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00:12Live from the Las Vegas Adult Paintball Pavilion and Event Space, it's the 50th Annual Golden
00:18Gavel Lawyer Awards, brought to you by Jingle Supermarkets.
00:22Jingles, that's what the grocery stores here are called.
00:25The stars are truly out.
00:27Oh, in from bustling Carson City, there's Nevada's coolest lawyers.
00:32Bring us in bench.
00:33It's an honor just to be a knee breed.
00:35Haha, stay in school.
00:37And here's up-and-comers, Lincoln Gum and Sheila Flambe.
00:40They've made a big mark this year despite having stupid, food-sounding names.
00:44Sheila, who are you wearing?
00:46Oh, Margo, I don't kiss and tell.
00:49Oh, you mean my dress.
00:50It's by Jingle's Dresshole.
00:52Oh, of course it is.
00:53Now, Lincoln, it's the first Gigi since your mother, Marsha Gum, was tragically obliterated.
00:58How are you feeling?
01:00Like an ant at a picnic.
01:03Speaking of your mom, are you excited that tonight Steve Nichols is going to finally give
01:09her the tribute she deserves after the disastrous funeral?
01:11Oh, I wouldn't call it-
01:13We have a clip.
01:15My mom was, she was special at-
01:20Terrible job, son.
01:22You're humiliating me in front of the devil.
01:26No, we'll never marry.
01:29Yeesh.
01:30I've come a long way since then, Marsha.
01:32I mean, Margo.
01:33Anyway, that's old news.
01:35We're up for firm of the year and best commercial, baby.
01:38It's our night.
01:39Sheela the Human Highlight Reel flambé and, I want to say, Clinton Jellybee?
01:45Yep, Sheila's right.
01:46Also, I promise, she knows my name.
01:48Hey, watch this.
01:49Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh.
01:51Love it.
01:52Wow.
01:53Sheila!
01:54Sheila!
01:55Sheila!
01:55Sheila-nomics!
01:57Shiro dreams of Sheila!
01:59Yo quiero Sheila-bel!
02:01For those just joining us, the Human Highlight Reel is pulling tons of focus by reappropriating
02:06out-of-date catchphrases and doing a dance that can only be called the sheila beef it's what's
02:11for sheila yes yes everyone loves gum and flambe's better half but let's not forget tonight's about
02:17my late partner marcia gum and by extension me it's been a break in at the sheila gate hotel
02:22just wait to my ultra respectful five-star three-ring multimedia tribute to the late marsha
02:28it's sheila are you okay did you break my pussy of course not what a stupid question it's gonna
02:39it's my relax sound because of how normal my pussy is gonna be somber as hell well there you have
02:47it
02:47folks another magical vegas
03:33man i thought tonight was about me being out of my mom's shadow but it's like i'm still under her
03:39as
03:39she towers over me and all i can do is look right up between her giant legs lincoln i think
03:45it's time
03:45to look at the memento tattoo i gave you while you were sleeping again
03:50and tonight is about us so just relax get drunk have fun and don't worry you're right now admit
03:59you broke your pussy no nothing bad has ever happened to me hurt pussy hey now that's what i call
04:06uh
04:07i i got nothing glen you look great someone slept inside last night
04:12okay i'm gonna work the room maybe land us a big new client glen you know everyone what do i
04:18need to
04:18know oh well that's steve nichols i believe he's a lawyer of some kind yeah i know him glen who
04:26else
04:26all right let's see that's billy grimple he owns la bouche the mouth themed casino that's showbiz
04:32entertainment cheese he runs a hedge fund and oh that's anita chingles she was your mom's biggest
04:38client and who's that guy i think his name is steve nichols no that guy i need to leave i
04:46i broke my
04:47pussy what glen if that were true he wouldn't be able to walk like that i assume well maybe irene
04:53and
04:53her new boyfriend will be normal irene has a boyfriend what is he like a biker or a gangster rebel
04:59with or
05:00without a cause hey sheila this is gordo cipollini hey and of course the famous patrick i am humbled to
05:09meet you monsieur gum madam flambe oh my god hi gordo hi patrick who wants to see me twirl
05:18the show is starting everyone be quiet i was roaring the law late one night when my eyes beheld a
05:30lawyer's side for the gavel from the charge began to rise and suddenly we testified we did the mash
05:39we love your lawyer's match we did the mash such it was incomprehensible beauty we lord
05:54hello i'm mayor george waltz welcome everyone to the 50th annual golden gavels brought to you by
