00:00You know the first time I performed this song was so special because it was so, I thought
00:04I was going to forget the lyrics because I just had written them.
00:06I was shaking, but I don't know, I felt so connected to the people in the room and I
00:11hadn't felt that in a long time.
00:20This is something I explore a lot in my music at the moment.
00:23You know, performance is performing to people every day and people we don't necessarily
00:27feel comfortable around.
00:27It was kind of the start of this new concept or idea that I've been exploring about performance
00:33in that way.
01:08This is like all in my head during a performance.
01:12None of this is real.
01:13This is all made up.
01:14And it's exactly what I imagined when I'd be singing these songs every night about
01:19this person.
01:20There was applause from an audience that was more to this person in my life.
01:24I just imagined, I just kept having this reoccurring image of him being at the back of the audience
01:29and him not staying around to say anything and me being slightly, honestly pissed off, but also
01:37hurt and disappointed that he didn't.
01:56It's just this plea.
01:58You know, when you've kind of given into the anger in a way and it turns into disappointment
02:04and sadness and I think that emotion is way harder to process because you have nothing
02:11to hold onto and you have nothing to kind of use as a barrier.
02:14Yeah.
02:14It's just this wish I had every night.
02:16I wished my ex was there, to be honest.
02:41You ask someone that question that has been hanging over your head for a long time and
02:46and they just don't say anything and there's this weird silence and you're kind of looking
02:51at them and you're like, oh shit.
02:54So that's kind of where the shrug your shoulders thing came from as well.
03:30This one was just like such a clear image.
03:34I just had a vision of me standing outside with my ex and outside the venue and everyone's
03:42starting to come through and we had this one moment where it almost seemed like it could
03:44be real again.
03:45It could be something, but you know, we're just blowing smoke and this moment will end
03:48and I'll be back at the scene you left cold.
03:50My love turns green, which is kind of like, you know, everything's jealous.
03:54I feel a lot of jealousy that this isn't real and I'm kind of jealous of my own imagination
03:58for being able to have this and not myself.
04:01You made me hate myself, which I think is real.
04:04I think a lot of people feel that way after situations like this.
04:08It's kind of, again, this theme of embarrassment and I hate feeling embarrassed.
04:11I think it's my least favorite emotion.
04:15I think I've become a lot more liberated when I perform.
04:18I don't think I have this overwhelming, looming fear of people from my past whenever I perform
04:24now.
04:24I'm much more in control whilst I'm performing, of being able to take myself back to places
04:29but not be overwhelmed or stuck there.
04:32you
04:32you
04:32you
04:32you
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