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00:00Previously on Suddenly Amish.
00:02People are leaving the Amish community.
00:08I will be inviting English people into our community
00:11in hopes of repopulating the church.
00:14I've always been interested in the Amish community.
00:17The Amish way of doing things just makes more sense to me.
00:21You'll need to integrate into the Amish community.
00:26It will be your jobs to disciple them, to prepare them.
00:31I do not have a good standing in my community right now.
00:33I am shunned.
00:35By helping me, I'm offering James a chance at redemption.
00:38I don't expect these English to last more than a couple of days.
00:42It is our responsibility to teach them what's right and what's wrong.
00:47I am escorting you off the property.
00:49He's chasing me with an axe.
00:51If I'm not strict enough, I might be the one paying the price.
00:54You're an English guy trying to drag off her Amish ladies.
00:58BJ says Kendra and Matt went off to a motel.
01:01I need to go find them.
01:03James is very unhinged.
01:05This community is not for me. I'm not here.
01:07I'm going home. I'm leaving.
01:09We're like dropping like flies here.
01:12My name is Judah.
01:13Yeah.
01:14And I am bi.
01:15I'm scared.
01:17I don't think that the Amish accepts anybody in the LGBT community.
01:21I'm going to just keep my little secrets to myself.
01:23My hearing aids are controlled by this.
01:26I'm going to have to take your phone now.
01:27If he takes my hearing aids away, that messes with my head.
01:31Welcome to the Amish.
01:32The hardest part for me is the heat.
01:36I feel like I'm dying.
01:37I studied, got my masters.
01:39It's like now holding a broom to sweep floors with such a step down.
01:47Reckoning day is tomorrow.
01:50Tomorrow is a big day.
01:51At that time, the church will decide whether they can continue pursuing membership in the Amish church.
01:58I'm really concerned with the Amish dance against the LGBTQ community.
02:05I don't know if I'm ready yet to tell Allen and James that I'm bi, but I feel like I
02:10either talk to them about my sexuality now or it will never happen.
02:14My thing is this.
02:40Can I hear in the headphones what that sounded like?
02:47Okay.
02:53Don't know if I'm wrong, don't know if I'm right.
02:56Following the signs, chasing peace of mind.
02:59Running from the time, running from my mind.
03:01I've been trying to find, I've been trying to find me.
03:07Okay, keep that and then let me do it again.
03:10The song is going to be called, the song is going to be called Trying to Find Me.
03:15What's the inspiration for this?
03:16Just trying to find myself through everything that's going on in the way.
03:23I feel drained.
03:28I don't feel like my potential is being used.
03:33Like, who am I?
03:34What is this world?
03:36Who am I in it?
03:39My sexuality shouldn't label me.
03:42Why do I have to put up a front or be somebody different?
03:48My biggest fear is if the Amish will accept me for who I really am.
03:58It'd be crazy.
04:00I know God got my back.
04:11So, if I were gay, then I would not be able to be a part of the community.
04:16Is that what you're saying?
04:26My thing is this.
04:35I'm bisexual.
04:40I mean, honestly, with me and my journey, I've been through so much of my life,
04:45where I've hidden myself from my mom, from my family,
04:49but I've been safe enough to be here and be myself around these people.
04:53I'm not going to do that.
04:57Him dropping this bomb, especially right before Reckoning Day,
05:01is very brave of him, I think.
05:03So, if the Amish community cannot accept me because of me being bi,
05:09then this is just not a community that I'm going to be a part of respectfully.
05:12With Judah coming out and saying that he's bisexual, it was shocking.
05:20Right now, I'm kind of torn because in the Old Testament,
05:24God clearly stated one man and one woman in marriage.
05:29The Bible says it's a sin for a man to lay with a man.
05:35It's definitely an area of concern.
05:38When Judah said that he was bisexual in the dinner table,
05:42Ty was worried a little bit because he's going to have to go in front of the fish.
05:48I don't know.
05:49I came to this talk really ready to join the community,
05:53but now I'm just like, do I really want to keep hiding who I am?
05:58Come, I'm sorry.
06:11I don't know.
06:13I don't know.
06:15I think I'm the other family.
06:15I'm the other family.
06:16I can't remember.
