- 17 minutes ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:15This is a simply beautiful story that absolutely destroyed me the first time I watched it.
00:22For 35 years, Deirdre Croft and her intellectually disabled son Richard
00:27have had their journey documented on film,
00:31creating a record of a beautiful and loving relationship.
00:36Richard is now 45, and as Deirdre's health declines,
00:41she confronts a dilemma that many others face too.
00:44Who will look after our children when we're gone if they can't look after themselves?
00:50If we do a selfie, Richard...
00:54My son, Richard, is totally dependent on other people
01:02to help him engage with this world and to make sure he survives.
01:13Sometimes I actually feel that Richard is my therapist.
01:19He knows nothing about world politics.
01:23He has no ego.
01:25He doesn't judge me.
01:27It's quite liberating.
01:31It's hold my hand and let's play a song together.
01:35Happy birthday to you.
01:41Deirdre loves, loves and loved Richard from the minute he was born.
01:49She has given him her all.
01:52Yeah, everything.
01:54Richard?
01:57I think Deirdre is much frailer than she was.
02:00I want to thank you for all you've contributed in 45 years on planet Earth.
02:08I think she's been preparing for her death from day one with Richard.
02:14And so the pressure is now on Deirdre to work out
02:18who's going to look after Richard from this point on.
02:24My only concern is Richard's future.
02:29I feel like there's no time to be wasted.
02:49Deirdre, I've found these photos in my storage.
02:53Oh, gosh, gosh, gosh.
02:56So you must have prepared these for the first film, I think.
03:00Yeah.
03:03Pregnancy, hospital, post-birth.
03:06Mmm.
03:09Have we got any tissues?
03:21I met Deirdre in 1989
03:24and it was the beginning of a documentary journey
03:28that spanned nearly three decades
03:30as we made three films about her life with Richard.
03:33You're on it?
03:34Yeah.
03:35OK, Deirdre.
03:37What I'd like to talk about in this interview
03:40are the positive aspects of being Richard's mother,
03:43of being mother of a kid with special needs.
03:51Are you still going?
03:53Yeah.
03:56Um...
03:57The experience of Richard has given me an opportunity
04:02to appreciate the individuality of our children
04:08and their value in their own right,
04:12irrespective of whether you can puff out your chest
04:14and boast about winning a race or topping the class.
04:18That was so wise.
04:21And you still are.
04:23I thought Deirdre had a remarkable story to tell,
04:26but more importantly,
04:28I thought she would tell it with great candour and honesty.
04:32I thought she'd be brave enough to go on the journey,
04:35and that's proven to be correct.
04:36He doesn't like the bandage.
04:38He has to be...
04:41I finished school in 1970
04:45and I went to the University of Western Australia.
04:49I had a degree in psychology
04:52and I embarked on a career in journalism.
05:01I was going on 23
05:04when I married Charlie.
05:07They were both very different people.
05:09Charlie had been a Vietnam vet
05:12and had had a harder childhood than Deirdre.
05:16But, of course, family for both Charlie and Deirdre
05:19were important.
05:21In those days, you were married for two years,
05:24you got the house and then you got the baby.
05:26So their life was looking idyllic.
05:31My experience of being pregnant
05:34was one of the best times of my life.
05:39I was absolutely intrigued
05:41by what felt like a miracle of life
05:47developing in my body.
05:53Deirdre was wheeled off.
05:55I was left pacing up and down
05:57and some 15, 20 minutes later,
06:00they came out and said,
06:02the mother's fine, but the baby's not too good.
06:06They performed a caesarean operation
06:09and I was conscious
06:10and I could feel them pulling and yanking
06:13and trying to get him out of my body.
06:17He just had a faint heartbeat
06:21and he was unconscious for a week
06:25and he was having seizures for most of that time.
06:30There was birth injury, birth trauma.
06:34He'd had a brain injury of some kind.
06:38And then all of a sudden,
06:40he regained consciousness
06:44and I breastfed him the next day
06:49and it seemed like he'd had a miracle recovery.
07:01Richard and my daughter Rhianna
07:03were only six weeks apart
07:04and so in those early days,
07:06they seemed pretty much the same.
07:09You know, Richard was smiling
07:10when Deirdre went into him in the mornings
07:13and he was babbling a little bit
07:15as Rhianna was.
