Welcome to Unfiltered Stories, today we are speaking with Saundra, who suffered years of abuse from her ex-husband. After being beaten and left on the side of the road and then given an infection in her face, she was ready to give up on life. Luckily, she found her strength and now inspires herself and others every day. She is no longer a victim but a survivor.
#UnfilteredStories #NotAVictim #DomesticAbuse #survivalstory #trauma
Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.
Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.
By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.
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#UnfilteredStories #NotAVictim #DomesticAbuse #survivalstory #trauma
Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.
Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.
By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.
🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅
Facebook âž® https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB
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NewsTranscript
00:00My name is Sandra and I was a victim of domestic violence. I am a survivor and I'd like to
00:06tell you
00:06my story. I am from originally from Korea. When I was six years old I was adopted by my sister
00:13and
00:14her husband. Dropped out of school when I was 16. I really didn't get along with my sister and so
00:19I
00:19felt like being on my own was going to be better than living with her. When you're 16 you think
00:24oh I will survive anything and so I started living on my own and I started doing drugs. That came
00:31with
00:31a lot of bad things. My ex-husband, I met him probably when I was 19 or 20. He was
00:39very clingy.
00:42He just wanted me to be with him and I never had that so I just felt like oh that
00:48must be love.
00:48He came to my house the first night and he didn't leave. I was so inexperienced that I just didn't
00:55know what to do. I don't know how love goes like this. I never had someone wanting to stay with
01:00me
01:00all the time. He didn't want to know where I was, who I was with. I didn't realize that those
01:06were
01:06some of the signs of an abuser. I got kind of blindsided. Wow he really cares about me. So we
01:16stayed together from the time I was 23. We got married when I was 25. I had already a little
01:23girl
01:23and she was six. We started doing drugs and you know we would get evicted from places because he
01:31told me he was going to work and get money and he wouldn't. So you know we we would move
01:36have to move
01:37occasionally. We'd have like a year or two that was good. I had his son and we weren't married for
01:43about three or four years. There were signs. I mean I can count four or five times that he has
01:49hit me
01:49and I I always thought because of how how sorry he seemed that it was going to be different and
01:56I
01:56he's going to change and I'm going to change him because I love him and uh our marriage started to
02:01go really downhill after a while. He was just to keep me up at the hospital when my son was
02:07born but
02:08instead he did not because he said he was working. I was really troubled and I knew that he was
02:13the
02:13kind of guy that's going to cheat on me. The day of the attack it was my 28th birthday and
02:19I wanted
02:19to actually have a good time because I'd been so unhappy for so long. I was getting drinks and he
02:25was across the street and I felt like oh well it's getting late I should go and see if he's
02:29ready to go.
02:29So that's uh on that birthday I went into the car and I saw him with this woman and this
02:37woman has
02:37cost us so many arguments because I had just turned 28 and she was in her late 30s and I
02:44was introduced
02:44as his fiancee and she kept giving him her phone number. So to me that was you know disrespectful.