06:16I don't know, but I'm the other family.
06:16I know.
06:17I know.
06:26We are.
06:26There's family.
06:26You're an inner вход.
06:28Today is reckoning day.
06:32This is something that I've always wanted so badly.
06:38And the more I think about it, the more I really don't know.
06:46I can't think about just me.
06:48It's also my family, and it's a lot.
07:04Today is reckoning day.
07:06James and I will be going in front of the bishop
07:09and making a case as to why we think the English
07:14that are still with us would or would not be a good fit
07:18for our community.
07:22Sarah and I, we did pray about this.
07:25And I really don't know what I'm going to say
07:28about each one.
07:30I would be lying if I said I wasn't tossing the turn
07:33in the entire night.
07:34Just thinking about, okay, do I want, do I not want?
07:37What's he going to say?
07:38How would this go?
07:41This day is the day that everything changes for me.
07:44I'm just so sad because I've created all these bonds
07:47with everybody.
07:48And to see this about to come to an end,
07:51my heart's kind of broken,
07:52and we're all going to have to make a decision.
07:54Do we want to be a part of an Amish community
07:56or do we want to go back to how we were before?
08:04Even if the congregation agrees to let us stay,
08:07we still have to make that decision for ourselves.
08:11So it's not the decision that the Amish
08:13are going to make about me.
08:15It's really the decision I have to make about them.
08:26In order to become Amish members,
08:29it would be a two- to three-year time span.
08:34And in that time, you would be expected to be a part
08:39of the community projects that go on.
08:42You would be expected to understand and experience
08:46the Dutch dialect.
08:49And at the end of this process,
08:53there would be a six-month time of discipleship
08:58where you would examine the foundational principles
09:02of what the Amish believe about the Bible.
09:05And then if you agree to that,
09:08you would be expected to have an adult baptism
09:11and pronounce you a member of the church.
09:19The bishop brought together a select group of members
09:23to help us make decisions about these English people.
09:26I worry these English aren't ready
09:29to continue their journey here in the Amish community.
09:32If we don't accomplish anything from this mission,
09:35there's less chance of me falling in the good graces
09:38of the bishop and becoming unshoned.
09:50It's stressful, it's overwhelming.
09:54There's rows and rows of people
09:55from all over the community.
09:59And depending on your decision,
10:01this could be the community that you're joining.
10:05I know that I am being watched.
10:12The uncertainty is a nightmare.
10:19We're gathered here
10:21for this special service
10:24for the future of our church.
10:29God has sent six non-Amish people in our midst
10:36who wish to join our community.
10:42Four remain.
10:46It's a decision for life.
10:52Everybody's petrified.
10:54This is it.
10:55The moment of truth.
11:15I know that she's been obsessed with the Amish for a long time,
11:20but I didn't really until the last few years
11:23realize that she would like to be Amish.
11:29We are very close.
11:30It's a little scary that I might not be able to see her,
11:33but I want her to be happy.
11:36If the Amish rejected her,
11:38I would feel terrible for her.
11:47It's a decision for life.
11:55At the end of this service,
11:57I will ask the congregation to nod their heads
12:00if they agree to allow these candidates to continue with us.
12:04You may remain silent if you dissent.
12:08Alan and James,
12:10you've been houseparents here.
12:12I would like to hear from you
12:14what you've observed
12:16and what your recommendations are.
12:18And we as a congregation
12:19will then make a decision.
12:23At this time,
12:24rise and share what you have to share.
12:31The air feels so thick right now.
12:34I'm anxious because I just came out to my Amish family.
12:38I don't know if Alan's going to have my back.
12:40I don't know what's going to go on.
12:46I'll start with Billy Joe.
12:49We've seen some growth in cooking,
12:53housekeeping, and so forth.
12:57Esmeralda,
12:58she had a hard time
13:00to give up the items that she loved.
13:04But she understands
13:06she can form.
13:09Aaron has been very cooperative.
13:12We've seen some community efforts
13:14helping out on the farm.
13:18So, yeah,
13:19I've been very impressed with Aaron.
13:22Judah,
13:23he was scared of animals,
13:24but he's been helping out on the farm,
13:27feeding the animals,
13:28and catching fish.
13:30Yeah, that was great.
