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00:01Man, nice of Steve to invite us over for the fight.
00:04That pay-per-view ain't cheap.
00:06Come on, Hank, you know the guy.
00:07Nothing he does is nice, okay?
00:08He's got to be working some kind of angle.
00:10Yo, hoagies!
00:12Welcome to the new and improved Chateau Del Vecchio.
00:15Hey, Steve.
00:16What's up, man?
00:18Shoes off.
00:19Yes!
00:20Ooh, you got a foosball table?
00:22Cedars from the same forest that supplies the Vatican.
00:25It's pretty dope, huh?
00:26Eh, you know, I'm more of a shuffleboard guy myself,
00:28but it's all right.
00:29That's a lateral move at best, hoagies.
00:31Oh, excuse me for a second.
00:33I have to take the pizza out of the crustus maximus
00:36smart industrial-grade pizza oven.
00:38See, Hank, what'd I tell you, okay?
00:39This whole thing is just a flex.
00:41He's trying to make us jealous of his new post-divorce bachelor pad.
00:44Yo, the pizza's ready, everyone!
00:46Oh, careful, Frank.
00:47I set it to cremation mode.
00:49So, what do you think of the spot, hoagies?
00:52It's not bad, huh?
00:53It's all right, dude.
00:53It's a nice place, you know?
00:54Just a little generic, but, you know, that's all.
00:56Are you being serious?
00:57I've seen your house, hoagies.
00:59Three words.
00:59Live, laugh, love.
01:01Yeah, that's all Tammy, my guy, okay?
01:03Let me tell you.
01:04If I had full creative control,
01:06I would build the most epic house of all time.
01:09Oh, yeah?
01:11More epic than this?
01:14Oh, there she is, the Hizaki Goliath.
01:17The biggest TV in Glantontown.
01:20I had it officially verified by a notary, you know?
01:22Ladies and gentlemen, it's the moment you've all been waiting for!
01:27Thank frickin' God, yo, this better be worth it.
01:29Jones leads with a jab and...
01:30Oh, oh, Slanovich is down!
01:32The ref steps in!
01:33This is over, folks!
01:35It's over!
01:35Damn it.
01:38Well, I used to work at a hot dog factory
01:40Until them robots came along
01:42And now there is no doubt for me
01:44But I get 3,000 bucks a month
01:46Thanks to UVI
01:51Now we're Universal Basic Guys
01:54It may not sound like much
01:56But we're still gonna try
02:00We're just Universal Basic Guys
02:10What the hell?
02:13Mark!
02:13What the hell is this?
02:15Oh, it's a shuffleboard table.
02:16It's pretty cool, huh?
02:17Why is it in the foyer?
02:18My original idea was to put it over there in the living room,
02:20but the angle is trickier than I thought
02:22And the thing weighs, like, 400 pounds, so...
02:25I mean, honestly, I think it kinda works here
02:26Like, ties the room together
02:27Oh, the walls are all scuffed up
02:29Uh, small price to pay for endless entertainment, Tam
02:32I mean, come on, what's better than walking into
02:34The most classic bar game of all time?
02:36An unobstructed path to my bedroom?
02:38Okay, fair, but this is a shared space
02:41And we both have valid preferences
02:42So I feel like we should let Darren weigh in here
02:45No, get rid of it
02:46Oh, come on, Tam, Steve friggin' Delvecchio
02:47Gotta decorate the house of his dreams
02:49Meanwhile, I can't even put one 14-foot shuffleboard table
02:52On our entranceway?
02:53It's ridiculous, Tam's friggin' North Korea
02:55Well, if you wanna get divorced like Steve
02:57And live alone in a barcade, be my guest
02:59Until then, get this thing out of our foyer
03:01Oh, come on!
03:02I don't ever get a say in house stuff!
03:04I got all these design ideas and nowhere to express them
03:07I'm gonna friggin' die without ever having a chance
03:09To build the house of my dreams from scratch
03:13Whoa
03:15Yeah, I don't know
03:15One minute I'm lightin' Cubans with $100 bills
03:18Next thing I know I'm waking up on a lawn
03:20Jot outta there like a champagne cork
03:23Apparently it was a gas leak
03:24Hey, well, thank God for insurance, right?
