
35:24No, I did.
35:24I bought some gammon.
35:25He said gammon GM3, right?
35:28And I thought, fuck off, you know?
35:30There's a G at the beginning.
35:31There's two M's in the middle.
35:32Tony, it's a fucking gag.
35:34It's not a gag.
35:34I'm just making conversation, Johnny.
35:36You know that?
35:37Fucking making conversation.
35:38You're trying your act out of...
35:39No, I did.
35:40Look, you know after the gammon,
35:41you know what I got, right?
35:42I parted some with alphabet soup.
35:43You didn't.
35:44No, I did.
35:45You live on baby food.
35:47No, I went out and I bought some gammon
35:49and some alphabet soup.
35:50Well, where is it then?
35:52It's downstairs.
35:52It said alphabet soup, GM3.
35:55I thought, I'm not paying for half a job.
35:57You know, took it back.
35:58Oh, Tony.
35:58Do you know what I mean?
35:59Tony took punters, mate.
36:01Just...
36:01Look, I just wanted to have a chat with you.
36:04It's not a chat, Tony.
36:05Listen to me!
36:07I bought some fucking gammon today, Johnny.
36:10It said gammon GM3.
36:13I thought, fuck off.
36:14There's a G at the beginning.
36:16There's two M's in the middle.
36:20After that,
36:21I bought some alphabet soup.
36:24It said,
36:24alphabet soup, GM3.
36:27I'll fuck off!
36:29I'm not paying for half a job.
36:30And I took it fucking back!
36:51What the fuck are you doing?
36:54I'm getting in the bath, Tony!
36:56Tony!
36:56Tony, get out!
36:57What, what do you mean?
36:59Get out the bath!
37:00I'm in the bath!
37:01I'm having a bath with you.
37:02It's what comics do.
37:04It's not what comics do.
37:05It's what comics do.
37:06They don't burn together, Tony.
37:09Of course it is.
37:10They always have baths together.
37:12Tony, I can feel your toes on me knackered.
37:14Oh, I'm not good enough for you, am I not, eh?
37:16I bet you had a bath with that fucking monkey, didn't you?
37:19Eh?
37:19That monkey!
37:20He's not real!
37:21I bet you had a bath with Bill Bailey, didn't you?
37:23Eh?
37:24Eh?
37:24Bet you washed your fucking hair, didn't you?
37:26That's my business!
37:28I used to...
37:29Get...
37:30Fucking get out!
37:31Pass us a salt, would you?
37:32I'm not stressing salt, Tony!
37:34Johnny, I love you, mate.
37:36You're me friend.
37:37You're me comedy part.
37:37Tony, this isn't loved!
37:39And it ain't fucking Spartacus!
37:42It's odd!
37:43Are you calling me odd?
37:44Because I'm not odd.
37:45It's just, you know, friends.
37:47Just natural, you know, bubbles.
37:48Hey, it's nice, isn't it?
37:50Eh?
37:50Now stay there!
37:57I've passed around the fringe community
37:59that Johnny's got AIDS this year.
38:01AIDS?
38:02Question mark.
38:03Vegas is your man.
38:04You might ask me why I've done it.
38:07Johnny Cockniff, I've put there.
38:09It's all too easy for him to fall off stage
38:11covered in sick and go home with some fucking tartan
38:13a bag of chips.
38:14Full-blown shitty pants on it.
38:17It's a comfort to him.
38:19And I need to remove
38:21every element of comfort in his life.
38:24Johnny Vegas has AIDS
38:25and you will die if you're gonna need it.
38:27So, I'll go with that.
38:36There's something else to show you
38:38that we think you might like
38:39for the show.
38:41Right.
38:41We're a team, right?
38:42Yeah.
38:44We were a team
38:46and our best team player
38:48were the case
38:49were the team
38:50to put this on.
38:51Look!
38:54A Neapolitan jumpsuit, Johnny.
38:56Just the job.
38:57Just the job.
38:59Cheeky cheap.
39:00Have you took a knock
39:01to the fucking head?
39:02You told me to wear this, didn't you?
39:03I'm asking you, dear.
39:04Kai's got a question.
39:05You told me to wear this, didn't you, Kai?
39:06Kai's got a question for Johnny.
39:08Kai wants to know
39:09yes or no
39:11is Johnny going to wear
39:12that suit for us?
39:13You are, aren't you, Johnny?
39:17Yes or no?
39:18I think you made a...
39:18I said, what are you gonna wear?
39:21The fucking suit.
39:23Don't we agree?
39:23Do what fucking wear!
39:31Say hello to Johnny Vegas,
39:33ladies and gentlemen.
39:34Who's ready for ice cream?
39:36Say hello to everybody, Johnny.
39:38Hello.
39:40Remember the name,
39:41Angela Wilson?