13:35So,
13:35one question I would have for you is
13:38do you have any recommendations,
13:40things that you would like
13:42to see them work on?
13:52Judah has,
13:53is, uh,
14:04maybe something they,
14:05you wish they would change.
14:12Judah?
14:15To me,
14:16you're like a son.
14:19And, uh,
14:19I hope we can be a blessing
14:21to each other
14:22and to the people around us.
14:29For, for my part,
14:31I'd be ready to move forward
14:33and give these gentlemen
14:34and ladies an opportunity
14:35if they desire so.
14:44Good.
14:49When Judah's at,
14:51that he was bisexual
14:52in the dinner table,
14:53I wasn't too sure
14:54about what's gonna happen.
14:57But as a person,
14:59I don't think I'm gonna look at Judah
15:01any different way
15:02than I did before.
15:06Honestly, like,
15:07Alan almost brought me to tears
15:09because no matter what,
15:11you know,
15:11the Amish rules are,
15:12he accepts me.
15:13He loves me.
15:15He cares for me.
15:16And he knows my heart.
15:18Scripture states that
15:19one man and one woman
15:21in marriage.
15:22But being honest with myself,
15:24I saw more growth in Judah
15:27than probably any of the others.
15:30And kind of made my decision
15:32on his growth.
15:34It was really brave of Alan
15:36to accept Judah
15:38and look past the rules.
15:41But I have no idea
15:43how James is gonna react to this.
15:46Thank you, Alan.
15:48James, what would you have to say?
15:50I sense your opinion
15:52may be different.
15:56Well, I don't know.
16:00I don't know what's about
16:01to come out of his mouth.
16:02I mean, since day one,
16:03he chased somebody
16:04out the house with her ex.
16:05He's just a wild card.
16:07Who knows what James is gonna do?
16:10A lot of them have ties
16:12back into their worldly lives.
16:16Vijay likes her AC.
16:19Happy she came dressed Amish,
16:21but I don't think she can do
16:22without her modern conveniences.
16:25Esmeralda has one foot in,
16:27one foot out.
16:29A girly girl, sorry.
16:32Aaron has definitely
16:33integrated very well
16:34in a lot of ways,
16:36but he still struggles
16:38with the hearing aid thing.
16:39For James to stand up,
16:41give testimony to the community
16:43and give testimony
16:44to the bishop
16:46and say that
16:47even though he knows
16:49and he watched me,
16:50he mentored me,
16:53that really hurt.
16:56I feel like James
16:57hasn't really seen
16:59just like the changes I made
17:01to him.
17:02It's so like superficial
17:02that he doesn't think
17:04that it's growth.
17:05So it kind of feels like,
17:07okay, like,
17:08okay, cool.
17:08Like he's not proud of me,
17:09but I'm proud of myself.
17:16So we're down to Judah.
17:21Judah has probably
17:22questioned the most.
17:26What do you actually want?
17:28From what?
17:32Do you want
17:32the Amish life or not?
17:41I love it here
17:42and I'm having a great time.
17:44I met some amazing people
17:45and I'm super grateful for that.
17:50Kind of the main concern
17:51I had with Judah
17:52is certain ways
17:54he wants to be creative
17:55that the Amish
17:56don't believe
17:58in being creative in.
18:01Bishop, if I may,
18:04I just want to be able
18:05to share the Word of God.
18:06That's all I want to do.
18:14Judah, he's looking for more individuality.
18:18I would like to encourage us
18:20to accept Judah where he's at today.
18:25I would like to encourage Judah
18:27to continue growing.
18:28I think you would find some acceptance
18:33as you continue to grow.
18:35And I would just like to encourage
18:37the congregation
18:38on that point
18:40just to be more accepting,
18:42more loving,
18:44more gracious.
18:47I think James has been quite strict with them.
18:51Losing Matt, Kendra, and Emma
18:53is an example of this.
18:56But that is for a later discussion.
19:00Looks like the bishop and I
19:01need to have a conversation.
19:05I don't think he fully realizes
19:07how much effort I put into this.
19:09When we talk about the experience
19:11with Matt and Kendra,
19:12there's principles.
19:14The choices we make bring consequences.
19:19And James didn't care.