02:52I don't know what your point is unless you said that you want him obviously. I had told
02:58that I said anyone else don't ever cheat on me with her and so I went inside the bar and
03:05I saw them
03:06and he put his arm around her and she looked at me she smirked and I thought you know what
03:11I'm not
03:11going to deal with this. I'm done. I left the car and uh he followed me. I was at the
03:18corner because
03:19I was waiting for the light and he came up to me and he started yelling at me. I don't
03:23even know what
03:23he was yelling at me. I just remember he was yelling and screaming and then I was out because
03:29he had knocked me out. How does somebody that you've loved that that I've had his child just knock you
03:37out and leave you on the side of the street? I mean I don't even know if some dad guys
03:41I don't even know
03:42would do that. I mean I was more shocked that he did the actual physical assault. So I had gone
03:48back in
03:48the bar and um they had some other people were like wow your face and I'm like what you know
03:55I
03:56didn't feel anything because I had a lot of drinks. They were the ones that were like oh my gosh
04:01Sandra
04:01and so I stayed there till it's closed and I got a cab and I went home and uh I
04:10I lied down I think for
04:11three or four hours because it was really late and then he was in the kitchen when I woke up
04:15and I went
04:16and I looked at myself and I you know I had black eyes my face was swollen it looked pretty
04:22good and
04:23uh I saw him in the kitchen he came up to me he said what happened? I'm like really you're
04:28gonna say
04:29that? He goes oh my god I'm so sorry and I just I'm like you know what I I don't
04:34even know what to say
04:34do you you know you you assaulted me and then you left me and then that day the pain in
04:42my face was
04:42so severe I went to the emergency room and they told me oh well it's it'll be fine here's some
04:48you
04:49know some antibiotics and pain pills go go home so I did but the next day my face started swelling
04:55more
04:55and more until I couldn't breathe and so it was blocking my nose and it was so swollen because it
05:01was
05:02getting black so an ambulance had to come get me and the hospital where I was the doctor uh she
05:09I I believe it's because I had Medi-Cal he said you know what you've got three days to live
05:15sister mom heard that and my other sister they were like no you know you can't just say she's
05:20going to die in three days you got to do something and he had given me the wrong antibiotic and
05:24that's
05:24one of the reasons why it took you know the section was so strong and my face started it turned
05:31it was turning black it was going down my throat or or it was going to go down my throat
05:36to my heart
05:37or up my head so it was going to kill me and he wasn't going to do anything about it
05:42and then I was
05:42told that while I was in the hospital because I couldn't talk I couldn't see you know I was like
05:47unconscious and I was told that my ex-husband had been there and he had said I got mugged I
05:52went out
05:52to a grocery store I saw in the morning and I got mugged that's why I was at the hospital
05:57so you
05:58know no one knew actually what happened because I couldn't tell them and then my sister uh she
06:05she was an RN and she had another ambulance try to take me to another hospital but they just felt
06:11like I was going to die too so they wouldn't accept me the ambulance had to take me to USC
06:16County
06:16Hospital and they you know they have doctors and residents that want you know to work on patients
06:22that are really difficult and I wasn't those difficult because they had never seen an
06:27infection so badly in someone's face like this because I mean my whole face was gone this is gone
06:34so I had like a hanging nose um night I there's nothing here there's nothing here so you see an
06:41eyeball I could hear them working on me and of course I couldn't talk they put me into surgery right
06:48away
06:48and they just started cutting everything cutting you know the infection out cutting everything
06:53because that's the only way to stop the infection I was probably at the hospital maybe five or six
06:58months it was a long time and the first month was the hardest because uh they had covered my eyes
07:05they
07:05had uh my mouth I couldn't talk it was very difficult I mean I and I didn't know where my
07:10children
07:11were what were because he took my my two children and he I guess he had another girlfriend and I
07:16had
07:16cleated you know call asked my sister to call I had written it down like please I find my children
07:22that's all I wanted I needed to know where my children were during that time he finally gave
07:27the children to like my real mother who was who just came from Korea like five or six years ago
07:33and so she decided to help me and take care of them while I was in the hospital the first
07:37time my
07:38kids came to see me my oldest daughter she is so um resilient and I was not a great mother
07:45to her
07:45because you know I had her at 19 I had no examples of a really good mom I was kind