39:42Hey, catchphrase, Johnny.
39:44Come on, Johnny.
39:46Who's ready for ice cream?
39:48That's it.
39:49Happy birthday to you.
39:53Last one.
39:54Thank you very much.
39:55You can't just shun them.
39:56Good morning, everybody.
39:57Good afternoon.
39:58Whatever it says.
39:59Johnny's going to do
39:59a little dance for you
40:00later, Angela.
40:01Now he's agreed to do
40:02a lovely little dance.
40:03Have we go.
40:04Come on, come on.
40:04To the Scottish music for us.
40:05Come on, come on.
40:06You go, dance.
40:08Come on.
40:09That's it.
40:10Come on.
40:11Yay.
40:12Come on, Johnny.
40:13Dance.
40:14I'm dancing.
40:15Right, we'll dance a bit quicker.
40:16Let's clock him and help him dance,
40:18ladies and gentlemen.
40:19Come on.
40:19Come on.
40:19We're going to go on.
40:20We're going to go on.
40:21We're going to go on.
40:21We're going to go on.
40:22We're going to go on.
40:22We're going to go on.
40:23Who's ready for ice cream?
40:25Who's ready for ice cream?
40:27I'm still cutting edge.
40:29I can't get that for the way now.
40:32Angela Wilson, remember the name,
40:33Sweet Tart, traditional ice cream.
40:34And that's Johnny Vegas,
40:35by the way, down there.
40:37What are you doing?
40:42Do it properly or we're not doing it at all.
40:48And get up and smile.
40:52Just so you can be here for the ice cream.
40:55Give it to the ice cream.
41:02Awesome.
41:08So I'm coming tonight, then.
41:09No.
41:10I'll come with a fist.
41:10Never.
41:12No, I'll come tonight.
41:13That'd be good.
41:14That'd be funny.
41:17It'd be funny, that.
41:18Do you know, like, if I'm in the audience and you just suddenly go,
41:22here's Tony and he's got this musical fist,
41:25then we'll just do a bit of that.
41:32It'd be really funny, that.
41:34It'd be funny, wouldn't it? It'd be funny.
41:36You can do it in your own gig.
41:38No, no. My show's perfect.
41:40You know that. I want to come to yours. I want to make yours better.
41:45Come on, Johnny. Let's come down.
41:46Nine o'clock. I'll be there.
41:49You'll be sat in the seat.
41:50And you'll get me out, won't you?
41:51You'll get me out of the audience and I can use my thing.
41:53Can I use my thing?
41:55I don't want to use my thing.
41:56Why don't you use my thing?
41:58I'd use it in my show, but my show's about shoes and that's a fist.
42:03. . .
42:03, . .
42:30It's funny that, isn't it?
42:35It's fucking weird.
42:58Do you remember me when I had something to offer?
43:15Who's ready for ice cream?
43:18Who's ready for ice cream?
43:19Thank you very much indeed.
43:21And now, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Johnny Vega.
43:46Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
43:50I'm Johnny Vegas and I have no sexually transmitted diseases.
43:58And that's the way comedy's going.
44:04As an ex-Butlings redcoat, I could have come out here once, started with a song, a one medley.
44:11Now, I've got to come out and give a fucking health warning.
44:17Ladies and gentlemen, I've done things that has alienated me from audiences, I know.
44:24But I swear to you, hand on heart, I didn't know the monkey stuff was going to be adverts.
44:35I read the contract, pissed.
44:38I thought I was releasing a real one to the wild.
44:43Who was more shocked than me when he turned round and started talking to me?
44:47A talking fucking monkey?
44:50What would you do?
44:52Would you say anything?
44:53No.
44:54You just sit there thinking, I'm gifted.
44:57I knew animals could talk to me.
45:01I saw the hand up his arse, but that's showbiz.
45:04You don't let on.
45:06That's just his way of getting through the day.
45:10Three days in, I tried to release him.
45:13I took him to the zoo.
45:15He wouldn't climb the fence.
45:17I thought we'd built a bond together.
45:21I threw him over and some orangutan started mauling him.
45:27I was confused.
45:29I made a mistake.
45:31I did an advert.
45:32I sold out.
45:34But I'm still me.
45:37And I can't tell you to make up for that.
45:40Coming back here with an ice cream sponsor.
45:45Makes me so proud.
45:55I came out on this first bit thinking I was funny as fuck.
46:02You were.
46:03And you've just turned it around completely.
46:07I want to thank you because you've taught me humility.
46:11And there was me thinking, I've got a couple of little good comedy jazz ideas I'll play around with.
46:17Now I'm thinking, half a bottle of gin.
46:20Come out and I'll just make models with my own poo.
46:26I knew that's what you'd come for.