19:22I'm trying to be unshunged by my church.
19:26The bishop kind of has the final say-so.
19:28And if he has a bad impression of me,
19:30I'm not in a good position.
19:36At this time,
19:38could each of you in turn
19:39stand and say your piece?
19:42Aaron, if you would,
19:44would you come up here
19:45and just address the congregation
19:47and share your piece?
19:53I'm nervous.
19:55It's kind of in the hands
19:56of the bishop today,
19:57so it's pretty heavy.
20:01We have to explain
20:03why we've taken this journey on
20:05and what we want from that.
20:07So one thing that I love
20:09about the Amish
20:10is that they're simple people.
20:11They're beautiful
20:12in the way that they live
20:14their life of giving.
20:16But
20:17I have a disability
20:19with hearing.
20:20Okay.
20:20And in the community,
20:21that's extremely difficult.
20:24My phone is connected
20:27to my hearing aids.
20:28But then that was taken away.
20:30If I stay,
20:31that's a humongous life change.
20:35And I've been thinking
20:36on that a lot.
20:42Esmeralda.
20:44Esmeralda.
20:47Hello, everyone.
20:52I hate public speaking,
20:53so having to go up there
20:54in front of community,
20:55I feel like it's just
20:56so much more pressure.
20:57I was so scared
21:00to leave my comfortable life
21:01back home
21:01and come here
21:02and pursue this
21:03because I knew
21:04it was going to be
21:04so challenging.
21:05But I feel like I learned
21:07conforming is not always
21:08a bad thing.
21:10I learned so much
21:12about confidence
21:12and that it's okay
21:14to be yourself here
21:15and not need makeup
21:16and fancy clothes
21:17to feel good about yourself.
21:19And I'm hoping
21:20to continue to grow
21:21and give back
21:22to the community
21:23that has given
21:23so much to me.
21:26You may take your seat.
21:28There was a lot of pressure,
21:29a lot of emotions,
21:30and again,
21:31I'm not good at public speaking,
21:32so I feel like
21:33the eyes of everyone
21:34in the community
21:34just looking at me.
21:36Lee Jo?
21:38Yes.
21:42All right.
21:44Hello, everyone.
21:51My mouth is dry.
21:54My hands are clammy.
21:58I want to impress the bishop.
22:00I want to impress the church,
22:02but at the same time,
22:04I'm not sure that I'm cut out
22:06for the Amish life.
22:08It's completely overwhelming.
22:37all right.
22:41It's completely overwhelming, the enormity of this.
22:49This is like a job interview that I want so bad.
22:54So I am just saying what I think is the right thing and just speaking from my heart.
23:01I'm grateful for Sarah and Alan and James and everything that you have taught myself and all the others.
23:10That it's not just about how you dress or what you can or cannot do.
23:16It's about your morals.
23:20I've loved so much, I will never get these moments back.
23:26It's a lot harder than I thought that it would be.
23:33Judah, would you like to share?
23:40Good evening to the congregation.
23:47The emotion is literally bottling up.
23:50It's like that feeling when you have so much to say but it's all caught right here and you just
23:55really can't get it out.
23:57I'm sorry.
23:58What was I supposed to be sharing?
23:59I'm so sorry.
24:00Has there been enough positive to the experience that you would like to continue to learn from it?
24:06Or are you saying, no, I'm done?
24:10I'm going to just say this.
24:12I've met some beautiful, amazing people on this journey with me.
24:15And I've made community.
24:18I've literally faced fears here.
24:20I've pet animals.
24:21I've caught fish.
24:23I've been chased by chickens out here.
24:24I've done a lot out here.
24:26You know what I'm saying?
24:27And it wasn't for no reason.
24:30I would love to stay and learn more about this community and learn more about myself and God because I've
24:36learned a lot here.
24:38End of the day, I would like for y'all to accept me for who I am because I accept
24:42each and every last one of y'all in these pews.
24:46We can all be who we are and still serve Jesus in each and every way.
24:53Thank you, Bishop.
24:58Can you hear me?
25:01Can you hear me now?
25:05Can you hear me now?
25:09At this time, if the congregation, if we're of one mind and heart, could we give a nod of assent
25:17if we would allow these four applicants to continue finding their way here?