06:00tingles and reruns of the lawyer show bull if you haven't yet feel free to ride the mechanical bull from
06:08bull this is of course my adopted brother our beloved lunch meat i'm full of beans wow this
06:17can't trade right off the bat what a crowd we have tonight but everyone might as well go home because
06:24right in his usual seat i see five-time winner attorney merle streep from his firm street law let
06:31someone else win for a change merle truly all the greats are here tonight also sheila flambe
06:41saying that sheila isn't one of the greats sheila didn't even know she was nominated
06:47she just heard they're giving out a prize for the most hung jury
06:52because of my unharmed privates t-m-i is that lincoln gum i see with sheila
07:03seriously lincoln your mother's death was the hugest deal in the world let's have a moment of silence for
07:10the most important person in the room right now marcia gum's spirit
07:21but i'm still full of babes
07:25we've got a really really great show for you tonight the 50th annual ggs will be right back
07:32show will resume in five minutes
07:36it's our night and i'm coming for you steve jesus christ after all this time
07:49wow hello there my name is uh robert e don't say lee don't tell him your name is robert e
07:58lee
07:58robert e zombie industrialist what are we gabbing about here at this fine table here well we were
08:06talking about gum and flambe oh lincoln gum he is a fine litigant he's got me out of many a
08:14fine
08:14pickled pepper i employ slave labor you see white slave reminds you nothing untoward and lincoln gum
08:22has kept me out of the fire profiting off my white slaves for years and years you're doing a great
08:30job hiding and drumming up business for lincoln i love you glenn i love you too oh i mean i
08:40love you
08:41too the band yeah that'll cover anyway about my white child slaves good evening any of you fine people
08:50seen a man by the name of glenn blorchman he's about five ten looks like one of them creatures the
08:56bible
08:56warns of no sir and i'd be able to i'm very tall
09:04you're welcome glenn glenn how dare you i challenge you to a duel no stop i can't and marcia just
09:15looked
09:16up at me and said thank you you know stephen i was trying to buy a gumball the other day
09:23and it
09:24occurred to me that a nickel can't buy a piece of gum because gum is worth more than nickels
09:32well lincoln is on the penny which last i check is worthless next to a nickel and nickels is plural
09:40uh yes well jefferson is on the nickel and he invented the lazy susan and in court you're lazy at
09:50suwin where is everybody going you think this is an award show this is an arena where we battle it
09:58out to see who's remembered as marcia's successor and i'm about to memorialize her so hard that people
10:03are gonna think you were just marcia's butler i only did that for 12 halloweens my god the show
10:10is starting any second everyone get back to your seats damn it this is so bad and now the nominees
10:16for best commercial sheila flambe and irene gum for lalbert rising stay for one drink we should talk
10:28you were my mom's best client friend to marsha they were the same thing mike milk for the milk
10:36is fresh i've heard what people are saying mike milk is just tall and mike milk uses being tall to
10:44cover
10:44for not going to law school well to the haters i say check this out i'm sunglasses now
10:56your mommy would be so proud she used to always brag about how she was turning you into a little
11:01clone of her yeah i'm kind of trying to do my own thing step out of her shadow stop accidentally
11:07sexualizing her etc oh sweetie why would you ever do that kyle and skyle munt we almost do it all
11:16i'm kyle munt and i'm skyle munt and do you know what makes us vegas's number one twin lawyer team
11:22what sweet brother we do it all slip and fall accidents medical malpractice laser injuries
11:29nursing home abuse the only thing we don't do is have sex with each other we've never even thought
11:35about it we're focused on you kyle and skyle took my eviction case without once having sex or even
11:41fooling around we lost but there was no funny business even if we wanted to our bunk bed would
11:47make it too difficult i've heard about steve's five-star three-ring multimedia tribute to marsha
11:54did you know he has a hologram steve has a hologram of my mom so let me tell you what
11:59i'm gonna do
12:00my company is sponsoring this show chingle supermarkets that's what grocery stores are called