46:29You try and hold off doing it, but it's third in the eyes.
46:32Come on, make morph, make morph with sweet corn eyes.
46:38Do you all work for a living?
46:40Yeah.
46:41No, you shake your head.
46:43I'm a student as well.
46:44You're a student as well.
46:45What do you study?
46:46Psychology.
46:47You've got five seconds, you bastard.
46:49Because I ain't paying for your couch.
46:52If you thought you'd come along here and turn me into some kind of project, you can.
46:57Come on, what's wrong with me?
46:59Why do I cry in the night?
47:02Why do I wear the bed but feel no shame?
47:07Why do you wave a watch in front of someone and convince them you can stop them from smoking?
47:13And get them to talk about things they don't want to.
47:17Do you put me under your little spell?
47:19All I talk about is films I've wanked over while I've been a guest at somebody's house.
47:25That's brilliant.
47:25Police Academy, the bonfire scene.
47:28She goes topless only for a second, but she does.
47:32And him, Tackleberry, gets dead confused on the saxophone.
47:38What gives you the right to tell other people they're sick?
47:44Talk to me, you bastard!
47:47We've got a room for the people here, paid for gags, and they've already sussed the gigs going wrong.
47:53But if you think I'm going to let you off, talk to me! Help me!
48:00If we could just take our tops off and hug.
48:05What do I mean?
48:07Let me kiss your nipple.
48:10If I couldn't kiss your nipple, I might understand you.
48:25It's inverted.
48:29That's it, love. Fucking laugh like a witch.
48:31Because we haven't had enough of that.
48:33Have a beer later.
48:34I don't like lager.
48:35Thank you for offering it.
48:37I'll just drink it.
48:38You'll just drink it?
48:39Yes.
48:39Like that's a threat?
48:43Come on, I'll arm wrestle you for that.
48:45I'll arm wrestle you!
48:48Come on!
48:54At Bottlings, we had blokes climbing on stage and pissing on people!
49:00That's what we need!
49:03Come on!
49:04Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in!
49:24Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! I love it when the room turns and
49:27somebody's going to lose an eye. Hang on, hang on. Come further in the middle. I've seen over the top.
49:33Don't take the piss.
49:35Are you ready? Three, two, one, go. Go on! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join
49:44in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join
49:48in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join
49:51in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join
49:52in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join
49:53in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join
49:53in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join
49:54in! Join in! Join in! Join in! Join
50:04Put that in your hand and pipe and smoke it.
50:07All of you now swap seats.
50:11All of you now.
50:12Come on.
50:16And don't do it for yourselves.
50:17Do it for the ice cream.
50:20That's it.
50:21That's it.
50:22Look at it.
50:23It's a fusion.
50:25It's different personalities.
50:27It could kick off.
50:28We're not arsed.
50:30You're talking amongst yourselves.
50:31It's gorgeous.
50:33I'm being ignored.
50:34I fucking love it.
50:37Oh, Johnny, now you've got them where you want them.
50:39Don't let them go, son.
50:40Don't let them go.
50:41Use the power of Davro.
50:43If it means an impression, do something.
50:47But all of you now, as a group,
50:49because I ain't lecturing you no more.
50:51I've come out there.
50:52I've burned myself.
50:54I've told you how painful things are.
50:55And I resent you.
50:56I don't deny you.
50:58Because you seem a very well-to-do audience.
51:02And I come out.
51:03And they're, yeah, you're all there going,
51:04I got my tickets for Johnny.
51:06Did you?
51:06Yeah.
51:07On net.
51:10There was blokes outside with hacksaws
51:13who didn't get tickets.
51:15And I could have been playing pirates with them now.
51:19With a Yankee screwdriver.
51:21And people in the room were going,
51:22that's it, that's it.
51:24Drilling his ear.
51:26But no, I've got you lot.
51:28The listeners.
51:30The absorbers.
51:32The consumers of noise that give nothing back.
51:36You're like sirens in reverse.
51:38All the ships get past safely.
51:41Sing, you fuckers.
51:42Sing.
51:43Hallelujah.
51:45Now that you've switched seats,
51:47bring them into the middle.
51:49Let's not have this sense of escape.
51:51Who can slide together?
51:53Yeah, sit in the middle,
51:54like top of the pops.
51:55Just you on your own.
51:58I love you, you teenage freak.
52:01You just don't do something.
52:03You're adopted, aren't you?
52:07You know what?
52:07You've really helped me out,
52:08but something still makes me want to run up
52:10and just kick you in the neck.
52:14Can I do it?
52:15Like, I'll make a deal with you.
52:18I'll try and miss your knackers
52:20and aim for your ass.
52:21But if I hit your knackers,
52:22I don't want to fucking let it off your mum.
52:26Or the woman whose doorstep you ended.
52:28Right, okay.