25:29The decision obviously makes me nervous.
25:33I think I know what I want to do, but it's important that I feel that I'm accepted and that
25:40others will be accepted.
25:42Are we agreed to move forward graciously, with mercy, with love, with compassion?
25:53I've given up so much of my life to be here, and I don't want it to be in vain.
25:58This is where our lives change.
25:59Are we prepared to allow these applicants to continue?
26:26I feel like there was a big sigh of relief after us.
26:33The congregation has spoken, but for the English, I would like to encourage you to take it very, very seriously.
26:41In the Amish world, this decision is a lifelong decision.
26:46Take the time you need to think it through.
26:49Think about it.
26:51Bishop Vernon asking us to take a moment to step back and really, you know, think about the decision that
26:57we're going to make is a smart move.
27:00Take a day, breathe, and see if it's something that we really decide to do.
27:05Now we all have a decision to make, and I just hope that everyone makes the right decision for themselves.
27:12I'm super grateful that the bishop and the community gave me the opportunity to join.
27:16So, making this decision is going to be really hard.
27:20Try it.
27:23Wow.
27:25Cheers.
27:26Cheers.
27:30The bishop is just sitting in the back, just watching everybody, and his energy is real tense.
27:35I could just see by, like, body language, there was something brewing.
27:40What we know is we didn't get kicked out, so cheers to that.
27:43So, if you're sincere, I told you that you could continue to sort through these things.
27:52But I did not come here to create drama.
27:56And I'll just be very, very frank.
27:59I am very, very upset with what happened with Kendra and Matt.
28:04I am very upset.
28:06I'll be honest with you, James.
28:08You need this experience as much as they do, because you literally have walked away from the faith in Jesus
28:16Christ.
28:18James was rebellious, and he was a disappointment to me, because in the Amish world, you're willing to say,
28:28okay, I made a mistake here.
28:29I think I should have done that differently.
28:32And that has not happened.
28:36I don't know what James was doing.
28:39That's not the Amish background I came from.
28:42I will not be a part of pounding on anybody and hurting people.
28:49I don't think the bishops should have gotten upset at me.
28:52I mean, I was just trying to keep law and order in this group.
28:56I mean, the fact is that Kendra and Matt went to a hotel, and they shouldn't have.
29:00But at the end of the day, he is in charge of making final decisions.
29:05And there's nothing I can really do.
29:10So if you were to ask whether I would recommend James B. Unshunned in his community, the answer is no.
29:32Hey.
29:34Welcome to my classroom.
29:35This is my special ed class, and I have students that come in every single day, and we have goals,
29:42we have objectives.
29:43I guess I can relate to them because, you know, I do have a disability with my hearing.
29:48As you can see, they're in there.
29:51So having my phone where I can adjust the volume is crucial, because how am I going to educate them
29:58if I can't hear them and get feedback or give feedback?
30:01Or just really be an advocate for these kids who might just need somebody to slow down with them.
30:23The bishop told us to take a little more time to make our final decisions.
30:28If I want to grow with the community, it's also like I need to look at my own life and,
30:33you know, the decision that I truly want to make.
30:36Yeah, they took my eyelashes off, my nails off.
30:40Like, the first night I was here, they obviously took away our phones, they took away all my makeup, all
30:45my, like, not modest clothes.
30:47But, yeah, it's all gone. It's all locked away.
30:52But, yeah, like, at church today, hearing everyone else kind of, like, made me also feel pressured to wanting to
30:57join the community.
31:00But the bishop also kind of gave us, like, the grace to really take our own time and make our
31:04own decisions.
31:05So, like, in the back of my head, I'm still like, do I really want this for the rest of
31:09my life?
31:23It just feels so bittersweet. Like, it feels just like yesterday. We walked in English, and some of us will
31:29be leaving out Amish, you know?
31:32Well, James, think you, it's very sad that we're all stuck together.
31:36What are they saying?
31:37Yeah, well, my candidate. Go get this well, anyhow.
31:41Ready for sale?
31:42Sure.
31:48Any time that Ellen and James speak in Dutch, something's about to go down.
31:54Now is the time where the English are going to make a decision whether they want to stay or leave.
32:05Oh.
32:06Oh, my gosh. I haven't seen that in so long.