07:19I guess with child development,
07:22because it is an incremental process,
07:27it was only over time
07:29that it became apparent
07:32what the consequences
07:33of the brain damage were.
07:38Dog?
07:39Richard?
07:41Richard?
07:41Dog?
07:45Dog?
07:46It's not a problem.
07:50Dog.
07:52It seems like
07:54there are surprises all along the way
07:56and you just never know
07:57what he might be capable of doing.
08:02The dreams of what might be available
08:04if he does talk.
08:05I'd really love that.
08:07You know, I'd really love that.
08:11It'd be nice, wouldn't it, Richard?
08:13Hey?
08:15You could say some things to him.
08:19You imagine the story of your life
08:22and how it might plan out
08:24and what your dreams are
08:25and sometimes, maybe always,
08:28those stories change.
08:32Deirdre was thrown straight into motherhood
08:36and I think because of the stress
08:40that both she and Charlie were under,
08:42they didn't grieve for the baby
08:45that he never was.
08:50I first met Deirdre
08:52when Richard was about 10 years old
08:54and so she had a decade
08:56of stresses and strains.
08:59I felt she was running on empty.
09:03She wanted a film made
09:05about various issues
09:07to do with disability
09:08and with caring
09:09and that's where the project began.
09:18Don't!
09:20I said to Deirdre,
09:22this can work at its best
09:24if it's kind of warts and all
09:26and to her absolute credit,
09:28she has run with that
09:29without hesitation
09:31for nearly three decades.
09:34I suppose for about
09:37six or seven years,
09:39Richard had some incredible resistance
09:42to car travel.
09:44We're going to go to see our new house.
09:48No!
09:52No!
09:54No!
09:54No!
09:55Richard can't talk
09:57so all he can be
10:00in the relationship
10:01is basically
10:03what he feels.
10:08Stop it, Richard!
10:12Richard's aggression
10:13was often
10:14driven by
10:16his fear.
10:17So,
10:18it wasn't like
10:19it was malicious.
10:21It's not like
10:22I hold a grudge
10:24against him
10:25for hurting
10:27for hurting
10:27me so much.
10:29But
10:30it's hard for me
10:31to remember
10:32how I
10:33endured that.
10:38It was confronting
10:40seeing her
10:41dealing
10:41with
10:42many of those things.
10:45she said to me
10:45a number of times
10:46that she really hopes
10:48that people
10:48can see
10:49Richard's humanity
10:50first and foremost.
10:52That she really hopes
10:53people can see
10:53the person in front of them
10:54and not the problem.
10:56And for me
10:57that goes
10:58to the heart
10:58of the matter.
11:04Richard's father
11:05and I
11:06sped up
11:06just before
11:07Richard turned nine
11:08and we've come
11:10to an arrangement
11:11whereby he spends
11:12one week
11:12with his father
11:13and one week
11:14with me.
11:15The marriage
11:16didn't bust up
11:17because of Richard.
11:19Richard was just
11:20additional stresses
11:20and strains.
11:23At some point
11:24Deidre got together
11:25with Chris
11:26who is a musician
11:29a wonderful man.
11:31That's the way it is
11:34That's the way we are
11:36When we swim
11:38against the tide
11:40We don't get there
11:42at all
11:42Chris's clear love
11:44of Richard
11:45was really evident.
11:48And Richard's response
11:50to Chris
11:51and to his music
11:52was a delightful
11:53thing to see.
11:59Chris and I
12:01perhaps
12:01you could say
12:03we were soulmates.
12:04Comes the chance
12:06to be together
12:07Chris never had
12:08children himself
12:10but he
12:11seemed
12:13incredibly
12:14comfortable
12:15with Richard.
12:18He would just
12:20talk to him
12:20as if
12:21he would talk
12:22to a peer.
12:36about nine years
12:37later
12:37when Richard
12:38turned 20
12:39Charlie
12:40his father
12:41was his
12:41primary caregiver
12:42and that was
12:43the main impetus
12:44for making
12:45that second documentary.
12:52He wanted to push
12:53the boundaries
12:54for Richard
12:55in all sorts
12:56of ways.
12:58Things like
12:59taking him
12:59riding on the
13:00back of a
13:00motorbike
13:01is fairly
13:02hair-raising.
13:03A lot of people
13:03think that I'm
13:04silly for doing
13:05that.
13:06There's
13:06unnecessary
13:07risk.
13:09But that's
13:10fine.