03:26Yeah, the only thing is, uh, I don't got any
03:29What do you mean you don't got it? You don't got insurance?
03:31Yeah, try to, uh, avoid putting my name on any, uh, official paperwork
03:35Uh, do you have any savings at least?
03:38Every cent I own was stashin' the walls of that place
03:42Or, uh, wait a minute, give me that shoe
03:46Alright, let's see here
03:47Got, uh, 10K
03:49That's not gonna be enough to rebuild my house
03:51Place was fully tricked out
03:52Porcelain jags, exotic fish tank, custom wet bar with a backlit shelving
03:57The works
03:58Why don't you just, uh, do one of those things where you ask people for money on the internet?
04:03You talkin' like an OnlyFans?
04:04Ooh, no, a GoFundi! That's a good idea, Hank!
04:07My patients do them all the time to pay for medical bills
04:10You know, one lady got so much for her brain surgery
04:13She ended up gettin' her boobs done, too!
04:15I can help you set it up!
04:16Hey, Tams
04:18Is it gonna be enough? I mean, he's basically starting from scratch here
04:21You know, you said you wanted a chance to build your man-child dream house
04:25Maybe this is your opportunity to get it out of your system
04:28Huh, uh, can you build a whole house for 10K?
04:31Of course I can, dude
04:32They do, like, whole remodels for less on those renovation shows
04:35All right, well, why don't you get started and I'll set up his GoFundi
04:38And see if I can get you more money
04:40Hey, Murph, don't worry, bud
04:42We are gonna build you the house of my dreams
04:47Simplest way to do it is to go off the original design
04:49Rebuild your friend's place just like it was
04:51All right, come on, George
04:52I need you to be a little more imaginative, okay?
04:54We can do anything, okay?
04:55We just imagine what's possible
04:57Well, with your current budget, not much
04:59All right, George, okay? This is not about the money, okay?
05:02This is about dreams
05:03I don't wanna just rebuild the house here, okay?
05:05I wanna build something friggin' mind-blowing
05:08Okay, I'll do my best
05:10What are you thinking?
05:11All right, well, number one, it's gotta be fun, okay?
05:13But it's also gotta be functional
05:14Something like, you know, what if every bedroom opens into the kitchen?
05:17So it's in the center of the house?
05:20Bingo, flower petal design
05:22You walk out your door to fresh eggs every morning
05:24I mean, that's limited, right, George?
05:26You can't do that, it'd be impossible to ventilate
05:28Can't? No, I don't wanna hear that word
05:30Do you wanna die of carbon monoxide poisoning?
05:33All right, fine, I'm flexible on a kitchen
05:34But the clap-on fireplace, that's a must
05:37Oh, also, what do you know about building down?
05:39Down? Like, what, a tunnel or something?
05:41Eh, I'm thinking more like a, uh, bat cave, you know?
05:44You're gonna have to be more specific
05:45We talkin' Affleck, Dark Knight
05:47Michael Keaton
05:48Well, in that case, and I'd have to watch the movie again
05:52To get a real sense, but
05:54You're probably lookin' at this number right here
05:57Oh
05:59All right, Murph, man, I wrote up the story
06:01House exploded, third-degree burns, lost everything
06:04Anything else I should add?
06:05Honestly, damn, life's not so bad
06:07I'd drink scotch, I'd kick back, bet on the ponies
06:10You'll have the right fiction
06:12Ah, come on, Murph, there's no reason to act all tough
06:14You gotta make people feel for you
06:16The sadder it sounds, the more they donate
06:18Maybe there's something from your past?
06:21Anything from your childhood?
06:23I mean, uh, I guess you could say I was a little neglected
06:26But, uh, I don't know if it's gonna move the needle
06:28Oh, tell me about that
06:30Ah, you know, usual stuff
06:32Dad wasn't around, Mom was a basket case
06:36Only time she ever said, I love you, was to our pet parrot
06:40Sometimes, you know, I just sit there listening to the bird
06:43As it said, I love you over and over again
06:45Just, uh, you know, imagining she was saying it to me
06:48Oh, my God, Murph, man, that is heartbreaking
06:51Eh, nah, it's all right, builds character, you know?