32:08Oh, my goodness.
32:10The contraband chest.
32:13The pants already know. Shoes have to go.
32:17Yeah.
32:19I literally forgot about those.
32:24I want to hear one of you say, thou shalt not tempt us.
32:27Thou shalt not tempt us.
32:30Oh, God.
32:32This chest holds a lot of things that we love and we've had and we used.
32:38I'm a little nervous what people are going to do with this temptation because everything has been away from us.
32:44So, the time has arrived.
32:46Go ahead.
32:47It's like they're baiting us to see if, do you really want to be Amish?
32:53I'm a little on edge.
32:54Everyone here has become like my family.
32:58So, I really don't want to say goodbye to anyone.
33:09Who is staying Amish?
33:11Who is going back English?
33:14Come on up.
33:19Everybody's just looking around like, who's going to stand up?
33:32Walking up to that chest, once you see like a part of the old you, it's like you just get
33:37all those memories of, oh, like, I can just go back home and, you know, act like I'm, you know,
33:43back to the convenient life, back to English life.
33:45It's so easy to just pick up those stuff and go.
33:52Okay, let me get my stuff.
33:59Gotta, gotta go back home for a little, figure things out.
34:04So, I would like my stuff.
34:06I've made the decision and this Amish life is not meant for me.
34:15We came in together, I wanted us to stay together, but everybody got their own path and their own journey.
34:27It is bittersweet.
34:29I'm gonna miss the people here and the house despite the flies and no AC and no lights.
34:36I feel like if you're wanting to live a very simple, minimalistic life, then the Amish life could definitely be
34:42for you.
34:43But if you're not ready to give up the everyday conveniences of life, then I do not recommend.
35:02Aaron, it's your turn.
35:03Aaron.
35:21If I leave today, I'm leaving my family.
35:31I do need these.
35:35I cannot believe this.
35:39And I do need this.
35:41I understand.
35:44I think that as much as I wanted to be here, I have been really wrestling with a lot of
35:49stuff all day and realizing I can't keep my hearing aids.
35:52And that's huge.
35:53That's a deal breaker.
35:55I'm not surprised.
35:57I think that the phone and the hearing aids, you know, that's something that he feels he needs to have
36:05in order to live comfortably.
36:08So he has to do what's best for him on his journey.
36:15You got all your stuff.
36:18It's a disappointment to me that Aaron made the decision not to stay simply because the fact of his hearing
36:25aids.
36:27I wish there was a way that we could have made it easier on him.
36:30He had a chance to become a good fit for our community.
36:35Walking away from something that you have put so much energy into life and breath isn't easy.
36:45I love and want community.
36:47And that's one big reason I took this journey.
36:52But it doesn't have to be Amish.
36:59Okay.
37:01BJ it.
37:02I mean, I'm just going to take a look, you know.
37:05It's been so long, Alan.
37:07I almost forget what's in there.
37:11Yield not to temptation.
37:13What do I see?
37:24Phones are in there and things that we used every day.
37:30This is like Pandora's box.
37:38BJ's hesitating and I can't even believe that she's considering leaving right now.
37:41She's literally wanted to be Amish her whole life.
37:48So, what do you think?
37:50I am staying out of it.
37:53I am focused on this.
37:55Wow!
37:58I love you.
37:59I love you too.
38:02I have longed to be a part of the community.
38:06And this journey has showed me that it's absolutely the place for me.
38:10I love the people, the culture, the lifestyle.
38:14The verdict is in, I do want to be Amish.
38:18All right, Judah.
38:19Your turn.
38:20What is your decision?
38:22Are you staying or are you leaving?
38:26Come on up.
38:33When Judah walks up, I'm just bracing myself.
38:36Oh my gosh, Judah, don't do it.
38:39I'm scared to death that he's going to do what they did.
39:04I really don't know what he's going to do.
39:16I'm going to stay.
39:18Cut.
39:20That's a great decision.
39:21Thank you, sir.
39:26Being here, I didn't expect to gain any friendships.
39:29And the fact that I'm here as the last two of you really does mean a lot to me.
39:34Proud of you.
39:35Thank you, Sarah.
39:36I'm so proud of you.
39:37I love you.
39:38Thank you so much.