12:05here yes i'm gonna pull some strings you'll deliver a beautiful heartfelt speech make up for that fiasco of
12:12eulogy and maybe chingles leaves steve nichols and associates for an ambitious young firm sure a
12:18heartfelt non-disastrous memorial to my mom easy and the winner for best advertisement is irene gum and
12:28sheila flambe for lawbird rising oh man i i dedicate this award to my boyfriend gordo featuring patrick
12:40well i'm no good at speeches it's not like sheila sheila sheila sheila sheila sheila sheila
12:57awesome new noise from sheila sheila is amazing do the sheila yeah do the sheila
13:08the 50th annual gg's will be right back
13:15so crazy weather lately we won did you see my speech why i sure did you were wonderful sweetheart
13:25and what about you dude did you see your firm win an award or were you too busy
13:29writing your manifesto I didn't huh sorry speech for mom not writing on it
13:35Jingle's got to go bathroom fresh in yellow address saw yours I have a waiter
13:42named General Stonewall flowers Stonewall flowers forget us a general huh
13:49Glem what's going on why are you doing pistachio disguises style capers during
13:54an award show well once upon a time a happy young farmer lived with his wife
14:01Sarah and one day the farmer noticed some onions were missing he chalked it up to
14:07varmints varmints I hate those but the next day some potatoes went missing now
14:14the farmer decided to keep watch but he fell asleep when he woke he found Sarah
14:21asleep in the hay with a handsome bandit a pot of stew between them made with his
14:29vegetables his vegetables hmm the farmer wanted blood but Sarah convinced them to
14:36settle it in court on the stand Sarah revealed the bandit was her first
14:41husband who she thought had died in a rock slide the men read each other's
14:45throats so the judge issued an old-fashioned sentence a duel on the field
14:52of honor
14:53that was legal when was this 1996 now it would start as soon as one party slapped the
15:01other one with a glove but the bandit fled never to be seen again and with time my
15:09anger subsided oh it's you in the story yes he must have seen me in the nominee
15:16announcement he came here to kill me why not just go home so he can't slap you
15:20are you very stupid oh that's so stupid Sheila Sheila you are the breakout star of the
15:29night and we want to incorporate you into the big physically demanding song and
15:33dance number do you want to do it or is there some reason you can't what's a
15:42good mom story I could tell summer camp I don't think so you'll be spending the
15:49summer with mother at the Ariana Huffington empowerment retreat for the
15:54unapologetically annoying good news Lincoln he put up a fight but I got the
16:00dean of your college to let me be your RA Lincoln guess what the doctor gave me
16:05pills it'll make sure you never get pubes what mom only implied that she
16:10didn't want me to have pubes
16:14what's up ass face guess who dropped six figures at
16:17chingles hologram supply to make your mom say anything I want this Godzilla dick
16:23hump master you think a little speech is gonna do anything tonight is mine
16:29Steve this is weird even for you you have a wife and kids and stuff and I think
16:35I'm realizing that you can't really make that thing say anything worse than what
16:39I'm already dealing with oh yeah what about this Lincoln I just want you to know
16:44I'm proud of you no matter what wait that's it I'll just lie thanks Steve oh
16:52uh what a nerd right fingers and bench uh yeah whatever man good luck with the hologram or
17:01whatever you embarrassed me everyone guess who didn't wash their head welcome back to the gg
17:10awards now for a special treat we've got a musical tribute to you're not gonna believe this lawyers
17:27and the award for best surprise witness for the best supporting bartender and the award for best
17:33objection goes to
17:37that's on the gorilla mr. ravioli
17:42kyle and skyle mark and then mom said Lincoln of course I'll give you a hug I'm not embarrassed to
17:51do that in front of the mailman no that's too outlandish so where do you think she was been
17:56this whole time there she is and now it is finally time for the in memoriam reel followed of course
18:09by
18:10Steve Nichols five-star three-ring salute to Marsha gum and I'm told we're also gonna get a speech from
18:16Marsha's Butler Clinton jelly bean
18:30all right it's funny it's sweet it's sad it's complete horse shit this'll work