06:54Yeah, well, it might also build you a house
06:56Keep it coming, Murph
07:00Well, it's over, my dreams have been shattered
07:03What happened?
07:04Can't rebuild Murph, man's house, way too expensive
07:06Just a four-story fire pole alone, 20 grand
07:09And that's before the candy cane paint job
07:12Well, maybe this will help
07:14Oh, wait, is that 25,000? Are you serious? How?
07:18I just asked Murph about his life
07:19And turns out, he's a bottomless pit of sad stories
07:22People really feel bad for him
07:24Murph, man, he really?
07:26All right, well, time to turn those tears into chandeliers
07:30Hey, George, we're back on
07:32Get me that air crane, we got a TV to move
07:38All right, nice work, fellas, nice work
07:40Walking toilets looking great, Paulie, good job
07:42Uh, Mr. Hoagies, there's an issue with the laser room
07:45Apparently the beams can't cross
07:47George, it's a room for practicing walking around a bunch of lasers
07:51Like Catherine Zeta-Jones in entrapment, okay?
07:53The lasers gotta cross, end the story
07:55I understand, it's just...
07:57George, who told you no?
07:58I think his name was Walt, maybe?
08:01No, I mean, as a child, who was it that told George
08:03That he couldn't accomplish anything he set his mind to?
08:07I mean, a lot of people?
08:09That's why I gave up and went to work at my dad's construction company
08:12Well, I believe in you, George
08:14And together, we are gonna make the coolest house that anyone in Glantown has ever seen
08:19Are you with me?
08:20As long as you got the budget, I'm with you
08:23Yeah, that's the spirit
08:24So how about you give your boy Walt the call and tell him you're those lasers are gonna cross?
08:28Yes, sir
08:29Hank, how we looking on the foundation?
08:31Uh, I think something's wrong with the cement
08:33It's like, uh, too wet or something
08:36Okay, yeah, you're gonna have to figure that one out, Hank
08:38Uh, I gotta, a TV's here, I gotta deal with this real quick
08:41Uh, okay
08:44Alright, keep going, keep going, you're good, you're good
08:48Huh
08:49What's the matter?
08:49Did we measure this thing? Cause, yeah, just eyeballing it doesn't look bigger than the Goliath
08:54So, nah, not gonna cut it
08:56Sounds like you want a full-on custom job
08:59It'll run you another 50k, but I can make it happen
09:0250k, huh?
09:03It seems like this TV is pretty important to you
09:06Are you really gonna let $50,000 stand in the way of your dream house?
09:10Well said, George
09:11Well said
09:12Get it done
09:13You got it
09:15Hey, babe, you know that boob job you've been talking about?
09:19Book it
09:20The nuns used to call me Jelly Boy and make me run laps while the other kids ate dessert
09:24At night, I'd have to sneak into the sacristy to binge eat the unblessed communion wafers
09:29One night, they caught me and took turns beating me over the head with a frozen cookie dough chub
09:34Wow, Murph, that is awful
09:36The GoFundi's gonna eat this up
09:39Gotta say, damn, I was skeptical about digging this stuff up, but, uh, you know, it's given me some clarity
09:44Hey, I'm glad to hear it
09:45I guess, uh, I just never had anyone I could open up to, you know, someone who could listen without
09:50judging me
09:51Well, I'm happy to help
09:52Anyway, I think that's enough sad stuff for today
09:55All right, yeah
09:56Though there is one more thing I'd like to get off my chest, you know
09:59Oh, uh, what's that?