13:10We do our
13:12things.
13:12We have
13:13good time.
13:18I just
13:19love him
13:19passionately,
13:21dearly.
13:21That's
13:22basically what
13:23I'm living my
13:23life for is
13:24for caring
13:25for Richard.
13:28I don't
13:29envy the
13:29relationship
13:30between Charlie
13:31and Richard.
13:32I rejoice
13:33in it.
13:33I think it's
13:34a very
13:34beautiful thing.
13:36I really
13:37don't believe
13:39that I could
13:40physically manage
13:41his full-time
13:43care at this
13:44stage in his
13:44life and my
13:45life.
13:46I'm not strong
13:46enough.
13:49This experience
13:50has brought me
13:51to fulfil a role
13:52which I actually
13:53believe is my
13:54calling in life
13:55if you like
13:56and that's in
13:56advocacy.
13:58We have called
13:59our campaign
14:00time to care.
14:01She advocated
14:03quite a bit
14:03early on but
14:04then it gave
14:05her that
14:06opportunity to
14:07put more
14:07energy into
14:08making other
14:09people's lives
14:10better.
14:11My son Richard
14:12was quite an
14:13aggressive young
14:14boy.
14:16I would be
14:17devastated in
14:18the privacy of
14:19my own home
14:21and open the
14:22front door with
14:23my plastic smile
14:24across my
14:25mouth.
14:26I'm fine,
14:26thank you very
14:27much, yes,
14:27got it all
14:28handled, it's
14:29under control.
14:30Well, bye
14:31Richard.
14:32Thank you very
14:32much.
14:33You're very
14:34welcome, it's a
14:34pleasure.
14:35Okay, thank you
14:36for that.
14:36No worries.
14:37See you later.
14:40I think people
14:42want disability
14:43to be inspiring.
14:45Somehow people
14:46with disabilities
14:47and their carers
14:48are these noble,
14:50bigger than life
14:51figures and I
14:52think that's a
14:53pity.
14:54There are moments
14:55of beautiful
14:56tenderness and
14:57softness but
14:59there are
14:59horrendous times
15:01as well and
15:02very, very
15:03challenging times
15:04that most people
15:05never encounter
15:07in their lives.
15:09Come here,
15:10come here.
15:11Come here,
15:12Maggie.
15:13You hold that
15:13one.
15:14You just stand
15:14there and you
15:15hold that.
15:16You hold that.
15:17Now, this is
15:21precarious.
15:25Richard's life was
15:27very stable but
15:28all that changed
15:30two years ago and
15:31the human story
15:33has changed
15:34dramatically.
15:42Charlie had a heart
15:44attack in 2012
15:4712 and that's when
15:49Richard came back
15:50to live with me.
15:52Then he was
15:54admitted to hospital
15:56with cancer.
16:01Charlie didn't last
16:03very long at all
16:04so Richard's whole
16:06world was turned
16:07upside down.
16:10Charlie was able
16:12to say goodbye
16:13to all the
16:14significant people
16:15in his life
16:17but he couldn't
16:19bear to say
16:19goodbye to
16:21Richard.
16:22So it was
16:24just that his
16:26father suddenly
16:27disappeared.
16:31It's so hard
16:33to know
16:34what sense
16:36Richard makes
16:37of death.
16:40Daddy?
16:42See, there's
16:43Daddy?
16:44Daddy?
16:46There's your
16:47Daddy.
16:50I believe
16:51he remembers
16:52them vividly
16:54and why
16:57did they
16:58leave.
17:06It was
17:07devastating.
17:08It was so
17:09hard for
17:10Richard but
17:11Deidre stepped
17:12up.
17:13She really
17:13did.
17:16Rich needs
17:17someone with
17:18him 24 hours
17:19a day, seven
17:20days a week
17:21bathing him,
17:23feeding him,
17:24putting to
17:25bed, getting
17:26up to him in
17:27the middle of
17:27the night.
17:29I was wearing
17:30out.
17:32You know, I
17:33really was
17:34exhausted.
17:36It wasn't
17:37sustainable.
17:42I'm about to
17:43make my first
17:44visit to a group
17:46home to see
17:47whether it might
17:47be suitable for
17:48Richard.
17:49on the way
17:50here, I started
17:51to feel a little
17:51bit emotional
17:52because it felt
17:53like I'm making
17:54a decision on
17:55Richard's behalf.