07:50of practicing and I
07:51wasn't really good at it she knew me before this so she was just crying she didn't know what happened
07:58to my face and then my little boy he was like two or three and he just refused to talk
08:03and he wouldn't
08:04come near me he would scream and yell for six months he wouldn't come near me he recognized my voice
08:09but
08:09he didn't recognize me and I was pretty scary looking so he wouldn't come near me and I think
08:15that broke my heart I remember that as one of the traumatic things more so than you know seeing
08:22myself for the first time then I when I first saw myself for the first time I just I wanted
08:27to commit
08:27suicide I just did not want to live I'm 28 years old I've got two kids I had no face
08:34what do I
08:35just do I have no support I have no friends luckily I was in a hospital and they had bars
08:43in the windows
08:44and I couldn't really get up anyways because I was pretty messed up I mean they had cut a g2
08:49in my
08:49throat so I could breathe they had cut a g2 in my stomach so I could eat and a trig
08:54in my throat so I
08:55can breathe so the only thing I could eat was the liquid they would pour liquid down this tube and
09:00it
09:00would go in my stomach and the trig would help me breathe because my face was still pretty swollen
09:06I just didn't know how to deal with it for two three days I just cried just cried and cried
09:11I don't
09:12even know how I cried so much but I just cried and cried and cried and then this lady came
09:17in she got
09:18got in the next dead and she she was so annoying she just kept playing this music and I was
09:24like oh my gosh
09:25she stopped she kept crying and crying I mean she's playing and playing this music and for some reason
09:31it just started to give me peace and I had to to really fight to want to to live again
09:40and that was a
09:41really difficult thing for me to do nobody told me that if this happens you can do this or if
09:48this
09:48happens I'll be there to talk to you you know I never went to a therapist I never went to
09:53a counselor
09:53I never dealt with my issues and when I was younger it was really difficult so I actually went back
10:00to
10:00doing drugs because I didn't know what else to do that's the only thing that that I knew would make
10:04me feel better I was addicted to death I would drive in the middle of the night to a church
10:09and write
10:09letters to God and you know I didn't want to keep doing what I was doing but I don't know
10:14how to stop
10:14I don't know who would watch my kids if I died who's going to take care of my kids you
10:21know I just felt
10:22like I couldn't win and the only time I could stop thinking and stressing about this is if I was
10:28high
10:28because the doctor that was going to let me die I had an attorney my sister told me I could
10:34sue him
10:35so I had an attorney and I won a case and they gave me a lot of money and you
10:40don't give a lot of money
10:41to an addict that's not a good idea but they gave me a lot of money and I guess I
10:47was trying to kill myself
10:48you know as much as I could you know until I hit rock bottom my ex-husband he didn't come
10:54to visit
10:55me or see me or call me I tried to get my family to find my children to find him
11:01so that I knew where
11:03my children were because I if he can do this to me what can he do do will he care
11:08even care about my
11:09kids I don't I don't know so I was you know pretty concerned for them afterwards uh just lying in
11:17that
11:17dead you know I did grieve you know you can't turn your feelings on and off you know I love
11:24this
11:25man he was my husband maybe I deserved this for some reason after I left the hospital
11:31I was wearing a surgical mask and sunglasses and a scarf to hide myself when people would say oh what
11:39happened you know it's embarrassing to say I was a victim of domestic violence you know 28 years ago
11:44people just really didn't talk about things like that I didn't know how to handle it I didn't have
11:48any place to go when I was released so I went straight to my my real mother's house and my
11:54real
11:55mother and I I haven't lived with her since I was six years old when I left Korea she never
11:59wrote me
12:00she never called me I never heard from her again she was living in a one-year-old apartment with
12:05my
12:05two kids and she let me stay with her and she helped me you know with the bandages because my
12:11DAC was an open sore I had to keep getting cleaned out I had other surgeries that I had to
12:17go through
12:18so I lived with her for about a year I was out of the hospital probably three or four months
12:24and I
12:25already started like thinking of going and getting high and stuff you know and I had my mother to watch
12:30the kids so it was easier I did see my ex-husband he told me he was really sorry and
12:36then he told me
12:37the next time I saw him you know I didn't do that and I told him you know I don't
12:41think you maliciously
12:42wanted to hurt me however your actions did this to me I am not going to say I forgive you
12:51but I
12:52am going to say that I'm not going to focus on you I'm gonna try to get myself together I