18:36Jesus this is horrific yeah a lot of people seem to die around us
18:43are you okay you look a bit off I'm great I have a speech that's a real tribute to my
18:48mom
18:49good then you can work for me and stop associating with these disgusting clients and inane colleagues
18:54like your mom always wanted my colleagues aren't inane
19:00plus I thought you said mom would be proud of what I'm doing what you're doing winning
19:05she'd be ashamed of who you're doing it with uh thank you mother's still ashamed of me the devil
19:13still won't marry her Lincoln it is your friend Sheila your pussy is broken what please do not yell
19:22about pussy during the in memoriam Lincoln everyone in this life has a broken pussy some people's broken
19:30pussy is their fear of failure for some it's addiction some people's broken pussy is even a
19:36literal broken pussy not me though your broken pussy is your mom we had a great year we won an
19:42award
19:42Irene is dating a puppet boy and you haven't been able to enjoy any of it because you're too busy
19:48trying to hide your broken shattered swollen pussy which again only you are doing and not me
19:55wow a lot of people died this year and now to say a few words about his mom Lincoln gum
20:07my pussy hurts wait I mean everything I am today I owe to my mom Marsha gum
20:17and I'm a wreck my whole life I've been trying to make the case that she was a good mom
20:27she wasn't but she was the best lawyer this town's ever seen she even made Steve Nichols evil ass
20:34successful but she didn't take care of me you know who does my weird niece Irene who's as strong
20:41as an oxen smart as two pigs my associate Glem Blorchman over there dressed like a British policeman
20:48he's been hiding all night wearing costumes I assume because he didn't want to embarrass me in front of
20:54you my mom's peers but he doesn't embarrass me he rules and most of all my intern Kevin who I
21:02forgot to
21:02invite to this but also Sheila dr. Duncan Stein flambe in conclusion I'm done putting my
21:11mom on a pedestal but all of you should she'd sacrifice anything for the legal profession
21:18I'm the proof so shove your GGs up your ass we're leaving
21:26I hate my mom and my kids I sent my son to a boarding school because I couldn't remember his
21:34name and I
21:34didn't want to ask we have not had sex with each other and I have to confess I'm in love
21:41with you
21:42Irene gum this cat Gordo doesn't appreciate you leave him and be with me oh yeah here's Steve Nichols
21:59and his stupid hologram or whatever sometimes the law can get you down can make you weep can make
22:08you frown but where to turn in dark of night to help you with your legal plight
22:22come on guys let's get some frosty chocolate milkshakes all right now that that's over the award for firm
22:31of the year goes to goman flambe go ahead I don't need it anymore congratulations Sheila and now enjoy your
22:45ceremonial victory lap on the mechanical bull
22:56you know Lincoln you taught me something you can run your whole life but
23:02well well well if it ain't Glenn Blorchman or should I say Glenn Blakeman
23:10wow you did a bad job changing your name in two different ways Glenn Blakeman was the fake one
23:16enough I know you're carrying Glenn let's do is cold clams Glenn you don't have to I do I read
23:26like
23:27your uncle said some wrongs gotta be righted
23:42you win glam tell my son to use offer code dad 50 for a bonus bet on
23:54doghouse sportsbook dot com you stupid son of a bitch I wasn't scared of dueling because of you
24:03I just didn't want to have to wake back up the killer in me
24:22honestly whatever at this point
24:30he's dead good night sweet Patrick all right Gordo we're through
24:36holy shit glim you killed the bandit
24:39I was the bandit
24:46up next the television event you've been waiting for
24:49after 10 epic years of crushing lawsuits rocking designer suits and peeping ladies in birthday suits
24:55the lawyer princes of Carson City Pringison bench are riding off into the sunset but not before one
25:01last wild romp don't go anywhere losers it's the series finale of Pringison bench
25:08teardrops burn the cheeks for she thought she'd heard the shadow had left this land
25:19the old man's back again the old man's back again the old man's back again
25:30the crowds just gathered their faces turned away chirp
25:48the birds of the king
25:48the wild her
25:48the bad
25:48the
25:49the
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