17:57Did you know
17:58that Richard's
17:59going to come
17:59and stay here?
18:01After Jenny
18:02moves out,
18:03Richard's going
18:03to come up
18:04and just visit
18:05during the day?
18:07When you have
18:08been absolutely
18:10committed to
18:11the care and
18:12well-being of
18:14someone you
18:16know is very
18:17vulnerable, to
18:19entrust that to
18:21anyone else is
18:23very challenging
18:25and potentially
18:27traumatic.
18:28Do you know
18:29the level of
18:30Richard's
18:31capabilities,
18:32don't you?
18:32Yeah, yeah.
18:34The other
18:34members of the
18:35house, how did
18:36that accept him?
18:37I think the
18:37boys especially
18:38I think would be
18:39fine.
18:40Andrew definitely,
18:41he just loves
18:41new people, so I
18:42think they'd be
18:43fine.
18:44And Richard's a
18:45nice, really
18:45nice guy.
18:46He is a nice
18:47guy.
18:51How are you
18:52feeling?
18:55It must be so
18:56overwhelming.
19:01It's just, you
19:03know, it feels
19:05like, I don't
19:06know, I can't
19:07describe it.
19:08Just momentous.
19:12The decision
19:13has to be right
19:14because you can't
19:15make mistakes with
19:16Richard.
19:17Bye.
19:21Richard settled
19:22in beyond my
19:24expectations.
19:26I was
19:28relieved and he
19:29was happy and
19:30settled.
19:31There were a few
19:33support workers
19:34that he just
19:35absolutely bonded
19:37with.
19:39Andrew, roll
19:40your boat
19:41and show.
19:41All right.
19:42And I'll do
19:42Daniel, roll your
19:43boat and show
19:44and then Richard.
19:45Come down.
19:46Yes, you're happy,
19:47I know.
19:48I know you are.
19:49That's Richard's
19:49happy sound.
19:51And then within
19:52about a six month
19:53period, it just all
19:55went very, very
19:56wrong.
19:57He can't tell us if
19:59something has
20:00happened to him that
20:01has actually caused
20:03him to really lose
20:05the plot.
20:12He went into hospital
20:14at one stage in the
20:16making of the third
20:17film, just when
20:18Deirdre thought things
20:19were going really
20:20well.
20:21Take your hand out of your
20:23mouth.
20:23At the group home,
20:25over three years,
20:26there were eight
20:29emergency hospitalisations.
20:31Multiple tests were
20:33performed, no physical
20:35cause identified.
20:38It just proved again
20:39how Richard's life is
20:42not a linear progression,
20:43it is waves of ups and
20:45downs that someone in
20:47Deirdre's position just
20:48has to navigate.
20:52I've brought him home
20:54quite frequently because
20:56he hasn't been sleeping
20:58well.
20:58He might really be
21:01suffering, but he
21:02can't tell us.
21:04No!
21:05No!
21:06No!
21:07No!
21:08No!
21:09No!
21:09No!
21:10No!
21:11The last period of
21:13hospitalisation coincided
21:17with Chris being
21:18diagnosed with cancer.
21:25And I don't know how
21:27I did, you know, to
21:28people in need of my
21:31support with that
21:33degree of intensity.
21:36I am absolutely
21:37exhausted now.
21:40And I, what I had
21:42been trying to do was
21:44to get Richard's life
21:46settled so that he
21:51wouldn't depend so much
21:53on my capacity.
21:57And I just, I don't
22:00know how to help him
22:02overcome what he's
22:04going through now.
22:15Charlie had left some
22:18financial resources for
22:20Richard and before we
22:22finished filming the third
22:24documentary, Deirdre was
22:26talking about building a
22:27house for Richard.
22:28That was a process that
22:33began about eight years
22:36ago.
22:37This was the original
22:39house.
22:41There's the slab being
22:43laid.
22:45There's Richard helping
22:46out on site.
22:49I would say it would have
22:51been 16 to 18 hours a day
22:54for months and months and
22:56months and months.
22:57And we got the handover
23:01of the keys in July 2020.
23:04So Richard is secure for
23:08the rest of his life because
23:10this is his home.
23:23I think Richard is content.
23:28He has support staff on site
23:3224-7.
23:37Six days a week he goes out
23:39into the community with a
23:41different service provider.
23:44He leads a very healthy,
23:50regulated, ordered life.