12:59need a house
13:00I need to find a place to live I need a way to live for me to wake up and
13:06realize that the drugs
13:08were going to inevitably kill me or something horrible was going to happen I had to hit rock
13:15bottom I had to hit where I lost everything and that's meaning my children my two children that I had
13:22I lost them for a little while I was at somebody's house and I was watching tv and they're saying
13:29oh
13:30this is horrible these children were by themselves they were in a house that had no electricity or
13:35food horrible you know conditions and the mother is nowhere around so I run home and there's nobody
13:44there in the middle of the night the police came and they saw that that night children were alone
13:49there was no food you know because I was running out of everything no electricity and then someone
13:54knocks on the door and says do you have anything to say I don't even know what who you are
13:58I don't know
13:59what to do I made it a horrible place and I wasn't doing anything that I should have there's no
14:08excuse
14:08for doing things like that you know a human being knows not to do things like that if I'm gone
14:14they
14:14will have a better life so I felt like I'm going to get as many drugs as I can I'm
14:18going to get my car
14:19and I'm going to drive off the cliff that was my that was my plan I was told by the
14:25courts within a
14:26year that all the you know all the charges are dropped I did everything they wanted me to do
14:30I stayed in the home for a year I learned a lot and I start to understand it's my choice
14:36I can go
14:37back to doing drugs or I can go back to losing my you know losing my kids or I can
14:41start doing the
14:42right thing doing the gutter thing doing things you know like uh like another and a human being should
14:48but I was in the women's home so I did have help so when I was able to get the
14:54surgery they did a whole
14:55publicity thing and like I said I was wearing this mask and the glasses I wore that for 12 years
15:01I'm not going to wear the mask if you don't like me if you don't want to look at me
15:05I'm not going
15:06to feel like that's my problem anymore I'm blessed you know I've come a long ways I am a little
15:13older
15:13than I thought I would be at this stage either I can make this a tragedy and woe is me
15:19or I can
15:20turn it around and do some interviews and maybe somebody will hear me who didn't think that they
15:27should be leaving their boyfriend or husband you know because this can happen I have a friend who
15:32does domestic violence classes for young people I go over there and I'll talk and they see the
15:38physical damage so sometimes it's like wow that happened to you yeah it happened to me and it can happen
15:45to some other person that you hit well the reason that I share my story is because I hope that
15:52it
15:52will impact someone if it helps one other person it was worth me going through all of these stages and
15:59steps to to say how difficult it was I wish somebody had told me if you do drugs this could
16:05is what could
16:05happen no one ever told me that if someone hits you you have a right to leave I don't want
16:11to be here in
16:12a cocoon feeling sorry for myself because you know everyone can feel sorry for themselves everyone's
16:16got problems I've got depression whatever I hope that people understand that the things I've gone
16:22through are was not the easiest because you can go through them too you can go through your hard
16:28times you can do it if you get out of it being able to smile and laugh geesh isn't that
16:33what life is
16:34all about well I would tell anybody that is in a domestic violent situation right now that it doesn't
16:43get better I've never met one person that has said you know what he got better everything's good we're
16:48just lovey-dovey if you have children it's even worse because they see what you've been through and
16:54they think that that's normal and you're abusing them by letting this person stay with you or you're
17:00staying with this person even if the person is telling you they love you what kind of person says
17:05I love you and hit you what kind of person skits on you or yells in your face or grabs
17:10you or crushes
17:11you or or any of those things I don't think that's in any place of a definition of what love
17:18is you have
17:19to be able to want more than that right now there's so many places and people that will help you
17:27and if you
17:28are the abuser well it's definitely an anger issue sometimes you don't even have the will to stop so
17:35what you do have to do is leave if you don't leave you that's what's going to happen and if
17:41you say you
17:41love somebody you're going to have to live with you're hurting them I've gotten out of drugs I've gotten
17:48out of an abusive relationship but I can say I'm a survivor and I can say that as of today
17:55I am no longer a
17:56victim my name is Sandra and I was a victim of domestic violence thank you so much for listening to
18:03my
18:03story I really appreciate it
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