39:40You should be proud of yourself.
39:41I appreciate you for making this a safe space for me to be open and be myself.
39:49I appreciate you.
39:50I love you.
39:51And I'm excited to see, like, where this crazy journey takes us.
39:56It's not the same.
39:59With Judah and BJ planning to continue the journey in the Amish, I wish them well.
40:08In the end, I guess, Esmeralda and Aaron, it was just too much for them.
40:15This life is not for them.
40:19I'm sad to leave.
40:22Am I going to regret leaving?
40:26I don't know.
40:30I'm going to miss a slow-paced life here.
40:32I don't think I really had any regrets.
40:34I think I did everything to the best that I could.
40:36And I loved everyone to the best of my ability.
40:41Oh, my gosh.
40:44I love you.
40:52I miss you.
40:54Blessings.
40:59All right.
41:00We'll see you guys.
41:01See you.
41:02Love you all.
41:03Take travels.
41:04Bye.
41:12Bye, guys.
41:13Love you guys.
41:14Love you so much.
41:19Seeing Esmeralda and Aaron in their English clothes is kind of crazy.
41:24Saying goodbye.
41:25It's bittersweet.
41:29But right now, I'm happy.
41:33I am here for the long run, for the Amish life.
41:39I'm so grateful for this entire experience.
41:46Sorry.
41:50Everybody deserves a place where they can find joy.
41:54And if that's not here, we're going to bless you.
41:57If you can take something from this experience, I bless you for it.
42:01If it leads you to something different other than being Amish, I bless you for it.
42:09Has it changed the way they look at technology?
42:11Has it broken the cycle of just being glued to your phone?
42:16That would be my hope for these six applicants.
42:26I'm glad that I did this because it just showed me how much I take for granted back home.
42:31So I'm definitely putting that into my life and being more grateful.
42:35I'm excited to finally, you know, be more, like, immersed in my life.
42:51Even though it was a very challenging experience for me,
42:55it's completely shifting how I'm living my life now.
42:59All of this, I don't need it.
43:02I stopped accepting dance opportunities if the outfit was a little too revealing.
43:07And I started dancing for my church.
43:28Update on Matt and I, unfortunately, it just wasn't meant to be.
43:32So he's not my cowboy. I'm hoping and praying for another cowboy.
43:42Life is simple now. Screen time is down. TV time is down. The boys don't play as much video games
43:48anymore.
43:57My kids want to be Amish now. And I told them, Dad gave it a shot.
44:01And they said, we can't bring our phones, Dad. So don't bring your phone. I don't want to get in
44:05trouble.
44:13Walking away from something that you have put so much energy into isn't easy.
44:19But what I'm really glad is that I considered trying the Amish life.
44:27Because the lessons learned, the revelations and realizations, it was everything that I needed.
44:35Our mission was to help them find a better life. And I do feel like we did succeed.
44:42And I hope they have good memories of our time together and think positive of the Amish lifestyle.
45:12The Bishop didn't feel like I'm ready to be unshoned.
45:15But I'm glad for everything I've learned during this mission.
45:19What the English have taught me about acceptance.
45:22Some of the English left. Some stayed. But hopefully more come in the future.
45:27And I am willing to be here to help them.
45:41I'm currently in Atlanta seeing family, friends, letting them know that I decided to move forward and continue my journey
45:48with the Amish community.
45:49Even though everybody moved on, I still feel like we're all a family.
45:53Like Alan and Sarah are the parents.
45:55DJ is like an older sister. Aaron is a brother. Esme is a sister.
46:00James is like that annoying uncle at the cookyard that you really don't want to talk to, but you love
46:05him anyway.
46:18Judah and I both are pursuing our discipleship.
46:23We've talked about getting a house together.
46:26And meanwhile, I'm trying to learn Pennsylvania, Dutch, eBay, Snape.
46:33I think that means I don't know.
46:36We'll see. I'm learning.
46:39It's the way I'd rather be there.
46:55I think a lot of people covet the Amish lifestyle just because it seems so peaceful.
47:01And everybody wants peace in their life.
47:04Everybody is looking for something, and most of those people, they're looking for something.
47:09They're looking for a place where they can feel safe and where they can just have that peacefulness.
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