23:55Deirdre Croft for Dr. Joe.
23:59I think maybe slightly
24:00ironically the challenge now
24:02is for Deirdre's
24:03accommodation and what she
24:04does in the next stage of
24:05her life.
24:06I've got a little list.
24:08Of course.
24:09And I have a script for
24:10blood pressure.
24:12Most of my adult life has
24:14been focused on caring for
24:16other people.
24:18And I'm not very good at
24:20caring for myself.
24:22And I feel like there is a
24:25progressive deterioration on
24:27multiple levels.
24:29This past week I've been
24:30staying up at Richard's
24:32place.
24:32Lovely.
24:33Yeah.
24:34Because he's got support
24:36staff up there.
24:37And now I feel quite
24:39vulnerable about the
24:41possibility of living
24:43alone.
24:44My beloved partner,
24:47Chris, passed away
24:49May 2021.
24:53It was a very gentle
24:55transition of gradually
24:59fading.
25:01He was very peaceful.
25:10I bought this a while ago.
25:13Richard doesn't use it, but
25:14because my back has been so
25:16bad, the reach suggested that
25:19I might benefit from trying it
25:21myself.
25:22Can you do it without your
25:23glasses?
25:24Can you see?
25:26No.
25:27My current quest is to
25:30mobilise a team for Richard
25:33that can be trained in what I do
25:36so that if I fall asleep and
25:39don't wake up, it's just a smooth
25:43transition and business as usual.
25:46How does that feel, Deirdre?
25:49Wonderful.
25:52Our intention is to set up a
25:55legal entity called a
25:57micro board.
25:59My hope is that because all of
26:01you have been involved in
26:03Richard's life over an extended
26:05period of time, we'll be able to
26:08contribute their knowledge,
26:10insight and care.
26:12The people who are part of the
26:15micro board will undertake
26:17different roles in relation to
26:20Richard's life.
26:212018, didn't you?
26:23So we've started the process of
26:25establishing Richard's micro
26:27board.
26:27It's hard to say at the moment
26:28just how long it will take before
26:30it's operational.
26:32Sure, that should be
26:32straightforward.
26:33She would like to hand it over,
26:35but she has to have a really high
26:38degree of confidence to be able to
26:42do that.
26:43And Deirdre's not there yet.
26:47Now look at this.
26:48Just a minute.
26:50I might see what that looks like.
26:55Every day I take photos and I
26:59find it very restorative.
27:03If there's an overarching theme for
27:05me that comes through the
27:06documentaries, it's that notion
27:08that care has to be shared.
27:10And we need to care for carers as
27:13well as caring for the most
27:14vulnerable amongst us.
27:16I love capturing sunlit clouds,
27:21but I also love capturing birds in
27:24flight.
27:26Deirdre is an unheralded champion,
27:29along with lots of other people
27:30like her.
27:31I think it's roughly three million
27:34people in Australia have a caring role
27:37in one form or another.
27:39If someone like Deirdre, who has
27:42extraordinary capacity, education,
27:45ability to navigate bureaucracy,
27:47if she still finds it hard, how much
27:49harder must it be for someone who
27:51doesn't have that level of capacity?
27:53We've been a bit light on with birds lately.
27:57I don't know why.
27:59Oh, look, there's a little birdie.
28:11Hello, Richard.
28:13It's mummy here.
28:15I had an idea that I would make you
28:18some video clips that you could watch
28:22if I'm not around to show them to you.
28:26But right now, what I'd like to say
28:30to you is how much I value
28:34your contribution to my life.
28:38I could describe you as a life coach
28:43because...
28:44Who are we to judge when a person's
28:46life is worth living or not?
28:49What is the bottom line?
28:51If not our intellectual capabilities,
28:54what is it that makes us essentially
28:56human, a worthwhile member of the
28:59human race deserving of a life to be lived?
29:03Perhaps the real tragedy is not that
29:06there are people born who are less capable
29:08and therefore more dependent on others
29:11to care for them and to meet their needs,
29:13but that there are too many other
29:16so-called intellectually normal people
29:18who are severely handicapped in their
29:21capacity to give and care for others.
29:26The last thing I want to say to you, Richard,
29:30is that I love you with all my heart
29:34and I am so grateful that you've been a part
29:38of my life.
30:03Excellent.
30:04Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Richard, happy birthday
30:19to you.
Comments