10:00I gotta come clean about something
10:02The day my house exploded was also my birthday
10:06So I got myself a cake
10:08Started blowing out the candles and halfway through I realized, you know, I'm getting a little winded
10:13I don't know my exact age, you know, my parents, they skipped a few birthdays
10:18But I put around 50 candles in that thing
10:20And suddenly it hits me
10:22You know, maybe if I made some different choices
10:25I'd have someone here to help me blow out all these damn candles
10:29I passed out mid-blow
10:32Woke up and the place looked like something out of backdraft
10:36Wasn't no gas leak, blew up the house
10:38It was loneliness
10:40So thick you could cut it with a knife
10:43Pathetic
10:44It's never pathetic to tell your truth
10:46I'm proud of you, Merv
10:48Thanks, Tim
10:49Appreciate you
10:50I don't mention it
10:51All right, I'm gonna flip you now
10:53Time to clean your bed sores
10:56Now that's a TV
10:58Hey, Mark, there's an issue
10:59The guy from the Jumbotron company says the roof won't support the weight of the Tron subwoofers
11:05All right, we're gonna have to figure this out
11:07Because there's no point in having a Jumbotron if you can't feel the base in your chest
11:10I had a feeling you'd say that
11:12So I went ahead and revised the plans
11:14If we take out that wall and add a load-bearing annex, we're gravy, baby
11:18Ah, there we go, George
11:20Creative solutions
11:21I love it
11:22So how much we talking?
11:26Seventy grand, Mark?
11:27Listen, I hear you, but, you know, this is a structural issue
11:29This is getting out of control
11:31Tim, the guy's house just exploded, okay?
11:33The last thing he needs is to return home and have the roof cave in on his head
11:36I just need you to squeeze out a few more sob stories to keep the GoFundi rolling
11:40I don't know, Mark
11:41I worry about what it's doing to him
11:43I feel like I'm peeling him away like an onion
11:46What are you talking about?
11:46He's fine
11:47All right, well, it's nothing that a dream house can't cure
11:58Yeah, that's why I had to wear a diaper until I was 14
12:04That dog was my only friend
12:06I still remember watching him chase that plane down and then, boom, sucked right into the jet engine
12:18I had lice for about eight months
12:20Apparently, they filled a pretty complex society in my head
12:25There we go, dude
12:26We got the crossing lasers
12:28Yo, this is way cooler than anything Steve DelVecchio's got
12:31Yo, should we take her for a spin?
12:32Oh, check me out, dude
12:34I'm walking through lasers
12:35I'm gonna steal a painting
12:37Ow!
12:38Ow!
12:38Oh!
12:38Ah!
12:39Damn, dude!
12:39Ow!
12:40George, what the hell?
12:41These aren't supposed to burn you
12:42They're supposed to trigger the alarm
12:43Oh, my bad
12:44I figured you wanted to go for Resident Evil
12:46Hello?
12:48Is somebody up there?
12:49Is that Hank?
12:50Hey, yo, Hank
12:51Get that, uh, cement situation sorted out?
12:54Yeah
12:55It's working now
12:56Awesome, dude
12:57Okay, I gotta go test out the, uh, skee-ball machines
13:00Uh, okay, uh, if you get a chance, might need a hand with something
13:07Oh, uh, hey there, little guys
13:09Uh, got a hot dog for you if you, uh, fetch me that hammer and chisel
13:16Hey, Murph, how we feeling?
13:18Ah, real good, damn, thanks
13:19I was thinking, uh, today I can tell you about the time I spent 48 hours stuck in a water
13:23slide
13:24I gotta take a rain check, Murph, you're getting discharged
13:26What's this?
13:27Bag of goodies
13:28Got your burn cream, some gauze pads, and I threw in some extra grippy socks for you
13:33Listen, damn, I gotta ask you, why you being so nice to me?
13:37Well, after hearing about everything you've been through, I guess I got invested in seeing you back on your feet
13:42I'm rooting for you, Murph
13:45Ah, it's my girlfriend, Leanne
13:46She don't got anyone to talk to, so she calls me, I don't know why
13:50I know why, you're a good listener
13:52Oh, that sweet Murph
13:54Hello? Leanne?
13:56Uh-huh, he dead
13:58Hey, Tam
13:59Uh, one sec, Lee, what's up?
14:01You sure you don't want to give me one last rinse down for the road?