52:36I'm going to give you
52:37the best kick of the arse I can.
52:41Oh!
52:51Do you want to kick my arse?
52:55Do you want to kick my arse?
52:59Do you mind if I do it
53:01in the fetal position?
53:03Kick it!
53:05Oh, you fucking...
53:10Oh, no, it was a good one.
53:15Fucking hell.
53:18Oh, it's good.
53:20To feel that pain
53:21of life performing here.
53:24And we are ready
53:25for the song now, aren't we?
53:27Yeah!
53:32I bet we can all rise to our feet
53:35in one glorious movement.
53:40When George Mangle came along,
53:42I thought he was a gob shister.
53:45But he sang a song
53:47that spoke volumes to me.
53:51Well, I haven't seen your face around town for a while.
53:53I saw gritty Jews with an only smile.
53:55When I saw that girl upon your arm,
53:58I knew she'd run you hot with a fake gold jam.
54:00I said, hey, boy, what's with the frown?
54:02I said, hey, boy, let's hit the town.
54:04But in return, all you could say
54:06was, I, George, meet my fiancée.
54:09Take a look at it, take a look at it.
54:11Young guns having some fun.
54:12Crazy ladies, keep them on the run.
54:14Wise guys realise
54:16danger in emotional ties.
54:19Saying that I've been,
54:20no face, no taste,
54:21what I want to be.
54:22One, two, take a look at you.
54:24Get back, match up.
54:26Hey, tell these Jews to take your height.
54:28There's something about that boy.
54:29I don't like it.
54:30Oh, sugar, he don't mean a thing, he says.
54:32Get him out of my way,
54:33because I haven't seen him, mate.
54:34We got plans to make.
54:35We got things to buy.
54:36You're wishing time for some creepy guy.
54:38Hey, shut up, chick.
54:39That's a friend of mine.
54:40Just watch him out, babe.
54:41You're out of line.
54:42Whoa!
54:44Get back, hands off.
54:45Go for it.
54:46Get back, hands off.
54:52Dun, dun, dun, dun.
54:54Dun, dun, dun, dun.
54:56Let me take you to a place
54:58where memberships are smiling face.
55:01Brush shoulders with the stars.
55:04Where strangers take you by the hand
55:07and welcome you to Wonderland.
55:10Wonderland.
55:10Don't worry about it.
55:12We're so free.
55:15But it's not that there's been
55:17number in the world.
55:19All eyes are missing in the city.
55:23What's on one way?
55:25We're so free.
55:29I believe in the power of sing-along.
55:35I believe that no man is greater than his audience.
55:41And I believe
55:43with you
55:45and us
55:46and that man over there
55:49traditional ice cream
55:51will make a comeback.
55:53I've been Johnny Vegas.
55:55Keep it real.
55:57Keep it worth it.
55:59Keep it live.
56:00Good night, God bless.
56:02Catch me.
56:06Take me home.
56:12Take me home.
56:19Who's ready for ice cream?
56:23Thank you very much.
56:24Good night, God bless.
56:26Ice cream.
56:28Ice cream.
56:29Ice cream.
56:31Who's touching me cock?
56:35I'm happy.
56:36I'm chuffed.
56:36You know, for years and years and years
56:38I've just gone round on an ice cream van.
56:40But since meeting you
56:41and hooking up with Johnny
56:42it's just...
56:43Do you feel like you were wasting your time?
56:44I did.
56:45I did, but not anymore now.
56:46How do you feel now?
56:47Oh, over the moon.
56:48Fantastic.
56:49That shit's gone in, has it?
56:50Oh, yes.
56:51Oh, yeah.
56:51Don't worry about that, Mr. Kai.
56:53Fantastic.
56:53Thanks for everything.
56:54Don't touch me.
56:55Sorry.
56:56Don't ever fucking touch me.
56:58Right.
56:58It's finished now.
56:59I've liked being in the company.
57:01Don't touch me.
57:02Okay.
57:02Now fuck off.
57:03All right.
57:20What's the process?
57:23What's the process?
57:24Hey, Berlin!
57:26My name is Peter and his audience.
57:44Set me home!
58:11No touching me, Conny!
58:20Johnny!
58:21Johnny!
58:23Are you okay? Come on, mate. Come on, get up.
58:26Come on.
58:27Jesus, what are you doing here?
58:31Come on.
58:33I've been worried sick.
58:37Thanks, Lord.
58:38What?
58:40I think I'm ready for ice cream.
58:42Are you?
58:44Really?
58:47Come on, man.
58:49Come on.
58:54It's a big deal.
59:09Why are you really so bad?
59:11He's a big deal, too.
59:12He's a big deal.
59:12No, I'm really worried.
59:13The big deal.
59:14The big deal.
59:17The big deal.