14:05Looks like someone's back to their old self
14:08Transport'll be here shortly to wheel you out
14:12As you may or may not know, our dear friend Scott Mofrenski was recently the victim of a house fire
14:17My guy lost everything, including his fish
14:19May they rest in peace
14:20But today, it's not about loss
14:23It's about rebirth
14:24Because today I hand my friend the keys to a brand new home
14:27So without further ado, I present you, Murph Mansion
14:42Alright, come on Murph, we'll give you the tour
14:45You too, Steve
14:51Alright, everybody, come on in, you can actually leave your shoes on because this is a shoe house
14:58So our first stop here is the kitchen, where you'll notice we actually have a sushi and cigar conveyor belt
15:04Kind of a new spin on smoked fish
15:07Okay, come on, let's continue onward here
15:09So the roof beams are actually reclaimed stripper poles from your favorite strip club, Rick's Red Rocket Room
15:16Uh, don't worry, we did not clean them
15:18If you wanna follow me, we're gonna head upstairs now
15:20Wait, don't these go down?
15:22This actually is an Escher staircase
15:23Come on
15:24Whoa
15:26Lazy hallway
15:28Sand room
15:29And last but not least, the Mizuki Colossus Jumbotron
15:35The biggest TV in Glantown
15:37Thank you very much
15:39Suck it, Steve
15:39You son of a bitch
15:41So, what do we think? What do we think, dude?
15:44Pretty good, huh?
15:46It's, uh, pretty freaking amazing, pal
15:48Everything I could've dreamed of and more
15:50Ah, man, I'm glad you like it
15:52It's only missing one thing
15:53Oh, yeah? What's that?
15:55The woman I love
15:57Well, uh, once she sees this new pad of yours
15:59I think you're gonna have more trouble keeping her away
16:02Well, actually, uh, she ain't never that far away
16:07I'm in love with your wife
16:10Uh, what?
16:12He's in love with me?
16:13Uh, yeah, that's what he said, Tam, okay?
16:15I don't know what the hell you're talking to him about, but, uh
16:18Oh, please, this never would've happened if you hadn't built a grown man funhouse
16:22That required me to squeeze out every last ounce of his childhood trauma
16:26All right, well, whoever's fault it is, we gotta nip this one in the butt, okay?
16:29Why don't you just go over there and tell him to knock it off, say it's never gonna happen
16:33That'll break his heart, Mark
16:35I've gotten to know Murph deep down, he's really an emotional guy
16:38Look at him, poor thing
16:40Crap, Crap, Tam, you broke Murph
16:42Guy can't even enjoy his awesome house I built him
16:45What the hell'd you say to him?
16:46Nothing special
16:46I think I'm just the first person who's ever listened to him talk about his feelings
16:51I think he's just really lonely
16:52All right, I think I know what we gotta do, okay? We gotta find someone who's as lonely as Murph
16:57Put them together, he reattaches this new person and forgets about you
17:00All right, so we just need to think of someone we know who is desperate, empathetic, and alone
17:05Ooh, I might know someone
17:07Awesome
17:08Damn it, I should not have installed that observatory-grade telescope
17:12So he's an independent entrepreneur, he just got a new house, it's beautiful
17:17Uh-huh, uh-huh, so is he hot?
17:18He's got, like, a very masculine energy
17:21And he's, uh, very well-groomed
17:23Ooh la la, I can't wait to meet this mystery man
17:28Hey, Mark, appreciate you, uh, you know, being so understanding about the fact that I'm in love with your wife
17:34I mean, I get it, obviously, she's great, but just to be clear, I'm not cool with it
17:38All right, well, uh, what about some sort of polycule thing? Maybe I get holidays and weekends
17:43Uh, what?
17:44Hey, there's our angel
17:45Oh, fancy running into you two
17:47So I, uh, actually been meaning to tell you about the time my father threw me out of a moving
17:51car for you now
17:52Maybe later
17:53Uh, Leanne, this is my friend Murph
17:55Murph? Leanne
17:56What's up, sweetheart?
17:59He doesn't look anything like Matt Damon
18:01I said Matt Damon in The Informant
18:03He's huge
18:04You know, if he's, like, open, you hope so big
18:07Oh, come on, Leanne, stop being so superficial
18:09He's exactly your type, a bad boy with a big heart
18:12Ugh
18:13Oh, Tam, we forgot to get the, uh, the watermelons, okay? That, that for Darren's watermelon project
18:20Oh, right, yeah, we should, uh, go do that, see ya's
18:23Oh
18:24Hi
18:25How you doing?
18:26Fine
18:27So, uh, you big into the Waggler scene?
18:31No
18:32That, uh, vodka penne?
18:34Yeah, it's decent, you know, could use a little more vodka
18:37Hm, I hear that
18:39So, you're, like, in the mob or something?
18:42Careful, sweetheart
18:42I might have to pat you down for a wire
18:44Yeah, you wish
18:46Oh, my God, she just touched her hair
18:48That's a good sign
18:49Hell yeah, dude
18:50All right, come on, Murph
18:51Invite her back to check out the sand room, bud
18:53Uh-oh
18:54What?
18:54She just winced
18:55Oh, God, he's losing her
18:57Yeah, so this one right here is where Sister Susan tagged me with a jump rope
19:01Right
19:02So, do you, like, have a job?
19:05Nah, I'm on disability
19:07Chronic edema
19:08Swollen ankles due to salt retention
19:10Oh
19:11Oh, boy, we gotta bogey at two o'clock
19:14Uh-oh
19:16Lynn?
19:17Steven?
19:17What the hell are you doing at my Wagglers?
19:20Oh, no, yours is the one in Mount Laurel
19:22We agreed I can get this one because they're more consistent with the hot bar turnover
19:26I can vouch for that
19:27Wait a minute, aren't you Mark's shady-ass friend?
19:29I mean, that's one way to put it
19:31Oh, did you dump the Dutch boy for a drug dealer?
19:33Oh, grow up, Steven
19:35I'm a single woman
19:36I could do whatever I want
19:37Oh, yeah?
19:37And this is what you want?
19:39Your standards are lower than your credit score
19:41Oh!
19:42What the?
19:43Wait, Leigh Ann
19:43No, no, I didn't
19:45Look, I'm sorry
19:46Oh, frickin' Steve
19:48Ruins everything
19:49Wait, maybe not
19:50Look
19:50Hey, here
19:52Thanks
19:52She's my ex
19:54She's a handful, but I gotta admit I miss her
19:57You know?
19:58Anyways, how's that new house?
19:59Yeah, it's nice
20:00You know, got all the bells and whistles
20:02But, uh, they ain't enough to fill the void, you know?
20:05Dude, a hundred percent
20:06I mean, I couldn't have put it better myself
20:08Nice to know that I'm not alone
20:11Steve
20:12Scott Mufrinski
20:13Friends call me Murph Man
20:14Hey, it's nice to meet you, Murph
20:16Listen, I was gonna stick around for the fresh batch of drums
20:19If you wanna, you know, like, hang out for a bit
20:22Hell yeah, dude
20:22I'm in
20:23Oh my god, they're sitting down together
20:25Wait a second, what the hell is this?
20:27Did Murph and Steve Delvecchio just become friends?
20:30Oh, yeah
20:31Oh, man, this is my worst nightmare
20:33Alright, plan B, he's in the polycule
20:46Hey, thanks for pulling the strings to get me that new policy
20:49Yeah, the policy's on the new build
20:51But you just build the old house, get the cash, keep the difference
20:54That's good, man, that works out good for me
20:56Yeah, and I get the biggest TV in Glantintown again
20:59Everybody wins, except for hoagies
21:01Friggin' bum trying to steal my thunder
21:03Who's he think he is?
21:05Alright, uh, yeah, looks like it's starting to catch
21:07Let's get out of here
21:08Let's go to my spot and we'll watch the director's cut of heat
21:10Nice
21:13Hey, really appreciate you guys getting me these tools, you
21:16Uh, once I'm out of here, I'll get you the mustard
21:21Oh, no
21:21Huh?
21:24Come on
21:25Oh, yeah
21:27Run, guys, run
21:28Whoa!
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